No rest for the stupid

Kill me… So very tired. I just edited and HTML’d an entire Messenger conversation. It probably would have been a lot easier and quicker had I opted not to colorize it, but the fans like when I go the extra mile. Screw you, fans. I’m gonna die because of you assholes people. Well, chalk up another pseudo-article. I love that word. Pseudo. I’d name my kid Pseudo if my (future) wife and mom (and mother-in-law!) wouldn’t torture and kill me for it. Oh well. Maybe I’ll get a fish and name it Pseudo. Nobody will care what I name my fish. My future looks good. Except for all of the sleep-depravity. Well, that’s it for this week. Three articles in under 24 hours. I think I deserve a break. Ryan out.

CELDA COUNTDOWN : 6 DAYS REMAIN

Art Gallery GET!

This day will live in infamy forever… or something to that effect. Today I added an art gallery to the site. Yes, you heard(read?) me right, an art gallery. OK, so it’s not really art per se, but hey, I get my content where I can. There isn’t much in there yet, but as I find stuff I can make fun of, it’ll fill up. So go and see my pseudo-article and be sure to tell me what you think.

CELDA COUNTDOWN : 7 DAYS REMAIN

UPDATE! – Two in one day! That’s amazing. Keep in mind though, that I did write most of the Zelda article a few days ago, I just finished putting in the pictures today. Oops, I guess I ruined the surprise. But all the regular visitors (1) already knew what it was about, so not much is lost. I suppose that that’s about it for today. Be sure to stay tuned for the next article!

Photoshoppery #1

I was playing around with Photoshop today for the first time in a while. I had only got it originally so I could edit .PNGs for RPGMaker, but after that went out the window, I just let it sit there to collect virtual dust. Now that I’ve experimented with it a bit, I think my PC doodles will be of a lot higher quality than what I can churn out in MS Paint. Here’s an example of my work:

I’m really proud of it. Like, really proud of it. I know once I figure out how to use PS a little better my pics will get better too, but for now, it amazes even me that this turned out so well. As for a new article, it’s almost done, I just need to put in a couple more pictures.

The Quest is over

You might have been visiting my other site here and discovered something quite saddening. But, to brighten your spirits, I’ll tell you this: I’ve been working on a couple different articles. And by that, I mean I just need to put the finishing touches on them before I upload them. Whee! Now that that’s out of the way, ZELDA’S COMING IN 14 DAYS!! …yeah, that’s about all I have to say for now. Adios.

The Legend of Zelda (cartoon)

As you might be aware, I already did a little overview of the Legend of Zelda cartoon in my first article. But, I was recently given the chance to see all 13 episodes of the series, of which I’ve only watched 7 of so far. I know I was a little bit harsh on it back in the other article, but now I see the error of my ways.

Why was I so harsh? Well, it’s mostly because I hadn’t seen the show for so many years that I had forgotten that it’s f***ing hilarious. Yeah, I was so very amazed at how funny the cartoon actually is. While most of the funny came from laughing at the show, there was still a lot of intended funny. I have to say that this is the first show in a long time that’s made me fall off the seat laughing. Actually, it’s the first anything in a long time that’s made me falling off the seat laughing.

But today I am going to focus on the absolute funniest episode that I’ve seen so far. It’s called “The Missing Link”. Now that name by itself just screams hilarity, don’t you think? Well even if you don’t, I do. Actually, the title is a bit misleading, seeing as Link is never actually “missing” per se, just more not there. Sure he may go “missing” for 2 or 3 seconds, but that’s just for effect. Now that I think of it, most of the titles up to this point are misleading. But that’s besides the point.

“The Missing Link” is definitely my favorite episode so far, mostly because it’s funny, but also because the plot is rather good. You know, for a kids show. If it’s wasn’t an ancient kids cartoon, I might be a little more picky about how good the plot is, but seeing as it’s so damn funny, I’ll let it go this time. Well, enough babbling, on to the show!

THA LEGUN UV ZELDAH!!
At least the birdies aren't missing.

“The Missing Link” is the sixth episode in the series, or so I’ve been led to believe. This really has no effect on anything, since there is absolutely no continuity anywhere in the series. Well, maybe a little, but nothing that would make any difference.

Our show starts with Zelda picking flowers in the castle courtyard. Just another day in the seemingly unpopulated world of Hyrule. But then, out of nowhere, the fountain explodes in a pillar of sparkly pink dust and Ganon and his entourage of Stalfos and Moblins appear out of a hole in the ground. Now this is not at all awkward, since unlike the game, everywhere in Hyrule is an entrance to Death Mountain. The blast knocks Zelda over and her flowers to an untimely doom.

