Mario – Page 20

Mario Kart: Double Dash!!

So Nintendo makes a lot of great games, right? Of course they do, I don’t even have to wait for your confirmation. It’s clear from the first sentence that this is gonna be another totally biased review isn’t it? Good, just making sure. I guess that this paragraph has gone to waste, like so many before it, thanks to my unremitting rambling. Ha. Unremitting. And some people say that the thesaurus is a waste. Now I look pretty smart, or at least I think so.

And now to get back on topic. (Off topic in the first intro paragraph? New record?) I’ve been playing a lot of games lately, and few of them have been suiting my needs wholly. I mean sure, Return of the King is pretty good, and Secret Collect has its moments, but I’ve been looking for something a little more… fantastic. And that’s where my good friends at Nintendo come in.

I’ve rented two games (that I can remember) in the last two months, and they’ve both been very good to me. The first was Mario Party 5, which was, nay is absolutely astounding. Its single-player modes are much better than those of previous installations, and the multiplayer is possibly even better than Super Smash Bros. Melee. And seeing as how much I love SSBM, that’s a damn good game. But the second is the one I chose to review, and that is Mario Kart: Double Dash!! So now that we’ve got the topic, let’s get to it!

Here we have the newest, and unquestionably the best of them all. With all of the new things it brings to the table, and the old and improved stuff too, this Mario Kart is the racing game that everyone should be playing. I’m not sure exactly where to start, since I’ve got so much to work with. So I guess I’ll just go ahead and show you the first pic.

Ah, this is the title screen. But not the title screen you’ll be seeing, as it changes to this one once the game has been completed. But that’s of no importance, seeing as there is much more to the game than the title screen. And now we shall delve into that gamey goodness, starting with the basics of gameplay.

First thing is the Grand Prix mode. This is the meat of the game, and can be played with one or multiple players. I’m not sure if you can unlock stuff with more than two players, as I haven’t tried it. So the first decision you’ll have to make is which engine size you wish to play with. For your reference, 50cc is easy, 100cc is medium, and 150cc is hard.

Next you pick your characters. “Characters? With an S?” you ask. Yes, each kart has two characters in it this time around, making for some great multiplayer gameplay. As you can see in the pic above, there are enough players to choose from to rival a fighting game’s roster. Only, when you start, four of them won’t be there. Once you’ve picked your guys, you get to choose a kart to ride in. Kart choices very depending on which characters you chose. My personal favorite team is Luigi and Baby Luigi with the Green Fire kart (which needs to be unlocked). Oh, and one last thing, each “set” of characters has their own special weapon, so choose wisely.

Next you get to choose which cup you’re going for. Obviously, the Mushroom Cup is the easiest and so on. The last two cups, the Special Cup and the All Cup Tournament, have to be unlocked, just so you know. Personally, my favorite is the All Cup, just because it gives you the chance to race everywhere, and it even randomizes the order in which you race the courses. Otherwise, I think the Mushroom cup, just for the sake of simplicity.

Now there are a lot of little things you should know before starting, just so that you have an edge. Firstly, at the beginning of a race you can get a speed burst by hitting the A button at the right time. Veterans of any Mario Kart game should know this little trick. Secondly, when drifting you can acquire a small speed boost by tilting the control stick back and forth. Once you see blue sparks, you can let go and zoom away. I was trying to demonstrate this in the pic above, but Bowser jumped in the way just as I clicked the “take photo” button. Damn attention hog.

The rest of the game is pretty simple, and I don’t think I should have to tell you what to be doing. Anybody who’s played a previous Mario Kart should have no trouble getting used to this one, as it’s the same style of game, and they’re all pretty similar. Of course, there are a couple of new weapons, but they’re all special weapons specific to each set of characters. In the shot above, you can see that Luigi’s got a Fireball, which is his (and Mario’s) special. Some others are just old weapons that are now character-specific. So if you’re looking for a triple-shell, you have to be the Koopa Troopa.

Now I imagine anyone should be able to win all the gold trophies in the 50cc class, as it is exceedingly easy. Heck, you should be able to do it with perfect 40’s on every cup. If you can’t then I’ll hunt you down and make you play until you can!! Consider that a threat. If you can’t do perfects on the other engine sizes, it’s okay, they’re harder and it’s more acceptable. Even I don’t have all perfects on 150cc. Yet.

Okay, now we’re gonna start the course summary with, oddly enough, the first course; Luigi Circuit. This is just a plain old rubber band-shaped track. There isn’t a whole lot that makes it special besides the Chain Chomp and the many boosters along the turns. On 100cc and above, the wall in the center of the track is gone, and there are “shortcuts” on the sides, but in this game, shortcuts are rarely any shorter than the long way, and they’re usually more dangerous too. In this case, they do nothing. It’s still an easy course to win though.

Next up is Peach Beach. This is a very nice beach that looks like it came straight out of Super Mario Sunshine. (Not unlike most of the rest of the game.) It’s got a Pianta statue/fountain, a huge warp pipe, and those damn annoying duck things. They’re way deadlier in this game than they were in SMS, but they’re still pretty easy to dodge. The shortcut in this level requires a Mushroom to use properly, as it forces you to drive through deep water. Now that I think of it, it’s more of a long cut. Just follow the normal track and while you’re at it, ignore the warp pipe unless you’re in 1st.

This is one of my favorite courses, Baby Park. Though saying that is a bit contradictory, as I hate Nascar racing for being a big loop, just like this course. The difference is that in Mario Kart you’ve got weapons to make the race more fun, and on this course, weapons will make or break you. Since it’s so small and open, there will be a ton of shells and bananas all over the track after the first couple laps. It’s still pretty easy to win if you know how to drift properly, even on 150cc.

The last race of the Mushroom Cup is the Dry Dry Desert. It’s very much like the Dry Dry Desert in Super Mario 64, as it’s filled with Pokeys and has a rogue tornado wandering around. There are a lot of s curves in this one, and as I’ve said before, drifting is the most important skill to learn. At one point there’s a huge sand pit which is hard to get out of if you get in too far. If you do manage to start falling in, just let yourself get eaten, as struggling will just make your respawn take longer. Most of the Pokeys are off to the sides and won’t pose a problem until the end of the course.

