Pokémon – Page 16

And God said “A small coffee and a chocolate dip, please”

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted, and there is much to tell. But I’ll get to all the other stuff later. Firstly and most importantly, I’ve finally got a job. The call came in this morning and now I’m the newest donut wench at Tim Horton’s. Yay for me. Now I’ll be able to afford my precious when it arrives later this year. That is assuming that I don’t screw up too badly at giving food and such to people. If I’m lucky, they said they might even place me on dish washing duty, a task at which I excel. So yes, I’m a little nervous about giving up most of my time to actually do something, but overall I’m overcome with much joy. And if absolutely nothing else, I’ve finally got something to go on the ol’ resume.

Second of all, I broke down and bought one of the new Pokémon games. It was mostly for the wireless adapter that came with, but you all know I enjoy my Pokémon, so I won’t bother making up any other excuses. The game itself is great, being a port of the first game (which was my favorite) with a whole bunch of new stuff crammed in. The bulk of new areas and quests come after the credits roll for the first time, but there are tons of new gizmos and such for you to toy around with before then. Most outstanding though, are the graphics and music. While they look a lot like the Ruby and Sapphire versions, these new games have a few little extra touches that make it just that much sweeter, like coloured text! And a pretty new font to go with it. The music remixes are great, and hopefully they’ll attract a little attention from the OverClocked Remix community. I’ve always wanted to hear the battle theme in metal, but there isn’t a single Pokémon remix on there…

Thirdly, SKY CAPTAIN! Flippin’ awesome movie. The kind a man like m’self, who doesn’t buy many movies, would buy. And not even because of all the special bonus crap they’re bound to pile on the DVD. Yes, it’s that good. Well, I thought so anyway. The plot goes a little here and there about halfway through, but I’ve never been too picky about a bad story, so it didn’t bother me at all. The only thing I didn’t like is that there weren’t enough of them big robots that steal the spotlight in the trailer. Nope. To be honest (tiny spoilers here), they really don’t play as much a part in the movie as the trailers might have you think. But again, great action flick, go see it.

And last but probably not least, I’ve opened a Geocities account which I plan to use as space to house all of my recent scanned stuff. It’s a little different that what I’m used to, so it might take me a while, but I intend to have the “second” gallery up tomorrow after work. If it’ll happen, I’m not sure, but keep your fingers crossed. Or not. Just do what you like. So I guess I’ll be seein’ yahs then.

2004’s Easter Egg-stravaganza!

It’s been Easter again. Last year I did that big Egg-stravaganza thing, but this year it’s just a little photo collection. But why have I gone all half-assed? For one, there wasn’t really enough to make a real article out of, and none is really as interesting as that mystery chocolate was. Secondly, it’s more or less that same thing as last year, but with more of the “random stuff” than things that stand out. Finally, I’m just too friggin’ lazy to even try to pump that many words out when it’s not meant to be done. And finally for real this time, I can’t put together a second good intro for an article about the same thing as another. Not that my intros are all that great, but damned if I’m gonna do it.
To make up for the relatively small amount of text, you’ll notice that I make the font a lot bigger. Now it looks like something Maddox wrote! Hooray. But I have to get this ball rolling, so without any further ado, we shall plunge right into the second and last of my Easter-themed articles!

First off we have the Peeps Bunnies. Now I wasn’t a huge Peeps fan before, as you may recall, but this is stupid. Go back to the birds. Sure it’s the same thing, but at least make the damn things white or some other bunny colour. Pink is not a colour that I like to be associated with. When I use Peach in Super Smash Bros Melee, I always switch to the white costume. When using Zelda, I’m always Sheik. I don’t like pink. Peeps were created yellow and should stay yellow. I refused to read a paper we got in math class because it was pink. Boo, Peeps, boo.

Next thing I took a picture of is the marshmallow bunnies. More pink here, but an acceptable level of such. As you can see, there are only four bunnies in the picture. There were more, but they were communists, so I was forced to eat them. I think that these bunnies are much better than the Peeps Bunnies. Peeps just aren’t that good. And don’t you try to tell me different, because you know that I’m right. Why Peeps have so many fans is way beyond my comprehension.

Another Reese egg came around this year. I’m not sure what last year’s Reese egg tasted like, but I’m pretty sure that this one was worse. It tastes pretty bad to tell the truth. Reese should stick to the tried-and-true cups and give up trying to break into the egg market. They’re failing pretty bad there.

