Category: Final Fantasy

Top Ten: Greatest Games of 2006

Really, I don’t know what to write as an intro. I’ve done this twice before, so go back and read those intros if you really need a preface. Just a couple notes before we begin:

1. I broke down. While I was compiling my list, I kind of forgot that I wasn’t supposed to have ports on it, but they were there, and I just love the included games so much that I couldn’t boot them. Oh well.

2.There are three special awards mixed in between the regular list, just so you don’t get confused. I was going to have them all before the actual list, but that’s so dumb. My way is spicier!

3. I think the 10th-4th place trophies are hilarious. If you don’t agree, I am terminating our friendship right now.

Well, that should be all. So let’s get it on!

Before we really get rolling, I just want to give out some special props like I did last year. I think I’m going to include a couple special awards every year from now on. What they might be each year is impossible to say, but I know I’ll keep the “Special Mention” (the award for the game I wanted to play most, but never got a chance to) award kicking around. It’s a good award.

2006’s “Special Mention” goes without a doubt to Final Fantasy XII. Because there were so many other games that I had planned on purchasing (and when I set my mind to something, I never go back), I never got around to playing FFXII. It just came out at a really bad time. Had it been released in the summer lull, I would have definitely picked it up right away. Sadly, Square-Enix didn’t have it ready until November, and that month was just so chock-full of games that were higher on the priority list that it got passed by.

The reason I put it here is because I do have a genuine interest in it. It’s the first Final Fantasy since IX that I’ve cared at all about (and even that was only because at that time I was still a Squaresoft sheep), and I really do hope to get around to playing it someday. The way the game plays, with it’s neat little character programming system interests me to no ends, and even the story, which I usually have zero interest in, fascinates me. And let’s not forget that so many reviewers are saying that it’s the best FF to grace a console since God-knows-when. And that’s a pretty strong point, because let’s face it, most of the gaming world thinks FFVII is good.

So in conclusion, I declare Final Fantasy XII to be the best game I never played last year. However much sense that makes.

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Hey, what can I say? I’ve been waiting for a new Mario side-scroller for a while now. God knows why Nintendo didn’t make one on the GBA. Oh, right. They had all those old games to rehash. Must have saved them a ton on, you know, work. Can’t win ’em all though, am I right?

Past grievances aside, I really enjoyed New Super Mario Bros. Like everyone else on the damn planet, I flew through it pretty quickly because it was real easy, but it was impressively fun. I even played through it a second time right away. Of course, while getting to the end of the game presented little more than a suggestion of difficulty, clearing the game 100% did require a bit of skill. The big coins, finding all the extra paths and warp cannons, that kind of stuff. It wasn’t as tricky as some of SMW’s rough bits, but all the extras really helped to flesh out the game. The new power-ups were pretty unnecessary too. Unless they were needed for getting somewhere, I much preferred good ol’ Firey Mario. Why did they axe fireballs in the 3D games? Firey Mario would have been so much totally better than FLUDD. Maybe.

I don’t know. NSMB was such a big deal that everyone and their mom wrote about it, and everyone’s read something about it too. I doubt I could add anything original at this point. I guess if there’s anything that really stuck out for me, it was the final boss fight. It wasn’t terribly difficult or long, but it was pretty epic. For a Mario game. Hey! You know what would have been great? If there had been some Yoshi. Yeah. Especially if he had all his Koopa shell powers like in SMW. And there should have been a Top Secret Zone where you could go after every level to gather power-ups. Sigh. It’s going to be quite a feat if Nintendo ever expects to outdo Super Mario World. That’s pretty much the definition of a perfect platformer. But New Super Mario Bros was easily good enough. Just barely good enough to beat out Rayman Raving Rabbids out of the #10 spot, but good enough no less.

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I’ll be the first to point out that technically, I’m breaking my “no ports” policy, but I have many good reasons to back this up. First of all, there is a good deal of extra content. For every so many operations you finish on the main storyline, you unlock operations for a different story featuring a different doctor. Secondly, while the main story is almost a word-for-word copy of the DS game (with prettier graphics), the completely different control methods make the game seem totally new. Sure, you know what to do, but now doing it is a whole new experience in itself. Also, a couple levels have changed dramatically, specifically the bomb level.

So the game then? Well, it’s neat. The premise is that you’re a doctor (by the name of Derek Stiles) who just completed his whatevers and is getting into the real world of surgery. It starts off like any old medical drama you’d see on TV, with the new guy being uneasy and having to overcome personal obstacles and crap, and then bio-terrorism enters the picture and everything goes to shit. It’s an incredibly story-heavy game, to say the least. Some chapters don’t even contain an operation and are just really long dialogues sequences. Fortunately, it’s all skippable for those who couldn’t give two shits an’ just want to cut people open and toy with their insides. Which is awesome. The game starts you off with easy things, like suturing up cuts, removing shards of glass, and lazering the crap out of polyps. It slowly ramps up to tougher things like excising bigger tumors and removing thrombi. Less than halfway through, though, the video game part starts to come into play and you have to start removing various types of (fictional) parasites (known as GUILT), which can be real pains in the ass. Unlike the original game, however, there is a difficulty option, so getting to the end of this one isn’t such an impossible feat; you can just choose to play on easy mode!

The operations in the side-story abandon the GUILT for more traditional surgery. Though the game throws in a few new things and some curveballs like fixing broken bones, excising super tumors (which grow right back if you don’t get them all out within seconds of each other), and working in the dark with only a camera’s flash to help you see. The extra story, while much more brief than the main one, is also pretty interesting, though it’s even more obvious that it was thought up by those crazy Japanese.

All in all, even though it’s essentially a beefed-up port, Trauma Center: Second Opinion is very much its own game. While playing with the Wii Remote is slightly less accurate than the DS’ touch screen, the control scheme is very intuitive and great for switching tools fast. It’s still as challenging as the original though, so don’t expect any pulled punches, even on the easy difficulty level. While it’s no epic adventure, I still think TC:SO is a spectacular launch title for the Wii, and were it not a port, I may have even put it up closer to the top spot on the list. As it is though, number nine will have to suffice.

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What’s with all the DS games, you ask? They’re pretty good man. You should invest in one. It’s definitely the greatest portable gaming thingamijig ever. Hell, I play my DS more than my GameCube and PS2 combined. We’ll have to wait a year or so to accurately measure how the little Wii does. But there are games to be ranted about! On I go! Holy crap I think I’m getting worse at writing!

So Elite Beat Agents, huh? Surely you’ve heard of the import hit Osu! Tatake! Ouendan!. Surely. I never bothered to import it (I got Jump Superstars instead), but when I heard they were making a version (sequel?) for North America, I was ready to jump all over it. And jump I did. EBA is a rhythm game, much like DDR or Guitar Hero, only instead of some cockadoodie $50 peripheral device that only works with one game, you just use the touch screen. As the music goes, beats appear on the screen. Most of the time, you just tap them with the correct timing to get by. But sometimes, you have to drag a ball across a path which spices things up a little. Well, maybe not. There’s also a spinner that you’ve gotta, well, spin. That one only shows up on the rarest of occasions though. All this happens while zany situations play out in the background, as the idea of the game is that the Elite Beat Agents motivate people through song to help get them through tough times. Well, there’s actually one scenario that’s quite sad rather than zany, and ashamed as I am to admit it, it had me weeping like a little girl. Seriously. If you can play the “You’re The Inspiration” level without shedding at least one tear, you’re made of stone, man. Fucking stone.

Like many of those other rhythm games out there, Elite Beat Agents out there is hellishly difficult. Which is odd because Nintendo stuck it in with the “Touch Generations” games, which are supposedly accessible to everyone. I guess most people could get by okay on Breezin’ (easy mode), up until the last song, “Jumpin’ Jack Flash” (a snazzy fast version too), which is like 50 times harder than all the other songs. And while I’m on the song note, the soundtrack is definitely there not for any single niche, but rather a hodegpodge of crap from all over. On the awesome hand, you’ve got kickass bands (well, covers of kickass bands) like Deep Purple (“Highway Star” FTW) and The Stray Cats, but then you’ve also gotta suffer through dreck like Cher and Goddamned “YMCA”. I mean, personally, I don’t mind too much, but I know that’s more than enough to turn off some people. And that’s sad, because EBA is a frickin’ awesome game. My only complaint is that they cut like a minute off of Hoobastank’s “Without A Fight”, wich is a stellar song.

If you’re looking for a distraction, maybe go play Magical Starsign or something. If you pick up Elite Beat Agents, you’ll likely get sucked in and lose hours upon hours trying to beat “Canned Heat”, assuming you’re as bad at this game as I am. But yes, this is a sweet game. I really shouldn’t have to say that, what with it being eighth on my list of the ten best games that came out last year and all.

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Our second special award this year is the “Most Improved” award. We always had one of these back in junior high back when they still gave out little trophies and medals to all the smartest kids, so I thought it would be a neat one to have here. The “Most Improved” award is for exactly what the name implies; a game that vastly improves over the previous entry(/entries) in that series. Whether it’s because the previous game(s) stunk like ass, or the sequel is just that much better, we don’t care as long as it beats out it’s predecessor(s).

MegaMan Battle Network 6 is not here because it’s a great game. It’s not ground-breaking, it doesn’t deliver a compelling story, even the gameplay is pretty much unchanged from the first game in the series. What does make it special is that it’s the only MMBN game that’s really been worth playing since 2. And I mean that quite literally. I got into the series at 2, and I loved the game to death. I explored every nook and cranny of it, and I got everything there was to get. 3 was okay, and while I did finish it 100%, my whole heart wasn’t in it. 4 flat-out sucked, and 5 was mediocre at best. Needless to say, I didn’t come anywhere close to finishing those two. Then 6 came along, and I felt the same spark I did for 2. And I played the snap out of it.

