In defense of a black sheep

I was not shocked, but somewhat upset when I replayed Mega Man X5 only to learn that I actually kind of hate it. It was a game that lived in a troubled, but still beloved place in my memory. Mega Man X6, on the other had, was known to me only as a dumpster fire that I’d rather not even ever think about if I didn’t absolutely have to.

Imagine my surprise then, when I gave X6 its turn and somehow I actually mostly enjoyed it. Don’t get me wrong! It’s still an uneven mess, but I think it might be better than X5. It’s certainly a lot more fun, and that’s really the main goal with these things, right?

Here are the major issues I’ve encountered:

  • Blaze Heatnix’s stage is an incredibly frustrating series of mini-boss encounters; all of them are the same boss with way too much health, but in different room layouts to force you to fight each one differently. This is stupid and by a wide margin the worst stage in the game. …Though they can be easily beaten if you’re clever (Hint: charged Metal Anchor).
This enemy is the six worst things about Mega Man X6
  • There’s a boss called High Max, who is completely invincible to your X-buster and Z-saber. To defeat him, you have to stun him with a buster shot and then hit him with a special weapon. He’s not terribly difficult once you know what to do, but he takes so little damage that the battle will last several minutes no matter how good you are. As opposed to most bosses, who a skilled player can easily down in under 30 seconds (the exception being Infinity Mijinion, who is hella annoying).
  • Also there are bits and pieces of stages all over that are either massively unfair or literally impossible for an unarmored X to get through. These are pretty bad, but they’re few and far between, at least.
  • Most of the “nightmare effects” that start happening when you beat each boss are mildly annoying at worst. “Nightmare Dark” severely hinders your vision in certain stages by blocking out a massive chunk of the screen and it truly does make life a nightmare.

The last thing, and the one that drove me completely bonkers in my youth, is that in every stage there are 16 friendly reploids for you to find and rescue. Sometimes they give you cool trinkets. But there are also these squiddy robots that, if they touch a friendly, will infect them with a zombie virus. Then your buddy is dead forever and if he had a powerup, it’s lost to the ether, and you have to reload your game if you want another shot at saving him. The thing is… except for Blaze Heatnix and Metal Shark Player, the stages are pretty easy to run through quickly, so reloading isn’t a big time sink. It’s generally easy to blast the squiddies before they zombify your pals, too. There’s like one that’s legit challenging to get to in time. Also there’s the fact that in my old age, I just can’t be bothered to have that obsessive completionism of my teen years, so if I lose a guy… meeeeeh. (But I did rescue them all because it wasn’t actually that hard.)

What makes X6 better than X5 to me is that it’s no longer completely bogged down in its own excess. Stage design is generally more cohesive and interesting. Alia is still there to give you hints, but now most of her hints are activated by a button, so you can choose to completely ignore her. Which is awesome! There’s no stupid time limit or randomly chosen story path that may or may not remove a playable character, and the cutscenes are all skippable! Your hunter rank is now based on how many “nightmare souls” you collect, and not your gameplay performance, which takes all the pressure off. Lastly, and coolest of all, is that if you do have the patience to find and defeat High Max, you can skip straight to the fortress levels! It’s totally impractical, because the fortress in this game is a beast even with all the power-ups, but such a cool little secret!

So yeah! Generally speaking, I have had much more fun with Mega Man X6 than I ever thought possible. A few minor headaches here and there because it’s still home to a few cheap traps and questionable design decisions, but they’re nowhere near as bad as the exercise in overwhelming tedium that was Mega Man X5. Needless to say, I’m happy that I gave this one another chance.

Nintendo Direct – 9/13/2018

Another Nintendo Direct happened yesterday. That’s what, like four in just over a month now? Looks like they don’t intend to ever let the Switch hype train slow down. In any case, this one was slightly over half an hour long, and had like a bajillion games highlighted. I’m gonna have to be very concise if I’m going to keep this under 3000 words…

Luigi’s Mansion 3 – Right on! I’m definitely down for this! At least, depending on when it releases.Too many games, and all that. Also, I still need to play Dark Moon, which could very well never happen.

