Valhalla, I am coming!

So I guess 2009 hasn’t been a much better year for blogging, has it? Two months, three posts apiece. Sounds about up to par. Oh well. Consider it a concession to that nagging voice in my head that’s yelling at me for not blogging about anything interesting.

But ho! Have I got something interesting to talk about today! If you look at video game news at all, you should know that there’s a little gem of a DS game going around called Retro Game Challenge. It’s packed full of NES games that never existed, and it’s an absolutely essential play for anyone with fond memories of gaming in the 80’s. Parish and his cronies won’t shut up about Guadia Quest, the RPG of the bunch, but there is so much more to enjoy here! Me, I love me some Robot Ninja Haggleman!

Robot Ninja Haggleman is a simple action game, sort of a strange mash-up between Super Mario Bros and… Bugs Bunny Crazy Castle maybe? I’m not sure, really. The whole “map full of doors” reminds me of Bugs Bunny Crazy Castle. The game is simple, requiring you, as Haggleman, to rid the room of enemies and then defeat the boss that appears. The twist is that each room has a plethora of doors, which serve many purposes. First, Haggleman can hide behind doors to avoid enemies, and a swinging door will stun/kill any bad guys that are too close. Entering a door also swings the doors of every like-coloured door, so you can set up combo kills by switching door colours. There are also items hidden behind certain doors, and the boss character can be flushed out before the peons are all dead by opening the door he’s hiding behind. It’s a pretty easy game, since Haggleman is not only able to kill enemies with doors and by stomping on them, but he’s also got ninja stars which stun baddies and there are powerups that make him even faster and stronger. Not to mention that it’s only 16 stages long, which is not bad by early NES standards. It’s super fun though.

The sequel, Robot Ninja Haggleman 2, as you may expect is even better. It’s the same basic game, but with many little improvements that add up to a lot. The title screen and cutscenes now have backgrounds, but otherwise the graphics are all the same. Gameplay tweaks like vertically scrolling stages (the original game’s stages only move horizontally) and the ability to delay your special attacks seem tiny but add a lot more to the game. It’s also noticeably more difficult, with smarter minor enemies and tougher bosses (they now take three hits to kill, as opposed to one in the first Robot Ninja Haggleman). It’s really all you could ever want from a sequel: the exact same game with a ton more polish and some nice gameplay additions.

Haggleman 3, however, is where the series really shines. It is entirely different from the previous games, and is probably the best NES game that was never made. It’s the last game in Retro Game Challenge and is truly a smashing finish to the game. Taking Metroid-style exploration and upgrading and putting a Ninja Gaiden mask over top of it is genius. It’s even got annoying bird that fly out of nowhere and knock you into bottomless pits! The game’s look is entirely different, with large, dramatic-looking sprites as opposed to the cartoony style of the previous installments, and the gameplay follows suit. It’s awesome. I don’t know how many times I’m gonna say that.

Seriously, Haggleman 3 is the apex of 8-bit gaming. The controls are fluid, and the stages are huge. Haggleman tosses ninja stars by default, but getting in close to enemies will get him to start swinging his sword. Stages are no longer a big series of halls and doors, they’re now huge areas with tons of different paths and secrets everywhere. Doors now lead only to hints and stores. In the stores, Haggleman can buy life, special weapons, and gears. The gears can be installed to give Haggleman increases abilities, like stronger attacks or higher jumps, but only three can be equipped at any time and they have to be under a certain power limit, so that gives it a slight puzzle element in having to know what gears to have equipped at the right time.

I really can’t continue and keep pretending that this is interesting for anyone but me, so I’ll stop here, but let it be known that Robot Ninja Haggleman is my new hero. Truly, you owe it to yourself to pick up a copy of Retro Game Challenge if you own a DS and love 8-bit gaming (who doesn’t?). What’s even better is that the sequel just hit store shelves in Japan. It’s not a huge deal yet because the first game took almost a year and a half to be localized, but maybe the mass of hype around it will speed up that process for the sequel. Early fall release, maybe? Please?

