Morphinology

My YouTube channel hit 10,000 video views last weekend, and while that may seem pretty paltry when compared to single videos that have millions of views apiece, it’s approximately 9,999 more than I ever expected to have when I created my channel. As a show of appreciation, I uploaded a complete Let’s Play series throughout the week: Mighty Morphin Power Rangers for the SNES. Watch the whole thing below.

The whole set clocks in at just over an hour, and even less if you skip video 5 (It ends in a Game Over, and episode 6 is the same level done successfully). There are plenty of worse ways to waste an hour. Why not buff up my view counter a little more? Come on, help a brother out. And throw around some upwards-thumbs while you’re at it. Pweease?

That said, I have no idea what I’m going to do for the next threshold. Or even what that’ll be. I was thinking 20K at first, but 25,000 seems like more of a milestone. Not that I should be thinking that far ahead; that many views is a long, long way off unless I hit another goldmine like Super Talking Time Bros 2.

NaNoFailMo

So there’s a very slim chance that you’ve noticed that I haven’t blogged at all in the month of November. 90% of that is because I have nothing to blog about. Most days I go home from work, have dinner with my wife, and then play Skyrim or Pokémon White 2 until sleeping time. It’s a simple existence, and one that I wouldn’t give up, but it doesn’t lend itself too well to writing.

The other thing that’s keeping me from blogging is NaNoWriMo. National Novel Writing Month, if you need it spelled out. Perhaps you’ve heard of it. It’s a “contest” that challenges everyone who signs up to write a 50,000 word novel during the month of November. I signed up on a whim this year, and currently… well, here’s a printscreen of my statistics page.

Yup, we’re just about halfway through the month and I’ve barely even started. I only even have any words at all because yesterday I decided to slap some words down on a page so that at least I could say I tried.

The truth of it all is that I don’t have anything to write about. I had a story idea before I started, but the more I think about it, the stupider it seems and the more I hate it. Anything else I even try to get off the ground ends up being derivative and boring. I don’t really want to write a novel, I just liked toying with the idea that I could.

So how does this tie into blogging? Mostly because every time I open WordPress I feel the guilty pangs, reminding me that if I’m writing, it should be my novel. Then I decide I don’t want to do that and navigate far, far away from WordPress.

That said, maybe things will pick up in December.

Ryan talks about Rayman

Video game characters come in all shapes and sizes. Some are big, some are small. Some are fun, slightly overweight plumbers, and others are cold, angsty teenage warriors. Many of them have not only their own series of games, but spinoffs and huge merchandise lines too. Of course, for every successful character, there are at least a handful that don’t have the chops to make it. Sitting almost squarely in the middle of that range is a plucky little hero who has no arms or legs, but a ton of heart.

No, not Plok. Why would I write an article about Plok?

I’m talking about Rayman, of course. That little guy created by Ubisoft way way back in 1995. It’s kinda sad that I can call 1995 “way, way back” without meaning it as a joke. The point here, is that I didn’t play Rayman for years. Hey, can you blame me? I didn’t have a Playstation yet, and I wasn’t big on PC gaming outside SimCity 2000 and Duke Nukem 3D. Given the chance, I probably would have played the game too, since it was an action platformer and I was still pretty hesitant to leave that genre’s warm embrace.

I think the real thing that kept me from Rayman was that none of my friends were interested in his game. Since he wasn’t on a Nintendo platform for four years, Nintendo Power, still my number one video game news source at that point, understandably didn’t have any coverage of the game. The internet was still pretty new in my household around that time too, also it was dial-up. I mostly used it to find breeding charts for Dragon Quest Monsters and to engage in some Yahoo chat. So really, I’m not entirely sure if Rayman was popular at all in his first few years. All I can tell you is that I’d certainly never heard of ‘im.

Continue reading Ryan talks about Rayman

A post full of thoughts in no logical order

Wow, its been a while since my last post. Not a record by far, but almost two weeks is a long time in the current TE era. I’ve been pretty good about slapping something up every few days for some time now, even if it’s just a dumb photo that I found entertaining for a few fleeting moments.

