Talking about Sleigh Bells

I’m sure that I’ve mentioned before that for at least the last decade, I’ve been introduced to a lot of music through video games. Maybe that seems weird, but I don’t know any music nerds, so it’s not like I have anyone constantly chiding my tastes and telling me what I should be listening to. In fact, I think that I might be the biggest music nerd I know, on the basis of I’m the only person I know who even tried to write about music. And I’m kind of a dick when people listen to things I don’t like. That, I think, would be the better example.

Ever since the first Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater, I’ve been picking out songs I like that are included on game soundtracks and following up to see what the bands are all about. A great many of my favourite bands were introduced to me through video games. Thrice, Paramore, The Vandals, Anamanaguchi, Dragonforce. The list goes on.

But today, let’s talk about Sleigh Bells. If you haven’t guessed yet, this post is not just an anecdote, but my monthly attempt to write some semi-coherent thoughts about music. This is where most people will stop reading.

Their debut album, Treats, is my most recent iTunes purchase, and a pretty good one at that. I often sit and listen to track previews for weeks or even months before purchasing an album from a new band, because I’m very indecisive by nature. But with Treats, I pretty much just shouted “Take my money!” at my phone as I mashed the Buy Album button.. It should be noted that I was at work when I bought this album.

SleighBells–Treats

Let’s start at the start. Sleigh Bells have a song featured in Lollipop Chainsaw called “Riot Rhythm” that I was totally into, but never bothered to look up. It wasn’t until I heard it again in Saints Row: The Third that I decided to look into this band a little deeper.

I won’t lie, Sleigh Bells, to most people, will simply sound like noise. It’s eclectic and eccentric and all over the place. But there’s also an order to it all, if you’re willing to actually listen and absorb what you’re hearing. I think “brilliant” might be overselling them a little, but they’re in that ballpark somewhere.

Sleigh Bells is the kind of band that you would never expect that I’d like.

The album is not perfect. In fact, it does a lot of the thing I generally dislike in music. Mindless repetition, for example. The lyrics of the song “A/B Machines” are simply “Got my A machines on the table/Got my B machines in the drawer” repeated for three and a half minutes. Yet it’s one of my favourite songs from Treats. The thing about Sleigh Bells is that you’ve simply got to accept the vocals as another instrument, not an actual voice trying to say something. A few songs have a little more depth to their lyrics, but it’s perfectly safe to consider Treats an instrumental album.

The middle of the album is a little weak, too. The first four songs and the last four song are wonderful and I could listen to them forever, but the three in the middle are sort of slow and bland. They’re not unlistenable or anything, but there’s definitely a lull in there. It lacks the energy and creativity of the rest of the album.

That’s it; I’ll keep it short. If you need more to work with before you try Sleigh Bells out for yourself, go listen to “Riot Rhythm,” “Infinity Guitars,” and “A/B Machines”  on YouTube. It’s worth ten minutes of your time, don’t you think?

Fourteen Stupid Ryan Facts

Ryan likes to do kung-fu kicks when nobody’s looking.

Ryan drinks between two and four cappuccinos every work day.

Ryan generally doesn’t drink coffee on weekends.

Ryan dreams about living a carefree life on the high seas.

Ryan’s greatest fear is ghosts. And recently, murderous robots.

Ryan suffers from trichotillomania, specifically in the mustache area.

Ryan dislikes hot weather.

Ryan hits the snooze button on his alarm up to seven times some mornings.

Ryan is not a fan of dress pants.

Ryan tries a little too hard to hold on to his past.

Ryan is not a bear.

Ryan does wish that he could do a better Winnie the Pooh voice, though.

Ryan sometimes wonders what ambition feels like.

Ryan is hungry.

Smash Speculation: Shiftry

The amount of Pokémon characters in Smash Bros rises by two in each incarnation. The first game had two, Melee had four, and Brawl (technically) had six. So far, only four are confirmed for Smash 4, and I’m assuming that Jigglypuff isn’t getting the boot, so there must be one more hiding just in the shadows…

~ Shiftry ~

smashshifrty

In Brawl, the Pokémon Trainer character was actually three different fighters that switched off: Squirtle, Ivysaur, and Charizard. They were of water-, grass-, and fire-types. Charizard is now a solo character, and Greninja has stepped up to the plate to represent water-type pokémon. That leaves an empty slot for a grass-type to fill.

