Random musings

I just realized how ironic it is that I said “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” was too much of a mouthful for a title. (You know, because my website’s name is an octosyllabic monster)

My Super Talking Time Bros 2 LP is coming along swimmingly, though I feel the onset of burnout. I guess devoting every spare second I’ve had to it for the past week was maybe a bad idea. Gotta learn to pace myself better.

In any time I have that I’m not putting toward STTB2, I’ve been soaking up more completely useless trivia than you can shake a gunblade at from the Final Fantasy Wiki. Do you understand the plot, character motivations, and mythology of Final Fantasy XIII? Because I do. I probably know more about FFXIII’s story than FFXIII does.

I’ve finally started reading Monster Nation, the sequel to the superb Monster Island. It’s good, but not quite as hard to put down as Island was.

Trying to eat less sucks. Now I’m hungry all the time. Even right after a meal.

I cannot believe how many more people are on the 4:42 bus home as opposed to the 5:14. I had to stand for half the ride home yesterday! I have never been so put upon as this.

I was looking at DLC costumes for Final Fantasy XIII-2, and can’t help but think that Square-Enix got something backwards. Noel is a more competent Medic than Serah, and she’s a better Ravager than he is, but Noel got the black mage costume and Serah the white mage. Geez, gender roles. Also Noel’s black mage outfit lacks a pointy hat. Epic fail.

Why does iTunes delete all the ringtones off my iPhone whenever I install the new firmware? Nothing else ever vanishes. Just the ringtones.

Is Minecraft still big enough that Mojang is really getting away with charging $25(ish) for it? I was super excited about gettiing the Xbox version until I saw the price.

Happiness, re-shelled

The only thing that makes me happier than looking at this wonderful cover, is the fact that I own the book it belongs to.

It’s a big mother, too. Check it out. I’m not much for comic book collections; do they usually reprint them so much bigger than standard comic size? I’m not complaining, of course. I love that fact that I could knock someone out with this baby. The sheer girth of the thing makes me feel a little bit better about how ridiculously expensive it was. For someone who is such a big TMNT fanboy and has never had the opportunity to read the original TMNT comics though, it was worth every penny. Plus, it was a birthday gift to myself. How could I not spend a little extra on such a wonderful guy?

24 sentences of materialism

Alright kiddies! I totally forgot to do a “24 Days of Materialism” feature this year, and the best thing I could come up to sort of replace it is this: The 24 Sentences of Materialism. It’s basically the same concept, I choose 24 things I like and tell you to buy them, only this time I’m ripping off the long-dead Video Game Article‘s “One Sentence Reviews” feature. So here’s a list of video games, albums, books, and TV shows that I love and think you should buy for yourself or your loved ones (and also a link to a related webpage for each). Honestly, I think this is the hardest thing I’ve ever written. It’s terribly difficult to express everything I want to say about a product in only one sentence.

1. The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword – Take one part Ocarina of Time, one part Wind Waker, mix well, and then tweak everything just slightly: provides a surprisingly fresh Zelda experience!

2. Monster Hunter Freedom Unite – Why not help persuade Capcom to bring MH Portable 3rd or MH3G by picking up what is easily the best game in the series to date (that is available outside of Japan).

3. Groove Coaster – A rhythm game that’s incredibly simple, but will still suck you in with its trippy visuals and eclectic track selection.

4. Volchaos – A rather superb Xbox Indie game that brings back the glory days of video games: short, challenging levels, and a great sense of satisfaction when you get them right.

5. Fallout 3 – I don’t know why I don’t spend more time with this game; it’s so unlike anything else I play and all the more wonderful for it.

6. Super Mario 3D Land – The game that justifies the 3Ds’ existence.

7. Super Mario World 2: Yoshi’s Island – Getting this game (and The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap) for free because I paid too much for my 3DS makes it totally worth it.

8. Anima: Ark of Sinners – It’s not really very good, but you can see potential shining through the blandness and kludgy controls.

9. Tron Legacy Soundtrack – Oddly enough, this is probably my favourite music to listen to while playing Minecraft.

10. Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers – The Live Anthology – Just slightly less than four hours of pure delight.

11. Bound Together – Who could ask for more than an Earthbound tribute remix album?

12. Back in Blue – I love OC Remix but don’t generally love their albums, but this Mega Man 9 tribute is awesome all the way through.

