The Banana Splits Movie

I don’t know about you, but I’d never heard of The Banana Splits until recently. I guess maybe, for once, I’m too young.

For the uninitiated, it was a live-action variety show produced by Hanna-Barbera in the late 1960’s that starred four large, costumed animal characters. It lasted two seasons but stayed in syndication until the 80s. Last year, somebody turned it into a horror-comedy movie. This movie (and the franchise in general) was only brought to my attention about two months ago, when I watched a YouTube video comparing it to Willy’s Wonderland and how the latter looked like it would avoid a lot of the problems that The Banana Splits Movie suffered from.

Thank goodness I watched that video, though, because my soul would be so much emptier without having ever seen The Banana Splits Movie.

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Bad Movie Nights

I may have over-done it during the ‘Ween and ‘Mas seasons, as for all of January and half of February, I did not watch a single film. I watched a couple speedruns that were longer than films, but that’s totally different.

However, a couple of movies recently came out that I’ve been really excited for, so I’m sort of getting back into the world of movies. Also, I was pretty sure that both of them would be terrible before watching them, but one is based on a video game franchise that I adore, and one of them is a plot strangely reminiscent of a video game franchise that I adore. Were they actually bad? Let’s find out!

~ Willy’s Wonderland ~

I had no idea that Willy’s Wonderland existed until I saw a Tweet with the trailer roughly a month before release. I don’t remember why I even watched the trailer, but once I realized what I was seeing, I knew then and there that I needed to watch this movie.

See, a Five Nights at Freddy’s movie has been “in the works” for years now, and keeps getting delayed and scrapped and restarted for various reasons, and I’m at the point where I don’t actually believe that it’s real or will ever happen. But I still desperately want to see a FNAF movie, no matter how terrible it might be, so I was elated that someone else decided to step up and make their own legally distinct film about possessed animatronics. And to have it starring Nicolas Cage is just gravy.

There are two important takeaways here: Willy’s Wonderland isn’t a good movie. It’s clearly a tongue-in-cheek, low-budget cheese-fest, but that doesn’t necessarily excuse it for being kind of bad. Knowing you’re making a bad movie doesn’t absolve your movie of it’s badness. That said, I think it’s still an entertaining movie. At least, I had a lot of fun watching it. Though I can’t confidently say how much of that was genuine, and how much was due to my desperation for a FNAF movie.

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Monthend Video Game Wrap-Up: January 2021

NEW YEAR, NEW YOU!

Except not. Still addicted to video games. I don’t expect that to change.

~ Game Over ~

Mega Man X (SNES) – It’s become tradition for me to play this on the morning of New Year’s Day. Still trying to clear it in under an hour. Still always choke on at least one of the final bosses. This time I got killed by Sigma and then also Wolf Sigma. Choked twice! I’m getting rusty!

Picross S4 (Switch) – I solved every damn puzzle. Sometimes twice because the Mega puzzles are still hard-mode repeats of the standard puzzles.

Runner 3 (Switch) – Incredible music, weird and wild art direction, and abusively hard gameplay. Even with the difficulty options at the absolute minimum, I was not able to clear every stage. In my defense, the ones I couldn’t beat are labelled “Impossible.” Enjoyed it for the most part, but some of the stage mechanics are just mean-spirited.

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Wherein 2021 is Productive

At least, in the sense that I have been creating a lot of product in 2021. It’s only halfway through January and I have already scheduled two videos to go live each week on the TE YouTube channel until the end of February. That probably amounts to more videos than I posted through the entirety of 2020. Not that I’m going to bother counting.

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TE’s Top Games of 2020

2020, as I’m sure you’ve heard many times, was a heck of a strange year. And to cap it off, I’ve got a heck of a strange Top 10 Video Games list for you.

Longtime readers might know that I don’t always play by the same rules for this annual listicle. The rule for candidacy this time around is simple: It must be a game that I played for the first time in 2020. That is it. That is the one and only criteria that I’m using to decide which titles are eligible. I’ve also decided to do away with the “must have beaten it” rule, because it seems unnecessary.

My selection process was this: I made a big spreadsheet of every game I played in 2020 (total of 118), removed any that didn’t meet my specification (47), and then narrowed it down to 28 frontrunners. From there, I simply looked at the list and picked the ones that I had the most positive emotional reactions to while reading their titles. By some wonderful coincidence, that left me with a clean list of 10 games. Neat!

And here are my selections, presented in the order that I played them:

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Monthend Video Game Wrap-Up: December 2020

~ Game Over ~

Paratopic (Switch) – I honestly have no idea what happened here. It’s roughly an hour of what I imagine a really low-key drug trip must be like. That said… I liked it. I played it a second time to see if there were different story paths, and you can diverge a bit to find some neat stuff, but it’s a really slow game, which made the replay very tedious.

