Jenga 2: Jenga Harder

Quite often Edwin and I will sit in his apartment and play Xbox 360 game demos for the duration of an evening. Retail release, XBLA, indie games, whatever. One night I noticed that he had Hasbro Family Game Night in his game library, and that it didn’t say “demo” or “trial” anywhere. So I booted it up.

As it turned out, Hasbro Family Game Night is free, but you only get about two and a half minutes to play any given game before you’re prompted to shell out about ten bucks to unlock the game. Buying them all is a terrible idea, since you can get the disc version with all the games for as low as $20 on eBay (Incidentally, that copy is being sold by a user named “pnpgames.” Hmmmm).

Anyway, after screwing around with the trial of Jenga for an entire evening, Edwin finally decided to bite the bullet and unlock the full version of Jenga. You actually get two Jenga games when you make the purchase, but that’s besides the point. We didn’t want to play Jenga. We were out to break Jenga.

Mr. Potato Head stands on the table next to your Jenga tower, oohing and aahing as you play. He’s kind of an ass, so I was very excited when I noticed that knocking the tower over in Potato’s direction would send him flying off the table. Our goal then was to knock him off repeatedly. It was fun, but wore out once we realized that if you jiggle the blocks around just so, you can cause physically impossible things to happen with the Jenga tower. After spending some time creating ca-razy configurations, we decided it was time to move the tower.

The physics in video game Jenga aren’t exactly how they should be, and you can manage to drag the tower along by moving blocks the right way. We set a goal of dragging the tower over to the potato, and then to pull it off the edge of the table. If you’re feeling generous, Edwin managed to accomplish both feats, and I have video evidence; behold the best Xbox Jenga related videos on YouTube! Or, one of them. I can’t figure out how to embed the playlist.

Okay, so maybe only one block fell off. But it still dropped off the table! I’ll note that I find it kind of amazing that the wonderful music I chose for the background ends just as the game does. Mmm, coincidence.

Also the Potato Head glitch was pretty cool. Guess QA didn’t really take much time to screw around with the game. Live and learn, guys.

Pointless potential

So I’m mostly just doing a test here to see if I can post through my Wii. If you’re reading this, I totally can!

Proofreading from here is going to be a bitch though. The Wii’s tiny little text input window was totally not meant for this kind of work. So if you notice lots of little typos of the “jsut” and “anythign” variety, assume it’s a post written from the comfort of my bed. Which might make this worth it. Now unless I need to post an image, I have one less major reason to turn on my computer. Poor, neglected compy.

In related news, I’m on my third Wii console now. Not because I’m Nintendo’s bitch and keep buying each new colour or anything, but because Netflix is a horrible Wii murderer. Well, maybe it’s not Netflix, but all the evidence points to that conclusion. Let me start from the start.

Once upon a time, little Ryan was super excited that he got a message from Nintendo (via WiiConnect24, which is otherwise useless) that said he could now download a Netflix channel for his Wii. Little Ryan downloaded that channel with all the gusto, and immediately dove in. The first movie that queued up, completely by chance, was Confessions of a Nymphomaniac. Little Ryan felt a different kind of excitement and watched it. His love for Netflix bloomed instantly. Life would be wonderful from now on.
After watching more movies on the Netflix channel for hours, Ryan turned the Wii off and left to do other things for a while. He came back even later on, but when he turned on his Wii, it showed a horrible message:

“System memory has been corrupted.”

Little Ryan was devastated. His best friend had suffered from an apparent brain aneurysm, and he didn’t know what do to. The next day he turned on the Wii, just to see, and to his delight it worked! Little Ryan jumped for joy! For a while, everything seemed perfect, but then the Wii stopped working for real. It did not recover from the memory corruption, and had to be sent away to be replaced with a new console.

Little Ryan was depressed for the two long weeks his Wii was gone, but he was ecstatic when it returned, still loaded with all his Virtual Console and WiiWare purchases. Only while the license to download them was retained, they refused to play on the new console. Little Ryan set about re-downloading them all, painful a task though it was. At the end, he downloaded the Netflix channel again, and set about to watch him some River Monsters. Man, Little Ryan loved him some River Monsters.

Days and weeks went by uneventfully. Little Ryan and the Netflix channel were living happily together until one morning Ryan woke up and his Wii said

“System memory has been corrupted”

Little Ryan was devastated. Again. His Wii was dead again! But it pulled through the crisis, and Little Ryan continued to Netflix. Over the next few months the error came up again. At first it seemed to happen randomly, but as the fall set in, it started to happen every time Little Ryan tried to turn on his console. He eventually gave up and sent it in for repairs.