Get it? Leaves?

Now, this is all just speculation (duh) based on trends in both series. And there are tons of grass-type pokémon to choose from. Grass is one of the most prolific pokémon types, in fact. So I picked one. There aren’t many grass-types that i’m overly fond of, and my favourite (Pumpkaboo) isn’t quite grassy enough to fit the spot.

Shiftry really isn’t either, but at least it has some visible leaves on it. Though Shiftry isn’t very popular. A quick bit of research shows that Shiftry is competitively viable, but there are plenty of better choices. Shiftry has only ever been on my team in a Pokémon game once, and even then I only raised it for one very specific fight, but I got to like the little guy.

Shiftry is a combination grass- and dark-type pokémon, and looks like a tengu. These traits would reflect in its moveset. It would probably be fairly quick, but i likely wouldn’t hit too hard, and wouldn’t have many moves that are good for launching. It would probably dart around a lot, and it looks like it should have a pretty good air game. Its leafy… arms? fans? would be its main weapons, but I can see it working in some kicks and maybe even a heatbutt.

That said, I don’t think that Shiftry is the kind of fighter that would have very interesting smash attacks. They’d probably just be stronger variations of its standard attacks. A big swipe with its arms for forward, a crouching spin with its arms outstretched for down, and maybe that heatbutt would be up. See, pretty standard stuff.

What would be fun is if its Early Bird ability was factored in, and it would only succumb to sleep attacks for half as long as any other fighter would. You could also conceivably use the Pickpocket ability, which would give Shiftry a chance of stealing an item that an opponent is holding when Shiftry attacks them. Its third potential ability, Chlorophyll, gives a speed boost in sunny weather, but that might be too situational to work into Smash.

It’s specials would be based on its moves from the Pokémon games, just like all the other pokémon fighters. Its neutral special would be the dark-type Payback. Yet another special that could be filed under counterattacks, Payback would leave Shiftry immobile for a second as it charges an attack. If it’s hit before attacking, Payback does double damage and launches the enemy. Otherwise it would just be a fairly standard hit. Payback can only be interrupted by throws.

Forward special is Feint Attack. Shiftry zips behind its opponent and attacks for moderate damage. This attack can’t be evaded with a dodge, but it can still be blocked. It’s really either this or some kind of grassy projectile like Seed Bomb or Razor Leaf. I was thinking maybe Solar Beam, with the caveat of it decreasing Shiftry’s attack power for a few seconds after being used, but I’m not sure I like that, or that it really fits the character.

I wanted to give Shiftry something really unique, so I suggest that its down special would be Grassy Terrain, which sprouts grass all over the ground in a certain area around Shiftry. When standing in said grass, Shiftry’s damage percentage slowly decreases and it gets an attack power boost. This might be too much of a boon though, and I’m not sure whether it could be balanced well. The healing rate would have to be pretty low, and only one Grassy Terrain could be laid down at a time. It’s not like a Shiftry player could just run around and turn the entire stage to grass. I don’t know how long the grass would persist, either. Maybe somewhere between five and ten seconds?

Lastly, Shiftry’s up special is Leaf Tornado. If used while standing, the tornado forms around Shiftry and then moves forward a few body lengths before dissipating. In the air though, it forms around Shiftry and lifts the pokémon upwards. Coming in contact with the tornado causes damage in either scenario, but it’ll catch anyone it hits if it’s moving horizontally and drag them along until it vanishes. Nothing really special here, but it’s functional and has different uses depending on the situation.

I thought long and hard about Shiftry’s final smash, and the obvious answer is Solar Beam. But I don’t want to use Solar Beam. Instead, I choose Leaf Storm. With this move, a large sphere of leaves whirl around Shiftry and increase its movement speed, and crashing into foes will cause damage. When you come in contact with another fighter, you can mash the attack button to grab them with the leaves and cause continuous damage, with the stipulation that you’re immobile while doing so.