In an effort to start getting though my gigantic backlog of books – Wait what? Books? Yes books. I have a lot of them, but I haven’t read most of them. Anyway, I’ve decided I want to read more, so this week I’ve been making an honest effort to always have a book with me on the bus. Whether I’ll keep going once I’ve finished my current book, I don’t know, but here’s hoping!

The lack of blogging around these parts can be attributed mostly entirely to Pokémon White 2. Obviously. I blame Game Freak for working in a rather extensive achievement system. For every objective you clear, you’re presented with a medal, and when you get so many medals, you get a rank up. It’s not actually deeper than Xbox achievements or PS3 trophies, but the fact that the game makes such a big deal out of the medals makes them that much more appealing to collect. Too bad some of the requirements are completely ludicrous. Check out the list here.

I’ve been working on a big new post over the last little while. I think it’s going to end up being this month’s article, if just to fill the hole. Unfortunately, it is about video games. But it’s a little different in that it’s something of a history lesson with a little review packaged in for those interested. I don’t know. It’s not something I care about enough to link to on my Facebook page or anything, but it’ll have to do.

I’ve been reading Monster Planet this week, the last of a trilogy whose first two parts I’ve already talked about at length. I said that I thought Island and Nation would make great movies, because both of them are pretty briskly-paced and feature a fairly original take on the zombie genre. However, Planet takes it up to eleven and goes into full-blown crazypants video game territory. Now, instead of the occasional smart zombie who can control the mindless masses of undead, there is a whole cadre of liches, each with a unique magic power. It’s gotten kinda ridiculous, but I’m already two-and-a-third books deep, might as well git ‘r done. Full write-up coming soon!

Speaking of spooky things and video games, I’ve begun playing Silent Hill 2 again to half-assedly get into the spirit of Halloween. I thought I was going to do it right this time, playing alone in the dark, but I messed that up. Since I’m playing the HD Collection edition, my experience is being totally controlled by achievements, and as such my current playthrough has been paired with some extensive map-making and step-by-step instructions on how to get through the game as quickly as possible. At the very least, by the time I’m done with it, I’ll have become a master of the game.

I borrowed my brother’s copy of Cubivore to round out my October gaming palette. While the camera is awful and the overall experience is a little shallower than I’d hoped, I think it’s good enough to slake my thirst for Tokyo Jungle. For now.

Have you watched the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon yet? It’s fairly good! Not quite as good as the new TMNT comic series, but it’s definitely worth watching. I will admit that I’m a little disappointed that its demographic skews considerably younger than the 2003 TMNT series. I blame Nickelodeon. Though I suppose the best way to revive a franchise is to make sure it’s what all the li’l kids want for Christmas. A world where Turtles are plastered on every damn thing again would be a world I’d love to live in.

Xbox Minecraft got a big update recently, which is enticing. The price didn’t get cut though, so I’m still not buyin’ it.

I’m bad at getting into the Halloween spirit. I haven’t watched a single cheesy 80’s slasher flick yet. I feel like I’m failing pretty hardcore as a nerd. The Wife is forcing me to take her to Paranormal Activity 4 this weekend though, so I guess that’s at least one “scary” movie for the season. I just have trouble committing myself to 90-120 minutes of uninterrupted watching.

I don’t have nearly as much trouble watching TV or Let’s Play videos. Over the last two weeks I have watched both seasons of Better Off Ted, most of Arrested Development‘s second season, and Brickroad’s Metal Gear LP. Ted is… well, it’s okay. I enjoyed it as much as I did because it co-stars Portia de Rossi and Andrea Anders, both of whom I find very funny. The list of actresses (or even actors, it’s not a sexist thing) I really like is pretty short, but those two are definitely on it. It should be obvious that I much prefer comediennes to “serious” actresses. I also love the way de Rossi pronounces the word “anything.”

I don’t think there’s anything else relevant I can say so that I can add another tag to this post.

Oh, wait! New Monster Hunter 3 Ultimate trailer? Oh Hells yes!

I caught them all, again

I did it, I finally did it. I hunted down and leveled up all 154 Pokémon of the Unova region, so now I can finally check the task off my list and put Pokémon White Version behind me. Right in the nick of time too, because Pokémon White 2 (and Black 2, I guess) is released tomorrowday, and there’s no scenario in which I don’t pick up the new Pokémon title on day one.

