Mike Tyson and some mysteries

My TV and movie viewing tastes are pretty much the same as they used to be. If anything, they’ve expanded. The problem is that I rarely feel like I have it in me to sit down and watch a movie, never mind start watching a TV series. And so my Netflix queue just grows and grows.

In fact, the majority of my TV consumption lately has just been watching BoJack Horseman again and again for some reason. Because I want to watch something light and fluffy, and animated shows tend to appeal to me more than live action. And there aren’t many animated sitcoms on Netflix other than Futurama, American Dad!, and Family Guy, all of which I’ve watched already, and have far too many episodes for me to be able to just choose one and throw it on.

The other night, though, I found the perfect thing. Mike Tyson Mysteries. I was hoping for (but not expecting) a little more, but it ended up being just another stupid Adult Swim thing with 11-minute episodes. Fortunately, I ended up enjoying it far more than I probably should have.

mtmystery

Mike Tyson is obviously the star, along with a merry band of mystery-solving sidekicks: his adopted Korean daughter Yung Hee, the ghost of the Marquess of Queensberry, and a talking pigeon named Pigeon.

I don’t want to call a honeydew a cantaloupe here; Mike Tyson Mysteries is a stupid show. Mike is a good-hearted moron, which is fine, but sometimes goes a bit too far. Like, even more unbelievably stupid than the average dumb sitcom guy. Pigeon is generally just annoying, and he gets more “jokes” than anyone else. Yung Hee just blends into the background most of the time, and hasn’t gotten enough lines yet to be anything other than the straight man to Mike’s fool.

I don’t have anything bad to say about Marquess. He’s voiced by Jim Rash, and that’s more than enough to make him infallible in my eyes.

There’s good stuff too, though! The stories are generally quite insane, and Mike’s stupidity entertains me just as often as it makes me facepalm. In one episode, for instance, he thinks that he’s unwittingly become a serial killer of astronauts, and has to go to the moon to discover a major government secret. Another one has him searching for proof of magic to restore an old wizard’s faith. A good portion of the jokes are quite funny, and I found myself very surprised at how often I was laughing out loud.

So it’s like a lot of other Adult Swim shows, where you’ve got to take the good with the bad. For example, in the first episode, there’s a running gag where Mike can’t pronounce the word ‘chupacabra.’ I was thinking that it was a missed opportunity that he always just sort of mangled it, and never pronounced it ‘chimichonga.’ But then, one of the funniest lines of the episode ended up being Pigeon’s earnest “‘Chupacabra’ is a really hard word for him.” I laughed and laughed. On the other hand, Marquess makes a really off-colour joke at one point in the fifth episode, and while the show goes to lengths to acknowledge that it’s a really bad joke (Marquess is distraught over it for the rest of the episode, Mike and Yung Hee ignore him for days afterward), it still sort of soured the entire episode for me.

There are only five episodes on Netflix as of this writing, as the show began airing in October and they didn’t just dump the entire run on there all at once. I’m likely going to be keeping up with this one, as like I said before, I enjoyed it far more than I should have. So go boot up Netflix and set it to Mike Tyson Mysteries next time you’ve got some time to kill. You might just like it too.

Monthend Video Game Wrap-Up: November 2014

Another month down, another month saturated with Smash Bros. Two flavours of Smash Bros this time, even! And also some other things. Mostly Zelda. Why do I even own any non-Nintendo machines?

~ Now Playing ~

Super Smash Bros for Wii U (WiiU) – Thank you, Nintendo.

Pokémon Alpha Sapphire (3DS) – Having completed the Generation VII Pokédex in Pokémon Y, I decided to eschew my normal Pokémon tendencies and do a nuzlocke run. It was going really well until my Voltorb died and now I don’t know if I have the will to go on. Poor Vince, he was so young…

Hyrule Warriors (WiiU) – I’d be done this if it weren’t for the massive DLC packs that keep coming out. They add weeks and weeks to the game’s already-pretty-long lifespan. And I haven’t even finished the original Adventure Mode yet!

Wii Fit U (WiiU) – I really shouldn’t bother writing this in, but I’ve been using it a lot lately! Enough that I’ve even gotten passably good at that waiter game that I used to hate with a firey passion. Still, every time I turn it on, I get a sad from remembering that I lost my Fit Meter long ago.

Always Sometimes Monsters (PC) – I don’t even know where to start with this one. It’s a 2D RPG in a modern setting, where you’ve got to wrangle up a bunch of money to pay your rent. There’s more than that, but I feel like going into it would ruin it. It’s a bit slow, but it seems like a good way to spend a few Saturday mornings.

Alien: Isolation (360) – It’s too scary to type anything about it!

