Monthend Video Game Wrap-Up – January 2017

Holy crow, 2017 is already flying by. It seems like it was just New Year’s Day, and already we’re in February. It’s gonna be Switch Day before we know it!

And that’s about the extent of my small talk abilities. That’s why I spend so much time playing video games alone instead of socializing with humans.

~ Game Over ~

Layers of Fear (PS4) – Appropriate that the first game I beat in 2017 is yet another spook-em-up walking simulator. I think I may have found my sub-genre. In an effort to try to toughen up a bit, I started playing with the lights off and headphones on. That lasted for half the game, at which point I simply could not take it any more. Anyway, I really liked it, and played through twice to get all the trophies.

Layers of Fear: Inheritance (PS4) – A DLC half-sequel for the game listed above. It was good, but much less frightening and also I needed to play through it three times for all the trophies. Though that’s really not such a big problem when the game can easily be run in under an hour.

Resident Evil 7 (PS4) – I was so excited for this scaled-down take on RE, and then about two hours in, I realized “oh, this is just a backwoods version of Alien: Isolation.” But then it quickly got much better and I got completely sucked in. Loved it. Can’t wait to play it again.

Day of the Tentacle Remastered (PS4) – There couldn’t have been a better time to accidentally subscribe to PS+. This was one of the free games for January, and though I own the original game, I haven’t played it in, oh, 20 years? It was wonderful to relive, and looked gorgeous on my giant HDTV. Absolutely perfect bit of nostalgia.

Shovel Knight (3DS) – I played Shovel Knight again. Surprise, surprise. But I did play New Game+ this time, which is v difficult.

Continue reading Monthend Video Game Wrap-Up – January 2017

Some mouldy thoughts

I’m about all blogged out after that massive Top 12 thing, but I feel like I need to do some follow-up on Resident Evil 7. After completing that article, I basically spent all of yesterday playing it, except for a few hours that I devoted to catching up on episodes of Nintendo News Report. Needless to say, I have far more things to say about it now.

First of all, it’s become apparent that yes, this is definitely a Resident Evil game. It doesn’t adhere strictly to the classic formula, opting instead to continually shift the pacing to keep you on your toes. In general, you’re shuttled between several large areas to explore as different levels or chapters, but you have a certain amount of freedom to move around the entire property as you see fit. It’s not like RE4 where each area gets locked off once you move on to the next chapter.

So, I think the best comparison is RE3? I don’t really know, as that is my least favourite of the original trilogy.

Continue reading Some mouldy thoughts

The Top 12 Video Games of 2016

“Why” you ask, “did you choose to list twelve games?”

The answer is simple. Because sixteen (for 2016) seemed too many, and ten is too cliché.

“But doing a Top X Things of Year list is in itself too cliché!”

Shut up!

(You should know my Top Video Games rules by now: Any game that I beat in 2016 is fair game, regardless of what year it was actually released in. No remakes or remasters allowed.)

Continue reading The Top 12 Video Games of 2016

You can’t spell Escape without Ape

I completed Ape Escape 2 last weekend. Well, “completed.” I’m going for the platinum trophy, you see, and the game asks you to beat it twice for that. Which is a little ridiculous.

Let’s back up a bit, though. Ape Escape 2 asks you to tromp through its levels and used a variety of gadgets to find and capture all the monkeys that are running rampant. It’s kinda like Super Mario 64 if Super Mario 64’s stages were oversized loops and the power stars would run away and shoot homing missiles at you. So, much more aggravating than Super Mario 64.

Anyway, when you visit a stage, you only have to catch X of Y monkeys to clear it and move on. At which point you’re booted back out to the level select menu. So your (my) gut instinct is to jump back in and snatch up the remaining monkeys. Now, sometimes, certain monkeys are behind barriers that you can only pass once you get a particular gadget. So you collect all your toys and then go back to collect all the monkeys. Super.

What’s curious, though, is that the stages say “cleared” while the boss stages say “perfectly cleared.” Hmmm.