The Mushroom Bridge is a tricky course, as there are plenty of cars, and 3 almost useless shortcuts. The first is right at the start; you just turn down some stairs and go through a pipe. It’ll only help you if you’re already in 1st. The second goes up a dirt path which slows you down, again being no help at all. The last one is the hardest to do, but actually works quite well if you pull it off. Once you’re coming out of the second tunnel, you can drive up on the bridge supports, which are covered in boosters. The only problem is that it’s very, very thin and you’ll fall off 90% of the time. My recommendation: just race normally, and shoot the Bob-omb cars just after you pass them to give your opponents an explosive surprise.

The next track is the Mario Circuit. The pic doesn’t show much of the course (like most of them), and it doesn’t show any of the important parts. There is a Chain Chomp like on the Luigi Circuit, plus Goombas and Piranha Plants scattered on the last half of the track. Like most tracks, the only shortcut here involves using a Mushroom to drive off-road. It’s actually a tough course on 150cc, as this is where the AI players start to get good.

You could see the Daisy Cruiser from Peach beach, and now you get to race on it. While it is just another uninteresting track, the Daisy Cruiser provides a couple opportunities to get ahead of the competition. Firstly, you can go right around the pool instead of taking the long left path. In the boat, tables shift back and forth, and if you’re playing against humans, they might get hit by one. AI players will always swerve around, possibly knocking you into one. Lastly, there’s a hole in the floor at one point, and you can fall in to get shot out to the deck, but it doesn’t really help at all, because the fall slows you down a lot.

Waluigi Stadium is the best course in the Flower Cup because it’s got a lot of jumps, hazards, and item boxes. It’s a difficult race to get 1st in on 150cc, but it’s still a fun place to race in. There are fire hoops over a couple of the jumps, and if you pass though, you’ll be rewarded with a double-item box. The giant Piranha Plants that re about ¾ of the way through don’t make you spin out, they just make you stop dead in your tracks, so you’re better off getting burnt that hitting one of them.

The Star Cup’s first track is also the prettiest looking track in the game. Sherbet Land is a snow-covered paradise, and it’s also a lot more deadly than it looks. The Shy Guys will make you spin out if you hit them, and at the end the freezies will freeze and spin you. This is the first course that made me annoyed with the eyes on everything. Trees? Okay. Pyramids? It’s a bit of a stretch, but okay. It’s when the walls have eyes and noses that you start to think that maybe somebody at Nintendo has a drug problem.

The Mushroom City course is one of my favorites. I’m not sure why, but it is. Like the bridge, there is a lot of other traffic here, most notably the giant Wiggler bus. A neat trick is that if you hit a Mushroom Car, a Mushroom will pop out onto the track! Near the end, there is a small dirt path which you can take if you don’t feel like navigating the traffic anymore. And never, ever drive down the road from where the traffic spawns; it just warps you back to the starting line as if you’d fallen in water.

I hate Yoshi Circuit. It’s got a lot of hard S turns and the AI is really good at this one. If you get a Mushroom, save it until right near the start where you can boost over a pool of water. It’ll save you a lot of time and you’ll fly past any close opponents. If there is any saving grace about this course, it’s that it’s shaped like a Yoshi. And if you’re interested, there’s a Yoshi helicopter (from Yoshi’s Island) flying around close to the end.

The final course of the normal cups, DK Mountain, is one of the easiest to win. On any difficulty. After you get shot out of the barrel cannon, it’s just a bunch of cliff to fall down, so don’t bother staying on the track. Then there are some hairpin turns which can be easily taken by pro drifters, and finally a huge pit that even the AIs fall into regularly. The only tricky part is not falling off the bridge when it’s cluttered with objects. Other than that, very, very easy course.

Once you manage to finish a cup, and get 1st place, you’ll go to the awards ceremony. There you’ll see a bunch of Piantas and Nokis cheering for you while you’re driven around in a huge gold kart by Toadsworth. I really like the ceremony, because it’s got a great Super Mario Sunshine remix/medley kinda thing going on, and it’s just a great piece of music.

Then you’re presented with a trophy, which get more and more extravagant for each cup. When you get a gold trophy for the first time, you’ll unlock something in the game, such as characters, new play modes, karts and more. I have all the gold trophies, so I’ve unlocked everything and as far as I care, I’ve finished the game. And just in case you don’t trust me, I even took a pic of the records screen.

See? All golds on the All Cup tournaments. That means I’m the best. Sure, my times aren’t super-good, and I don’t have perfect scores, but I still have all the trophies. I suppose you’re waiting for the actual review, so I’ll get to that. Now.

First is music. I enjoy most of the music in this game. Some is a little repetitive, but other than that, it works. Most of the songs are remixes from other games, so if you’re a Mario Kart fan, you’ll probably recognize a few of them. The Rainbow Road remix is especially catchy, and suits the last track of the game very well. As for voices, they’re good, but few. Not to say the characters don’t talk a lot, they just don’t say a lot of different things. And of course, the sound effects are just fine.

The graphics are beautiful, on the whole. Much like several other games, the levels themselves look marvelous, and you can even see a lot of things off in the backgrounds. Once again, Rainbow Road goes above and beyond, providing a track that is great just to look at, with a huge city of lights beneath. The characters are a bit, I dunno, “shiny” on the character select screen, and they’re a bit blocky in-game, especially in the hands area. But since you only see close-ups at the end of a race, it’s not so bad.

Controls are very solid and easy to learn, just like every other Nintendo game. Steering is never a problem, and drifting is very easy to do and will become one of the key parts of winning the game. It’s easy to learn to play as two characters at once, and if you’ve got a friend playing too, you only have to worry about doing your job.

The gameplay is clearly where this game shines. It’s a fun game to play, and gets really great when you’ve got 4 or more players going at it. The Grand Prix mode should keep players busy for some tie, because there’s a lot to win, and it’s not exactly a cakewalk. The only gripe I have (and have had since the first Mario Kart) is that you can’t play the battle games against AI. The Bob-omb Blast game is extremely fun, and I rarely get to play because my family is too chicken to play against me. One other smaller problem is that if you don’t have people to play with, it gets kinda boring after you’ve gotten everything.

