TE on E3

I haven’t really been into E3 the last few years. Less free time is probably a factor, but also I no longer spend every day with a group of people who are also interested (re: the high school clique). I find myself considerably less excited about video game things when I don’t have people to be excited about video game things with.

That said, I’ve generally just followed Nintendo’s E3 stuff this year, which should surprise nobody. I read about the Xbox SmartGlass thingy and couldn’t care less, and I have no idea what Sony’s up to besides that half-hearted Super Smash Bros rip-off. I really couldn’t care either. I play video games because I like Mario and Zelda. I used to like MegaMan too, but they don’t make those anymore.

I managed to get myself pretty pumped up for the big Nintendo press conference, so much so that I actually took a really early lunch break so I could watch it live on my phone. It wasn’t a terribly exciting show overall, but it served it’s purpose: I want to buy a Wii U more now than I did last week. I love the things they’re doing with the GamePad. Asymmetrical gameplay is neat, but not really new for dedicated Nintendo fans (that’s yet another story). I’m much more interested in the way it’s going to be used as a physical inventory manager or sniper scope or TV remote.

Regarding the most controversial part of the presentation, I’m not really that excited about Nintendo Land. Sure, it looks neat, but I’m more of a solo gamer. If it’s packed in with the Wii U I’ll spend time with it, but if it’s sold separately I’ll likely pass. Wii Sports was revolutionary enough that I would have purchased a copy, this seems less so. And Nintendo already has a great game that unites their franchises: it’s called Super Smash Bros.

Obviously I’m going to buy Zombi U. I bought Dead Island, didn’t I?

For some reason, I just don’t feel the passion for new 2D Marios anymore, but I’ll definitely get New Super Mario Bros U. At the very least, I’ll be able to get Stephanie to play with me, and we had an absolute blast with NSMB Wii. I’m less sold on NSMB2, but it’s Mario, so it’s going to be good and I’m going to buy it. Might be a little disappointing after the stellar Super Talking Time Bros 2 though.

Paper Mario: Sticker Star looks great, and I’m sure I’ll adore it when it launches, but I’m just not really interested yet. Maybe I’ll have to go back and play The Thousand Year Door again to remind me how good these are.

Project P-100 and Tank! Tank! Tank! both look like a ton of fun, but seem as if they might wear thin pretty quickly (much like Custom Robo). Online multiplayer would probably be necessary to justify a purchase. We’ll have to see how robust they are before making any real judgement.

Bit.Trip Runner 2? EXCITED!

I really wanted to, but couldn’t really get into Epic Mickey, so I’ll likely pass on the sequels. Sorry, Warren Spector. I know you did your best, and I respect that. It just didn’t click for me. Goes for Scribblenauts Unlimited. I am behind these games 100% in theory, but I just didn’t have enough fun with them to back that up with dollars.

I’ve been sold on Darksiders II since before it was announced. I enjoyed the first one enough to play it twice in a row – a very rare occurrence. Luigi’s Mansion is another game to bear that distinction. It may be because it was the only GameCube game I owned for about a month, but I also really liked it! I hope the sequel launches before Christmas.

I like the idea that the new Tomb Raider might release on Wii U, because I like what I’ve read about it so far. As for any other 3rd party offerings I haven’t mentioned yet? I probably don’t care about them. Although Assassin’s Creed III may be the first game in the series that I play because I dig the American Revolution setting.

The two big games for me are the ones that led the two big Nintendo shows. On Wii U, it’s Pikmin 3. I could play Pikmin over and over again forever if there weren’t so many other games that deserve my attention. It’s a short game, but who cares? It’s super fun! My secret shame is that I still haven’t finished Pikmin 2… the perfectionist in me won’t accept Pikmin losses to anything but boss monsters, and so I inevitably lose focus while trying to savescum my way through its deadly, deadly caverns. I’ll get there some day. There isn’t enough information on Pikmin 3 yet to be excited about it for any reason other than it’s Pikmin 3 and its beautiful HD graphics. I really would love to type more words about it, but there’s not much else to say. Maybe a speculative post in the near future.