Then you get to the end of the game and defeat the final boss. Hooray! But if you load up your save file again, you’ll be told that OOPS guess he’s back on the loose and also there are now more monkeys in every stage! Hope you didn’t go back to collect them all already! If you did, hope you enjoy exploring each stage a third time!

Yes, I know, Super Mario 64 makes you play each course six times. But those stages are typically smaller, wide-open playgrounds, rather than big, long tubes. Each star usually has you going to different parts of the level, and most levels change depending on which star you select. Super Mario 64 encourages and rewards exploration, and it’s fun. Mario can get nearly everywhere with his basic moveset, and anywhere he can’t get to, there’s always a nearby cap to help. Whereas in Ape Escape, you’re just following your radar down the tube, being slowed down by having to constantly stop to switch out and use gadgets. Going through a level multiple times feels more like work than play.

But that’s still not the end. Once you capture all 299 (!!!) monkeys, you finally get to fight the true final boss. Defeat him, and you’ll earn the ability to start a new game as Spike (or “Kakeru”, because apparently the PS4 release is the European version), the protagonist from the first game, who comes equipped with all the gadgets right from the start. You have to collect all 300 monkeys again as Spike/Kakeru to earn Ape Escape 2’s final trophy. That doesn’t sound too bad!

Ape Escape 2’s last troll, however, is that every stage still has the “collect X of Y monkeys” thing on your second time around, which is suuuuuuuuuuuuper dumb. Even though you start the game with all the tools you need to catch all the monkeys, they still force you to slog through every stage twice. So lame. If that “feature” had been removed for new game+, I wouldn’t have even bothered to write this dumb rant.

So if it bothers me so much, why am I going through all the trouble? Because I’m a masochist and a trophy whore, obviously.

Oh, Ape Escape 2, I wish you were more fun. And also I wish you didn’t have trophies, so I could just not care about all of your bullcrap. This is the last updated PS2 game that I buy!

Mama, Mia!

When I moved back in with mom and dad, it came with a slight change that I didn’t really account for. See, while I used to always get my groceries from Safeway, they live much closer to a Sobey’s. Which, since they’re two heads of the same beast, you wouldn’t think is a big deal. However, Sobey’s bananas are notably inferior to those that Safeway stocks, and just today I learned that the pizza buns at Sobey’s are also pretty terrible.

The obvious solution is to just make the five-minute drive back to Safeway, but I’m far too lazy to do such a thing. I could also just stop buying my own groceries and subsist off the food my parents buy, but where’s the fun in that? Also I don’t want to be a complete mooch. Like, 90% mooch is about where I need to be.

Thanks to all the money I’m saving thanks to that mooching, I bought Resident Evil 7! Hooray!

Honestly… Not totally into it yet! Don’t get me wrong, it’s good, but it’s been a very slow burn so far. In the three-ish hours that I’ve played, there have been exactly two enemies, and both of them were bosses. Or, I don’t know. This game is so different than usual that maybe they weren’t bosses. Maybe that’s just how normal enemies are now. Anyway, exploring the backwoods farmhouse has been equal parts fun, disgusting, and tense. There doesn’t seem to be any indication for sure if you’re being stalked or not, so you’re pretty much sailing around on intuition and hopes that you aren’t unexpectedly ambushed. Although you will constantly be unexpectedly ambushed, because that’s apparently RE7’s thing.

Other notes so far…

I got a trophy for beginning the game. How stupid.

There are bobblehead figures scattered about for you to destroy. I can’t help but see Vault Boy when I look at them, even though they don’t really look all that similar.

The game begins with your character on a rescue mission. So far this is the only thing that RE7 has in common with RE4.

Those two bosses were hard. Died multiple times to each. Because they can catch up to you and hit you while you’re running away, and it’s very hard to bait their attacks and dodge successfully.

I have no idea where the story is going. But this family of evil hillbillies can’t support the entire game. Right?

