Go Green Machine!

Over the last month or so, I’ve been trying to sneak in an episode or two of the classic Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon in whenever I get a chance. I own all the DVD sets after all, so I should probably actually watch them.

Now, I hear a lot of people groaning, and I stop to wonder why. I’ve heard many people who used to love the old TMNT get a hate-on for it these days, and all these people are stupid idiots. The most common reason I’ve heard for ex-fans no longer liking the show? Because the Turtles use an excess of 80’s slang and are therefore out-of-date. Here’s the thing about that: they don’t.

If you actually stop to watch the show, you’ll notice that the Turtles and the majority of the characters around them don’t use slang very often, if at all. And none of it is particularly dated. Leonardo’s vocabulary is often very proper, even eschewing contractions here and there in an effort to sound more mature and leader-like. Donatello is very similar, only he doesn’t have the air of superiority that Leo does. Raphael is the Ninja Turtle Chandler. Or Chandler is the Raphael of Friends. There are two exceptions to this rule:

1. Michaelangelo. Yes, he uses an excess of slang. But it’s not really just random 80’s slang popped in there to be cool  rad. It’s 80’s surfer slang to be specific, and it’s there because that’s a part of the character’s personality. He enjoys extreme sports, surfing in particular. 2003 Michaelangelo is the same way, but using 2003 lingo.

2. When people are referencing Michaelangelo. This is always prefaced by an “As Michaelangelo would say…”

So eat that, kids; your detraction doesn’t hold water. Maybe stop to watch an episode or two of the show before you make criticizms. But I do sort of understand. The problem is that the marketing for the show really pushed those slang terms. It was (and still is, to a degree) rare to see a piece of Turtles merch that isn’t plastered with words like “Cowabunga!” and “Tubular!”

As for me, I really like the show! (As I should, given how much money I’ve exchanged for all those DVDs.) The animation steadily improves with each season, and voice/colouring flubs happen considerably less often after the first season. There have been many instances when a one-liner has actually made me laugh out loud. More surprisingly, the lion’s share of those LOLers have come from Krang of all people. Brain people. Brain monsters. For example:

Rocksteady: Do we really have to ride in those [modules] again? All we do is go up and down, up and down
Krang: Sounds like a perfect job for a couple of yo-yos.

Fantastic! Sure, it’s not exaclty the wittiest stuff ever written, but it’s pretty damn good for a cartoon for children. And the narrative is pretty impressive for a kid show too; the entire first season follow one big plot thread, and the second season’s episodes can generally be split between two major storylines. Season three is pretty much 80’s Transformers (Turtles/Autobots stop Shredder/Megatron’s zany plans to steal an energy source), and I haven’t gotten any farther than that.

And yeah, if it degenerates into a “crazy caper of the week” type of show with only a semblance of an overall story, that’s still been more than enough for tons of other shows. Like Trailer Park Boys. Think about it. Each episiode is another one of Ricky’s wacky adventures, and each season begins with the boys getting out of jail, and ends with them going back in. That’s not how every season rolls out, but it’s the basic template. TMNT is the same: Turtles go on a wacky adventure each episode, each season opens with Krang berating Shredder over their latest failed assault with the Technodrome, and the Technodrome returns and then gets transported to a new nowhere land (Earth’s core, Arctic Ocean, etc.) at the end of every season.

Needless to say, I’m still a fan. It’s not the best old cartoon out there, but it’s certainly a contender. Mostly I just wanted to address the outdated slang issue. There are plenty of things that you could pick at and not like the show for, and if they’re reasonable arguments I’ll let you be. But picking on TMNT because of a vocabulary issue that isn’t actually there, I cannot abide.

Lights of Ecstatic Species

November is going to be the bestestist month ever. Super Mario 3D Land and The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword come out a week apart from each other, and the latter comes bundled with a CD of the Zelda 25th anniversary symphony tour and a gold Wiimote. But besting even my insatiable lust for Nintendo games (and swag, and VGM), I’m going to see Matthew Good in concert.

If I had a bucket list, seeing Matthew Good live in concert would be damn near the top of my bucket list.

Van Halen might have been the first act I really liked, but Matthew Good was the first artist I ever truly got into. After getting Beautiful Midnight for a birthday or Christmas or something and listening to it every night for months, I was hooked. Napster hit the scene not long after, and I was able to listen to some of Matthew Good Band’s older tracks, but was constantly put out because I wasn’t able to find their previous album, Underdogs, no matter how hard I looked.