I’m sure you’re still wondering why Smash needs a grass-type pokémon. Short answer: it doesn’t. But fire, water, and grass have an important relationship in the Pokémon series, and it would just be super weird for Smash Bros to only represent two of the three. Shiftry is my personal favourite for the spot, but only because Abomasnow and Pumpkaboo wouldn’t really fit into a hyperactive fighting game as well.

Previous: Dixie Kong

Next: Paper Mario

Monthend Video Game Wrap-Up: August 2014

Hey so summertime is drawing to a close, not that that means anything for adults. I guess if you’re a teacher, it’s good times, but for the rest of us it just means that you’re covered in sweat after your commutes to and from work. Hooray.

I had another vacation week in August, so I put it to good use and cleared off a few half-finished games from my backlog. But then I started up a whole new series of games, so it’s all been moot. It’s not like I had anything else worth doing. I got my yard work done too, at least.

~ Now Playing~

Saints Row: The Third (PC) – I don’t know what to say about this yet. I’ve only completed the intro missions, and I’ve mostly been driving around the city at random, collecting stuff and doing assassination missions. I’ve done a few story missions, and unlocked a sweet penthouse base. Also an unlimited supply of fighter planes!? This is absolutely the most fun I’ve had with an open-world game of this style. But somehow it’s missing fast travel. Lame. I hate having to hoof it all the way back to base when my aircraft inevitably explodes.

Continue reading Monthend Video Game Wrap-Up: August 2014

Year of N64 – August – Bomberman 64

Bomberman 64 took me the entire month to finish, despite the fact that the game clock only reads about two hours of playtime. I can’t explain this phenomenon in any other way than a simple “I had no desire to play it.”

Where did that lack of interest come from? It could be because I had filled my plate well over its edges in August, and simply was so busy with other, more relevant video games that I couldn’t be bothered to make time for Bomberman. Or it could just have something to do with Bomberman 64 not being all that fun. Spoiler: It’s both of those reasons.

I used to love Bomberman. Like, you have no idea. I bought Bomberman Generations for a whopping $100 when it first came out (though I can’t tell you why it was so ridiculously overpriced). I couldn’t help it, I was a stupid teenager at the time. As time moves on though, I find myself less and less enchanted with the franchise. Playing the classic multiplayer mode is still probably the most fun you can have with video games, but single-player Bomberman doesn’t really interest me at all any more.

So it really doesn’t help that Bomberman 64 is fairly lackluster. First of all, it’s a short game. A really, really short game. There are five worlds, and each world is made up of four stages. Two of those stages are action/puzzle levels, where you explore, blow stuff up, and make your way to the exit. The other two stages are a duel with an evil bomber-person, and the world boss. so really you’re only looking at ten stages total. Well, twelve, but more on that later.

The action stages are fairly fun. For the most part, they put you in a big open level, and then leave you to your business of finding the exit. They all have some sort of puzzle element, like chasing down an enemy who has stolen the exit (???) or closing a series of dams so that you can traverse previously waterlogged areas. Not all of them are very inspired though. One level simply has three levers right next to the exit that you have to trigger by throwing bombs at them.

Throwing bombs is a big deal though, and ends up being one of the major gimmicks of Bomberman 64’s gameplay. In the 2D games, Bomberman needs a special item to pick up and throw bombs, but here it’s an innate ability. Not only can you pick up and toss bombs, but you can also pump them up to make big bombs, which are necessary in pretty much every stage, as they can destroy things that normal bombs can’t (usually scenery). You’ve also got to be good at throwing bombs to injure most of the bosses, but it’s a little more annoying there. See, you don’t just press a button after laying a bomb to pick it up. You need to step away, turn around, and then pick it up. Bomberman can be a little finnicky about this. If you get too close, he’ll just kick it, and if you’re on uneven ground, there’s a very good chance that he just won’t do anything. In a regular stage, it’s not a dealbreaker, but during hectic boss fights, it can be a real pain in the patoot.

