Year of N64 Bonus Round Q1 – Super Mario 64

Super Mario 64 is a game so near and dear to my heart that I’ve been calling it my Favourite Video Game for well over a decade now. For a while I was thinking maybe that Super Mario Galaxy might supplant it, but Spring Mario is stupid. Other than that it’s a pretty perfect game.

That gets me to thinking though, that I could go on and on all day about why I like Mario 64 so much. But I’ve done that before. Maybe not in blog form, but I have. So instead, let’s have a chat about the things I don’t like about Super Mario 64.

The short answer is nothing.

Yeah, that’s a huge cop-out. Obviously, if someone digs deep enough, they can find something to complain about even in their absolute favoutire thing. But it’s hard. One of the reasons that Super Mario 64 sits unchallenged on the throne of games I like the most is that there’s nothing about it that makes me grumpy, nothing that makes me call bull on it.

If you’re going to make me give you an actual answer though, I suppose one thing I might complain about is the way the Wing Cap controls. It works exactly as it’s supposed to, but it’s impossible to gain altitude with it, as Mario enters more of a glide than a full-on flying mode when he’s in the air. You get the boost from the initial takeoff, but from there on out it’s all descent. Maintaining speed is also a struggle. As Mario glides, he slows down to a rather lazy pace. The only way to regain any speed is to dip and then quickly pull back up, and after doing this, the tendency to lose control is fairly high.

I can see why Nintendo might have limited the Wing Cap’s flight ability, as there are a number of power stars that would be much easier to get if you could just fly up to them. But really, I’d rather have the option to cheese or not to cheese, rather than just have it strippped out in hopes of keeping the game “fair.” The cape power-up in Super Mario World is exactly that kind of broken, allowing you to skip entire levels once you’ve mastered it, but you won’t hear anyone complain about it. Mario 64 gives you so much freedom to play around any way you want, it’s just weird that free flight isn’t also included.

Also, Tiny-Huge Island is probably the least fun level. It’s not that the challenges are bad or anything, but the gimmick makes the level less fun than it could be. If you’re huge, it’s a miniscule stage with virtually nothing to do. If you’re tiny, it’s designed so that it takes forever to get anywhere. This is easily overcome by using the size-changing pipes, but it’s still a minor pain in the butt if you just want to bounce around the stage like a loon.

I’m really stretching it here, but I guess I also don’t like how your extra life counter resets every time you save and quit the game. That one’s mostly negligible though.

Dark Souls: Don’t You Just Love Poison?

Previously on Dark Souls: Morgan prevailed over the nightmarish Gaping Dragon, and continued her descent through the Depths.

I awoke at the Depths’ bonfire, as I had so many times before, and rifled through my rucksack to see if I was carrying any items that would heal toxicity. I had a whole collection of Purple Moss Clumps, which would heal poison, but only one Blooming Purple Moss Clump, which also healed toxicity. It looked like I was going to have to be really careful about these blowdart fellows.

Upon returning to the shaft, I led both of the barbarians off the edge into the void, to save myself a little time and effort. As I approached  the area where I was in the range of the blowdart guy, a couple of purple, sickly-looking corpses ran up to me and started attacking. I assumed they were just a different colour of the undead I’d been killing in droves up until now, but these ghouls had a deadly trick up their sleeves. They have an attack that consists of grabbing their victim and then biting like maniacs, which deals a fairly ridiculous amount of damage. Also it’s unblockable. You Died.

The third try through, I handled the barbarians and ghouls quite deftly, and approached the blowdart sniper carefully. It only took two darts connecting to inflict me with toxic, so I moved in on him very slowly, deflecting darts with my shield. And then I stabbed the motherbuzzer right in the gut, and he crumpled over like a rag doll. The real benefit here was that he wouldn’t respawn if I died or visited a bonfire, making future trips through this area much safer.

I continued along the rickety bridge through the tunnel, taking down ghouls left and right along the way. Then, in the distance, I saw light. As I drew closer, I could see that I had reached an area suspended far above the ground. It consisted of a dark maze of wooden walkways and ladders. This area was the kind of place that caused the worst nightmares. This was Blighttown.