A box of Smarties. Gee, there are really interesting. The only thing I can say about ’em is that they’re chocolate flavoured and Easter coloured. They’re Smarties for God’s sake. Shut up.

Aaaah, the Cadbury Creme Eggs. Possibly the greatest delicacy of the Easter time. And that’s the saddest part. I just don’t seem to like these guys as much as I used to. What’s happening to me? Why do I not like junk foods that I once would kill for? Oh well, three Creme Eggs are better than one, so down the hatch they go. Hm. Word is an idiot. It keeps correcting “Creme” to “Crème”. Stupid computers. Wow I’m angry today. Why that is, I don’t know, as nothing has happened to me lately to justify said anger. Oh well.

Mmmm Mini Eggs. Now these things I’ll never not like. That candy coating… and the delicious chocolatey center… Oh wan I wish I could be eating them again right now. But again, there really isn’t much I can say about these. Other than their deliciousness, they’re pretty boring. Even the package is kinda lackluster.

Chocolate eggs. If you want me to say any more about ’em, fark you.

And this is the fantastic centerpiece of my chocolate empire. Or it was before it got eaten. You can’t quite tell, but it’s shaped vaguely like Homer. I was quite happy to receive a giant character chocolate, but then I realized why I hadn’t gotten one for so many years; the chocolate is of rather low quality, regardless of what the packaging claims. So it was a bit of a disappointment, but it’s a good box for putting stuff in. It’s even got a cool viewing window.

In an odd, ironic twist, my parents gave me a toothbrush. It makes sense, what with all that chocolate is gonna kill my teeth. Anywho, it’s one of those fancy-ass “spin brushes”, and I have no friggin’ idea how to use the thing. I can’t help it, I was raised on the normal toothbrush. So I’m going to have to get used to this behemoth… or just take out the batteries.

Last time I checked, the holiday was Easter, not Christmas. I’m grateful and all, but I’m as surprised as you are that I got something so expensive for such a low-level holiday. I guess it kind of explains the smaller amount of candy though. In any case, it saves me $60, so I won’t complain. I know you’re all kinda spooked that I’d want a Pokémon game, but that would mean you don’t know me too well. I like the Pokémon games. Or at least Blue anyway. This is the first Pokémon game I’ve been able to truly enjoy since the Yellow version came out.

And it’s a lot different from other Pokémon games too. It’s a lot more evil than all the other games, and that almost makes it okay for someone my age to be playing. I just look at this guy here. He is a total badass. Not only is he buffed up, but he’s got a necklace of Poké Balls. I bet he stole ’em all, killed the creatures inside, ate them, and painted his face and dyed his hair with their blood. Nope, no characters in the other games would even think of pulling shit like that. Plus there are no random battles, so I love it. Random battles are the bane of my existence.
And that’s that. It’s over 1000 words, so it’s long enough to qualify as a proper mini-review, so you can’t complain about nuttin’. This Easter was kinda boring, and rather expensive, but it turned out pretty well. I played Pokémon Colosseum for 5 hours straight yesterday. There really isn’t any appropriate way to end this one. So I’ll just end it here. Happy belated Easter, heathen bastards.

The Good Stuff:
Tons of chocolate I got a non-bargain bin console game? Holy shit! Everyone loves Cadbury

The Bad Stuff:
Chocolate gets annoying after you eat so much Peeps bunnies are less fun to eat than the original Peeps Am I rating a holiday? Materialism on a new level…

Hylian Idol!

Welcome back! Within the past few years, so-called “reality” TV has made a huge boom on the small screen. A lot of people will say that’s great, because they love the stuff, my mom included. A distinctly smaller group will not care either way, because they don’t care what they watch, or they don’t watch TV at all. My group though, will tell you that it’s horrible. A good amount of people do hate this crappy TV. Why do I hate it? Well, mostly because 1)A lot of the ideas are horse crap (i.e. Big Brother) and 2) Because they take up valuable air time when we could be watching cartoons or sitcoms instead. See my point?

As you may or may not be aware, “American Idol” has been on top of the proverbial heap for quite some time now. Like the rest, I really don’t like it all that much. If it were something more along the lines of “Rock Idol” or “Metal Idol” I might be a bit more interested in it. But as it is, all they do is promote crappy music and churn out pop stars (which, ironically enough, is another crappy musical reality show). Mmmm… pop stars – s + t = Pop Tarts! I like Pop Tarts. But not those commercials. I hate that stupid fricking BEEEEEOOM guy!! I want to kill him!! AAAAAAAHH!! Now look! I’ve gotten into a fit of rage! Better go to the next paragraph!