In my 3DS’ future is Castlevania: Lords of Shadow: Mirror of Fate. The title could use a little pruning, but the game looks amazing! Lords of Shadow combat and story with Symphony of the Night exploration? Assuming it plays as nicely as it sounds, this could very well be the perfect video game for me. If you’ve played those two games and aren’t excited about what looks like a mash-up of the two, there’s something seriously wrong with you. You really should get that checked out ASAP. It’s probably cancer eating the “good taste” part of your brain. Seriously, talk to your doctor.

If there’s one thing I’m sad I didn’t see, it’s either of the Monster Hunter games for 3DS. I will be broken-hearted if they are destined to remain exclusive to Japan. If the 3DS weren’t so damn region-locked, I would import them and learn Japanese so I could play them. That’s how much I love Monster Hunter. Then again, MH4 isn’t even out in Japan yet, so we’re going to be playing the waiting game for a while anyway.

That’s about it. I’m sure there’s something I forgot to mention, but if I forgot it, it probably wasn’t that impressive in the first place. Now the real question is how I’m going to be able to afford (in both time and dollars) to play all of these games.

Good job, zombie arm!

The woman and I went to see The Cabin in the Woods last weekend. Perhaps you’ve seen the trailer? It’s the one where it starts out looking like just another slasher flick, but then a bird crashes into an invisible wall of future-technology and explodes into a fireball. Maybe there’s something more to this…

Since I love cheesy slasher flicks, the interest was already there for me. But then there’s the fact that there’s a whole other level there that we don’t really know anything about, and also it’s written by Joss Whedon and Drew Goddard? Effin’ sign me up, man! I did read a (very convincing) review in the paper on the Friday too, which at that point was just preaching to the choir.

The Cabin in the Woods was even better than I’d hoped for, and might even beat out Drag Me to Hell as my favourite “horror” movie. If you’ll recall, I really liked Drag Me to Hell. I’d have to watch them both again, but regardless, they’re both amazing films, and I heartily recommend them both. That’s a little too straight to the point though; let’s talk a little more about The Cabin in the Woods.

The movie is played off in the trailer as a pretty generic slasher flick, where four sexy teens and Topher from Dollhouse head off to a creepy, secluded cabin in the woods for a weekend getaway. Does that sound like a million other movies? Yeah, a little.  But there is a second plot! It involves professionally-dressed men (and Whiskey from Dollhouse!) in some kind of fancy complex monitoring and ever-so-slightly controlling the fates of our cabin-goers. It’s not a spoiler, because it becomes apparent that this is happening within the first half-hour of the film.

Eventually the stories truly intertwine, and we see that they’re two sides of the same coin, equal parts of a bigger picture. This is still sounding a little generic, but there’s a lot of subtext here, and the whole movie is really one big deconstruction of the horror/slasher genre. But all pretension aside, what matters at the end of the day is that The Cabin in the Woods is hilarious. Sometimes in a tongue-in-cheek way, sometimes ironically, and most of the time very blatantly.

This is a movie about making fun of other movies, and it is a beautiful thing. You know all those terrible [Genre] Movie parodies that are terrible and should be forgotten from human history? The Cabin in the Woods is exactly what those movies wish they could be. It is poking fun at many, many other movies, but not doing it with an endless stream of references and fart jokes. The closest thing to a reference in this movie is… ah, I don’t really want to spoil it. But I will say that there are a couple short scenes that will leave Hellraiser fans grinning. Anyway, The Cabin in the Woods is funny and very smart, but it’s not inaccessible, which is what puts it head and shoulders above pretty much every other parody ever.

The Cabin in the Woods even spends a lot of time satirizing the people who go to the kind of movie it’s ripping on. Yeah, me. And that’s cool. There’s an element of reality TV parody here too, and I found it to be much more entertaining than the other movie doing that, The Hunger Games. But that’s another story entirely.

So again, The Cabin in the Woods is great. Go see it, and be ready for copious amounts of hilarity and blood. Also a unicorn.

