Category: Mario

Super Princess Peach – A review

If you look at my past video game reviews, you’re well aware that I’m a man who likes to play only the manliest of manly video games. So obviously I wasn’t gonna go out and buy any of that Super Princess Peach nonsense, no matter how many positive reviews I read, and no matter how much pressure Nintendo put on me to buy it. It’s just not my style.

(Un?)forutunatley, once while I was out with a bunch of friends, I mentioned that while I would never buy the game myself, if it did manage to find its way into my posession I would play it. So a couple of those friends took it upon themselves to go and buy me the game for my birthday as a gag gift. Now, I’m something of a penny-pincher when it comes to spending money on others, so a $40 gag gift seems like a lot to me, even if split between two people. So now that I do own the game, I had to play it. After all, I’m a man of my word if nothing else.

So as I mentioned above, I had read a handful of good reviews of Super Princess Peach, so I wasn’t terribly afraid of what would await me in the game. I was a little disgusted by the fact that it’s a game clearly built and marketed for 12-year-old girls, and therefore drenched in pink and cuddlines. But then again, it wouldn’t be the first game I’ve played that suffers from that particular affliction.

Alright, all that intro-esque crap aside, let’s take a look at what this game’s all about. In true handheld Mario fashion, you start by picking a warp pipe as your save file, and are greeted by a (rather leenghty) intro scene. It gives a few details of the game’s setting, Vibe Island, and how Bowser has set up a vacation home there. He manages to unearth a treasure called the Vibe Scepter, which allows the holder to toy with people’s emotions. With it, he has Mario, Luigi, and a boatload of Toads captured. Meanwhile, Princess Peach is enjoying a leisurely stoll with Toadsworth, and when they return to see the mess left behind, Peach immdediately sets out to save Mario, the Toads, and that green guy.

Before Peach gets on her way, Toadsworth presents her with a parasol he picked up from a dirty peddler. And surprise, surprise, the parasol can talk. And his name is Perry. Wow. they could have put at least a little thought into his name, rather than just playing the super-obvious pun. to top it all off, Perry is apparently extremely knowledgeable about Vibe Island, which kind of helps to explain the conveniently placed hint blocks (just like the ones in Yoshi’s Island, but without the charming doodles).

The game is laid out like pretty much every Nintendo platformer out there. Which is to say, it starts with the nice, quiet plains area, which serves as a training ground for the basic game mechanics. Then as you progress you see all the cliché game areas, including the forest, the haunted house, the volcano, and the seaside. I’m not really complaining about that, because that’s exactly what I expect from this kind of game, but it would be nice to see at least one somewhat original area.

Gameplay is pretty simple. You run about, jumping over platforms and smacking around enemies with Perry. There are also plenty things to collect along the way, obviously. What separates Super Princess Peach from the rest is her Emotion Powers. They’re probably not really called that, but I don’t care enough to check, and that’s probably close enough. What they do, is you’ve got five emotions, all with their own abilities and whatnot. Firstly, you’ve got your normal state. You could say it doesn’t count as an emotion, but I’ll do my best to ignore you and your annoying voice. The other four are used by tapping one of the four hearts on the touch screen.

The red heart initates Rage, which makes Peach stomp about like a three-year-old having a temper tantrum, and encases her in a ball of fire. Obviously, it’s good for burning things up and killing the more durable enemies. It also helps with pressing switches and other things that need a good stomp. The yellow heart will send Peach into Joy-town, making her swirl around in a nigh-impenetrable tornado. Enemies will be blown away, and it can also spin things like windmills. Flying is also possible while Peach is Happy, so it pretty much goes wihtout saying that Joy is the most useful emotion. The green heart will make Peach Calm, which restores the life gauge at an alarmingly slow rate. I guess it’s fair enough though, since giving you a recovery ability at all is a little cheap. The last heart, the blue one, makes Peach Sad. While Sad, she’ll run around at double speed, which helps cross falling platforms. She also acts like a huge water fountain, her tears able to spin waterwheels and grow sprouts into huge beanstalks.