13. Private Line – 21st Century Pirates – There must be something in the water in Finland, because they’re so good at hard rock/metal.

14. How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack – This one really should be mandatory reading for every human being.

15. The Forever War – Best novel I’ve read in… forever?

16. 5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth – This comic collection goes beyond hilarity and does its best to teach you some very important lessons.

17. GameSpite Journal 10: The SNES Turns 20 – What kind of gamer wouldn’t want to read a book all about SNES games?

18. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Ultimate Collection Vol. 1 – A huge, beautiful history lesson.

19. Futurama Season 6 – The first few episodes are kinda weak, but the quality shoots up after that and has me very excited to get BD set of the second half.

20. Community Season 2 – Abed’s Uncontrollable Christmas.

21. Criminal Minds: Suspect Behaviour – It’s like Criminal Minds if Criminal Minds sunk all the budget into the script and had first-year college students do the rest.

22. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (80’s) – Campy, cheesy, corny; whatever you want to call it, it’s all goofy nostalgia.

23. Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood – I liked the original series, and this one is better in every conceivable way.

24. Fringe Season 3 – Somehow this show has gotten to a point where I feel it might be better than LOST.

Like a sieve

Back in November I was considering doing my “24 Days of Materialism” again this year (because it’s such a hit, you see). I had a rough draft of the items I was going to pitch and everything.

Clearly, I forgot.

It’s okay though! I have a backup plan! It’s not a very good one, but at least it’ll be something. So check back on December 24th to see what I’ve got cooking. And now for something completely different:

I spelled “forgot” wrong at first, and WordPress’ spellcheck suggested that I meant to type “faggot.” Why would it suggest that? Come on WordPress, have a little decorum. But that did remind me of a rather hilarious blog that I’ve been following since last week: Texts From Bennett. It’s sooo inappropriate but sooooo hilarious. It’s not often that I have a hard time containing my amusement while browsing the web. I definitely recommend against reading this at work because you’ll laugh real hard, then people will wonder why you’re laughing and come have a look, then you’ll get fired for looking at offensive material during work hours.

Cart way before the horse

So I was reading this interview with Shigeru Miyamoto, and at one point he mentions that he thinks that The Legend of Zelda would be a good franchise to have Retro Studios work on next. I don’t even know where to start on that one, but the frothing demand bird should be here any minute.

Yeah, I don’t really want to get into speculation on a new Zelda game before the last one’s been out even a month. Go read that interview.

To The Moon

I’m beginning to think that I have some sort of mild ADD, because while I’m still super excited to have a new Zelda, I keep not playing it in favour of other games. Last Friday, the other game in question was To the Moon.

I’ve been following this one since early this year, waiting anxiously for it to be released. When it was finally available for public consumption, I (in a very odd twist) did not purchase it right away. It wasn’t until I read a review of how intensely emotional it was that I sped home after work to buy and play it.

Given the opportunity, I would have sat there and gunned through it from start to finish, but alas, life got in the way around the two-hour mark. I went back to it as soon as possible, and after a total of three and a half hours of text boxes and tile puzzles, I finally got to the end. Yeah, it’s short, but that’s okay. It’s really just an interactive story, after all.

And that is why it was so important for me to hear that it had a strong emotional weight. From the trailers and pre-release writing about the game, it was pretty obvious that there wasn’t a lot of “game” to be had. Indeed, someone could very well turn To the Moon into a movie. It could have just as easily been a novel. But I think it’s important that it was a game. Or, that it was interactive, anyway. I don’t think a movie version would flow as nicely, and a novel would obviously lack the superb soundtrack that accompanies the game. Besides, it would take way more than three and a half hours to read a novel. You won’t want to put this one down once you’re in it.

To be fair (and thorough), I’ll admit that what little gameplay there is can be rough around the edges. Most of the levels consist of watching some drama play out, poking about the environment for “keys,” then solving a puzzle to move on. After Act 1, the keys are less often random environmental objects and will usually come along with some story bits, which makes finding them considerably less tedious. Also, the horse level is super annoying, and there’s a weird action level near the end that has no business being there. But those little issues are besides the point, and I bet they’re probably just there because someone felt like it needed to be just a little more gamey.

