‘Till the day I die

Well, I have both victories and losses under my belt today, and neither is overly surprising, but I figure I might as well share. And before I start, it was Magma Man, not Volcano Man. Oops.

As I was mentioning in the last post, Mega Man 9 is friggin’ hard. The day after I made my little blog post there, I went back to the game with a stronger resolve and a good feeling. It got me pretty far, through five more bosses in fact, but Tornado Man and Hornet Man had still eluded my iron grip. But yester day I went back and made my play for total dominance. Tornado Man’s level was a bitch, and that’s all that was holding me back from the green-plated robot master. After dying over and over at his stupid revolving lifts (see video below), I decided I’d just cheese my way through with the Rush Jet. It worked wonders, but things only got worse from there on. Somehow I was able to scrape through to the end on my last life, and I slaughtered Tornado Man with little trouble. Hornet Man was much less offensive, as his level wasn’t too bad, but there’s a mini boss that will take you the fuck out many many times before you’re able to stomp it into robo-dust. But this time, I had the Tornado Blow on my side, and it wrecked him pretty bad. Hornet Man never saw it coming after that.

Of course, I got my ass handed to me on the first Wily level, and I felt that that was enough beatings for one day. But then I went and shelled out the necessary Wii Points for the extra DLC, and I’m pretty happy with what I got. The Challenge mode is pretty cool, and I think it’ll quickly evolve into an obsession. ProtoMan more is the star that really shines though. Not only can Blues slide, charge his buster, and block shots, but the Proto Whistle plays at the beginning of each level! It’s amazing! Really, it’s not a lot easier than Mega’s game, but it is the first real Mega Man game that allows you to play as ProtoMan (for $2).

And now for something completely different: would you be surprised if I told you I didn’t own Rock Band 2? Probably pretty shocked, right? But actually it’s a lie. I went out to Wal-Mart to buy candy last night, and meandered casually into the electronics department, and guess what was sitting there, ready to break my will into tiny little bits. Yeah, I think the only reason I hadn’t picked it up is because I hadn’t seen a copy available to be purchsed until then, not because I had a strong sense of not needing it. But I broke, and it’s great. The best part? That you can make standby band memers and assign them to empty spots on your roster so you don’t have the totally lame stock characters messing up your band’s image. Also, paying $60 for 100 tracks is a sweet deal after shelling out $1-$2 each for single tracks over the last 9 months.

So far beyond the sun

A couple weeks ago, Activision or Microsoft or whoever does the Xbox Marketplace stuff released a trio of new Dragonforce tunes for Guitar Hero 3, and I promptly downloaded thems. I was completely destroyed by them even more promtly. Promptlyer. Promptlier. C:\ prompt. Anyway, one of the tunes, called “Heroes of Our Time” was from their newest CD. I assumed it was a “Saints of Los Angeles” kind of thing where they were promoting the new album before its release. Nope. Turns out it was already out. Also, I bought it.

So it’s not so much that I don’t like Ultra Beatdown, it’s not that at all. I love Dragonforce. I love the balls-to-the-wall speed metal. It’s great. I just have one complaint: the lyrics. I know for something like this you can’t expect particularly deep or meaningful lyrics, but Dragonforce has taken it past the pop level of shitty lyrics. I was reading along in the cover booklet, and that’s pretty much exactly when I realized that not one song on this album has lyrics that make any sense.

I’m not sure if it’s an epidemic that plagues all of Dragonforce’s work, but if you take a look at the words to any of the songs on Ultra Beatdown, you’ll notice that they seem very chopped up and sporadic. It’s not uncommon for a line to have absolutely nothing to do with the one that comes after it, and sometimes it seems like a single line is made of two that were chopped in half and then had one piece from each put together. I have no idea how any of the songs could even possibly be pretending to be following the same general theme, nevermind the same train of thought. It’s like whoever wrote them just put words on a page and then changed a few so that it rhymed and followed something of a rhythm pattern.

It’s not really a huge put-off, but I do have a soft spot for thoughtful and/or intelligent songwriting. Ultra Beatdown is great if you’re going to be driving fast or for using as background music while playing a video game or something, but it’s definitely not meant to just be listened to and absorbed. But then again, Dragonforce was never that kind of band to begin with, so really, I guess I’m a little surprised that I expeced more from them in that way.

