How Else Would I Start The Year?

It’s the beginning of a new year, and three days from the start of Awesome Games Done Quick 2020. So I’ve got new year traditions and video game speedruns on my mind, which can only mean one thing:

It’s time to play Mega Man X.

I’m sure I mention it every year, but I like for MMX to be the first game I play through every year. I also really want to get myself to a point where I can finish it in under an hour. That said, I haven’t played it in exactly one year, so… I was a little rusty when I did my annual run yesterday.

Before we get into it, I should also note that I play what I like to call the 99% run. Which is to pick up all the upgrades in the game except for the hadouken, because it’s a pain and very slow to get. I don’t dare run any% because I need all those hearts and armor parts. I’m very bad at the final boss fights.

I reset not one minute into my run because I got a little too excited and tried to get a quick kill on the first bee blader, but apparently my mashing technique is much too slow, and I just died. Whoops. Maybe I ought to just try to play quickly instead of very fast.

Things actually got worse on the second attempt. I died to both chill Penguin and Launch Octopus because I was being stupid. I also feel down a hole in Chill Penguin’s stage, but that one was at least partly because of the Switch Pro controller’s mushy d-pad. I was trying to jump over the hole with the ride ride armor, but the game instead had me jump out of the ride armor, which threw me off and I ended up in the hole. It was dumb. Real dumb.

The other really big oops was when I frigged up getting the arm parts in Flame Mammoth’s stage. I thought, oh no big deal I’ll just get them from Zero later. But then I was in Boomer Kuwanger’s stage and I couldn’t charge Shotgun Ice to get to the heart tank, forcing me to replay nearly the whole stage. That was a pretty massive time loss.

I actually got through the Sigma stages pretty cleanly. Bosspider was nicer than ever, and didn’t even throw any babies at me. Then I got killed bu D-Rex because I always get killed by D-Rex. Don’t know why, but I just can’t manage that fight.

By the time I got to the final showdown, I only had 1.5 of four sub tanks full, and decided that I was already over my hour, so I spent three minutes grinding caterpillars for health drops. Then I had the best Velguarder fight of my life, a sloppy Sigma fight, and a halfway decent fight against Wolf Sigma. I only ended up needing two sub tanks, so that’s something to consider for my next run.

My final time came in at 1:07:14. Not a horrible time by any means, but I know I can do better. Four deaths is a lot, and I should have been able to avoid all of them. We’ll see what 2021 brings!

Monthend Video Game Wrap-Up: December 2019

~ Game Over ~

Spyro 3: Year of the Dragon (PS4) – So, it’s really weird that the final boss battle (and then the real final boss) had absolutely no fnafare at all. You just walk in the door and then the fight begins. No cutscene, no dialogue, nothing. Very jarring considering how much “story” the rest of the game had. Also, now that the trilogy is over, I think I’m happily done with all things Spyro for the rest of my life. 85% of my enjoyment with these games was watching the scoreboards fill up with 100%s.

Trover Saves the Universe (Switch) – I think I would have liked this more if I had played it in VR, because then it would look really good next to all the shallow mini-games. Like when you find that exceedingly rare mobile game that’s legitimately good. But compared to the other games on my Switch? It’s merely fine. But it’s a great barometer for measuring how long you can stand an unfiltered Justin Roiland. I can go for a little over an hour and a half.

Shovel Knight: King of Cards (Switch) – What an excellent way to close out the Shovel Knight series. King Knight takes a little while to get used to, but once you figure out how he works, it’s so much fun. Couple that with some of the best and most varied stage design in the series, and you’ve got an absolute treasure. It’s just too bad that the Joustus card game is no fun at all.

Continue reading Monthend Video Game Wrap-Up: December 2019

Goodbye, Mr. 2019

Yep. It’s over. And what a year for blogging it’s been. Or, not blogging. Since I didn’t do almost any until the last few months. I have a handful of year-end-type things to come, and the first is actually provided courtesy of Nintendo.

