Here, have some Mario Kart 8 videos

Despite my apathy toward it, Wifey convinced me to buy her Mario Kart 8. As it turns out, it’s really, really good. Also it has a built-in feature that lets you upload your race replays directly to YouTube. I wanted to put up full replays, but my internet is so damned slow that even the default 30-second highlight reels take 40+ minutes to upload. So I won’t really be using this feature for now.

That said, here are highlights of my first runs through all of the Mushroom Cup courses. They’re… I don’t know, maybe mildly interesting at best.

Monthend Video Game Wrap-Up: May 2014

May came in like a lion and… well, it was pretty heavy on games I wanted to play throughout. A stark contrast to an April that saw almost no new games and gave me ample time to work on my enormous backlog. Luckily, most of May’s releases were cheap Virtual Console Mega Man games, so I didn’t have to choose between video games or paying the bills.

But yeah, May 1st saw one of the best eShop updates in a long time, and then the new Kirby and Mario Golf came out on the second. Also there was that massive Humble Store spring sale. Needless to say, I’ve been keeping very busy, which is great because the wait for Smash Bros would be killing me if my 3DS (and PC, I guess) weren’t so jam packed with games I want to play.

~ Now Playing ~

Mario Golf: World Tour (3DS) – I never got into Mario Golf on N64, but I played the stuffing out of the GameCube entry. I waited very impatiently through several delays for this one, and it was so worth it. The Castle Club “story” mode is a bit confusing and overcomplicated, but a free play mode exists, so ignoring that business is pretty easy.

Continue reading Monthend Video Game Wrap-Up: May 2014

Filler time: Articles for grown-ups

It’s no secret to anyone who knows me: I’m a child living an adult’s life. I appreciate a lot of things that people my age aren’t supposed to, if advertising and demographics have anything to say about it. Marketing is all a big load of crap, anyway.

I guess the point is that I don’t have any ideas in my head at the moment, and I don’t have the gumption to type up the weekly Dark Souls entry. Wait, no, that’s what I wasn’t supposed to say. I’m supposed to make it seem like I’m doing something inspired.

Anyway, I type about a lot of goofy things that are emblematic of childhood. Cartoons, Nintendo games, candy. If you scroll up from the bottom of the article list, you’ll see that it takes a long time to get to anything very grown-uppy. Or at least, that’s my interpretation of it. So that’s why today, I’m going to link you to a small selection of old articles that stand out as somewhat more mature among the sea of childish crap that I’ve written.

28 Days Later (2003) – The first movie I ever reviewed, and it’s a scaaary one. Probably because it’s one of the first (if not the actual first) movies with fast zombies. So it turns a kind of slow, tense staple into something much more fierce and immediately frightening. Please note that I have not watched this movie since then.

Catherine (2011) – Undoubtedly a truly mature game, as it deals with many very grown-up themes. Also there are boobies and monsters, but the heart of the game is literally about growing up, accepting responsibility, and figuring out what you want to do with your life.

Chicken Wings (2005) – Chicken wings are undoubtedly a fun finger food, which is pretty child-like, However, wings are most prominent where? Bars, that’s where. Kids don’t go to bars. They’re also one of the staple foods of sports-watching, or so I’ve been told, and sports-watching is a pretty grown-up kind of thing.

Mate1.com Hates You (2006) – To date, still the most popular thing I’ve ever published, if fan e-mails are anything to go by. Mate1.com, if you’re not already aware, is an online dating website. Those are most definitely not for children. It’s not really for anybody, as far as this article is concerned.

Remembering the Cottage (2007) – Yeah, it’s an article entirely about childhood memories, but that in and of itself makes it kinda grown-up, right? I mean, kids don’t reminisce. You have to be old and at least a little world-weary before you really understand nostalgia. Some might say that I’m not old enough to say something like that, but I respectfully have no comment.

True Crime: Streets of LA (2003) – The first video game that I wrote about that earned an M rating from the ESRB. I guess that’s all I really have to say about that. I haven’t written about a lot of games that feature non-laser guns.

