Dick Turtle’s Gallery

You know what’s pretty great? I appear to be the internet’s foremost expert in Dick Turtle surprise bags, having been the only human in history to ever photograph and document them. At least, that’s what a cursory Google search and a couple of Reddit threads suggest. I’m willing to accept that as irrefutable proof. I need to be the internet’s foremost expert on something.

That said, I did this “research” a while ago because I received a shocking email from a “fan” who had not only read my second Dick Turtle article, but also decided to complete the Dick Turtle colouring challenge that I had issued those many years ago. …Well, “complete” might be a bit of an exaggeration. Dick Turtle remains mostly uncoloured, but this is the first submission that I’ve ever received, so it’s the best by default.

Now that I’ve received a submission, I’ll honour my promise and use this post as a gallery for any other coloured Dick Turtle pictures that people send in. Considering that it took just shy of 17 years to get a single, partially-completed submission, I don’t anticipate that I’ll ever have to edit this post. Prove me wrong, children. Prove me wrong!


Submission by Rory S.

Gums, and then some

I went to the dentist yesterday, and for the first time in, I think, forever, the hygienist did not ask how often I floss. Instead, she just congratulated me on my greatly improved dental hygiene practices and thanked me for making her job easier. While I do brush my teeth every day, I have been terrible at flossing for my entire life. So it’s nice to know that I’m finally getting it right!

And this kind of comes as part of a huge flip of my lifestyle over the last few months. I’ve finally been making a consistent effort to take care of myself better lately. You know, like an adult should. I’ve been exercising just about every day, I’ve been eating better and less, I’ve gone back to completely cutting out sugary beverages (even diet soda), and I have a decent-looking beard now. I suppose that a renewed commitment to keeping my gums healthy goes hand-in-hand with all the other self-care practices I’ve been focused on lately.

Now I just need to start cleaning my home more than twice a year, and I might actually be able to pass as a respectable grown-up!

Monthend Video Game Wrap-Up: April 2022

~ Game Over ~

Ys II: Ancient Ys Vanished ~ The Final Chapter (PC) – Another playthrough to generate YouTube “content.” So much fun, I want to play it again!

Kirby and the Forgotten Land (Switch) – 100% completion. Excellent final world, and the Colosseum was notably easier than The Arena in most recent Kirby games. Mostly because the final Sword evolution is heckin’ broken.

Stranger of Paradise: Final Fantasy Origin (PS5) – You know, I think I might not be cut out for these high-octane, combat-focused action games. For all the things I like about Stranger of Paradise (and I like a lot of things about it!), the memories that endure will likely be of the incredibly frustrating boss battles, some of which took me multiple hours to win. I honestly don’t know what drove me to keep playing the post-game content…

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Fly Away

There’s a new Gloryhammer song! And it’s siiiiiick! And a new album is on the way! I’m telling you, 2022 is awesome!

I’m a little bit torn on the new singer. He’s a perfectly good fit for the job, but very different from the previous dude. It’s just that weird transition period, you know? Other than that, though? Exactly the riffy, cheesy, Gloryhammer power metal that I do so adore. I have big hopes for the rest of the album!

Now if only they would tour outside of Europe…

2022: The Year of Ryan

We’re only through four months at this point, but I’m ready to announce that 2022 has been pretty darn great to me so far. I could go on and list all the things that have put me into the happiest state of existence I’ve ever been in, but let’s just cut to what is currently The Big One:

A couple of weeks ago, I was asked by a team at work to provide an illustration of some description for our internal newsletter. This is… possibly the highest honour I’ve ever been granted. I’ve done commissions for people before, but this is… official. This is going to be published. And not self-published! Sure, there’s nothing in it for me but recognition and self-satisfaction, but those are two of my favourite things!

Of course, I proceeded to spend hours on a piece, only to decide that it sucks and throw it out two days before the submission was due. But hey! That’s the life of an artist!

I did turn out a pretty okay product in the end: a relatively lengthy (for me) comic strip about going back to work at the office. It’s not my best work, but I don’t think that I drew anything at all in 2021, so I’m shaking off the rust here. And also, like I said before, I only had two evenings to churn it out, so.