Super Mario Advance (GBA) – This was the only GBA game I owned for quite a while, so I played the ever-loving crap out of it. That also gave me great deal of nostalgia for it. I’d love for it to be HD-ified, because it’s my favourite version of Mario 2, but the colours look so faded and it doesn’t fit quite right in GBA resolution.

~ Game Over ~

Super Smash Bros for 3DS (3DS) – I’m not ceasing to play it, but I’ve cleared all the challenges, so I’m calling it beaten.

The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess (Wii) – Probably should have lumped this one and Majora under “Re-runs” because I burned through them both fairly quickly, but I think the “Game Over” category has a little more clout. Or something. I really like Twilight Princess. This is the fifth time I’ve beaten it. To 100% (less the Poes because F the Poes).

The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask (N64) – I always start writing this feature near the beginning of the month, and initially I’d written a blurb about how I’d like a 3DS remake of this game to happen. Guess what was announced literally that afternoon. Still played the N64 version because I had just dropped $10 on the Virtual Console version. You’re welcome.

Picross e5 (3DS) – Yup it’s another Picross game. And I played it.

Spirits (PC) – Kind of like Lemmings, but less cartoony and more artsy. Also your spirits can’t do nearly as many things as lemmings, and any action effectively kills them. I played through all the levels, but I just don’t care about it enough to bother with perfect clears. I wish that would stop being a thing.

Mighty Gunvolt (3DS) – A cute little 8-bit freebie they gave away with Azure Striker Gunvolt (which I still haven’t played). Four stages and a final boss of very base-level Mega Man-style action. Not totally fulfilling, but a good way to kill twenty minutes.

The Love Letter (PC) – An adorable browser game that I wrote about a week ago.

~ Re-Runs ~

Mega Man X2 (SNES) – I usually play through Mega Man X once or twice a year, but I only go through X2 every few years and almost never touch X3. It’s really too bad, because X2 is pretty good. I just don’t know the optimal way through the game, so it seems like I end up revisiting stages to collect power-ups more than I should have to.

Year of N64 – November – Majora’s Mask

It’s a little-known fact that The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask is my third-favourite Zelda game. Shocking, right? It’s a little divisive, but that’s only because of fools who can’t deal with the time limit. People who dive in headfirst and take the time to truly experience the game generally come out with a great appreciation for it and the living, breathing world that resides inside of it.

Majora’s Mask had it rough from the start; it was released on the same day as the Playstation 2. Whoops. Mega Man Legends 2 suffered from a very similar overshadowing, being released only two days prior. What a “fun” coincidence that two of the best sequels of that generation met with the same terrible fate.

Majora’s Mask wasn’t just a sequel though. It shared so much DNA with The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time that you might think it was the same game. However, Majora took things in a wild and disturbing new direction. Ocarina was a revolution for the series as far as visuals and gameplay went, bringing Zelda into 3D and all that. But it still stuck fairly close to the Zelda formula: go through eight(ish) dungeons and then fight Ganon. Get a Triforce, save the princess.

The thing that many whiny pimple-faced teenagers complained about the loudest is that Majora only has four proper dungeons. Only half of what was expected of it. Regular villain Ganon/dorf was nowhere to be seen, I don’t think he gets as much as a name drop. Even the titular princess Zelda only shows up in a brief flashback. The treasure in each dungeon is a different type of arrow. Things were amiss, and at the time, fans were not happy about it.

But there’s so much more to this game than popping in all the familiar elements, giving them a new coat of paint, and calling it a day. In fact, Majora’s Mask is the exact opposite. It re-uses Ocarina’s assets without shame, and keeps the vast majority of Ocarina’s tool set. The basic gameplay mechanics are the exact same. It’s all very familiar, but the way that all these thing are put together is like nothing before and nothing afterward.

As the story goes, out hero Link stumbles into the bizarre world of Termina, a place that seems familiar at first glace, but if distressingly alien upon closer inspection. Speaking of distress, there’s a gigantic, grinning moon in the sky, and it’s falling. In only three days, that moon will collide with the Earth, eradicating Termina and all of its inhabitants. It’s a tension-filled race against time.

Well, maybe not that tense. You see, you have the power to turn back time whenever you like, and start the three-day cycle anew. This throws a lot of people off. “How am I supposed to win in three days?” they ask, stupidly. You’re not. You’re supposed to accomplish a few little things on each cycle. You’re not expected to be doing something important for entire duration of all three of those days.

This repeating three-day cycle is the other huge point of contention among the haters. “But everything I did is undone when I reset time!” they complained, ignorantly. That’s kind of the whole point.