More, more, more

Today was the “grand re-opening” of my store. Though for the record, we never closed down aside from regular non-work hours. That tidbit aside, it was nucking futs in there for the first couple hours. Amounts of people like I’ve only seen at amusement parks and sporting events. The day had left me completely wrung out; my legs wasted from being on them and running back and forth all day, my arms and back sore from lifting more than usual, and my head a mess from dealing with inexplicably inept customers. It was a long day, and I’m glad it’s over, I just wish I had tomorrow off to recover.

Also, damn my lust for consumer electronics that are impossible to find due to high demand and low production numbers!

I suppose picking up Wii Fit and “playing” it for over an hour was a bad activity choice after a day like today then. To be honest, I wasn’t really planning on buying it in the first place. My fitness is not something I’m overly worried about, and I don’t need a video game to tell me I have almost inhumanly poor balance. But it’s just so popular! Everyone’s always fighting for them, and the fact that I was able to secure one against all odds (it was actually rather easy, there still five left by noon, when the tickets handed out before the store opened became invalid) made the victory all the much sweeter. I guess it’s kind of neat to have – crippling pain aside – but really it’s just an expensive way for me to feel like I’m part of some elite group. After all, based on the lines that form outside the store on days when we’ve advertised that we have Wii Fit in stock, it would seem that there are a lot more people who want the non-game than those who own it.

Shakes all over

It’s been out since Monday, but only yesterday did I finally put aside some time to download and play Megaman 9. Actually, it wasn’t so much that I put aside the time, but rather I let my girlfriend try out Wii Fit and once she was worn out I decided to take the opporunity to not only start to show her what digital distribution was all about, but also try to get her into my favourite video game series.

Turns out it was kind of a bad idea. I had no idea just how hard it was going to be, and all the woman got to see of my supposed “mad platforming skillz” was me being murdered over and over before I could even reach a checkpoint. Seriously. It’s fucking brutal. But the nice thing is that it’s all in good taste, by which I mean once you know it’s coming you can learn to avoid it. There’s no randomization to anything, and should you posess the proper skills, you’ll be able to learn and master each level in no time. I, on the other hand, can’t play it for shit. Nope.

After many feeble attempts and even more gruesome deaths (however that math adds up), I was finally able to overcome Galaxy Man or whatever the UFO-shaped one that dances around like a fruitcake is called. Outside of that, I made it to the fire-based boss (Volcano Man I think?) and got toasted, and haven’t seen any of the other bossed yet. On the upside, Dancing-UFO-Weirdo Man gives up a totally sweet weapon called the Black Hole Bomb. It’s a slow moving ball that turns into a black hole when you trigger it and sucks in anything that gets too close. It didn’t do shit to Volcano Man, so it was kind of a bust in that regard, but really fun to play with otherwise.

So yeah, Megaman 9 rules and I can’t believe it took me two whole days to get it. In my defense, if I’d had the Wii points available on my console it would have happened as soon as I got home from work, but I had to go all the way to Best Buy to find some. The moral of the story is that that I needs me a credit card, I guess.

As for what my girlfriend thought of it? She fell asleep. 🙁

Your face is a mess

So Kellogg’s or whoever it is that makes Fruit Loops has got a neat promotion going on right now. In boxes of certain cereals, they’re giving away little electronic Guitar Hero games. Sounds good, right? Well, my mom thought I would go nuts for the little guys, so she’s started buying lots of Fruit Loops so that I can collect them all. Only I was never overly intrigued by them in the first place.

And now that I actually have a couple of them, I’m no longer apathetic to their existence. Nope. More of a “slightly annoyed” feeling, really.

See, these little things are a neat idea, and for a cereal box freebie they’re not bad, but they mostly just bastardize the Guitar Hero name (not that Activision hasn’t been toeing that line for a while now). The black one is your standard cheap-ass LCD game. It gets the GH formula down pretty well, with notes scrolling down and whatnot. You have to hold the correct button and hit the strum bar when the note hits the target area. Pretty decent, no? No! There’s no sound! I didn’t expect music or anything, but there aren’t even the standard blips and bloops that come with these little games. It ruins the entire point.

Our red friend is perhaps the exact opposite. There is no game to speak of, which sort of gives it the spirit of real guitar playing over toy guitar playing, but it isn’t at all interesting after about 20 seconds. Each fret button plays a different repeating riff that plays for a couple seconds, and the whammy bar plays what I’ll refer to as “effect notes”. Basically a note or small phrase that’s been tweaked a bit. The idea, according to the back of the box, is to radically modify your notes for a killer sound or something to that effect. Nope. There’ll be none of that here. Pressing a fret button and then the whammy bar does not change modify the riff, but rather it just plays an effect note over top of the riff. Whoo.