Bomber duels are still the most annoying part of the game though. Imagine if you will, a one-on-one Bomberman game against an AI player in a wide open arena. They’re faster than you, and they can use a special projectile attack in addition to their bombs. It’s not a good time. Fortunately, the evil bombers in this one are a little stupider than in later games. On more than one occasion I witnessed an enemy bomber try to walk through a bomb, and simply keep rubbing up against it until it blew up. The actual bosses are somewhat less difficult, as they’re big monsters with defined attack patterns, and at least one is susceptible to a one-hit kill. That or the game glitched in my favour. That’s not to say that they’re easy, but they’re less frustrating than the bombers.

The game pads itself out a little by offering a small selection of collectibles for you to find. First are the costume pieces, which I’ll talk about in a bit. Then there are the Gold Cards. There are five of these in each stage. They show up in later Bomberman games as well (as “Lightning Cards”), and have been a source of many a headache for me. Some of them are just tucked away in corners, one is a reward for beating a stage under a certain time. I assume that some are earned by completing a special requirement and possibly for killing so many foes in a stage, but I mostly just ignored them so I can’t say that for sure The problem with that is that the real final world unlocks after you earn all 100 Gold Cards. I decided that it wasn’t really worth the time or effort.

The multiplayer in Bomberman 64 is exactly what you’d expect, and I don’t feel that I have to really say anything about it. Who isn’t familiar with multiplayer Bomberman? The one note that I need to make is that the costume parts that you collect in the single-player mode and use to dress up your Bomberman are only usable in multiplayer. It’s kind of silly that you can’t use your custom Bomberman in the story mode, but what can you do?

It’s important to note that Bomberman 64 was the very first 3D Bomberman, so that goes a way in explaining why the game is rough around the edges. The later games did get better, so the issues with Bomberman 64 are definitely more growing pains than anything else. And it’s not like there’s even anything explicity wrong with the game; it just doesn’t do anything overly interesting with that extra dimension. f you’ve got to play a Nintendo 64 Bomberman, play Bomberman 64: The Second Attack. It’s a little more meaty, and has a cooperative story mode. I probably should have played that instead, now that I think about it…

Smash Speculation: Dixie Kong

Super Smash Bros has two Kong characters. The problem is that Donkey Kong is a crappy fighter and Diddy Kong… well I just plain hate Diddy. Always have, always will. It’s time to bring a respectable monkey into the fray.

~ Dixie Kong ~

smashdixie

For the record, I would also accept Salsa, the monkey from Mother 3. But that’s another post entirely.

Dixie is one of the many, many third-string members of the Kong family. Even though she’s had two starring roles and played back-up at least three times, you really don’t see or hear very much about her. It’s really too bad, because as far as gameplay goes, she’s probably the most useful Kong that there ever was or ever will be. That ponytail twirl is a force to be reckoned with.

After Donkey Kong Country 3, where she got to be the main hero, Dixie was stripped of her relevance and only really appeared in spin-off games. She barely even got a mention in Donkey Kong 64, where she was replaced by her younger sister, Tiny Kong. Only recently did Dixie return to the limelight when she was included as one of the support characters in Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze. Even then, her appearance was overshadowed by the megaton announcement of Cranky Kong also being a support character in the same game.

So let’s give Dixie the respect she deserves! I can’t imagine for the life of me what her regular attacks would be, because I just focus on the show-stealers: the smashes and the specials. I think that she’d probably move and attack fairly similarly to Diddy, even going to far as to have most of her standard attacks copied over directly from Diddy. That’s quite alright though, as Diddy doesn’t have a terrible set of basic attacks.

Her one defining trait in that regard, naturally, would be the ponytail. She would put it to its best use in the air, where with would allow her to spin indefinitely to slow her descent. It’s not an attack, but it would be excellent for recovery. Her dashing attack would also use it, recreating her main attack method in the DKC games. She’d more than likely use the ponytail for her throws as well. God knows how that works. Is there… is there another limb inside her ponytail?

So how about them smashes? I really like the idea of Dixie throwing a barrel as her forward smash. No reason it can’t be a medium-range attack. Where did the barrel come from? It doesn’t matter. Smash characters pull props out of nowhere all the time. Down smash would be a ponytail sweep in front and then in back. Up smash is harder, but I think it would be funny if she swiped upwards with the guitar that she plays after clearing a stage in DKC2.