The overarching theme of Majora’s Mask is despair. It’s oppressive, violent, and bleak. As you play those three dire days over and over again, you’ll get to know the people of the land. You’ll see their excitement for the coming carnival slowly give way to despair for their coming doom. There are very few gaming experiences that are so chilling as running around Clock Town with only a few hours left to impact.

Take the postman for example. He jovially runs around town, picking up and delivering the mail every day. He is shackled to his rigid schedule, but he loves his work. He’s perfectly happy with his daily routine. Until the evening of the third day. If you enter the post office at that point, the postman will be writhing on the floor, unable to run for his life because of his duty to adhere to the schedule. On his bed is an opened letter, written to the postman by himself, urging him to flee even though it’s not on the schedule. But he can’t do it, can’t save his own life. His life is his work. What would he have left if he abandoned his post? It’s dark, it’s haunting, it’s beautiful.

Of course, you can help the postman. There is a way to convince him to run to safety. But then you start the cycle over, and it’s like you never did a thing. The new instance of the poor postman will probably spend his final hours in mental agony, wishing that he could run, but unable to. Because you won’t save him again. Why would you? You already have the Postman’s Hat for doing it once. Every future postman (until you complete the game) will die a horrible death.

That’s just how it is. Many of the people of Termina have problems. Some more dire or elaborate than others, and you’re literally only helping them for the prize. You’ll gain no satisfaction from giving them a hand, because when you turn back time, it’ll be like you never did anything at all. And you’re going to feel bad about it too, because these characters are very well-realized. while the NPCs in Ocarina were just sort of there, these are people with lives and schedules and personalities. You’ll get to know them well, watching them live out their last three days over and over again.

Yeah, it sounds really bleak and depressing. And it is! But think back, and try to imagine any other Zelda game that’s actually evoked an emotional response from you (aside from The Wind Waker). There probably aren’t any. Majora’s Mask is unique in that it’s a game world that makes you want to save it. You’ll feel beaten down and hopeless most of the time, but that just makes it that much more rewarding whenever you make those little bits of permanent progress.

When it first came out, I did feign disinterest in Majora’s Mask while in public, because that was the popular opinion amongst my peers, and high school is the very last place you want to stand out from the crowd. But secretly, I adored it. I was charmed by its offbeat world, I appreciated the three-day cycle, and I loved the grim atmosphere that permeated the entire game. There was a point in time where I would go home after school every day and play it until I fell asleep. Must have beaten it four or five times in a row. Even if it’s not the best video game, it’s absolutely a work of art. I can’t wait to experience the polished-up version on 3DS.

Comics that aren’t mine

I’ve been playing Pokémon Alpha Sapphire here and there between Zeldas and Smash Brothers, though this time I’m doing it a little differently. I’m playing Nuzlocke-style, which means that I can only capture the first monster I see in any given area, and that any of my pokémon that faint are considered dead and set free.

The challenge gives the game a little extra oomph, as it means you have a finite number of Pokémon to work with, and you don’t get to choose them. Good on this Nuzlocke fellow for coming up with an interesting way to keep the game fresh.

Also, he wrote and drew many comics about his own poke-adventures! They’re mostly about going through the poke-motions with the altered rules, but there are plenty of laugh-out-loud jokes in there. The art is pretty shabby to begin with, but it’s clearly because Nuzlocke is rushing these out the door and not putting much effort into them. They do start to look much better later on.

The only thing that I don’t like? The comic was abandoned only a few episodes into the White series. Things that end mid-story make me sad. But what can you do? Point of this post: Nuzlocke’s Pokémon: Hard-Mode comics were very much enjoyed by me, and they could be enjoyed by you too. Check ’em out.

There are other comics on his site there, but I haven’t read them yet. Investigate at your own risk.

RWFF #5 – The Purrrfect Toast

What even is up with this one? The characters are all weird-looking, and it’s a much dirtier joke than I’d usually care to run. Almost like it’s someone else’s doing…

Nope. It was me. I did it. I just kinda went with the flow on the drawings. I don’t know if I want to make Ryan’s hairstyle closer to reality, or to stick with his iconic “Sonic the Hedgehog” spikes. Stephanie… well, I don’t think I ever really settled on a solid look for her. Here, she looks nothing at all like Real Stephanie. But neither does Ryan, so I guess it’s moot.

My resolution for 2015 is to draw at least one comic a month, which really is not a lofty goal to reach. I’d like to go back to drawing one a week, but I really don’t have anywhere near enough ideas for that kind of output. If only I had a writer…

Some Amorous Mail

Nintendo is releasing Super Smash Bros for Wii U, Pokémon Omega Ruby and Pokémon Alpha Sapphire, and their Amiibo figures today. It’s like one big love letter to Nintendo fans. So for today, I prepared a little post about a browser game called The Love Letter.