Awww, they're so pretty.
EEK!

Where is our hero? I’ll tell you where he is. He’s up on a bridge-type thing polishing his shield. Now this is the one thing that’s plagued curious gamers since the first Zelda game came around. Where does Link hold all of his stuff? Well the cartoon answers all. Apparently, in Hyrule, everything is “magic” and can conveniently be shrunken down to mini-size and stored in a side pack. And speaking of shrunken, Link’s sword is tiny! I have LEGO swords that are bigger than that thing. But it gets the job done so can’t complain.

Link jumps down from the bridge, and the Moblins start shooting magic arrows at his nice clean shield. What a downer. He asks Zelda if she’s OK, she replies yes, and the Moblins get an idea. They immediately open fire on her so that Link can get in as many shots as he needs. When Link attacks, the sword’s shot makes the right noise, but when the bad guys blink out of existence, they make the sound of collecting a rupee. Strange, no? Zelda takes Link’s shield and runs away to get the Triforce, leaving Link defenseless against the barrage of arrows.

Oh no... it's his evilness Ganon!
Gimme that!

Ganon reveals that he has a new weapon, the Magic Wand! Real new, pig-face. He intends to use it to zap Zelda into his “Evil Jar”. I’ll explain this as clearly as I can. Ganon has this really big jar in his lair. When monsters are “zapped” by anything “magical” that touches them, they go into this jar for recycling. But,
when humans get hit by one of these magic zaps, they just fly ten feet backward. So, Ganon has conjured up a staff that will allow him to put humans in the jar. Simple, right?

Zelda reappears with the Triforce and no shield. She zaps a few Moblins and then Ganon attacks. Zelda is able to reflect the powerzap with Triforce magic. the zap bounces off a few walls with a rubberness that Flubber would be jealous of, and then, since he has no shield Link takes the blast and fades out of existence. Ganon decides to cut his losses and return to Death Mountain. Zelda realizes that she took the shield which makes her responsible for Link’s being zapped. Ordinarily she wouldn’t care, but since it’s a special occasion, she breaks down and cries over Link’s dropped sword.

Fighting magical powers with magical powers since 1989
Boo-hoo! It's all my fault!

But what is this? Link’s ghost appears out of nowhere and Zelda ends up doing a faceplant while trying to hug the “ghostified” Link. Apparently all that bouncing around weakened the power zap and only Link’s body was taken to the Evil Jar. Sprite the fairy appears and now we see that Zelda is the only one who can see ghost Link. The dynamic duo decide that they must go find Link’s body. It’s not like there’s anything else to do in Hyrule. I told you, nobody lives there except for Link, Zelda, Sprite and the stupid-ass king. I guess they could all play a game or something, but they would tire of each other eventually.

Now we have a problem. Link can’t pick up his sword.

Link = What am I gonna do?

Zelda = The only thing we can do. Get it back.

(She pick up and swirls the sword around)

Link = My heroic princess. Kiss me.

Zelda = Oh shut up.

I laugh every time I hear that.

Hey! you're really falling for me, princess!
I can't pick up my sword! *insert impending doom music*

So the two head into Death Mountain, and are attacked by Stalfos. Zelda manages to zap them all, with the help of Ghost Link. But like Sprite, the Stalfos weren’t able to see Ghost Link. Zelda wonders why she is the only one who can see him… They move on and find a balcony over Ganon’s chamber.

The jarred(as in “now stuck in a big jar”) Stalfos tell Ganon about how Link is a ghost and nobody can see him but Zelda. Ganon yelps and turns away in disgust, stating that the only way Zelda could see Ghost Link is if…

Ganon ponders the meaning of life over his new coffee table.
AAAHHHH! A GHOST!

ZELDA WAS IN LOVE WITH HIM!!!

Our heroes overhear the conversation and Link gets up on the balcony’s edge and does a little song and dance, being so happy that Zelda loves him. She inevitably denies it, saying she only likes him a little bit. But since Ganon can still hear Link, his outburst alerts the bad guys and Ganon sends a bunch of Moblins after them. they jump down and Link runs to the jar as Zelda tries to fend off the Moblins.

Link does the Happy Dance.
Surfing the pink wave! Hang... everything?

Link swims through the endless pink fog that is the inside of the jar and comes across his body, guarded by a lone Stalfos. Link enters his body and demands that the skeleton gives him a bomb. What could he be thinking? A bomb? Inside the Evil Jar? Link, you’d better not be planning what I think you are.