3DS Games – Kirby’s Extra Epic Yarn, Bowser’s Inside Story, and Luigi’s Mansion. All ports of games I very much liked, but not so much that I need to buy them again on a dying platform. Also there was a Yo-kai Watch thing and I just cannot be bothered to care.

Splatoon 2 v.4 – Another free update that ostensibly adds a bunch of new weapons and clothes. Maybe even a stage or two? This one also seems to come with new sub-weapons and supers, which is really cool and not something that usually happens with the free updates? They didn’t go into great detail on what’s going to be included.

Mega Man 11 – I have already played the demo far more than necessary, and I am so excited for this game to come out next month. It feels so good, like Mega Man game should. I’m a little disappointed at how bland the amiibo feature is (daily free items), but not at all surprised.

Mario Tennis Aces – There’s a free update with new characters. Also a new co-op challenge mode where you can win new skins and whatnot. I’d like to care, but I’ll never play this game.

Capcom Beat ‘Em Up Bundle – This is cool! Seven classic beat ’em ups on one package, some of which were previously arcade exclusive. Not something I personally would buy, but I like that Capcom is reviving some of their B/C-tier stuff.

New Super Mario Bros U Deluxe – I still want to play Super Luigi U at some point, but I’d rather spend the $25 on Wii U than another $80 on this port bundle. Adding Nabbit and Toadette as playable characters is neat, but not nearly enough.

Katamari Damacy REROLL – I am tentatively excited about this. I need to know whether or not it’s just a port of the first game, and that’s not overly clear from this trailer. And if it is just a port/remaster, what kind of price are we looking at?

Nintendo Switch Online – Paid online service, $25 a month, free NES games and cloud saves. Nothing new here, but it was a cute video. A really cute video.

Pokémon Let’s Go – No new information here. Obviously I am super excited for this.

Diablo III – I’ve never played Diablo III, and likely won’t ever play Diablo III. Although it does look strikingly similar to the kind of game that I would really enjoy.

Super Mario Party – Ugh, it’s Mario Party, I have absolutely no inter… wait, single player modes!?

Town – A cute new RPG from Game Freak. Apparently the entire game takes place in one town. So that’s different. It looks really cool though, something I’ll keep an eye on. Also, spoilers: this is my most hype new announcement of the Direct.

Cities Skylines – I gave up on SimCity decades ago.

Daemon X Machina – I was already on board because it’s an action game about flying around in mech suits. Now they’re telling me I can swipe weapons and parts from downed mecha and use them for myself? Guys, thank you for building a game specifically for me!

Yoshi’s Crafted World – Totes adorbs, I like the world-altering gimmicks. Let’s be honest, it’s a Yoshi game, so I’ll be buying it regardless.

Board games on Switch – I don’t see myself buying any board games on Switch, but it’s really cool that there’s going to be a digital version of Pandemic out.

Civilization VI – Considering how addictive people say this game is, I think it’s best that I just keep myself out of this one’s way.

Starlink: Battle for Atlas – This looks like an actually good Star Fox game. Plus the Switch version allows you to play as all the Star Fox guys! I’m all-in on this one!

The World Ends With You: Final Mix – Sorry, don’t care.

Xenoblade 2 DLC – Aww, people who bought the season pass get it a week early? Well, I don’t have time for this right now, anyway. And I also want to buy the physical version.

Warframe – Meh.

Just Dance 2019 – Meh.

FIFA ’19 – Meh.

Team Sonic Racing – Meh.

NBA 2K19 – Meh.

NBA 2K Playgrounds 2 – I bought the first one, but I no longer have time for sports games.

LEGO DC Super Villains – Meh.

Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles Remastered – Now with online play? Oh yes, that is a thing that I want! But I don’t know if I’d actually buy it again…

Final Fantasy XV Potato Edition – Full disclosure: I bought this immediately after the Direct was over. I really liked FFXV, and I think I’ll like it even more without all the bloat.

Chocobo’s Mystery Dungeon: Every Buddy – The indie obsession has killed my appreciation for roguelikes. Sorry, Chocobo. It’s just not happening.