This year, Nintendo created a fun little widget for their website that shows some basic stats on all the Switch games you’ve played throughout 2019. Or, most of the Switch games, anyway. More on that later. First, let’s have a look-see at the dirt it’s got on me.

Generally speaking, I have no idea how accurate any of these stats really are. 699 hours? Sure, okay. And that includes probably over 150 if you combine the time logged on Fitness Boxing and Ring Fit Adventure, so that makes me feel better about that really big-looking number. Though really, there are roughly 2,920 hours of “free time” in a year (assuming you spend 8 hours a day at work, 8 hours sleeping, and 8 hours free), so spending 24% of it on Nintendo games ain’t so bad. I like when percentages make me feel better about my life choices. (Let’s not consider how many hours PS4 and PC games would add to that tally.)

Moving on, 63 different games played is probably pretty on-the-nose. I could go back over the Monthend Wrap-Ups to put it to the test, but ehhhhh that would be time consuming and I don’t really care. Maybe later.

As for the specific days when I played the most? November 23 is due to Pokémon Shield, no doubt. Easy. I’m actually surprised it wasn’t on launch weekend, to be honest. The days in July and August, though? Those are tougher. In July, I must have spent like a whole day playing Picross S3 or something, because I really don’t know what else it would be. That would also tie in with the individual game rankings. And the date in August I’m pretty sure must have been one of the days I was on vacation and stayed up all night playing Dragon Quest Builders 2. Yeah, there was more than one of those. I really loved DQB2.

So here’s where I really want to pick: the top 5 games played. Fitness Boxing and DQB2 absolutely belong there. Pokémon Shield probably earned its spot as well, even though it came out really late in the year. IGT says I’ve played for just over 63 hours. But I really wonder if Picross S3 and Final Fantasy IX belong. I played a lot of Monster Hunter Generations Ultimate in 2019, and I think that Ring Fit Adventure probably should have cracked the list as well. Heck, I’m pretty sure I spent more time with the Youtube app open after falling asleep than I did playing Picross S3. I adore Picross and all, but it doesn’t take me very long to burn through those games. But maybe the YouTube app wasn’t counted? Who knows!

Anyhow, that’s what Nintendo’s robots picked up on me, and who am I to argue? I’ll have some of my own numbers coming in next month, so stay tuned for that!

Oh right, and Happy New Year!!

Unexpected Inspiration

You may or may not have noticed that despite it having been out for about a month and a half now, I haven’t said too much about Pokémon Shield. There are a few reasons for this, but it’s mostly because I don’t have all that much to say. It’s a stock-standard Pokémon game, but with a cool new multiplayer mode (Max Raid Battles) that is simultaneously the most enjoyable and frustrating part of the game.

What nobody saw coming, least of all myself, is that I would be inspired by this game to try out some new cooking ideas. Specifically: curry. I’ve never made curry before, and only ever eaten curry at white-ass chain restaurants. It’s not a thing that I have any experience with or knowledge about. But when the new Pokémon game included a mini-game where you cook and eat curry with your ‘mons, I decided that it was time to try out something new.

Now, let me note this: I’m not actually making my own curry sauce. I’m using pre-made jarred sauce from the store. Yes, it’s kind of a cop-out, but there’s no way I’m buying all the spices and other junk necessary to do it from scratch. So really, my way of doing it is just to take a curry sauce flavour and then throw in whatever I think might taste good/whatever I have on hand. But it’s worked out well!

My first curry was made of red curry with meatballs and bell pepper thrown in. It was a huge success! Delicious and almost the perfect level of spicy. The second dish was a little wilder: I used a mango curry sauce with chopped up potatoes and bell pepper, then topped it off with apple slices. This one was absolutely inspired by Pokémon’s “just throw in whatever” mentality when it comes to ingredients, and I have to say that it turned out magnificently! The sweetness of the apple was a great pairing with the spicy curry, and the potato was mostly just there as something to chew on.

