Vania Mania

Last weekend, I went a little Castlevania crazy. Firstly, I read that Nintendo had put up some discounts for the Virtual Console versions of the original NES Castlevania trilogy on My Nintendo. Having nothing better to do with all the My Nintendo coins or tokens or whatever that had been piling up in my account, I got myself a nice 40% discount on Castlevania III and loaded ‘er up on my 3DS. Then, because I often forget about things even when I am incredibly excited for them, I read that the Netflix Castlevania series went live on Friday. So I watched all of that in a single sitting.

It all turned out to be a beautiful coincidence, because the animated Castlevania series is loosely based on Castlevania III. I had no idea!

So let’s talk about the show first. Straight up, I loved it. It’s got plenty of flaws, but I thought that it was still a fairly strong show. It was cool, violent, and sometimes funny, though truth be told, a lot of the humour was a little more adolescent than it probably should have been. Trevor Belmot is a massive jackass that I expect we’re supposed to eventually like, but he hasn’t quite gotten to that point yet. Maybe in season 2. Sypha and Alucard are awesome right from the word go, and it’s a massive tragedy that the season ends just as things are really getting good.

And I think that’s my biggest gripe with Castlevania: season one is only four 30-minute episodes, and only tells about a third of the story. Which, I suppose is right on target, as the upcoming second season is going to be eight episodes. Don’t get me wrong, they wrote in a lot of great supplemental material to flesh out the world and characters, but it still feels like this was just a test to see if there would be interest enough for the real story. Imagine if season two hadn’t been given the green light! We’d be left with nothing but an elongated prologue! Forever wondering what could have been!

The absolute best parts of the show were in fact the opening and closing scenes. The series begins with a very long cold open that serves to give Dracula personality and motivation. It’s a bit misleading because this part of the story is pulled more or less from Symphony of the Night, so I was double-surprised that the rest of the series followed Castlevania III instead. It makes perfect sense, though, as they’re telling the story in chronological order (though they did skip right past Lament of Innocence). The final scene is a -and I hesitate to use this word- epic battle between Trevor and Alucard. It was brilliant and incredibly cool. It also served to increase my hype levels to maximum and then slapped me right in the face with the hard truth that I would be left waiting for an indeterminate amount of time for this series to continue.

In a stunning turn of events, I enjoyed playing Castlevania III much less than I did watching it. I am fairly certain that it’s one of only two Castlevania titles that I hadn’t ever played (the other being Lords of Shadow 2). All the classic-style Castlevania are tough as balls, but none of them have ever felt quite as insurmountable as Castlevania III. It’s ridiculous how hard it is. So difficult, in fact, that I got frustrated to the point where I would put down a save state after every monster I defeated. It didn’t even feel that cheap, because you basically need a full life bar to have any hope at all against the bosses in the last few stages.

I’ve done a little reading up on the game in the meantime, and I’ve come to the conclusion that I should not have played the North American version. Apparently, in a stunning reversal of the usual “dumbing-down for Americans” trope, the Japanese version of Castlevania III is significantly less difficult. Fewer monsters, more generous checkpoints, and at least one character that has a useful long-range attack.

The biggest, and what I believe is the most important change, is the way your characters take damage. In the Japanese version, every monster deals a set amount of damage. So a medusa head that hits you for 1 HP in the second stage will still hit you for 1 HP in the ninth stage. However, in the North American version, all monsters hit for the same amount of damage based on how far you are in the game. So in the first stage, you’ll take 1 HP damage from every hit, while in the final stage, you’ll take 4 HP damage from every hit, regardless of monster type. This is crazy and significantly upsets the difficulty balance.

I can’t in good conscience say that the game is bad, because it’s mostly just that the difficulty level is broken. If the game was just a little friendlier, I probably would have really liked it. I found myself on more than one occasion amazed by the visuals (it’s a beautiful NES game), and it retains the tight, methodical Castlevania gameplay that made the series so popular in the first place. Let’s not forget the incredible soundtrack! It’s a huge game with ten stages and a number of alternate paths, and you can pick up several partner characters along the way that can tag in for Trevor at any time. The only game design part that I thought was actively terrible is one section where you have to climb a tower of falling blocks. It’s incredibly slow and long, easy to get killed on, and is boring as all heck. Plus there’s no checkpoint after it, so if you get killed by monsters afterward… enjoy slogging up that section again. It must have been my seventh or eight climb up that tower that I decided to start abusing save states.