Spec Ops: The Line (PC) – Pew-pew shootmans game wherein I recorded my playthrough. You can watch it here. (tldw: Game is v good, my recording framerate was v bad.)

Hyrule Warriors: Age of Calamity (Switch) – I think that this is an overall better game than the original Hyrule Warriors, though it just didn’t quite click with me in the same way. I liked it, I really did, but mostly it just made me want to play Breath of the Wild again.

A Knight’s Quest (Switch) – An adventure that was clearly inspired by Zelda, but also had a little Mario thrown in for flavour. Buggy as all heck, but still playable and mostly fun. Combat made a hard transition from mindless button mashing to intensely frustrating near the end, and between that and one atrocious boss fight, I just about gave up on the game. The soundtrack is way better than it has any right to be.

The Final Fantasy Legend (GB) – Retro RPG where nothing works the way you expect it to. It’s that way by design, though, because this is a spiritual successor to FF2 and the first game in the SaGa series, known mostly for its obtuse mechanics and punishing difficulty. Still fun, once you figure out how all the systems work. Little bit too grindy, though.

~ Progress Notes ~

DOOM Eternal (PS4) – On stage 6.

Fitness Boxing 2 (Switch) – Achievement collection at 26%.

Witch Hunt (PC) – Defeated the second “boss”.

Picross S4 (Switch) – Mostly done with the regular puzzles.

Robo Recall: Unplugged (Oculus) – Half-done Chapter 2.

SINoALICE (iOS) – Mostly grinding the Xmas event.

24 Days of Quarantine Fun – Day 19: Gremlins

Here, we have another classic Christmas-adjacent film. The really great part is that given the horror theme and Christmas setting, it’s completely appropriate to watch during either the Halloween or Holiday seasons.

Also, it’s friggin’ Gremlins, so it’s appropriate to watch during any season.

If you haven’t seen it, this is the classic feel-good holiday tale of a boy that receives a pet for Christmas. Only, this pet is a strange creature called a mogwai, which will inexplicably spawn more mogwai if it comes in contact with water. And also they will transform into monsters if fed after midnight. Of course, both of those things happen and the monsters go on a spree of mayhem and murder around the town.

Listen, I know that the mogwai rules don’t make any goddamn sense. How does a creature keep clean without getting wet? If it drinks something, are its insides exempt from the wet rule? And how does it know if it’s being fed after midnight? What about time zones? What about daylight savings time? At what time in the morning does the transformation rule no longer apply?

Please, don’t think about it so hard. Gremlins is such a fun, silly movie, that you’re really missing the point if you try to apply logic to it. That said, it also has a surprisingly dark side, what with all the murdering and such. Most of the time the tone is fairly well-balanced, with the gremlins being a mix of evil and goofy, which takes the edge of and makes it sliiiiiiightly more family-friendly. There’s one particular scene, though, where a character’s backstory is revealed, and it’s just straight-up horrifying.

Here’s a fun little trivia tidbit that I’ve pulled from the Wikipedia page: originally, the plan was to dress up moneys to play the gremlins. The plan fell through because the test monkey freaked out when the cast strapped the gremlin head to it. Fun! I think it worked out for the best, but I may be biased because I’m a big fan of puppets.

Monthend Video Game Wrap-Up: November 2020

~ Game Over ~

The Void (PC) – Artsy horror-ish game that I may have liked if not for three factors: 1. Gesture-based commands that don’t work very well. 2. Overcomplicated gameplay systems that make no sense. 3. Your character moves slower than molasses – at running speed. Into the bin with ye!

Stories Untold (Switch) – A text-based adventure game anthology that takes place over four separate mini-episodes. Each one introduces some new gameplay element and a new scenario. While the gameplay can be a little tedious, the stories are great and go off in wildly unexpected directions. I bought this on sale for $7 and I kind of want to give the developer the difference because it was fantastic. Likely to be on my 2020 GOTY list.

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Eyes on You

As is my MO, I bought a cheapo little horror video game for Switch recently. It’s called Eyes: The Horror Game. If that title isn’t enough to make you cock an eyebrow in suspicion, nothing is. In actuality though, Eyes: The Horror Game is generally pretty fun! It’s a mobile port, so… you know. Super short and simple, but I can’t really leverage any major complaints.

As a survival horror game, your objective in Eyes is to run around a spooky environment whilst searching for and collecting bags of sweet, sweet cash. Oh and also there are monsters roaming around who are none too shy about murdering you. There are three stages, each with its own unique monster and mechanics. That’s not really much to burn through, but there are some extra modes and other incentives to keep playing.

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Fazbear Frights

Lately, I haven’t been able to spend more than about thirty seconds at a time thinking about anything that is not somehow related to Five Nights at Freddy’s. I’ll admit it: I’m obsessed. It waxes and wanes, but I’m being hit really hard right now. And it’s all because of Five Nights at Freddy’s VR.