My presentation still needs a little work (the apples did not want to sit nicely), but I think it’s coming along nicely. At least for a guy whose most elaborate dinner prep is boiling frozen vegetables. My next big goal is to figure out how to keep the rice from getting unreasonably sticky. When I make brown rice it always comes out fine, but this jasmine stuff? It’s like it’s made of glue. Maybe jasmine was a mistake and I should have gone with the basmati. I don’t know anything about rice. Research will be necessary.

So yeah. My life is enriched by knowing how to prepare another type of meal! The lesson here is: Don’t let anybody tell you that video games have no practical applications.

Merry Belated Xmas?

I guess I’m a little late on this one. But I have an… excuse. Not really a good reason, because while I was otherwise occupied for all the waking hours of the 23rd, 24th, and 25th of December, I didn’t do jack squat yesterday. I could have mashed together some kind of holiday greeting-type post.

But I didn’t, so now it’s two days past Christmas and I just feel like it’s too late to bother backdating anything. Not that anyone would know. But I would know, and that’s enough. The shame would be too great.

What I can backdate, however, is the long overdue Top Ten Video Games of 2018 article that I fully wrote and never posted earlier this year because of the possibility of website doom. But it’s there now! Another reason I had delayed posting it is because I wanted to do illustrations and never made the time. So I just ended up throwing some doodles in there instead. Maybe the Top Ten of 2019 will fare better! (I doubt it.)

Rogue Legacy and why I don’t like roguelikes

Nintendo – and every other seller of goods in the world – had a big ol’ Black Friday sale recently, which naturally included a whole bunch of eShop titles. But I didn’t buy any of Nintendo’s games. No, I spent my money on a couple of indie games, and finally purchased Starlink: Battle for Atlas, which I’ve been putting off since it came out. I only now cracked because the complete edition (with all DLC) was marked down ridiculously low.

But that’s not what I really want to talk about today. I want to talk about one of the previously mentioned indie games: Rogue Legacy. This game came out ages ago on PC, and I tried playing it a little, but my system just couldn’t bear the weight of its… 16-bit graphics. So I really was only able to get a tiny taste of what it was like, which did manage to stick it in my brain, prompting me to wishlist the Switch version when it was released many years later. And then I bought it once it hit an appropriately low sale price.

Playing Rogue Legacy again has really reminded me of why I gave up on roguelikes so long ago. There was a time when I was into them, mostly because Jeremy Parish said I should be, and I was more than happy to pour hours into game like Shiren the Wanderer, Izuna: Legend of the Unemployed Ninja, and Spelunky. Over time, though, I realized that I don’t much care for this style of game. Now, that’s not to say that I can’t appreciate a game that has roguelike elements, but at the end of the day, it’s just not a genre that I have much fun with.

I think it’s worth examining exactly why it is that I don’t care for these games, so let’s start with the most obvious point: Permadeath. This means that when you die, you start the game over again. No checkpoints, no saves. Back to the beginning for you. Better luck next time. This is nothing special, since this “feature” has been around since the days of Space Invaders. The difference, of course, is that roguelikes are typically adventures that have a set ending point, rather than just having you chase high scores. And I don’t mind it. It seems like a lot of roguelikes are actually very short to accommodate this rule, since it would suck hard to get 10 hours into a game only to die and lose it all. So we’re just going to scratch permadeath off the list of things that I dislike about the roguelike genre.

Digging a little deeper, we get to the next really big one: random world generation. Or at the very least, random dungeon generation. Also known as procedural generation, this tactic of letting the game design the levels for you have been every indie developer’s go-to design philosophy for the last few years. And in some cases, it’s fine. Minecraft would lose a vast majority of its magic if it were the same world for every player, every time. When developers design rooms and then let the game string them together, that’s not too bad either. I fell hard for Chasm last year, going to far as to declare it one of my favourite games of 2018.