The rain won’t let up

I have finished Silent Hill: Downpour twice now. One more run and I’ll be part of the 1000/1000 club. You may have gotten the impression that I really liked the game last time I talked about it, and to that end, you’d be right. It’s exactly what a Silent Hill game should be: creepy, atmospheric, mysterious, and mind-bending. It has all the best qualities of a classic-style survival horror game, but cuts off most of the cruft to make it a more brisk, enjoyable game.

There are, however, a few downsides. Pobody’s nerfect, and the Vatra team is no exception to that rule. They did a really excellent job for a relatively inexperienced studio, but there are a few things that made my playtime less than optimal. The most obvious flaw with Downpour is the horrible, horrible lag. On my first run it wasn’t really an issue until I was wrapping up a few side quests near the end. Because I was taking my time and looking into every nook and cranny, the game had more than enough time to get everything loaded up and keep the framerate at a decent level. Only when I started motoring back and forth across town did I start to notice that the engine was having a lot of trouble keeping up with me, and things got really choppy. My second playthrough was even worse, because I was basically gunning it to wherever I needed to be next, and that is apparently not how you’re supposed to play. I worry about how my third run will go, since it’s essentially going to be a speed run to pop the last three cheevos.

The other thing that really got under my skin is that there’s only one save file. I’m not such an obsessive gamer that I save over multiple files in one run, but I do like to have more than one save on hand at times. Especially since there is a point of no return near the end of the game. Aside from that though, there isn’t really a need to have more than one save in this game, but I’d like to have the option available so that I could say, have a save game that leads right into the joke ending. Downpour is also the type of game that auto-saves. And it only auto-saves. There are checkpoints everywhere, and even if there isn’t an obvious one around, you can always go into a building to save. I feel like it would just be a lot more convenient to have a button on the menu to save though. Is it really that hard? The auto-save slavery still beats having to find an actual save point, I guess.

Aside from the framerate issue, these are very minor complaints though. Having multiple save slots and a manual save option would be nice, but the game works fine without them.  Other than that, I am pleased as punch with Downpour. The sentiment doesn’t seem to be too popular with the rest of the internet, but nuts to those guys. Vatra took Silent Hill in a great direction, and Tomm Hulett is most definitely still in my good books for the work he’s done with the franchise. Here’s hoping that the next one is just as good.

Yeah, that room

This is a “hidden” area in Silent Hill: Downpour. It is also the best hidden room in the history of ever. There really isn’t much to it, just a medkit and a handgun, but I think the fact that it’s there is good enough. I’ll admit that I would have liked maybe a ghost or two, or to have been able to enter the other rooms of the apartment, but what can you do?

The lack of interactivity is a bit of a missed opportunity, but at least they did a really good job on the detail. The living room table is missing, but I knew where I was immediately. They even included Henry’s loafers!

(Cheat sheet for idiots: It’s the apartment from Silent Hill 4: The Room)

When it rains, it downpours

In celebration of my fancy new promotion, Stephanie (who is the best, BTW) bought me Silent Hill: Downpour. I think I was pretty clear about how much I loved Shattered Memories, so it shouldn’t be too shocking that I was a little wary when the first details for Downpour hit.

The game was being developed for 360 and PS3, which sounded to me like a death knoll for Shattered Memories’ style, which focused almost entirely on exploration and atmosphere. Then came the guns, which meant that combat was back; combat has never been more than “acceptable” in Silent Hill games, and is usually much, much worse. I was immediately awash with fears of the game being produced with a “hey PS3 blood and guns derp derp” mentality.

Fortunately, I couldn’t have been more wrong. I’m only a quarter of the way through the game, so I’m not sure how things are going to roll out, but so far I’m really enjoying it. Downpour actually does feel a lot like Shattered Memories in most ways. The flashlight mechanic is less prominent here because you have to manage weapons as well as illumination, but it’s still an important part of gameplay. The single (playable) Otherworld section I’ve been in was a mix of puzzle solving and running from an undefeatable enemy. Otherworld transitions are unexpected and visually interesting (I do miss the ice though).