The game is about two doctors (Eva Rosalene and Neil Watts) who travel into the memories of a dying man (Johnny) to help grant him his dying wish. That wish is to go to the moon, and they do it by rejiggering his memories so he will believe it actually happened. The game is divided into small “levels,” each representing an important memory to Johnny. In each memory, you will very slowly uncover new clues about Johnny’s tragic life. I wish I could say more than that, but I would feel awful in spoiling any of it. All I can say is that it breaks the heart.

To the Moon packs an intense emotional wallop, and a lesser man would have been brought to tears at no less than half a dozen points in the story, especially if he were able to relate to the goings-on. The major themes of the game are love, death, and coping with disabilities. If that isn’t a recipe for a sob-fest, I don’t know what is. Maybe I’m just getting soft in my old age. Maybe it’s because I can kind of relate to Johnny’s plight. The point is that I was touched by this story.

I have no reservations in saying that To the Moon has the best video game story that I’ve seen to date. We talk about video games tugging at our heart strings all the time, but none have ever affected me like this one. We all know that I barely gasped when Aeris died. I thought the baby metroid’s sacrifice was sad, but I didn’t dwell on it after the game. Earthbound stirs my emotions, yes, but in a completely different way. To the Moon is a competently written story packaged up in a video game to get people like me, who would have no interest otherwise, to experience it.

I know that $13.42 sounds like a lot for an interactive story, but I couldn’t be more satisfied with my purchase. It’s about the same price as seeing a 3D movie, and no movie will move you like To the Moon. Obviously I urge you to head on over to the website and do the same. And while you’re there, check out (and then buy) the soundtrack, too. Laura Shigihara’s piano melodies were more than enough to choke me up on their own, which lent a lot to my desire for the game. It’s also worth mentioning that I’m a pretty big supershigi fan. So, what, less than $20 for both? I’d say that’s a winning deal. Sure, you could wait for it maybe be available through Steam someday and then wait some more for it to go on sale. Just for the love of Pete, don’t pirate it. The people who poured so much time and effort deserve a little recompense. This is a fantastic project, and a labour of love. It’s certainly got my seal of approval.

It’s just a box

SPOOOOKY!

Tim Horton’s has had many themed timbit boxes over the years, but I’m going to go ahead and say this one is the best. It’s just so adorable! The ghost’s mouth is strawberry jam! I don’t know if they’ve used it before, as I don’t usually take note of this kind of thing, but I just couldn’t resist taking a picture of this one. Also I am reading The Forever War by Joe Haldeman, and it is so great. I don’t do much reading these days (which really is a shame), so you know I’ve got something special if I find it worth mentioning. So good.

Wow, it’s been quite some time since I’ve blogged about anything Tim Horton’s, hasn’t it? Reading those old posts from when I used to work there really takes me back…

180

I posted before about my weekend of being told how great marriage is and that it’s the best thing I’ll ever do and that more people should be doing it. Today I was re-posting some archive stuff, and came across a blog post with a link to a site called Don’t Marry. I was thrilled about it back then, because at the time I had a firm belief that I’d be single forever, and a website telling me that marriage is dumb anyway made me feel better about my solitude. Clearly I no longer agree.

The original link is broken, but I did find a new address that contains some very familiar content, I’m pretty sure it’s the same thing. I actually took the time to read through the first few paragraphs and skim the rest, and I’ve gotta say that I’m disappointed in myself for ever thinking that this is a good website. It’s not giving smart reasons not to marry, it’s basically just a page of calling women uptight spendthrifts. It victimizes men, though not in a prticularly reasonable way. The writer makes the assumption that every woman is a huge bitch, and will leave her boyfriend/husband if he doesn’t spend enough money on her. He says that women will, without exception, throw away their careers and make the husband support the family. It goes on an on like that. It’s just terrible.

This fellow must have either really deep mommy issues, or he got dumped and hates all women for it now. I know that out there, women like the ones he describes do exist. There has to be at least one. I know one woman who is a terrible example of a wife. But the thing is that not all women are like that. Surprise! Stephanie likes to spend money, and likes even more when I spend money on her. But she’s otherwise responsible with money; she has no debt, and always makes sure to have enough money for bills. The very last thing she wants is to be a stay-at-home wife/mom. I know this could change with time and kids, but I have a feeling it won’t; she loves having a sense of purpose and would go crazy being at home all the time. Our parents are other great examples or marriage done right.