Final Fantasy XII: The Zodiac Age – This is my reward for not buying it on PS4. Now I can play FFXII everywhere! *maniacal laughter*

Final Fantasy VII HD – WHAT

Final Fantasy IX HD – Wait, you missed one…

Final Fantasy X & X-2 HD Remaster – No, I’m serious. Where’s FFVIII? That’s the one I want. (Realtalk: all these Final Fantasies on Switch is awesome. I wish I had a reason to buy them, but I own most of them two or three times already. Except XII; I’m totes buying XII.)

Super Smash Bros Ultimate – There’s a Switc bundle with a fancy dock and joy-cons… Oh! And also Isabelle is now a fighter! I don’t do the whole “waifu” thing, but if I did, Isabelle would totally be my waifu. Yes, I know she’s a dog. We’ll make it work. But, I don’t think I can play Smash now, because I couldn’t bear to hurt Isabelle 🙁

Animal Crossing Switch – Oh, hey. This is a thing now. Coming next year. I… don’t care.

Monthend Video Game Wrap-Up: August 2018

You know, I think I’m really starting to get the hang of this “just stop playing games that you aren’t having fun with” thing. It’s an amazing time-saver! At least, unless the game in question is a Mega Man X game…

~ Game Over ~

Mega Man X4 (Switch) – While I do think it holds up fairly well on a high level, it really makes me long for the gorgeous pixel graphics of the SNES games. What can I say? I’m old.

Super Dungeon Bros (PS4) – At first I thought “This is kinda like Gauntlet! Sweet!” But it’s not the kind of game that’s properly balanced for single-player, so I gave up and deleted it.

Mega Man X Legacy Collection (Switch) – X Challenge is indeed a challenge, as I needed to keep the difficulty firmly on Easy to make my way to the end. (Spoiler: It’s crazy broken.)

Mega Man X4 (Switch) – The previous one was an X playthrough, this one was a Zero run.

Mega Man X3 (Switch) – Another run to gather up some stray “hunter medals” (achievements). Also this time I got the gold armor and Z-Saber, so Kaiser Sigma wasn’t impossibly hard.

Mega Man X5 (Switch) – Despite having pretty good memories of if, I kind of can’t stand Mega Man X5. Imagine that!

Batman: The Telltale Series (PS4) – While I really liked it, I couldn’t help but feel like I would have enjoyed it more as a straight-up animated mini-series instead of a “game.”

Mega Man X5 (Switch) – I played it again to go through Zero’s story. Why? Masochism.

Mega Man X6 (Switch) – This is generally considered to be an absolute trash fire of a game, but after this playthrough, I’ve come think it’s actually quite a bit better than tedious ol’ X5.

Legend of Kay Anniversary (PS4) – I got this in a bundle last year, and it seemed like it would be a nice, breezy adventure. It is those things! But it is also hella boring, so I deleted it.

Mega Man X5 (Switch) – I needed to see all three endings to earn a hunter medal…

Continue reading Monthend Video Game Wrap-Up: August 2018

Mega Man X5: The Tragedy of Dynamo

I’ve recently made big, long, rambling posts about the first four games in the Mega Man X series, and continuing my vision quest through the series, I’m now done with Mega Man X5. Some might say that this was the last good one. Sadly, I can’t agree, as Mega Man X5 is actually the first outright bad one.

While the games in most Mega Man series get better for the first few sequels and then start dropping off, I’ve noted many times before that the Mega Man X games degrade with each subsequent title. The edges get a little rougher, new features that don’t work right get stapled on, and the purity of the action platformer vanishes into an over-ambitious mess. Mega Man X5 is where it all begins to come to a head, and it’s especially tragic, because this was supposed to be the series’ grand finale.

This is somewhat appropriate, as X5 in and of itself is a tragic story; a tale of two bestest-buddy robots desperately fighting against the odds to survive. Throughout the previous four games, the groundwork had been laid for the final climactic showdown between X and Zero, forced to fight each other because no matter how hard they try, they simply cannot escape their destinies. And then that big fight is massively underwhelming and you’re left thinking “that was it?” and you have to fight all the Mavericks again and a few forms of Sigma, like always. Oh well!