Downpour carries on the Silent Hill tradition of shallow, janky combat. The biggest improvement here is the ability to block, which is way overdue. I don’t know, maybe Origins and/or Homecoming allowed your character to block; I haven’t really played either. But yeah, blocking isn’t going to change the whole game, but it does make monster encounters more managable.

The monsters are also apparently affected by the weather. A loading screen tooltip that came up once said they come out in greater numbers and are more aggressive when the rain is really coming down. I haven’t witnessed a heavy rain yet, but I was surprised at how some of them will elect to run away when the rain stops. Monsters located inside always seem to be equally aggressive, but I suppose that makes a certain amount of sense.

The world is an interesting kind of hybrid of open and linear design. Another Silent Hill staple, now that I think of it. The first couple areas do a fairly good job of herding you forward, but give some nice rewards for exploring off the beaten path. Once you actually make it into the town, you’re given a bit more choice in where you want to go. Between locked doors and blocked/crumbled roads, Silent Hill still tries to push you in the direction of the next plot point, but you can run around town pretty freely. Another tooltip that I saw hinted at a subway system that might allow me to get around town faster, which has me wondering exactly how big Silent Hill is this time around.

One of my favourite things about the game so far is that it has side quests. Yeah, honest-to-God side quests in a “survival horror” game. I use quotation marks because survival horror isn’t really a genre in video games anymore. But anyway, side quests! I’ve only done two at this point: one rewarded me with copious amounts of bullets, I don’t think the other had any reward besides the satisfaction of doing a good deed.

The other thing about Downpour that I’m really digging is that it is terrifying. It might have less to do with the game being scary and more to do with the fact that I’m playing it the correct way. I knew nothing about the game before launch aside from what was shown in the very first trailer; I didn’t even know it was released until I haphazardly noticed it on a store shelf. Also, I’ve been playing it alone in the dark. The right atmosphere mixed with not having a clue what’s going to happen next is exhiliarating in the most horrifying way.

Suffice it to say, I am leaning on the radio static (which signals monster presence) more than I ever have before in a Silent Hill game. Somehow though, monsters are still managing to get the drop on me and catch me off-guard.

It’s not as scary now that I’ve learned how most of the monsters act and what the rules of the game are, but those first few hours were something else. The tension remains high because you really never know what’s going to happen next. I’m currently making my way through a library section of a tower, and there’s this… ghost, I guess that keeps randomly pushing stuff over and giggling. It’s nothing new to the horror genre, but it’s spooky as all heck when you’re not expecting it. There was another related event that actually made me jump out of my chair, but the game is still fairly new so I’ll avoid any more spoilers for now.

So Silent Hill: Downpour is pretty great. I’m not sure if I like it more than either of the Silent Hills that star Harry Mason (Silent Hill Play Novel not included), but it’s definitely my favourite SH game otherwise. You done good, Konami. You done good.

Forget fingerpaints

There are more than a few vacant cells in Arkham Asylum that have random things painted on the walls. By the time you notice the Riddler’s cell, it’s nothing new. Only, instead of handprints, his cell is marked in footprints? That’s slightly more unsettling and far more unexpected. Props to you, Rocksteady Games, for making even the little details in Batman: Arkham Asylum really awesome. I hope Arkham City has the same level of creativity.

(Did he draw all the question marks with his toes?)

Rivet City ransom

Continuing my trek through the capital wasteland of Fallout 3, I finally reached Rivet City last night. As I’d suspected though, getting there was not just a leisurely stroll along the coast.

I set off from the Brotherhood of Steel’s Citadel to take a bridge over the river. Upon approaching the bridge, I spied a raider chilling in some wreckage. I dispatched her, and just as I was about to ascend the collapse end of the bridge, a huge explosion went off. I had no idea what caused it, but was startled enough to stand still and survey the area for any more raiders that might be trying to explode me. It was lucky that I stopped too, because two more explosions followed shortly after, and they were exactly where I would have been had I kept moving. The area was free of any more attackers, so I wrote it off as ghosts and pressed on.