So what makes it better than the abysmal 4 and 5? I’m not too sure. It’s basically just the same thing over again. Look at any MegaMan series, and that’s the way it is. But there are a few little tweaks that propel it above the rest. Capcom changed the power-up system just enough so that it made the game fun, and not a hassle. In the two previous chapters, your battle power-ups (Soul Unison) would only last three turns, and they were kind of useless. There were also these horrid “dark chips” that completely broke the game unless you ignored them completely. In 6, the power-ups (Cross Change) are now virtually unlimited, and most of the Crosses are useful and/or fun to use. The dark chips have pretty much been tossed away altogether as well.

Maybe it doesn’t make sense to you as an outsider, and it isn’t entirely clear to me either, but MegaMan Battle Network 6 is somehow a much better game than the last few in the series. Best of all, it’s the last game in the series, so you don’t have to hear any more about it, and I don’t have to worry about it going down the shitter again. Definitely the most improvement in a sequel I’ve seen in a while.

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Yeah yeah. More MegaMan. I know, I’m weak. But this one is actually a seriously kickass game, and not just on here because of my insane fanboyism. It plays like a stronger, faster, more intense version of the MegaMan Zero games, two of which hit the chart in the past two years, so it’s really no surprise that ZX showed up.

The game is actually pretty far removed from MegaMan though. It’s MegaMan only in name, really. I mean, there are a few references to past MegaMan storylines, but aside from that, you could essentially put a different name on it and nobody would know. But it is MegaMan, and with that comes the promise of top-notch side-scrolling action. Like I said, it plays like the Zero series, so it’s fast and rather intense. The difficulty level has been toned down a bit, but most of the bosses and certain parts of the game will still give you a good run for your money. Adding to the greatness of it all, it plays like a Metroidvania title, in that the game is one big world for you to explore, rather than being cut up into levels. Of course, you can only access certain areas once you’ve got the right items, but unlike Metroid and Castlevania, those end up being more on the end of card keys rather than power-ups.

When you do get power-ups, they take form as different suits of armor for your character to wear. The game revolves around Biometals, which are basically rocks which hold the essence of various MegaMan characters. Once you gain a certain Biometal, you can use it and gain the powers of whichever robot it represents. Such powers include increased dash abilities, hovering, better water mobility, and being able to break select few walls. Half of them are pretty useless for regular combat, but there’s a secret Biometal you can earn which kicks complete and total ass. Still, playing the entire game as only the default MegaMan should be more than enough to please fans. The extra powers are just kind of for fun and finding secret stuff.

One of the coolest things about the game is that bosses regenerate themselves, so you can go back and fight any of them whenever you feel, without having to start a new game. You can even insert MegaMan Zero 3 and 4 into the GBA slot to pick fights with a few bosses from each of those games. I don’t really know what else to write about. The game is all about action, and dueling the multitude of boss robots is about as awesome as it gets. For anyone who thinks the MegaMan name should have died long ago, MegaMan ZX makes all those years of crappy X and Battle Network sequels totally worth it.

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Ever taken the time to dig up the StarFox 2 ROM? Well you’d be pleasantly surprised if you haven’t already, because StarFox 2 is totally great. It’s radically different from the original, but still maintains the StarFox feel and manages to rock all over the place. StarFox Command, as I would find out, is basically an extension of the wonder of technology that is StarFox 2.

I won’t dance around the fence here, there aren’t any on-rails flying levels in StarFox Command. It’s all all-range enemy hunts. And those are the butter to the game’s bread of strategic map-conquering. Sounds awfully sketchy, I know. That’s exactly what I thought. But, because I just can’t say no to StarFox, I picked up the game anyway. It couldn’t be any worse than StarFox Adventures, anyway. Long story short, the game is awesome and I feel awful for ever doubting it. The franchise has had some rough times, but if Command is any indication of where it’s going, then the outlook is pretty damn good.

So what’s this strategy business I mentioned? Simply put, each mission takes place on a map of whatever planet/area of space you may be currently flying around. The aim is either to destroy all the enemy fighters while defending the Great Fox from attack. Sounds simple, and it really is. But things get tricky once stuff like missiles and fog of war get involved. Yeah, that’s right. Fog of War. In StarFox. it’s weird, I know, but it works. Keeps things interesting, and you on your toes. So encountering an enemy or an enemy base on the map will initiate a dogfight, where your objective is to destroy all the listed bogeys within the time limit. Yep, there’s a time limit too, but trust me when I say all the game mechanics work perfectly well together. And speaking of which, the whole game is played with the touch screen. All the buttons on the DS do are fire your blasters, except the start button, which does the usual pause. Barrel rolls, loops, bombs, it’s all touch-activated. And it’s all good.

The only complaint I have with the game is actually with the series as a whole. I hate that the fact that they continually age the characters. At this rate, two games from now, Fox McCloud won’t even be in the games anymore. That or he’ll be an old fogey handing out advice, rather than blasting space monsters and whatnot. But aside from that little complaint, the game is stellar. Tons of story paths to choose from (though the story[ies?] isn’t particularly strong), great strategy and action gameplay, and good local multiplayer (sadly, WiFi multi is kind of disappointing). This isn’t the highest-ranked DS game on the list, but it’s probably the one I’d recommend the most. I just love it to death.

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Durr, more DS loving, coming right up. Castlevania: Dawn of Sorrow was granted a spot on last year’s list (#9), and now that I think about it, I really think I should have placed it higher. But it’s too late for that, so let’s just forget it and move on to this year’s contribution to the Castlevania franchise.

For everything Dawn of Sorrow did right, Portrait of Ruin comes and does it even better. Mostly. I mean, the games play essentially the same, but Portrait of Ruin is so much more refined, with so much more to it. Firstly, you get to play with two characters, Jonathan Morris and Charlotte Auldin, at the same time in PoR, which turns out really well. You have the choice to either just swap out between the two, or have the non-player character follow you around and help you out (using your MP bar as a life gauge). Either way you choose to do it, the system is great, and allows for a lot of choice in how to get around different enemies. Dawn’s Tactical Soul system is gone, replaced by subweapons and spells for Jonathan and Charlotte, respectively. While the Tactical Soul system was really great for customization purposes, I really like just having the basic subweapon/magic instead. Also, only some of your subweapons/spells are held by enemies, basically meaning you don’t have to grind every enemy in the game to have access to your full arsenal. That, and the Shuriken subweapon is insanely cheap once it’s mastered.

The castle is scaled down a bit on PoR, but that’s because there are nine other maps to explore! While the bulk of there are pretty small, it’s still the biggest Castlevania yet, as far as raw acreage goes. Sadly, the second set of four “levels” just feel like remapped copies of the first set with harder enemies. The castle itself is as great as ever though, and the ninth (optional) level is a very sweet colosseum-esque stage with some horrifically challenging battles inside. And speaking of horrifically difficult things, the bosses in PoR are crazy hard. The bulk of them will slaughter you pretty quickly on the normal difficulty. Needless to say, I’m a bit afraid to start a hard game. The final boss battle isn’t quite as rough as some of those leading up to it, but it’s quite a spectacular fight. Seriously. Fuck you, I’m spoiling it. You have to fight Dracula and Death. At the same time. And then they fuse. It’s awesome. If you look up the word “Awesome” in the dictionary, you’ll see a picture of PoR’s final boss fight.

And speaking of awesome stuff, there’s a ton to accomplish in Portrait of Ruin. Firstly, you’ve got the main game with it’s hugely long main quest, plus all the fun of fleshing out complete maps, completing all the quests, getting (and mastering) all the subweapons and spells, getting all the enemy drops and filling out the item collection. That alone took me over 25 hours. Then you unlock a whole whackload of shit. Not only one, but three bonus game modes, plus a hard mode for all four games. Then there are three Boss Rush mini-games to play (because there are just that many bosses in PoR). To top it all off, there’s a nice little WiFi option in which you can either buy/sell items from/to other players, or join up with someone else to play a co-op Boss Rush. The co-op mode doesn’t offer much of a challenge, really, but competing for top times is always fun, and the Shop Mode is decent if you have a bunch of rare drops and need to make a little extra coin.

Holy smokes. This is going to be like the longest article ever. By me. In any case, Castlevania rules. If you still haven’t waded into the series, I would highly recommend now to do it. It’s really not going to get much better than this. Konami’s set a very high standard for themselves, and the only way to really improve upon Protrait of Ruin would be some more diverse level design, and to go back to artwork that doesn’t look like it came out of a crappy Saturday morning anime. Seriously. Dracula looks like crap in this one. Normally he looks awesome and evil, but here he just looks like Uninspired Anime Villain #43. Don’t even get me started on Death. Eeeeeewww. Fuck, Konami. We know you have talented artists. Why did you not use them?

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“Wait. What?” you ask, “I could have sworn that game was for PSP.”

It’s true. I’ve been hiding a horrible, horrible secret from everyone: I broke down a bought a PSP a while ago. Under most circumstances, I’d feel pretty bad about it, but MegaMan Maverick Hunter X is just so damn awesome that I don’t care. It was worth every penny to be able to play this remake of one of my favourite games ever. As I’ve stated many times before, I’m quite a MegaMan fanboy. It’s a tough lot in life, but it’s the road I chose. And this road has led me to play nearly every MegaMan game in existence; some good, some bad, some utterly repulsive. But through it all, one thing has remained constant: my love for the original MegaMan X. I don’t know why I love it so, but that’s the way it is, and I doubt it’s ever going to change.

Maverick Hunter X is a full overhaul of MegaMan X, much like how Capcom redid Resident Evil for the GameCube. It keeps everything that made the original X great, and makes it better: the superb music, the harrowing storyline, the highway stage. Everything. Sure, they moved most of the power-ups around to throw off vets, but that’s quite alright. Incentive to fully explore the stages again is a good thing. Most of the stages do retain their original layout, but the Sigma palace levels are all completely mixed up, with some bits moved around, and some entirely new parts. It’s great. Even the transition to 3D graphics worked marvelously, beautifying the levels, and making some of the bosses look more like the animals they were modeled after (Spark Mandrill, anyone?).