But besides the lack of payoff for the decade that built up to it, there are so many other problems with Mega Man X5. The first, and most egregious, is that the game has the absolute worst pacing. Remember how revolutionary Mega Man X felt when compared to the original series, simply because it was made faster and more action-focused? Yeah, that’s been lost to time. X5 is dreadfully slow on all fronts. Cutscenes are long and can’t be skipped. You’ve got Alia giving you “advice” several times each stage (and can’t be skipped). Tidal Whale’s stage is the slowest and most tedious autoscroller to ever exist, and you have to play it at least three times to collect all the power-ups. All the bosses in the fortress stages have a life bar nearly as tall as the screen. It’s madness, I tell you!

And even after all that, the game isn’t all that much fun. Good level design is lacking in most cases, with most obstacles meant to stop you in your tracks, which just hurts the pacing even more. Cheap kills are scattered about, from blind jumps onto spikes to surprise enemies that will absolutely knock you into a hole because there’s no way to know they were coming. The game is fairly generous with its checkpoints, but that’s no excuse for the number of “gotcha” deaths to be more than zero. The game can also be a bit buggy, with questionable hit detection, and one case where I just spontaneously exploded for no discernible reason.

There’s so much more to complain about, but I feel like these are the new issues for me; things that hadn’t impacted me quite as much when I played this game as a teenager. They’re the problems that I can’t deal with in my old age. There’s also the fact that X5 has a bunch of tacked-on systems that I’ve been trying to read up on but still don’t fully understand, which is never a good sign. Again, it’s a tragedy, as X5 was supposed to be a massive celebration of the whole series that wrapped it all up. There are so many loving references to all things Mega Man, but there’s just too much cruft there, which bogs it down and keeps it from being the epic finale that should have been.

Through the Good Half

As you may expect, I have been playing the Mega Man X Legacy Collection somewhat obsessively lately. To that end, I have beaten X2 through X4 and also the bonus X Challenge mode. And I have some things to say about these games!

Let’s start off by noting the less obvious: I almost never replay these games. It’s always the original Mega Man X that I go back to, so I’m not nearly as familiar with the rest of the series. As such, I had to do a lot more goofing around in them, looking for hidden secrets and trying desperately to remember which weapon works on which boss. Sometimes it worked in a game’s favour, sometimes not so much. How did it all roll out? Let’s take a look!

Continue reading Through the Good Half

Monthend Video Game Wrap-Up: July 2018

~ Game Over ~

The Awesome Adventures of Captain Spirit (PS4) – A free “prologue” for Life is Strange 2. I’m still not entirely clear on whether this will have anything to do with the full game or not.

Mega Man 7 (Switch) – I’m usually pretty hard on MM7, but playing it right after MM8 made me realize that it’s actually not all that bad! Except for Slash Man. He can go suck an egg.

Bloodstained: Curse of the Moon (Switch) – Nightmare mode run for true(?) ending.

Bloodstained: Curse of the Moon (Switch) – Another replay, Zangetsu-only this time.

Mega Man 2 (Switch) – Wait, Mega Man’s feet are slippery in this one, too? Why do I not remember this? Maybe that’s why I don’t think it’s quite as perfect as MM3.

Mega Man 3 (Switch) – Speaking of which, I did that too.

I Am Setsuna. (Switch) – I’m glad I played it, but something about it felt hollow. Maybe because the team very clearly wanted to make a Chrono Trigger sequel but weren’t allowed the license.

Fran Bow (PC) – The first two chapters of the game are very interesting and spooky, and then it kind of veers off in a completely different fantasy-styled direction before circling back to spooky.

Tales of Berseria (PS4) – It took about 30 hours before the plot finally got interesting and the characters started growing on me. But this may have been Stockholm Syndrome setting in.

Heavy Rain (PS4) – I prefer to try to find the positives in every game I play, but this one… While the high-level story was interesting, pretty much everything else about it was plain ol’ bad.

Mega Man X (Switch) – Yes, I have two portable versions of Mega Man X already, but I never take my 3DS or PSP out with me anymore. Plus, this one comes with all the sequels!