On the other side of the bridge I found a peddler who tried to rip me off and a small encampment of raiders. I relieved them of their heads and proceeded to loot their base.

Moving farther south along the coast, I came upon the Jefferson Memorial, which was fairly heavily guarded by super mutants. These were the garden variety, and it was here that I learned that my combat shotgun was by far my most effective means of dispatching super mutants. This was a great discovery not only because super mutants take way too long to deal with otherwise, but also because by this point I was hauling around well over 600 shotgun shells.

I went the long way around the memorial, and coming up on the entrance to the aircraft carrier known as Rivet City, I noticed a super mutant outpost across the square. Me and my shotgun cleared the mutants out, looted the place, and were even able to rescue a hostage.

Finally reaching Rivet City, I started exploring the ship and meeting the inhabitants. In the science lab I completed one mission by telling some dopey white-collar that I’d found the corpse of an android he’d been hunting. I also picked up a fourth bobblehead for my collection back in Megaton.

While I was there, I also made the mistake of talking to Dr. Li, which sort of broke the game. There’s an achievement for each quest in the game, and my next story-relevant quest was to go to Galaxy News Radio to find my father. The stop after that would be to visit Dr. Li in Rivet City, and since I skipped the GNR bit, the game wrote off the rest of the quest and didn’t give me the achievement. Load game.

I continued exploring the ship, causing trouble and helping the inhabitants as I went. I broke into many locked rooms and computer terminals, but never stole anything. I made a hefty donation to the church to bolster my good karma, and helped a young couple get married. I bought a bunch of ammo and talked to a few people about their problems, but couldn’t find any ways to resolve a few of the situations. Eventually I met the aunt of the orphaned boy that had originally inspired my trek to Rivet City, and she happily agreed to take him in. 330XP. Nice.

Checking the list of unresolved quests on my Pip-Boy, I noticed that I had agreed to enslave a man named Flak who lived in Rivet City. He was one of the local arms dealers, so I figured it would be best to get him alone in his room to capture him with as little fuss as possible. I broke into his quarters and waited in a dark corner for the duration of a day. He never came in, so I figured it was time to try something new.

I snuck into the Rivet City marketplace, and quietly moved into place behind Flak’s stall. He was lounging on a couch, and I was hidden from everyone’s sight in the shadows. I pulled out my mesmetron, which would put him into a submissive state so that I could get him to willingly put on a slave collar. The mesmetron’s blast just made him aggressive at first, and he shot up his partner before going into the stupor I was waiting for. I made my move and collared him, but apparently the other citizens didn’t like that very much, and as Flak ran off to a life of slavery in Paradise Falls, the rest of the Rivet City dwellers pulled out their weapons and proceeded to ventilate me. Load game.

I figured that my business wasn’t something I’d be able to do in a populated area, so I tried following Flak around until he went up to higher deck where nobody else was present. I zapped him with the mesmetron and he turned violent and shot at me for a bit. After dodging his bullets for long enough, he  became passive and I collared him. He ran off to Paradise Falls again, and I waited a bit, double-checking the area to make sure nobody knew what was going on. I left Rivet City, and the guards posted at the entrance apparently had deduced what I’d done and unloaded into me. Load game.

I decided at that point to give up on Flak until I’d completed all of my business at Rivet City. Once there was nothing left for me in the ship it wouldn’t matter if the inhabitants wanted me dead. I left and pursued a new quest that I’d gotten from a mercenary in Underworld: to find and save the rest of her group who were pinned down on a hotel roof.

I’d already found the hospital that was adjacent to the hotel in my prior travels, so getting there wasn’t an issue. The super mutants surrounding the area didn’t put up much of a fight either. I had to get into the hotel via a makeshift bridge from the second floor of the hospital, and that part was quick enough. a Mr. Handy helped me out for a bit, setting all the super mutants and centaurs that got in my way ablaze. Unfortunately, he floated in the way of one of my shotgun blasts and is now lighting super mutants on fire up in robot heaven.

