I was poking through my chest of forgotten video games, systems, and accessories the other day, just looking around at things. No practical reason or whatever. Just the semi-annual “maybe I’ll find my lost GBA SP this time” rooting around. During this particular adventure, I pulled out the Ziploc baggie that holds all of my GBA cartridges. Wanting to look at the beautiful collection, I spilled them out onto the floor and lined them up. What I found was nothing short of shocking.
Somehow, I only own nineteen Game Boy Advance games. As someone whose GBA was as good as attached to his hands, I find this very hard to believe. I know that those were days when I was poor, rentals existed, and far fewer video games were actually being made, but it still seems unreasonably light. At some point I could have sold some to lighten the load, but… these are GBA cartridges. They take up virtually no space, so there’s no big incentive to sell, other than desperation for cash.
Super Mario 3D Land (3DS) – I did all the Special worlds. As if that’s a surprise. But I’m not playing the entire game again as Luigi. Probably.
The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker HD (WiiU) – You know what’s weird? Nintendo put a lot of work into refining Wind Waker for this remake, but they didn’t add in any of the dungeons that were apparently cut to get the original game out the door faster. I wonder why. Were said dungeons completely incomplete? Were they maybe just not very good? I guess us regular folk will never really know.
Hitman (2016) (Stadia) – Very cool game that does a lot to make stealth-based gameplay fun. Janky in a lot of ways, but never so much that it ruins the experience. Also, holy cow are there a lot of things to do. The extra missions and challenges really at a ton of value to a game that would be very short if you were to just mainline the story.
Control (PS4) – 100% trophies for main game and DLC expansions. Super great game. Strongly recommend, would play again. Probably should continue playing, because there are still incomplete missions…
The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask 3D (3DS) – I was enjoying the original so much that I decided to revisit the remake that I’d never finished. Good call, me! MM3D is an incredible remake and I want so badly for a Switch port to free it from the teeny-tiny confines of 3DS Jail. I even went for the 100% clear, which I never do for MM. Too many mini-games; it’s really my only major complaint with this one.
It’s been a while since we’ve gotten a “real” Nintendo Direct. Lots of indie showcases and partner directs, but I can’t even remember when the last Nintendo-focused video came out. Guess it was a COVID thing? Whatever, Nintendo’s got a big, new commercial out, and I’m going to write words about it. Like I do.
Super Smash Bros Ultimate – I can’t believe it’s finally happening! Pyra and Mythra are excellent Smash candidates, and long overdue, if I might say so. Not that I’m poo-pooing the DLC characters we’ve seen thus far, just… I really like Xenoblade. I haven’t really looked for The Internet’s reaction, but I have a feeling they won’t be too happy about more anime swordspeople.
Fall Guys – It’s probably too late; Fall Guys’ 15 minutes seems to be over. And I just never really cared. I’ve had it on PS4 since launch (it was free with PS+) and haven’t ever played it.
I guess that Nintendo is going to shame me annually about how much time I waste playing video games. I like statistical data, but I was kind of hoping that it was just going to be a fun thing they did in 2019. Nope!
Here’s the breakdown from the email they sent me:
10 fewer hours than last year. Not bad. Still… yikes.
The Void (PC) – Artsy horror-ish game that I may have liked if not for three factors: 1. Gesture-based commands that don’t work very well. 2. Overcomplicated gameplay systems that make no sense. 3. Your character moves slower than molasses – at running speed. Into the bin with ye!
Stories Untold (Switch) – A text-based adventure game anthology that takes place over four separate mini-episodes. Each one introduces some new gameplay element and a new scenario. While the gameplay can be a little tedious, the stories are great and go off in wildly unexpected directions. I bought this on sale for $7 and I kind of want to give the developer the difference because it was fantastic. Likely to be on my 2020 GOTY list.
You know how it is. This month, it’s all about judging games on how SPOOKY they are. Let us see!