Go ahead and read it yourself, but unless you hate women, I think you’ll probably stop reading in disgust before he starts to make his second point. The whole thing makes out women -and western society on the whole, for that matter- to be selfish, materialistic monsters. I hate the usual relationship double-standards as much as the next guy, but us men have them too. Really, the dude who wrote this is just as, if not more selfish than the women he’s describing. Marriage is supposed to be you sacrificing your life to your partner and vice versa. Or something like that, I can’t describe it properly.

No relationship is going to be perfect, and I’m sure that for every point this fellow likes to make, a woman could counterpoint with a reason men don’t make good partners. That doesn’t mean marriage is a bad idea! If you meet someone who thinks ill of you because you aren’t spending enough on them or they want you to do all the work in the relationship, maybe that’s a hint that you should find someone new. Marriage is only a bad thing if you’re getting married to the wrong person.

I suppose I’m being unfair here in that I didn’t read the entire article, but it’s far too long. It comes off as mysogynistic right away, anyway. I just feel really bad that there was a time in my life where I would have touted this as the most brilliant, forward-thinking website I’d ever seen. It’s not. It’s dumb, and marriage rocks. At least I really hope it does. But I’ve heard good things! And my wife-to-be is the best, so I can’t imagine that being married to her could be anything but awesome.

In summation, don’t write off marriage. Not until you’ve failed at it a few times, at least. At that point, you might be able to start considering that marriage may not be for you. I guess if you really want to live your life for yourself, that’s fine, but I’ve found that life is so much richer in every way (except video game time) now that I have someone to live for.

That’s not a real bone!

I’ve spent a considerable chunk of my Sunday morning perusing the Commercial Download Center at X-Entertainment, and man it is hitting my nostalgia bone hard. And that’s actually really weird, because I would have been 3 years old at most when any of these commercial actually aired. I guess maybe it’s the fact that they really don’t make advertisements like they used to. Where have all the silly cartoon mascots and stupid jingles gone? Not to mention the terrible acting and special effects. Commercials just don’t catch my interest the way they used to; I watched the McDonald’s commercial and immediately craved McDonald’s. Nowadays I’m pretty sure McDonald’s ads aren’t even allowed to show food (though technically, in this specific commercial all the foodstuffs are puppets).

The other thing that struck me is just how retarded some of these marketing campaigns are. “Underoos are neat to wear!”? Really? “Neat” is the best word you could come up with the describe your product? Even “fun” would have been less stupid. Don’t even get me started on the Pringles ad.

Why didn’t they bring back the “You can smile, America, with Chuck E Cheese!” commercial after 9/11? Totally would have revived the franchise. (Still too soon?)

The fact of the matter here it that in retrospect, I love this cheesiness. It’s great, and gives me the warm fuzzies all over. I truly miss the days when Ronald hung out with McNugget puppets instead of “healthy lifestyle” kids. And I miss cereal box giveaways sooooooooo much. If I’m ever in charge of a cereal, there’s damn well gonna be toys in those boxes. Fuck anyone who tries to stop me.

I also miss the days when I would spend, well, entire days reading X-E. Matt’s completely done away with the front page (beat him to that years ago) and any sort of complete articles now, and made it so that the blog is the main event. Not that I don’t like the blog, it’s still totally X-E, but I like to dig up the old articles once in a while and reminisce about simpler times. Now there are no article links anywhere and I don’t remember the naming scheme he used for the files so I can’t find any! Augh! I’m sure I have links to many of them in my own backlog, but damned if I’ll be searching there. It’s almost nine years worth of nonsense now!

The Cave Story

I read this website called Ted’s Caving Page a while ago, and I keep telling people about it, but forgetting to actually give a link. Not that people really read this blog, but now there’s a link there and I can get back to sleeping peacefully at night. Well, as peacefully as one can after reading such a spooky story.

Really, it’s quite an excellent piece of literature. While it’s quite likely fiction, it’s written as a journal, which makes the story so much more realistic. And hey, maybe it is for real, maybe it’s not. All I know is that I’ve seen my share of horror movies, and very few of them are as effective at creating a believable atmosphere as this short story. The beginning fills you with a sense of discovery and adventure, then slowly changes those optimistic feelings into ones of fear and dread. It’s so good, and shouldn’t take more than two (uninterrupted) hours to read start to finish. Definitely one worth checking out.