Overall, the game is great. Not the best Nintendo racer on the GCN, but it is the only one where you can get eaten by a sarlaac-esque Piranha Plant. If you can look past the little things and the lack of single-player replay value, you’ve got a great game on your hands. The LAN option sounds good, but it requires a lot of stuff that I don’t have, like two broadband adapters and two copies of the game. But despite that, I’m gonna give this game a final mark of A-. I don’t get to play multiplayer a lot, and Kirby’s Air Ride and F-Zero GX don’t need multiplayer to stay interesting. So that’s what I think, and I’m sticking to it. Like always, buy it if you want, but I suggest renting it first.

And that’s it. That’s my review of Mario Kart: Double Dash!!. Expect to see more reviews up in the future, because I’m starting a new policy of reviewing every game I rent that I really like. Any others will get mini-reviews. I can’t really think of anything else besides what I have ready now, so I’m asking again if anyone would like to write a guest article. I’ll take anything, as long as it’s tasteful. It doesn’t matter how many words or if it’s horrendously boring. Bring content to me!

Seeing as I said in a news post that I’ve got two articles on the way, you’ve probably deduced that this is one of them. Indeed it is, and the next one should be out soon. It might be a bit shorter than usual, and it’s a nice change from video games too. After that, I think I’ll write something about my new TMNT toys. Really, I just want to show them off and how they’re so much better than the original ones, so I don’t know exactly how I’m gonna do it. So that’s it for today. I’m out.

~Ryan

The Christmas Gift List of 2003

It’s that time of year again, Christmas time. Or more accurately, it was that time of year again. The event itself is long done, but the season still lingers and won’t be gone until sometime around the time when school starts again. Our happy little holiday has come and gone, but like every year before, it has left its mark on pretty much everyone. As much as I hate to admit it, Christmas is celebrated by pretty much everyone and anyone, except the Jews. And I’m pretty sure they get a little of the spirit anyway, what with it being everywhere. Christmas is no longer a special holiday for us good little Christians, but an event for everyone. While that’s probably for the best, it seems a little unfair. But I’m not writing an essay on the commercialization of Christmas, so I’ll shut up about that before I really offend anyone.

Cartoon characters argue about it all the time, and I’m not exactly sure of it, but I think Christmas is about giving, getting, love, the birth of Christ, and delicious baked goods all at the same time. I mean why not get a little bit of all the good stuff? Why settle for one meaning when you can have 5? It just makes sense. Today I’m gonna be focusing more on the getting side. In the wrong context, that sounds kinda dirty. As I did for Easter and my birthday, I’m going to be doing a rundown of every gift and treat that I got this Christmas. Unlike the former two, this one is gonna be divided into 2 pages. Why? Because I can.

The first page (this one, for those of you who are a little slower) will show off the stocking stuffers and all the gifts that I got from people that don’t live in my house. After all that is through, you’ll find a link taking you to page 2. There, you can see all the stuff I got from my parents, my brothers, and the legendary Santa Claus (minus the stocking crap). Also, I’ll show a couple things that were addressed to the family rather than exclusively to myself. Then it’ll be done and I’ll provide a link to the Articles board in my message boards where you can discuss all sorts of crazy crap. Then comes my sig and e-mail address and then you’ll have to find something else to read. So let’s get started already!

Actually, on one last note, the pics are a little bit lower quality than usual because my webcam software doesn’t get along with Windows 2000, so just bear with it for now until I find a proper substitute.

As I stated in that long and unnecessary intro, we’ll start with the stocking stuffin’s and then move on to gifts from grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. One little note before I start, not everything got immortalized in a picture, some stuff (mostly money) couldn’t be present at the time so I had to do without. Of course, I’ll make mention of the gift and who it came from, just for the sake of completeness. So, here’s my stocking:

As you can see (if you look close enough), it has been stuffed to the point where it’s become misshapen and somewhat pointy. I myself hadn’t really rooted through it before I took the pics, I was waiting to get a picture of it before I was tempted to eat the delectable goodies that were sure to lurk inside. And lurk they certainly did. Let’s dump it out and see what’s inside.

Ah, quite the pile of mess I’ve made. That’s the second thing I’ve typed that sounds really wrong without the proper context. While we can clearly make out a few things in the pile, I feel some strange need to arrange it neatly and take another picture so that you can tell what everything is without a detailed description. At this point I can see that it’s not quite as full of exciting stuff like it has been in past years, but the candy haul looks decent, so I’m happy.

Ok, time for a list. In this bag we have:

A stuffed novelty Dallas Cowboys football. My dad was jealous until he got his.
A chocolate Santa on a stick. Clearly came from the same mold as the chocolate Easter Bunny on a stick.
Circular Candy Cane. So many C’s, none of them worth it. O_o
A gift certificate for some book store. I was far too disinterested to know which one or how much it’s worth.
Box of 5 CD-Rs. I guess half a box is better than none. Though I still have 13 left over from the birthday.
Net full of chocolate Santas. Also mysteriously shaped like the Easter Bunny chocolates.
Gift card for Blockbuster. This could be useful when I need to rent video games, unlock my door or pretend I have an important person keycard.
A stick of deodorant. Not my preferred brand, but it’ll do.
5-pak of Tic-Tacs. That rhymed. Sweet.
Many, many Life Savers. All in a small, festive, book-like box
Mini-milk carton with the Cat in the Hat on it. I hate that cat. Apparently, the carton is filled with Whoppers. Anybody want some Whoppers?
Finally, a box of Hot Tamales. The cream of the crop? Yes.

I usually don’t do lists, especially unordered lists, but it’s a special occasion. I think that in the end I made out pretty good on the candy front. I ended up with a box of Hot Tamales and a ton of Tic-Tacs. Those could have been the only things in the stocking and I’d have been fine. The Candy Cane thing is a good entry, but I frown upon the Whoppers. CD-R’s are nice to have, but I’ve got a ton already. And the money substitutes will no doubt come in handy sooner or later. I don’t buy books until I have a gift certificate, so it’s time for me to do some reading! So now that that’s covered, I’ll move on to the presents. Mmmm presents.

Wouldn’t you know it, I just got out of a veritable grab bag and stumbled into a second. My grandparents always send a bag of useful-type stuff, littered with other less-useful fun things. This one came with deodorant (more Mitchum? Dammit! I told everyone I like Brut!), plenty of hair gel (it just hit me now that the blue bottle actually came in the stocking…), dental floss, gum, free golf, movie money, a scarf (which hadn’t left my neck until I took the pics), and some mittens. There was also a pair of boxers and some socks, but they were in the washing machine while I was taking the pics. I also got a new hockey stick, which is sadly enough in the same state as my old one; brand new. Not the absolute greatest stuff, but damned if I won’t appreciate getting it all.