~ Game Over ~
Shadows Peak (PC) – A game about exploring an island to find your girlfriend, all the while being pursued by ghosts and a teddy bear possessed by the spirit of a fire demon. I also streamed it so you can watch that if you want to know more about the BIG TWIST(S). The scariest thing about it is that I can’t trace back where I even got this game… Spook Factor: 8.5
Vernon’s Legacy (PC) – Spooky house adventure-’em-up. Doesn’t have a lot going on, other than an endless supply of text logs to read through. I quit after an hour because I was stuck and bored. Spook Factor: 3
Sophie’s Curse (PC) – Another haunted house game, but this time there are lots of things happening. Mostly a spooky ghost girl out to murder you. The goal is to run around and keep the crank-powered lights active throughout the night to keep her away. It’s a lot of fun, nice and short, and very scary. I’ll be seeing Sophie’s face in my nightmares for weeks. Spook Factor: 10
God of War (PS4) – I’m quite surprised at how much I liked it, and especially how effective the ending was. It was completely the opposite of every video game ending ever, and I thought it was great. Totally caught me by surprise. If you missed it, I already wrote a bunch about this one.
FNAF AR: Special Delivery (iOS) – I wasn’t expecting much, but got even less than that, because the game kept crashing after being open for a minute. So I barely even know what it’s about. It may because my phone is sorely outdated, but I prefer to think that the app is just that poorly-made. Deleted after about 10 minutes of struggling against it.
Yesterday, Nintendo uploaded a fun new promotional video to show off all the junk they’re going to try to sell you for Mario’s 35th anniversary. You can watch it below.
And it’s like, okay, most of these products I don’t really give a sniff about. The LEGO, the t-shirts, the AR Mario Kart… thing, a Super Mario 3D World re-release. Cool things that fans might enjoy, but are not for me, specifically. But there were a couple items that I would definitely buy, like the Super Mario 3D All-Stars collection. And maybe that neat Game&Watch machine. And also Super Mario Bros 35, which is free-to-play so why not.
But then you stop and think about the history of Nintendo and special merch like this. That Super Mario Bros Game&Watch machine is going to be obscenely rare, and will quickly skyrocket in price on eBay and whatnot. So I’ve already convinced myself that I actually don’t care about it and that I’m not even going to bother trying to buy one. It’s unfortunate because the consumer whore in me is hurting, but the reality is that there’s really no need for it anyway. I’m better off without. I already have many avenues through which to play Super Mario Bros.
I’m also completely perplexed by the idea that Nintendo is only going to be selling Super Mario 3D All-Stars for six months. And then it’s gone. Into the Disney vault, as they say. I could understand a short run on physical cartridges, but the digital version too? It’s an incredibly weird choice. But it doesn’t really affect me because you know I’m picking that collection up on day one anyway.
The thing that really, truly makes me grumpy is that Super Mario Bros 35 is going to be a limited time only thing. I know that nothing lasts forever, and that I should focus on enjoying it while it’s around, but I just can’t understand why Nintendo wouldn’t choose to support this awesome idea for more than a few months. I could absolutely see myself picking it up for a run or two every so often like I do with Tetris 99, but it is not meant to be.
So, grumps aside, I’m really happy that I’ll be able to play Super Mario 64 on yet another machine. That is, after all, the true meaning of life.
KIDS (PC) – Art (non-)game. Weirdly satisfying, except when it becomes tedious. You can only appreciate milking people through a digestive tract so many times. But it’s only like 20 minutes long, so.
LOVE (PC) – Retro platformer built for speedruns. Tense and occasionally frustrating, but not quite masocore. Interesting in that it allows you to plop down a respawn point just about anywhere. Very fun, but super short and of limited value if you’re not planning to learn and master it.
A Hat in Time (Switch) – Achieved 100% by clearing the DLC chapters. Seal the Deal was fun and super cute, but tragically short. I was less enthused by Nyakuza Metro’s massive, confusing, maze of a world. Didn’t play past the first two Death Wish challenges because ehhhhh I only have so much time, and I don’t really want harder remixes of all the things I’ve already done.