Rudy’s on a train

I’ve always secretly loved Valentine’s Day. Not because I’m a big fan of love and mushiness or anything, but because it always gave me a good reason to mope. I looked forward to the day because it was a day where I could lock myself in my room and be gloomy and have a “legitimate” reason for it. It was a day that celebrated couples, and I was single; in theory everyone who wasn’t in a relationship should be bummed. But not me. I love being sullen and whatnot, so it was always great for me. Don’t know why I enjoyed being alone and moody so much, that’s just how I was.

But now in 2009, I’m in a serious relationship, and Valentine’s Day is exactly the opposite of what it used to be. I got home from work and had to work my ass off to get everything cleaned up and dinner prepared in time. I spent the whole night with her instead of being all by my lonesome, and for the first time ever, I had a ton of fun on Valentine’s Day with someone other than myself. We didn’t do much, just had a nice home-cooked dinner, played Rock Band, ate a cake (yes, we ate an entire cake between the two of us), and muddled around on Facebook for a while. It wasn’t fancy or expensive, but it was perfect.

And now I’m sitting here thinking that despite the fact that this V-Day couldn’t be any more different from the old ways, there is one thing that they have in common: both types made me happy, just in different ways.

Death is just a heartbeat away

Last weekend was my girlfriend’s birthday weekend, masterminded by none other than me, and it was quite the awesome weekend. On Friday night, I took her out to Stereo to go dancing. While I still don’t understand (or particularly enjoy) the club scene, she had an absolute blast, so it was well worth it. On Saturday we managed to round up a couple others so we could finally play the Clue game I bought her for Christmas. I’ve never played Clue before, and while it was a lot of fun, it’s way too easy if you’re only playing with three people. We also watched a shitload of movies. That you can pretty much take for granted, because watching movies is the activity we spend the most time on. Right now, I would like to share my opinions on those movies.

The first was her pick from a trip to Blockbuster on Saturday night: Room 6. Personally, I didn’t think much of it. It started well enough, but then degenerated into madness, and not the good kind. Shit just kept happening and nobody ever explained any of it. I watched the cast/crew behind the scenes featurette afterward, and that gave me some answers, but didn’t make me like the movie any more. It was like a boring, confusing version of Jacob’s Ladder. I mean, Jacob’s Ladder left some things ambiguous on purpose, but it at least gave you enough information that you could have fun thinking up and discussing your own theories on what was happening. Room 6 was not as thoughtful. There was a super-creepy little girl though.

We rented three movies at the Blockbuster, and it being her birthday, Steph chose the second one as well. Much more enjoyable than her first pick was Vacancy 2: The First Cut, the prequel to 2007’s Vacancy. It wasn’t a life-changing direct-to-DVD experience, but there were some bright spots, like a man-on-fire. I’ll go easy on pretty much any movie that provides me with a scene where someone is running around on fire. I also give it points because while it’s a prequel, the plot isn’t entirely predictable, and does contain a couple little surprises. For example, I thought it would be the same bad guys and motel as from the first movie. It was not so. The first one was better though. If nothing else, because Frank Whaley’s character was way more entertaining than David Moscow’s.

I got to pick out a movie too, for the sake of fairness, and I think it’s obvious that my choice was my favourite. I was jumping with glee when I saw that Blockbuster was stocking Dead and Breakfast, a movie that I had seen previews for, but had never found while browsing through movies at local stores. I absolutely had to rent it, and I loved it. Dead and Breakfast parades itself around as a zombie movie, but it isn’t really. The monsters are more posessed corpses than zombies, but that leads to much hilarity, like when the leader “zombie” uses the decapitated head of one of his friends as a puppet and frequently talks to it. There’s also a scene where all the “zombies” start dancing. Obviously, it’s the “Thriller” dance, but to an original song. Anyway, it’s hilarious movie, totally over-the-top in many places (especially gore), and I couldn’t recommend it more. I’m actively on the hunt for this one now.