One of my uncles gave me fifty bucks. It came in a nice card which is now sitting on one of the many tables in my living room. My aunt and uncle who live way in Ontario sent a card with another forty dollars enclosed. It has also found a home somewhere in the living room among all the other cards. The money wasn’t able to show up because I didn’t feel like finding my wallet. It always gets lost in my room. Perhaps I should look for it? Nah. When I need it, it’ll find me. That’s what wallets do.

Next up is the stuff from my other set of grandparents. The dark mass on the left is a new pair of jeans. They fit suspiciously well for new jeans. The only other jeans that have fit so well are jeans that have been worn in, but these had the tags and everything, so they certainly aren’t second-hand. Up on top is Big Shiny Tunes 8. I’ve been complaining that ever since 5, they’ve just been getting crappier each year, but I can’t complain with this one. It’s not too bad for a bunch of bands I never heard of. I still don’t like Linkin Park or Simple Plan, but “Get Loose” by The Salads makes it all worth it. If you haven’t heard the song, go listen to it now. Absolute best song from a band named after food ever. EVER.

And if you can’t make out the title, the big block on the right is a Shmuzzle Puzzle. Never heard of ‘em? Well nor had I until I saw it on TV, and then I knew I had to have it. It’s only 160-some pieces, but they’re all shaped the exact same! And they fit together in like a billion ways, so I assume that it’s gonna be quite the challenge to get this bad boy done. The box even says it’s a twin threat to my sanity. But I love puzzles and threats to my sanity, so I know I’ll enjoy doing it.

From another of my aunt and uncles, I got this little treasure; Mario and Luigi: Superstar Saga. If you liked Super Mario RPG, you’ll more than likely enjoy this one. If you liked Paper Mario too, you’ll definitely love this. It’s the perfect cross between the two, and I absolutely love it. There isn’t a single thing I can’t say a good thing about in this game. The story is great, the dialogue is hilarious, the graphics and sound are spot-on, and it’s about 20 hours for an expert (good time for a GameBoy RPG). Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, it’s fun too. The battle system is very interactive and you can’t really take your eyes off the action like in most RPGs. I love it. Plus, it’s got the Mario Bros.game I get hooked on so easily and finally, an unofficial two-player option for those with a GameCube and a GameBoy Player.

From my cousin, another Big Shiny CD. Big Shiny 90’s this time. Mucho better than the other one, because it’s got music that’s closer to my preferred music era. Not only that, but it’s 2 CDs! Talk about your sweet deals. The not sweet deal is that it’s Volume 2, and I don’t have any volume 1 to speak of so I guess I’ll have to go searching for that now. It’s still a great compilation and I highly recommend it. From the fragments of commercial I can pick out of my memory I think the first one was better, but as it stands, I like this one just fine.

I’m not quite at 2000 words yet, but it’s time for me to make the move into the next page, which will be a bot longer. Oops… I’ll leave it to your imagination whether that was supposed to be “bit” or “lot”. Maybe I really did want to spell “bot”. Maybe I should quit trying to squeeze in a bunch of extra words to make the unspoken quota. Then again, most of the tags are counting as words so it’s a little inaccurate. But that don’t matter, we’ll just say I ended this page with a healthy 1900 words. Be sure to click on the link below to find out what the rest of my gifts were. If you don’t, I’ll know. And then I’ll get you for it.

[Pretend there’s a page break here. Years ago there actually was one!]

I guess the best place for me to start off is where I left off. Now that you’ve seen all that various crap, it’s time for a lot more crap! Only this crap came from my parents, siblings, and there are even a few presents from me in there somewhere. And to top it all off are a few gifts that were addressed to the whole family rather than just for me. I know I’ve told you this before but I thought I’d remind you, and I just didn’t feel right starting with a picture.

Every year for my birthday and Christmas, my dad gets me some sort of tool. I think it’s a pretty sweet deal, because I use them a lot. Maybe not for what they’re meant for, but I use them a lot. This year I got my very first wrench set. Now that’s great and all, but I asked for a saw (again) and it never came. Why I can’t have a saw is beyond me, but frankly I’m pretty disappointed. I love the wrenches and all, but they just aren’t a saw. Oh well, there’s always next year.

Everybody should know that I adore the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. If you don’t you do now. Sadly, I only got one action figure for Christmas, but it’s no big deal, I can just go buy the rest. I’ve already got all the figures from series 1, and Skatin’ Raph here is my first from series 2. Overall, it’s not that much different from the normal Raphael, except for the skates, his clothes, and the fact that his legs are stuck in a much more comfortable looking position. The skates themselves are quite large, but they work pretty well and ensure that he doesn’t fall over. My only complaint is that they didn’t paint as much detail on the actual figure as they did on the figure on the box. It’s really not a big deal, but I feel a bit cheated.

My brother, on the other hand, got pretty much all of the ones he needed. Ironically, I think the only one that he’s missing is Skatin’ Raph. I’m quite jealous because I’ve been a Turtles fan for so much longer than him, and if it wasn’t for me, he probably wouldn’t even know about them. I think the jealousy is mostly rooted in the fact that he has the Casey Jones figure and I don’t, but I have him one-upped in other ways that are soon to follow…

Back to the real world for a second, I’ll take a look at my CD’s. I haven’t been listening to Styx for a long time, but I really like the music, so I asked for the greatest hits and here it is. It’s a great CD, despite only having 11 songs, and I’m even listening to it as I type this. There is one song I don’t really like on it, but it’s not something I can’t learn to live with. After all, if I can tolerate the Three Days Grace song on Big Shiny Tunes 8 I should be able to put up with anything a real band can throw at me. Other than what I’ve already typed, there isn’t a whole lot I can say about a CD.

I believe my exact word were “Not another damn puzzle”. Just kidding, I think it’s cool that now my sanity will be cumulatively threatened four times. This one might be a little easier than the water drop as it’s got lots of colours, but I haven’t tried to put it together yet so I could be horribly mistaken. These puzzles are only like 10 bucks, so I urge you to go out and get one if you often find yourself bored. Or you could get one of those bajillion-piece puzzles, but those don’t have any gimmicks, so they can’t possibly be any good.