Blighttown was awful. Everything about it made me hate to more. The place was littered with ghouls and blowdart snipers, and also some tiny dog-like creatures that could breathe huge jets of flame at me. Fighting was a pain on the narrow pathways, and some floors were even so weak that they would give out under my weight, though luckily, none of those sent me to my doom. At least, not without the help of a pack of ghouls waiting at the bottom. You Died.

There was a bonfire right near the mouth of the tunnel that led to upper Blighttown, but it was still difficult to reach because of the winding paths. It was certainly nice to have a spot where I could let my guard down for a minute and assess what I could of the area. I noticed a shining item perched out on top of a wooden barricade, but the only way to get to it was to take a running leap from a much higher ledge. It was… a difficult jump to make. You Died.

Indeed, much more difficult than I’d assumed. You Died.

The prize, an Iaito, wasn’t even worth the effort, as I had no interest in learning to properly wield a katana at that point. No, my Drake Sword and pyromancy were enough for me for the time being.

Navigating the walkways and levels was difficult enough, and trying to find the path to all the treasures scattered about make the task even worse. I managed to collect everything after running around like a mad person and making more than a few dangerous leaps. Of course, whenever things seem to be going well, there’s a blowdart sniper waiting to toxify you, and you have no idea how to get back to the bonfire from wherever you’d managed to end up. You Died.

It took a long time to finally reach the bottom of Blighttown, and it wasn’t a whole lot better than the top. The blowdart snipers and ghouls were gone, replaced by a bunch of different creepy crawlies. The flame-spewing cragspiders were easy enough to deal with, but the giant mosquitos buzzing around were the most annoying enemies that I’d encountered up until that point. They were hard to hit, and would follow me around endlessly, biting me and flinging blood at me, both of which were poisonous attacks.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, the entire area was a poisonous swampland dotted with torches, where a safe place to stand was hard to find. I’d used up a lot of my Purple Moss Clumps before I finally found my way to a safe tunnel that concealed a bonfire.

Just as I left the safety of the tunnel, a phantom that called herself Maneater Mildred appeared out of nowhere and rushed me. Mildred wore nothing but a couple lean strips of leather over her girthy frame, and a simple sack over her head. She carried a sad-looking wooden shield in one hand, and a fighteningly oversized butcher knife in the other. She was certainly a sight to behold, but that’s about the most you could say about Mildred. The poor girl’s grossly overweight body and oversized weapon slowed her down to the point where she posed little to no threat to me, and I vanquished the phantom without breaking a sweat.

I wasn’t in much of a rush to explore the poisonous swamp that was lower Blighttown, so I settled back down by the bonfire and reflected on my journey up until now. It seemed like it had been ages since I set off, but what I didn’t know what that my adventure had really only just begun.

Tune in next week for Part 15: Webs N’ Boulders

Big Plans -OR- Fairly Transparent Filler

You know, maybe that post title is a little too harsh. I don’t really do filler these days, so it’s not like I need to poke fun at it the way I used to back when basically every post was filler.

As for the subject at hand, I wanted to take a moment to check in and talk about how the Year of Nintendo 64 is going. It’s largely a personal project, so it’s not like I’m taking notes and sharing this stuff with everyone I know. I’m not even committed to writing a full article about every game I play. That said, I still want to sort of chart a course for the rest of the year here, as a reminder to keep me on task, if nothing else.

I spent January rounding up a few new games that I’ll be mixing into the lineup of games that I already own. Truth be told, I didn’t actually own enough “beatable” 64 games to get me through the year, so making some acquisitions was a must. I reserve the right to change this at any time, but here’s the breakdown of what I’ll be playing each month:

  • January – Goldeneye 007
  • February – Body Harvest
  • March – Jet Force Gemini
  • April – Star Wars: Rogue Squadron
  • May – Quest 64
  • June – Doom 64
  • July – Gauntlet Legends
  • August – Bomberman 64
  • September – Donkey Kong 64
  • October – Army Men: Sarge’s Heroes
  • November – The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask
  • December – ?????

As you can see, I’ve come up slightly short. I do have a few other games that I could pop in there, but they’re either so short (Pokémon Snap) or I’ve played them recently enough (Banjo-Tooie) that I don’t feel like they’re a good fit for the project. They may still get some play, but they won’t be the main games. What really differentiates them? Nothing, I guess. My goal is one a month, I suppose that doesn’t mean I couldn’t play two in a month.

