Moooooo…. Braaaaainsss…..

Ha ha! I am not dead! Just got a little delayed due to some unexpected time constraints. Anyway, I just got back from the cottage, which is a perfectly good excuse for the lateness of this here posty.

Now as I was saying. Destroy All Humans. A decent game to say the least. While I had originally preceived it as an extraterrestrial version of Grand Theft Auto, I was somewhat surprised to find that it’s not entirely the same. First of all, it’s obviously a different context, and killing is a lot more fun when you’re an alien with psychokinetic powers and a vast array of alien weapons to put the hurt on them with. The game itself is set way back in the fifty-somethings, and as far as TV has taught me, is pretty much faithful to the era. People are hicks, Elvis is still relatively unknown, and communism is the number one cause of everything bad. The story is a pretty nifty one. You’re this Furon alien dude, Crypto, and your species has a bit of a problem. See, they’ve relied on cloning to propogate the species for so long, and now their DNA is going stale and they’re getting dumber by the generation. So your task is to visit Earth and enslave the human populace to steal their precious DNA, because it contains a little Furon DNA for ages ago when the Furons landed on Earth and did a little mating. A bit messed, but it’s great as far as alien attack stories go.

The game’s idea is similar to that of the GTA, but you’re confined to levels, rather than a huge city to explore. Fear not though, you crazy GTA fanatics, as the levels are pretty huge and will each take at least half an hour to fully explore. Also, your missions are handed out to you on the mothership, instead of finding them among the various levels. But other than that, you’re pretty much free to roam to your heart’s content and cause as much havoc as you desire. You can’t steal cars or anything, but you do get to pilot a flying saucer, and that almost more than makes up for the lack of driving. Obviously, you’ll be spending most of your time on foot, and the game gives you several great ways to torture the humans. Crypto is equipped with four main weapons: the Zap-O-Matic (obvious), the Desintegrator Ray (obvious), the Ion Detonator (think remote mines), and best of all, the Anal Probe. All have their charms, and all are a bunch of fun to play around with. But the best weapon against the humans is easily PK. Crypto can pick up pretty much anything (once the required upgrades are purchased) and swing it around, bash stuff with it, or just huck it at people. You’ll have a lot of fun probing and ionizing humans, but the real good stuff lies in simply flinging them around like dolls.

There are some sweet unlockables in the game too. While one set of said extras are unlocked by scouring the maps for alien probes (think hidden packages), others are opened to you by simply playing through the game. Most of them are promotional movies or artwork, but there are two videos that really stand out from the rest. First off: Plan 9 From Outer Space. Sadly, they only included the first 15 minutes or so (haven’t actually seen the whole movie) and it could have been absolutely amazing, but is only a little amazing because it’s only an extended clip. The film is notorious among pretty much everyone who likes a good cheese flick, and is commonly referred to as the worst movie ever made. From what I saw though, I’m sure the rest would have been hilarious. Anyhow, the second sweet video almost makes up for the skimping on Plan 9. Ever heard of “Teenagers From Outer Space?” Neither had I, but all two-and-something hours of it are there to be watched, should you complete the game. It’s a horrible movie, and I loved it. I’d rent DAH again just so that I could take screencaps and review it. And you should find some way to watch it, and Plan 9 as well.

To sum it all up, Destroy All Humans is a great game. It’s fun to just screw around and wreak havoc on Earth, and doesn’t get boring after half an hour like the GTA games. Some of the missions are actually pretty tough, and hunting for the probes will probably take you forever without the aid of a map. Production values are great (the dude who voiced Zim does one of the main characters) and the fact that it contains an entire movie is certainly a plus. It’s a rental for sure. If you like it, pick it up. Hell, I’d consider buying it just for Teenagers From Outer Space. Man I want to watch that movie again.


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