Just to diversify my gifts a bit, my mom decided that it would be good idea to get me a couple books. Only problem is that these books aren’t really books. Sure they’ve got words in them and all, but they’re mostly just for novelty’s sake. I mean, who actually reads through everything in the Guinness world record books? I’ll make it a point to be the first to do the feat and then I’ll get into the next one. I’m just curious if it came from the future, because it’s the 2004 book and there hasn’t been a whole lot of 2004 to make records in. That and it looks kinda futurey. The high point is that I found a new crustacean to top the most wanted pets list: the Japanese spider crab. Though I’d need a pool to keep it in because its leg span is over 2 meters long.

Now the Mario & Luigi player’s guide. I don’t really need it, but I can honestly say that it has come in handy. I also like to just read guides as well. Don’t ask me why, because I couldn’t tell you. Just ever since I got the guide for Final Fantasy 8 I’ve been getting them mostly just to read. We all know that you don’t need a guide for a side-scroller, but I got the guide for Viewtiful Joe because I like to read them, it was Viewtiful Joe goods, and it was 20% off. That’s like 2 bucks off right there. Greatest deal ever.

I got the second season DVD set of Friends for my 16th birthday, and I wanted the first and third this Christmas, but my mom was only able to find the third. I guess I’ll have to go hunting for it by myself eventually. Not a whole lot to say, but it’s got one of my favorite episodes on it, The One Where Nobody’s Ready. If you don’t recognize the title, it’s the episode where Joey puts on all of Chandler’s clothes at once. The special features aren’t very appetizing, but I like commentary so I’m happy. Oh yes, we got a DVD player a while ago, so I no longer have to use the PS2 or X-Block to watch stuff. Yay!

I told you I’m a Turtles fan and I wasn’t lying. I wanted Turtles DVD’s, and I got one set. Only once again, it’s the third in the set, and my brother got the first. Obviously my mother is not aware of my preference of getting things in order. Not only that, but my brother wrecked the plastic covering of his while trying to open in so now the cover is taped on very, very badly. Not that if affects me, but I hate to see something so precious abused in such a way. Seriously, if you saw it, you’d hit him too.

Now it’s time to set foot into the restaurant of video games and check out the real delicacies of the annual serving of gifts. Our appetizer, MegaMan Zero 2 is by far one of the hardest games of this generation. When I read the reviews I thought “Bah, they’re just babies, it couldn’t possibly be that hard” and I thought I was right, because they said the first game was hard and it wasn’t too bad. But when I popped this sucker in I got my ass handed to me. Getting killed in the intro stage generally means the game is hard or you suck, and I’m pretty confident that I don’t suck. But after some practice, I’ve been able to make it halfway through. My final opinion: I love it. We need more games like this. Capcom, I salute you.

Our side salad is, of course, the TMNT GameBoy game. Unlike MMZ2, it’s not unbearably difficult, but it does offer it’s own challenges. Easy mode is quite simple, but once you get to Normal, you start thinking that maybe you got more than you asked for. And it’s fun too. It’s like the old arcade/NES games, except it’s pure 2D and there is (very sadly) no multiplayer support. But it’s still an above-par game. There is a password feature, but it doesn’t unlock anything worth being there. The other problem is that they chopped up the cartoon’s intro and shoved it in there. It would have been better off without the intro, rather than with the butchered garbage that’s in there. But it’s small, and skippable so I don’t mind too much.

And now we get to the sweet, sweet main course of the bunch, the GameCube version of TMNT. Like the GBA game, it’s very similar to the old games, only it’s in true 3D. There is multiplayer support, but it only goes to 2-player. I bet if they didn’t have to put it on the PS2 as well, there would have been a proper 4-player mode. Oh well. The password system in this version is much better, as it opens plenty of things like new game modes and costumes. There is also a production art database, and being the art fiend I am, it pleases me muchly. Oh, and if all the crazy food metaphors are kind of confusing, I’ve been playing Mario & Luigi way too much, and you’ll understand if you play it.

I’ve said I’m a Queen fan in the past, and as you can see above, I got myself a little something to commemorate my last big Christmas haul. Actually, we were shopping on Boxing Day and I’ve never seen these CDs anywhere, so I did what I had to do. I imagine the reason they’re so rare is because they’re the first two Queen albums, and they were released a long time ago. Of course, they are the CDs and not the records, so they’re not the originals, but I’m not complaining. The one thing I am complaining about though, is that Queen II has a remix of the Seven Seas of Rhye, which I though was just an extended version or something, but it’s really a techo-ish dance mix which really destroys the song. Other than that, they’re awesome CDs that belong in the libraries of any 80’s rock fan.

Now we get to the family gifts. You can usually see a similar background in pictures of me that are on the site, but there’s one big difference (aside from the dog toys). The new weight bench we got is a lot better than our old piece of junk. This one’s even got a thing so we can do leg stuff as well. I may not seem like the type to be overjoyed by this kind of thing, but I am. Now all I need is some solid motivation and I’ll be in shape in no time. Ooh, it’s comfy too, so comfy in fact, that I was ready to use it as a bed one night. There was a whole bunch of (figurative) crap all over my real bed, so I just laid down. But then I got up and after some possibly amusing events I ended up sleeping on the couch.

I had taken all the pics when I remembered about getting this beauty, so I just surfed on over to Saitek’s website and stole their picture of it. It’s so much better than the old 4-button Gravis gamepad I had been forced to use for the last few years. Now I can play my ROMs in style! I would use it for other games, but we don’t really have any computer games that would benefit from using this. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, FPS games are made to be played with a keyboard and mouse or at least a Nintendo 64 controller. I wonder if I could play Tiberian Sun with it?

And that’s the whole lot of it. Every gift and goodie has been at least spoken of, and I’m ready to go and start a puzzle. Actually, to tell the truth, there is one thing I forgot to mention, and I’m sure it’ll make up for the one I missed in the birthday article…

Ho ho ho! Enjoy, ladies!