Meanwhile, Zelda isn’t putting up much of a fight, and the Moblins are really ahead in the fight. Just as they’re about to finish her off, the jar blows up and Link comes surfing through the waves of purple liquid on… nothing. The “water” washes Ganon and his minions away, and Link saves Zelda from the remaining Moblins. But just as they are about to celebrate *wink wink* the Evil Jar starts to explode and they are forced to high-tail it out of there

Pucker up, baby!Will Link finally get his kiss?

Yipe! Where'd he go?
Nope. Instead, he falls into a hole.

For what it’s worth, he does get a kiss when he falls and kisses the dirt, but for the sake of comedy Link goes through all this for nothing. I guess it’s just to teach kids at home that when they’re about to be kissed, to look out for plot-holes. Get it? Plot-holes?? Ha ha ha ha ha! I kill me.

Then as the show fades out, Zelda bursts into a laughing fit that sounds suspiciously like the crying fit she had at the beginning of the episode. Luckily, I downloaded this episode, so I didn’t have to put up with Captain Lou and Mr. Wells making complete idiots out of themselves. I think karma is finally repaying me for all the good things I do. Thank you karma.

So that’s it. I really recommend you try to download it from somewhere or scour your local Blockbuster for a tape. I know ours has some Mario Bros. videos, so you might be lucky. Even some other video shops might have them, I’m not sure, I don’t look at the movies, especially the kiddie movies. Like I previously said, the plots of these shows are a bit lacking, but that really doesn’t matter since they’re so damn funny.

I just noticed that this review is really long, especially compared to my other ones. But long is good, right? I probably could have compressed it a bit and cut out some filler, but I like it the way it is, so that’s the way it’s gonna stay. I really don’t have anything to go out on, so I’ll just leave you with this little tidbit: Smile, it makes people wonder what you’re thinking.

Yawn yawn yawn

Yes, I’m a sleep deprived maniac. But nobody cares and I’m only hurting myself so it doesn’t matter. Today I added my second article. It’s about… another TV show. Don’t get all excited thinking that I’m gonna write an article every five days. Oh no. Only when I find something I want to write about. So it could be anywhere between an hour and forever between articles. Why are you still reading the news? Go read the damn article!

UPDATE – A few minor cosmetic changes. Nothing you’ll notice, but I thought I should mention it anyway. …That’s it then.

Bots Master

Yes, that’s right. Bots Master. So I add another old TV show to my ever-expanding list of articles. I hope you like this one as much as the first! Or more, if you didn’t like the first one. I guess this is kind of a tenth anniversary thing too, because the show first aired 10 years ago.

Actually, some credit goes to my friend, from whom I got the idea to do the article on Bots Master. We were just talking about stuff and it came up. A couple nights later I was bored and this is the finished product of that boredom. Of course, there was a test I should have been studying for, but I have my priorities straight. And besides, no matter how much I study, I’m not gonna pass that test. It’s not like history is important anyway.

It’s kinda sad that on all the internet, there is very little dedicated to this show. It wasn’t super-popular or anything, but it had a toy line, so you can tell they were hoping it was gonna go somewhere. But, I was able to find just enough info to fill up a whole article, and even some media too. We’ll save that for later though…

Bots Master. Ah, yet another classic cartoon. Originally I thought it was another one of those 1-season wonders, but it turns out I made a little mistake. There was a walloping 40 episodes of Bots Master. But even then, that’s not a whole lot.

Bots Master was run waaaaay back in ’93 when robots were all the rage. Of course, Transformers were the leaders, and everyone else could only hope for a piece of their popularity. Bots Master just happened to be one of those wannabes, and one of the more popular wannabes in my household. For me and my brothers, Bots Master was the robot show to watch. Mostly because we didn’t know when Transformers was on.

The show was about a kid named Ziv Zulander, or ZZ for short, his sister Blitzy, and their robot pals, the BOYZZ (Brain Operated Young Zygoetopic Zoids). Now I was pretty sure that “zygoetopic” wasn’t a word. A short visit to dictionary.com confirmed my hypothesis. I’m not too sure how “zygoetopic” is pronounced, or even if it can be pronounced. Luckily for them, the producers set the show far into the future, so they can get away with making up words… this time.

Anyways, ZZ and the gang had a mission. Like all good heroes, they were rebels. Like all good plots, there was an evil company trying to take over the world. The Robotic Megafact Corporation, or The Corp,was led by Dr. Hissss, Sir Louis Leon Paradim, and Lady Frenzy. They would take innocent robots, and put evil mind-warping chips in them. Yup, your standard take over the world scheme. But it had robots, so it was cool.