Of course, one could say that my task is not yet truly complete. There are actually 156 Pokémon unique to the fifth generation of games, but two are still (legitimately) inaccessible to North American players. Nintendo has announced that Genesect will be given away via wi-fi starting tomorrow to commemorate the release of Black/White2, but Meloetta remains entirely uncatchable. While it’s been part of the franchise since the start, including Pokémon that cannot be obtained until Nintendo says it’s okay is totally stupid. The worst part, of course, being that if you want to play the game from the beginning again and you don’t have two DS systems and another Pokémon game of the same or a greater generation, there’s no way to back up these incredibly rare monsters. So if you reset your game, or your save file corrupts, you’re 100% boned.

I’m still waiting for the day where Game Freak decides they want to cram each and every critter onto a single cartridge. That will be nice.

Of course, if I were certifiably insane (or 14 years younger) I could try to fill up the National Pokédex. But really, there are 649 total species of Pokémon, and I’d have to trade from at least three other game cartridges to get them all. And that’s not including those stupid ones that Nintendo only hands out once in a lifetime. I don’t have any cheat devices for the last several generation of Nintendo handhelds, so I can’t even hack my way to completion. The only solution would be to cheat on a ROM and then trade from that to my legit game, but currently my DS emulator refuses to let its wi-fi support actually work.

tl;dr, I caught them all, I’m not going to catch them all.

Another one in the can

 

I thought had posted a link to this when I started it, but I guess not? I barely looked. I just did a blog search for “kirby” and nothing came up. Anyway, here’s an embedded thingy for you to watch Let’s Play Kirby’s Adventure. The series is complete, and I embedded the playlist, so you can just press play and watch beginning to end.

The whole series is about two and a half hours long. So a little less than the current average Hollywood blockbuster? It’s probably best to watch them all at once too, because I did it in two recording sessions, then just split them up between worlds. You’ll notice that I did not consider that plan as I was recording, and usually talked over the transition from boss to world intro, where the videos are cut.

This also marks the first series in which I intentionally cut out footage. There’s a section in episode seven that got me really riled up, and I ended up having to remove some of the video because I was getting embarrassingly frustrated and let slip more than a few naughty words. I like the idea of keeping all the video for a more complete experience, but sometimes you have to make an edit for the betterment of everyone. It’s not like you miss anything good either. It’s just ten minutes of me swearing and failing.

More like “Retardedbution”

The Wife and I went to see Resident Evil: Retribution last weekend. I don’t think I’ve ever said “What the F?” so many times during a single film.

Yeah, it was pretty much as retarded as can be. And not retarded in an awesome way like Lollipop Chainsaw, but retarded in a “how did anyone think this was a good idea?” kind of way. Keep in mind that this is coming from someone who liked the four previous Resident Evil movies, and went into the theater pretty excited for the next chapter.

The movie opens right where the last one left off, with Alice and a bunch of no-names on a huge boat and Umbrella…jets? I don’t know how do describe those things. Umbrella flying vehicles surrounding them. Only, it starts at the end of the scene, and the opening credits are set over the “battle” on the ship being played in reverse slow-mo. This is not a bad way to do your opening credits. Kind of artistic, but nothing super-original. The only problem I have with this is that Chris and Claire are on-screen for about three seconds and then vanish forever. They are nowhere else in the movie. It’s right after this scene that things go to Hell.

The opening credits are immediately followed up by Milla Jovovich spending ten minutes or so giving a rather thorough summary of the first movie, and then bits and pieces of the three sequels that preceded this one. Kind of odd that they spend so much time talking about the first one instead of the fourth film, Resident Evil: Afterlife, but it turns out to be foreshadowing, so I guess it’s okay. What’s not okay is that they just spent ten minutes of our movie summarizing the entire series up to this point! I know it’s Hollywood and they have to assume that all moviegoers are idiots, but geez. Once you’re in the fifth installment of a so-so action-horror franchise that’s (very) loosely based on a video game, you’re pretty much only attracting the people who’ve seen the other movies and need closure.