Rockman X (Switch) – The X Legacy Collection allows you to play the Japanese versions of all included games, so… I did that. As it turns out, not much was changed for the localization!

Mega Man X2 (Switch) – Maybe it’s because I play it much less frequently, but X2 is significantly tougher than the original. A little trolly too, in regards to the placement of several power-ups.

Mega Man X3 (Switch) – And then you get to this one, which is ridiculously tough, and even moreso if you’re trying a buster-only run. But at least it gives you a bunch of cool new abilities.

~ Now Playing ~

MGSV: The Phantom Pain (PC) – I bless the rains down in Africa, gonna cover up all of the sounds from my footsteps, ooh-ooh.

Pokémon Quest (Switch) – I’d like to complain about the completely erratic difficulty spikes, but that’s freemium for you! And I’m certainly not paying a cent into this one.

Slain: Back From Hell (Switch) – It’s kind of like if Doom and Castlevania had baby, and then that baby got really into heavy metal. Which is to say I love this game.

Octopath Traveler (Switch) – It’s a little bit too talky, but the battle system is excellent and a ton of fun. Feels a little bit like a more hands-on FFXIII, in a way. (NB: I’m a big fan of FFXIII.)

Soul Blazer (SNES) – I really adore Illusion of Gaia, but had never played its prequel, so I hacked my tiny SNES to do so. It’s quite good! I just need to make some more time for it.

Mega Man X Legacy Collection (Switch) – I’ve been listing the individual games here as I play them, but the new X Challenge mode can’t fit in that way. Short review: it is BONKERS.

Wherein I type words about Mega Man X again

If there’s only one absolutely consistent thing in my life, it’s my love for Mega Man X. And it’s not just because I’m a card-carrying fanboy of (mostly) all things Mega Man, but because I firmly believe that it is one of the best video games ever made. It is probably about as close to flawless as any game will ever come, and even after playing it seventeen million times, I still get a kick out of it on each and every replay.

With the recent release of the Mega Man X Legacy Collections, I have now purchased this game somewhere between six and eight times, which gives it the top billing for games that I have purchased more than once. I fully admit that I have a problem. I bought the original cartridge on SNES, the Mega Man X Collection on Gamecube, the stellar remake Maverick Hunter X on PSP, the generally sub-par iPhone port, the Virtual Console release on 3DS, and now the X Legacy Collection on Switch. I can’t recall for sure whether I bought it on Virtual Console for Wii or Wii U, but I’d say that the likelihood for at least one of them is pretty high.

The X Legacy Collection has added a couple neat new wrinkles to the mix. In fact, it it hadn’t I probably wouldn’t have even bothered writing this thing. The smallest, but most mind-blowing thing of all is something I discovered when poking around to see if I could change the control layout (you can’t): if you have a special weapon selected and press L and R at the same time, it’ll automatically unequip the weapon and put you back to the X-Buster. This is a huge revelation because I thought you had to scroll through them all individually, or use the pause menu to swap. It’s not really a game-changer, but it’s a fun little trick that I never knew about, despite having played through the game so many times.

Another neat thing is that the X Legacy Collection includes pre-release trailers of all the included games. Though nearly all of them are in Japanese, it’s still cool to see that footage of earlier versions of the games, and pick out all the things that changed. I’ve only watched the MMX trailer so far, but I was delighted to see enemies that didn’t make it into the full version, little graphical changes, and some level layouts that got changed around slightly.

Lastly, you can choose to play either the North American or Japanese versions of all the games on the collection, and astoundingly enough, I’ve never actually played a Japanese version of any Mega Man X game. So I decided to check out Rockman X, and to my surprise, there really weren’t many changes made for the localization. Aside from the edited logo and text boxes being resized to accommodate the different languages, it seems like the only thing that changed are the bosses’ names. And maybe –maybe- they upped the drop rate for health pickups in the North American version, but it’s impossible to really know without looking at the actual code. It just seems like they aren’t quite as plentiful as I’m used to.

(Note: The Cutting Room Floor reveals a few other itty-bitty changes that I would have never noticed, and says nothing either way about drop rates.)