At this point, you’re wondering “Who are these robots you speak so fondly of?” I guess I have to tell you. first we have the Street BOYZZ, comprised of Toolzz and Jammerzz. These two are prety standard street punk fare, except for they fight for the good guys. Next up are the Sports BOYZZ, Ace, Batzz, and All-Ball. I’m pretty sure there was another one of these guys. A few others were Genesix and D’Nerd, the smart bots and Watson, the doctor bot. There were a whole bunch of others, but I’m damn lazy so I won’t be covering them all.

OK, you convinced me. One more. Luckily, he’s my all-time favorite BOYZZ. Ninjzz. Logic would denote, that since robots are cool and ninjas are cool, a ninja robot(or a robot ninja if you will) would be cool X2. It’s so very true. Ninjzz was indeed the best bot. He had three arms, three weapons, and rollerblades. Plus a whole lot of 1337 ninja skillz. Oddly enough, he was given a speech impediment that slurred his “s”es into long z sounds. But the ninja robot thing covered that blemish up pretty well.


Oh Hell, for the sake of the length of this article, I’ll tell you about a few more bots. I can’t remember(or find) their names, but they had a special talent. These five bots had a very unique talent. They could transform! As if that wasn’t enough, they could turn into a big bot named Jungle Fiver! Wow! It’s so original it blows my mind! *coughconstructiconscough* Did I mention how original this idea was?

Not only did Bots Master have a TV show, it also had a line of toys. Maybe they predicted it would be successful, who knows? Even if the show wasn’t all that big, there were still toys which would last much longer than the show did, presuming you took somewhat good care of your toys. I can’t be held responsible if you played so rough that they broke within the week. There weren’t a whole lot of toys. A couple good guys, a few bad guys and maybe Jungle Fiver. Not as huge a line as say, Star Wars, but they were pretty fun. I think I still have Ninjzz.

You know what? As I was writing this article, I realized something. When I was little, I was really into Nintendo, still am, but almost moreso then. And because of that, I never really got into toys. Oh, of course I had (almost) every Ninja Turtle and Crash Dummy, plus some random other ones, but I was never into toys as much as the non-videogame-having kids. Some might say I was lucky, but now that I look back, I feel deprived. Maybe that’s why I’m really getting into toys now. Nintendo, if you’re reading this, I want my childhood back!!


While I’m on the subject of video games, I’m at least 74% sure that there was never a Bots Master video game. If there was I would have played it. And if I had played it, I would remember it. This could be for our own good though, because games based on TV shows rarely work out (unless it uses a Disney license and is made by Capcom). The other way around has a much higher success ratio, in my opinion anyway. But yeah, I’m pretty sure there isn’t a video games with Ninjzz in it. But I’m gonna go ROM searching just to make sure. If there is one, I’ll be sure to make it available to my loyal readers.

Anyone who watched the show was also given a little treat. There was a small segment of the show which lasted approximately two minutes that was in mind-boggling 3-D. The catch was that you needed some fancy cardboard glasses to see it properly. Needless to say, I never had any such “3-D Shades”, so I really can’t tell you what that was all about.

I guess the last topic I need to touch on is how good the storyline of the show was. To be completely honest, I haven’t got a frickin’ clue. But if the general story is any indication of the episode plots, I’d say it’s pretty weak. But on the bright side, it’s a cartoon about robots. And of course, robots don’t need a good story, simply because they’re robots.

In conclusion, Bots Master seemed to be a pretty decent cartoon. Of course, I haven’t seen it for about nine years, so I really can’t be sure. All I know is I liked it back then. Then again, I liked everything back then. Except girl stuff. Oh no. I’m a manly friggin’ man. Not some stupid girl-stuff liking girly boy. Not me. At all. Nope. So as I was saying, Bots Master was indeed a cool show. Although I’d much rather have the original MegaMan cartoon revived. After all, who can resist CutMan’s charms?

First of many

Remember what I said about not having anything to put on the site for a while? Well, it was all a lie.

Today, I put up my very first article! Hooray for me! What is it about? You’ll have to go find out for yourself. What are you waiting for? Go here to read it. I know it’s not very funny(I wasn’t aiming for funny, but there are a couple “jokes”), but is is an interesting read, and it’s a good way to invest ten minutes. So go on, read it, and send me your thoughts.

UPDATE – I just changed the look of the site a little bit. Now the logo is above the ad, and the page links are up at the top too instead of down at the bottom. I think it looks better and more professional this way. Now I’m ranked a lot higher on Newgrounds too. Huzzah!