Back then I was still fairly green as far a music goes, and I was unsure about asking for the follow-up album, The Audio of Being, because I hadn’t heard any music from it (a trait I still have). I really wanted Underdogs, but I ended up getting The Audio of Being for Christmas in aught-one, and I may have listened to that one even more than Beautiful Midnight. I know that for several months, I not only put it on to listen to as I fell asleep, but also listened to it repeatedly as I whiled away my after-school hours on an emulated copy of Picross 2.

Over the years I’ve lost the vigor to keep up with new CD releases, so whenever I see a new Matthew Good album on store shelves, it’s like a tiny little Christmas for me. The two that really got my blood pumping though, were In A Coma and Live at Massey Hall. He actually did a tour to support In A Coma right after it’s release, but it was a bar show, and since I was afraid of bars at the time, I didn’t go.

In A Coma, by the way, is the gigantic 3-disc collection of not only his best work, but new material as well. The first disc is essentially the “greatest hits” disc, with a few new and unreleased songs thrown in for good measure. The second is part acoustic versions of old songs, part Loser Anthems (a limited edition EP), and half B-sides. The last disc is a DVD filled with music videos (with commentary), and some behind-the-scenes stuff. It’s essentially the physical manifestation of a wet dream for me.

Live at Massey Hall is exactly what it sounds like, and the reason I’m so excited to actually go to a show. I listened to both discs of that album every day that I got a chance for at least a month and still make time to listen to it on the long trips to and from work. So yeah, I’m pretty pumped. I thought new Zelda was going to be the event of the year for me, but I think it’s been topped. If the show is anywhere near as wonderful as the live album, I guarantee that I’ll be walking on air for weeks afterward.

So yeah, just wanted to share that. November 7th can’t come fast enough. </fanboy raving>

UPDATE – I just got an email from Chapters that’s going to make Novemeber even better. Way, way back in May or June or something I pre-ordered the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Ultimate Collection Volume 1 as a birthday present for myself (as it was due to release mid-September), which is a collection of the first seven original TMNT comics, plus a bonus Raphael issue. But then, less than a month before the shipping date,  I got an email saying it was delayed to January 2012. Sucktastic. Today’s email however, says it has been un-delayed to November 22! Hooray!

I’ve never been really into comics, but I’ve always wanted to read through the original TMNT series. Even if they never produce another one of these, I’ll be glad to have the first few. While searching for that image, I found out that Kevin Eastman headed up a new TMNT comic series in August (issue #1 promptly sold out), and that Nickelodeon is producing a new animated series next year. Oh, 2012 is going to be a good year. New Turtles cartoon, new Nintendo console, end of the world. I feel like I’ve forgotten something important though…

Let’s Play Minecraft – Day Four

The rasping at the door was slow. It didn’t follow any rhythm. Sometimes a knock would drag; the scraping sound made all the hairs on my body stand up straight. But that was nothing compared to the moaning. The slow, hollow cry of a creature in longing. It was terrifying, and it wasn’t going away. The combined sounds of inhuman hands banging on my door and the mournful call of whatever beast stood on the other side of it roused me sometime during the night. The sky was still a twinkling canopy of black, but the beauty of the night sky was the last thing on my mind.

The thing at the door stayed there, restless, for a period of time that I couldn’t keep track of. At first I thought that waiting for it to go away was the best course of action; after lying there for a while, hopelessly trying to ignore the moaning, I realized that it wasn’t going to work that way. I’d have to deal with this. I was about to open the door when I realized how stupid I was being. This wasn’t a creeper, but who knew what other kinds of beasts roamed these isles at night? Maybe it was just annoying and not dangerous. But then again, maybe it was above creepers on the food chain. And I was terrified to think of what kind of monster would hunt those terrible things.

I headed over to my workbench, and fashioned a wooden sword. It wasn’t much, but it would have been dangerous to go alone.

Peering out the small peephole in the door, I could see a fairly humanoid shape on the other side. It was a noticeably lethargic creature, its movements lazy and uncoordinated. I was beginning to feel like this wasn’t as bad as I’d feared. I still couldn’t make out exactly what it was though, as the overhang above the door cast a shadow that the starlight couldn’t hope to penetrate.