I really wanted to write something about the game other than how I’m a big baby and have a really hard time playing it, and in typical Ryan fashion, the easy out seemed to be a list that ranked each mini-game by how scary it is. So I made up a spreadsheet and started sorting them out and… Well, the game actually did a great job of already having them in a pretty good order. There really wasn’t much for me to add.

So instead, I’m just going to point out something that I found notable: The mini-games in FNAF VR that are directly based on the previous games in the series are by far the most frightening of the bunch. The mini-games that are more “inspired by” previous titles spooked me pretty good too, but when I look at the list of mini-games that I’ve been able to complete, there’s a pretty clear trend. The Dark Rooms, Parts & Service, and Vent Repair categories all went down pretty easily, but it’s been a struggle to make it through even the first night of the rest.

Well, except for FNAF3. It’s stupidly easy to lock Springtrap in place and that takes a lot away from the scare factor.

To explain a little further, FNAF VR includes fairly complete remakes of the first four Five Nights at Freddy’s games. “Night Terrors” takes some creative liberties with the way that FNAF4 worked, but it’s still a pretty close stand-in. These VR remakes are actually what really drew me to FNAF VR in the first place. As much as I like the game where you need to shine a flashlight on teleporting Plushbaby dolls before they kill you, it doesn’t nearly compare to the thrill of being in a full VR recreation of the original Five Night’s at Freddy’s game. The other three are neat too, but I never actually played any of the sequels until Sister Location

The reason for that being that the original FNAF scared the ever-loving crap out of me. I played it once. For ten minutes. And then I couldn’t sleep for weeks. Visions of murderous animatronics filled my mind whenever I closed my eyes. They could have been hiding around any corner, in any sufficiently dark area. Every light was on in my home at all times until I was able to escape the dread of being killed by a giant robot bear. That terror was apparently also able to spark obsession within me, as my mind has been constantly preoccupied by the franchise ever since.

You may be wondering then, if I was so terrified of these games, why would I want to place myself directly into them. Well, it’s that obsession, I guess. The fascination of what a cheap little indie game would be like with an actual budget is also a part of it. But mostly it’s because I’m not particularly afraid of FNAF anymore. I watch and re-watch gameplay footage and other related media all the time. I have FNAF merch strewn about my home. I’m very familiar with all facets of this series, and the only thing that could further stoke the fires of my fandom would be… to actually be in the games.

The thing is, I really do enjoy being there. Actually being behind any of those desks (or in that bedroom in the case of FNAF4) is intoxicating, and being free from the tyranny of having to control everything with a mouse pointer is a revelation. It’s so much fun! The thing is that… they cause me so much anxiety that I still have a really rough time playing them. I know that I’m going to be jumpscared, and I know what all the jumpscares are like, and yet the sheer anxiety of not knowing when the jumpscare is going to happen is enough to melt me into a puddle of whimpering goo. The first couple in-game hours are fine, but then I lose track of one of the animatronics, or Funtime Freddy starts taunting me, and everything falls apart. If you want to see the absolute fastest a human being can move, just watch me tear off a VR headset when my stress level gets too high.

Interestingly, the FNAF2 recreation has proven to be the worst of the bunch. A lot of it has to do with the fact that trying to keep track of the animatronics via the cameras becomes impossible very quickly. There are seven creatures out to get you once it shifts into high gear, which is just too much to control. And you’re going to need to keep the camera locked to the prize corner to keep that music box wound anyway. So all you can do is quickly hop between lighting up the vents and the hall to see if anything is coming. The rhythm isn’t too hard to get into, but it’s highly stressful, and having the music box constantly drowning out any helpful audio cues makes it so much worse. At least you could be ready if you were able to hear things coming.

I think that the dominance of the FNAF remakes also has a lot to do with the fact that all of the other random mini-games are just that. They’re smaller, more focused experiences. The FNAF recreations task you with keeping track of and fending off monsters for about nine minutes at a time. It’s a heck of a lot more stressful than a mini-game that has you push a few buttons and flip a few switches while listening for the approach of a single robot. Even the FNAF4 approximation isn’t quite as bad as the FNAF1 or FNAF2 nights, since you’re only dealing with one or two legitimate threats at a time.

All of that said though, FNAF VR is still a solid lock for best game in the series. I mean, it pulls together the best parts of all the games that came before and remakes them in a stunning virtual environment. There’s really no competition. It’s also important to note that it shows a really high level of polish; there are so many little touches and hidden secrets, you can really tell that the developers were passionate about bringing Freddy and his cohorts to life. And I’ve got to say that even though it forced me to wait almost two years to finally play the game, I’m glad that I didn’t settle for the “flat” version. It would still be a lot of fun, but could never compare to the exceptionally well-done VR version.

Now that I’ve said my piece, it’s almost noon and I’ve only checked about thirty-seven times today to see if there’s a release date yet for Five Nights at Freddy’s: Security Breach. I gotta get Googling!