The last thing I did before saving and quitting was collect an emblem that unlocked a big, ornate (and completely out-of-place) door. So this is definitely still Resident Evil on some level.

Capcom still can’t animate faces worth a damn.

Can you do a “Year of Something” twice?

I ask because it’s looking like 2017 is going to be another Year of Nintendo 64.

In the last two weeks, I have purchased three N64 games on Wii U Virtual Console. Strange, right? I know.

For the record, the only one I bought at full price is F-Zero X. Pokémon Snap and Star Fox 64 I already owned on Wii, so it was just the little “add save states and controller configuration” upgrade fee for those two.

I’ve also been eyeing up Excitebike 64 for some time now, and it’s a bummer that Wayne Gretzky’s 3D Hockey will never appear on VC because for some reason I am really jonesing for some wacky arcade hockey action.

Hm. This might… this might actually happen…

Drakengard 3 – The twistening

Hey all. Against all odds, I am sticking to my guns, and still playing Drakengard 3. While the opening hours were a little bland and the trademark Drakengard insanity had only reached “silly” on the bonkersometer, I forged ahead, undeterred by mediocrity.

And it’s begun to pay off! But we’ll get to that in just a moment. First: gameplay. It hasn’t changed much. In addition to the swords that you begin with, I have unlocked spear and bracer weapon classes. Spears are kind of garbage, as they don’t cut a nice, wide swath like swords do, and it’s difficult to connect with enemies if you aren’t locked on. This is in stark contrast to NieR, where the Phoenix Spear was my weapon of choice for nearly the entire game. Bracers, on the other hand, are super fun, as they let you combo a whole bunch of hits really fast. That, and punching guys just feels right, you know?

I also learned that blocking is a thing. And like most games of this style, you can parry attacks if you block just before they land. Unfortunately, enemies are kind of hard to read, which makes parries even more difficult to perform than in, oh, let’s say Dark Souls. Also, Zero has crazy long recovery lag after attacks (even worse with spears), making it nearly impossible to time a block properly in the middle of an attack combo. As a result, I basically haven’t been blocking at all, relying mostly on the dash as my defence strategy. So essentially, I’ve been playing Drakengard 3 the same way I play Monster Hunter. Only Zero’s dash doesn’t have any invincibility frames, so it’s not terribly effective on large enemies with wider attack ranges.

I think the best way to describe Drakengard 3’s combat is ” like Hyrule Warriors but slower.” But it’s still a heck of a lot faster than the combat in the original Drakengard.

Luckily, the game isn’t all hack-n-slash. It also has a handful of stages in which you ride around on Mikhail and blast fools with fireballs. The missions that still technically take place on the ground (All-Range Mode, if you will) are a little janky, as you have to manage Mikhail’s altitude by flapping his wings now and then. It’s a little more involved than other air combat games where you have the privilege of consistent propulsion. Missions in the sky proper are a lit more fun, as they’re basically just less interesting Star Fox levels. It’s on-rails, and you just blast everything out of the sky. No obstacles, no wingmen, no power-ups. It may actually be more akin to Galaga than Star Fox, to be honest.

What surprised me the most about Drakengard 3 so far is that it has a very overt sense of humour. The first game and NieR may have had their moments, but were typically played very straight. D3 takes every opportunity to make a joke, whether it be the soldiers freaking out about being slaughtered, or Zero and her companions trash talking back and forth. Though, in the latter case, whenever a companion character takes a jab at Zero, her response is usually “You wanna die?”

Zero and Mikhail also have a very weird relationship, wherein she is like a very abusive mother towards the immature dragon. There is a touch of love buried deep beneath the insults that Zero is constantly slinging at Mikhail. And while Mikhail does question Zero’s motives, he always follows her orders and tries to do his best in an effort to earn her respect. It’s very entertaining just to listen to the banter between the two. Criticize the game all you like for its awkward gameplay and last-gen graphics, but it’s got some excellent writing.