I unhinged the door, and started to pull it open. This lit a fire in the creature; it ceased its moaning and clawing, and lunged at me with a ferocious groan. The amnesia hadn’t affected my reflexes though, and I instinctively jabbed my flimsy sword at the creature. It connected with the thing’s throat, not enough to piece its flesh, but the blow knocked it back a bit. The stun was very temporary and it attacked again, its claws ready to tear into me. I evaded again, sidestepping to my left, and smashed the creature’s spine with the hilt of my sword as it toppled past me. The wooden sword certainly wasn’t sharp enough to sever any part of this creature: I’d have to find another way to score a killing blow.

The creature was a shade of a man. It was even clothed like one, though it’s garments were torn and soiled to the point where they could barely be thought of as clothing. It had the same physical shape as an average human, but the devil’s in the details. And these details were more than slight. The thing’s skin was a strange shade of green, maybe even the same as the creeper’s, but it was too hard to say for sure in the dark. It seemed similar to human skin, but at an advanced stage of decay. It almost looked as though it would easily peel off. Its eyes were devoid of life, looking at me and right through me at the same time. I suppose this is what you’d call a “zombie.”

While the beast could make sudden lunges in an attempt to clobber me, it was still quite slow otherwise, and I was easily able to take control of the situation once I’d focused. Basically useless as a cutting tool, I used my sword as a means to keep the zombie’s filthy hands away from me. I gave it a smack to the side of the head. The blow left only a small bruised patch, proving that while the skin looked dead and fragile, it was actually quite hardy. I circled behind it again and kicked it in the lower back, causing it to fall on its face. The thing didn’t even try to break it fall, and smashed to the ground with a thud. Recognizing my opportunity, I leapt up and brought my foot down on the back of the zombie’s neck, which simultaneously created a very satisfying crack and a sickly noise that I can only describe as a “splorch.” Movement ceased, and the zombie slowly faded into the dirt.

The zombie carried with it an awful smell, very similar to that of the rotten meat I’d found the other day. Of course, that’s probably where the meat had come from the first place. The only parts of this problem left to solve were why the possible zombie had been on fire, and where they were coming from.

Stepping out of the dwelling into some slightly fresher air, things got worse again when an arrow flew no less than a few millimeters in front of my face. I quickly hopped back into the doorway and peered around to see my attacker. This time, it was clear right away what was trying to murder me, but I was no less shocked to see that it was a skeleton that had shot an arrow at me. At this point, I was ready to start trying to convince myself that this was all a dream. Almost as if something wanted me to know that I was not dreaming, I felt a blot of pain shoot up from my leg. In my panic, I hadn’t quite completely hidden behind the wall, and my exposed leg was now home to a rather dull arrowhead. The pain was intense, but I was a little relieved that the arrow had only dug into my leg just enough that it wasn’t going to come out without a bit of coaxing. You’ve just gotta try to look on the bright side sometimes.

A skeleton, of all things. Really?

This monster wasn’t playing around. I could hear it advancing on me and I decided to take the initiative, bolting out from my hiding spot, hearing the thwip of the skeleton trying to peg me. I turned and zig-zagged at it. The shot that pierced my leg must have been a lucky one, as the skeleton had more than enough trouble leading his shots to give me an opening. I swung my sword upwards and the pile of bones collapsed in front of me. I took a breath and heard two thuds, one heavier than the other. Must have knocked the jawbone clean off, too.

A couple small bones remained while the rest flaked away in the wind, and I was happy to collect a few stray arrows as well. Too bad its bow and quiver had vanished along with the rest of it.

I limped back to my hut. Though it was only lasted a minute, the extra pressure of the battle with the skeleton had intensified the pain in my shin. It certainly got worse before it got better, but I was glad to be free of the extra bit of wood and stone. I wound a small length of cloth around the wound, and sunk into a corner. Hopefully the worst of the night was over.

More eerie sounds flowed in through my skylight before I my eyelids settled, but they remained distant, and I figured it would be best not to investigate further.

In the morning, I took what seeds I had left down to the edge of the water and tilled a little land to plant them in. My bread supply was almost out, and I didn’t feel like heading out to Home Base every time I needed to stock up.