And so ends my Castlevania craziness for now. I actually find myself wanting to play Lords of Shadow again for some reason, but I just can’t be bothered to unpack and hook up my Xbox 360 right now. Perhaps in a month’s time when I’m moved and settled into my new home. But hey, by that point, my Castlevania fever might have already subsided.

Monthend Video Game Wrap-Up – June 2017

It seems like I’m in one of those phases where I spend a little bit of time with lot of different games. This usually happens when I don’t have a “major” game to focus my time on. Though Ever Oasis was nearly the only thing I played for the final week of the month…

~ Game Over ~

Life is Strange (PS4) – The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. But that doesn’t make the choice any easier. Sorry, Chloe 🙁

Zoo Rampage (PC) – Barf.

ArcaniA (PS4) – By the end, I’d gotten so accustomed to the game’s jankiness that I think I was genuinely enjoying it. But man, is it ever broken. Almost Bethesda-like, to be honest.

Spooky Cats (PC) – It’s a thing, alright.

Mighty Gunvolt Burst (Switch) – A very good Mega Man successor.

Chrono Trigger (SNES) – I usually have trouble with Lavos on a NG playthrough of Chrono Trigger, but I won pretty handily this time around, despite feeling like I was ill-prepared for it.

Team Kirby Clash Deluxe (3DS) – I’ve rolled the credits, but there’s still so much more to accomplish. Is it worth the time and effort, though? I’m not really smart enough to say.

Anna: Extended Edition (PS3) – A free PS+ spook-em-up that sounded great on paper, but was more than a little lacking in practice. And yet it still lingers in my mind… how apropos.

Ape Escape 2 (PS4) – Finally completed the slog of a replay to earn the final trophy. I don’t know why I did this to myself, to be perfectly honest. Ape Escape is NO FUN.

Continue reading Monthend Video Game Wrap-Up – June 2017

Pokémon Direct thoughts

A new Pokémon Direct happened today! I have thoughts! Excited thoughts!

Pokkén Tournament DX – I’ll be honest, it’s not what I was hoping for, but it’s about what I expected. You can’t fault Nintendo for taking all the big games from a system that nobody owned and re-releasing them on the hot new machine that everybody (who matters) wants.

But I’m at a very tough crossroads with this one. On one hand, I don’t really want to buy Pokkén again. $80 seems like a lot for any fighting game that isn’t Smash. On the other hand, it has become obvious that they’re never releasing the DLC characters for the Wii U version, so this will be my chance to finally play as my beloved Scizor. Plus Decidueye is super cool and will probably be a lot more useful in Pokkén than the actual Pokémon games.

Ah, who am I kidding? I’m absolutely going to buy it again. Pokkén will be an excellent bus game.

Pokémon Ultra Sun and Ultra Moon – This is not what anyone expected. The whole world was set on getting Pokémon Stars for Switch, not an alternate telling of Sun/Moon on 3DS again. But that’s just the way Game Freak works. They love clinging to the system they’re comfortable on.

Again, I’m a little hesitant to get too excited here. I mean, we really only got a little teaser; I need to know a lot more before I decide how much I care about this one. Pokémon Sun and Moon were wonderful games, and if they craft the UItras as well as they did Black 2 and White 2, I would say we’ve got a definite Buy on our hands here. But that’s going to require at least three things: a convincing new plot, at least one new island to explore, and the return of that sweet movie-making mini-game.

Ohhhhh and new Alolan Forms. Those have to be a thing.

At the very least, the mystery of Necrozma is solved(ish): he becomes armour for Solgaleo and Lunala. Should have been more obvious, since he’s a prism and his ability is Prism Armor. It’s also another parallel to BW2, where Kyurem can fuse with Reshiram and Zekrom.