You know what? Nuts to it. I’mma pop some quarterly titles in there, because it’s an excuse to make another list. I know that the first quarter is almost up, but I just completed Super Mario 64 DS, and I’m willing to count that. Maybe I’ll play the original again anyway.

  • Q1 Bonus Round – Super Mario 64
  • Q2 Bonus Round – Pokémon Snap
  • Q3 Bonus Round – Mario Party 2
  • Q4 Bonus Round – Perfect Dark

There we go. Now if only I had social media’d this thing it might be more than me just concocting a weird excuse to play old games. I guess it’s still not too late, but I mean, we’re already in March. The hype phase is over. Whatever. My compulsion is to put words on a page, not to try to force people to read those words.

Trouble a-brewin’

So I got this message in my e-mail inbox a couple days ago:

ROCKY SNOW POPS.

Hello:
I need you to REMOVE this site immediately!!!
This is effecting my business and I will be forced to take legal action.
http://www.torrentialequilibrium.net/art0070.html
times have changed….everyone seeks internet today
and to get negative feedback from retailers is not acceptable.

I expect a response back immediately.

So yeah. That happened.

I did reply with a sternly-worded message about how I’m in the clear and that criticism is just something people have to deal with. Also I made fun of the broken English, but in a semi-professional way. I’m not entirely sure that this isn’t some weird new kind of spam, but we’ll all just have to wait and see if I get a response back.

I don’t get e-mails regarding TE and/or its content very often, but when I do, they’re always wildly entertaining. Or you could flip that W for the less hyperbolized version.

Monthend Video Game Wrap-Up: February 2014

Last month was so loaded down with entries in both of the main categories that I managed to forget to add a couple games, which will be included this month. Since I write these opening blurbs at the beginning of each month, I’m sitting here hoping that February’s list won’t be quite so full, but you just never know!

~ Now Playing ~

Super Mario 3D World (Wii U) – Yeah, still hacking away at this one. Technically, I’ve finished the game. I’ve beaten every level and collected every doo-dad, but this game makes you really go the extra mile for your 100% clear: you have to beat every level with all five characters. It may be a ridiculous task, but the game is so good that I’m happy to oblige. Except for the final two stages that are just crazy hard to the point of not really being fun anymore.

Continue reading Monthend Video Game Wrap-Up: February 2014

Dark Souls: Deeper and Deeper

Previously on Dark Souls: Morgan fought a big ol’ knight and eventually won. Then she fought a big ol’ dragon that killed her over and over.

The last battle with the Gaping Dragon had left all of my equipment in dire need of repair. My Drake Sword was even broken to the point of uselessness, and I was going to have to grind a whole lotta souls to afford to fix everything up proper. I began running around, killing all the slimes and rats that I could find, cursing myself for not having been able to avoid to dragon barf.

After the soul-harvesting was done, I returned to the bonfire only to discover that I’d not purchased an ACME Home Weapon Repair Kit. Whoops. And that’s how I ended up running all the way back to that stupid merchant up in the Undead Burg.

Finally, once all the running around was done and my equipment was back in tip-top condition, I lurched back into the Gaping Dragon’s domain, where I was killed yet again. You Died. Only this time, I wasn’t able to find my bloodstain and recover all the souls and humanity that it was holding onto for me. This was the point where I was about ready to throw up my hands and move onto a different game. But I decided to have one last crack at it before giving up forever. Again.

I downed another canned humanity and turned myself human so that I could summon Solaire again. He hadn’t been any help at all last time, but I figured that even if he died quickly again, he would be a distraction long enough for me to deal some meaningful damage to the dragon. It didn’t work out quite so smoothly, but luck was in my favour that day.

The dragon did immediately beeline for Solaire, and I used that opportunity to hack away at its legs, cleaving off a nice portion of the monster’s HP. It took notice of that though, and turned its attention on me. I focused on evading the dragon’s attacks while Solaire hurled javelins of light at it. Things were going well until I noticed the dragon lurch back and start to hack up something from deep inside of it. The corrosive vomit was coming, and I suddenly realized that I’d gotten myself pinned against a wall. If I was bathed in dragon bile again, it’d be the end for me, regardless of how well the fight was going otherwise.