Best part of the game? Hard to say. Firstly, they’ve included a 30-minute movie detailing to origin of the original Maverick outbreak, which is an absolutely awesome bonus feature. Second, you get a Hard difficulty level to play on once you’ve slaughtered the game completely, and hard it is. Bosses get new attacks, you get less life, all that good stuff. Third, Vile is a playable character! Once you’ve finished the game once with X, you can play through as Vile, who plays completely differently than X and adds a whole new layer of strategy to the game. And Vile’s game is nail-bitingly tough on the normal difficulty to boot. Hard mode with Vile is nigh impossible.

So in conclusion, this game is more than enough to warrant the purchase of a PSP for me, no matter how outrageously expensive it was. As such, MegaMan Maverick Hunter X gets the award for Best Port. Quite frankly, I wanted to place this game at Number 5 on the list, and while it does contain a gigantic deal of new and altered content, I just couldn’t bear myself to put two ports on the list. So why did Trauma Center make it? Because quite frankly, all new content aside, the core gameplay in MHX doesn’t change much at all, while Trauma Center’s is radically different from that of the original game. Still, I give Maverick Hunter X a great big recommendation, because it’s a really, really sweet game.

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While Okami certainly deserves a place in the top three, I’m afraid there are just other games that I have far too much brand loyalty to to say no to. But hey, if it’s the fourth best game I’ve played all year, that’s still putting in a pretty damn good word for it.

Ever since Clover Studios (now defunct) opened their website, which had a preview page for Okami, I’d been following the game from a distance. It wasn’t something I was anxious about, but it was on my radar. Then September came around and poof! there it was, and it was getting spectacular reviews. The good reviews coupled with Clover’s high standing in my mind and the beautiful art style were more than enough reason to rush out to the store and pick it up. And pick it up I did. Okami was more than I ever expected it to be. I was thinking it would be some sort of run-of-the-mill 3D adventure starring an animal, but it turns out it’s essentially Zelda for PS2. Seriously. At first, I was kind of on the fence about how much it resembled Zelda, but then I got to the first dungeon and I couldn’t help shaking the feeling that I was retreading the Forbidden Woods level from The Wind Waker, only as a wolf. There’s even a postman who, aside from attire, I would swear is the same as the one from Ocarina Of Time.

So what makes Okami original? Well, for one, you play as a wolf. Oh, right. Twilight Princess. To tell the truth though, now that I’ve played both, I can confidently say that I much prefer the wolf play in Okami. It just feels so much more natural. There’s also the fact that half the game is based around drawing stuff. Yep. Your special power as a God-in-wolf’s-clothing is to be able to paint stuff to make things happen. Over the course to the game you’ll learn many different brush techniques, letting you do many things ranging from slicing trees to making wind blow to creating bombs out of thin air. It’s awesome and works incredibly well, no matter how odd it sounds. Even though the game pauses for you to draw, it doesn’t really mess up the pacing of the game. It’s really not that fast-paced a game anyway, aside from battles. And those are pretty nuts. The boss enemies in particular are really impressive and require some tricky brush maneuvers to defeat. It’s also worth mentioning that they’re much more difficult than any of Twilight Princess’ bosses, no matter how gargantuan those may be.

One of the neat points of Okami is the focus of the game. I’m not a big fan of nature, but since this game is influenced so much by Japanese history and lore, most of the game revolves around saving nature and using your powers to help people and restore their faith in the Gods. Leveling up is actually done not by battling, but by gaining faith by helping people, animals, and plants. It’s a very refreshing change from the usual game that takes itself too seriously and focuses on saving the world from utter destruction. Playing Okami is like taking a beautiful, relaxing vacation from normal video games, in the same way The Wind Waker was from other Zeldas. It’s just so pretty and stylish that you could just roam about and enjoy watching the scenery go by.

There’s much more to be mentioned, but there’s a better way than listening to me ramble about it: go out and buy the game. Trust me on this one. It’s fantastic. Fifty dollars is a bargain for such a fine piece of art. The only thing that really makes me wonder is why this wasn’t a DS project. I mean, it’s all about drawing after all. And Tony Hawk proved last year that cel-shading looks pretty good on the little handheld that could. Even a sequel (on either platform) would be fantastic, but I doubt that we’re going to see one, what with Clover being broken up and all. Worst decision ever, Capcom. And you’ve make some pretty big fuck-ups. Anyway, I know you own a PS2, everyone does. Go out and buy Okami. You’ll be doing yourself a huge favour.

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If you read my blog, you can pretty much skip this. You already know how much I loooove Guitar Hero. Best peripheral/music game ever. And the sequel only makes everything better. Well, as better as it can get.

First off, we’ve obviously got ourselves a new soundtrack. It’s quite a bit longer than the original too. Boasting 17 more songs than the first game, Guitar Hero 2 comes full of bands that I love (though the regular songs are all covers) like Cheap Trick, KISS, The Stray Cats, and Rush. Fucking RUSH. That alone is enough to boot the game up to the top of the list. Anything that features Rush must be good. It’s science. Some other bands/artists that I’m happy to see include The Police, Dick Dale, and (the return of) Megadeth. GH2 is also a helluva lot harder than its predecessor. I’m not saying Guitar Hero was easy, but some of the songs on this one seem like they were put in there just to break even the most confident players. You ever heard All That Remains’ “Six”? Or how about Buckethead’s “Jordan”? Incidentally, while “Freebird” is the final song, it’s not nearly as bad as it might seem by ear. I’ve actually gotten rather good at it. “Thunderhorse” on the other hand, continues to wipe the floor with my sorry ass.

On the gameplay side of things, it’s exactly the same. hammer-ons and pull-offs were changed just a leetle bit to make life easier, assuming you’ve the ability to put the techniques to use. I’m learning slowly, and surprisingly enough they’re actually helping a bit, and making my game all that more impressive to passers-by. There are a couple new characters to choose from, including the frightening and poorly proportioned Lars Umlaut. All the default characters also have a second costume that you can unlock. Also, the range of guitars you can buy and use has increased exponentially, and there are plenty of different finishes for each style to boot. There are even secret guitars that can be unlocked by beating and five-starring each song on each difficulty level. Obviously, the best ones are the hardest to unlock. Finally, the unlockable songs (some mentioned above) are mostly better than the last game’s offering. A lot of awesome bands return, including Freezepop (<3  Freezepop), Drist, and the Acro-Brats. Made In Mexico still sucks though. And then there’s great new bands like The Last Vegas, Bang Camaro, and That Handsome Devil. On a related note, I’ve actually seen Every Time I Die in concert, which is kind of neat.

The new training mode, I assume, is rather useful. I’ve used it very little, but it has helped me improve a few rough spots and pass a couple songs on the expert difficulty. I might get really good at the game if I were to make better use of it, but as it is, I prefer just to play a song over and over to learn the ins and outs, even though practicing parts of a song at slower speeds sounds like a much more practical way to do it. Multiplayer is vastly improved, with better competitive options, and a spankin’ cooperative mode. Add the fact that on co-op you each play a different guitar part (lead, rhythm, bass), and you’ve got some wicked shredding going down.

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It was impossible for me to decide between Tales of the Abyss and Guitar Hero 2 for second place, so I had to tie them. It’s a reasonable compromise, don’t you think? I just adore both games so much, how could I put one over the other?

If you’ll recall, I named Tales of Symphonia the best game I’d played in 2004. And Abyss doesn’t fall far from that tree. But wait, there were two Tales games released this year, and Tales of Legendia isn’t even on the list! So what gives? Quite frankly, for all the things I liked about Legendia, I could just never get into it. I found the characters lovable, the story great, and the battle system fun, but literally I had to force myself to put the game disc in and muscle through it after the first half of the game. I don’t know what it was, but somewhere the attraction waned. Fortunately, Tales of the Abyss came along a short few month later to make everything better. It might even hold a higher place in my heard than Symphonia, if it weren’t for Symphonia’s exquisite character design and writing.

If you want a basic review of Tales of the Abyss, go find the Tales of Symphonia review on the September 2004 page in the blog archive. All the great things about that game translate directly onto this one, with only a handful of real changes. Obviously, the story and characters are different, but the overall feel of the game is essentially the same. The soundtrack is (mostly) once again by genius Motoi Sakuraba, which means it’s good enough to purchase twice. The battle system is almost exactly the same as that in Symphonia, the only real differences being that you can run around freely (after acquiring a certain skill), and a slightly altered magic system. Really, if you’ve played any previous Tales game, you should have a good idea what to expect: RPG battles that play out almost like Super Smash Bros.

One of the big changes are the various stat/ability-altering systems. Capacity Cores will add to your stat increases during level-ups, allowing you to super-power your characters in whatever field(s) you have a Capacity Core for. Fon Slot Chambers allow you to attach an FSC to each of your spells/skills to add different effects, depending on the skill and FSC colour. For example, a red FSC on most skills will increase attack/healing power, while a green FSC will usually decrease TP consumption. Lastly, we’ve got Additional Skills. Your characters will all gain AD skills when they reach certain levels or increase a stat to a certain number. Some are pretty basic, like moving faster in battle, while others have awesome effects like being able to use Over Limit attacks and avoid status effects. All three systems add a far deeper level of character customization than even Symphonia did with its wacky Exsphere business.

Tales of the Abyss doesn’t stray much from the Tales mold (except for they’ve been cutting out the Summon Spirits completely lately…), and that’s exactly why I think of it as lovingly as I do. Namco has a real winning formula here, if only the general populace would free themselves from the shackles of Final Fantasy and realize that there are fun RPGs out there, the world would be a happier place for all. Again, it’s science.

•
It’s fucking Zelda.

Yeah I’m leaving it at that. Sometimes the point is best made with few words. In any case, I know this list might be a little harder for some to agree with than previous lists, in which I ahd a slightly higher percentage of popular games, but meh. These are the kinds of things I like to play. If you don’t like it, go back to whatever overhyped garbage you think is good. Also, blow it out your ass.

So stop what you’re doing

So the topic of Final Fantasy XII came up today over at the Penny Arcade. Surely if you’ve been following it at all, you know all about this Gambit system they’re poking fun at. Now, this normally wouldn’t merit my attention, but it creates a huge anomaly in my game philosophy.