Pokémon Gold and Silver on 3DS Virtual Console – IMO this should have happened long ago, not in this coming September. Finally, we’ll be able to play a legit version of these games without having to worry about the dreaded battery issue! But seriously, what was the freakin’ holdup?

Actually I think that this is what I’m most excited for out of the three announcements. Though it shouldn’t come as much of a surprise, considering how much I love retro gaming. Gold and Silver are great, though to date I have logged uncountable hours into them and still haven’t completed an English version of either one. I very much look forward to leaving one (or both?) half-finished yet again.

What really boggles my mind is the complete absence of Pokémon Crystal, the GBC-exclusive third version. Its extra features and animated sprites are awesome, but really I want it mostly because it was the first Pokémon game that let you play as a girl.

Ode to Mega May

In 2015, I recorded myself playing through Mega Man 4. I never did anything with the files because… I really don’t quite remember why. Probably because I was too lazy to watch and process them.

Anyway, I went and did all that work last month and put the finished videos on YouTube as a celebration of Mega May. Because I didn’t actually play any Mega Man games. Had to do something, you know? The first episode is embedded below.

The series is… not doing well. Nobody watches my Let’s Play videos. Maybe that’s why I didn’t bother processing and uploading these before? And after all the trouble I went through (barely any) to whip up those spiffy title cards.

Monthend Video Game Wrap-Up – May 2017

This may be the longest list to date… I don’t know quite how it happened, seeing as I feel like I’ve been playing far fewer video games than usual. Ack! Maybe it’s time to start logging playtime?

~ Game Over ~

Bye-Bye, BoxBoy! (3DS) – Is it the Best Box Boy? Yeah. Yeah it is. They’ve definitely pushed the series as far as it can go, and I’m glad it’s (ostensibly) being retired before it loses its lustre.

KAMIKO (Switch) – I thought “This looks neat, I’ll buy it off the Japan eShop because there’s no way it’ll ever come out in North America” but was stymied because the Japan eShop doesn’t accept my MasterCard. And then it came out in North America the very next week. Welp!

ABZÛ (PS4) – Something about a diver saving an underwater ecosystem from the ravages of machines. I don’t really get it, but it was super pretty. Also, so many cool fishies!

Blazing Star (Switch) – A NEO-GEO shoot-’em-up that is visually amazing (duh). It also taught me what separates a good shmup from an annoying shmup: enemies that soak up bullets. Also most of the playable ships are kind of terrible. Windina is always the way to go.

Stardew Valley (PC) – We accomplished everything that isn’t a horrible slog. Once we acquired the Junimo Hut, it just seemed like there was nothing else worth doing. And so it’s finally over.

Dark Witch Music Episode: Rudymical (Switch) – The title gives away that this is not your average Legend of Dark Witch game. In fact, it is instead a weird rhythm game that demands nothing less than perfection. Despite that, I still kinda liked it.

Destroy All Humans! (PS4) – Bought the PlayStation Humble Bundle just to replay this. Honestly, a little underwhelming on the gameplay front, but I loooove the B-movie aesthetic/plot.

Snipperclips (Switch) – Chopped my way to the end of the single-player levels. It’s a very clever game, but is so much more fun when you’re working with other players. And I say that from experience, having previously solved all the multiplayer stages with a full four-person team.

ARMS Global Testpunch (Switch) – Okay, so I didn’t really “beat” it because it’s just a demo… But I really wanted to list it because it absolutely sold me on ARMS. Of course.

Continue reading Monthend Video Game Wrap-Up – May 2017

Understanding in restrospect

Destroy All Humans! is a weird title for a video game. I mean, you never destroy all humans. It’s not really the goal. You can’t destroy all the humans. They keep spawning in forever. That and the game had at least three sequels, (one of which was strangely Wii-exclusive, IIRC) which means that your little alien fella has a pretty bad track record of completing his title objective.

I bring this up because I bought the PlayStation THQ Nordic Humble Bundle a couple of weeks ago. Specifically because I remember really enjoying Destroy All Humans! and wanted to play it again. At least that’s what I’ve been telling myself.