All of the emotions in the previous paragraph are fueled by the Vibe Gauge. Using Joy to fly will sap it the quickest, while Clam will drain it pretty fast as well. The easiest way to replenish this gauge is to pick up the various blue crystals which are pretty much all over the place. The other way is a little more… sadistic. Peach can pick up enemies with Perry and toss them around much like Wario could in his side-scrollers, but there’s more to this than just tossing bodies around. If you need a quick Vibe gauge refill, you can have Perry swallow any held enemies whole! I still find it entertaining to watch goombas get muched up one by one.

So Peach is clearly on some sort emotional rollercoaster here. Would it be inappropriate to make some kind of period joke? Distasteful perhaps, but when have I ever cared for taste before? So… Frankly I’m quite frightened that Peach’s period lasts the duration of the game. Having to deal with that kind of thing three or so days a month is bad enough, but I’m going to go ahead and assume that this littel adventure takes many, many days. Possibly even a fortnight. Makes you wonder why Mario keeps saving her. Or why Boswer keeps kidnapping her. Oh! Wait! Since you’re the one changing her mood, does that mean you’re playing as her period? What is Nintendo trying to get at here?

Ugh. I kind of wish I could take that back. I mean, thanks to the miracle of technology that is the backspace key, in theory I could. But it’s not going to be happening. Why? I unno.

Moving on, the graphics in yonder game are pretty good. They’re kind of on the line between the wackiness of the Mario & Luigi style and the cute, vibrant Yoshi’s Island style. Sadly, there aren’t any fancy-pants 3D effects, but it’s okay. The colourful worlds and baby’s-bottom smooth animations are more than enough to suffice. One nice little touch is that depending on your DS’ internal clock, the title screen can be at day or night. It’s not much, but I like little things like that. I was going to make another really unsavory joke here, but it’s too much for even me to write. Just the word period, outside of its grammatical context, is enough to give me the willies.

Sound is a mixed bag. While it’s passable and up to par with whatever it’s supposed to be measured against, it’s just not memorable at all. not once after playing the game did I catch myself humming a tune. It might have been because I mostly played the game early in the morning, and my brin isn’t on enough to register music that early, but there’s no way around it. The music is forgettable. Sound effects are Nintendo standard. There’s nothing overly offensive, but no really great menu selection sounds either. And menu seletion sounds are what make or break a game. On the upside of it all, Peach has far fewer voice samples than Mario and Link do, so that’s one less annoyance to worry about. Or at least I didn’t notice them, because her voice is so high pitched that only dogs can hear it. My dgs weren’t barking at the game either, so I think we’re okay.

I really don’t know what else to say. Suffice to say, I’ve gotten really bored with reviewing games. I think I’m evn repeating my greivances about repeating myself now. And that’s pretty damn bad. Well, I can at least guarantee this is going to be the only article or anyhitng I ever write with period jokes.

I find it sad that I’m no longer ever trying to hide the filler junk within paragraphs of semi-pertinent stuff.

It hit me around the time that I got to world 3 that playing Super Princess Peach was a very déja vu experience. And while it ook a while to figure it out, I did come to a conclusion: Super Princess Peach is the girl version of Wario Land. Seriously. the only difference is that Wario Land is one of the greatest serieses to ever grace the handheld realm of gamienessness. Yeah whatever. The point is, it’s got all the same elements: long and well-designed levels, temporary powers, lots of secrets and alternate routes, and not-overly-difficult gameplay. While they are similar in nature, SPP still can’t quite match up the the greatness of Wario Land. I mean, Wario Land 2 is (in my opinion at least) the second best original/colour GameBoy game ever released (next to Pokémn Blue), so that’s quite a bit to live up to.

I forget if I’ve mentioned it already, but Super Princess Peach is really really easy. To quote Planet GameCube‘s Jonathan Metts, “La Femme Peach and her poison-tipped umbrella take on Bowser’s army of whistling forest animals. It’s not much of a fight.” I mean, it’s not like I finished the game without dying or anything, but you don’t have any lives, and when you do die, you just get put back at the entrance to the screen you were on. The game even allows you to buy upgrades for your heart meter, and I finished it without buying any, so yeah. The only time you really need to worry about dying is at bosses, because then you have to start the fight all over. It’s still no problem though.