I spent the majority of the afternoon basking in the sun, staying off of my injured leg as much as I could. The wound was uncomfortably deep but wasn’t very wide, so the bleeding had stopped overnight; moving around on it too much would inevitably open it up again, so I decided it would be my day off. Survival could wait until tomorrow, right? I dreamed of places I might find, islands that offered more than lonely trees and night terrors. I also got to thinking about a way to move faster between islands. Surely I’d be much better off if I constructed a raft or a boat. Swimming between islands with a bum leg was going to be worse than ever.

Having absolutely nothing to do but roll around in the grass makes one restless, and I eventually decided that I’d spend the evening of my day off building a boat. My wood supply had run out though, so it looked like I’d have to head back to Home Base anyway. The swim to Tree Island was as painful as I’d anticipated, and I didn’t envy myself the return trip.

The saplings on Home Base were out to get me that day, as only one had grown into a rather small tree. It alone would barely provide enough wood for a boat. Recalling how I managed to insta-grow the wheat though, I mashed up the bones I’d won in the wee hours and scattered the bone meal around the sapling. Almost instantaneously, I was looking at a tree of massive proportions, certainly the largest I’d seen on the islands. Feeling that it would be more than enough for the time being, I knocked down the two trees and collected the wood and new saplings that sprung from them. Leaving the planted saplings to grow on their own time, I began the long journey back to Hope.

I planted all my new saplings on a level plane of the island next to my hut. If I didn’t find something better once I was able to travel by boat, at least I’d have a healthy supply of wood waiting at home for me. I laid out among the little trees, exhausted and in great pain from my trip back and forth across the islands. Once the sun began to set, I knew it was time to get back to work. It was only a matter of hours before monster time.


I managed to get the boat finished up by the time night fell. It was a cold night, too, so I made a short trip outside to collect some stone that I formed into a sort of poor-man’s furnace. I figured that while I had no proper fire-starting materials, I could rub a couple sticks together to spark up a source of heat. I failed, and huddled back into my corner for the night.

I could already hear the cries of the beasts outside.

Lucky as the wheat grass grows

I’d like to think that the world would be a better place if nerdcore supplanted whatever garbage hip-hop they play on the radio these days, but Average Joe just doesn’t want to hop on the bandwagon. I don’t understand how people, especially nerdy people, can not be into nerdcore. It’s quite often smart and funny, and covers so many more themes than club-approved rap, which is always the same dumb thing. But whatever; different strokes I suppose. Me, I love the stuff. (Duh.)

I just bought Beefy’s With Sprinkles on iTunes, after much deliberation. I’ve heard him feature in a couple MC Frontalot tracks, but was wary of paying money for an album from an unproven artist. A new Frontalot album I’d slap down the cash for without a second thought, but a rapper I’d never even heard one song from? The previews seemed pretty rad though, and at $10 it wouldn’t be a huge loss. Personally, I feel there wasn’t a cent misspent.

Beefy’s a pretty competent rapper, but what I really like here is that he’s not such a computer geek, and focuses more on video games and comics. This is great, because I always get lost in the more technology-oriented songs. “Zero Day” is up there on my list of favourite Frontalot songs, but I feel stupid when I listen to it because I don’t get it. I had to read a lot of Wikipedia pages to even grasp the basic theme of the song. Yeah, maybe it comes with the added bonus of learning, but I like when people write songs that I can easily relate to or understand, like Beefy’s “Game Store Girl” or “Sidekick”. Also he makes a referenece to Zack & Wiki, which is so many kinds of awesome.

As much as I just want to sit here all day typing about how much I like Beefy and nerdcore in general, but there’s a point to make! Like every rule, there are exceptions to this, but in general I am not a fan of music sampling. Seriously, I know rappers are generally talentless hacks, but they could get their producer to write up a shitty six-second looping beat instead of appropriating someone else’s music for their (usually) inferior song. Mostly I just hate hearing music I like cut and pasted into some garbage rap.

Beefy is the exception here. I don’t know how many of the songs on With Sprinkles use samples, but there are at least a few I recognise; most notably “Duh-nuh Nuh-nuh Nuh-nuh” and “One of These Nights.” But the real stand out here is “Uncanny” which samples the theme from the ’90s X-Men cartoon. Not only is it great to hear the tune, which I hadn’t expected at all, but the whole song is about getting up on Saturday morning to watch X-Men on FOX Kids.