I said before that I think Mega Man X is as close to perfect as any video game is ever going to get, and I stand by that. Part of that is owed to its simplicity; it’s harder to get things wrong when you’re not bloating your game with superfluous features and systems (see nearly every sequel). But most of all, I just don’t think that there are very many things that you’d write up as problems. The only major one is that the final boss is too hard. Compounded by the fact that it’s a string of three fights in a row, the final form hits so hard that only the best players will be able to defeat it without draining all four of their sub-tanks. Combine that with the fact that he’s got a tiny hitbox that is only vulnerable to the least practical weapon in X’s arsenal, and you’ve got a real pain in the butt on your hands.

Aside from that, my other complaints are relatively minor: when you use a password, neither your sub-tanks’ stored energy or your progress through Sigma’s fortress are saved. The sub-tanks are a minor pain, since you can grind health pick-ups fairly quickly to fill them again, but the lost progress in Sigma’s fortress is a little harder to swallow. The levels are short -maybe five minutes each- but it’s still a pain to have to blast your way through them again if you started making your way through and had to take a break.

Anyway, I think that’s about enough of a spiel for today. Lord knows that I’ve already published enough material about Mega Man X that I don’t need to go on for another thousand words, though I’ve never written an actual review. And it’s not like this is going to be the last time I write about it either. I just thought it would be fun to go over a few unique little nuggets of info about the game that not everyone would be aware of. With the X Legacy Collections absorbing all my thoughts lately, I wouldn’t be surprised if some more writing about the rest of the series pops up in the near future.

Remembering the Cottage: Part 2

Happy Canada Day! To celebrate, let’s go way back and take a look at something that was an integral part of Canada Day for me for many years. Yes, that’s right, it’s finally time for the long-awaited Remembering the Cottage: Part Two

I have been slowly writing this article since 2007, which is not the longest that I’ve ever procrastinated on writing something, but it is a concept so close to my heart, so important to the foundation of who I am, that I feel terrible for not having finished writing it at some point in the last eleven years. During that time, many details have certainly been forgotten and memories jumbled up, so this is definitely not going to be as historically accurate as it should be.

To help illustrate, in the time since I posted Part One: two generations of Nintendo consoles passed; Obama’s tenure as US President began and ended; smartphones replaced flip-phones and human-to-human contact; I purchased two homes; I met a girl who I dated, married and divorced; and I bumbled my way into a job that eventually led to what darn well better be my career at this point.

I don’t know how long this article is going to go on for, but if the previous part is anything to go by, it’ll be a whopper. You all know the story anyway, and if you don’t, maybe go check out Part One and then come back. So let’s just skip the formalities and head right in, yes?

Continue reading Remembering the Cottage: Part 2

Monthend Video Game Wrap-Up – June 2018

Yes, Monthend Roundup or whatever it’s called is being posted a day early. That’s because there’s a HUGE article coming out tomorrow, and it’s very important to me that it goes live on Canada Day. So that’s that. Why am I explaining this? You don’t care.

~ Game Over ~

Mega Man 8 (Switch) – I was never a huge fan of this one, and replaying it in 2018 only serves to remind me of how it just doesn’t measure up to the rest of the series.

Bloodstained: Curse of the Moon (Switch) – A truly immaculate homage to Castlevania 3. Maybe a little on the easy side, but at least it never feels impossibly difficult, like its inspiration.

Mega Man 5 (Switch) – Now this one, this game is way too easy. The one NES Mega Man that I can burn through without even considering a save state. But it’s still very charming and creative!

Mega Man (Switch) – I don’t especially like Mega Man One. Why are his feet so slippery? Why do those big stompy guys hurt so much? How do you beat Yellow Devil without cheating?

Shaq-Fu: A Legend Reborn (Switch) – I’ll just say this: I’m glad I got this for free.

~ Now Playing ~

Pokémon Quest (Switch) – It’s a grind. A never-ending and wholly unsatisfying grind. Luckily, you can just set it to auto and let it grind itself. I still wouldn’t recommend it. Grind.

Tales of Berseria (PS4) – I have no idea why Berseria isn’t jiving with me the way other Tales games have. Whenever I play, I get a strong urge to do anything else after about 10 minutes.