Just recently, they held a “Canadian Idol” competition here. I was going to try out, but then I remembered that I can’t sing worth a damn. So I did the next best thing and made a little parody of American Idol. It was getting pretty tough to find a crew, set and competitors, so I just took the easy way out and used toys. Building the set was a lot harder than I thought it to be, and getting most of the characters to stand up was seemingly impossible. In the end, I needed to take a total of 37 pics, which added up to just under 500KB. By my count, that is taking up about 2.5% of the space I have for my site, which is a lot more than I’ve allotted to other articles. Of course, my math skills are nothing to rely on, so I might be wrong. Enough about that though, the show must go on!

RyanMan= Hello everyone! Welcome to Hylian Idol, the first reality ummm…. thinger! I’m your host RyanMan, and these are our wonderful judges! Our fist judge is Link from the Legend of Zelda series of video games! Say hello to the kind people in internet world, Link!

Link= Hey thea homeez! I’m tha shiznat y’all!

RyanMan= Why the hell are you talking like that?

Link= Aren’t I supposed to be the equivalent of Randy Jackson from American Idol?

RyanMan= No. Our next judge in none other than Link’s rival, Ganondorf!! Say hi to everyone Ganondorf!

Ganondorf= You suck. You’re terrible. You have no talent. Muhahahahaha!

RyanMan= What the Hell are you talking about, Ganondorf?

Ganondorf= I thought I was playing Simon Cowell.

RyanMan= No, you’re just supposed to be yourself, Ganondorf.

Ganondorf= Very well. And from here on in I will be referred to as Ganon.

RyanMan= Right-o. And finally, our last judge, it’s her highness Princess Zelda!

RyanMan= Ummm… where’s the princess?

Link= I’m looking at you, Ganon.

Ganondorf= I didn’t do it! Not this time anyway…

RyanMan= Well, I guess we’re just lucky that we have a guest judge here. I’d like to introduce to you Mr. Bob McKenzie!

Bob= How’s it goin’ eh?

RyanMan= Pretty good, actually.

Bob= That’s great, eh. Now let’s get on with the show, ya hoser.

RyanMan= Sure thing.

Leia= Sorry I’m late, guys.

RyanMan= Why are you here, Leia?

Leia= Oh, ummm… Zelda couldn’t make it today. It’s time for her royal nap.

RyanMan= Riiiight. Well, I guess we’ll just go on anyway. Can’t disappoint the readers.

Ganondorf= Oh, I’ll give them a good disappointing!

RyanMan= Quiet, you. Now, our first contestant, Ash from Pokemon!

Ash= Hey everyone!

(loud booing)

Ash= Shut up!

RyanMan= So Ash, what are you going to do for us today?

Ash= Well, I thought I’d start by throwing a few Pokeballs…

RyanMan= That doesn’t seem so great

Ash= Shut up!

RyanMan= Whatever, just get to your act.

Ash= OK! Here I go!!!…. Wait! I can’t move my arms! Or my legs! AAAAHH! I’ve got no articulation whatever! Nooooooooooo!

RyanMan= While our crew pulls his body off the stage, we’ll see what the judges think of that performance.

Link= What performance? He just fell down! Well, at least he did a pretty good job of that…

Ganondorf= That was terrible! I’ve seem more talented Armos statues!

Leia= He’s a cutie! Maybe I’ll get his number after the show…

RyanMan= Well, a diverse reaction. What do you think, Bob?

Bob= I got some beer, eh?

RyanMan= Well, I guess that means that Ash won’t be today’s Hylian Idol.

Link= No sir.

RyanMan= So we’ll get our next contestant out here, DinoBot!

DinoBot= Rrrraaarr! Hey everyone! I’m the best!

RyanMan= Sure you are. Now, I hope you can do a little bit more than that Ash fellow

DinoBot= Of course I can! I am DinoBot!

RyanMan= Then what will you be doing for us today?

DinoBot= I’ll be doing my Grimlock impression!

RyanMan= Seems appropriate. Whenever you’re ready

DinoBot= Raaarr! Me Grimlock! Me wanna hear Kup’s war stories!…. That’s it.

RyanMan= …OK. What do you think, judges?

Leia= It was a decent effort, but nobody could EVER do a good Grimlock.

DinoBot= You sayin’ I’m no good?

Leia= Not exactly…

DinoBot= RAAAAARRR!! I’ll have your head! DinoBot transform!