The last movie is one I picked up when we went shopping on Sunday afternoon. I picked up the two pack of Nightwatch and Daywatch because I’d heard good things about them on more than one occasion. We watched Nightwatch that night, and I wasn’t disappointed. It was a really cool movie, and had a fairly interesting plot. I haven’t explained any other plots, so I won’t start here. I will, however, point out that it was a bit confusing. The plot seemed like bits were missing and maybe they spent too much time with subplots than explaining what was going on in the main story. They did a really great job with the subtitles though, as they kind of blended them into the movie to make them less distracting. Overall Nightwatch was neat and original, but not perfect. I’m hoping that the sequel is even better.

She said “Love? Lord above!”

I’ve got a new predicament these days. It’s a rather sticky one too! See, I’ve grown less and less fond of my job over the last… well, however long it’s been since the last time I said I liked my job. At this point, I really want to go out and find a new one, but not something that’s just as bad as what I’m dealing with right now (keeping in mind that it’s not really that bad at all). I can barely even summon the motivation to send out online applications, nevermind actually go out and hand out resumes to random workplaces. It’s because I know that I’m employed, have guaranteed hours, and don’t really have it too bad. I’m in a decent place, and while it could be better, that decency is keeping my ambition locked away.

That said, there’s a job posting for an assistant manager position that I would love to have. As much as I want to move away from my current workplace, I also want to move up the management ladder, take over the damn place, and rule with an iron fist. The problem is that if I put in for this job and somehow land it (not likely. I’m pretty sure the boss hates me), I’ll have even less motivation to get movin’ on than I do now.

So I’m a bit stumped. Being an assistant manager – even of a crappy toy store – would be a huge achievement for me, because by nature I’m a follower, not a leader. I want it so bad! Primarily for the extra money and great addition to the resume, but also to prove to myself that I’m not worthless. I also kind of feel like it would prove to everyone else that I’m not worthless. Not that even one person has ever said anything of the sort to me, but my low self-esteem causes that whole feeling inadequate thing. I mean, I know I’m capable of accomplishing lots, I just have no ambition. So this would be taking the easy way out; moving up, but not really making any significant change.

I guess I still need some time to think it over, but I think I’m most likely to go for it. And I know this post is a little rambley and a lot disjointed, but it makes me feel a little less confused to have all my thoughts put down on virtual paper. It’s not so much for your reading pleasure as for me to sort out my thoughts. But if you have some insight, don’t be afraid to put in your two cents (just click on my name up there).

With a heart full of napalm

Last month (or last year if you want to be dramatic), I rambled on about the sorry state of Nintendo’s digital distribution channel, the Wii Shop. In that short and hastily-typed tirade, I mentioned that though WiiWare’s lineup was lacking, I thought that Space Invaders Get Even looked like it had some chops. I was totally right.

I had bought some Wii Points a couple days ago so that I could download the newly-released Kirby’s Dream Land 3 (beautiful, beautiful game), and had 1500 points to spare. I figured that I wanted to give Space Invaders Get Even a shot, but World of Goo was calling my name. I believe it came down to the fact that for 500 points, if I didn’t like SIGE, it wouldn’t be a huge loss, whilst World of Goo would run me my whole 1500. So the Space Invaders got their chance to shine.

Space Invaders Get Even is a very simple game. A glorified shoot ’em up, even. The object is to fly your ship around the map and blow shit up. You would not believe that this alone is enough fun to warrant the 5 dollars it cost you to buy the game. Hell, this is more than enough fun to warrant a $20 purchase. I would totally not be disappointed if this were a disc release game and I’d bought it out of the $20 bargain bin at Superstore. But yeah, fly around and blow up some particular buildings and that’s all. The game is drenched in wonderful sci-fi cheese, and as far as the atmosphere of the game goes, makes me think back to War of the Monsters (anyone have a spare copy?) and Destroy All Humans.

But there is a little more to it than that! It’s a Space Invaders game after all, and the whole point of any title bearing that name would be achieving high scores. So while leveling the playing field (literally) is a great hook, you’ll get totally addicted to trying to top out your scores. Online leaderboards do nothing to help stop that addiction either. I’ve never been crazy about leaderboards (because I’m only mediocre at games), but for once I’ve been checking how I stack up to everyone else quite obsessively, and am proud to say I’m ranked 99th on overall game score. That’s pretty good!