Then, then they have the gall to show us the boat battle. Again. In normal speed and not backwards. Again, you’re just doing this for the morons who didn’t understand the slo-mo-rewind version that they just saw ten minutes ago. There’s no need to show this scene a second time! We got it!

After that, there’s a “dream sequence” that does serve as more foreshadowing, sort of, but is still not entirely necessary. If you’re keeping track, after the opening credits are done, roughly the next half hour of movie is a big waste of time. Why could this time not have been spent fleshing out the plot a little better? Maybe instead of telling us stuff we (should) already know and showing duplicate scenes and a stupid dream sequence, maybe explain a little bit about the damn viruses! That’s actually really important and not something that has been discussed at all since the second movie!

I’ll take a little rage break to educate those of you who haven’t followed the games, and don’t know the Resident Evil virus lineage. The first movie starts with the T-Virus. This is accurate, and discussed at length in the first two films. It reanimates the dead, and has a mutation effect on most species, which gives us things like lickers and Nemesis. This is uncomplicated and without being nitpicky, it can reasonably carry us all the way to the end of third movie, Resident Evil: Extinction. But then in Afterlife, suddenly the zombies start sprouting Plaga tentacles and we encounter an Executioner. What’s that? What’s a Plaga, you ask? The Las Plagas parasite is introduced in Resident Evil 4, and genetically improved in Resident Evil 5, which is where the creepy mouth-tentacles come from. It’s also the reason why the “zombies” are now able to retain their intelligence and move at increased speeds: they’re not zombies, they’re giant bugs puppeteering the corpses of their human hosts. This is never explained in the movies, and you could have hand-waved it as a T-virus evolution until Retribution.

There are two points in this movie where the Las Plagas are mentioned by name. One is quick and subtle enough that you’ll miss it if you don’t know what it means, but the second is made a very big deal at the climax of the film. Never, ever, does anyone explain what the Las Plagas are, or where they came from. More infuriating still is that none of the Plaga hosts transform at any time. They just remain super-powered humans, though all but one look like vampires from Buffy. It’s not that this isn’t plausible, but it’s a huge waste of an opportunity! In a movie that’s about special effects and gruesome creatures, why wouldn’t you have the cool bug-monsters sprout out of their host bodies? (Big spoilers follow, highlight to read) More annoying still is that the main character who is injected with a Plaga ends up being eaten by the “Plaga Undead,” as the movie calls them. This is completely retarded, and makes absolutely zero sense. Plagas are supposed to have a hive-mind thing going on. They know damn well not to eat one of their own. Aargh! I understand that the movie series is taking some creative liberties with the franchise, but not explaining important plot elements is bad. It flies in the face of proper world-building and is just sloppy movie-making. I’m sure the rest of the entries in the series have their own problems like this, but none were nearly as noticeable to me.

While a lot of Retribution was pretty hard to watch, there were some good elements! They were named Ada Wong, Leon Kennedy, and Barry Burton. Three very awesome fan-favourite game characters that have only finally made their debut in the movie franchise. I have to especially hand it to the casting director, because Bingbing Li is a dead ringer for Ada, though maybe ten years younger. The costume designer is clearly a fan of the games too, because Leon and Barry’s outfits were spot-on to their game incarnations. At least to someone who doesn’t pay a huge amount of attention to costumes. Barry had his trademark red vest, and Leon had his super-swank jacket and shoulder-knife. Perfect.

All was not good surrounding these three though. The dude who played Leon very obviously had some issues with the awful dialogue, and his delivery on a handful of them were almost as bad as the writing itself. Then there’s Barry’s big part in the escape scene… you’ll know it when you see it, and you will either groan the biggest groan ever or actually hurt yourself because  you facepalmed so hard. I did the latter.

In conclusion, Resident Evil: Retribution has a few more issues than any of the other movies in the series. And I’ve got a pretty high tolerance for crap like this. It’s got some ups, a lot more downs, and an elephant-sized licker for some reason. The only reason you should see this movie is, like I said earlier, if you’ve seen the other four and need a little closure. Oh, but you won’t get that anyway because they all but said “stay tuned for the sixth one!” at the end. Yeesh.