But when the whole game is created by a random number generator with a questionable amount of logic to work with, things can go horribly awry. The premise of a different game layout every time you play can certainly seem appealing, but then you realize that it’s more likely to screw you over than anything. Maybe you don’t get any helpful items for like 5 floors/levels. Maybe the whole floor is spikes and there’s nothing to jump on so you can get across. Maybe there’s an invisible instant-death trap right next to your starting point and it’s just over. Nothing feels like more of a waste of time than losing runs to simple bad luck. I don’t mind losing because my skill isn’t up to snuff, or I made a stupid mistake. But losing because my hunger meter was empty and the game didn’t give me any apples to replenish it is very close to infuriating.

All that is to say that I will always prefer playing a game with human-designed levels. I want every tile or polygon to be there for a reason. I want to know that I have been allowed the proper resources to deal with the challenges I’m going to face. If I squander those resources irresponsibly? That’s on me. And I get that it takes more time and resources to hand-craft levels and dungeons, but I truly think the final product is consistently better when you don’t leave it up to a computer.

I’d also like to make an aside about those invisible traps I mentioned before. What kind of garbage is that? You step on the wrong tile and then suddenly you’re poisoned or seventeen monsters spawn around you? That’s just mean. Not fun. Nothing about that is fun. Nuts to you, any developer that uses invisible traps.

Another thing that drives me up the wall is “unidentified” items. Basically, you pick up this question mark item, and you need another item to identify it. Or maybe sometimes your character has to have a certain intelligence stat or something. I think that in a roguelike setting, these are really aggravating, mostly because they seem to be super common (or maybe it’s just my bad luck). It’s not so bad when you can go to a town and restock on magnifying glasses or whatever bauble it is that identifies things. But when you’re stuck hoping that these things will randomly spawn somewhere? Nuts to that. Just… all the nuts to it. Then when you finally identify the thing, it turns out to be a “scroll that causes paralysis to the user”.

Seriously, why do people like roguelikes so much?

Anyway, I guess those are my main gripes with the genre. So what was that one game that made me think about it in the first place? Oh right, Rogue Legacy. I generally do like Rogue Legacy, despite its lineage. But mostly for the things that separate it from the standard roguelike. For one, it’s a Castlevania-inspired platformer instead of a turn-based-RPG. That’s already a big win in my book. Not that I have a problem with RPGs, but platformers are my jam.

Rogue Legacy does make use of a lot of the usual roguelike elements. The castle you’re adventuring through is randomly generated every time you enter, and you lose all progress whenever you die. It doesn’t throw in any mystery items, which is nice, but items are barely even a thing here anyway. What sort of makes up for that randomness is that every time you die, you have to choose from three randomly-generated characters for your next run. Each one has a name, class, trait, and subweapon assigned… randomly. I feel like once I’m done writing this, I’m going to hate the word “random” more than ever.

Your guy/gal’s name is inconsequential. Their class determines their stat distribution and special ability. The subweapon is picked from a pool of maybe half a dozen, mostly based on classic Castlevania subweapons. Lastly, and most importantly, is the trait. Your character is given a trait (or sometimes two or sometimes none) that acts as a modifier for that particular run. If your guy is “nostalgic”, the screen will get a sepia overlay. If they suffer from gigantism, their sprite will be larger than usual. If they have vertigo, the entire game will be flipped upside-down. If they’re gay… I don’t think it actually changes anything. It’s a weird inclusion, but I think it’s an awkward way of trying to say that it’s perfectly normal to be gay?

The thing I like about this system is that you can always choose from a pool of three characters. You’re never stuck with a bad trait, and even if all three have traits you don’t like, you can choose the one that’s least offensive. It’s a way to include an element of randomness while letting the player still feel like they have a little say in how their experience unfolds. The game even tells you what each trait does before you pick it, and I really appreciate that transparency. Though in all honesty, some of the descriptions are less helpful than others. And it seems that sometimes you get a trait that isn’t listed on the character sheet… but usually it it’s one of the more benign, “funny” ones, like IBS or Coprolalia.