See, I don’t like conventional RPGs all that much (except Pokémon. I love Pokémon). Something about choosing your actions from a menu just doesn’t click with me. The aforementioned Gambit system serves to further sever the link between gamer and game, and yet it makes me thirst for the game so badly. I mean, I played the demo and liked it, what with it lacking random battles and all, even if it was a little awkward to learn. Even the story piqued my interest to a high degree, and I’m one who commonly berates others who “play for the story.” The thing is, either the Gambit system wasn’t there, or I didn’t notice it or I didn’t use it properly or something, because there was no “programming my guys,” to be seen. And now that I hear about it, and the depth at which I can set up my peoples, my desire for the game is only intensified.

So yeah, it’s kind of wierd. Maybe I’ll go play the demo again in hopes that I can convince myself it’s just as bad as all the other FF games, but I doubt it’ll work. It’s set in Ivalice after all. And we all know that nothing related to FF Tactics, Advance or otherwise, can truly be bad.

Just let me sleep

I found a great review of FFVII: Advent Children. Yeah it’s a little out-of-date, but a good read no less. Find it here.

In video game news, I’ve been enjoying two of my favourite games from the last generation, Super Mario 64 and MegaMan Legends. What this has to do with any thing, I can’t really tell you. What I do know is that I’m a little surprised at how much better those two games can hold my attention than most from the current generation. I even spent 6 straight hours playing Castlevania: Symphony of the Night some weekends ago, and I can rarely play a single game for two hours straight these days. I bought MGS3:Subsistence a few months ago, and I’m still not even halfway through it. Even the oh-so-lovable Katamari Damacy can only keep me occupied for about an hour at a time. Are games really getting less interesting? It can’t be me, because I can still sit down for hours with the classics and most handheld games. Who knows? Maybe it’s just a phase. I can very much see myself not leaving the house (my room?) for long periods of time once that Wii thing makes its way into my living space. End ramblings.

I wish I could, but it’s too late

It’s just a rumor, but the idea that we might get an Earthbound compilation makes me sqee with joy.

Also, Dragon Quest IX might be Wii-exclusive. You can’t tell, but I’m crying tears of happiness.

Sweet-ass Twilight Princess art.

Cactuar might be reason enough to get Mario Hoops 3-on-3.

Article up sometime tonight. Sometime. Don’t know when yet. Whenever I get bored, I guess.

RAW 01 – The Death of Aeris

I’ve been thinking up starting a running series of article where I rip on something that most people really like. Or something like that. Anyway, let’s just jump right into the first issue of “Ryan Against the World.”

Video games offer a lot. Mostly, they’re entertainement mediums, and for ages that was based solely in the actual gameplay. Nowadays however, there’s a greater emphasis on story and character development and music and all that stuff that goes along with it. One thing that video games have been really getting into since the Nintendo64/Playstation generation was emotional weight. With more complex stories and characters comes all sorts of crazy crap that can really make you feel while you’re playing the game (or sitting through the cutscenes, in most cases). there are games out there that will have you laughing heartily, bring you halfway to tears, or stir you into a vicious rage (and not just because the game is difficult).

Now, I’m all for this, see? I don’t really need any more reason to play video gmaes than to have fun, but it all comes as a nice bonus. But some people live for this kind of stuff, and as such, it’s a pretty popular topic in forums and polls on gaming websites. So where am I going with all of this? I don’t really know, but I needed an intro of some sort. Anyway, when it all comes down to it, I’ve noticed that there is one almost unanimous opinion for the more emotional moment in video game history: the death of Aeris in Final Fantasy 7.

I’ll put it bluntly. What the fuck? The world thinks that that was the most emotional moment in video games? They thought it was sad? People cried? I’ll accept that the world is comprised of dumb FF7 fanboys, but come on. How could you have possibly been sad when Aeris died? Yeah, it was a little shocking (and illogical) that she got bumped off not even halfway through the game, but it was not in the slightest a sad moment. In fact, I was hollering for joy when they neglected to realize that a Phoenix Down would fix it all. Basically, what I’m trying to say is that Aeris sucks.

Yes, now I’ve incurred the wrath of every gamer that Sqeenix has on their super-leash, but I don’t rightly give a damn. Aeris is like the worst character ever. For one: she’s a bum. Let’s face it, the bitch lived in a broken, abondoned church. Alone, it’s not really a proper strike against her, because some people just can’t help it, but I’m actually going somewhere with this. She clearly has no grasp on the concept of money. Selling flowers for one lousy Gil? No wonder she’s a goddamned hobo. She’d have to sell a whole damn boquet just to afford half a potion. Besides that, who in Midgar would want flowers? And shitty one-gil flowers to boot? Nobody appreciates cheap flowers. Nobody.

Secondly, she’s worthless in battle. Unless of course, you get her higher-level limit breaks, which you only get by using her extensively. And even then, they’re not enough to warrant keeping her in the party. This wouldn’t be so bad if you could just lump her off to the side like Cait Sith and Yuffie, but was there not a segement of the game where they forced her into your party? Not to mention that if you decided to go all the way and do the whole rigamarole of getting her final limit break and purchased her new weapons and shit throughout the adventure, you’d be out a whole lotta time and cash. Of course, all of this is just icing on the top of the fact that she’s a horribly annoying character. Cloud has zero taste in women.

There are tons of sadder moments in video games than when Aeris dies. Some of those include:

  • The death of Lisa in Silent Hill (actually, the entire story is kinda sad)
  • The death of Stella in Tales of Legendia (only because it means Senel will be hooking up with Shirley, whom I also harbor distaste for)
  • When you realize there’s only about 20 minutes of actual gameplay in any given Metal Gear Solid game.
  • Purchasing an Xbox/360 (after you realize what you’ve done)
  • When the local Chuck E Cheese’s closes, and it was the only place within miles that still had the Captain America and the Avengers arcade game.

That seems to be the most of what I have to say, and I have no more silly things to add to that list, so that’s it for today. Remember kids: Winners don’t do drugs. Captain America and the Avengers was like the best game ever.

Final Fantasy 7: Advent Children

Ok, before I start this up, if you’re a Final Fantasy 7 fanboy/girl, and refuse to believe that anything relating to the game can be wrong, just stop reading now. If you hate FF7 and are looking for a good bashing of the movie, stop reading now. Finally, if you don’t want spoilers, stop reading for the love of Odin. This review goes over pretty much every little nuance of the story (as weak as it is), so it’s absolutely loaded with spoilers. Anyone else may continue. And if you’re a hot chick, you may E-mail me some naked pictures of yourself.

As the title may have lead you to believe, I’ve now seen the Final Fantasy 7: Advent Children movie. What I have to say about it is pretty much irrelevant to how I feel about it, and the technical stuff here is more or less for me to nitpick and tell anyone who wants to see the movie (and doesn’t mind spoilers) what to expect. So let’s get the show on the road already.

The first thing I’m going to go over is the story. That shouldn’t take very long, since it’s the most bare-bones plot I’ve seen since Super Mario Bros (the game, not the movie). It starts off summing up what happened in FF7, and then goes on to tell you how people have become poisoned or whatnot by some mysterious force. Not long after, we learn that these people (all children, by the way) are sick because they have Jenova’s DNA or whatnot and the world doesn’t like them for it. Then these three dudes appear (with Jenova DNA of their own), bearing a resemblance to Mr. Oh-so-cool himself, Sephiroth. Turns out they’re looking for the remains of Jenova so that they can have a reunion of some kind. Blah blah blah. Cloud and company enter, cloud fights bad guys, Turks appear, say they want to help restore the world, secretly hold remains of Jenova. So stuff goes on, fight scenes happen, and the bad dudes take all the infected kids to a pool, brainwash them, and then attack the city. Leader of bad guys (forgot his name, not looking it up) summons goofy-looking Bahamut, kids become un-brainwashed, Cloud & friends defeat Bahamut. Rufus (Turk leader) reveals Jenova remains, bad guy leader gets them, Cloud chops them, bad guy cries, fight scene, bad guy turns into Sephiroth (Ooh! What a surprise!), more fight scene, Cloud wins, gets shot, come back to life, lame ending.

And that’s it. I should mention that the entire plot is completely obvious after the first ten minutes or so of the movie, so it’s not like you’re going to be surprised at all even if you didn’t read the summary. I mean, nothing at all happened, with the exception of Bahamut, that I didn’t see coming from a mile away. The tale was interesting to watch, but it was more predictable than a clock. But whatever, I’ve never been to worried about how good a plot is anyway. Unless of course, I’m reading a book.

Now while the plot is passable, there are a few things I have to pick out. For one, the brainwashing of the children was totally irrelevant. They did nothing but stand around mindlessly while they were brainwashed, and as far as I remember, the bad dudes never even mentioned using them for anything. But I digress, there are some bigger issues abound. Like Rufus, for example. When he first appears, he’s in a wheelchair, all cloaked as if he’s horribly scarred or whatnot. Later on, he hops off the wheelchair and throws off the cloak, revealing that he looks just as normal as ever. But he’s still got an eye-patch. Any guesses? Yep, it too gets thrown off, and under it is a perfectly good eye! Why? Why? There was no logic behind pretending to be crippled and deformed. Maybe he just wanted to fool everyone. But there was no real reason presented.

And the biggest issue I have with the movie is the entire Bahamut scene. Firstly, the leader of the bad guys takes the Bahamut materia and absorbs it into himself. The game had us believe that materia was clipped onto your armor/weapon or whatnot, and not that you’d absorb the damn thing and create a neon tumor. Then when the big dragon appears, he looks like a total homo, with stupid-looking armor and terribly designed wings. I swear, this incarnation of the King of Dragons does almost as much injustice to him as his FFX representation. And then to top it all off, the good guys start attacking it! Why would you attack a goddamned summon monster? Theoretically, they should just be able to summon it again. but that’s not even the worst of it all. Near the end, Bahamut flies way, way up to the top of a tower, and Cloud has to follow him somehow. Let’s see, what’s the best way to do this? Well the idiots that made this movie decided that each character from the FF7 game should fly in and throw him up a bit more. It’s impossible to describe this pile of shit scene with words, so I drew a diagram. and then, finally, Cloud actually manages to carve this gigantic beast – the most revered summon of like ever – right in two. Stupid, stupid, stupid. And Cloud wasn’t even using any materias. At least, I didn’t see any tumors of colour on him.

