Dark Souls: A Different Approach

Previously on Dark Souls: Morgan tried to break into Anor Londo castle, but got mercilessly killed over and over agin for her efforts.

The silver archers were starting to drain my enthusiasm. No. The gauntlet that led up to my inevitable death at the hands of the archers is what was really bugging me. Spinning that tower over and over again was such a chore. It was at this point that I decided to go back to the terrace bonfire and make that one my respawn point instead. It was a longer walk back across the bridge, but still took less time than waiting for the tower to do two spins after each death.

I’d lost count of how many times the archers had killed me, but I was still trying to find a way past them. There wasn’t one, though. There was only one way into the castle, and it was past these jerks.

Giving it yet another go, I steeled myself after disposing of the winged demons and started running up the buttress. I made it! But now was not the time for rejoicing! The ledge that led around the castle was very narrow, and a snigle misstep would send me to my death. Again. Also I still had those knights to deal with. Luckily, a stray wall was between me and one of them, so I only had to face off against the other to progress.

Gripping my shiled tightly as each massive arrow deflected off of it, I slowly edged towards my silver-plated foe. He stood unwavering in his position, loosing arrow after arrow even as I came within  striking distance. The knight then exchanged his bow for a sword and shield, apparently intending to engage me in a swordfight on the precarious ledge. We stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity, and I began to worry. I had never faced such a patient foe before, and this knight had been just as agressive as the rest until just now.

Then I felt the arrow burrow into my back. The force of the impact slammed me into the wall and I bounced off of it, and down into the dark unknown. That stupid knight had just been stalling until his buddy was in a position to shoot me from behind. What a couple of dicks. You Died.

My spirit was broken. I was never going to get into the castle. So I headed back up the trail to the landing where I’d first set foot in Anor Londo, head hung low, and had the winged demons carry me back over the mountainside to Sen’s Fortress.

I trudged back to Firelink Shrine and rested at the bonfire, weary and not sure of what I was supposed to do. Then I noticed a strange clacking sound coming from behind me.

I turned around, and past a few crumbling walls, where there had used to be an empty area that resembled a pool, was a massive, horrifying head sticking out from a pit of inky blackness. The creature rhythmically clacked his teeth together as I approached it, and it seemed almost happy to see me, which was somewhat alarming in this hostile world.

The creature, who introduced himself as the primordial serpent, Kingseeker Frampt, was in fact delighted that I had shown up. Seems he’d been looking for the chosen one or some junk. I wasn’t overly interested in his story, but he did say that an object of great power, the Lordvessel, was hidden away in Anor Londo castle, and that he thought that I’d be the one who could obtain it.

Guess he hadn’t heard about my adventures in Anor Londo.

At least I knew what I was supposed to be doing. I had an objective now. But I decided to head off in the opposite direction and fight some skeletons in the graveyard instead. It had been a while since I’d been over that way. Also I owed them a little payback for all those times that they killed me when I first arrived in Firelink.

Tune in next week for Part 22: Creepshow

Monthend Video Game Wrap-Up: April 2014

In March I tried to focus on fewer games, getting my count of beaten games up, and cleaving away a small portion of my backlog. But then April came along and I have just been all over the place with my gaming; playing on every platform, new games, old games, half-beaten games. I guess it’s like that rubber-band effect that happens to people who try to lose weight the wrong way.

This month’s list is huge, but at least I beat a lot of the games on it. Lately it seems like I’ve been favoring a system of working on one or two long games, while supplementing that with a bunch of smaller games that can be beaten over a couple evenings or a single afternoon. It’s a good system, and I wish I’d thought of it years ago. Maybe then my backlog wouldn’t be so enormous.

~ Now Playing ~

Castlevania: Lords of Shadow: Mirror of Fate HD (360) – Unlike many, I quite liked the first Lords of Shadow game, but the 3DS sequel seemed so tepid that I skipped it. Luckily, Mercurysteam saw fit to release an HD version for $15 only a few months later, which then went on sale, and that sounded good enough to me. And, yeah, it’s pretty much as mediocre as the reviews make it out to be. Oh well.

