Vindication! (and also rambling)

Most days I don’t eat lunch. I can’t be arsed to prepare something the night before, and I don’t get up in the morning with nearly enough time to make a lunch. If I do have a lunch, it’s almost always because either a) I’ve bought something at a restaurant, or b) I threw a pack of instant noodles in my bag.

The noodles, as instant noodles are wont to do, require some time in the microwave. Those three minutes are usually pretty boring. A couple weeks ago, I noticed that there was a pad of sticky notes and a mason jar of writing utensils on the counter in the lunch room.

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A different kind of Easter egg

Sometimes I do irresponsible things.

My time working at Toys R Us was full of them, some more innocuous than others.

My job required me to carry around a pen and paper at all times, because I would have to take notes at a moment’s notice. As an “artist” of some description, I have an insatiable urge to doodle whenever any sort of drawing tools are nearby.

So, over the three years I worked there, I left many a doodle behind. On walls, on wooden boards, sometimes even on papers! All in the storeroom, of course. It would be really irresponsible to be defacing parts of the store that a customer might see.

Admittedly, sometimes I did find myself doodling on product boxes. Only the bike boxes, though, which were just plain brown with packing labels stuck to them. They were so boring.

I never drew anything obscene, of course. Just little goofy faces and the like. Something that might make a person smile when they found it.

Alright, fine. I drew penises on occasion. But only in dust!

The merits of loneliness

Living alone is pretty great. I can make myself a giant plate of spicy potato wedges and broccoli for dinner, and then eat it in bed while watching Adventure Time. And nobody’s going to give me crap for it.

Not that the Ex would have complained about any part of that besides the spiciness of the wedges. But I’m trying to feel empowered here. Stop poking holes, me!

Making Marios is Super

This year marks the 30th anniversary of Super Mario Bros. I never really think of most Mario games when I think of my favourite video games (with the obvious exception of Super Mario 64), but they have always excelled, and I continue to buy and play them all with gusto.

If nothing else, Super Mario Maker has reminded me of how much fun it is to just sit down and play some Mario. But there is so much more to it! Mario Maker is crammed to the gills with not only the tools necessary to create, distribute, and play Mario courses, but also heaping spoonfuls of pure love.

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Monthend Video Game Wrap-Up – September 2015

~It’s the most wonderful month of the yeeeeear~

Well, it was. October is fine too, but let’s reminisce on some of the ways I kept busy during September.

~ Game Over ~

Mega Man 4 (NES) – I had to. I just had to!

Mega Man 5 (NES) – It’s the boringest Mega Man, but it’s still pretty darn good.

Mega Man 6 (NES) – Yes, I have a sickness. Leave me alone.

Super Mario Bros 3 (NES) – Played it while waiting for Super Mario Maker. Somehow, this is my least-played Mario game, so I often forget how superb it is.

Monument Valley (iOS) – Speaking of superb, holy cow why did I wait so long to play this? It’s just barely a puzzle game, but the gimmick is good enough to support it to the end. Which comes really quickly, but before it gets boring.

Xeodrifter (WiiU) – I played and beat it on 3DS earlier this year, but apparently it was so bland that I forgot to log it. Anyway, it was released on Wii U recently and I got it for free so I gave it another go. It’s just as average as ever, but it looks really nice on a giant TV.

Year Walk (WiiU) – I felt October creeping up, and knew that it was time to start busting out the horror games. This one is a little more subtle about said horror, but it does pack a couple of jumpscares, so playing it at night was definitely a bad idea for me. Otherwise, it was an excellent game, with a completely unexpected second half.

Little Inferno (WiiU) – I questioned how much fun a replay of Little Inferno could be, but booted it up anyway. Turns out, it melted away an entire afternoon before I even realized it. So yeah, it’s just as good as the first time around. Not as surprising, but still totally zen.