And that’s that. Sorry I couldn’t get this up closer to Christmas, I was planning to have it done by the 28th, but my PC got infected yet again and only a week after the holiday have I found time to finish up. And now that this is done, I an get to work on my English project of which I had 4 months to work on and have yet to start. It’s worth 10% of my grade so I guess I’d better get to work. I might even post some of the stuff I do for it on the site, so be sure to stay tuned.

As for the future, I stated in a recent news post that January is exam month, and not only normal exams, but provincial exams as well. They shouldn’t be too hard, as all my classes this semester are language classes, and I find that to be my forte in school, but I till have to study or something like that, so I probably won’t have a lot of time for updates. It’s going to be another November/December. If I do post anything it’s gonna be a mini-review or submissions to the gallery. Sorry about the lack of real articles, but my PC has been FUBAR so many times in the past couple months that I can’t really get anything done. Now that’s changed, and as of February I’ll be able to try a little harder.

I ran

I knew a puppy would make a big change in my everyday life, but damn, I never expected that I’d get shafted into having to watch him all the time. Jeez. On the other hand, I rented Rebel Strike this weekend, and let me tell you, it’s one helluva game. I think I’ll do a mini-review… So back to what I originally came to post for. Today I found this video of a speed run of Super Mario Bros 3. Simply amazing. If you want, check out the 100% speed run for Metroid Prime too. I’m awestruck, really. My Metroid game is really going to change now. If only I was as good as people think.

A few links to the SMB3 video.

The Metroid Prime speed run

~Ryan out.

Nintendo Surprise: The Nintendo surprise bag

It’s really amazing how much merchandise that Nintendo pumps out. Sadly, most of it isn’t exactly the kind of stuff you want to buy, and very little of it is worthy promotion for the GameCube and GameBoy Advance. Sure the Pokemon line goes over really well with kids, but very few older Nintendo hardcores want Pokemon toys all over their room. I don’t. At one point, I did have a small Gloom hanging out on my dresser, but it got lost. Kinda unfortunate because Gloom is one of my favorite Pokemon.

Of course, they have gone to certain lengths to make Mario and Zelda action figure lines. You saw a few of them in Hylian Idol. We even got a few burger restaurant deals, one promoting Super Mario Bros 3 at McDonald’s, which was a long time ago. Last year, there were Mario toys at Wendy’s, which I believe came along to help sell Super Mario Advance. The most recent was the Burger King deal, which was a menagerie of Nintendo most popular characters, such as Mario, Link, Donkey Kong, and Kirby. Everyone loves Kirby. Why we didn’t see any kind of promotion for his TV show is beyond me though.

(>o.o)>

Whee! Look at him dance! I guess that’s an ample intro for today. I really don’t think it’s that necessary anymore. After all, they do sway off the path of the articles a bit. But in the quest for longer and better articles, I must do what I have to do. But, enough redundant rambling, I’ll just start the article now.

A long time ago, actually, less than a year to date, I was browsing the dollar stores of a faraway land and came across quite the treasure. It was a simple plastic bag with candy in it, but that was just the base idea. This bag of goodies was a Nintendo Surprise. Of course, the surprise wasn’t really there, since there was a transparent area on the front of the bag. That and they all had more or less the exact same things in them. I went back this year to seek more of the bags-o-fun and I found them, only they had changed a bit.

The old Nintendo Surprise contained a sucker, a Ring Pop-like thing, a slab of gum, and a game tip card. They all sported different characters. The gimmick was that you could collect all of the different characters and candies. I guess the only surprise is what character bust you found in the ring pop. There were 2 different sucker “statues”, 6 character busts in the ring pops, and 18 different portraits in the gum. The only problem with this is that they seem to be extremely rare, and no kid would be able to resist eating them.

Now, produced by Au’some Candies, the “Nintendo Surprises” are simply plastic bags containing a bunch of gum. It’s really a sad story. Why? Because the gum was the only collectible that you could really eat. the others left plastic remains to collect. Fortunately, you won’t want to eat the gum after you try one piece. it tastes absolutely horrible. Bad, sinful, imperfect, rancid, unsuitable, wicked, tainted, hurtful, noxious, and terrible are all words that go hand in hand with this gum. the package says “sour” but this stuff tastes worse that eating Kool-Aid powder. I kid you not.

As I stated in one of the above paragraphs, there are 18 slabs of disgust that you can collect. Though, Au’some Candies seems to have cut a few corners when they were making them. The different characters are the following: Mario, Princess Peach, Luigi, Bowser, Paratroopa, Larry Koopa, Ganondorf, Ludwig Von Koopa, Yoshi, Ganondorf, Link, Link, Link, Diddy Kong, Link, Donkey Kong, King K. Rool, and Donkey Kong. Notice the abundance of Link. Even the two different DK gums are the same picture, just one is reversed. At least they look pretty good and not at all like some poor African kids drew them on.

I also mentioned earlier that the Nintendo Surprise contained a card with a game tip on it. These ones are no different. But the use of the word “latest” is a bit of an exaggeration. At least now. I guess that I forgot to mention one little detail. After a little bit of researching, I found out that these things were made way back in 2001. I suppose it’s not as bad as the Hulk gum that my brothers got. If you read X-Entertainment, you’ve seen it before. And if you want a bit of a more in-depth look at the 8-year-old crap, check out Matt’s Video Store article.

So, here’s the contents of one of the packages. It seems a lot more impressive than it really is. A LOT. There’s not a lot I can say about this pile of crap that I won’t say later so instead I’ll tell you about this GameBoy Advance link cable that I’m holding. Firstly and most importantly, it’s a pretty shade of white, with a white tip for the first player, and gray tips for the second, third, and fourth players. That said, it obviously has four heads to link GBAs together. It’s made by Pelican and was a lot cheaper than buying three Nintendo-brand cables. there’s also a little switch on the connector that enables it to work with GameBoy Colour units. Back to what’s important.

As you can clearly see, they come in a wide variety of colors. All three colors of the… uh… groraninkbow. Ha. Got outta that one with style. Oh yeah. Anyway, it’s plain to see that a character is not confined to a single color. They can appear on any one of the three shades of gross. If you look even closer, you can see both Donkey Kongs and how it’s the same picture, just flipped horizontally, just as I said. On the upside, I was lucky and scored both Koopa Kids. I’m at a loss to see why they didn’t use all of them. If they hadn’t repeated characters there would have been enough to host all seven of ’em.