That’s pretty much all I found unacceptable there though. Otherwise, it’s only extremely nitpicky, like physically impossible fighting maneuvers and hair that was never meant ot look realistic. And to be fair, it’s time I said what was good about the movie.

Firstly, and most obviously once you’ve seen their first couple scenes, Reno and Rude make great comedy relief. Nearly every scene they’re found in is hilarious or at least will make you smile a little. then there’s the fact that Reno can crawl up walls like Spider-Man, which I found extremely entertaining, especially when Rude tried to climb up with him on one occasion and promptly fell flat on his back. they’re easily the best characters in the movie. I was never too big on any characters from FF7 (with the exceptions of Vincent and Barret), but if these guys played a role in the game at all similar to the one they had in the movie, I can’t believe that I missed it. Another thing that was awesome is Barret’s gun arm. In the flashback at the beginning, the gun was tiny and I made an angry note of that right away, but when he popped in later on, it was huge and shot like fifty bullets at a time. After rereading it, that sentence sounds unnecessarily phallic.

There were some other really cool things going on in the movie, like Cloud’s bike. the sides of the thing fan out, and reveal a rack of swords for him to choose from. And by the end, he’s used and lost all of them. The fight scenes were pretty fun, except for the fact that a few maneuvers that various characters pulled off were just plain impossible. And I’m not talking run-up-a-wall impossible here. I can accept a lot of over-the-top stuff, but they crossed a couple lines here. Other than that, though, lots of swordfighting and a cool fistfight with Tifa and one of the bad guys.

I’m sure there was a lot else that I both liked and disliked about the flick, but I can’t think of ’em at the moment, so I’m gonna wrap this baby up. Like I said before, everything I mentioned was for the sake of the review. None of it really impacts my final judgement. All things good and bad aside, I will say that this movie was a success on the grounds that I was entertained. That’s really all it takes for me to give something a good review these days. As long as I find a movie/game/song/what-have-you entertaining, chances are that I’m gonna end up giving it a positive rating. So the FF7 movie, although a lot of things about it made me angry, gets a solid A-. Somewhere between 85 and 90 on the percent scale. If I’d seen it in a theater, I wouldn’t ask for my $10 back. I would watch it again, but I surely wouldn’t buy it. It was much better than I’d anticipated (I expected very little. Video game movies are always the suck), but it wasn’t perfect. I’ll recommend it, just don’t tell me that it’s the best movie ever (not even in the top 50). I know it’ll be way overrated, because the game was, and those sheep that are Square fans (I personally like Enix a lot) will fall in love with anything that has Cloud or Sephiroth on it. Example: Ehrgeiz. That was one of the worst fighting games I’ve ever had the misery of playing, yet many loved it for its FF7 tie-ins. But now I’m way off-topic. Final Fantasy 7: Advent Children is worth your time. Go watch it. Just don’t ask me to talk about it any more.

The Good Stuff:
  • Reno & Rude = HALARIUS!!1!
  • Pretty. Very pretty.
  • Barret’s got a frickin’ sweet arm-gun
  • Cloud’s bike is also frickin’ sweet
  • Action scenes are engaging
The Bad Stuff:
  • Story moves pretty slow, and is mostly irrelevant
  • Smells like fanfiction
  • The Bahamut tower scene
  • Goes too far over the top now and then

The Ten Greatest Games of 2004

It’s been a pretty good year for video games, especially for sequels. Games have gotten longer, harder, more prettier, and more innovative. At least that’s what I’ve been seeing. Many people tend to disagree with me about stuff and junk, but that’s not too important, because it’s time for Ryan’s opinion to shine! Yes, I’ve painstakingly picked out the ten games which came out this past year which have stood out the most. These games are the cream of my crop, the ones that make me happy to be an overobsessive gamer.

It took me a long time to think out the list, and there are a-plenty that didn’t make the cut, even though they so deserved such recognition. And even worse was putting them in order. When you want to rank something you love for nostalgia’s sake higher than a more deserving of the spot, it’s hard to make the call, but I did my best to put aside my obvious Nintendo bias and come up with a well-rounded list for all to gawk at.

There were some rules to abide by though. For one, I would not put a game on the list which I haven’t played. That was an obvious one, and narrowed down the list. Unfortunately, it also probably woudl ahve changed had I not gotten a job and been able to play a wider range of games. The second rule is that remakes could not be included. This caused Super Mario 64 DS, Final Fantasy: Dawn of Souls, and a couple other great ones to be cast aside, but it’s more fair that way (as they would have taken the top spots with no questions asked).So I guess now that I’ve made my objective and means of achieveing it clear, it’s about time I got down to business.


~ #10 ~
Kingdom Hearts : Chain of Memories

Our first entry just barely made it onto the list, as I played it just one day prior to writing this. Not to mention that it was only released just before Christmas. And seeing as how I’ve played very, very little of the game, it’s clear that it rightfully deserves to be on the list.

While I learned to enjoy the original Kingdom Hearts after playing it a couple times, I still haven’t gotten a chance to really get into it. So I figured since I liked it, why not check out the GBA sequel? My brother bought it, and after less than half an hour with it, I knew it was a keeper. The opening video alone is enough to sway anyone who has insecurities about the crad battle system. It’s simply amazing what Square-Enix was able to do with the so-called “primitive” GBA technology. And the battle system isn’t nearly as bad as the cards it’s bulit on might imply. It’s still a totally active battle system, just with cards in place of attacking moves. You can still run, jump, and roll as normal, of course.

And then there’s the plot. Basically, it takes place right after the first game (so I was lost, I never saw the ending to the first), and Sora is trapped alone in Castle Oblivion, where gain is loss, and loss is gain. It’s all very confusing at first, but after the cloaked stranger who greets you as you step into the castle explains everything, it makes a little more sense. How the game progresses is interesting too. Every door in the castle leads to a part of Sora’s memories, and each door is unlocked by using cards won in fights. Depending on which card you use, the area beyond will be different, and different numbers of Heartless will popluate that area. This is reminiscent of the world-building features of Legend of Mana and Final Fantasy Tactics Advance, only much more in-depth.

Overall, it’s a first for the world of gaming, in that it makes very good use of an active card battle system, where many have failed before. Highly recommended, as will be all of the games on this list.


~ #9 ~
Mario Party 6

Another close call for thie list, as I only got to play it once before now, but boy did it leave an impression. Mario Party 5 is easily the greatest party game ever, with my two all-time favorite mini-games: Pushy Penguins and Fish Upon a Star. But Mario Party 6 also has plenty of it’s own charms. Sadly, I haven’t been able to explore all the features of the game, nor have I seen even half of the mini-games, but there is one key factor in why I put this one on the list: The Microphone.

Karaoke Revolution was probably the first game in a long time to use a mic (but that might change with the DS), but that was probably passed by the wayside, as I never heard anything about it after it was announced. But Mario Party 6 takes the mic and implements it in a great number of ways, and without overusing the thing, might I add. There are about five or so regular mini-games where you use the mic, and they pop up randomly when in Party Mode. All are 3-on-1, obviously, as you only get one mic. One game has you driving a huge war machine and shouting commands like “fire” and “bombs” in hopes of defeating your rivals, while another makes you shout at a herd of goombas to help them escape the wrath of your enemies. Since it’s not overused, it’s always great fun when a mic game pops up.

Aside from those, there is also a dedicated Mic Mode, where everythign aside from game setup is controlled by the microphone. One game is a parody of Jeopardy!, only with more Mario Party-esqe challenges like guessing the identity of a distorted silhouette or remembering how many goombas went by in a stampede of monsters. With 3 or four players, this is an excellent game, and even better since another player can ring in to pick up some rebound points if somebody gets their question wrong. Another game is a race to the finish, where you have to shout at your character to run, move upwards and downwards, jump, and several other things. Unfortunatley, this one is only one-player, and is a bit lackluster for anytone who might be stuck watching. There is a third Mic Mode game, but I damn well can’t remember it.

Mario Party 6 surely topples the first four, but it’s stillto be seen whether it’s got the right stuff to best old number five. In either case, it’s still an excellent party game. Just make sure you bring at least one other person to play with. As fun as they are, Mario Parties, like any other parties, get stale if you’re the only one attending.


~ #8 ~
Mario VS. Donkey Kong

Ah, memories come flooding in of good old Donkey Kong ’94, easily one of the greatest original Game Boy games ever. And with a scarce number of original Mario games being released these days, it’s nice to get a refreshing taste of something that isn’t quite a Mario game, but could qualify in a pinch.

It seems that Donkey Kong has had enough scrounging various island for bananas and has gone back to stealing things from Mario and climbing tall buildings. Just like it used to be. Only this time, he’s not kidnapped Mario’s girlfriend, but every one of his cute little Mini-Mario toys. Mario, being the money-grubbing businessman he is, decides not to just make a new batch, but goes after the big ape in an effort to save the precious toys. It’s back to the good old days of hopping platforms and climbing ropes and vines that we so miss.

Now if you’ve played Donkey Kong ’94 (which you really should have – it’s not one to be missed), you know that the objective is to find a key on each level and bring it to the door to progress. But wait. Ther’s more this time around. After you’ve found the key, you get taken to the second part of the stage, where you’ve gotta rescue one of the Mini-Marios. A challenge worthy of a plumber/toymaker/doctor/racer/etc? Yes indeedy. After 6 levels of this key and Mini-Mario collecting, you move onto a new type of level, where you must guide the little guys to the safety of the nearest toybox. These levels are usually very complicated and often involve many enemies and switch platforms. And getting all the Mini-Marios to the box is worth the effort, as for each one you save, you get one hit point for the next level – the boss fight wiht Donkey Kong himself.