There is one catch, however. The game you buy from the Wii Shop Channel only contains two levels and a boss. While these are more than good enough for a while, the itch to blow up some new scenery will rear its ugly head, and new scenery is available, thoughat a cost. There are three mission packs available for 500 points apiece. And while that sounds outrageous, there is an upside: each mission pack contains four stages and two bosses, thereby giving you twice as much game as your initial investment for the same price. Not as bad as it could be, but still a bit on the sketchy side. You really can’t expect much more from Square-Enix though. Also, the intial game eats up 300+ blocks of memory, and each expansion pack takes around 120, so it’s a friggin’ massive game to have on your Wii’s tiny internal memory. Until now I’ve barely cared about a Wii hard drive, but between SIGE and the Strong Bad games, I’m starting to get a little irritated by its lack of existence.

To conclude, I’d say that Space Invaders Get Even is a no-brainer. At least the intinal download is. Nickel-and-diming us for the rest of the levels is kind of a dick move, but it only comes out to $20 in the end, and like I said before, I would gladly pay that price for the game. I just really want to play War of the Monsters now. I never should have mentioned it… *sigh*

Live fast, ’cause it won’t last

Ah, a new year. We’re already a few days in, but let’s talk about it anyway. I know I’m usually more of the cynical type, but I’ve got a good feeling about 2009. Not that 2008 wasn’t a good year. Oh no, quite opposite in fact!

2008 was a pretty great year in and of itself. There was that one rough patch in March-ish, and the last week of the year was a little touch-and-go for a while, but overall I’d say 2008 was a rousing success. The belated release of Super Smash Bros Brawl was more than enough in itself to make me happy with last year, but let’s not forget some of the other great things that came to us like No More Heroes and Fable II. Oh, and Tales of Vesperia too, which I am still spending a solid chunk of my free time playing (damned achievements!).

I also got a promotion earlier in the year, and though I enjoy the little bit of power I’ve been granted, it’s still not nearly enough to make me like my job. But that’s okay, because recently a really huge opportunity has shown its face and I’m really hoping it works out. I won’t go into any more detail because the more I talk about it, the less fate will think I deserve it, but I will say this: it would be my dream job.

Obviously, and most importantly, 2008 is the year that I started dating my girlfriend. It’s been fantastic, and while there are a few very minor drawbacks (I sometimes miss having copious amounts of free time), I finally understand just why people always seem so desperate to be with someone. We’ve been on several vacations together already, and have a designated movie night. Working at the same place has its perks too, of course.

So yeah, 2008 was good. Maybe not perfect, but that’s what 2009 is for, I guess. Hopefully this year I’ll make a little more time for my website(s) and write up more than five articles. I mean, that’s less than one every two months. Unacceptable! Perhaps I’ll finish refurbishing the “Spare!” comics. Who knows. Though I’m fairly sure I’ve mentioned that at least a million times in the last few months and nothing’s come of it.

Anyway, that’s my two cents. Here’s to the new year and even better times!

Promise not to stop when I say “when”

Well, it’s now the 24th of December, and I have successfully made one news post every day. Guess maybe I did have it in me after all. I know a couple were a bit crappy, but sometiimes that’s just how she goes.

Today, I was intending to talk about the best DLC for Rock Band, but I’d rather just make a bit of a spiel about how I hate working on computers that aren’t mine. See, I’m making this post from my girlfriend’s laptop, as I will not be home at all today, and I had to make the last post, right? But anyway, I’m finding this very uncomfortable. The whole compressed keyboard thing is a pain to adjust to, and making my typing way slower. Don’t get me wrong; it’s a vey nice laptop, and I wouldn’t mind owning one myself, but I just can’t stand adjusting to a new keyboard.

Much more of an issue is the fact that it’s running Windows Vista. Oh my God I hate Vista. It took me nearly half an hour to figure out how to access my FTP site or whatever through the network connections, and it really shouldn’t be that hard. I don’t think I could even do it again. And why doesn’t the “choose program” under “open with” have a bunch of default programs? I had to dig through the whole Windows directory to find the stupid Notepad. Notepad! And yes, I do all my HTMLing in Notepad. I’m sure it would be a lot easier with a program that would pick out wrong and useles code, but whatever. I’ve been doing it this way for six years, why change now? I hate change.