The Statesman Hotel was far more annoying than it needed to be. I battled my way up six or seven floors (I stopped counting after four), and reached the top after an incredibly draining trek. My ammo reserves were eaten up by dozens of super mutant masters, and if the hospital hadn’t been loaded with stimpaks I’d probably be almost out by now. I might even have to go back and search for more later. My new best friend, the combat shotgun, broke about halfway up. That’s been the worst part of it. A combination of my hunting rifle, sawed-off shotgun, and frag mines/grenades don’t work as efficiently as the combat shotgun does.

I sit at the top of the hotel now, the mercenaries I’ve come to help too weary to fight their way back down. They’ve asked me to find a fission battery that they’d seen on the third floor that they can use to repair the hotel’s elevator. I really have no idea how many floors there are in this place, but I’m not looking forward to working my way back down and then all the way back up. I killed every super mutant I met during my first ascension, so hopefully their numbers stay down when I head back in. I’m considering fast-travelling back to Megaton to get my shotgun repaired and then just starting from the hospital again. I’m not sure if this will respawn the super mutants or if my leaving the area will get the mercs killed, but I suppose that’s why there’s a “load game” option.

Either way, I’d better get a boatload of XP for this one.

TE @ C4

It’s gotta be… weeks now since I went to Central Canadian Comic Con. It was cool, I must say. Though I guess I’m not as much of a nerd as I thought it was because it was (local) Nerd Mecca and I wasn’t super-psyched about it. Oh well. I took a few (blurry) pictures while I was there. Everything from Minecraft to papercraft, and even one ass that did not belong in that costume. Actually I took a few pictures of those, but I figured one is enough to prove my point and deleted the rest. Be thankful. There’s an alternate universe where this post is all pictures of asses that shouldn’t be seen by human eyes.

         

         

              

         

         

              

              

         

Dead Island

I’ve recently been spending large chunks of my weekends on Dead Island, and I’ve got pretty mixed feelings about it. For the tl;dr crowd: I like it, and I’m pretty sure that if you like Fallout 3 you’ll find much to enjoy here.

The big thing about Dead Island is that I don’t play first-person shooters very often, but Techland somehow managed to take the handful of recent FPSs that I have played and mash them all together. I haven’t played enough of Fallout 3 (about 25 hours?), and I haven’t seen any more than the cover of New Vegas, but they were quite clearly the base inspiration for Dead Island. It’s an FPS set in a big open(ish) world, where you have to scrounge stuff from everywhere to survive.

Missions are doled out one at a time to further the story, but you can strike out on your own and do as you please (this is how I spent my time with Fallout 3). Along the way, you’ll likely meet up with some people who will give you sidequests. Some will just be crazy and try to kill you. I only encountered only a single homicidal human in the first third of the game, but they become a little more common as you go along.

Like Fallout, your weapons will decay with use and become useless. Well, mostly useless. You can still beat zombies with your blunted cleaver, but it does barely any damage and any special effects (like fire or electricity) are lost. You can repair them for a fee, upgrade them for a few more bucks, and modify weapons to give them special traits once you have the proper blueprints and parts. Armor does not exist though, which is good and bad. Good because you don’t have to constantly stop to repair or find replacements; bad because a handful of zombies can tear your fleshy hide apart right quick.

Where Dead Island really departs from its cousins is in weapon selection. The first area of Dead Island provides melee weapons almost exclusively. It’s great, visceral fun, but in the first dozen or so hours I spent with it, I’d only held two revolvers and about forty bullets. Fallout 3 was fun for me because I could skulk around the landscape with a hunting rifle and pop any enemies before they had a chance. Yeah, ammo was a little more scare than I liked, but at least it was there. Games that force stealth are no fun, but when it’s an option, that’s how I usually play it. It also provided a survival scenario that I could take at my own pace. If I wanted to avoid the mutants, I hike the long way around the mountain or take the shortcut through the cave. Here, the world feels much less open and you rarely have the option to go around zombies. You’re always the hunted, and rarely get to play the hunter.