Full disclosure: it was mostly so I could watch Teenagers From Outer Space again. Which I’m almost certain I could have just watched for free on YouTube.

Anyway, replaying Destroy All Humans! has been a somewhat revelatory experience. See, I’ve been watching Unsealed: Alien Files (which is engrossingly dumb) lately, and I’m mildly shocked that DAH borrows a number of real-life alien conspiracy theories. For example, the plot of the game is about aliens returning to Earth to harvest human DNA, because their alien DNA has degraded through generations of cloning, and humans have pristine alien DNA in them from some random copulation millenniums ago. This is a thing that some people actually believe as truth! How insane is that!? The game’s shadowy government agency that exists to deal with aliens is called Majestic, and in real life, conspiracy nutters believe that an organization known as the Majestic 12 runs all the extra-terrestrial-related recovery/investigation/whatever. Neat!

I guess there’s probably more in there, but I haven’t noticed any other significant connections. You’ve got the regular stuff like abductions, probes, and cow mutilation, but nothing that suggests any specific conspiracy theories that I’m aware of. Anyway, it’s cool that the references/inspirations are there, and I had no idea about them the first time I played the game. And that’s really about all I have to say about that.

Monthend Video Game Wrap-Up – April 2017

~ Game Over ~

NieR: Automata (PS4) – Finished up and got that sweet platinum trophy. Loved every minute of it. I laughed, I cried (multiple times), and I have to say it’s a worthy follow-up to one of my favourites.

PaRappa the Rapper Remastered (PS4) – Yeah, I bashed my head against this wall long enough to get to the end, but I doubt I will ever truly understand how to play well.

Blaster Master Zero (Switch) – What a stellar game! The original Blaster Master is much too hard for me, so this reboot was a very nice way to appreciate the game without all the headaches.

The Unfinished Swan (PS4) – A weird little first-person adventure game that is constantly playing with how you get around its world. Read more here.

Wonder Boy: The Dragon’s Trap (Switch) – Beautiful remake of a TG-16 platformer that I didn’t realize that I already own on Wii Virtual Console. Oh well! It’s definitely worth buying again!

Pic-A-Pix Color (WiiU) – Honestly, I’m as surprised as you are that I’m playing a Wii U game. But then again, it’s picross, so maybe not. Also it’s crossbuy with 3DS, so I’ll likely play it again soon!

Continue reading Monthend Video Game Wrap-Up – April 2017

Wherein I showed some effort

Guess what! I went and slapped a few more of those old non-WordPress articles into WordPress! Now there are more things here to read! Hooray! Exclamation points!

GameCube Demo Disc – Honestly, I wish there were more of these. I’m very much at the point in my life where hidden gems of that era interest me greatly.

Birthday Article 2003 – The first of… several. Certainly could be classified as a relic of another era, as I will never again get enough things for my birthday to write an article about.

Mario Kart: Double Dash!! – Read this and get excited for Mario Kart 8 Deluxe on Switch! Or at least, wish that Nintendo would bring back the two-person karts. I liked that gimmick a lot.

Holiday Viva Puffs – I had actually moved this one over back in December, but forgot to make a big stick about it. Whoops!

With these up, all articles from 2003 and 2006 onward are available on the WordPress site. Of course, they all still exist in their gaudy web 1.0 glory on the archive site. So feel free to check that out if you’re tired of the unified white-and-blue theme. Some of them have ugly background jpgs!

On rapping paper dogs

I was browsing the PSN store about a month back, to see if anything good was on sale. When clicking into the PS+ deals, I noticed that I was able to pre-order a remastered version of PaRappa the Rapper at a discount. I didn’t really stop to think about it, and immediately locked in that preorder. I love the soundtracks to PaRappa and its spin-off, Um Jammer Lammy. Why would I pass up the opportunity to get an HD-quality version of the game?

The game was released this past Tuesday and the answer to that question, my friends, is that PaRappa the Rapper Remastered is almost unfairly difficult, and as a result, is not all that fun to play. It’s a rhythm game that arbitrarily rewards or punishes you for matching the rhythm, despite that ostensibly being the goal of the game. This was the same thing that kept me from ever really getting into the original release.