I took off as fast as I could as the dragon started to spew, and I could feel the heat of its vomit on my back even before the sickening smell of it caught up with me. I jumped and dove as the wave splashed at my heels, and let out a sigh of relief as I watched the disgusting pool stop expanding just short of me. The dragon had already refocused on Solaire, and I clambered to my feet as quickly as I could to back him up.

I was too late though, and I watched Solaire’s phantom disappear in a flash of light. The loss didn’t hit me like last time though, and I steeled myself for the final assault. As the dragon charged at me, I rolled under its massive belly and got up behind it before it realized where I was. I spinted at it and sliced one of its rear legs with all my might. The creature bellowed, and I followed up with a flurry of stabs to its abdomen. The dragon turned to face me, and I quickly rolled away as it came crashing down in an attempt to crush me into its maw.

Stunned from the impact with the ground, the dragon was slow to recover, and I took the opportunity to finish it. I leapt at the beast and plunged my sword into its tiny skull, and the monster immediately flopped to the ground before evaporating in a haze of dust and light. I collapsed and laid there for a few moments, catching my breath and finding it hard to believe that I’d slain such a fierce creature.

I stood up and noticed an object on the ground in front of me, glimmering in the light coming in through the ceiling. It was a key. Did the Gaping Dragon drop this, or had it been there the whole time and I just failed to notice it in the heat of battle? Regardless of its origin, my immediate thought was that it probably unlocked the huge iron gate that was blocking my descent even farther into the Depths.

Key in hand, I returned to the gate and was a little surprised at my luck when it turned in the lock. The gate opened into a large cylindrical chamber, with a narrow path outlining a deep, dark hole. Needless to say, I returned to the bonfire before descending into the unknown.

I slid down the ladder leading down into the pit, Perhaps a little too eager to continue on my adventure. It came to an end on a rickety bridge across the pit that was little more than scaffolding with some shabby planks laid over it. I hopped down to a lower level, and before I could take two steps, a huge undead came shambling out of the dark tunnel. This undead was fat as all get out, and at least a head taller than me. He carried a spiked club that was almost as big as he was, which he proceeded to slam down in front of me. The bridge shook and I immediately ran for the ladder. The barbarian was big and stong, but he was stupid; he charged at me and tumbled right off the edge of the bridge, plummeting into the void below.

A second barbarian was waiting a little farther into the tunnel, and while I toyed with the idea of tricking him off the edge as well, I decided to engage in combat, as I’d need to learn how to fight them eventually. The barbarians fought a lot like Havel, what with the oversized clubs and all, but they aren’t quite as dangerous. I was able to block most of their attacks without taking HP damage.

I was a little too focused on the barbarian though, and during the struggle, didn’t even notice that a ghoul was standing off in the distance and sniping at me with a poisonous blowdart gun. It wasn’t untilI was overcome with a sickly feeling that I realized that I’d been toxified by the tiny darts. My life was draining quickly, and I started running for the bonfire. I was halfway up the ladder when everything went black. I felt my hands slip away from the ladder’s rungs and then I didn’t feel anything anymore. You Died.

Tune in next week for Part 14: Don’t You Just Love Poison?

Year of N64 – February: Body Harvest

If GoldenEye 007 was one of my most played Nintendo 64 games, I suppose it makes sense to follow it up with one that I have never played and know virtually nothing about. For the sake of contrast, you see.

Indeed, I had never played Body Harvest before The Year of Our Lord 2014. I had barely even ever heard anything about the game. I remember reading an early preview of it Nintendo Power, but I don’t recall ever seeing any actual coverage of it in the magazine. Googling seems to confirm there was never full coverage of the game, just a few hints stuffed into the Classified Information section.

On top of that, Nintendo really gave Body Harvest the shaft. The game was originally supposed to be a launch title for the N64, with Nintendo as the publisher. But they didn’t like it, and dropped it, leaving the game sitting in limbo for a little over two years before it was finally picked up and released. The developer, DMA Design, later became the studio that people know much better as Rockstar North.

So if you think about it, if Nintendo had played nicer with DMA, maybe Grand Theft Auto would have been a Nintendo game, or at least multiplatform thing instead of a big hit for the Playstation. Maybe.