On a lighter note, we watched A Christmas Tale from that 6-movie set last night. It was actually a lot funnier than it was scary. The plot was about a bunch of kids who found a dangerous criminal who had fallen into a pit. She had robbed a bank, and the kids were trying to get her to give them the money before they’d help her out of the hole. Then there was voodoo and zombies and a slightly ambiguous ending. It was okay, nothing special. I think my favourite part was that there were four boys, and when they were coming up with nicknames to use while talking to the criminal, they named themselves after the A-Team. That was funny.

So yep. That concludes the 24 Days of Materialism. Hoped you enjoyed it as much as I hated finding a way to make a blog post every day for 24 days staight.

I play for keeps

As sort of a follow up to my short “review” of the Uzumaki manga, I decided that I would watch the movie. And watch I did. Last night. And much to my dismay, it really wasn’t very good. So even though it’s Tuesday and I’m supposed to be reviewing a video game, I’mma go ahead and tell you about this flop.

The main issue here is that they had to cram a story that spanned three books into two hours, and I suppose they did an okay job with that, but it could have been so much better. There were a lot of chapters in the books that were simply side-stories that really had no place in the movie. Particularly that of Kirie’s stalker and the girl with the spiraly hair. Hell, they weren’t even complete here. At the end of the movie, they show some stills of people affected by the uzumaki, and one is of the chick with the hair, her curls wrapped around a telephone pole, and her body completely emaciated. If you hadn’t read the manga prior to this, you would have no idea what was going on. Would you have guessed that the ever-growing hair spirals were draining her of her life? Probably not, as it wasn’t even remotely touched on.

The main story was even cut in half and slightly butchered in the process. Everything was going fine in the beginning; Shuichi’s father obsessed with the uzumaki, the spiral smoke from the crematorium chimney, his mother going insane. It was all good until the end when (and I’ll spoil the movie here because the book is way better) Shuichi was caught by the spiral and turned into a monster. Manga Shuichi would never have given into the spiral, much much less attack Kirie. Or does that give away too much? Well, in any case, I undersand that they had to take a few liberties to turn it into a movie, but it just hurts so much. The quote on the cover calls Uzumaki “deliriously unsettling”, which is true, but the creepiness is about the only thing left intact from the source material.

Which brings me to what I did like about the film version. for one, like I said, it was still really creepy. I’m almost afraid to turn around in fear that some kind of horrible spirally fate is waiting just behind me. A good part of the gore and shocking visuals remain off-camera (or come on for only a split-second), but the screams and the sounds of bones cracking and bodies contorting in ways they were never meant to are more then enough to get the message of terror across. Also, for the very brief few seconds that we get to see the giant man-snails, they look really cool. Besides the fact that they’re irrelevant to the main plot, I kinda wish they’d gotten more screen time. Oh well.

In conclusion, I really haven’t changed my mind between now and four paragraphs ago. It’s not a great movie, and I’m pretty sure that anyone who has not read through at least the first book will be utterly confused by what exactly is going on. It’s frightening and will most likely give you the jibblies, but I think that in the end, the common man would come away from it more confused than scared. Not a big recommendation on this one unless you’re absolutely crazy about the manga and must have everything asociated with it. In which case, I might warn you against obsessions like that… unless you want to end up coiled in a laundry machine.

Wished ever after would be like this

Okay, Monday is whatever I want it to be, right? Well today I choose to do a sort of Part 2 to yesterday’s post. And by that, I mean I have posted a new article; the 2008 Virtual Console Wishlist. It’s all about Super Nintendo games! And it actually falls closer to the intent of this “24 Days of Materialism” feature than yesterday’s rant, because it’s a loving tribute to things I would like to pay money for, whereas usually I talk about things I’ve already paid for.

So go read that maybe. It’s pretty one-sided, but I’m sure you’ll agree with me on at least the last game. If you don’t you’re a heartless monster and you shouldn’t be allowed to play video games.