The major thing that Rogue Legacy does to deviate from a traditional roguelike is the fact that it lets you make permanent progress. While you lose your progress in the castle every time you die, you get to keep all the money you found, and that can be spent on permanent character upgrades. There are some that boost your base stats, some that unlock class upgrades, and some that do other things, like hiring NPCs that can give you even more power-ups.

While this may sound like it could be a little broken, Cellar Door Games did a really good job of balancing it. You lose all unspent money upon entering the castle, which keeps it from becoming a money grind to afford the next power-up. No, you’ve actually got to have a good enough run to collect all that gold in one go. So while you do gain passive bonuses over time, there’ s still an incentive to actually get better at playing the game. Even if you don’t collect a lot of money, there are permanent upgrades hidden in chests. So maybe all your run amounted to was finding a blueprint for a new set of boots, but at least you got that cool thing, and you get to keep it! Celebrate the small victories!

The problem with it is that since such a big part of the game is building your character up, there’s basically no way that you’ll be able to have a winning run early on. Bosses are much too strong, and even some of the regular enemies can ruin your day real fast if you haven’t made any significant HP gains. Absolutely there are crazy people out there who can do low-level runs, but that’s not for the common man. No, we’ll have to get in at least thirty or forty losses before a win even becomes viable. But I’m fine with that. I like the number-go-up of RPGs, and having to actually earn those numbers-ups with skillful play feels very satisfying.

The other thing that’s permanent is that when you kill a boss, it stays dead. This is a wonderful boon, as the bosses are already crazy hard, and trying to kill them all in a single run would drive me mad. Bosses give out a massive amount of money (and a fistful of permanent stat boosts) when you kill them, and while it would be handy to be able to farm them for that big payday, that’s probably exactly why they stay dead in the first place.

With all that said, I think that the permanent progression mechanics are what keep me playing Rogue Legacy when I would have quit any other roguelike long ago. Sure, you can have a really garbage run where you die before you can collect a useful amount of coin, but generally speaking, every run will provide you with a tangible reward. Maybe it’s something as small as a +10 HP boost, or maybe you just unlocked a new piece of armor that you can’t afford, but you still get to feel like you walked away with something. I know that enthusiasts of true roguelikes like to spout the “you learn something with every run” line, but that’s only a half-truth, because if you get killed by an invisible instant death trap 25 minutes into a run, you don’t learn anything. You can’t learn to avoid invisible, random trap. You could have done everything right and died because the RNG hates you. RNG never kills you in Rogue Legacy. It can stack a room against you by spawning a dozen projectile-shooting monsters, but you’ll never die because of something you could not have possibly accounted for.

I don’t know if any of this what I’ve just written makes any sense, but that’s the general gist of how I feel. I tried my darnedest to get into roguelikes, but for the most part, they just don’t gel with me. I need structure and dependability. A little bit of randomness can spice things up, but when an entire game leans on it, that’s just not for me. I’m glad roguelikes exist, because I think it’s an interesting genre, and I actually really like watching others play them on YouTube or what-have-you, but I just don’t have very much fun when I play them. Fortunately, we have games like Rogue Legacy that reign in the randomness enough to make something palatable to me.

A pointless catch-up

I still have a number of blog posts to catch up on from my almost-year of not blogging. I have a bunch of assorted things written up in Google Docs, and more or less just need to review them and then mash them into WordPress. Should be quick and easy, right? Yes. Yes it should.

But I’m lazy, and can’t be bothered to get it all done in one fell swoop. So today, we only take a few strides towards post-dating all those dated posts. I’ve gone and transferred over a few “liveblogs” of a number of Nintendo Direct presentations from this year. Was it all of them? I don’t know. It’s all of the ones I cared enough to record my thoughts on.

Seeing as these are mostly knee-jerk reactions to new game announcements, it’s kind of a pointless thing to go back and look at for anyone who isn’t me. For me, I find it kind of neat to look back at these lists of games to compare how interested I was in the reveals at the time versus how interested I ended up being in the final products.

I guess what I’m saying here, is that I probably didn’t need to bother highlighting that I’ve added these posts to the archive. But here we are.