The big difference between Fallout 3 and Dead Island where maps are concerned is that in Fallout, you have one gigantic map with all sorts of tunnels and buildings to explore. Dead Island is divided into several large areas with no such “dungeons” to find. I definitely would have liked at least a couple segregated areas. There is the hotel and a couple small apartments that take you to separate maps, but those barely count. We’ll have to see what later areas bring. The majority of the buildings are just textured cubes too. A good portion of the cabanas in the resort area have proper interiors, but once you hit the town map you’ll start wondering if all those doors are just painted on.

The game is a lot like Fallout 3, but it’s also coloured with shades of Borderlands and Left 4 Dead. Like those two, Dead Island is intended to be played cooperatively online with other people. The game wouldn’t even let me start at first because it’s set by default to online co-op and I don’t have a gold subscription to Xbox Live. I haven’t spent enough time with Left 4 Dead or its sequel to pass judgement on just how similar Dead Island is to them, but I hear that the “special” zombies on Banoi island bear more than just a passing resemblance to those in Valve’s games.

Borderlands though, I have played quite a bit more of. While it’s not quite as much an influence on Dead Island as Fallout, you can’t ignore the signs. For one, weapons in Dead Island are colour-coded. Yes, it’s a thing in other games too, but the only other one I’ve played that does that is Borderlands. The major difference being that I didn’t see a second-tier weapon for hours in Dead Island, whereas I picked one up on my third or fourth quest in Borderlands.

Another similarity is that random pickups respawn in both of these games. It takes away from the survival aspect (which wasn’t a part of Borderlands anyway), but I feel like it adds to the gameplay. Yes, the aspect of running around with no bullets is thrilling for a little while, but I find that when I run out of weapons, a game that centers around killing is considerably less fun. The old-style Resident Evils play that feature properly: they limit your ammo, but enemies never respawn, so it’s almost a like a puzzle where you have to figure out where your ammo is best spent. If weapons weren’t strewn about so liberally in Dead Island, you’d run out in no time and be stuck running away or punching zombies to death. To give you an idea of how useless punching is in Dead Island, they give you the achievement for killing while unarmed after just 25 zombies.

From the start of the game, you get to choose from four characters, each which his or her own strengths and skill trees. Just like Borderlands. Did the characters in Left 4 Dead have any differences that weren’t cosmetic? While this is key to building a balanced team, the fact of the matter is that I’ll never play this game with others. So I really wouldn’t mind if there were a “single-player” character, who could choose from the entire pool of skills. Also I’m not a fan of the “skill pipe” system, where you have to pump points into unrelated skills to get to the one you want. What I’m saying here is that they should have copied Fallout’s skill system too. I’m cool with prerequisites for advanced skills, but those prerequisites should make sense, and not just be arbitrarily placed along a line. Why to I need to get the “medkits are more effective” skill before I can buy the “less likely to be noticed” skill? Healing and stealth are two totally different fields.

Anyway, I’m coming off too negative. I really like Dead Island, though I fear it will end up sitting incomplete along with Fallout 3 and Borderlands despite that. The thing that ties them all together is that they’re all so huge and open, that I get an initial rush of excitement, with the exploring and the screwing around, but then burn out before I can even make it halfway through the story. Yeah, there’s something I never thought I’d lament: games being too long and having too much content. 16-year-old Ryan would be so sad if he knew that he’d grow up into a man that had trouble finishing games that surpass a 15-hour requirement.