Dixie’s up special should have her pull out Squawks the parrot and hang onto his talons as he flies her upward. Just like Snake’s cypher. Only difference here is that you could have Squawks spit out coconuts by hitting the attack button until he reaches his apex and Dixie lets go. Coming in contact with Squawks himself might cause a little damage too.

Neutral special would have Dixie steal Tiny Kong’s feather bow from DK64. Again, it’s a similarity to Diddy, but his peanut popguns have a slowish rate of fire, while the feather bow would shoot faster but cause less damage. Actually, when you think about it that way, it’s more like Fox’s blaster than anything.

Side special makes Dixie hop on Rambi the rhinoceros and charge forward, though you can steer him left and right. Rambi will smack anyone in his way with his horn, which does moderate damage and has a high knockback rate. If someone attacks Rambi, Dixie will be knocked off and Rambi will run into the void. If not hit, Dixie will automatically dismount after a few seconds and Rambi will run off. Think a living version of Wario’s bike.

It took a while to come up with Dixie’s down special, but eventually I decided on having her pull out a TNT barrel, which can then be thrown for big damage. It’s a little like Link’s bombs, but much heavier and slower, since it’ll hit a lot harder. You could also conceivably put the barrel down instead, where it will explode on its own after a few seconds. Perhaps the odd time when you put down the barrel, instead of exploding, a Kaboom will emerge and run at the nearest player.

For the final smash, Dixie calls in her little cousin Kiddy Kong, who throws a massive tantrum. Anyone caught in the “scream field” will be stunned, and Kiddy’s pounding on the floor will cause quake damage to anyone nearby. Not the most damaging or deadly final smash, but it will annoy the crap out of any other players, and I feel like that’s more than enough to make it worthwhile. Of course, feel free to spitball some other ideas if you don’t like it.

I maybe didn’t build Dixie as impressively as I could have, but I think that with a skillset at least somewhat resembling the one I’ve outlined, she could be a real contender. It’d be nice to finally have a competent Kong in the game. Plus, Dixie was supposed to be in Brawl, but got scrapped at some point (she still has fighter data on the disc), so there’s probably a good chance that she will actually show up in Smash 4. I’ve got money on her being a slightly modified Diddy clone.

Previous: Shovel Knight

Next: Shiftry

Horsin’ around

I’ve only watched an episode and a half, but already I’m totally smitten with the latest Netflix original series: BoJack Horseman.

bojack

It’s an animated series about a washed-up sitcom actor, who also happens to be a horse. I guess the first season is supposed to be about him writing his memoirs, and also having adventures of some sort on the side. Like I said, I’ve only seen an episode and a half, but so far it’s hilarious, and that’s enough to keep me interested.

So why should you watch it? Will Arnett is the voice of BoJack, Amy Sedaris and Allison Brie play secondary characters. Patton Oswalt guest stars as a down-on-his-luck penguin. There is an extended scene of BoJack barfing up a mountain of cotton candy in the first episode. What else do you need to know? Seriously.

Ninja Turtles 2014

tmnt2014I saw the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. It’s not a good movie, but I liked it. I walked out of the theater with that excited feeling you get after seeing an action movie, and the rest of the crowd seemed pretty content as well.

More than anything, this movie has made me realize how much I hate nerds. No, this movie is not going to win any awards. It’s not deep. It’s not artsy. But it was never supposed to be. It’s a summer action blockbuster. It’s not supposed to make you think, it’s just supposed to be fun. So shut up, nerds, and just friggin’ Enjoy A Thing.

I may be a little biased, of course, so take that with a grain of salt.

Anyway, while my overall opinion on the movie is “I had a good time,” there were plenty of things that caused my nerdy self to squirm.

First thing: Splinter. I don’t mind the new physical design, but what’s the deal with his voice? I understand that he’s not a Japanese man-turned-rat here, but he just doesn’t sound very Splintery. And doing an Italian accent? Yeesh. Also, what even is going on with his tail? Can it just extend and retract at will? Because that’s what it looked like. And that’s just stupid. I don’t care if he’s a mutant or not. It’s dumb and is probably the thing that bugged me the most.