The boss fights are pretty basic. You pick up and throw things at DK, and whoever loses all their hit points first is the loser. It get harder later on, when you’re forced to navigate lasers or block flying objects whilst attempting to smack the big ape upside the head with a barrel. After six worlds of this, you’re rewarded with… Hard mode. Finish those six worlds, and then you’re done. Maybe.

A secondary challenge for expert players (and I mean it, these are damn hard) is a score attack option. Each level has a set high-score, and beating that score will net you a star. The objective is mostly to move as fast as you can on the normal and Mini-Mario levels, and not to get hit on the DK battles. It doesn’t sound too hard, but once you get to World 3 or so, you’ll realize just why I noted that this challenge is for experts only. This provides a huge leap in difficulty from simply surviving until the last level, and is probably one of those thigns you’ll never want to have to do again after you’ve completed it. But you probably will, because it’s just so damn enjoyable.


~ #7 ~
The Sims 2

I honestly didn’t think I would ever own The Sims 2. That was until I played it, and I got a new computer capable of running it (perfectly, might I add). The original Sims was great at first, but gradually got boring, because there wasn’t much more to do than keep your sims alive. Somehow, though, they managed to do it. Maxis figured out a way to make me fall in love wiht the sims all over again. And this time, I don’t think it’ll just be another fling. This time, it’s serious.

Like I said, in the original game, your only other real goal besides keeping the little guys alive was to get them to the highest job level. Which was nearly impossible. Unless you could stop time, becasue those damned skills took so long to build after level 3. But in The Sims 2, there are plenty of side objectives and “mini-gmaes”, like gettign your children into private school, and the whole Wants anf Fears deal. And let’s not forget aging and genetics. That opens up whole new worlds for sim breeding. Unfortunately, the developers had the humanity to stop us from letting them inbreed. It sucks, cause now I can’t get the super golden sim which can travel to all points on the world map. (FF7 joke, people)

So what is this about Wants and Fears, you ask? Well I suppose I could take some time out of my busy schedule to clue you in a bit. You see, each sim has an ambition. Be it an ambition for riches, knowledge, love, or just to grow up, every sim has one, and it affects which things the sim wants in life. For example, my sim has a “faimly” ambition. Therefore, his Wants will be along the lines of “have first kiss” “get married” “have baby” and “play with sibling”. His Fears on the other hand would be things like a death in the family, or being rejected for a marriage proposal. Each ambition has it’s own set of Wants and Fears, and set point values for each. So when a sim completes one of his greatest Wants, his ambition meter with go through the roof. And when it gets full enough, he would receive the fabled Platinum Mood, in which he’s happy all the time. So really, you don’t have to take care of your sims’ needs in this game, you just have to fulfill their wants.

Finally, the sim editor in this game is waaaaaay better. I probably didn’t use enough a’s to get across the true greatness of it. Rather than simply selecting a head and body for your sim, you can customize every tiny detail of their heads. If you’re really good, you could proabbly make one that looks exactly like you. You can also choose outfits for several different occasions, what makeup they wear, how much stubble they have, and you even get to set up the preliminary family tree when you create a family. Me, I love character editors, and that alone will last me ages. So have to say, if you still enjoy The Sims, don’t get The Sims 2, becasue it’ll probably be the death of you. However, if you’re looking for a deeper sims experience, this will be right up your alley. As long as your PC can take it. Fortunately, by today’s standards, it doesn’t require that much.


~ #6 ~
Viewtiful Joe 2

Easily my favorite new(er) series, Veiwtiful Joe has a hell of a lot going for him. First of all, it’s undeniable that the game is packed with style. From Joe himself, who goes to unearthly lenghts to impress his audiences, to the game itself, with it’s over-the-top movie motif and beautiful cel-shded graphics, Viewtiful Joe 2 takes the bar which the first game set, and raises it right to the top (or bottom, if this happens to be a limbo competition). It was hard for me not to put this closer to the top, but as great as it is, the others certainly show that they deserve their spots.

The biggest addition to the game is the whole new level of gameplay: the addition of Joe’s girlfriend, Silvia, to the mix. The brings along an entirely new way to play with her twin guns and exclusive VFX power, Replay (which kicks serious ass). You can interchange between the two heroes at any time, and they can even team up for several different super attacks. The blissful 2D beat-’em-up gameplay from the first returns with few changes, but as they say, don’t fix what ain’t broke. Me, I love simple games like this that you can blaze through in a couple days more than long drawn-out adventures, simply because these ones turn out to have the greatest fun potential, enabling you to play through over and over. And let’s not forget the various dificulty levels to fight your way through, plus the new challenge mode entitled “The 36 Chambers”, which are unlocked as you complete certain criteria in the main game. All of this, of course, is governed by the inhuman difficuulty level that makes Viewtiful Joe the first name to pop into your head when someone asks about a hard game.

But the gameplay is certainly not the only thing the game has going for it. Sounds a little weird saying that, but whatever. Remember how The Wind Waker was a pleasantly funny? Viewtiful Joe 2 is positively priceless. The first game had it’s one-liners for sure, but 2 takes the foundation it built and will have you rolling on the ground at least every second cutscene. For example, when you start level one, Joe notices Silvia has new clothes, and she respons that you can do whatever you want in Movie World andf that Joe should give it a try. The resulting scene is possibly the most intentionally hilarious moment in video gaming ever. Of course, the fun doesn’t end there.

The bosses deserve their own damn paragraph, since they’re such a prominent part of the game. Not only do they pose a huge challenge to players, but their characters are easily worth mention, just like in the first game. The first boss, Big John, is an over-chibied T-Rex that keeps coming back throughout the story in different costumes claiming to be a different character each time. Flinty Stone, the huge stone idol boss, has one of the most amusing cutscene dialogues with the heroes ever, and the final boss (whos identity is obvious after the intro cutscene) is rather cool. Plus once you’ve beaten him, you realize that he’s actually quite a good guy, just taking the wrong route to his goals. Probably a few more spoilers there than you’d care for, but it’s all pretty predicatable. Capcom’s never exactly been one to forge a tale of wonder and surprise.

Duh. I love the game. You’d probably love the game if you had any taste. It excels in every area the first one did, and adds some excellent things (like a stage select), while giving up a few (no hidden characters…). But everythign levels out, as the extra characters didn’t add that much to the first game. I just wish they’d give us the good quality version of the “Viewtiful World” music video. The warehouse version is good and all, but I like colour.


~ #5 ~
MegaMan Zero 3

I’ll start by saying that the Zero series is probably the best of all the assorted MegaMan series. It takes the standard X formula, makes it a little faster paced and more difficult, and then tacks on Zero as the main hero. Not to mention that it’s got a semi-coherent story, unlike that of the later X games (everything worked up until X4, then it went to hell). The first game was an excellent starting point. It had a reasonable difficulty level, and was a ton of fun. I must’ve played through it at least seven or eight times. The second, however, took the difficulty curve and made it steeper than some kind of really steep thing. The first level is acceptable, but after that, the holes, the spikes, the bosses. It was all way too hard. I did manage to finish it after a good year though. And enjoyably enough, MegaMan Zero 3 finds the perfect niche between the first two games and is just what the doctor ordered. Hopefully the fourth (which is now confirmed) will keep up the good name of Zero.

The reason the first games were hard was simply that getting the best things and special abilities required you to go through the entire games without using any Cyber Elves (which have various effects like restoring life and eliminating some traps) or getting killed, and you had to do it fast too. All this becasue you had to keep a steady A or S rank to achieve all the secrets. But Zero 3 saves you a little trouble. Whereas the first two deducted rank points for any Cyber Elf use, 3 lets you equip any two Satellite type (non-perishable) elves you like without any penalty. However, Fusion type (one use) elves still incur point loss. So you could, say, increase your life bar to give yourself a foothold and a better chance of surviving with a good rank. The levels are still unforgiving as ever, but the bosses are slightly toned down to a point where you stand a chance even if you don’t possess their weakness.

And of course, with every sequel comes new features! This one brings about a chip collecting feature, which provide you with character/story information, Cyber Elves, and sometimes even upgrade chips. You see, Zero can equip various chips to his head, body and feet to give him special abilities. Some of these abilities include being able to jump on water infinitely, reduced wall-sliding speed, quick weapon charging, or life regeneration. Body chips hold the elemental properties of the Element Chips of games of old, and also some other, somewhat less important properties. It goes without saying that you can only equip one of each chip at a time, but if you manage to find a secret boss and defeat him, you can acquire an Ultimate Foot chip, which is ovbiously an all-in-one deal.

It should also be noted that the first two Zero games, while excellent in gameplay, had a terrible narrative. The story wasn’t so bad, as it did make an unexpected amount of sense, but the translation job was atrocious. Capcom is pretty notorious for this kind of thing, so it’s more excusable than if a more illustrious company such as Nintendo has pulled something like this. Zero 3, on the other hand, is rather clean. Spelling errors are minimal at most, and everything makes sense, whereas in the other two games a lot fo the time you had no idea what the characters were trying to say. All this, and at the end, there’s a really neat plot twist, and a very cool final boss battle.

Without a doubt the greatest of the Zero games, MegaMan Zero 3 satisfied my cravings for a game featuring Zero that ahd a reasonable difficulty level. Worth picking up if you like any of the older MegaMan games, but yearn for a little more speed and intensity.


~ #4 ~
Feel the Magic XY/XX

The only Nintendo DS game on the list, and at such a high placement to boot. Feel the Magic XY/XX is what I feel to be the most original game ever to be made. Okay, maybe second to WarioWare, but other than that, most original ever. And the fact that Sega is behind it is the icing on the cake. You know just by that fact that it’s bound to be bizarre and a ton of fun. And boy, that certanily couldn’t be more true.