Year of N64 – May: Quest 64

Here’s the thing. I didn’t read much in the way of games journalism back in 1998. I read Nintendo Power. Sometimes I may have seen an article or preview in a friend’s EGM or something, but the internet was still new to me. All I knew is was a place where you could find cheats and FAQs for video games, outrageous Flash cartoons on Newgrounds, and pictures of naked ladies. I didn’t really know about message boards. I didn’t read online reviews.

I know Quest 64 has a bad reputation, and I’ve read bits and pieces about it over the years. But really, the most I can tell you about why people dislike it is simply speculation, because I wasn’t there when it happened, and I might be the only person in the world who has written a retrospecitve on friggin’ Quest 64.

Continue reading Year of N64 – May: Quest 64

Dark Souls: Spooky

Previously on Dark Souls: Morgan descended into the Catacombs, where necromancers and traps aplenty waited for her. Also a titanite demon ruined her day over and over again.

I made my way back down from the Catacombs’ bonfire to the mausoleum where the titanite demon lurked. Ignoring the statuesque monster, I made a quick right turn into the small room revealed by a broken wall. Upon stepping into the empty room, though, the weak floor collapsed and I fell into another dark room below.

Before I realized what had happened, I felt the sting of a blade tearing across my back. I was thrown forward by the blow, and summoning up what little strength I had left, I turned to face my attacker. A black knight towered above me, and between the impact of the fall and his first strike, I was too weak to do anything as he brought down his weapon to finish the job. You Died.

The second time in the room with the crumbly floor, I took things a little slower. I couldn’t find anything interesting, so I peered into the hole I’d made previously to see if I could get the drop on the black knight. I couldn’t see him, so I carefully hopped down into the room below. This time, it was curiously empty. I kept my guard up.

Given the time to assess my situation, I was able to notice this time that one of the walls in this room was missing, leading into the bottom of the giant chasm that made up the central feature of the Catacombs. It was covered in bones and gore from one end to the other, with a shallow stream running down the middle. I could make out a bunch of weird creatures moving about in the distance.  I let an arrow loose in their direction, which got their attention pretty handily.

The odd monsters turned out to be skeleton wheels. They were much like normal skeletons, but with a massive, spiked, wooden wheel fused to them. The skeletons rode around on these wheels at an alarming speed, so I stood on the edge of the room and lobbed fireballs at them when they got close until they were all dead.

Exploring the chasm floor slowly and quietly, I found a fog wall on the opposite end, which I elected to ignore for the moment. On a nearby ledge, I could see a corpse dangling just out of reach, with the telltale glimmer of an item to be pilfered. It didn’t look like there was any way up there, so I’d have to have a look around at the higher levels to see if maybe there was a way down.

As I bumbled around in the mess of bones, I could hear a faint “tink tink tink” coming from somewhere nearby, but I wasn’t able to locate the source of the noise. Whether that was for better or for worse, I had no idea.

I rounded a corner that led into a narrow passage, and out of nowhere came that black knight who accosted me before. I fought with all my courage and strength, but the black knights are tough customers. It certainly didn’t help that he got an easy free strike by surprising me. You Died.

Heading back to the bottom, I decided this time to just clear out the skeleton wheels the normal way – with my axe. That didn’t go so well. You might not imagine that a pile of bones attached to an oversized wagon wheel would be so dangerous, but they are! They’re fast and hit like a truck. You Died.

Before entering the titanite demon’s mausoleum, I peered down into the chasm. It was too dark to make out anything from than height, but I could barely make out a small ledge quite a ways below me. I wasn’t going to try making such a long leap, but one of those damned exploding skulls had somehow avoided my blade, and spooked me from behind, sending me tumbling down into the darkness.

I landed on the ledge below with a sickening thud. Getting up slowly and having a look around, I saw that the small ledge with the corpse that I’d spied earlier was just a short hop down from the ledge I’d landed on. I climbed down and gathered a mace and some equipment that would better fit a priest. A summoning sign also made its home on this ledge, so I made use of it and called up a phantom named Paladin Leeroy.