In addition to hearts, you can also buy Vibe Gauge extensions, mini-games, music tracks, and all sorts of other crap. In the end though, you only get a small assortment of goodies at the shop. The rest are all scattered throughout the various stages. You even have to go through each level again once you’ve finished the game, because they’ve all been relpenished with more junk. Top that off with extra stages in each world during the second playthrough, and you’ve got a pretty long game. Easy, but long. So I guess it balances itself out somewhat. Finishing every stage and collecting every item will yield a rather useless prize, an unlimited Vibe Gauge. Wow. Totally not worth it if you’re doing it for the prize rather than the satisfaction of 100% completion.

In the end, I suppose Super Princess Peach is a decent game. It’s relatively fun, and it’s certainly got the Mario platformer charm. It’s just not something you’re going to be playing over and over again. Hell, I just barely made it through the second time. I guess the best thing that could possibly come out of it is that Peach might get a better moveset in Super Smash Bros Brawl. Other than that, my impressions of Super Princess Peach are pretty meh. B+, because I’m a generous guy.

Just let me sleep

I found a great review of FFVII: Advent Children. Yeah it’s a little out-of-date, but a good read no less. Find it here.

In video game news, I’ve been enjoying two of my favourite games from the last generation, Super Mario 64 and MegaMan Legends. What this has to do with any thing, I can’t really tell you. What I do know is that I’m a little surprised at how much better those two games can hold my attention than most from the current generation. I even spent 6 straight hours playing Castlevania: Symphony of the Night some weekends ago, and I can rarely play a single game for two hours straight these days. I bought MGS3:Subsistence a few months ago, and I’m still not even halfway through it. Even the oh-so-lovable Katamari Damacy can only keep me occupied for about an hour at a time. Are games really getting less interesting? It can’t be me, because I can still sit down for hours with the classics and most handheld games. Who knows? Maybe it’s just a phase. I can very much see myself not leaving the house (my room?) for long periods of time once that Wii thing makes its way into my living space. End ramblings.

I can’t surf

They’re making a Castlevania movie. I hope it’s awesome and spawns enough sequels to get up to a Curse of Darkness story…

You know what else pleases me to no end? Mario Hoops 3-on-3. I don’t care at all for basketball, but the fact that Square-Enix is developing it just makes me giggle. Also, it looks rather pretty too.

And last for today, check this out. Neat marketing scheme, no?

TE Top 10 – Funnest Video Game Moments

I don’t know how many times I’ve started an article with this fact, but I play a lot of video games. Perhaps too many, but not nearly as many as some of the real hardcore people. Why do I play video games? Mostly because they’re fun. At least, a good 40% or so are fun. The other 60% are licensed crap and RPGs (not a typo). Most of the good ones are fun in their own special way too, and that’s why it’s good to play a large variety; you never know what’s gonna amuse you next.

I’ve clearly taken it upon myself to make up a list. And not just any list, but a list of the ten absolute most fun things to do in video games. And while my ego does like to believe that my list is absolute, it is in reality only my personal list. You may disagree on some counts (as they’re somewhat sadistic), but I’m sure you’ll agree that most of them are in fact awesome, even if you wouldn’t put them on your own list.

To slim things down a bit and keep a little less bias about than usual, I’ve weeded out any ideas that are too general. Basically, I’m going to ignore entire games and multiplayer modes in general (for the most part) because let’s face it, the list would be Super Smash Bros Melee ten times over if I didn’t. Mind you, I didn’t spend a whole lot of time coming up with the list (only about two hours), but I think I got the essentials down. You should also take note that they’re not in any particular order, because there’s no way I’d ever be able to decide. So with the intro out of the way, let’s hop to it!