MGSV: The Phantom Pain (PC) – I have become obsessed with this game, and now whenever I see a cargo container, I instinctively want to attach a Fulton balloon to it to steal it away.

Fallout Shelter (Switch) – It reminds me a lot of Middle Manager of Justice, only more post-apocalyptic. I don’t know that I have room in my life for another “waiting” game, though.

Fran Bow (PC) – A horror-themed point-and-click adventure game about a sick little girl who abuses pills to hallucinate solutions to puzzles. Also she may or may not have killed her parents.

I Am Setsuna (Switch) – Picked this back up because I want to finish it before Octopath Traveler next month. Unfortunately, I was saved right before a ridiculously hard boss…

 

Nintendo @ E3 2018

This is it: the big collection of video game commercials that I’d been aching for since March. Okay, yeah, with that qualification, it’s obvious that I was 90% in it just for the Smash. But hey, there were other neat things, too! Let’s take a look at the sentence or two that I had to say about them!

Daemon X Machina – OOH ANIME MECHS. I LIKE. It’s like the best parts of Xenoblade X but made by Platinum and Suda51. (Except not. It’s actually Marvelous making it.)

Xenoblade 2 DLC – Speaking of Xenoblade… Hey it’s that promised story expansion DLC for the game that I’ve still only seen like 50% of. It’s a prequel with a new titan, I guess? I don’t know, the narration was Japanese and my phone was sitting on a stand that obscured the subtitles. Obviously I’m going in on it, because Xenoblade 2 is freakin’ sweet and yeah I’ll take any more of it that they’re willing to give me.

Pokémon Let’s Go – No new information here. Just Reggie pimping the lame Pokéball Plus accessory. But it does give you a free Mew, so…

Super Mario Party – I don’t have friends, so I don’t care. And even if I did, I’m sure they’d just dump all over it instead of playing with me. Dig the logo, though.

Fire Emblem: Three Houses – It’s Fire Emblem on Switch, which is so cool, which I’m down with. But I have played exactly one Fire Emblem game ever, and I have my doubts that I’ll be adding this one to the list any time soon.

Fortnite – Nope. Don’t care. I do like how not-gritty it is, though. And cool that it’s out NOW.

Overcooked 2 – I’ve heard many times that Overcooked is great, but again, with the lack of friends and all.

Killer Queen Black – Like, seriously. No friends. Okay, one friend. But that’s still not really enough to care about multiplayer party games.

Hollow Knight – Ah! A single-player game! There we go! But I’ve played it already, so… oh, what? It’s available today? And only $17? Hey, I mean, it’s not like I paid money to play it the first time…

Octopath Traveler – New demo with carry-over data… but I really don’t have time to fit that in at the moment. I don’t even know that I’ll be able to make time for the full game come July.

Sizzle reel – Mostly things shown at other presentations, or that are already out, or are getting DLC soon. Nothing that made me shriek with joy. Dark Souls still doesn’t have a release date, and Monster Hunter Generations Ultimate made an appearance. Hi, 5 seconds of Mega Man 11!

Super Smash Bros Ultimate – There was a lot to process here, so rather than trying to clean it up, here’s my stream-of-consciousness notes, hastily typed as I was watching: Oh Sakurai, you joker. Link has new moves!  Zelda is Link Between Worlds style!! (<3) Ice Climbers are back! Pokémon trainer! Lucas! Ryu! Ganondorf looks better than ever! Cloud! SNAKE IS BACK! Pichu! Toon Link AND Young Link! Wolf! MEGAMAN! Every fighter ever is back! This is amazing news!  BIG BLUUUUE! Daisy?? (Aw, dangit.) Inkling seems awesome, and I love the Squid Sisters assist trophy. But where’s Off The Hook? Bomberman assist trophy? Nice! Ooh and a deadly Fake Smash Ball! GOOD LORD RIDLEY MURDERED MARIO AND MEGA MAN.

Verdict: Super Smash Bros Ultimate is out on December 7 and that’s all that matters. Everything else was gravy at best, or I just didn’t care. Smash is all I wanted from this presentation. It’s all I wanted from this E3. And by God, they delivered!