Shovel Knight: Plague of Shadows (3DS) – Quite possibly the best DLC ever made. Plague Knight is an absolute blast to play, changes the gameplay significantly, and is a surprisingly lovable character. Shovel Knight may very well now be my Most Favouritest Game Ever. And there are still two more free DLC campaigns on the way…

~ Now Playing ~

Super Mario Maker (WiiU) – And to think that initially, I didn’t want this. Now my brain is constantly thinking about new levels to make, even while working and sleeping. I can’t shut it off!

Chrono Trigger (DS) – Still working toward a complete set of endings. It was going at a good clip until Super Mario Maker happened… I’m at 11/13.

Splatoon (WiiU) – The only problem with Splatoon is that I waited until two days before Mario Maker to buy it. Otherwise, I can finally understand why people sink so many hours into online shooters. It is lovely and perfect and has some incredible music.

Woah Dave! (3DS) – Sometimes you just need to kick back with a simple arcade-style game. And Woah Dave! is just a heck of a lot of fun. Also I’m terrible at it. My high score is like $1.

Fallout: New Vegas (PC) – Also making feeble amounts of progress here. Level 13, I think? And I haven’t even been to New Vegas proper yet.

Driv3r (XBOX) – Terrible. Poop from a butt. Will not be finishing this one. …Probably.

Metal Arms: Glitch in the System (XBOX) – I really don’t know how I missed this one back in the day. Maybe Nintendo Power just never covered it? It’s not really a hidden gem or anything, but it is a perfectly adequate third-person shooter, filled with goofy robots. Right up my alley. Just passed the first boss (who is several hours in…).

Book Report: The Picture of Dorian Gray

I read a book! I know, it’s been a while!

It was called The Picture of Dorian Gray. It is about a man who gets a portrait painted of himself, and then because he’s super vain, he casts a magic voodoo spell on it that keeps him young forever and makes the portrait version of him age instead. Then he lives out a life of hedonism and debauchery until he goes insane from an overdose of ecstasy, throws the portrait into a volcano, and then his head explodes because the voodoo curse releases all the portrait’s pent-up oldness back onto him.

This is, as I am told, an example of “classic literature,” which I understand is a type of book that publishers keep reprinting and selling forever because it costs a lot more to write new books. It was written by Oscar Wilde, a man well renowned for his work towards creating equality for brown M&Ms and having set the world record for number of lions tamed in one hour (a record which I soon hope to break). Also on his days off he wrote plays and fairy tales.

While the story itself was engaging, the novel contained some unique views on the topics of art, love, and society which I found quite interesting at the time, and have taken to reading up a little more on such philosophies, and pondering on what they mean to me. I will no doubt lose all interest in them within three or so days, and then go back to not having anything substantial to talk to people about. Such is life.

Also, there could have been more robots and sexy ninjas. But what novel couldn’t benefit from having more of those?

The Picture of Dorian Gray excels at many things. For one, it is most certainly a collection of words printed onto paper. It also has an image on the front cover, which is soft, and to my liking. Hard covers are much too solid and pose too much of a risk of falling into my enemies’ hands and being used as a bludgeoning tool against me.

There are no blank pages between the cover and the story, however, there are two pages in a row upon which only the title and name of the author are printed. This seems somewhat redundant, as this information is already on the cover (which directly precedes these pages). This is the only fault that I could find in this novel. It is otherwise immaculate.

In conclusion: that sure was a novel.

Label graffiti

Sometimes I do irresponsible things.

My time working at Toys R Us was full of them, some more innocuous than others.

For example, at one point during my last few days as an employee there, I took a packet of large labels and wrote on them, one letter per label “BENDER LIVES LARGE AND KICKS BUTT”.

I took those labels, and stuck them on the inside of the freight elevator shaft, just above the door. Since people aren’t supposed to ride the freight elevator, in theory nobody should have ever seen it. But I thought it would be a fun surprise for any irresponsible young lads who might do so anyways.

It’s really too bad I didn’t have an iPhone yet at that point. I would have loved to have photographic evidence of my giant waste of time and also labels.

Anyway, that’s my story. I hope you enjoyed it.