Smashing Opponents Into The Electric Fence

Game: Super Mario Strikers

Platform: Nintendo GameCube

Fun Rating: 8/10

Description: While Super Mario Strikers is a ton of fun in general, there’s one thing that really brings it above any other Mario Sports title: the amount of mayhem. While a game of Mario Kart can get pretty heated, it’s nothing compared to Strikers. The explosions, the Bowser, the hitting. You could piss away entire games simply body checking any poor soul that makes the mistake of getting too close and still enjoy the game to pretty damn well near its full potential. The thing that makes this even better is that the pitch is surrounded by an invisible barrier. What’s so great about that? well when you hit an enemy into it, they find out the hard way that it’s coursing with a many million volts. If 10,000v is the maximum real world voltage for an electric fence, then this one is likely around a couple megavolts. Anyhow, I find this extremely fun not only in the fact that I’m frying my opponents good, but also because they always let out a very painful-sounding scream as the electricity courses through their bodies. I told you some of these would be a little sadistic.

Traditional Super Mario Games

Game: Super Mario Bros/Super Mario Bros 3/Super Mario World/New Super Mario Bros

Platform: NES/ARC/GBC/GBA/SNES/DS

Fun Rating: 9/10

Description: I really didn’t want to include entire games (nevermind a whole series) in this, and rather just elements of games, but it’s too damned hard not to give a mention to Mario platformers. They’ve always been the cream of the crop as far as video games go, and you can always play them over and over. Mario’s the most recognizable video game character ever, and with good reason. People all over the world were enchanted by Super Mario Bros and many still hail it as one of the best games ever, and when it isn’t mentioned, it’s usually replaced by SMB3 or Super Mario World. Not only were the games fun because of their simple and addictive gameplay, but also because they could frustrate the Hell out of even the greatest players. Not catching on? Maybe the words “Outrageous” and “Tubular” will get those synapses firing. Lastly, I won’t spoil it, but New Super Mario Bros has like the greatest final boss fight ever. At least for a side-scroller.

Being A Zombie

Game: Stubbs the Zombie: Rebel Without A Pulse

Platform: PC/XBox

Fun Rating: 7/10

Description: I knew right away when I heard about Stubbs the Zombie that I had to have it. Even though the game turned out very differently than I’d imagined while reading about it, it still pleased me to no end when I finally got down to playing it. I don’t think there’s been a video game that’s let you be a zombie before (aside from a couple power-ups or bonus-games), and my dream came true with Stubbs. Its a pretty linear game, and doesn’t afford you a lot of options (early on, anyway), but it’s incredibly fun. Stubbs can do all sorts of awesome things like eat brains and create a horde of zombies. You can even rip off people’s arms and use them to beat other bystanders to death. Nearly 100 times more fun than a boring ol’ baseball bat. Posessing humans is pretty nifty too, and I don’t think I’ll ever get bored of using Stubbs’ “unholy flatulence” move. The only thing that really brings the experience down is that the game occasionally forces you to play as a [posessed] human, and the death of that host means having to start the area over. All in all though, playing for the zombie team is about as good as it gets.

Rolling People Into A Katamari

Game: Katamari Damacy/We Love Katamari/Me & My Katamari

Platform: Playstation 2/PSP

Fun Rating: 8/10

Description: I don’t know how many times I have to reiterate this: the Katamari Damacy series is the best thing to happen since opposable thumbs. The music is insane, the graphics are hilarious, and well, the gameplay was good enough to make me buy a PS2 (and maybe even a PSP, should it get a little cheaper). You’d never think that rolling things up into a ball would be as much fun as this, but I’ll be damned if it isn’t. And while rolling up onigiris and shoes is all well and good, the really fun part (at least for me) is when you get to roll up the wandering residents of the Earth. Many games have memorable moments, but none are quite the same as the first time your katamari is large enough to roll up a child. Oh, those little guys can run. It’s a truly amazing experience, and if you hadn’t been sold on the Katamari idea up to that point, once you start hearing the screams of terror from your freshly rolled high-school basketball team, you’ll definitely realize just why this series has the following it does.