This song is pure nostalgia, and it is me. When I was nine? Hells yeah I was up early on Saturday watching X-Men (and Spider-Man, and Ninja Turtles, and Mega Man, and Samurai Pizza Cats, etc etc). I even had the whole box of cereal in a giant mixing bowl thing going on. And I know many other people who did the same. It’s a wonderful, happy song that really brings on the warm fuzzies. And the X-Men theme is here for a reason. It’s not there because Beefy was too lazy or talentless to write his own music, or at least have some written for him. It’s there to enhance the experience of the song. The X-Men theme is to “Uncanny” as mutant healing factor is to Wolverine: it’s not really a defining feature, but it’s certainly cool and the song/character wouldn’t be the same without it.

While the song makes me feel all good inside, it does have a sneaky, unpleasant facet that is inherent in many things that invoke nostalgia: it makes you realize that stuff just isn’t as good as it used to be. Listening to “Uncanny” makes me think about why I don’t still get up early in Saturdays (that I don’t have to work) and watch cartoons all morning. The long and short of it is that there just aren’t very many really good cartoons on these days. Ben 10 is easily the best superhero cartoon produced in years. Batman: The Brave and the Bold seemed like a charming throwback at first, but then he travelled back in time to help Sherlock Holmes beat a ghost? I know comic book plots can get even more ridiculous than that, but sullying the good name of Sherlock Holmes is unforgivable. Johnny Test is fun in the same way that Dexter’s Laboratory and Johnny Bravo were, but wears thin pretty quickly. Pretty much everything else ranges from. Don’t even get me stated on the stupid My Little Pony craze.

I don’t even know if FOX still airs a cartoon block on Saturday mornings. When they rebranded it as the FOXBox,it started off pretty rad, with shows like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reboot, Kirby, Shaman King, and Ultimate Muscle. Last time I checked in though (which was many years ago), it had been all but taken over by girl shows like Winx Club and Bratz. Apparently at some point they ran the Biker Mice From Mars reboot, which I’m very sad to have missed.

So yeah. Kinda got off-track there. To summarize: Beefy = good. Sampling = usually bad. Biker Mice From Mars = awesome.

Rocking Bands

Have I spent enough time talking about music lately? According to the posts filed under the “music” category, no, I have not.  I loves me some WordPress magic.

I’ve been playing a lot more Rock Band over the last two months than I’d been since Guitar Hero: Warriors of Rock came out (Don’t worry, I prefer RB to GH overall, but that’s another post entirely) and I’ve recently tried out a few songs that came with that free pack of 20 songs that you could download with a code from RB2. Until now I’ve ignored all of those songs but the one by Shaimus (“Tie You Down” I think?), because I’d never even heard of any of the other bands and I heart Shaimus. But now I’ve played a few thanks to the Mystery Setlists, and I was surprised at how much I liked a couple of them. Other than this nice little surprise, I still hate the Mystery Setlists with a firey passion though.

The first song is “Forever” by In This Moment. Metal with a fairly strong female lead vocal? Sign me up! I listened to one of their albums (The Dream) afterward, and I was moderately impressed. Not Lacuna Coil impressed, but it’s certainly earned its place on my iPhone. It’s also worth mentioning that “Into the Light” is soooo sad.

The other song I really liked is “Ashes to Fire” by Ghost Hounds. And good luck finding anything at all relating to Ghost Hounds. I’m not a pirate for piracy’s sake, but I admit to illegally downloading albums before I buy them, just to make sure. Ghost Hounds, I could not find a torrent for, so I sucked it up and gave iTunes my $10. Best ten bucks I’ve spent this week.

Ghost Hounds are not a band you’d really expect me to like. But the secret is that overall, I enjoy funk/soul almost as much as punk or metal. Ghost Hounds are a little heavy on the guitars, but they’re still funkier than anything else in the RB music store. The best way I can describe them is a mash-up of Jimi Hendix, Colin James and Ray Charles. Perhaps with a smattering of Jonny Lang. Fantastic stuff, them Ghost Hounds.

I’m not sure why, but suddenly I’m overcome with an urge to go watch The Blues Brothers. Go figure.

Mirror, mirror, on the… everything.

I started up Master Quest mode in Ocarina of Time 3D the other day, and it threw me for a much bigger loop than I’d expected. I finished Master Quest on the Wind Waker pre-order bonus disc many years ago, but this is different still. In this version, the entire world is flipped around.

Actually, I can’t recall if the bonus disc Master Quest was flipped or not, but I certainly feel like I’d remember such a thing.