It’s a simple game. You probably assumed as much when you saw the word” browser” up there. I know I’d have written it off right then and there. But I first read about the game in an article on authenticity in video games, so I had a much more thoughtful introduction to it than some idiot blogger talking about how cute it is.

loveletter

And it is cute! That’s basically its entire appeal. The Love Letter will take you no more than five minutes (assuming that you win), and it doesn’t have an especially elaborate story. The premise is that you are a young man in junior high or so, and you discover a love letter in your locker. You’re then tasked with reading the letter in the five minutes before second period. So where’s the game?

Like actual junior high, the other students are all nosy jerkoffs, and you have to read this letter in secret. Students meander about the hallways of the school aimlessly, unless they spot you, in which case they will beeline towards you. You are a bit faster than then, but they’re fairly relentless in their pursuit. Your only chance is to try to shake them around a corner, and then find a vacant nook where you might be able to skim a sentence or two before some wayward classmates wander over. There’s much more tension than the cute graphics would suggest.

If another student catches you reading it, they’ll snatch it away and make fun of you. It’s a much more relatable losing state than those in many other games. Well, at least I imagine that it is. To date, I’ve still never received a letter from a secret admirer. I guess the time for that kind of thing has long passed, but it still bums me out a little. I know that I was a big goof throughout all of school, but you’d imagine that somebody would have found me more charming than stupid.

But enough about my silly hang-ups. The Love Letter is a perfectly fun little distraction. It’s not so deep that it should be any sort of conversation piece, but it’s a little nostalgic and maybe says something about childhood? I feel like I should have some sort of insightful thing to say here, but I can’t really find the words. Something about how things this seem silly to adults are very serious and important to kids? I don’t know. Take some time to think about it and come up with your own conclusion.

RWFF #4 – Ryan on TV (#1?)

I haven’t drawn very many comics since Coozy For Hire died, but I’m going to have to say that this is by far my favourite. Just the fun, goofy look of it is enough to put a big smile on my face. Also, I find it hilarious when I make my alter-ego look/act like a big doofus, so this is like the crème de la crème.

I would like to do more “Ryan On TV” comics, but I really don’t have any other solid ideas quite yet.

Note that this is the first RWFF that isn’t based on actual events. Though it is based on a one-liner that I like to trot out whenever I’m given the chance. Which is rare, since it’s not often that you get asked what you want to be when you grow up if you’re already a grown-up.

Also I posted this on Facebook ages ago, so it should be old news if you follow me on there.

Attack of the Garbage Bag Men! I mean Giant Leeches!

I was reading some of X-Entertainment’s old movie reviews the other day, which were, if you weren’t already aware, the inspiration for this blog. You really can’t find writing like that any more. Even DinoDrac doesn’t have that same tone. But that’s what time does. The internet is a much different place than in was in 2002. Thoughtfully-written websites and blogs are gone in favour of mindless Tweets and Facebook statuses. Luckily, things tend to stick around forever on here.

Reading those old reviews sparked my will to write, and my initial inspiration was to write a big long blog post about why I don’t watch movies any more. But that very quickly became a huge mess of partial thoughts and poorly-described neuroses. So I burned it down and tried to create a shorter, point-form version of it. That ended up in pretty much the same boat, so I axed it as well.

Then I had a flash of brilliance: Why not actually just watch a movie and then review it?

The problem was where to start. The frightening truth is that I haven’t watched about a quarter of the movies I own. There was a lot to choose from. But it had to be something reviewable. And by that, I mean corny and easy to make fun of. I figured that I’d already set a precedent, so I might as well try something else from the Roger Corman box set.

And that’s why you’re going to read about Attack of the Giant Leeches today.

Continue reading Attack of the Garbage Bag Men! I mean Giant Leeches!

No-blogging-vember

Absolutely nothing interesting has happened in my life over the last few weeks. It’s been the absolute steadiest stream of “the usual” that I’ve ever experienced. The first couple weeks of November are also apparently the new Birthday Season, but there isn’t a lot to be said about low-key family parties and nights spent at Pizza Hut with the in-laws.

Now don’t get me wrong. I like it this way. The less excitement there is, and the more time I have to just lay around and devote myself to my hobbies, the better. A boring life suits me perfectly, but it doesn’t make for good blogging.

Oh, but I did make this papercraft Shovel Knight! That’s pretty cool!

pc_shovel

Note to the curious: papercraft is not a hobby intended for the chubby-fingered. Or the impatient. I won’t lie, Paper Knight took a little over two hours to make. Probably would have been easier if I’d used small craft-sized scissors. Oh well! He ain’t perfect, but I still love him. He brightens up my desk more than all of my other childish baubles combined.