Now, I’ll try my best to describe what all of them taste like. Orange is clearly the best of the three. Incredibly enough, it does taste like orange candy-type stuff. Only it’s way too soury-like. Bad memories of Kool-Aid powder are coming back… Yuck. Well, I guess I was wrong. Pink is definitely the best. It tastes decent, much like one of those sour soother things. It’s still not worth eating, but at least it doesn’t make me want to throw up so that there’s a better taste in my mouth. Green is supposed to taste like apple, I think. It does a little bit, but then you notice that it has a hint of BILE in it. The package wasn’t lying when it said they were sour. Maybe not as sour as some other candy, but it isn’t exactly tame.

Look, it’s the Game Tip card! When I say card, I don’t mean card in the normal sense, or even the tradeable sense. It’s just a piece of hard paper with a picture and some words on it. Oddly enough, it’s the only thing included in the Nintendo Surprise that isn’t collectible. I guess you could collect all of the different tips, but to date I’ve only seen three different ones, and I and my brothers have been through at the very least twenty packs of this stuff. Oh, I forgot another important thing. The gum’s taste lasts for an average of 40 seconds. You’d be much better off with some Wal-Mart candy machine gum.

As usual, you can click on the pics to enlarge them if you want to read them. The first tip is for the Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Ages. It’s pretty handy, and is something you might not think of right away. But, most people who played the Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past have already figured this out. The second “tip” is both asinine and redundant. It tells you that in Super Mario Advance Luigi can jump the highest. It might have been helpful, but the game itself gives you this tip, so like I said, it’s redundant. Note that they have French tips too. If you can’t read the language, don’t worry, it says the same thing. This also leads me to believe that Nintendo Surprises were only distributed in Canada.

For the sole purpose of writing this article, I saved some of the plastic carcasses from the original Nintendo Surprise. Shown above are the sucker cases. There are only two to collect, so if you went the whole nine yard to get all the gum pieces, you’d have a lot of extra sucker cases. The two characters chosen to be immortalized as suckers were Mario and Yoshi. I don’t see why not. But they could have just as easily modded the Mario mold a little and at least made a Luigi. Oh well.

If you did manage to get you hands on a lot of these guys, they could be used as really low-budget action figures. I have several Yoshis and use them to war against my Star Wars figures with Mario as their leader. The detachable bases can also double as hats or a bad game of stack-the-sucker-bases. That’s what they seem to be doing in the picture above. To tell the truth, I’m really scraping for idea for this one. There’s a cool picture of a pelican on my GameBoy Advance link cable.

Pictured above are the remains of a couple of my Nintendo ring pops. They come in the same colours as the gum, but they taste a whole lot better. In fact, so do the suckers. Everything tastes better than that gum, except clams. I hate clams. Stupid chicken nugget-looking clams. I hate you, clams. I hate you and your cousin the oyster. In fact, I hate all seafood. Except sushi, I’ve never tried sushi. Or lobster. It’s pretty sad, but I plan to try it the next time we go to Red Lobster. Which should be in about 3 years. So I may never try lobster until it’s too late. I bet lobster tastes better than that stupid gum. And clams.

By now you should be aware that this bag of sugar was made for kids. This is further evidenced by the fact that the rings barely fit onto the second joints of my fingers, never mind the third. It also teaches us that Link doesn’t look good in pink. Red, blue, and green yes, but pink no. Yoshi can come in any colour and seems to be enjoying his orangyness quite well. I think green Yoshi is a bit jealous of orange Yoshi’s happiness. And Link seems to be jealous of both of their decent colour palettes and full bodies. Poor Link is just a bust of himself.

While I’m writing about shoddy Nintendo products, I guess I should mention this GameCube watch. It’s not really that bad, I did get it for free after all. My complaints focus mostly on the extremely easy to press buttons, causing the time to change by itself. If compared to most digital watches of today, it’s got no options, just the time and date. No fancy bells, whistles, or beeps. Then again, the time and date are all you really need. I never need a stopwatch or alarm anyway, so I guess I don’t care.

Now, back on topic, after finding my goods, I went to the dollar store next to the dollar store I had just been in. There I browsed the party favors and found some Groucho masks without the mustache. I had to have them. I’m not sure why I wanted them, they don’t fit, but I wanted them anyway. So that’s me with one of the masks on. Wow… I look nerdier than usual. It would probably have been a good idea not to upload it, but nobody who would judge me reads this site anyway. I guess I’m safe.

So to turn around the theme of the article and show a excellent Nintendo product and add some cool, I’m including another picture of my AGB playing MegaMan Zero. Once again, it’s an awesome game and if you have an AGB, you owe it to yourself to get it. Really. Or you could just wait a few months and get MegaMan Zero 2. Or you could not wait and import RockMan Zero 2 if you don’t care about knowing what to do or can read Japanese. In any case, it’s one of the best games I’ve played in a long time. Well, that’s about that for that.

So now you know what I was blabbering on about in that one news update. Ummmm… this whole conclusion part is the toughest thing to write. I guess I could mention that I have plenty of gum left if anybody wants to try some. I’m more than willing to let go of a piece or eight. That’s all I have to say for today. I have no more ideas about what to review, so I don’t know when the next article will be. Maybe I’ll finish that MegaMan article sometime within the week.

The Super Mario Bros. Super Show!

Welcome one and all to the very first article on ~~Mr. Hotshot64 v.2’s PAGE OF DEATH!!~~ Torrential Equilibrium I just thought I’d whip up a test page so anybody out there who is actually visiting the site can see what it’s gonna look like. I’m not gonna really write anything much, just a little bit about a certain show…

Seeing as this marks my very first article, we will all mark the date on our calendars and celebrate it as a national holiday every year from now on. And EVERYONE will celebrate. I don’t care what “religion” you’re a part of, this is the new holiday of holidays. Presents and no school/work for all! I shall call it “Uber-Friday”. Ironically, today is Saturday.

As some of you may notice, it looks a lot like the old X-Entertainment did. Well, mostly because I copied and pasted the HTML and then just changed a whole bunch of stuff around. Call it plagiarism if you wish, but I have to figure it out somehow. Copying someone else’s work just happened to be the quickest way for me to do it.