Holding Up Soldiers

Game: Metal Gear Solid: the Twin Snakes/Metal Gear Solid 2/Metal Gear Solid 3

Platform: Nintendo GameCube/Playstation 2/XBox

Fun Rating: 6/10

Description: It may not be the most exhiliarating thing on the list, but there is definitely something to be said for the hold-up tactic found in all the Metal Gear Solid games since MGS2:Sons of Liberty (though the mini-game-esque “Hold Up Mode” was only in Substance). Playing with the guards and soldiers is a huge plus for the series, especially since getting through the main games doesn’t take too long (cutscenes aside), and possibly the most entertaining thing you can do to them is the hold-up. A vital tactic for procuring dog tags in The Twin Snakes and Sons of Liberty, the hold-up is exectuted by simply sneaking up behind your target and readying your gun. Walking in front of them and using first-person mode will scare them into dropping a dog tag (or other goods), and from there, they’re yours to play with. You can proceed to shoot out their radios, injure various limbs, or just shoot them in the ass to make them jump. some are even would-be heroes and try to pull their guns on you after you hold them up. Pumping a bullet into them will put ’em back in line.

Drenching Isle Delfino Residents

Game: Super Mario Sunshine

Platform: Nintendo GameCube

Fun Rating: 5/10

Description: If the FLUDD is good for anything, it’s annoying the crap out of all the NPCs in Super Mario Sunshine. A past-time that I don’t tire of quickly, soaking anyone nearby doesn’t rank too highly on my list, but it’s still a good wad of fun. Nokis try to take that fun away by simply retreating ito their shells, but the vast majority of Piantas will get all flustered and make a huge fuss about it. If only they’d actually take action after so long (I’m thinking they could exact revenge like the cuccos in Zelda games)… And then there’s Toadsworth. While the basic Toads just screech a little and act like they’re going to melt, the mustachioed mushroom lets out the most hilarious “YAAHBLAHBLAHBLAH!!” you’ll ever hear. That yelp alone is worth the place on this list. There are a lot of fun things to do in Super Mario Sunshine, but squirting Toadsworth makes me giggle like a schoolgirl every time.

Wasting Those Other Links

Game: Zelda: Four Swords Adventures/Zelda: A Link to the Past & Four Swords

Platform: Nintendo Gamecube/GBA

Fun Rating: 10/10

Description: Four Swords isn’t exaclty Zelda as you know it. It’s pretty close, but it’s got something no other has: multiplayer. While it’s multiplayer that encourages teamwork, it also makes sure to allow for plenty of friendly fire. Adventuring through stage after stage can get a little tiring, and every now and then, you just have to let loose and start murdeing any other Links that get close. Whether you’re doing it to steal Force Gems because you’re a backstabbing traitor (me), because you feel the need to start a war between the Links (also me), or just because throwing your friend off a cliff seemed like a fun idea (me again), killing each other can be far more fun than playing through the game proper. Four Swords Adventures even includes a battle mode tailored specifically to meet your teamkilling needs. Of course, there aren’t actually teams in that mode, but you know what I mean. The weapons and items in the games provide you with endless ways to burn, slash, stab, trample, explode, pierce, and throw your friends. There’s even an item in battle mode that unleashes a cucco who will rip out an opponent’s heart. Joy!

Playing Anakin (Or Any Sith, Really)

Game: Star Wars Epidoe III: Revenge of the Sith

Platform: Playstation 2/XBox/GBA/DS

Fun Rating: 8/10

Description: I know there are tons of Star Wars games out there where you can play a Dark Side character, but for the sake of brevity, I’m going to focus on Revenge of the Sith for this article. Yes, plenty of games let you be bad guys and perform actions not sanctioned by basic human morals, but Star Wars games really hand evil to you on a platter. I get much more satisfaction from watching an alien squirm as I crush his throat than I do from pumping bullets into people. The RotS games let you choose from Obi-Wan and Anakin, and Anakin is clearly the choice if you’re playing for the fun of it. Obi-Wan tends to be easier to play, but his is a more defensive game, while Anakin’s game focuses almost entirely on offense. Watching legions of battle droids crumble beneath the might of my Dark Side Force powers is a sight that couldn’t ever get old. The console version is even better, intensifying everything with fancy effects and superior lightsaber duels. I can see why so many Jedis fall to the Dark Side… It’s just so awesome.