There are two other toys in the set as well. One is an amp that plays a lead, rhythm and bass riff, and you can turn them on and off to make whatever combination your heart desires. But it’ll always just play the same three-second melody over and over. There’s also a “star power meter” thingy that provides another falling object game akin to that of the black guitar. Really, these are just a waste of plastic and whatever small bits of electronics they need to work, but because of them, my mother has temporarily lifted her Fruit Loops ban, and I can’t totally hate on anything that provides me with a means to a Fruit Loop. It’s just lucky that ol’ mom hasn’t noticed that these come in a wide variety of cereal boxes.

I see my Marianne walking away

So I just got back from Alberta this afternoon. Canmore, Alberta to be specific. I’ve never been any farther out of Manitoba than Kenora, Ontario, so it was one Hell of a road trip. Just the 16-hour drive would have been enough for me, but the added joy of the woman’s siblings fighting in the back seat all the way there and back made it the Most Wonderful Journey Ever™!

Okay, well that’s actually Banff, but you get the point. Mountains! Mountains are entirely new to me, having lived in and visited prairies exclusively. Kenora has a few foothills, but nothing jutting up into the sky all majestic-like. I suppose I’m not as completely in awe of them as my travel companions were, but they’re nice to see no less. I also got my first tastes of whitewater rafting and horseback riding, and they were mostly pleasant experiences (bad weather and leg cramps, respectively, made the activites less than perfect). So it was an awesome journey overall, even with the small hiccups. I think just being able to spend 6 days straight with my girlfriend was more than enough to leave me satisfied.

Winter is here

Way back in about fifth grade or so, Old Dutch released a flavour of potato chips that became just less than an obsession for the city of Winnipeg. The phenomenon may have reached farther, I don’t know, but I do know for sure that everyone I knew at the time absolutely loved these chips, and when the Mexican Chili flavour disappeared into the vast blackness of time, the world lost a little bit of its sheen. I mourned the loss just as much as the next man, and over time, they would come up in conversations about beloved things of days gone by. There’s even a Facebook group dedicated to having Old Dutch revive the flavour. But…

What is this I found?

Somewhere in the wilderness between Winnipeg and Kenora, there is a Shell station. In that particular establishment, I spent a little time browsing the snacks while my girlfriend used the litte girls’ room. It was there that I spotted this supposed long lost variety of potato chip. I snapped up two bags right away, and then we headed back onto the road.

So what’s going on then? I’m not entirely sure. Did the Mexican Chili chips really disappear, or have we all just been shopping at the wrong places? There’s a possibility that they just aren’t distributed in Winnipeg anymore, but that would be completely ridiculous, because Old Dutch’s Canadian headquarters and maufacturing plant is in Winnipeg. Or maybe, and most likely, Old Dutch has heard the call and has put Mexican Chili chips back on their roster. Will we ever know? Well, I could if I were to take a short trip down to the plant, but I really don’t care that much.

The simple fact of the matter is that they’re exactly as I remember them. Delicious and spicy as hell. Though, maybe it’s just because I never eat Rip-L chips, but they seemed uncharacteristically tough and painful to eat. I doubt they were stale, as the bag’s best before date says September, so maybe that’s how they’re suppose to be? It’s probably just that my mouth was softened up because I had eaten Cap’n Crunch for breakfast.

In other, comepletely unrelated news, I went over that last article I wrote and did a few revisions; added a little content for things I’ve experienced more now, and made a couple corrections. But not all possible corrections. Why not? It’s a long story and I’ve already filled up enough of this post with chip talk. So yeah, maybe head back there and check out the two or so new paragraphs I added.

Heaven is a girl that makes dreams come true

Oh, look! A blog update. How quaint.

But what is this that comes along with it? An “ar-tee-cool”? I have never heard of such a thing! Well, perhaps I’ll check it out anyway. It’s probably not a horrible cop-out just so the author can pretend he’s written something of value this year. And I’ll bet it’s completely spellchecked too. Nobody would just leave a fine piece of writing with all sorts of typos and grammatical errors, right? Right. It’ll be great. I’m sure of it.