Leeroy immediately jumped down and started tearing apart the skeletons wheels. With such a capable ally, I figured now would be a good time to see what was on the other side of that fog wall.

We passed through and jumped down into a small chamber than looked like some sort of experimentation room. It was covered in skeletons, and at the far end was a robe-covered figure hunched over an altar of some sort. The figure turned around, revealing a collection of three masks where its face should have been. Six lanterns on sticks sprouted from its back like spindly arms. The monster cast a spell and suddenly two copies of it appeared from out of thin air.

Leeroy ran at the monster with a fierce battle cry, while I desperately tried to fend off one of the copies. All at once though, the copies vanished and I turned to watch the monster wail in defeat and crumple to the ground. Leeroy looked proud of himself for besting it so quickly as he disappeared in a flash of light, as phantoms do.

I investigated the now lonely room and found a small tome on the altar called the “Rite of Kindling.” In it, I learned that I could kindle a bonfire up to three times, which would fill my Estus Flask with 20 charges as opposed to the basic 5. This would be my most valuable discovery yet.

Tune in next week for Part 24: Killer Forest

To Read an E

I got this thing the other day. But I suppose that isn’t the beginning of the story…

koboarc7

I’ve been buying Humble Bundles here and there, and since I’m very interested in the promos, I’ve agreed to let them send me emails about new Bundles and other related stuff. It was a couple months ago that I got an ad for Story Bundle, which is a similar idea, but they sell bunched of e-books instead of video games.

Anyway, the Story Bundle advertised was the third bundle of video game-related books. I wasn’t too interested, even though it included the entire run of Ray Barnholt’s Scroll magazine, which I really wanted, but would rather have the actual magaznies than epubs of. However, one word caught my eye and convinced me to drop the twelve bucks or whatever: Earthbound.

Yep, they sold me with a book about Earthbound. How was I supposed to resist that? You can present me with basically any piece about Earthbound and I’d gleefully read it. I just love the way that everybody seems to have a different story to tell about it. Anyway, I read that book right away on my phone, since I didn’t really have a choice in the matter. It was a painful experience, trying to read a novel on such a tiny screen. It was then that I decided it was finally time to pick up an eReader.

I kind of forgot about that mission for a while though.

Last weekend, the wife and I were killing some time in Chapters before a movie, and I noted that there was a big kiosk covered in eReaders. We talked about it and looked at them for a while, and decided to think about it and make our decision after looking around the rest of the store. I hung out in the comics section while she browsed, and when we reconvened, we selected the Kobo Arc 7HD.

This, I should note, is not really an eReader. It’s a straight-up tablet that’s very transparently masquerading as an eReader. See, I originally wanted to go cheap, but then we decided we wanted a colour screen, and from there it wasn’t a much more expensive leap to this bad girl. She was on sale too, so if there was ever a time to make a spontaneous technology purchase, that was it.

I never really wanted a tablet, but I couldn’t be happier with my purchase. I’m still not very familiar with the Android OS, but I’m getting there, and it’s been fun to learn how to use a new device. I’ve discovered that I really love reading on it, which I didn’t think I would. I love the feel and smell of a book, but the tablet is just so comfortable and light. I really had no idea how little I would miss flipping pages.

It’s also become my second favourite way to browse the internet. It loses out to the Wii U gamepad because I prefer browsing with a stylus to a finger, but it’s certainly more convenient, since the startup time is quite literally two seconds.

The only thing I dislike about this tablet is that it doesn’t have an SD card slot. Not that that’s really a huge issue, because I’ve been living with an iPhone for four and a half years now, but I may have shopped around a little more if I’d even thought about that beforehand. Also, I bought the thing to read books, not for games or music or movies. Sure, it can do those things, but I don’t see myself using it for them often, if at all.