Nintendo Direct – Feb 13/19

Nindies Spotlight – Mar 20/19

Nintendo @ E3 2019

Nintendo Direct – Sept 4/19

Tablet life, v1.00001

I won a new tablet at a social a couple weekends ago, a Samsung Galaxy Tab E Lite. What a mouthful. I really haven’t used it for much yet besides learning that mobile games are still garbage even on a bigger screen.

I’m currently toying with the concept of using it for blogging (I wrote this and the previous post on it), though I’m legitimately surprised at just how bad I am at typing on the thing. I’ve needed to go back and correct at least every second word, often more than once. Maybe it’s because I’ve had a lot lf tkme to get usdd to it, but I dkn’t type nearly as pooorly on my tkny pjkne.

I purposely didn’t correct that last sentence, in hopes of really driving home my point.

I was likewise shocked to learn how terrible this tablet’s camera is. That was what finally got me to do the research and learn that this is a tablet originally released in 2014, so it’s barely newer than my piece of garbage Kobo Arc 7. It came at the right price, but man… I was hoping for a slightly more pronounced upgrade.

Ah, I shouldn’t complain. The thing works, and that alone puts it miles ahead of the Kobo. But I still don’t think I can reasonably use this for blogging.

The 13th, on a Friday!

It wasn’t until just today that it occurred to me, that of the 11 Friday the 13th films, not one of them is set at Christmastime. And while that’s fine, it seems like a missed opportunity. Doing the usual thing, but with a holiday theme, would be a easy sequel gimmick.

So I just picked one randomly to watch tonight, and ended up going with part 9: Jason Goes to Hell. Well, maybe not entirely randomly. I partly chose this one because it’s my least-watched entry in the series. I’m reasonably sure I’ve only seen it the one time. Twice at the very most.

There are lots of things to say about Jason Goes to Hell, but the important one is that it’s probably the most creative sequel of the bunch, narratively (I’d listen to arguments in favour of Part 5, though). This film posits that Jason is not, in fact, an immortal zombie who is back again, but rather a demonic being that can hop between bodies as necessary. They don’t use the body-hopping conceit as effectively as they could have (there’s never even an attempt at hiding Jason’s identity), but at least it gives a slightly less flimsy excuse than usual as to why he’s always back again.

The film kicks off in an unorthodox fashion, with the FBI trapping and exploding Jason into itty-bitty giblets. This is interesting, because it goes against the tried-and-true horror trope of nobody but the protagonist believing that the monster is real. This suggests that Jason’s rampage in the previous film (Jason Takes Manhattan) was severe and public enough that the government was forced to acknowledge it and take action. And I find that fascinating. Because I love overthinking silly horror movie plots.

Then it goes into some voodoo malarkey about how Jason had a secret sister, and that only someone from his bloodline can kill him for real. And now that the audience knows this, Jason does a hard pivot after a decade of random murder and starts homing in on his sister and niece. It’s also noteworthy that Jason has never been quite this smart before, as he uses his new body-snatching ability to strategically get himself close to his prey without drawing too much attention.

The body-swap is also very bad news for whoever is on the recieving end. Getting posessed by a murder-zombie is bad enough, but when he moves into a new person, the previous host regains consciousness for a minute before slowly and painfully melting into a puddle of goop. But it should be no surprise thag having an evil spirit take up temporary residence inside you will take a real toll on your body.

Anyway, Jason Goes to Hell might actually be one of the best Friday the 13th films just by virtue of having an actual plot. It’s not a great plot by any metric, but it gives the characters real motivation. This in turn means that there’s more to this movie than just waiting to see what creative way Jason uses to kill the next hapless teen. This may be the only sequel in the series where the plot doesn’t just get in the way of escalating kill scenes. I was hoping to exclaim that it also has character development, but no, that doesn’t happen. The main guy has a soft arc where he learns to stop being a coward, but that’s really it.