Anyway, I’d heard about the mirrored world before the game’s release, but shrugged it off as an insignificant change. After all, I never had any trouble adjusting to the mirrored courses in Mario Kart. Why would this be any different? Oh, maybe because I haven’t spent as much time with all the Mario Karts combined as I have with OoT. I’ll admit that in my old age I can’t remember where all the heart pieces or gold skulltulas are, but I have the maps and puzzles quite clearly committed to memory. The only game I know better is Super Mario 64, though not by much.

Anyway, playing the mirrored OoT is terribly unsettling. I can only describe the sensation as being like walking into your kitchen and finding that someone has exchanged the contents of every drawer and cupboard. It’s weird. Almost alien. It’s far more disorienting than I imagined, and it’s almost frightening that I constantly find myself getting lost in Kokiri Forest. I can’t imagine how much trouble I’m going to have navigating the Lost Woods and Gerudo Fortress.

Oddly, the Deku Tree’s flipped version didn’t make it any harder. Maybe there were so many other changes that my brain just interpereted it as an entirely new dungeon with some familiar scenery. Hopefully the rest of the dungeons go as smoothly.

On the flip side, it’s kind of nice to have a new challenge. Remixed dungeons are all well and good, but now the entire world has an air of freshness to it. Yeah, it’s just backwards, but I can’t just cruise around Hyrule on autopilot anymore. I actually have to put a bit of thought into which way I’m headed. Twice now, I’ve walked out of Castle Town and wondered where Kakariko Village went. And I’m sure it’ll happen several more times before I’m finished with the game.

In other Zelda news, the three extra stages in Four Swords: Anniversary Edition are so awesome. Grezzo needs to remake even more old Nintendo games. Or just re-release Four Swords Adventures with similar extras. As much as I like handheld Four Swords, the big screen version is just so much prettier. And has a little more variety.

Oh, I’m getting all excited about Zelda now. If there’s a surprise last-minute delay on Skyward Sword I might pop. Or play Wind Waker again. Know what? I should probably just do that anyway. It’s a crime that I’ve finished Twilight Princess more times than Wind Waker. Ramble, ramble, ramble…

Consequence

Two weekends ago, I sat down and I started archiving news posts from previous versions of TE. I was excited about WordPress and how it would make everything I’ve written look all neat and samey. Back in the day I thought it was neat to make every article stand out visually (for better or for worse…), but at this point I feel like the streamlined look is where it’s at.

I miss the creativity and colour of the old ways, but let’s face it: that made it look like it was done by a twelve-year-old, and I was totally sixteen when I started. Huge difference there.

Anyway, I’m looking through my archives for 2003 alone, and dreading how long it’s going to take to stick all that garbage in here. I know I could cut out the hundreds of stupid little posts saying that I fixed a typo or that I was maybe considering thinking about typing an article, but this is supposed to be a definitive work. And to that extent, I feel it must be complete.

And so bitch about the amount of work it’s going to take, I shall.

I suppose when I started, I was just thinking about how sparse 2008-2010 were as far as bloggeties go. It may have cooled off even earlier, I don’t really remember. I just know that I consistently felt bad that I was neglecting my $70-a-year webspace.

It’s just… when I look at all of those tiny posts that really don’t have anything to say, I wonder why. I considered posting all the updates of a month (for the Page of Death years) in a single post, but decided against it because “how bad could it be?” Once I get past the point where the updates are a single sentence, it probably won’t feel quite as much like a waste of time. That gets halfway into 2004 though, so I’ve got about a year and a half of tiny, worthless posts to re-post.

On the other hand, I feel like I’m really going to enjoy the bulk of the rest of it. Maybe my writing isn’t great, but at least I’ll get that wonderful nostalgic feeling. I fairly consistenly rummaging through old posts for old links or other stuff, so I’m kinda looking forward to going through it all again. It’s really the perfect excuse to read my entire archive without it feeling like a huge waste of time.

And yeah, that’s about all I need to complain about for today. Yeah, this post is mostly as useless as all those one-sentence ones I’m complaining about, but if a personal blog isn’t for whining about stupid things, what is it for?

Let’s Play Minecraft – Day Three

I woke up early on the third day, feeling refreshed and satisfied. I was still full from gorging myself on bread the night before. I rubbed my eyes and at up. The cave was cool, and the first hints of sunlight weren’t carrying any heat with them. It was comfortable, though. I stayed there for a while, reflecting on the trials of the two days before, and felt the accomplishment of surviving in such a barren environment lift the weight of dread from me. Today would be another trial, but I felt satisfaction in knowing that I would at least be able to sustain my life long enough to find… well, anything.