Now, if you are completely unfamiliar with this game or perhaps the genre at large, it’s actually very simple. Each stage is a song, wherein a character will rap a phrase, and then you have to rap it back at them. This is accomplished by pressing corresponding buttons that appear on a bar at the top of the screen as PaRappa’s icon passes over them. Typically, you want to hit the button right on time, but every other rhythm game will allow a little wiggle room in either direction. You know, because rewarding only perfect timing would be more maddening than fun.

PaRappa… doesn’t follow these rules at all. I spent maybe and hour and a half with the game, and I still have no idea when it actually wants me to press the buttons. It seems completely arbitrary, as even when I hit every note with (as far as I can tell) perfect timing, there’s a 50% chance that the game will see fit to detract points from my score. Sometimes it seems like the game would prefer me to hit the button a little bit ahead of the cue, sometimes a little bit after. This appears to change not even with every song, but with every phrase. It’s literally impossible to suss out what the game really wants from me. At this point, I think it might be actively trying to infuriate me.

Compounding the problem is that PaRappa’s vocals will accompany each button press, and they will totally throw you off. If your timing is imprecise, his raps will be stuttery and incomplete. If your timing is perfect, they’ll flow like a river. But in my experience, the better his rhymes flowed, the more likely the game was to penalize me. For whatever reason, the jumpy stutter-rapping scored better more often. There are options to “Feel the Beat” (enable rumble) and “See the Beat” (I noticed no difference), but they didn’t help at all in figuring out the correct timing.

It’s all really too bad, as the rest of the game is wonderful. The weird paper style of the visuals is a little dated, but I still think the game looks rad. The story that goes along with those visuals is a little formulaic, but it’s cute and usually pretty funny. And like I said before, the music is excellent. These are tracks that I often listen to independent of the game.

If PaRappa was a little more forgiving, I could see myself going back to it to play for trophies and maybe even just for fun, but as it stands, I almost feel like I’ve been swindled on this one. Admittedly, I should have known better, because I’ve been frustrated with PaRappa before on more than one occasion, and I’ve spent countless hours trying to get in the groove with Um Jammer Lammy, which has all the exact same issues. I suppose that I was just hoping that the HD remaster would have a softer touch.

The worst thing about it all, though? I’ll absolutely buy Um Jammer Lammy Remastered as well, if it should ever happen.

Monthend Video Game Wrap-Up – January 2017

Holy crow, 2017 is already flying by. It seems like it was just New Year’s Day, and already we’re in February. It’s gonna be Switch Day before we know it!

And that’s about the extent of my small talk abilities. That’s why I spend so much time playing video games alone instead of socializing with humans.

~ Game Over ~

Layers of Fear (PS4) – Appropriate that the first game I beat in 2017 is yet another spook-em-up walking simulator. I think I may have found my sub-genre. In an effort to try to toughen up a bit, I started playing with the lights off and headphones on. That lasted for half the game, at which point I simply could not take it any more. Anyway, I really liked it, and played through twice to get all the trophies.

Layers of Fear: Inheritance (PS4) – A DLC half-sequel for the game listed above. It was good, but much less frightening and also I needed to play through it three times for all the trophies. Though that’s really not such a big problem when the game can easily be run in under an hour.

Resident Evil 7 (PS4) – I was so excited for this scaled-down take on RE, and then about two hours in, I realized “oh, this is just a backwoods version of Alien: Isolation.” But then it quickly got much better and I got completely sucked in. Loved it. Can’t wait to play it again.

Day of the Tentacle Remastered (PS4) – There couldn’t have been a better time to accidentally subscribe to PS+. This was one of the free games for January, and though I own the original game, I haven’t played it in, oh, 20 years? It was wonderful to relive, and looked gorgeous on my giant HDTV. Absolutely perfect bit of nostalgia.

Shovel Knight (3DS) – I played Shovel Knight again. Surprise, surprise. But I did play New Game+ this time, which is v difficult.

Continue reading Monthend Video Game Wrap-Up – January 2017