If I have to level one complaint at Jason Goes to Hell, it’s going to be that the final scene straight up doesn’t work anymore, due to the ravages of time. At the end, our heroes walk away into the sunrise as the wind blows dust and debris over Jason’s mask – all that is left of him after he’s pulled down to Hell by a throng of It From The Pit hands (amazing scene BTW). It’s at this point that the canny horror fan will expect Jason’s hand to rise from the earth and reclaim the mask, assuring audiences that another sequel is on the way. But we get a curveball when instead it’s Freddy Krueger’s hand that emerges and pulls the mask into the ground with his signature cackle. No doubt this was a major surprise back in 1989, but now that Freddy vs Jason has happened (and how long it took to happen), there’s no shock value and you’re just left thinking about how it doesn’t make any GD sense from a lore perspective.

There actually was something else that I thought warranted criticizm, but I forgot what it was while writing the previous paragraph, so I it couldn’t have been especially bad. There’s a ridiculous scene near the end where Jason is reborn with a fresh, new… decaying zombie body… but I actually like that scene because of how stupid it is.

At the end of the day, the important thing is that I’ve gained a new appeciation for this film. I may be one of the few, though, as Jason Goes to Hell was not well-received by critics (obvi) or regular filmgoers. They called the plot incoherent and didn’t like the supernatural angle, but I think that as the ninth entry in a series with little in the way of innovation, it was a noble attempt to try to add a little freshness. Maybe they didn’t stick the landing, or a lot of what came before the landing, but I like that someone cared enough to try.

Ryan’s Bizarre Blog Post

Bear with me a moment here, this is a difficult thing to talk about… I’ve… been watching a lot of anime this year. “A lot” for me, of course, is basically just any value higher than zero. Still, it’s a thing that’s been happening with an alarming frequency. And it’s all Netflix’s fault.

First I watched Neon Genesis Evangelion and its two film follow-ups, which I kind of hated. I don’t know. I guess you had to be there. Then I watched Devilman Crybaby, which was unbearably dull until the last three episodes where it went bonkers and I really got into it. Now I’m going through JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure. This seems to be currently “in” with the internet nerds everywhere, but it’s not really landing for me.

I want to like JoJo. I really do. The premise – generations of heroes carrying on an eternal battle against immortal foes – is certainly interesting to me. It smacks of Castlevania, but without the gothic theme and Universal Monsters. Jojo‘s battles are usually cool, with neat twists and flashy magic powers and all that stuff you’d expect. Plus, the art! It’s a little weird, but I think that’s what I appreciate about it. Great visual style. Lots of panache. And the ending theme is “Roundabout” by Yes, which is an excellent way to make sure your show always ends on a good note.

But then there’s the exposition. I kid you not, Jojo’s Bizzare Adventure is roughly 90% exposition by volume. You could probably condense and entire story arc into a single episode if you cut out every instance of a character over-describing what’s happening. It’s bad. It’s really bad. And it’s making the show so hard for me to really get into. I’m a couple episodes into the second story arc (with the pillar man), but I don’t know if I care enough to keep putting up with it. Word on the reddit is that it gets better, but my time is precious and I’d prefer to squander it on something I can really dig.

Looking at the bigger picture, the exposition problem is one of the major things that’s kept me disinterested in anime in general. I think it generally stems from Dragon Ball Z, which was hot when I was younger, and I wanted to like it, but got annoyed because it was mostly just the characters endlessly describing whatever was going on. Or endlessly grunting as they charged up special moves. To be honest, I don’t know if this really is a problem with anime in general, but it seems like it gets parodied a lot, so maybe I’m not just making things up? I remember Shaman King having the same problem, but I can’t be sure. If it did, I somehow managed to get over it because I was completely fascinated by the lore of that one.

Anyway, I think my point stands: JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure sure seems like the kind of show that I would like, but in practice, it’s got one major flaw that really turns me off. I wish I could push past it, but every time friggin’ Speedwagon opens his mouth, I shout at the screen “Show, don’t tell!”