Given the situation I was in, I’d be overjoyed to find anything that wasn’t dirt or grass. Or trying to eat me. That was a big one too.

I got up a while later, my strength not yet completely renewed, but enough to get me moving about. I spent the dawn using dirt I’d excavated from the cave making a simple bridge from Home Base to Gemini. Another wonder of this land was that apparently gravity wasn’t too keen on keeping everything weighted down. Forming a dirt bridge over the bottomless (as far as I cared) ocean shouldn’t have been as easy as it was. It felt strange that the dirt wasn’t breaking away and sinking once I packed it out so far, but it stuck nicely. Even my weight didn’t cause it to collapse. I really haven’t got a clue why I keep questioning these physically impossible things when they’re making life considerably easier for me.

On the shores of Gemini, I discovered that sand did not pack as well as dirt. I tried welling some of it up to finish the end of the bridge, but it simply broke away from the earth and sank into the blackness of the ocean. Learning the rules of this place might take a few more days.

I was too busy to notice at first, but on the far end of Gemini, another figure had appeared! It was simply standing still, but burning steadily like the figure I’d seen the previous morning. The being once again toppled over and vanished without a trace, but this time I was within distance to hear a bone-chilling moan escape from the thing before it succumbed to the flame. Because this phenomenon was an almost perfect recreation of the event I’d witnessed the day before, I felt it was only logical to assume that I might find another arrow where the humanoid had stood. My expectations were subverted yet again when I found not an arrow, but chunks of meat laying about the grass.

The meat itself was nothing to celebrate, unfortunately. Even from a few yards away, I could see that it’s colour was not that of something that I should be eating. On a lucky chance, the wind was blowing east that day, and the meat’s foul aroma wasn’t able to overtake my olfactory sense until I was right on top of it. The flesh reeked, making very sure that I didn’t immediately stuff it down my gullet. Not that I was even considering downing uncooked meat at the time, but the stench cemented the fact that this was not going to make a tasty topping for my otherwise uninteresting bread. In hindsight I can’t explain exactly why I did it -maybe it was the compulsion to collect everything that could be even remotely useful- but I stuffed the funky fare into my pockets. Not the smartest thing I did that day, but not the dumbest either.

As it turned out, I wasn’t having a great day as far as being observant goes. The whole while I was entranced by the malodorous meat, there was a strange green shape bobbing up and down over the east ridge of the island. I didn’t notice it until I was right next to the thing. When I did finally see it, I fell over in fright.

The shape was not just a shape. In fact, it was a horrible green head. The creature was bouncing up and down at the side of the island, unable to get up the sheer face of the land. This was a boon to me, as the creature was definitely not looking to make friends. Unlike the oversized spider, this beast was well and truly a monster. It’s eyes were hollow, the deepest black you’ll ever see, and peered straight into your soul. The thing’s gaze was very nearly paralyzing, and the only reason I was not completely frozen in fear is that I realized that the monster was too stupid to move a few feet to its right and ascend the glacis of the beach. The monster continued bouncing hopelessly against the wall, its mouth agape but uttering nary a sound.

I closed in on the odd creature, despite my better judgement, to get a better look at my would-be assailant. It’s skin was a splotchy green, almost vomit coloured, and not textured much differently. It looked at though the creature was covered in some manner of boils, its flesh uneven and bulging all over. The thing was only slightly shorter than me, but it quickly became apparent why it could not climb over the small cliffside: the being was but a pillar of mass with four tiny legs protruding from the bottom. At this point I could tell that it wouldn’t be a threat from where it was, but its gaze never left me for a second, so I figured it would be prudent to try to “dismiss” my slow-witted stalker.

Carefully, I edged close enough to batter the thing, but before I could raise my fist, the thing began hissing strangely, almost like the sound of a fuse burning away. I backpedaled quickly, noticing that its skin had also started to bubble and glow. This monster was unlike anything I could recall, and I wasn’t sure how I should handle it. As I put distance between it and myself, the hissing stopped and its body returned to normal. I had no idea what to make of it, but I was sure that I’d need to extinguish it now. I quickly lunged at the monster, planting a fist right on its forehead. The blow knocked it back into the water, but the thing kept coming, still not displacing its gaze from me. I continued to wail on the thing, making sure to not get close long enough to activate its extra-creepy glowing state. Eventually, the beast hit the water and burst, leaving nothing but ripples in its wake.