Mass Review Time – Fargo ’08

 

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It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these mass review articles (usually they’re just blogged). More importantly, it’s been a while since I’ve done an article at all. Much to my own dismay, a cheap mass review is not way to worm my way back into the game, but it’s all I’ve really got the gumption to work on at the moment. It’s not that I don’t want to write articles anymore, it’s just that there are so many other things I want to do more. And even more things I need to be doing.

But I digress. Blabbing about why I’m no longer writing full-length pieces is not today’s topic! But rather I’m here to discuss money well spent? I decided to end that sentence with a question mark because at this point I still can’t gauge the actual quality of most of the products below. I just bought most of them through good word-of-mouth and personal tastes. In fact, I’m pretty sure that at least a couple would be considered complete garbage by the general population, but we’ll see!

So the bonus theme here is that I picked up all this stuff when my girlfriend and I went away to Fargo(, North Dakota) for the weekend. I did a little photo gallery with commentary of last year’s trip south of the border (see sidebar), so maybe you’ll prefer that one if you’re looking for an article with a little more meat on its bones. Also, certainty. This here article, as of this writing, is pretty much all assumptions. It’s built on the hopes and dreams of millions! …Or maybe just me.

• Item #1

Tesla – Five Man Acoustical Jam

Okay, I know said it was all assumptions from here on in, but I’m starting with something I know is awesome: Tesla. I’ve been listening to Tesla for many, many years now, and sadly, I’ve only ever been able to find one of their CDs in any local stores. Thus, I often take it upon myself to scour the multimedia-type shops south of the border for anything I can find by them. This time I got real lucky, finding the two Tesla discs I was really gunning for. Five Man Acoustical Jam is obviously enough, a recording of a live acoustic show. It’s one of very few Tesla albums that I haven’t downloaded, so jackpot!

In other news, it’s completely awesome. Tesla is a great band, and they made their name through their acoustic prowess, so the only logical conclusion is that this album must rule. And rule it does. Don’t know what else there is to say other than I love it. Score: A

• Item #2

Tesla – The Great Radio Controversy

I know it seems silly that I only bought two Tesla CDs while I was down there, and now that I really think about it, I probably am really silly for it. I mean, I probably could have completed the full discography, but I stopped looking after I picked up these two.

Unlike its lovably live cousin above, The Great Radio Controversy is a studio album, but that means little. The Tesla-loving community largely believes this to be their finest work, and I’m not one to argue. It’s everything that makes Tesla great (minus the “awesome live performers” bit), and while it may not rock quite as hard as Psychotic Supper, it rocks just as well or better. Two thumbs up. Score: A

• Item #3

Mega Man Star Force 2

Yeah, I know you’re groaning right now and about to skip this paragraph, but that’s quite alright. You put up with more than enough of my Mega Man nonsense that you deserve a break from it if you can find one here or there. So go ahead and move on to the next item if you’ve gotten sick of hearing me rave about Mega Man.

For those that care, Star Force is the dual-screened big brother to the MegaMan Battle Network games. It seems like it’ll be following the same “new chapter every summer” release schedule that Battle Network had. I played the first one almost to completion last summer (I didn’t beat the final optional boss), and I was surprised to see this one in stores because honestly, I had no idea it was out. so I picked it up, and I’ve got to say, it’s most certainly not as big a step up from the first as Battle Network 2 was to its predecessor. I mean, I’m enjoying the game, but it hasn’t offered anything that improves on the first game. Well, not enough to make it feel exciting and new anyway. Score: C+

• Item #4

Etrian Odyssey 2: Heroes of Lagaard

As soon as I’d finally stopped flip-flopping on whether I wanted the first Etrian Odyssey or not, it had long since become impossible to find at retail. I was afraid EO2 would see a similar fate (despite being a new release), but after searching each and every store that sells video games in Fargo, I gave up and checked GameStop. As much as I generally loathe the GameStop/EB chain, it has to be said that they do actually carry Atlus games, and as a fan of Atlus’ niche titles, that scores some decent points in my book.

Anyway, I haven’t actually had a chance to plug it in and start playing yet (probably because I’m awasting all sorts of time writing about shit I buy), but I’ve read more than enough on the subject to be more or less familiar with what I’m getting into. The Youngest One bought it too (before I had a chance to advise him otherwise), probably because he thought “Ooh, an RPG. I should buy it”, and promptly got his ass whupped and put it right down. I doubt he’ll be spending too much time on this one, but someday when I’m in the middle of fewer games, I’ll crack this one open and spend a little quality time with it.