Continue reading Monthend Video Game Wrap-Up: April 2014

Not-quite-double vision

I know almost nothing about Phineas and Ferb or Disney Infinity, but a big ol’ wave of déja vu rolled over me when I saw this pre-order card at Best Buy a couple weeks ago.

For whatever reason, this figurine (which I later confirmed is in fact Phineas) reminds me very strongly of the official Ness figurine.

When you sit the two next to each other, they aren’t really all that similar, but they do share a bunch of traits. The striped shirt, blue jeans, and green base. Big heads topped with something red (Phineas’ hair and Ness’ baseball cap). You can see how at a glance, I could have been mistaken and had one of those “Bluh?” moments.

That’s all. Just a funny observation today.

Year of N64 – April: Star Wars: Rogue Squadron

I have two vivid memories in relation to Star Wars: Rogue Squadron.

The first is the Easter that came after I got the game. I don’t remember the circumstances under which I received the game proper (it was likely a Christmas gift), but I do remember that on that Easter, I got the Official Nintendo Player’s Guide for it as a gift. We also went to the Royal Fork Buffet for Easter dinner that year, and I brought the guide along with me so that I could study the game and how to earn the gold medals and unlockable ships. It was also the last time I can recall enjoying the Royal Fork Buffet. Maybe the food there used to be better, maybe I just didn’t know better becaue I was a child. We may never know the truth. Also we got the PC versions of Rayman and Earthworm Jim, but I was much less interested in those.

I want to say I chose to play Rogue Squadron in April because it and Easter have a permanent link in my mind, but really I’m not that clever. It’s April’s game of the month because that’s just how things rolled out. Pure coincidence.

Continue reading Year of N64 – April: Star Wars: Rogue Squadron

Applause for Pokémon

On one hand, I generally hate pop music mashups. They’re almost always stupid and more often than not I hate both of the songs they’re made out of.

On the other hand, I love it when two totally opposite things blend together absolutely beautifully.

That said, guess how I feel about the video embedded below. (Hint: I try to mostly only post about things I like.)

Dark Souls: Boot Stamping on a Hollow Face – Forever

Previously on Dark Souls: Morgan fought a bunch of giant statue-men with varying degrees of success, and broke a really expensive-looking chandelier.

Flipping the massive lever at the base of the spinny tower again, I stood and waited until it had rumbled into position, completing the bridge from the terrace at the entrance of Anor Londo to the massive castle on the opposite side. I scaled the spiral staircase up to the bridge and was ambushed by another gargoyle, which I dispatched quickly.

Things were going swimmingly, and my head was beginning to swell with confidence.

On the other end of the bridge was a massive staircase leading up to the castle entrance. The castle, of course, was locked up tight, and there was a sentinel standing on either side of the enormous door. Being so excited to have reached the castle, I accidentally alerted them both at the same time, and, well, things happen. You Died.

To get back to the castle from the lower bonfire, I had to spin the tower twice. It was a little annoying.

The doorway sentinels were a huge pain, as it was very hard to get their attention one at a time, and then I was forced to fight them on the staircase. The uneven ground made a difficult enemy even harder, until I learned that I could use the lower ground to make evading some att acks easier. It wasn’t that’s much easier though. You Died.

Spin once to bring the tower down, spin it again to make it go back up.

It took me a few more tries to defeat both sentinels, and I always started with the one on the left. For no specific reason; it just felt natural. It was truly disheartening to learn that all that was behind that guy was a locked door. To make progress, I really only had to fight the one on the right. Even then, if I was able to just sneak past him, the gate I needed to go through was much too small for him, so I could have avoided all those fights and deaths entirely if I’d simply been more observant.

Taunting the sentinel from the other side of the gate was not a good idea though, as he was still able to spear me with his weapon through it. You Died.

Spin once to bring the tower down, spin it again to make it go back up.

Little did I know that the sentinels were really the least of my problems. On the other side of the gate was a balcony where a bunch of winged demons were hanging out. They were the same kind of demons that had flown me into Anor Londo, but these ones were much less benevolent. They each carried a spear that coursed with the power of lightning, which cost me a bit of health even when I blocked their strikes. The only saving grace here was that it was easy to bait the demons over to me one at a time. Fighting them all at once would have been suicidal.