Dead Island has a few good things about it that weren’t key traits of other games though, and while I’d love to talk about those, there’s one thing that really bugs me about the game. I mean really boils my turnip. I usually don’t care if games with high NPC/enemy populations re-use character models/sprites. A few of my favourite games don’t even bother to recolour clothing, never mind create unique NPCs. But Dead Island really takes the cake; on the resort map, there are literally two female NPC character models: the standard one, and the one that’s a little chubbier. Female zombies are the same, but discoloured and with bits missing. Yes, their heads and bikini patterns change, but they’ve still all got one of two bodies. Oh yes, and every single female (outside of the two playable females) in the game is wearing a bikini until you get back into the hotel. It is ridiculous. Sex appeal is great; I have no problem with bikini babes. This is overkill though. The sexism line has been long since crossed. There are at least a dozen generic male character models. Would it have hurt to put some short shorts on at least one of the female models? Come on, Techland. Have a little class. The good news is that once you leave the resort there are properly clothed ladies, but I had played over ten hours before I got to that point.

So after all this complaining, what do I like about Dead Island? One thing that sticks out in my mind is the “thug” zombie. Thugs are a good foot taller than your average walking dead, and they can knock you flat with a single hook or headbutt. They are dangerous, and you learn that quickly. Encountering a thug is terrifying because you know that you’re going to be facing something that can kill you with little effort. Compounding this effect is the fact that thugs emit the most blood-curdling roar in the history of video games. It chills me to my bone, and instantly makes me stop cold in my tracks to assess my surroundings. The only thing that keeps thugs from being a total nightmare is that they move at about half the speed of a normal zombie. Still, the tension blows through the roof whenever a thug howls, and I find taking them down incredibly satisfying.

The best way to stop a thug, of course, is to remove his arms. Severing enemies’ body parts has been one of my secret favourite things to do in video games for years. I played the first level of Turok 2 over and over, never caring to progress in the game, just happy to play with the different weapons and see how they tore the monsters apart. Dead Island definitely strikes the right chords in this regard. Once you get your first cleaver or machete, you’ll never want to go back to pipes and wrenches. Blunt weapons can be used to break zombie bones (which is hilarious in its own way) and smash in their heads like so many pumpkins. Bladed weapons, logically, will completely remove the offender’s limbs. Sometimes you’ll swing at the right time when a zombie charges you, which will sever his head in one swing and put the game into slow motion to watch his head pop up while his body keep running past you. It’s quite awesome, but takes more than a little luck to pull off regularly.

Outside of thugs though, removing limbs isn’t strictly necessary, as by the time you’ve got that second arm off, that zombie’s probably re-dead anyway. Decapitation, of course, is always your best bet. They’re zombies! And they’re scary! A lone zombie isn’t much trouble; you’re equipped with a kick move that almost guarantees knocking a ghoul down, and once they’re down, they’re meat. Though as I noted before, a bunch of zombies can easily tear you a new one. I don’t know how many times now I was poking around and got mobbed by a group of four or five zombies. It doesn’t sound like a lot, but they hit hard and flail around pretty quickly. Especially the “infected” class of zombies, who are Dead Island’s version of the Hollywood zombie. Not that classifying the fast ones as “infected” makes a lick of sense. Aren’t all of them infected? Isn’t that the problem?

Anyway, I’m getting totally off-track here. My point there was that zombies are scary. Especially since they level up with you. You life bar gets bigger with each level-up, but it’s really moot because zombie arm/claw/bite/whatever strength increases at about the same pace. Infected class zombies (they move faster and hit harder) are even more lethal because if they get you, they usually get in three or four hits at a time. If you’re up against two or more infected, there’s a good chance you’re going to die. Regular zombies (“Walkers”) are considerably less dangerous, even in large groups. They have one advantage: they’re clever enough to get the drop on you. Walkers are the only zombies whose howls blend in with the ambient noises floating on the air, and they also like to play possum. I figured obsessing over tearing apart corpses to make sure they don’t get me when my back is turned was going to be a habit exclusive to Dead Space. I was wrong.

I’m sure there are other good things about Dead Island aside from zombies. There really probably are. It’s just, they’re all done better in other games. Most of them in a single game! That doesn’t mean it’s not worth playing though! If you can get over the slightly janky combat system, dependably buggy graphics, and vicious difficulty spike, you’ll have a grand old time on Banoi. Might even be better with friends. I’ll never know. I’m excluded from that world because I’m a dinosaur and prefer local multiplayer.