Edit : Decided I’d just forego finishing some other games so I could sink my teeth into this one. I’m not regretting it. Etrian Odyssey II is even better than I’d imagined. This is a real horror game, because you’re always on the edge of your seat, wondering if you’ll be able to survive the next fight. Also, even the slightest progress feels like you’ve made a huge accomplishment, so yeah. props to that. Love it. Score: A

• Item #5

Day of the Dead

No, it’s not Romero’s classic with a new cover. It’s one of those horrid “re-imaginings”, or so I assume. At least on the back cover it said it’s inspired by Romero’s Day of the Dead, so we can hope it at least pays a little homage to the original. In any case, it’s a zombie movie, so it most definitely belongs in my collection.

I should let you know that I fully expect this to be completely awful. That’s how these movies are. The characters are stupid and unlikable, the plot makes little to no sense and there’s buckets and buckets of gore. Yeah it sounds like a disaster, but that’s exactly what I’m looking for. I enjoy a good zombie movie, but I love a zombie movie that makes you want to root for the zombies. It’s brainless (in a manner of speaking) fun, and that’s really what I want in movies. So despite the fact that it’s defacing a classic, I have high-ish hopes for this one.

Edit : Yeah. So I watched it, and it’s not so great. It has almost nothing in common with the original, though if you concentrate real hard you can find a couple loose parallels between the two. But yeah, it’s not even a fun gore-fest. Just low-grade zombie schlock. When Nick Cannon is the best part of a movie, you know that you’ve got a bit of a train wreck on your hands. I’m a little let down by this one, honestly. Score: D+

• Item #6

The Dead Pit

As I was perusing the horror section at Fargo’s Best Buy (why doesn’t our Best Buy sort movies by genre? It’s so much easier…), and I saw that Day of the Dead remake thing, and then right beside it, The Dead Pit caught my eye. The cover didn’t really get the idea of zombies across to me, but reading the synopsis on the back confirmed my suspicions: zombies!

Much to my delight, this is one of those 80’s zombie flicks that pretends to have a cohesive plot. By that of course, I mean it’s more than “OMG zombiez. Let’s try to survive!” Something about a mad scientist attacking a mental ward with a horde of zombies? I dunno and I’m too lazy to go check the case, but it sounded like a riot at the time. I honestly think this could be as unpredictably lovable as Hellraiser. Score: B (pending)

• Item #7

Chucky: The Killer DVD Collection

I’ll level with ya, I’ve only ever seen the first Child’s Play movie, and even then, I was still a little squeamish at the time and covered my eyes a lot. I did like the movie though, and I’ve always wanted to at least see the first two sequels. Bride of Chucky isn’t exactly a priority, and Seed of Chucky seems like they’re just taking it too far. Alas.

I’ve been putting off buying this collection for a while now because I knew that not having the first one would drive me bonkers (OCD, you see), but it actually hasn’t been grating on my nerves too much. It’s not like the movie isn’t on DVD or anything either, I just can’t find the damn thing anywhere. Oh well. I’m sure some day I’ll be in the right place at the right time, and it will be mine. Or I’ll have forgotten my wallet and smack myself in the forehead. Score: B+ (pending)

• Item #8

Bruce and Lloyd: Out of Control

I’ll say this now, because it’s the most important note here: I was promised a lot more Patrick Warburton than I got from this purchase, and it makes me ever so slightly disappointed. Other than that, good times!

If you haven’t seen Get Smart yet, you’re really missing out on something. I loved it so much, I ran out an bought this straight-to-DVD supplemental material without even reading a review first. Fortunately, it’s not nearly as awful as most straight-to-DVD stuff, but it’s still nowhere near as great as the main movie. Then again, I never expected it to be. I’m just confused as to why exactly Steve Carell couldn’t make at least a cameo. Anne Hathaway shows up in one scene, so why do we get no Steve Carell? Ah well. If Get Smart was at the “hilarious” level, I’d probably only rate this one as “silly” at best, but it’s still worth a look if you liked the source material. Score: B

Also, I should mention that I bought some other stuff, like shorts and foodstuffs, but I decided to cut them out because clothes are boring (do not tell my girlfriend I said that, she bought clothes almost exclusively) and junk food isn’t something that really needs to be logged into the annals of internet history. At least, not any of the food I bought. It was all pretty much run-of-the-mill junk food that a) isn’t available in Canada or b) is ridiculously expensive in Canada. So yeah. That’s the end then. Good night.