From that balcony, I had to cross over another buttress to a small tower. I didn’t see anything at the other end, so I let my guard down and dashed across without hesitation. As soon as I stepped onto the tower though, two winged demons jumped out at me and started stabbing at me with their lightning spears. I turned tail and tried to run back across the buttress, but then they started throwing lightning spears at me, and a person can only take so many lightning spear to the back before they expire. You Died.

Spin the tower down, spin the tower up. Pass the sentinel, kill the balcony demons.

The demons on the small tower had a weakness: they could not cross the buttress back up to the balcony because the railings on either side made the path too narrow for them. I could simply stay slighty out of their range on the buttress, and quickly go in for an attack  It felt like I was really getting away with something, but then I discovered that the spaces between the railings were not too narrow fro me to slip through if I wasn’t careful. And off into the blackness I fell… You Died.

Spin the tower down, spin the tower up. Pass the sentinel, kill the balcony demons.

The process of getting back to the stupid buttress was beginning to weigh on me. But this time, I killed those stupid winged demons, and I triumphantly began crossing yet another buttress that lead up to the wall of the castle. Then I heard a strange thwip noise, and another right after it. Then a massive javelin pierced my torso, knocking me onto the ground. The second javelin ran through me and everything went black. You Died.

Spin the tower down, spin the tower up. Pass the sentinel, kill the balcony demons. Kill the tower demons.

I hid behind a corner of the tower and took a look to see where those javelins had come from. Off in the distance, I could see a pair of silver knights standing on either side of the ledge lining the castle wall that I was aiming to get to. I crept around the corner to better assess the situation when I saw them both draw their huge bows. I tucked back behind the wall as they loosed their “arrows” and I heard the crash of steel piercing stone as the arrows hit the other side of the wall.

But the archers did not stop just because I was behind cover. I heard pair after pair of arrows collide with the wall, and decided that I’d have to just run for it. Probably shoudl have waited a bit longer though, as I only made it halfway across the buttress before one of the giant arrows hit me and the force of the impact sent me flailing into the abyss. You Died.

Spin the tower down, spin the tower up. Pass the sentinel, kill the balcony demons. Kill the tower demons.

I tried to cross over to the castle wall again, hoping that if I began my run before the archers noticed me, the head start would be the edge I needed to make it across. I did almost make it, but took an arrow to the thigh and went plummeting to my doom again. You Died.

Spin the tower down, spin the tower up. Pass the sentinel, kill the balcony demons. Kill the tower demons. Get killed by the archers. You Died.

Spin the tower down, spin the tower up. Pass the sentinel, kill the balcony demons. Kill the tower demons. Get killed by the archers. You Died.

Spin the tower down, spin the tower up. Pass the sentinel, kill the balcony demons. Kill the tower demons. Get killed by the archers. You Died.

Spin the tower down, spin the tower up. Pass the sentinel, kill the balcony demons. Kill the tower demons. Get killed by the archers. You Died.

Spin the tower down, spin the tower up. Pass the sentinel, kill the balcony demons. Kill the tower demons. Get killed by the archers. You Died.

*Sigh*

Tune in next week for Part 21: A Different Approach

The Easter Candy Parade 2014

Let’s not shilly-shally around today. I like doing three-paragraph intros to my articles, but this one is the shallowest, most originality-free thing I’ve written in forever, so it doesn’t deserve an intro like that. Today, we’re talking about Easter.

Specifically, the absolute truckload of Easter-type goodies that my parents and in-laws gave us. Being creaky, old, mortgage-paying adults, we’re not really the kind of people you’d think would get so many Easter goodies, but our parents spoil the crap out of us and I’m thankful for that every day. Hooray!

You know, now that I think of it, I’m pretty sure that the last two Easters, when I’ve been moved out of my parents’ house, have been the most lucrative Easters since I turned 18. I can’t recall the Easters between then and marriage at all, so they must have been pretty tame.

See? Two bags full of chocolate and candy. We (and by “we” I mean “I” because I’m a big fatty) don’t need this many sweets at all, but we certainly won’t turn away a bunch of free candy. That would be stupid. If properly rationed, this could last us halfway through summer. It likely won’t, but it could.