Running Down Pedestrians

Game: The Simpsons: Road Rage/The Simpsons: Hit & Run

Platform: Nintendo GameCube/Playstation 2/Xbox/GBA/PC

Fun Rating: 7/10

Description: Yes, you can run over pedestrians in most driving games (and shame shame double shame to those in which you can’t). I know this. I know this well. But in most games they just go splat and then you get out and take their money. In the Simpsons games, the pedestrian-smashing is a little more humorous. You see, rather than pulling a Frogger, the pedestrians in the Simpsons games will bounce into the air when they get smacked by a car, giving players the impression that they’re all made entirely of rubber. Don’t ask me why I like this way of hitting people so much more, but I do. In fact, I was originally going to use GTA3 as a headliner for this entry, but decided against it when I remebered how much more fun it is when Homer runs somebody down than when some run-of-the-mill mobster does it. The funny noise it makes helps too.

Bomberman Multiplayer!

Game: Bomberman Generation

Platform: Nintendo GameCube

Fun Rating: 10/10

Description: Yeah, okay. So multiplayer in nearly any Bomberman game is stellar (except that XBox 360 abortion they call Bomberman: Act Zero). This is a well-known fact to nearly everyone. But I come here today intent on stressing how much I love the multiplayer mode in Bomberman Generation. Sure, you could just play the regular old blast-the-other-guys mode (which is A-OK, don’t get me wrong), but I’m totally enamored with the ultra-frantic Dodge Battle. You don’t get any bombs, and neither do your opponents. Sounds weak, but there’s a catch: bombs fall from the sky! The basic idea is to avoid them and be the last one standing, and playing that way is cool, but there’s even more. Each Bomberman starts equipped with both kick and punch abilities, so you can still put your back into getting your enemies killed, even if it’s not the traditional way. There are some more special modes, but they don’t kick nearly as much ass. You can read about ’em all in my Bomberman Generation FAQ… somewhere. It’s on this site and GameFAQs, but I don’t feel like linking to either one at the moment.

So that’s it for now. I’m sure that there are some great moments that I’ve forgotten, but I’m content with my list. Surely games of the future will bring even more memorable moments, and I’m looking forward to all of them. I can’t really think of anything else that needs to be said to conclude this, so off I go!

So afraid of life

It’s been out for like ages now, and I finally got around to renting Super Mario Strikers yesterday. Long story short: best Mario sports game ever.

What we have here is a pretty basic game of soccer, only it’s been pumped full of adrenaline and awesome. The big differences between this and normal soccer games would be A) the use of items B) “super strikes” and C) the amount of hitting. As you can see by those few points, this game pushes the offense envelope farther than you might have expected. Items aren’t overly useful or varied, but they cause a lot of damage. Super strikes are basically guaranteed goals if you manage to get the timing down perfectly, and can cause some mind-bendingly high-scoring games. Lastly, there’s so much body-checking in this game that it’s nuts. Also, Bowser shows up every once in a while to royally mess up everybody’s shit.

Again, killer game. Tons of fun, and an excellent party game. It’s like the Super Smash Bros of sports titles. It’s even got some kickass robots. Highly recommended.

Mass Review Time: Episode 2

Well, I really shouldn’t have to explain this again since it’s basically the same article I ran two weeks ago, but I do it every time for Chat Radio. What a sucker I am…

*Ahem* To get back to the point, this is simply a bunch of short reviews of various goodies I bought/obtained during the past week. I add “obtained” in there because in all honesty, there’s one item here that I didn’t pay a cent for. You’ll understand just why that’s such a good thing once you get that far. So that’s the summary done, I guess we’d better get to the real task at hand then.