I wasn’t sure what to think of this encounter, but it put the fright right back into me. If this was an example of the species’ common behaviors, these things were completely silent until they were essentially right next to you, and were laser-focused on doing whatever they do to their prey. Based on its actions and grotesque apprentice, I dubbed the vanquished monster “creeper.” I hoped it would be a long time before I saw another one.

Between the excitement and fear pulsing through my body, I had completely forgotten what my plan was for the day. Thinking back, I realized that I’d never really made an action plan beyond bridging the gap between Home Base and Gemini. Wary from the encounter, I trudged along to Tree Island, where I laid down in the grass and rested for a while, knowing that the swim to Hope wasn’t going to be much easier than the last time I made it.

Not starving certainly helped the trip, but my nerves were completely shot after the fight with the creeper. My arms and legs still felt wobbly after resting under the sun, and when I first jumped into the water, I sank a few feet before I could get my limbs to bring me to the surface. I pulled myself onto the shore and splayed out in the hot sand. I closed my eyes and focused my mind away from the ghastly creature.

The second attempt to swim to Hope went much better. Concentrating on the large island, I pulled myself across the water and collapsed on the beach. Being a genius, I’d forgotten to bring any bread with me this morning, and now when I reached for sustenance to renew my energy after the long swim, all I grasped was the awful meat.

Maybe it wasn’t as bad as it smelled. I took a bite out of the meat, and just about lost any bread that was still digesting in my stomach. The stuff didn’t taste as bad as it smelled, but not by much.

Polishing off the first hunk of the flesh, I decided that it was a really bad idea to keep eating the rotten substance, and hucked the other half into the ocean. Let the jellyfish deal with it. The jerks. I did feel a little more energetic now that there was something solid in my belly, but the sensation didn’t last long. Almost immediately my stomach cramped up and I fell over, curling up in agony. By some divine grace, the pain dissipated rather quickly, and I vowed never to eat any strange, smelly meat I found lying on an island ever again.

It wouldn’t be long before dusk approached, and I wasn’t exactly feeling up to going back out to Home Base. I picked up my hoe, tilled some soil by the western coast, and sowed what was left of my seeds. The plain bread now seemed like a delicacy in my mind. Looking out over the ocean, I spotted a considerably large mass of land off to the northeast, which didn’t seem any bigger than Hope, but it melted into the horizon, so I couldn’t tell how big it really was. All I knew is that it was a very long swim away, and that I was puzzled about how I didn’t notice it the day before. Chalk it up to hunger, I guess. To the east was a flat island that looked even more empty than the ones I’d been living on these last three days. This one was notably closer, and as such, even more mystifying in that I hadn’t seen it the previous day.

Feeling like things weren’t going to get better anytime soon, I began to excavate the northwest part of the island. I planned to build the dirt up into a small hut, so that I could leave the featureless Daisy Chain behind me, and operate from the much larger Hope. By the time I was done, the sun was partway into the ocean, and I was bushed. I’d set up a small workbench in my dirt fort, finding that my tools needed replacing fairly often. Apparently, wood is not the most durable material.

I left a small hole in the top of the hut, half worried that it would be my undoing if a wayward monster were to notice it. The hut itself was a good three meters tall, so I felt confident that unless there was a subspecies with wings, at least it was tall enough to repel creepers. The skylight did help to calm me though, as looking up at the stars as I drifted off to sleep was much nicer than the blackness of my den on Home Base.

Tomorrow, I promised myself, would be a better day.

On photos and blogging about them

I guess I’ve been photoblogging more than usual lately. Kind of offsets that couple of weeks there where I just put up solid walls of text with nary an image to accompany them. Kind of.

Truth be told, I just have a buttload (a term I’ve been using way too often lately) of random images sitting on my desktop and phone that I needed to do something with. So there are more to come! I spent almost no time at my home last week, and I don’t know how much I’ll be there in the days to come, but there will be another onslaught of photobloggery sometime in the future.

I’m also trying to get Stephanie set up on here so that she can join in the fun. I sold her on the photoblogging idea, given that she just loves to take pictures. So that’s going to happen too. Get ready for the picturepocalypse.