Continue reading Year of N64 – February: Body Harvest

Get Weird

There’s this band that I’ve been following for a while, We Are The In Crowd. They’re another pop-punk group, which is apparently my current thing. Anyway, I got their first album, Best Intentions, some time last year and thought it was pretty rad. Truth be told though, I dug their EP, Guaranteed to Disagree, even more.

Weird Kids is their second studio album, which just released last Tuesday. First thing I did when I woke up that morning was to boot up iTunes and get that sucker downloading. It’s not too often that I pay enough attention to the music world to get really excited about an upcoming album, but I was almost unreasonably hyped for Weird Kids. In the weeks leading up to its release, I found myself constantly checking iTunes to see if it was out yet even though I was well aware of the release date.

And I guess that’s really the best thing I can say about social media. I kind of hate it in general, but I do appreciate how easy social media makes it to keep abreast of what my favourite bands are working on. I kept seeing WATIC on my Facebook feed promoting Weird Kids, and it absolutely worked on me. Twitter is still a horrible mess of stupid, meaningless garbage posts, though.

Back to the album in question, Weird Kids is absolutely the ideal sophomore album. A little deeper, a little rougher, a little more varied. I could probably say all the same nice things about it that I said about Tonight Alive’s The Other Side last year. There’s a notable amount of growth on display here, and I really love the direction that WATIC went with it. It’s got much less of a pop vibe than their previous works, and veers more towards a punk/alternative style. At the very least, it’s a more refined kind of pop, working hard not to be mindless radio trash.

If I had to knock it for one thing, it’s that there’s way less back-and-forth between Tay and Jordan’s vocals than in their previous works. It’s one of the things that really defined WATIC to me, so I miss it, but Tay is definitely a stong enough singer to carry the bulk of the vocal work on her own.

I won’t bother to give “detailed” breakdowns of songs or anything, because I’m pretty terrible at that. I will say that I’m super happy with Weird Kids. Like Tonight Alive and Go Radio, We Are The In Crowd is one of those bands that I’m really into that nobody I know has ever heard of, so I’m making it my mission to spread the word as much as I can. So here, have a music video.

And a music video that’s not on fringgin’ VEVO at that. HA! Suck it, VEVO.

Will the crafting never end?

Obviously I bought Lightning Returns: Final Fantasy XIII-3 last week, as I’ve been waiting impatiently for it for roughly a year. Pre-ordered it even, and got a bunch of free in-game gear for my troubles. It did not, however, come with the super-cool Tomb Raider costume and equipment, so I had to go out on the weekend and get me an Xbox Dollars card so that I could buy it.

After I bought that though, I still had a bunch of credit left on my account, and with nothing immediately striking my fancy, I decided to finally give in to temptation and get myself Minecraft: Xbox 360 Edition.

Best decision I’ve made in ages, as it turns out. Of course, I knew how much I liked playing Minecraft from the couch, as I spent a lot of time goofing around in the demo and playing it with my brother-in-law at his place. But I really cannot express how much more enjoyable I find Minecraft to be when I’m not shackled to my computer desk and the keyboard/mouse controls.

The really fun thing about it is that I since I played the demo so much, I was awarded half of the game’s achievements when I booted up the unlocked version. It kind of makes me wish I’d been even more diligent and unlocked them all via the demo version so I could have received them all in one fell swoop.

The only problem here is that now I’m probably going to spend all my free time playing Xbox Minecraft instead of other games. Of course, pretty much every video game is a waste of time, but at least you get a sense of accomplishment from games with more clearly defined objectives. Playing Minecraft alone is the comfort food of video games, but I guess it’s still more “productive” than watching TV or lying on the couch doing nothing all day.

What? You want to hear more about Lightning Returns? Maybe another day. I have a lot to say about that one. All positive, too.

Dark Souls: Back to the Sewers

Previously on Dark Souls: Morgan left the sewers to explore the jungle, and slayed a gigantic magical butterfly.

The Watchtower Basement Key was an exciting find, but the Divine Ember was more immediately useful. On my way out of Darkroot Garden, Andrei noticed me lugging the thing around and told me that if I gave it to him, he could make divine weapons for me. I had no use for the thing, so I gave it to him, and had him forge my battle axe into a divine battle axe. It didn’t seem like a great tradeoff at the time, because divine weapons draw power from the Faith stat, of which Morgan was lacking. However, a few updates later, it would prove incredibly useful.