RyanMan= Security! Well folks, it looks like we’re going to take a little break. But don’t fret, we’ll be right back with more Hylian Idol!

(Go get a snack or something. Pretend it’s a commercial break.)

RyanMan= OK, we’re back with Hylian Idol. After our last competitor went nuts, I’ve told our judges to try to be a little less harsh on the competitors who seem to be not quite mentally stable. Let’s see how this works out… Now, our next competitor is Spongebob Squarepants.

SpongeBob= Hi there!

RyanMan= Hey Spongebob, you’ve got a TV show already, so I’m guessing that you have some kind of talent?

SpongeBob= I’m ready! I’m ready! I’m ready! I’m ready! I’m ready! I’m ready! I’m ready! I’m ready! I’m ready! I’m ready! I’m ready! I’m ready! I’m ready! I’m ready! I’m ready! I’m ready! I’m ready! I’m ready!

RyanMan= OK, enough of that. Let’s go Sponge-boy.

SpongeBob= Watch this, I’m gonna make my face disappear!

RyanMan= Errrr… I’ll let the judges decide what to think of this.

Ganondorf= You fool! You just turned around! Go back to you day job!

SpongeBob= You don’t like me?

Leia= Well it was a pretty crappy trick

Link= Boooo!

SpongeBob= *Runs away crying*

RyanMan= What did you think, Bob?

Bob= I’m tryin’ to eat a donut here, eh?

RyanMan= Sure you are. Now, our next contestant is… Leonardo!

Leo= Hello.

RyanMan= So Leo, it seems you’ve had a bit of a career change

Leo= Actually I work as a volunteer firefighter. I just got back from a call and didn’t have time to change.

RyanMan= If you say so. What will you be attempting to do for us?

Leo= Well, I seem to have developed a strange ability to transform. That’s pretty much what I’ll be doing for you.

RyanMan= That’s it?

Leo= Yeah, but considering the competition so far, I think I have a pretty good shot at winning.

RyanMan= That is true. Well, go ahead then

Leo= Okay! Here I go!

Leo= Uh-oh

RyanMan= “Uh-oh” what?

Leo= I seem to have forgotten how to do this.

RyanMan= Well, mark up another failure

Leo= Master Splinter’s not gonna like this

RyanMan= Them’s the brakes. What do our judges think?

Link= You moron! I could transform better than you and I don’t know how!

Bob= Get off my table, eh.

Leia= Well, sadly enough, he was the best so far

Ganondorf= Oh God… One more idiot and I’m gonna go DinoBot.

RyanMan= Hey! We made a vow to never mention him again!

Ganondorf= Oops. I’ll try to avoid it from now on.

RyanMan= Good stuff. Now that Leo’s been carried offstage by the camera guy, we can get the next contestant up here. Everyone give a warm welcome to Safety Stan!

Stan= Hey everyone! I’m glad to be here!

RyanMan= So why do they call you “Safety” Stan?

Stan= Well, I’m extremely afraid of pain. See the helmet?

RyanMan= Afraid of pain, eh? You’d better do something bordering on acceptable then.

Stan= Why?

RyanMan= You’ll see. So speaking of which, what are you gonna do for us?

Stan= I’m gonna do a juggling act. I’m pretty pro, I do kids’ birthdays and all that shat. Now does anyone have something I can juggle?

RyanMan= You came to do a juggling act and have nothing to juggle with?

Ganondorf= *menacing growl*

Stan= Errrr… Of course not! I was just kidding! I’m actually going to sing.

RyanMan= Oh. That’s good. Finally it’s a real parody of American Idol. So what are you going to sing?

Stan= What am I going to sing? Uhhh… uhh… lemme see…

Ganondorf= *reprise of menacing growl*

Stan= The opening theme of the MegaMan cartoon!

RyanMan= Oh no…

Stan= Cue the music!

Stan= *horribly off key* Super fighting robot! MegaMan! Super fighting robot! MegaMan! Super fighting robot! MegaMan! Super fighting robot! MegaMan!

Ganondorf= THAT’S IT!!! TIME FOR SOME BLOODSHED!!

Stan= Waaaaaaaahhh!!!! No, please!

RyanMan= I knew this was going to happen sooner or later…

Stan= OOOWWWW!!! NOT MY ARMS!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!

Ganondorf= Die pathetic scum!!!

RyanMan= I’m not even gonna get the other judges’ opinions.

Link= I kinda liked it.

Ganondorf= You want some too, little man?