I also didn’t care for Shredder’s suit. The gauntlets covered in retractable blades are one thing, but the fact that they shoot out and then fly back into the gauntlets? That’s a bit too silly, even for me. But I get it; if I were eight years old, I would be over the moon for a Shredder with gloves that shoot boomerang blades. If fact, it’s probably something I doodled in a schoolbook back when I was that age.

It also feels Shredder almost seemed like he was shoehorned into a movie where he didn’t really belong. He wasn’t really the big bad ninja crime lord that we know and love, he was essentially just the muscle for the real villain of the film. He had absolutely nothing in the way of character development. Yes, his inclusion made for some good (and characteristically brutal) fight scenes, but that could have been accomplished by making the Foot Clan actual ninjas rather than your run-of-the-mill private army. I know you’re modernizing it for the Call of Duty generation, but… is that really necessary? My point is that Shredder would have better served as the main villain of the inevitable sequel.

You know what? Karai should have been the ninja boss of this movie. She was there the whole damn time, but she didn’t really do anything. And it would have worked perfectly, too. Turtles warm up on Shredder’s apprentice in the first movie, and then move onto the main main in the sequel. It practically writes itself.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles suffers the same problem as the live-action Transformers movies: too much reliance on humans when people are there specifically to see the titular non-human characters. I don’t give a rat’s patoot about Megan Fox. Sure, she can pal around with them, but she should not be the main character of the film. On the other hand, that did allow for Will Arnett to have plenty of screen time, and that’s never a bad thing.

The whole chase/mountainside scene that formed the middle of the film was completely unnecessary and out of character for the franchise. It just felt really weird. It took me a while, but I’ve realized that Ninja Turtles is actually just a classic James Bond flick in disguise. I could go into detail about how I came to that conclusion, but that’s another post. It’d probably be longer than this one, even.

So what’s good about it? The Turtles are great, it’s just that they don’t get enough focus or characterization because it’s gotta be all Megan Fox all the time in this one. And I don’t care what anyone says, I like the new designs (they’re just a little too tall). I love that Donatello wears glasses, and I never thought that I’d like Raph as a massive bruiser as much as I do. The fight scenes pleased me to no end, aside from Splinter’s extendable tail and Shredder’s overblown hardware. It was funny; a very good percentage of the jokes made me laugh out loud. Karai was in it. She didn’t really do anything, but she’s established at least. Maybe she’ll have a bigger actual role in the sequel.

At the end of the day, though, I enjoyed it. Like I said at the top, it’s not a good movie, but it’s fun enough if you just take it on its own terms. If you’re looking for actual good TMNT media, check out the Nickelodeon cartoon or the current comic series. The former is excellent and the latter is outstanding. Seriously, go get you some of that. I love that comic.

Smash Speculation: Shovel Knight

Smash 4 already has three third-party characters. I fully understand that it’s almost impossible that another one will show up at this point, but I’ve got to let my inner fanboy out, if even for just a little while…

~ Shovel Knight ~

smashknight

If you ignore the whole third-party business, Shovel Knight isn’t a totally impossible dream. His game was originally developed with Nintendo systems in mind (and also PC, but whatever), and it has done quite well for itself on the Wii U and 3DS. I’ve even heard from a handful of people that they think Shovel Knight has the best implementation of StreetPass in any game to date. So that’s something.

Anyway, Shovel Knight is a nearly perfect video game, and its titular character is a unique and versatile fighter. He’s got a bevy of special attacks, and his main weapon is a shovel! It works mostly like a sword, but make no mistake, there’s plenty of actual shoveling to go along with the monster-slaying. As a video game character, he would fit in perfectly with the Smash Bros crowd. I just don’t know if he’d fit a 3D render well. Maybe he’d just show up as a flat character like Mr. Game & Watch.

His basic attacks would obviously be shovel-based. In most video games, when you whack an enemy, the enemy bounces back a little. However, in Shovel Knight, when you whack an enemy, Shovel Knight bounces back a little. It takes a long time to get used to, and while it would be a weird quirk in Smash, I’m not sure I’d want to incorporate it. It would simply make it impossible for Shovel Knight to combo. It’d all come down to single hits, which is not an overly effective play style. He’d absolutely keep his ability to pogo off of enemies, as that’s just a lot of fun to do on it’s own, regardless of its effectiveness in battle (it would be effective in battle though).