• Item #1 – The Bachman/Cummings Songbook

If the world was more like Metal Gear Solid, my entire family would have had funny little question marks floating over their heads when they learned that I bought this. I’m willing to bet everyone else on the face of the earth would too. Fact is, I often wonder how well people think they know me. I’m not an overly complex guy, but certainly if even my family – people who interact with me every single day – couldn’t forsee me buying this CD, they obviously don’t know me too well, and I doubt anyone else does then. Oh well. Not that I’m complaining about it. I like having an air of mystery.

That said, the CD rocks. I’d review it myself, but I’d basically just be saying exactly what this review says. And I’m not one to plagiarize outside of homework.

That review does end with a question though, and I have an answer for it: Matthew good. Score: A+

• Item #2 – Wonder Showzen season 1

A while back (presumably around the time the show started airing), the Mask started posting clips from a show called Wonder Showzen. Based on the name, at first I assumed it was some quirky Japanese show, but no. Turns out it’s an MTV spoof of Sesame Street. Or something like that anyway.

In any case, I really enjoy the show. It’s not top-tier stuff like Robot Chicken, but the two shows do have their similarities, such as being completely random and often quite offensive. The “main” skits are usually pretty funny and off-the-wall, and all the crap in the middle is great, like “Beat Kids” which has a kid dressed up as a reported asking people about dumb stuff (EX: asking “how was it?” as people leave a park restroom). The biggest problem I have with it is that the Clarence bits are funny, but tend to drag on and get annoying. Oh well. Also, the show can be… erm… insensitive towards those who are… weak of stomach. It’s nothing you won’t be able to handle if you’ve seen the dreaded “Tubgirl” image and lived though. Nowhere near that level of gross. Score: B+

• Item #3 – Some kind of shrink-wrap removing dealie

As I was paying for my junk at HMV, the girl at the checkout suggested that I pick up one of these little things. She said it was for getting the shrink-wrap off CDs and DVDs and whatnot, and since it was only $1.50 and I hate shrink-wrap and she was cute, I decided to pick it up. I think I used the word “and” waaaay too much in that last sentence there.

I put the thing to work right away, opening my new wares. However, being the dumbass I am, I couldn’t get this overly simple contraption to work. Nope. Took me a good five minutes to figure the thing out. I really shouldn’t have told you that, but I really don’t have much else to say to fill this space. I guess mentioning that the thing works wonders is good way to do it though. Score: A+

• Item #4 – Free Indie-crap CD

I am many things. Slow, thick-headed, dense, witless, etc etc. I’m also a penny-pincher and a pushover, and both traits play a large role in this acquisition. You see, the checkout girl at HMV I mentioned just a little earlier also offered me this “sampler CD.” I knew damn well that it was a trap and likely filled with horrible music, but when put on the spot like that, and being the floor-mat I am, I also knew damn well that I was screwed. Luckily, she quickly added that it was free. Breathing a sigh of relief, I agreed to take one, and all was good.

The CD is pretty much garbage. I’ve only heard of one of the bands (Pilate, who are featured on the front), and I can’t say I’m going to worry too much about learning more about any of them. None of the songs are really bad per se, but almost all entirely forgettable, with the exception of Donovan Frankenreiter’s “Move By Yourself” which is way too funky not to like. Pilate isn’t too bad either, but at best, they’re a less boring version of U2. Score: C-

• Item #5 – Hawksley Workman – Live in Lille DVD

I don’t know if you’ve been keeping score at all, but I’ve been listening to all sorts of music outside my normal range as of the last few months, and hawksley Workman is one of the artists that I’ve really gotten into. He’s a Canadian indie rocker, and though I may have come off as critical of indie music in that last little CD review up there, this guy is really awesome.