I’ll share it here eventually! But not today. Sorry!

Despite it not being my proudest work, being given this opportunity is definitely one of my proudest moments. I’m super happy right now! And it’s probably only like half because I’m up at 2:30 AM on a work night.

A companion for cooking

I’ve been having an odd recurring dream lately. In the dream, I’ll be cooking, as I am wont to do, but something’s different. There’s a little, human-shaped shade there in the kitchen with me. It watches me. I impart my (admittedly limited) kitchen-based wisdom to it. Sometimes I let it help with simple tasks. This isn’t an especially obtuse dream; it might as well be slapping me in the face with it’s meaning. What puzzles me is why? Why now? Am I subconsciously unfulfilled in some way? Is it an age thing?

On the odd chance that you haven’t decoded it: clearly these dreams are suggesting that I was meant to become a professor of the culinary arts. Time to go back to school!

I bring this up because it’s time to share a food thing I made! Not because these dreams have been causing me some level of emotional anguish and I’ve been unwilling to speak to anyone about it directly. Definitely not that. No! I want to share with you the good word of pizzaman!

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Push the limits (but why?)

This is the last post I’m going to write about Stranger of Paradise: Final Fantasy Origin. I promise. (Unless I see demand for more.)

I finally finished the game a couple of days ago. It isn’t an especially long video game, but it took nearly a full month to beat because a) it’s a very difficult game. Much more difficult than I would usually like. and b) I had to take a Kirby break for a week and change. It was a very pleasant break. I really needed that zero-stress time.

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Dreams Coming True

Last December, I ran a feature called the 24 Days of Desire. It was an Xmas countdown-style deal, each day highlighting a different thing that I wanted. In that feature, I noted that if I could have any one of those desires, it would be to go see BAND-MAID live.

GUESS WHAT!

I mean, yeah, now I have to plan a trip to New Jersey, but I’ve wanted to go there for a long time, anyway. And logistics be damned, I don’t care! I’M GOING TO SEE F’N BAND-MAID!

I don’t think I’ve ever been this excited before…

S-U-C-C-E-S-S

I entertain no delusions that people actually watch the content that I post to YouTube. It’s been entirely for my own amusement from the start, and I maintain that mentality to this very day. However!

Apparently, over the last month(ish), people have watched more than an entire work day of my “content”. That’s… something!

And, yeah, the views are “high”, but most of them are just robots who watch for three seconds or less. Or so I assume. They could very well be real people who watch for three seconds or less!

Anyway, I guess my point is: thank you, whoever is actually watching my videos. Seeing that watch time number go up makes me feel all the warm fuzzies. I can only hope that you don’t feel as if your time was wasted.

I also hope that for some reason you read my blog, so that you can appreciate my appreciation of you.

Monthend Video Game Wrap-Up: March 2022

~ Game Over ~

Hachiemon (GBA) – Do you remember Hachiemon? I finally went back and completed it (let’s play videos are on the way). I am bemused by the fact that I wrote an article about it, but had only played the first two stages.

Ys: Ancient Ys Vanished ~ Omen (PC) – Like Hachiemon above, I replayed this for a YouTube series. But also because I’ve been itching to play it again. I think I liked it even more the second time around!

Kirby and the Forgotten Land (Switch) – Definitely in my top three Kirby games. It’s still too fresh to say exactly where it lands on the scale, but it’s a contender, that’s for sure. The migration to 3D worked out great, and the new features are almost all excellent. Such a fun, adorable game!

Ragnarock (Oculus) – There’s no story mode or anything, so it’s not really a “game over” kind of game. Also I don’t usually bother to include rhythm game here, but this is a new one. I really like it.

~ Progress Notes ~

Triangle Strategy (Switch) – Chapter 12

Stranger of Paradise: Final Fantasy Origin (PS5) – Terra Tortura

Cyberpunk 2077 (PC) – Looking for one Adam Smasher.