Actually, this whole intro is pretty much a sneaky way to keep the surprise topic a surprise. I don’t want you guys to know what you’re reading about before you’re done reading the intro. If you did, you would just skip the intro and go straight for the good stuff, like a kid would run right past the vegetable stand in front of the candy factory. But like those vegetables, the intro contains many essential vitamins that you must take, even though the article itself is the much more delicious part. So now that I’ve put in my necessary metaphor, let’s get on to the topic!

Today, I present to you one of the most amazing things ever to hit the small screen, the one show that changed the lives of so very many young children and one old wrestler. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you:

THE SUPER
MARIO BROS.
SUPER SHOW!

Yes, that’s right pizanos! It’s everyone’s favorite Nintendo-based cartoon show! I’m certain that everyone I know remembers and loves the show dearly. Sadly, a limited number of episodes are available to download and the show itself has been off the air for several years. But that won’t stop us from having super-sized fun! So grab a Super Mushroom or two and get ready for some nostalgic reading.

It all started way back in 1989 (or so I’ve been told), when the first episode aired. Nintendo lovers all around the… North America were eagerly anticipating the new show starring Super Mario and his buddies. Actually, I don’t know if anyone was anticipating it. Maybe it just came along and got popular. Like The Legend of Zelda cartoon that was also featured on the Super Show, but I’ll get to that later.In any case, kids were expecting to have a half hour of animated Mario goodness…

Boy did they get stiffed.

There was only about 12 minutes of animated footage on the Super Show. The rest was live action Mario and Luigi bumbling around what I’m presuming was their home/office. Mario was played by the famous wrestler Captain Lou Albano. Luigi was played by some guy that nobody knows. Yes, that’s right, Danny Wells donned the green overalls for the first ten minutes of the Super Show. They also got to voice the animated versions of their characters. Who would have guessed? I would have thought the execs at DIC would have hired some other guys. Oh well, win some, lose some.The one “upside”, if you will, of the live action segments was that there was always a guest star who happened to be rather popular during that era. None spring to mind, but I’m sure they used to be household names.

The bros also had some kind of weird Ninja Turtles-esque pizza fetish. Their phone was covered in pizza, and there were pieces of the stuff strewn all about the place, along with the probably empty boxes. This just goes to show that not all Italians who live in Brooklyn fly the straight and narrow. No, these guys were rebels. They made their place messy, and they liked it that way. Danny Tanner would have several heart attacks. Actually, I think Bob Saget might have been a guest star once. Damned if I can remember.

Well, to say the least, the cartoon was excellent. It came out after Super Mario Bros. 2 for the NES, and it featured all the bosses that everyone loved, including German-tongued Mouser, three-headed snake Triclyde, and of course the infamous King Koopa (who has more recently been named Bowser.) It seemed really authentic, if you only consider the characters. All the good guys and bad guys from SMB2 were there, but the plots and scenery were unlike anything ever seen in the video game. Not to say that any of the plots were better than SMB2’s. They were all pretty bad.The last episode I can remember seeing was entitled “Mario Meets Koop-Zilla” in which Mario and the gang (Luigi, Toad, and Princess Toadstool(Peach)) traveled to some far away town to get the Super Sushi, which would make Mario giant, and hopefully enable him to squish King Koopa out of existence once and for all.

Unfortunately, Koopa got there first, and stole the Super Sushi, thereby making him “Koop-zilla” and enabling him to stomp the city to rubble. Luckily, some scientist whips up another batch of this Super Sushi and Mario gains a beer belly, pot belly, jelly belly, love handles, and lots of fat. Really, most of the growth was in the stomach area. It was gross and hilarious at the same time. Like farting. Although that is more of a perspective thing.

So eventually the good guys triumph, and all is well again as once again normal sized King Koopa escapes into the night. Back at the scientist’s lab, the gang celebrates the victory and Mario gobbles up a plate of Shrinking (Something), and becomes Mini-Mario. hilarity ensues. The end.See, nothing special story wise, but the one-liners were always great. Of course, nobody who was actually watching the show back then had the mental capacity to absorb any of this. They just liked the bright colors and the recognizable characters. Nowadays we can see how uninspired the plots were. It’s not like today’s cartoon plots are any better though.

The last thing I should mention about the Super Show is the extra special Friday episodes. This was the day everyone waited for. This was the day that made the week worth living through. This was the day where The Legend of Zelda would air instead of Super Mario Bros.

It’s really a shame that Zelda only got 13 episodes before it was cancelled. Everyone I know prefers it over Mario’s offering. Maybe that’s because they don’t remember it very well. The Link of today and Link on the show are two very different people. Today’s Link is a serious adventurer and Hero of Time, with blond hair. The Link on the show was a joker who just wanted a piece of Zelda’s sweet, sweet can. Plus he had brown hair. Needless to say, I prefer old Link. I’m just not a fan of blond hair. This show wouldn’t have been a comedy if it weren’t for good old Link. He truly did save the day.The stories on The Legend of Zelda weren’t much better than what Mario had, and with the exception of Link’s snappy dialogue, they weren’t half as funny. Of course, there was a lot more action and magic in Zelda. And as everyone knows, action + magic = cool. So do we have a winning formula on our hands? Apparently not. 13 episodes more or less means failure. But, there is that slim chance that failures can be good though. Just look at Undergrads, Mission Hill, and Clone High. All dropped after a single season, yet they’re all great shows.

All I have to say is that Zelda could have gone somewhere. I don’t see why it didn’t. It had the potential, it had the franchise, it had the theme song. But it seems the general public has failed us again and just didn’t want to give it the ratings necessary to keep it going. Oh well.

All in all, The Super Mario Bros Super Show was a pretty decent show. Some may argue that the live action was good, but I would rather have more cartoony fun. A few of you may criticize me for saying a couple bad words about the Legend of Zelda, and all I have to say to you is “Excuuuuuuuuse me, princess.” They weren’t the best cartoons on TV, but they were damn good while they lasted. So if you can, build some kind of show developing company some day and revive these shows. It will benefit all of mankind and make many, many fans very happy people.

***

Hey, I’m even going to give you a little bonus for visiting my site and reading this. Download away!
Do The Mario and enjoy! *offer expired*

THE SUPER MARIO BROS. SUPER SHOW!

THE SUPER
MARIO BROS.
SUPER SHOW!