Back to the Watchtwoer Key, I paraded all over the damn place looking for the locked door that it belonged to. Eventually I found it, at the bottom of the Taurus Demon’s tower. It led down into the basement (just like it said it would), and at the bottom I met a big, mean knight. His name was Havel and he wielded a massive Dragon’s Tooth as a weapon. Also he could kill me in one hit if my guard was down. You Died.

Havel was one tough cookie, and the key to beating him was definitely to try to roll away from his attacks rather than blocking them. This caused trouble for me in three ways. 1. I was pretty accustomed to blocking, and hadn’t really bother learning how to dodge when blocking was working so well. 2. I was wearing armor a little above my weight threshold, and as such it slowed my movements enough that dodging his attacks was hard. 3. He hit so hard that even a successful block would still result in me losing a chunk of my health. It was also hard to get a swig of Estus in without him noticing the huge opening. You Died.

This was the point where I had to finally switch out my +7 chain mail armor and Fang Boar Helm for lighter equipment. The speed penatly had been offset by a strong defense until now, but that wasn’t working here. Fortunately, gaining the ability to roll properl helped out a lot against Havel. It wasn’t quite enough on its own though. You Died.

In the end, I triumphed over Havel by chucking firebombs and magical fire orbs at him while he plodded up the stairs towards me. I ran out of stock before he died, but he’d been weakened enough that I was able to finish him before he killed me again. My reward was a ring that allowed me to increase my weight burden, allowing me to wear heavier gear without the speed penalty. I would never equip this ring.

I was much more excited to see what was on the other side of the door at the bottom of the tower. As it turned out, it was Darkroot Basin. Hooray. I decided I might as well explore a little, since I wasn’t quite sure where I came out. But as I walked into a nearby clearing, I heard the sound of watery doom heading my way, and I had just enough time to slide behind a boudler as the water shots crashed all around me. I ran back to the door as fast as I could.

Out of other ideas, I worked my way back through Lower Undead Burg and the Depths until I’d reached the bonfire there. I rested up a bit and then went back in as deep as I’d been before. The huge gate was still locked, and I proceeded into the courtyard blocked by a Fog Gate. The area just screamed “boss fight” but it was unusually quiet. I meandered around a bit, but nothing happened and there was nothing to find. Until I got closer to the far ledge…

Suddenly, a grotesque lizard-looking creature peered over the side, and I backed away slowly. But as the creature rose into view, it began to take much bigger, more fearsome appearance. The Gaping Dragon was a massive six-legged abomination whose entire torso was a giant mouth filled with gnashing teeth. I did not want to be anywhere near it, but the Fog Gate kept me from running away with my tail between my legs.

I tried my best to keep my distance from the creature as best I could, getting in a few hits here and there when it would charge past me. The monster was far quicker than its size suggested, and I was only able to maintain my distance from the beast as it ambled towards me. I ducked away from swipes of its lengthy claws, and just barely avoided being sucked into the whirling mass of teeth. The fight was going well until the dragon leapt into the air. It hovered there for a moment, and I dashed away, hoping to find cover from whatever was about to happen. Then the beast slammed down on me hard and squashed my body like a tube of yogurt. You Died.

I went back right away for a second round with the Gaping Dragon, and it didn’t go nearly as well as the first. While I did manage to avoid a dive-bomb this time around, I didn’t inflict nearly as much damage on it before it grabbed me and thust me into its horrifying maw. You Died.

Taking a cue from the fight with the Bell Gargoyles, I decided to turn human before round three. Not relishing the idea of grinding for it, I used up one of my humanity items and became human again. As luck would have it, Solaire had posted a summon sign right in front of the Fog Gate, and I called on his help for the fight. It was all for naught though, as the Gaping Dragon tore Solaire to pieces before he could turn the tide in our favour.

I was stunned by Solaire’s death, and before I came back to my senses, the dragon scuttled over to me and barfed all over me, which heavily damaged any of my equipment that it didn’t instantly break. I didn’t have much of a leg to stand on after that, and the dragon gleefully finished me off. You Died.

Tune in next week for Part 13: Deeper and Deeper: