Mind blown (but in the worst way)

Yesterday, Nintendo uploaded a fun new promotional video to show off all the junk they’re going to try to sell you for Mario’s 35th anniversary. You can watch it below.

And it’s like, okay, most of these products I don’t really give a sniff about. The LEGO, the t-shirts, the AR Mario Kart… thing, a Super Mario 3D World re-release. Cool things that fans might enjoy, but are not for me, specifically. But there were a couple items that I would definitely buy, like the Super Mario 3D All-Stars collection. And maybe that neat Game&Watch machine. And also Super Mario Bros 35, which is free-to-play so why not.

But then you stop and think about the history of Nintendo and special merch like this. That Super Mario Bros Game&Watch machine is going to be obscenely rare, and will quickly skyrocket in price on eBay and whatnot. So I’ve already convinced myself that I actually don’t care about it and that I’m not even going to bother trying to buy one. It’s unfortunate because the consumer whore in me is hurting, but the reality is that there’s really no need for it anyway. I’m better off without. I already have many avenues through which to play Super Mario Bros.

I’m also completely perplexed by the idea that Nintendo is only going to be selling Super Mario 3D All-Stars for six months. And then it’s gone. Into the Disney vault, as they say. I could understand a short run on physical cartridges, but the digital version too? It’s an incredibly weird choice. But it doesn’t really affect me because you know I’m picking that collection up on day one anyway.

The thing that really, truly makes me grumpy is that Super Mario Bros 35 is going to be a limited time only thing. I know that nothing lasts forever, and that I should focus on enjoying it while it’s around, but I just can’t understand why Nintendo wouldn’t choose to support this awesome idea for more than a few months. I could absolutely see myself picking it up for a run or two every so often like I do with Tetris 99, but it is not meant to be.

So, grumps aside, I’m really happy that I’ll be able to play Super Mario 64 on yet another machine. That is, after all, the true meaning of life.

Monthend Video Game Wrap-Up: August 2020

~ Game Over ~

Ellen (Switch) – Pixel-art, side-scrolly, spook-’em-up adventure. Head and shoulders above nearly any other similar game I’ve played. It’s right up there with The Cat Lady on my list of best horror-themed adventure games. Only a few hours long, but told an interesting (if somewhat clichéd and poorly translated) story and did an excellent job of maintaining its creepiness all the way to the end.

The Talos Principle (PS4) – Wrote lots of words. Actually beat it twice to claim all the trophies, and then played the DLC expansion.

Erica (PS4) – I wonder if I should actually put this here, as it’s less a game than a choose-your-own-adventure movie. Played through twice to see a couple different endings, but two was enough. There isn’t nearly enough variance in the story to bother with more replays. At least not right away. Notably, there’s an companion app that you can download to use as a controller, which is good since the game is otherwise controlled entirely by the DualShock 4’s touch pad, and the DualShock 4’s touch pad sucks ass.

Continue reading Monthend Video Game Wrap-Up: August 2020

Monthend Video Game Wrap-Up: July 2020

~ Game Over ~

KIDS (PC) – Art (non-)game. Weirdly satisfying, except when it becomes tedious. You can only appreciate milking people through a digestive tract so many times. But it’s only like 20 minutes long, so.

LOVE (PC) – Retro platformer built for speedruns. Tense and occasionally frustrating, but not quite masocore. Interesting in that it allows you to plop down a respawn point just about anywhere. Very fun, but super short and of limited value if you’re not planning to learn and master it.

A Hat in Time (Switch) – Achieved 100% by clearing the DLC chapters. Seal the Deal was fun and super cute, but tragically short. I was less enthused by Nyakuza Metro’s massive, confusing, maze of a world. Didn’t play past the first two Death Wish challenges because ehhhhh I only have so much time, and I don’t really want harder remixes of all the things I’ve already done.

Continue reading Monthend Video Game Wrap-Up: July 2020

Duke Nukem 3D is a weird video game

I purchased Duke Nukem 3D: 20th Anniversary World Tour on Switch last weekend on a whim. Partly because it had a 50% launch discount, and partly because nostalgia. Unlike most games I buy, I wasn’t even sure I was going to play it. I mostly just wanted to know that I could play it.

Truly, I live a life of six-dollar luxuries.

But then I did start playing the game, and so many things started jumping out at me as weird. Immediately I was taken aback to learn that the first episode only has five levels. Like, what? I guess it came as a surprise because no version of the game I’ve played before let you choose any stage you want right from the word go (which is a really cool feature, actually).

The first two stages didn’t hold anything particularly new or exciting for me. Those are the ones I’ve played the most and am mostly familiar with. I used to play Duke 3D all the time when I’d go over to my uncle’s house, and apparently saving was not a thing I would do, because I barely remember anything past level two. Or maybe someone deleted my saves? I don’t know. I don’t remember ever playing it at home, either, so I have this feeling that my mom wouldn’t allow it in the house. Did my dad have a secret copy? Couldn’t tell you. But probably yes.

Anyway, the thing I’m trying to get to here is that the second level ends with Duke being captured by aliens, and the third level begins with him being zapped in an electric chair. This is troublesome since if you end level two with less than about 30 health, you’ll die immediately upon entering level three with absolutely no recourse. So then you have to start the stage with no weapons or items, which is a real problem because the first two monsters are pig-cops, and their shotguns can kill you real fast while you try to kick them to death. While I appreciate the setpiece, it really works against the gameplay. I was stuck retrying that first room for like 20 minutes before I was able to play it well enough to survive to the point where I could locate a few health pickups.

So, I lied before. There actually is something that blew my mind in the first level. Throughout the game, you can find women trapped in alien goo, who whisper “Kill me…” if you interact with them. I found one of said ladies in level one, and tried and tried to save her from her sticky prison, but to no avail. As it turns out, you can’t save them. You either leave them to their fate, or honour their wishes and murder them. I think that this confused me because I played the Nintendo 64 version a lot in my youth, and apparently that is the only version where you can free the trapped babes. Weird!

The one other thing that has thrown me for a loop is that Duke 3D is hard. I chose to play on the “Let’s Rock” difficulty level, which is the default and presumably the counterpart to “normal” in other games. And in the first three levels, I died a lot. I know I’m not very good at these old-school shooters, but wow do enemy shots ever hurt a lot! A mid-range shotgun blast from a pig-cop can knock off over 20 of Duke’s health points. The scrub aliens don’t hit quite as hard, but they usually come in groups and have a higher rate of fire, so they can pile it on pretty quick. Also they often have jetpacks, and those guys… man, those guys.

On the other hand, the Switch port has motion control aiming, which is nice. Really good for fine-tuning your aim when the control sticks just aren’t giving you the fine control you need. Also I was playing it during my lunch hour at work and man was that weird. It almost felt like I was doing something wrong, what with all the strippers in level two. I can only imagine what might have happened if someone took a peek at my screen at the wrong moment. Perhaps I ought to stick with A Hat in Time during lunch break.

Aside from my few little quibbles, it has been fun to dip back into Duke 3D for a bit. I’m sure that I’ll have to knock down the difficulty level to easy before I’ll have any hope of finishing it, but… I don’t know that I’ll even play it that much. Even with the intent of playing it through to the end, I have a feeling that this is going to be a “finish the first episode then completely forget about it” kind of game. A fun, nostalgic distraction, but nothing more.

Monthend Video Game Wrap-Up: June 2020

~ Game Over ~

Nirvana Pilot Yume (PC) – Part visual novel, part high-speed space racing. Except the “racing” was actually just straight-line obstacle courses where the camera was too close to the ground to see half the obstacles (holes and very short barriers) until it was too late. It became more of a frustrating memorization challenge than a test of reflexes and/or skill. Soundtrack was bumpin’ though.

Shantae and the Seven Sirens (Switch) – After the last couple of Shantae games deviating from the formula a bit, it’s nice to see the series go back to a more standard Metroidvania setup. I really liked that the transformations are all button presses now, instead of powers you have to turn on and off with dances. Music was a step down because it wasn’t done by virt. I’d like to play it at least once more in NG+ mode, but… I don’t think there’s time.

Continue reading Monthend Video Game Wrap-Up: June 2020

Monthend Video Game Wrap-Up: May 2020

~ Game Over ~

Pikmin 2 (GC) – Did you know that I’ve never actually finished Pikmin 2 before? But now I’ve beaten the final boss (twice) and claimed every treasure. Huzzah. I win. It’s still not really 100% clear because I didn’t do the 2-player mode to get the secret ending, but I have actually done that before, so… we good?

Ocarina of Time Randomizer (Wii) – It was exciting to play through a very messed-up version of OoT, and I appreciate how it really tests your knowledge of the game. I think I need to do a second run with Master Quest dungeons, because I still feel like it’s not making me work hard enough.

Continue reading Monthend Video Game Wrap-Up: May 2020

Kingdom Hearts 3D: Dream Drop Distance

The Kingdom Hearts franchise and I have a… complicated history. When the first game came out in 2002, I was in a very angsty teenage phase; I had little interest in anything Disney that wasn’t a theme park, and my passion for Squaresoft was burning out quickly. I was far from the target demographic at that point. I tried playing it a bit, but it never really clicked.

Two years later, somehow the card-battling sequel for GBA, Chain of Memories, grabs my attention. I fall hard for it, and wind up obsessively playing both the original game and Kingdom Hearts II when it releases in 2006. I was deep into the franchise at that point, totally immersed in the lore (despite/because of the fact that it was completely bananas) and then… I completely fell off and didn’t play any other KH games until the PSP prequel Birth By Sleep on a whim in 2013. I don’t even remember why I picked that one up, other than giving my PSP a reason to exist.

Very recently, I found myself eager to catch up on the series. What spurred this on? Well, I purchased a copy of Kingdom Hearts III for very cheap, and thought that I had better play any important games that I had missed along the way. The good news is that the only one I’d missed (that matters) was Dream Drop Distance for the 3DS. The bad news (as I would find out) is that I would have to play Dream Drop Distance for the 3DS.

Continue reading Kingdom Hearts 3D: Dream Drop Distance

Monthend Video Game Wrap-Up: April 2020

~ Game Over ~

Mega Man Zero 2 (GBA) – I played it again, this time using cyber elves to blow through the game like it weren’t nothing. Also I finished getting all the styles, except the one for collecting all the cyber elves. Because… I just don’t care enough.

Resident Evil 3 (PS4) – Fantastic remake. I never really got into the original RE3, but this one is just made for me. Yeah, it’s a little linear, and yeah, it’s a little more action-oriented, but those are things I like! At least, they make for less of a headache when you’re trying to route out your S-rank runs. Anyway, my first run was far from S-rank, and I died a spectacular number of times because this game is ROUGH.

Continue reading Monthend Video Game Wrap-Up: April 2020

Legendary Finale

When I first started playing Mega Man Legends 2, I was shocked by how long the opening cutscene was, and then impressed by the first couple hours of gameplay. It was clearly focusing on building up a more epic plot than the first game, and it seemed pretty solid for a while.

Then things turned around, and I started to find myself less engrossed in the game. Namely due to some tedious gameplay elements and a world that felt fractured and less fun to explore. Also some other little things here and there. But the fact remains that I was spending more time feeling frustrated by MML2 than I was having fun with it. And that only got worse before it got better.

In the first Mega Man Legends, you gain better “digger licenses” as you progress through the story, allowing you to access new dungeons and explore more of the gigantic maze below Kattleox Island. MML2 has a similar feature, except it’s only used to access optional dungeons. And also all of the enemies in the game “level up” in a way, making them tougher, but also increasing how much money they drop. This is all fine. I’m on board. Also, instead of just getting them at certain points, you must take a test for each. It’s nice, because you can take all the tests right away to max out the difficulty and your earnings right at the start of the game.

The problem is that the S-Class test (the last one) is unbelievably hard. You need to make it through a half-dozen rooms and defeat every enemy in each in under 5 minutes. You’re also restricted to the default equipment set, so no buster power-ups or special weapons can be used. This makes it hard because every enemy is an unforgiving bullet sponge, and some of them can inflict a status effect that prevents you from shooting. Needles to say, if you get hit by that it’s essentially a forced retry. I could go into further detail, but the point is that I absolutely could not pass this test. I tried at least 25 times, and that’s a conservative estimate. It depends too much on perfect execution, and MML2’s control just aren’t tight enough for that. So I gave up, and whatever was in that final optional dungeon, I’ll never know.

Also, losing out on that last money boost hurt a lot. It seems like everything in Mega Man Legends 2 costs about twice what it should, with many of the later weapon upgrades coming in at a million zenny. For reference, the most any single enemy can drop at A-Class is 7,000 zenny. So that’s a lot of grinding if you’re a completionist. I, fortunately, am not. I focused most of my cash into powering up one of the cheaper weapons (which was still damn effective), but still needed to grind a whole bunch to afford some of the other upgrades. There’s also a whole sub-quest about buying furniture and junk for the Flutter to make Roll happy, but as much as I want Roll to be happy, it costs so much and just wasn’t worth the time.

To catch up from where I left off last time, the fourth dungeon was ice-themed, and you know how that goes. I was very upset that there was no boot upgrade that stopped Mega Man from slipping on the ice. Though maybe there is and it was just lost in the S-Class dungeon for all time.

The final dungeon was where it all turned around, though. It’s a pretty sweet space-station with a gravity-manipulating gimmick. There are also multiple areas, and there are some really cool visual shifts throughout. It ends in a boss rush, as is Mega Man tradition. I’m normally not overly excited for endgame boss rushes, but it was really satisfying to get a rematch with that damned frog boss now that I was sufficiently powered-up and was able to curb stomp it. Very theraputic.

Now, back in the day when I played MML2 for the very first time, the final boss completely stymied me and rendered me unable to finish the game. So I was a little apprehensive about the final showdown once I made it there. And my fears were vindicated! Her attack patterns are very difficult to dodge, she does a buttload of damage, and there aren’t a lot of openings to shoot back. But after only a couple tries, I was able to finally eke out a victory, with only a sliver of life left.

Then she transformed and I got wrecked. Because of course there’s a second phase.

So I went back down to Earth to upgrade my health canteen, which is the Legends stand-in for E-tanks. And this is where MML2 finally gives the player an advantage: it seems like you can just keep upgrading that health canteen as long as you can afford it. I got mine up to 40 units (4 full heals) and I could have kept going if I’d had the cash. I don’t know how far it goes, but that’s already more than enough to cheese your way past basically anything the game will throw at you.

And so it was, that I battled that final boss again, and won. I used up every drop in the health canteen to do it and still just scraped by, but I won. It was finally over. The shadow that had been looming over me for the last twenty years was finally dispelled, and I am free to move on with my life. Given the text above and published previously, I don’t think I’ll ever play Mega Man Legends 2 again. It’s just so… I want to use a softer word, but I think it might be bad. There’s a solid base there, but there are too many parts that are designed in such a way that they’re just frustrating to overcome. If the controls were tightened up and the money requirements eased up? I think that would go a long way. But it’s just not that much fun as-is.

Fortunately, the first game is still perfectly good, and I will happily go back to that one time and time again. The Misadventures of Tron Bonne, a mini-game focused spin-off, was also a lot of fun, so there are ways to get my MML fix. Just not this one. With the benefit of this hindsight, maybe it’s a good thing that Mega Man Legends 3 got canned before it ever really got off the ground. But I guess that’s something we’ll just never know.

Wherein I can stream, live

Did you know that you can stream gameplay from your PS4 to your YouTube or Twitch? I did, but I had never bothered to try it until now. And, it was a bit of a rough start, since getting the audio from the game and microphone to mix properly is unnecessarily complicated. But I got it sorted out finally, and now you can watch me play the middle of Resident Evil 4, one chapter at a time!

Here’s the first video where I’m actually audible. The Chapter 4-1 follow-up is also decent. The four videos that came before are rife with growing pains, and I’m mostly impossible to hear because the game drowns me out. Whether that’s a good or bad thing, I’ll leave to you, dear reader/viewer.