I posted before about my weekend of being told how great marriage is and that it’s the best thing I’ll ever do and that more people should be doing it. Today I was re-posting some archive stuff, and came across a blog post with a link to a site called Don’t Marry. I was thrilled about it back then, because at the time I had a firm belief that I’d be single forever, and a website telling me that marriage is dumb anyway made me feel better about my solitude. Clearly I no longer agree.
The original link is broken, but I did find a new address that contains some very familiar content, I’m pretty sure it’s the same thing. I actually took the time to read through the first few paragraphs and skim the rest, and I’ve gotta say that I’m disappointed in myself for ever thinking that this is a good website. It’s not giving smart reasons not to marry, it’s basically just a page of calling women uptight spendthrifts. It victimizes men, though not in a prticularly reasonable way. The writer makes the assumption that every woman is a huge bitch, and will leave her boyfriend/husband if he doesn’t spend enough money on her. He says that women will, without exception, throw away their careers and make the husband support the family. It goes on an on like that. It’s just terrible.
This fellow must have either really deep mommy issues, or he got dumped and hates all women for it now. I know that out there, women like the ones he describes do exist. There has to be at least one. I know one woman who is a terrible example of a wife. But the thing is that not all women are like that. Surprise! Stephanie likes to spend money, and likes even more when I spend money on her. But she’s otherwise responsible with money; she has no debt, and always makes sure to have enough money for bills. The very last thing she wants is to be a stay-at-home wife/mom. I know this could change with time and kids, but I have a feeling it won’t; she loves having a sense of purpose and would go crazy being at home all the time. Our parents are other great examples or marriage done right.
Go ahead and read it yourself, but unless you hate women, I think you’ll probably stop reading in disgust before he starts to make his second point. The whole thing makes out women -and western society on the whole, for that matter- to be selfish, materialistic monsters. I hate the usual relationship double-standards as much as the next guy, but us men have them too. Really, the dude who wrote this is just as, if not more selfish than the women he’s describing. Marriage is supposed to be you sacrificing your life to your partner and vice versa. Or something like that, I can’t describe it properly.
No relationship is going to be perfect, and I’m sure that for every point this fellow likes to make, a woman could counterpoint with a reason men don’t make good partners. That doesn’t mean marriage is a bad idea! If you meet someone who thinks ill of you because you aren’t spending enough on them or they want you to do all the work in the relationship, maybe that’s a hint that you should find someone new. Marriage is only a bad thing if you’re getting married to the wrong person.
I suppose I’m being unfair here in that I didn’t read the entire article, but it’s far too long. It comes off as mysogynistic right away, anyway. I just feel really bad that there was a time in my life where I would have touted this as the most brilliant, forward-thinking website I’d ever seen. It’s not. It’s dumb, and marriage rocks. At least I really hope it does. But I’ve heard good things! And my wife-to-be is the best, so I can’t imagine that being married to her could be anything but awesome.
In summation, don’t write off marriage. Not until you’ve failed at it a few times, at least. At that point, you might be able to start considering that marriage may not be for you. I guess if you really want to live your life for yourself, that’s fine, but I’ve found that life is so much richer in every way (except video game time) now that I have someone to live for.