Alive, tonight

I think I may have to start naming Tonight Alive as one of my favourite bands. I haven’t even known of their existence for a whole month, and already they’ve climbed to rank #33 on my Last.fm top artists chart, edging out a number of other bands I’ve been into for ages like Dethklok, OK Go, and Freezepop. This isn’t a huge achievement, because a lot of bands in that range only have between 200 and 300 plays, but considering that I prefer to listen to a range of music than the same few bands all the time, it’s not bad. And hey, the numbers don’t lie! They’re working their way up there.

You’ve probably never heard of Tonight Alive, and I wouldn’t blame you. They’re a relatively fresh group, having formed in 2008, and they haven’t had one of those silly “hit singles” in North America yet. But that’s okay. generally music that isn’t on the radio is better than music that is. I only stumbled onto them because I listened to Punk Goes Pop 4 on a whim, and was immediately smitten with Jenna McDougall’s voice. I looked up a handful of bands featuring on that album (Go Radio, Chunk! No Captain Chunk!, and For All Those Sleeping), but Tonight Alive has easily been the most popular with me.

So what are they all about? I suppose the easy answer, and indeed what drew me to them initially, is that they’re Australia’s Paramore. But that’s a stupid way to describe them, and doesn’t do justice to the band. Paramore is pretty great, especially Brand New Eyes, but Tonight Alive have plenty of their own style and substance to bring to the table.

I’ve really been getting into the modern punk scene lately, and while I do like the trend towards integrating post-hardcore and techno elements into the more traditional punk styles, I do have a very soft spot for some of the harder pop-punk, and that’s squarely where Tonight Alive sits. While they’re got the poppy energy and catchy hooks, their sound is also heavily dependent on some killer guitar riffs and a fairly heavy focus on the drumming. The combination of Jenna’s light, somewhat chirpy voice contrasts very nicely with the deeper, rougher instruments, and makes the music pop all that much more.

What Are You So Scared Of? would be a shoe-in if I were to elect a current favourite album, and I have a feeling that it’s going to become the third of my “comfort food” albums, which are the albums I turn to whenever I don’t know what else to listen to or just need something to assure me that there is good in the world. The other two are The Ataris’ So Long, Astoria and Jimmy Eat World’s Chase This Light, both matching up squarely with What Are You So Scared Of?‘s pop-punk aesthetic. These are the albums I will be listening to for the rest of my life, and they define me, my taste in music, and have helped to shape the way I view life and the world.

All Shapes and Disguises, is shorter, being an EP and all, lies a little more on the pop side of the spectrum, but I still quite like it. It’s also insanely well-produced for a self-funded debut EP. It’s clean and crisp, but doesn’t have that artificial “we edited it until it was perfect” tone to it. Also there’s a really sweet cover of Rufio’s “In My Eyes.” I don’t know the band Rufio, but you can be damn sure that I’m about to look them up!

Tonight Alive has also cited Thrice as a major influence, and anyone who likes Thrice is in my good books. Seriously. You could be a serial killer or cult leader and if you like Thrice I’ll still nod positively and think “that guy’s got pretty good taste in music.”

The only thing that makes me sad is that What Are You So Scared Of? was released less than a year ago, so it’s gonna be a bit of a wait before I get to hear any new material from these guys. I am frothing with anticipation.

Looking back, and then forward a little

The article format seems like kind of a stupid concession to the reason I started this dumb website, but the fact remains that I still feel compelled to segregate some of the more focused things I write. Even though there are many blog posts which could easily qualify to be articles. I think what really defines articles at this point is that they are big long posts that are generally not about video games. That said, I have written five this year! That’s the best output I’ve had since like… 2006. Yeesh. I go back and read those, and mostly I just remember the nice part of being single and unemployed – having as much time as you want to blow on completely stupid things.

But being employed has the dual benefits of providing income and a sense of purpose, and I don’t think I’d even be able to function anymore outside of a significant romantic relationship. That said, I do want to continue the recent trend of writing at least one thing that I can file under “articles” each month. Only problem is, I don’t have any good topics for the next three months. October and November are total blank slates, and a “24 Xs of Materialism” thing might be a last resort, because I’m not buying things left and right anymore. On the other hand, I have been working on a January feature for months now.