There are also the hilarious hijinks that ensure during cutscenes, like when Zero kills Five and the screen switches over to a censor card stating “this content has been deemed inappropriate for pretty much everyone” while Z stabs her sister repeatedly. Or the time where Zero and Dito are crushed by an avalanche and a “The End” screen pops up, only for Zero to burst out of the snow shouting “I’ll decide when it’s the end!” while Dito turns to the camera and shrugs. As a fan of comedy, Drakengard 3’s sense of humour is very welcome, especially since it stands in such stark contrast to the ultra-violent and otherwise horrific content of the rest of the game.

Speaking of which! It’s time to see what makes Drakengard 3 completely bonkers!

So, after the prologue, Zero was severly injured, having lost an arm. The arm was replaced with a metal prosthetic, which is apparently controlled by a parasite that attaches to the wearer’s body. Gross. But what’s more, Zero also mysteriously started growing a flower out of her right eye. A flower with what sort of looks like the butt end of a syringe sticking out of the middle. We get no information on this weird flower until halfway through chapter 2, where Zero’s other arm is chomped off by a wayward Cerberus head. Zero is about to collapse and die when the flower suddenly blows up to super-size. Then, a bloody had shoots out if it, and pulls out… a fully-formed clone of Zero, complete with the arm that just got bitten off, covered in nothing but buckets and buckets of blood. Calling this scene grotesque may be underselling it a little.

And that’s more or less been it as far as actual shockers go. There’s the rather explicit implications that Zero is banging her companions, which isn’t weird in itself. But when she recruits Decadus, she orders him to “Clean yourself up. Front and back. We meet tonight.” to which his eyes widen in fear and his voice beings trembling as he complies. At one point, Dito asks if Mikhail and Zero have slept together, completely serious. Mikhail, of course, is incredibly naïve and has no idea what Dito is really asking. I can’t decide whether the exchange is hilarious or disturbing. Probably both.

So that’s pretty much the extent of my impressions as far as the end of Chapter Two. Stay tuned for more, maybe!

Start the countdown clock!

You know, I was so distracted by other things going on that I totally forgot to mention the most exciting news from last weekend: I pre-ordered my Switch!

I meant that in that it’s exciting for me. I know you aren’t excited. Or maybe you are, because online pre-orders for the thing sold out in 20 minutes. I tried to get one, but the EB Games website was so choked up that I couldn’t get my order in. Given that there are less than two months until launch, I didn’t think they would offer any more pre-orders. So I spent the rest of the day despondent and wondering what would be the most painless way to end my life.

But then! I got a text from my brother; he had gone to the mall after work, and they were still taking pre-orders there! So I anxiously hopped on the bus after work and took what seemed like the slowest ride in the history of everything. When I finally arrived, I ran from the bus stop to the mall, too anxious to worry that it was -40 outside.

I stepped into EB with my fingers crossed and wearily asked the man if they were still taking pre-orders. He replied “I’m pretty sure we still have a few” and dug out the allocation sheet from under the counter. “Do you want the grey one or colour?” My heart skipped a beat. I would have been happy to have any Switch, but the Switch with the colourful joy-cons was the top prize. And I got the very last one! Hooray!

I literally only ever have good luck when it comes to getting video game machines, but that’s good enough for me. I’ve got my priorities straight, all right.

The story isn’t quite over yet, because EB has over-sold and cancelled pre-orders in the past, so my Switch isn’t 100% guaranteed until it’s in my hands. But I feel like this isn’t going to be an NES Classic Mini situation, and that Nintendo will pump out enough units to satisfy demand. It’s probably going to be okay. Worst case scenario, EB cancels my pre-order, and I get to have a fun camping adventure in front of Toys R Us on Switch Day Eve.

Drakengard 3 – The beginnening

I didn’t buy a Playstation 3 just for Drakengard 3 (that would have been silly), but it was the first exclusive game that made me really want a PS3. Fortunately I was able to adopt the console for the low, low price of free, and then I bought Drak3, and then I… didn’t play it for like two years. Oops!