I don’t usually buy music DVDs, even shows. In the past, there are only two that I’ve made exceptions for: Queen – Live at Wembley, because that’s like the greatest show ever performed, and HIM – Love Metal Archives Volume 1, because HIM rules. Now I’ve got a third, kind of a spontaneous purchase, but a good one nonetheless. I haven’t seen many live shows in my time, but I’ve listened to many live CDs and seen a lot of shows on TV, so I have a good appreciation of the general rule that bands either suck or rock onstage. At least I’ve never seen anyone do a middle-of-the-road performance. Anyway, Hawksley live is good stuff. He seems to have a little trouble getting all the words out, but I’ve seen many that have the same problem. He still puts on a good show, and I’d recommend this DVD to any fan. Score: B+

• Item #6 – Compaq Optical Mouse

Recently, I was able to restore my personal computer to working order. It was quite a process, as that thing was seemingly screwed up beyond repair. Now that it’s in a better way – and beefed up with a new video card to boot – I’ve been putting it to good use as a gaming PC. Not that I play many PC games, but I need to use the damn thing for something.

Sadly, most of the games I play put a pretty strong emphasis on having a scroll wheel on your mouse, and my old mouse just couldn’t afford me that luxury. So I went out and picked up a cheap optical mouse. It’s pretty darn neat for a mouse too, as it’s all mini-sized and intended for a laptop. The scollball thing doesn’t work nearly as well as a real scroll wheel though. It seems to have something against scrolling down, but applying a little force gets it back in line (just like women!). That little bug aside, it works well, and I really like the tiny size. Also, my simple mind is totally amazed by the little dongle it comes with so you can plug it into a normal mouse port instead of USB. Good thing too, because my USB ports are always full… Score: A-

• Item #7 – New Super Mario Bros

I’ll give it to you straight: If you liked any Super Mario Bros game before this, chances are that this is worth buying a DS for (this and all those other awesome DS games). But seriously, I haven’t played a video game this good since Super Mario World (because I like Yoshi’s Island and Mario 64 a little better), and I think that says a lot, because I play a hell of a lot of video games. It’s got all the charms of an old Mario game, and does so much awesome new stuff that I couldn’t even begin to describe its greatness in three paragraphs.

First of all, it’s clearly an homage to the games of yore, and a much better homage than simply porting those games. If you give it a shot, New Super Mario Bros will immediately win your heart. From the total lack of story (the princess is captured, Mario must save her) to the unnerving difficulty of some levels and obstacles, this game just oozes Super Mario. The 2D/3D look of the game is incredible, and makes use of some great effects, like morphing entire landscapes under your feet and growing Mario and enemies to gigantic size or shrinking them down to a size similar to that of one Edward Elric.

As you may have heard, there is a bit of an overabundance of extra lives. The game is tough, so you’ll be putting them to good use, but I doubt anyone with even a little skill will ever run out. The other small issue is that it opts to use that damned Bowser Jr over and over where the Koopa Kids would clearly fit very nicely. Dammit Nintendo, you need to listen to the fans more carefully! Do you know how happy we were when they showed up in Superstar Saga?

Anyway, Score: A++

That’s it for this week. I’m sorry I cooped out and did another mass review so soon after the last, but I’d just bought so much stuff that it would have been a waste not to do it. You know what? This apology is really more suited for the ol’ blog. Yeah. I’ll just wrap it up here then.

Everything is better when I’m not around

So I think I’m dying. Or really malnourished. I’m not too sure. Anyway, time for more important matters.

The new New Super Mario Bros video is up. It’s really looking good, but upon closer inspection of the bottom screen, the levels seem to be a little short. Let’s just hope it ends up being as good as Super Mario Bros 3 and Super Mario World.

I shouldn’t have to remind you, but E3 starts in a week. It’s gonna be an awesome show, because we’re finally going to see some Revolution Wii games. Hearing all this talk about Red Steel and Madden 2007 (which sounds like it’s going to be really sweet) is all well and good, but I need something I can really sink my teeth into. Like maybe a video or two of the new Super Smash Bros game. Anything from Nintendo would be nice, really. This is going to be even better than the E3 where they showed off all the Gamecube stuff. It’s bringing back memories of the time before the GC was released, where my friend and I would just sit at IGN and refresh every minute in hopes that some new screenshots or videos would be added. Ah, good times. Good times.

In other news, I may have an article tomorrow. I may not. Depends on how I feel today. And also if I spend the whole day sleeping, like I have been for the last 4 days. Damn overnight shift broke me good. Thank God it’s almost over.