Needless to say, his basic down attack would be to simply dig. The action itself would cause little damage, but bits of dirt and other debris would fly up as they’re unearthed to hit a little harder. I think it would be neat if this move also occasionally unearthed items.

Shovel Knight gains a total of eleven different “relics” over the course of his adventure. I’ve found a way to incorporate all of them into his moveset, even though the final few took a little more elbow grease than I’d have liked. In this way, he’ll be kinda similar to how Snake was in Brawl, where he fights with a bevy of gadgets that maybe make him a little bit harder to learn than your average fighter. His first trick, the Mobile Gear, would be his dashing attack. It’s a little gear that SK stands on as it wheels forward, damaging any foes that it crashes into. SK could still swing his shovel too, to hit enemies that jump up out of the Mobile Gear’s path. It wouldn’t stop until it hits a wall, and it does a little hop off of edges, just like in the source material.

Side smash is the Dust Knuckles, a large set of gauntlets that propel Shovel Knight slightly forward as he punches, and can be chained endlessly as long as there is something to hit in front of him. You’d pass through an enemy after two punches though, to keep it from being able to stunlock guys to death. Up smash is the Throwing Anchor, which works just like a Castlevania axe. Travels in a high arc. There isn’t much to it. Down smash is the War Horn, which knocks away all enemies in a short radius. It wouldn’t cause very much damage, instead being mostly a crowd control ability.

Neutral special is Flare Wand. It shoots a fireball straight forward. There is literally nothing else that I can add to this.

Up special is the Phase Locket. It gives Shovel Knight about two seconds of invincibility. He is immobile for about half a second when he uses it. There has to be some sort of control on it though, as it could be really cheap. Maybe SK wouldn’t be able to hit anyone or pick up any items while phased? Perhaps it just needs to charge before being used again. Or maybe we turn it into yet another counterattack move. But I really don’t want to resort to that unless there’s absolutely no other way to properly balance it. Or is it balanced enough by not providing any sort of recovery? Can the world accept another character without a triple jump?

Side special is the Propeller Dagger. This is SK’s recovery move, but it only works horizontally. Shovel Knight thrusts forward with dagger in hand, flying a good distance forward and impaling any foes on the way. It’s another fairly straightforward attack that I don’t feel needs to be elaborated on.

Down special uses the Alchemy Coin. I’m not entirely sure on how I want to play this one. In the original game, the coin rolls along the floor and turns any monsters it touches into money. It could just do the rolling part here and cause damage, since I doubt we’re going to be turning fighters into cash. I suppose it could have a chance of knocking items out of anyone it hits? We’ll have to workshop it.

Shovel Knights taunts are also important! His up taunt will produce a Troupple Chalice, and when full, it will provide one of three effects: small damage recovery, brief invincibility, or temporarily make items gravitate towards SK. The chalice can only be used once! Unless you use down taunt near a ledge, which will use the Fishing Rod. Using it on solid ground will only make it hit the ground and do nothing, but it would cause one or two percent damage to anyone it hits. If used on a ledge and the hook goes off the bottom of the screen, a troupple will be fished up and fill your chalice. The effect that you gain would be random. I think that’s kind of a neat way to go about it.

Lastly, Shovel Knight’s final smash would use the Chaos Spheres. In it, he would lift off the ground a little bit, and then start chucking Chaos Spheres in all directions (the player can control this), which bounce off of any solid objects (including other players) they hit and cause a reasonable amount of damage. Even when the attack is over, the spheres would persist until they’ve all bounced off the screen. You might think that calling in Shield Knight or the Black Knight might make for a better final smash, but I really wanted to use up that last relic, and I like the idea of them being assist trophies instead.

OKAY! That was an exhaustive rundown of just how Shovel Knight would work in Smash. Not so differently than he works in his own game, as it turns out! I know that this one is absolute fantasy, but I really am digging the idea of having Shovel Knight as a playable Smash character. A boy can dream…

Previous: Toon Ganondorf

Next: Dixie Kong