Continue reading The Easter Candy Parade 2014

Commercial break

Your regularly scheduled Dark Souls programming is going to be taking a break this week, because I didn’t write it. I know this is going to really upset the 7 imaginary readers who’ve been following the series with vigor, but you’ll all have to sit tight until next Thursday for your fix.

I was going to type some other stuff in here instead, but then I forgot what I wanted to write about. So all you get is this filler post.

Phlegm and stuff

I’ve been suffering from a rather debilitating bout with a common cold for almost a week now. It’s been nothing but snot and stuffiness for me lately, and also it’s a Man Cold so it’s much worse than a cold really should be.

The “upside” to this whole business is that I took Monday and Tuesday afternoon off work to recover. I don’t like taking sick days, and I always feel guilty about them, but they do have a sort of weird appeal to them. Maybe it’s because of all the fake sick days I took in school (which I don’t feel bad about in the least), but a sick day to me is a day where I can do anything at all and not feel like I’ve frittered away a day off.

I know that maybe that’s hard to understand, but I can’t really explain it any clearer. It’s weird, and I’m weird. We all know this, so let’s just move on.

While I was feeling like a horrible pile of yuck, Monday was a pretty great day. I slept in, watched cartoons with breakfast, and drank litres upon litres of hot lemon tea. I also watched a couple movies, which is not something that I’d ever currently do with my free time. At least, not without a handheld video game dividing my attention.

In an effort to pare down my Netflix queue a little, the first movie I watched was Devil’s Pass. Unlike video games, I don’t usually read movie reviews before I watch them. If I had, I might have assumed that Devil’s Pass was garbage and skipped it. I thought it was alright, though. It’s a found footage movie, which is already something I’m not a fan of, but I’ve seen a lot worse than this one. The movie’s plot boils down to a group of stupid college kids who go out on an expedition into some Russian mountain range, where nine hikers mysteriously died in the 50s. The fun part is that the movie’s lore actually happened. Read up on it here. I love when I get a fun little history lesson mixed into my movies, so I found that part of the flick really appealing.

The less fun part is pretty much the rest of the movie. The kids are dumb (obvi), the actors aren’t great, the special effects are amateurish, and the whole found footage business is handled as stupidly as usual. Also the story ends up being really awful and totally winds in on itself in a way that makes the idea that anyone actually found the footage literally impossible. Huge plot hole there. So huge that I have no idea how it wasn’t addressed at all.

Also, since you don’t how who/what the antagonist is until the last 15 minutes, you’re constantly wondering just how supernatural it’s going to end up being. At one point in the film, a couple of bodies scurry past in the background while the characters ramble on, and I thought that it was a dead giveaway that the bad guys would be abominable snowmen. This was not the case. So if you’ve been eyeing up Devil’s Pass on Netflix or whatever and hoping that it’s a movie with yetis in it, it’s not. That was probably my biggest disappointment.

The other movie I watched was Guillermo del Toro’s classic monster movie, Mimic. I’d never seen it before, but the promise of a movie about giant man-eating bugs was more than enough to interest me. The fact that it’s a movie about giant man-eating bugs that has no reservations about murdering children on-screen? Well that’s something that I just have to watch.

Mimic was awesome, and that’s coming from someone who only half-watched it because for the first half of the movie I was engaged in a Google search for pictures of Gemma Atkinson‘s boobs (she was in Devil’s Pass).

Anyway, it was a pretty typical monster-slasher, but that’s exactly the kind of movie I love to watch, so how could I complain? It had a pretty lead, really cool bug monsters, and a sassy black cop. What else do people even want from a movie? No, I’m serious. I don’t understand why you’d want to watch anything that doesn’t have at least one of those elements. Or Muppets.

Tuesday afternoon, on the other hand, was a huge bust. I basically just went home early and slept the rest of the day’s working hours away. I might have felt at my worst that day, since I got up and tried to soldier my way through a work day instead of just getting the rest I needed. The good news is that all the extra rest I got that afternoon seems to have worked a small miracle and I’m feeling so much better than I did yesterday. Still like crap, but functional crap, at least.

Or maybe it’s because I started shotgunning Buckely’s that night. I guess that could have made a difference too.

Also I played a lot of Doom on my Xbox over the last few days. It’s… Just as great as I remember it being. Modern FPS games really are just crap when you put them side-to-side with the classics.