Link= Hey! I’ve killed you on several occasions.

Ganondorf= Right, sorry…

RyanMan= Quiet, kids. It’s time for the next competitor. And now we have Turok: Dinosaur Hunter.

Ganondorf= Maybe he’ll kill DinoBot

RyanMan= *stern voice* Ganon

Ganondorf= Oops. Right. Not supposed to talk abou-

RyanMan= So here’s Turok!

Turok= Haha! I love me!

RyanMan= This is only gonna go downhill, isn’t it?

Turok= Aren’t I beautiful?

RyanMan= Sure. Now what do you plan on doing to try to impress our judges?

Turok= Well, I’m gonna fight Earthworm Jim here to the death.

Jim= Where am I?

RyanMan= Turok, you are aware that you could get hurt, right?

Turok= Bah. My vest of sticks and a green circle will protect me!

RyanMan= OK, whatever. Just get it over with

Turok= Right! Arm yourself, worm!

Jim= What the Hell!?!? Stop pointing that thing at me!

Turok= If you do not wish to fight, I shall pummel you mercilessly!!

Jim= What?

*fight ensues*

Jim= Okay, hunter-boy! Time to feel the wrath of my power suit!

Turok= Ah, so you finally decide to fight back! En guard!

Jim= En guard this!

*more fighting ensues*

Jim= How do you like that, you narcissistic freak?

Turok= My vest… it did…. nothing….

RyanMan= So I guess Jim wins then. What do the judges think?

Link= Well, Turok lost, so he sucks. But Jim wasn’t a contestant, so he can’t win.

Ganondorf= I could beat both of them at the same time.

Link= No you couldn’t.

Ganondorf= We’ll see about that later…

Leia= Zzzzzzzzzzzz…..zzzzzzzz….

RyanMan= HEY! Leia, wake up!

Leia= Wha!? Oh, uh… that was great.

RyanMan= Do you even know what happened?

Leia= Does it matter?

RyanMan= Check mate.

Bob= I brought some more beer, eh.

Leia= Gimme somma the good stuff

RyanMan= After we’re done you can drink to you heart’s content, but not until then

Leia= But he gets t-

RyanMan= That’s because it’s a character trait

Leia= *mumbles angrily*

RyanMan= Wait… that appears to have been our last act. I guess our judges will have to agree on which crap was the best crap.

Anakin= Hey! I want to do something! I’m a teen, gimme a beer!

RyanMan= No! We already told you that you are too young to compete! How did you get in here

Anakin= I’m not too young! I wanna get drunk! It’s soooo cool to get drunk!

RyanMan= Somebody gt this kid outta here

Link= Gladly

Link= Raaaah! Be afraid! I’ll chop you to little Jedi-bits!

Anakin= Waaaahhh!! Pointy! I’m outta here!

Link= I showed him

Leia= Oh yeah, great job. You scared a little kid

Ganondorf= Ha ha

Link= Shut up!

RyanMan= So can you guys decide who was the best?

Link= Me!

Leia= Fine. As long as it gets me closer to that beer

Ganondorf= Whatever. I just want outta here

Bob= Eh?

RyanMan= Then the vote is unanimous! Link is the Hylian Idol!

Link= So no change from the norm then

RyanMan= Alright, now just say goodbye to the camera and we can get the Hell out of here.

Link= Bye, camera!

Ganondorf= Just go away

Leia= BEER

RyanMan= Well, that’s the end of our show! Goodnight, folks!

Link= Hey… Gimme some sugar baby

Leia= ! Are you grabbing my boob?

Link= Oh come on, Zelda never puts out and I need my-

Leia= Here’s all you’ll get from me!

Link= Ah! If I’d known you were freakishly strong I’d have asked first!

Leia= Take this, pervert!

Link= *gets thrown across the room*

RyanMan= Oh. My. God. I’m getting out of here before it gets any worse.

And that’s the end of that. It was quite the adventure getting this done, but definitely more fun than a review article. I’d have to say that this and the Easter article have been my favorites so far. What you readers will think may vary, but I guess that differing opinions helps keep things fresh. So in conclusion, I must say that no matter whether you love or hate American Idol, I think that everyone can agree that Ganondorf would be an excellent judge.

I’m not sure about it yet, but I think I’m gonna make a mailing list for everyone who wants to know when I write a new article. So if you want in on this, just drop me an E-mail and I’ll add you to the list. Of course, if you want you could just check the site every couple days. To each his own. I really just need an excuse to do something with my account than let it collect spam.