Sega obviously had one hell of a time playing with all the DS’ features and doodads. Those being the dual screens, the touch screen, and the microphone. Feel the Magic runs in the same vein as Wario Ware: Mega Microgame$, but changes the idea just enough so that it’s not just a blatant wannabe. While Wario’s games were super-simple and lasted about 5 seconds at most, Sega has created much deeper games (sort of), which can take quite some time. Some, like Parachute are simple and change lenght depending on which level you’re on. Others, particularly the boss games, are very drawn out, have several stages, and can take at least a minute or two to complete.

Every bit of the DS’ functionality is pushed to the max in this game. Everything but the wireless linking gizmo. There is no multiplayer, but it’s not such a huge loss, as the single player game is more than entertaining enough to captivate you for a while and keep you coming back for more. The touch screen is the only thing you use to control the game, aside from the start button, which is used only for pausing. Some games require tapping, others need you to drag the stylus along a precise line, and others yet will have you use it to colour in various shapes while avoiding falling people. And then a few of them use the built-in microphone. One game, for example, forces you to yell at the thing to get a girl’s attention due to a marching band that separates the two of you. Another places you on a yacht, and you have to blow into the mic to fill the sail and float over the shark-infested waters.

It’s a great game, even though it is a bit short. the high difficulty level should offset that. Sadly, there is a rather imposing problem with the game. You see, a lot of games require a precise hand, and this makes it so that it’s not totally accessible to everyone. While anyone can master a simple controller, pushing a pen across a screen in an almost perfectly straight line in a short amount of time isn’t exactly an easy task. And then another game requires you to move the stylus back and forth in a rather violent fashion, for about a minute or so straight. It’s a terrible strain on the wrist, but at least it’s only in one game. Despite the couple unsavory games, it’s a great game with plenty of features. Stay tuned for a full review as part of this year’s Christmas extravaganza.


~ #3 ~
Pikmin 2

Good old Pikmin 2. I loved the original back in it’s day, and since the sequel had so much more to offer, I figured that I’d just give myself the green light and pick it up right away. Ryan: 1. Conservativeness: 0. It was so damn worth my moneys that I can’t explain it in words. Pikmin is such an addictive game that I still feel bad for mot buying the first one, even thoguht it’s at a nicely discounted price now. In any case, time for some reviewing!

The first thing you’ll notice when playing is that you control not only Olimar, but his partner Louie as well. This gives you some neat multitasking abilities, but would be much more efficient if you didn’t have to watch your Pikmin like infants. The babysitting factor really holds back the true potential of having two captains. If the currently uncontrolled captain would defend your horde automatically rather than sit and wait for you to do something. But in any case, there is a better addition: the two new Pikmin types! Though you can only get them by sacrificing some of your other Pikmin, they are very useful for solving many of the intricate puzzles that the brains of Nintendo have set forth. The White Pikmin have super speed and can detect buried treasures, as well as poison any foolish enemy who makes the mistake of eating one. The Purple Pikmin, though, are terribly slow, but can stun enemies when thrown, and are ten times as strong as your average Pikmin.

New to the game is an absence of a time limit. You can fool around for as long as you like and never have to worry about your days running out. The day timer is still there though, so you still have to make sure to round up all your Pikmin before sundown, lest they be stuck on the surface and be eaten by the night prowlers. As another way to extend your treasure hunt, Nintendo has added in a bunch of huge dungeons. There are four maps to explore, and each is home to somewhere between three to six dungeons. And these caves are just full of great goodies to collect. The items you pick up are also of minor interest, including things like bottlecaps, boot wax, fruit, and even a ROB (Robotic Operating Buddy. Old schoolers know the score) head and blocks. Plus, there’s this really freaky baby head that blinks as your Pikmin haul it back to the ship.

The enemies in Pikmin were pretty ferocious, but the new ones can strike fear into the hearts of even the most well-traveled gamers. There’s this one bug that fires off rocks, but not just normal rocks. Oh no. They’re homing rocks. And another, my sworn rival, is this fish-tank thing that is totally invulnerable from the front and shoots bombs that usually just scatter Pikmin, but will end up killing them when you really need them to survive. And on top of that, he’s usually perched on some godforsaken spire that only Yellows can get to the top of, and surrounded by other enemies, effectively creating an almost impassable war zone.

But clearly, the high point of the game is multiplayer. You can only go two-player in Challenge and Battle Mode, but it’s still great fun. Besides, you’ll usually need two people to get perfect on the challenges. I just wish I had a clone of me to play with, or at least have one of my brothers get good at the game so that I could have an effective partner. Currently, they just wind up killing more Pikmin than they save. Oh well.

 

~ #2 ~
Metroid Prime 2 : Echoes

You knew it would be here somewhere, right? Like I would let a game this great just slip through the cracks of my “best games” list. But it’s not at number one? Well, there’s a big surprise lurking down there, at least for those of you who didn’t scroll down and skip all the words, just so that you knew what games I chose. Anywho, Metroid Prime 2 = the shit. Prime was excellent, but it did have a few failings, particularly the stupid X-Ray and Thermal visors. I never liked those, as the power-ups they could locate were few and far between, and without a guide, you’d have to check every damn wall in the game to find the secret stuff. It was tedious and not fun. That’s why I never earned 100%. But Echoes, now there’s an almost perfect package.

First off, the story. Other than the newer ones, Metroid has always been light on story, heavy on gory, as a certain mutant turtle might say. But Echoes goes way beyond what even Prime put forth. Granted, Prime’s storyline was optional, as it was all in scanned objects, but it was still rather simple. Whereas in Echoes, there are tons of cutscenes, and even direct interaction between Samus and another character. While it’s not actually dialogue, as Samus is one of those silent heroine types, it’s still mostly unseen in the Metroid series. Tycho of Penny Arcade put it perfectly when he said “How Retro manages to make Samus Aran – a character who never talks, and who isn’t really seen until the end – so engaging and even human in that Chozo suit is a feat of digital puppetry. … Myself, I would like a much more elaborate story – revelations, twists, and genuine dialogue. I think it could really work. Back to Echoes, though – that’s a sign of a game that really got its hooks in,…. Highly reccomended.”

And I might as well get in the other one now too, as I’m getting quite tired of this wrtiting process and need some good filler that basically says what I would be saying. Again, from Tycho “Metroid Prime 2 has some of the most solid gaming moments this year. It’s the kind of game that makes you pine immediately for a sequel, wishing you could just… I don’t know, flip the disc over inside the machine and obviate the anticipation phase altogether.” It’s so very true. I want to keep playing, but they keep telling me the game is over. I went back, found all the secrets (as none were hidden in invisible caches), but still I yearn for more. And beat hard mode. And damn was it hard. A lot fo the bosses in this game are actually quite tough. There are even a couple that are fought entirely with the Morph Ball. Oh, and speaking of Morph Balls and such…

The new powerups in this game are awesome. Some, solely on their aesthetic merits, while others for the fact that they allow you to kill enemies by jumping into them. The new suits are pretty cool, particularly the Dark Suit. They wouldn’t be useful in any other game, as all they do is lighten or nullify the damaging effects of being present on Dark Aether, but at least the Dark Suit looks cool. Light Suit, on the other hand, I think looks like a piece of crap. I dunno. Just don’t like it. The Screw Attack is a lot of fun to play with after you’ve mastered using it, as you can just pop enemies with a single jump rather than shooting them over and over. Hmmm.. what else… Oh yes, the new beams. The Dark and Light beams are pretty much the same as the Ice and Plasma beams respectively. I would say that the only difference is that they effectively kill enemies of the opposite alignment, but that rings true for the other pair as well. The Annihilator beam is awesome though. It kills everything real good, and seeks like there’s no tomorrow. Dries up your ammo supply real fast, but it’s fun while you’ve got it. And finally, the new visors. The Dark visor is essentially a mix of the Thermal and X-Ray visors, only you can still see well with this one. And then the Echo Visor. It’s mainly used for solving puzzles. There isn’t really any good combat use for it. Only one enemy is sonar-based, and it’s near the early stages of the game.

Other things worthy of mention include Dark Samus, who will clearly be a major player in Metroid Prime 3. Aslo notable is the multiplayer mode, which isn’t great, but is rather fun. Until your idiot friends decide to just stay as Morph Balls all the time. Maybe it’s because I’m not a huge fan of the Morph Ball. I just prefer shooting to rolling. But I also prefer rolling to driving. Anywho, awesome game. Has to be to make number two.


~ #1 ~
Tales of Symphonia

I hope you’re shocked. Not only is my favorite game of this year not by Nintendo, but it’s also an RPG. An unconventional RPG, yes, but an RPG nonetheless. I love Tales of Symphonia and everything about it. There is no realy downside to the game. It’s fun, it’s engaging, it’s got multiplayer, and I’m gonna burn the (four disc!) soundtrack as soon as I buy some CD-Rs.

I already did a full review of this one in the blog a couple months back, so I don’t think I really need to explain everything again, but I will go over some of the highlights, just for the sake of you lazy fools who can’t remember. Number one, the battle system. Active battling in an RPG? Hooray, it can hold my attention! The fact that it very much resembles Smash Bros can’t hurt either. Plus, you can plug in more controllers so other people can play as your party members. Good call on that one Namco. I’m happy when other people can cast spells when they need be cast, and not just soak up all my TPs. But, if you’ve got noone else to play with, you can always just command them yourself, what with all the commanding options you’re given.

Also good: the game is really long. Almost too long. And there are like seven points during the game where you think it’s going to be over, but it never is. Until the end. And even if the two-disc adventure isn’t enough for you, there are plenty of sidequests, just like any good RPG. And just like any good RPG, most of them are only accessible near the end. But of course. It’s not like you could do the sidequest for the ultimate weapons right from the start. What fun would that be? (I mean, the game is a little too easy as it is.) And when you’re done, you can play through again on hard, with upgrades an such you can buy with GRADE points you earn during the course of the game. If that’s still not enough, give Maina mode a whirl. I tried it once, got my ass handed to me in the first battle, and gave up.

The story is so-so, starting pretty run-of-the-mill, and getting more interesting right at the end, rather than gradually throughout the whole game. Clearly, I love the music, as I was even considering legitimately importing the soundtrack, until I found the torrent file for it. As much as I’d like to have a real copy, it takes so long to get my cash to my PayPal account, and then the shipping makes it cost so much more, it’s just not worth it for a cheap, impatient guy like me. If I could find it at the local music store, I’d pick it up in a heartbeat, but it just don’t work that way with game soundtracks.