When Little Ryan received the second replacement Wii, he vowed to never download the Netflix channel again, because it was the devil. Four years, Little Ryan and his original console had spent together, and never had a problem. Now Little Ryan and his third Wii get along just fine, and there is no Netflix to be seen.

The End

So yeah. That’s what happened in a nutshell. The really sad part is that I loved the Netflix channel. Yes, Canadian Netflix lacks most of the AAA movies, but who cares? There’s so much on there to watch anyway! I felt like a kid in a candy store every single time I booted that channel up. I always found something to watch, and ended up watching tons of stuff that I’d have never even heard of without it. I owe Netflix a great deal, and I’m sad that I can no longer use it through my TV.

I do still subscribe to Netflix, and occasionally use it through my iPhone (mostly during workout time), though I’m a little skeptical about loading it up on my 3DS. Who knows what it’ll do? I’m certainly not signing up for Xbox Live Gold just for Netflix. One monthly fee is enough. I intend to find a cable that can make my iPhone do TV-out soon so that I can watch stuff on my TV, but it’s still not the same. The Netflix Wii interface was a little clunky, but it was nice. Better than the iPhone interface anyway. Oh well, those days have passed, and for now I live with Netflix being more a fond memory than anything else.

November reigns

Well sir, I’m gonna have to call it: November 2011 is going to be the best month ever. I’m sure that my wedding day will still be the best day of my life, but May is going to have to work really hard if it wants to compete for month.

Oh, and by the way, I’m basing this on the fact that the new Muppets movie is in theaters on November 23rd. Officially I’m very excited, but I also can’t help but wonder who opens a movie on a Wednesday? That’s just crazy. Nobody goes to the movies on a Wednesday. I’ll likely be too absorbed by Skyward Sword to remember to go right away anyway.

Anyway, The Muppets. I can’t imagine that it’s going to be a bad movie; the trailer alone is awesome. Especially that first one from a long time ago, where they faked you out into thinking it was a romantic comedy and then Kermit showed up. And it’s co-written by Jason Segel, which should be more than enough. If you watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall (and there’s no reason not to have), you’ll remember the Dracula puppet rock opera. I still wonder why that hasn’t been adapted into something bigger. That little five-minute scene is more than enough reason to sit through the whole rest of the movie. If you still can’t make the commitment, look up “A Taste for Love” on YouTube.

I don’t have a taste for musicals. Every time I watch a Disney movie and the characters stop what they’re doing to sing a song about how it’s awesome to be completely irresponsible (The Lion King) or how much they yearn for true love (anything with a princess), I get annoyed and wish I could skip to the next scene. Somehow, the Muppets always manage to get around it. I’m not sure why I’m so much more open to music on film when Muppets are involved, but I am. Maybe it’s because they do it so well. Head back on over to YouTube and poke around there for Muppets music video covers. There is tons of it, and for the most part, it’s all golden.

So now, really, the only way I can think of that could make November even better would be for there to be no snow. And/or for me to be able to find some time for (non-portable) video games. Things had been so good over the last few months, but in October I think I’ve logged maybe two hours in Darksiders. That’s it. 🙁

Lights of Ecstatic Species

November is going to be the bestestist month ever. Super Mario 3D Land and The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword come out a week apart from each other, and the latter comes bundled with a CD of the Zelda 25th anniversary symphony tour and a gold Wiimote. But besting even my insatiable lust for Nintendo games (and swag, and VGM), I’m going to see Matthew Good in concert.

If I had a bucket list, seeing Matthew Good live in concert would be damn near the top of my bucket list.

Van Halen might have been the first act I really liked, but Matthew Good was the first artist I ever truly got into. After getting Beautiful Midnight for a birthday or Christmas or something and listening to it every night for months, I was hooked. Napster hit the scene not long after, and I was able to listen to some of Matthew Good Band’s older tracks, but was constantly put out because I wasn’t able to find their previous album, Underdogs, no matter how hard I looked.