That feature, of course, is going to be “The Top X (10 or 12) Video Games I’ve Played in 2012” or something along those lines. I haven’t decided yet, but the idea is that in an attempt to pull emphasis away from my ever-increasing backlog, I’m going to instead celebrate a handful of the games I started and finished during this calendar year. I know it’s violating my new tendency to stay away from video games for articles, but it’s low-hanging fruit that I must pluck! I’ll go back to movies and candy come February.

Going back to my original intent for this post, however, I need some ideas for the rest of the year. October is quickly approaching and the accompanying article will have to be Halloween-themed, obviously. I’m thinking of just taking $10 to a dollar store and seeing if I can find enough interesting junk to justify spending three hours taking pictures of and writing about it. November is an absolute mystery to me at this point, but I’m leaning toward a project documentation, as opposed to a product review. You may experience another cooking fiasco. December… I hope to recreate the magic of the Holiday Viva Puffs review, albeit with a different minty-flavoured holiday treat. Or perhaps I’ll turn a gingerbread house kit into some sort of horrible gingerbread phallus. Actually, you know, I really like that one. I’m going to go start up a draft of that right now.

The last thing I need to do is get all the Facebook integration set up here. It’s annoying to try to post things on both the blog and Facebook, so I generally don’t do it. I don’t really want to work the social media route, but that seems to be the best way to reach out over the internet these days. Maybe I’ll even have to create a Twitter account. And find a good WordPress plugin to post stories on those sites. The only one I’ve tried using breaks my layout quite handily, so if anyone knows a good one that doesn’t conflict with the Weaver theme, please let me know.

Closing the gap

I was looking over my 2011 backlog list yesterday and was a little surprised to see that I had the goal of replaying Luigi’s Mansion on there. I actually did that recently! Yay! That’s another one to stroke off, and one I didn’t actually expect to get around to.

I was originally looking at the list to try to formulate a game plan for the weekend, but then I remembered that my youngest bro had asked to come over and play Spelunky, so that’s probably all I’ll be doing for the bulk of today. It’s nice that I’ve managed to hook someone else on Spelunky, because I love it, and it’s a big exception in that I actually much prefer to play multiplayer. I find the game a lot harder with a second person (especially in the very rare case where both people are wielding shotguns), but it’s a game that’s still pretty fun even when you’re dying repeatedly. I find the process of dying over and over to learn the game a lot more fun in action-platformer form than RPG. Probably because a winning Spelunky run takes an average of 15 minutes, whereas finishing the main dungeon in Shiren the Wanderer will generally take a lot longer. I love the idea behind roguelikes, but find it difficult to make the time investment required to learn them well enough to win.

Sunday will likely be devoted to The Last Story, but I’m thinking that if I really dedicate myself I could rush through what’s left of Master Quest in Ocarina of Time 3D. I christened my 3DS XL by getting up to the Master Sword, so I’ve really only got the best parts of the game in front of me. Well, except for the Fire Temple. It’s kind of dull, but at least the MQ version will mix it up a bit so it doesn’t just feel like I’m going through the motions.

I’ve also been doing a really poor job of wrangling up the last few ‘mons I need to fill out the Unova Dex in Pokémon White. I want it done before Black 2 and White 2 hit, so that leaves me…two weeks. The dumb thing about this is that it’s mostly just evolving that needs to be done, and it seems like the Unova Pokémn have a considerably higher average evolution level than monsters of previous generations. Or maybe it’s just that I don’t know as much about Pokémon as I used to. It’s a lot harder to keep track of the 600+ creatures than it was when there were only 151. In any case, a lot of Audinos are going to be beaten upon over the next two weeks. I need to fill that Pokédex!

So notice how there isn’t even a passing mention of maybe drawing a comic or going outside there? I think my hobby may have crossed the line into full-on addiction at this point. I probably won’t even take the time to blog anymore once I get Monster Hunter 3 Ultimate. Especially since saves are transferrable between the Wii U and 3DS versions! Yay obsession!