So yes, this is the best game of 2004. Don’t listen to what anyone else says. You can disregard most of the rest of the list if you like, but my number one is absolute.

I guess that’s really all there is to it then. I just wish I could have had more than ten spaces. There were a lot of good ones out there, and I didn’t even get to play a lot of them. Had I not picked up a couple last-second, the list may have been different. You don’t know how bad Boktai 2 deserves to be on there. And I bet you were pretty surprised that both MegaMan X: Command Mission and MegaMan Battle Network 4 were missing. To tell the truth, neither was really that great, and I already told you that I’d try to be as non-biased as I could. What about Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door and Donkey Konga? And what about any games not on a Nintendo system? To be fair, The Sims 2 is a PC game, and Viewtiful Joe 2 is also available on the PS2. See? I was good. At least I tried. Well, I guess we’ll just have to see what happens next year. So far, we’ve got Resident Evil 4 and two new Zelda games to look forward too, plus the new generation of consoles near the end there, so it’s going to be anything but boring.

The Dick Turtle Surprise Bag!

I’m sure that everyone has seen a surprise bag sometime in their life. They were a very common item in the candy section at dollar stores, and I’m sure that they’ve been other places during their lifespan as well. I know that lately the surprise bag population is starting to dwindle, as I’m seeing less and less of the things every time I visit a buck store. In fact, I haven’t seen any in town for the longest time, and the only place I’ve seen them in the last 5 or so years is at the Bargain Shop out in Lac du Bonnet. And even there they don’t restock the things.

So while we were out there this past weekend, I made it a point to go find one. Sadly, the Nintendo Surprises are totally extinct, and even the Nintendo gum packs are gone without a trace. So I had to settle with one of the lesser brands of surprise bags. I had two choices at hand, one was a pack of random “fun size” candy packs, but the bag displayed what would be in the pack, and that just totally kills the surprise. So, I went with my second, less sanitary-looking choice.

Holy crap, does that look like a poor-ass grab bag or what? Here are a few close-ups, just so you can further absorb the crap that is Dick Turtle’s Surprise Bag.


Firstly, what the hell kind of character is Dick Turtle? Aside from the obvious attempt to rip off the old Ninja Turtles (which raises further questions about how old this thing is), he doesn’t look a thing like a turtle. Who names a turtle Dick? And why would any Richard want his name to be shortened to Dick. You have Rich and Rick, two perfectly good nicknames. But Dick? Come on. Thta thing on his back doesn’t even look remotely like a shell, and instead looks more like air tanks or something of the sort.

And then we get to the bottom of the package, which has promises of cosmic candy, toys and novelty. For some reason, I think that I’m going to be disappointed with what’s inside. I mean with a package like the one above, how good could the contents possibly be? And what are the chances that they’ll be “cosmic”? Why does Dick Turtle have rockets for feet? Since when did turtles need or even want to go to space? At least that kind of supplies reasoning for saying that the stuff inside will be “cosmic”. Turtles are nature’s D student (according to Stewie, anyway), so there’s no way that NASA would accept them. He must be working for those greasy Russians.

The back side isn’t much better. It’s just got Dick Turtle in his usual pose and a list of ingredients. The biggest problem with it is that it’s supposed to contain various crap, and they’ve gone ahead and given a list of ingredients. I guess that most candy is pretty similar in composition, but I’m sure that not all of it is made with the exact same substances. Also on the back is a small note that says “Minimum: candy 20G – 1 toy”. Well that just fills me with hope for what’s going to be in here. I guess it’s time to take a gander inside.

Is this a warning not to take anything that’s inside this bag? I certainly don’t know Dick Turtle, or who put this compilation of what is probably going to be crap together, so I should probably just toss it all out right now. I wonder if Dick Turtle thinks that accepting advice from strangers is okay? But… Wait a minute! Something is wrong right here! It seems that
Dick Turtle may not be exactly who we once thought him to be!

A ha! I knew taking candy and toys from him would be a bad idea. Dick Turtle is actually a space pirate! That slick bastard thought he could sell his crap by taking off his shell and eyepatch and putting on a happy face, but now I’ve seen the real Dick Turtle, and I’m not going to fall for any more of his trickery! But seriously, who the hell made this? Their character has no continuity whatsoever except for that he remains the same species. And I never quite believed that he was really a turtle in the first place. Let’s just hope the rest of this bag o’ crap is as good for reviewing as the bag itself.

On the opposite side of Dick’s advice card is a small maze that I definitely don’t have the attention span to complete. In fact, I don’t have the attention span to write a whole paragraph about it.

The first thing that I grabbed from the bag after that card was this little piece of candy. As you can read on the wrapper, it’s a “Yolk um’s” candy. I have never heard of this candy before, and therefore am surprised. There you go, Dick Turtle. Your bag was a complete success. You surprised me. It says that it’s cream filled, and it doesn’t look like the type of thing that should be cream filled, so I’m not going to eat it. I’ve eaten many a cream filled object, and I’m sure that this one will be a let-down, since I’ve only ever seen its kind in a Dick Turtle surprise bag. Of course, it could be a really popular candy that I’ve never heard of, but I’m better off safe than sorry.

Next up is… a shitty piece of plastic shaped vaguely like vampire fangs. I don’t think any one could review this, so I’ll just take a picture instead.

It was a good movie. I know my representation is a little inaccurate, but I wanted to make the reference. Anyhow, the teeth had a strange taste to them, and I now have a strange rash on the inside of my top lip. I guess this is one of those times where you have to suffer for your art. I should probably have dusted off the hat first, too.

You see, there was an alien head ring and a small toy hockey player, and there was no way I could review them both separately, so I forced the ring on to hockey guy’s head. On the upside, the alien ring was certainly of a “cosmic” air, so the bag wasn’t totally wrong. On the downside, I was feeling the bag before I opened it up to try to tell what was inside, and that hockey guy felt a lot like one of those awesome mini-ninjas. I was so disappointed when I learned the truth.

And the last thing in the bag is… A coffin? Could this be an omen of things that will happen should I eat the rattling stuff inside? Hmmm. Now that I examine the coffin more closely, I can see that there is something written on the top. Just gotta take off the sticker and…

Oh God! It says Mr. Bones! It’s gonna be full of crappy pizza! Augh!

That’s all I’ve got. Sorry.

Inside the coffin was a bunch of candy pieces. And they were some kind of old-looking. They were supposed to be coloured all rainbow-like, but they were also covered in a thick, white dust. I assume it was simply sugar, but you can never bee to careful when dealing with possibly-decades-old candy. There was one really cool thing about them though.

The pieces were all shaped like bones and such, and could be pieced together to form skeletons. I didn’t have quite enough pieces, and they crumbled to dust at the touch, but I did arrange them as if they had been locked together into proper shapes. Well, as proper as you can get when putting small candy bones together. I wasn’t going to eat these things either, because they didn’t even bear the telltale smell of candy, and I wasn’t about to put any other foreign objects in my mouth after the fangs.

That’s all that came in the bag, and I can’t say I’m impressed. Surprised, but not impressed. The candy was old looking and probably poisoned, and the “toys” were boring and common. I still wish I hadn’t put those fangs in my mouth. I’m also pretty pissed at how they totally changed their mascot halfway through the bag. But I guess that it’s not exactly made for people like myself. It really is more of a children’s novelty. In the end though, it made some great review material. There really wasn’t a lot to review though, so I thought I’d add in a little bonus material.

It’s not much, but I was making a bunch of characters on my brother’s “Smackdown: Shut Your mouth” game this weekend. It’s not only a great way to while away the time, but it also satiates my need to create. I made a lot of them and decided that since I did pretty good jobs on the ones based on real characters, I wanted to show them off a little. So I took some screencaps and here they are. Make sure to click on the pics to see some more stuff.

You see? I’m good at making stuff. The only one I’m not totally happy with is Vivi, because I wasn’t sure exactly how he looks, so I kind of had to make it up as I went. Overall, though, I’m very happy with how well I think they all turned out. The article here was a little shorter than I’d hoped, but I didn’t have that much material to work with. I can’t just ramble on forever about five pieces of crap and a plastic bag like I can with a game. Oh well, no biggie.

In the end, I’m just really happy that I’ve made it to 1000 hits. I thought 500 was pretty damn big. And the fact that the site is almost two years old is just the icing on the cake. I never really figured that I’d care about the site longer than a couple of months (just look at Quest for the Cube), but I’ve made it a lot farther than most personal web sites do, and I’ve even had some people who don’t know me e-mail me with compliments. Hah, I guess this December, I’ll have to throw some kind of celebration event. But that’s something to think about another day.

Duck and cover

Sorry I haven’t been updating at all lately. In all honesty, I haven’t touched the computer since Sunday other than to see if my joystick would work on it. I’ve been totally absorbed in Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life and I’ve also started replaying Final Fantasy 8. So I’ll probably have the third Disney World thing done by Sunday. Of course, it often takes an extra day, so you should be expecting Monday. I’ll even start it now to soften the blow come the day I decide to finish and post it. Other than that, I really don’t have much else to say. And so ends another news post.

~Ryan out.

All night long

I’ve been playing Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles for about 3 days straight now. Well, not including school time of course. I imagine that statement itself tells you what I think about the game. Heck, I’d be playing it now, but my GameBoy is recharging and I’m too damned lazy to re-hook up the GameCube to my TV. If you saw my setup, you’d understand why. But anywho, I might be putting a little something up in a while, and the comic may be starting sometime in the near future. All I need to do is redraw a few more strips. Demand is getting high, and I just can’t disappoint the fans. Later in the month, I’ll be finishing the 6-pak review, and I’ll be getting another guest article pretty soon. I guess what I’m trying to say, in a roundabout way, is use the forums more. They’re pretty dead as it is, and there’s no reason for that to be.

~Ryan out.