But now, I am playing it! Time to get m’self up to speed before NieR: Automata drops. I mean, they’re only very loosely related so it’s not like it really matters, but I still feel like I ought to play through this game that I was desperately excited for before I start up the next game that I’m desperately excited for.

Before I even started up the game, I logged into the Playstation Store to check out the DLC options, as I knew there were add-ons for extra chapters. While I was ready to go ahead and buy them sight unseen, I decided to wait and see how the base game turned out before dropping another $30. It turned out that you can’t play the extra chapters until the main story is cleared anyway.

There are also costumes and music packs to purchase. The costumes are all of characters from the previous Drakengard games and NieR, and they also actually affect gameplay! But, they’re $4 each, and that’s a little too steep. Even though I could be running around dressed as Kainé or Nier (albeit the inferior “brother” Nier). Even though I don’t know exactly what it does, I did drop $3 on the NieR BGM pack, which adds three remixed NieR tracks to the game. Where? Not sure yet! But they sure are cool mixes. Wish I could put ’em on my phone somehow so I could listen to them whenever I like!

The game starts with “protagonist” Zero and her dragon partner Michael (not a good name for a dragon) assaulting a fortress, with the express intent of murdering Zero’s five sisters. Apparently they’re all legendary angels, but I don’t really know what that’s about. Gameplay is very basic hack-n-slash business in the intro. Hopefully it’s just keeping it simple for now, but if the previous Drakengard games are any indication…

After mowing through countless soldiers, who bleed as if they’re literally just huge bags of blood, you finally meet up with the sisters. And then a massive four-on-one boss fight ensues. It’s not hard because Zero is nigh invulnerable, but it can be tricky to keep your sights locked on to any one girl for long. Once they all give up, One, who appears to be the de facto leader of the group, summons her own dragon pet, Gabriel (oooh I get it now). You fight Gabe for a bit, then he blasts Zero’s left arm clean off and presumably kills Michael. The pair tumble into a chasm and we jump a year into the future.

Zero, to this point, doesn’t seem like much of hero. We have no idea what’s going on in the plot so far, and her only justification for attempting to murder her sisters is that she wants to be the only magical angel lady (or “Intoner” as the game calls them). She is also not very appropriately dressed, but this isn’t surprising, because Taro Yoko very obviously has some issues with women. Her outfit isn’t quite as skimpy as Kainé’s lingerie, but it’s not very much better. In fact, I sort of regret having purchased the game at a real store, because the checkout girl that seemed happy to help me at first took one look at the cover and shot me a look that told me she’d decided that I must be some sort of weird pervert.

But Zero is definitely a badass. She’s got a short temper and a foul mouth, and has got the skills to back it up. The way she flies around the screen, slicing her enemies to ribbons, is very cool. Actually, she is basically just Kainé, if Kainé was a murderous psychopath instead of a grumpy hermit. Her temperament is much more like that of Caim, the hero from the first Drakengard. Which I greatly approve of, if only because his characterization in The Dark Id’s LP was amazing.

An I make it sound worse than it really is when I call Zero a psychopath. Because every single character in Drakengard is on the psychopath spectrum, and it looks like D3 is following suit. Except for Mikhail, Zero’s baby dragon buddy who is apparently a reincarnated version of Michael. Mikhail is constantly asking Zero why she wants to kill everyone instead of just talking it out and trying to resolve their issues. He’s a naive little dude that dislikes violence, but follows Zero around anyway. It actually seems like he belongs more in the NieR branch of the series than Drakengard.

Anyway, the game hasn’t made much of an impression yet, but these things are often pretty unassuming from the start. Gameplay is snappy but uninspired, graphics are not the best the PS3 has to show, and the story hasn’t gotten twisted at all. But that’s after just the prologue and two levels into chapter one. It may take a while before it really opens up and goes coo coo bananas. There have been a couple shocking scenes, but nothing on the level of the Grotesqueries yet.

Stay tuned to maybe read some more about this wacky game!