Picross e4 – Digital Crack

picross-e4

I don’t know how closely you’ve been following this series of articles, but near the end of the last one, I suggested that I would like it if picross puzzles always came in Mega flavour from then on.

I didn’t get my wish, but Picross e4 found it appropriate to place a very significant amount of its puzzles into the Mega category, so I’m pretty happy about that. But I’m getting ahead of myself here. Let’s take a few steps back and start at the start.

Picross e4 is just another game in the Picross e series. It doesn’t redefine the formula, add any spectacle, or try to pull off any other kind of dramatic thing. If you’ve played any one of the three previous games, you know what to expect as far as the general feel goes.

Continue reading Picross e4 – Digital Crack

Cadbury Creme Egg Biscuits

The Easter season is long since over, but I still have some things to say about it!

I still have one thing to say about it.

It’s not even really about Easter, per se, but more about a thing that only showed up when Easter rolled around. And that thing is Cadbury Creme Eggs… biscuits.

ccebisc01

Yes, that’s right. Cadbury went ahead and crammed down the essence of their Number One Treat into little cookie shapes. This might seem like a step in the wrong direction, as half the fun of Creme Eggs are biting into the chocolate shell and then letting the goopy insides ooze out. But let’s not jump to conclusions, shall we?

It says that these kajiggers are new on the package, and I’ve certainly never seen them before. I’m going to take it ad face value and assume that 2014 is the first year that these have existed. I’m so lazy confident that I’m not even going to do a Google search to verify it.

ccebisc02

The package is very similar in size to that of standard Reese Peanut Butter Cups, so I figured that there would be three biscuits held within. Turns out that there were actually six! The little guys are much thinner than you might expect, so there’s more of ’em crammed in there. Otherwise, they cut a pretty standard figure. If I had to compare them to anything, I’d say that they look like a squashed Viva Puff.

ccebisc03

Lo and behold, they are even more Viva Puff-esque on the inside! Yes, that’s right, there’s a cookie base in here. At first it seems like a blasphemous addition to the tried-and-true Creme Egg formula, but let me tell you a thing: …we need to set the scene here before I tell you.

Picture me. Sitting at a desk, talking across to you. I’m wearing a dress shirt that visibly has not been ironed in weeks, but isn’t too wrinkly because I hang it up as soon as the dryer cycle finishes. I have a stern look on my face. It contrasts significantly with my normally jovial demeanor; you know that whatever I’m about to say is very serious. I breathe in deeply. I look you square in the eye and your heart begins to beat a little faster. I pound my fist on the table to emphasize my point as I declare:

“These biscuits are Goddamned Delicious!”

WordPress is bad for me

I love WordPress and all, because it really facilitates managing this blog. Every post is sorted and categorized and easily searchable. Updating takes only as long as I need to write and do a quick once-over for typos (though maybe I should be doing two…) because I don’t have to worry about doing any of that HTML business anymore. It’s wonderfully easy.

Maybe even too easy.

See, I’ve noticed a trend in my blogging lately, and it’s not a good one. WordPress gives me the ability to write up a post and set a date for it to go live. So I just pop it in there and forget about it. Only, sometimes I schedule a post that I’m not quite done with. I intend to go back to it, but occasionally forget and then it shows up incomplete, and that’s just plain bad.

Only twice has an entry gone live with the body text unfinished, and I’m trying really hard to remember to set them as drafts when I’m not done writing. The problem there is that I have a rather massive amount of drafts piling up that I’ve all but abandoned. The sad truth is that these will likely never see the light of day.

The more common thing I do is write up the entirety a post and then leave any image-related work to a later date because while I do generally like the fruits of my labor, making banners and finding suitable images can be a pain in the butt. I could just as easily stop posting images along with the stuff I write, but I like to at least have something there to add a splash of colour and be more visually appealing than just black words on a white background.

All that said, I guess my point is just that I want to say sorry if you’ve been experiencing posts that are clearly still under construction. I’ll try to be less lazy from now on.