Back then I was still fairly green as far a music goes, and I was unsure about asking for the follow-up album, The Audio of Being, because I hadn’t heard any music from it (a trait I still have). I really wanted Underdogs, but I ended up getting The Audio of Being for Christmas in aught-one, and I may have listened to that one even more than Beautiful Midnight. I know that for several months, I not only put it on to listen to as I fell asleep, but also listened to it repeatedly as I whiled away my after-school hours on an emulated copy of Picross 2.

Over the years I’ve lost the vigor to keep up with new CD releases, so whenever I see a new Matthew Good album on store shelves, it’s like a tiny little Christmas for me. The two that really got my blood pumping though, were In A Coma and Live at Massey Hall. He actually did a tour to support In A Coma right after it’s release, but it was a bar show, and since I was afraid of bars at the time, I didn’t go.

In A Coma, by the way, is the gigantic 3-disc collection of not only his best work, but new material as well. The first disc is essentially the “greatest hits” disc, with a few new and unreleased songs thrown in for good measure. The second is part acoustic versions of old songs, part Loser Anthems (a limited edition EP), and half B-sides. The last disc is a DVD filled with music videos (with commentary), and some behind-the-scenes stuff. It’s essentially the physical manifestation of a wet dream for me.

Live at Massey Hall is exactly what it sounds like, and the reason I’m so excited to actually go to a show. I listened to both discs of that album every day that I got a chance for at least a month and still make time to listen to it on the long trips to and from work. So yeah, I’m pretty pumped. I thought new Zelda was going to be the event of the year for me, but I think it’s been topped. If the show is anywhere near as wonderful as the live album, I guarantee that I’ll be walking on air for weeks afterward.

So yeah, just wanted to share that. November 7th can’t come fast enough. </fanboy raving>

UPDATE – I just got an email from Chapters that’s going to make Novemeber even better. Way, way back in May or June or something I pre-ordered the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Ultimate Collection Volume 1 as a birthday present for myself (as it was due to release mid-September), which is a collection of the first seven original TMNT comics, plus a bonus Raphael issue. But then, less than a month before the shipping date,  I got an email saying it was delayed to January 2012. Sucktastic. Today’s email however, says it has been un-delayed to November 22! Hooray!

I’ve never been really into comics, but I’ve always wanted to read through the original TMNT series. Even if they never produce another one of these, I’ll be glad to have the first few. While searching for that image, I found out that Kevin Eastman headed up a new TMNT comic series in August (issue #1 promptly sold out), and that Nickelodeon is producing a new animated series next year. Oh, 2012 is going to be a good year. New Turtles cartoon, new Nintendo console, end of the world. I feel like I’ve forgotten something important though…

Let’s Play Minecraft – Day Four

The rasping at the door was slow. It didn’t follow any rhythm. Sometimes a knock would drag; the scraping sound made all the hairs on my body stand up straight. But that was nothing compared to the moaning. The slow, hollow cry of a creature in longing. It was terrifying, and it wasn’t going away. The combined sounds of inhuman hands banging on my door and the mournful call of whatever beast stood on the other side of it roused me sometime during the night. The sky was still a twinkling canopy of black, but the beauty of the night sky was the last thing on my mind.

The thing at the door stayed there, restless, for a period of time that I couldn’t keep track of. At first I thought that waiting for it to go away was the best course of action; after lying there for a while, hopelessly trying to ignore the moaning, I realized that it wasn’t going to work that way. I’d have to deal with this. I was about to open the door when I realized how stupid I was being. This wasn’t a creeper, but who knew what other kinds of beasts roamed these isles at night? Maybe it was just annoying and not dangerous. But then again, maybe it was above creepers on the food chain. And I was terrified to think of what kind of monster would hunt those terrible things.

I headed over to my workbench, and fashioned a wooden sword. It wasn’t much, but it would have been dangerous to go alone.

Peering out the small peephole in the door, I could see a fairly humanoid shape on the other side. It was a noticeably lethargic creature, its movements lazy and uncoordinated. I was beginning to feel like this wasn’t as bad as I’d feared. I still couldn’t make out exactly what it was though, as the overhang above the door cast a shadow that the starlight couldn’t hope to penetrate.

I unhinged the door, and started to pull it open. This lit a fire in the creature; it ceased its moaning and clawing, and lunged at me with a ferocious groan. The amnesia hadn’t affected my reflexes though, and I instinctively jabbed my flimsy sword at the creature. It connected with the thing’s throat, not enough to piece its flesh, but the blow knocked it back a bit. The stun was very temporary and it attacked again, its claws ready to tear into me. I evaded again, sidestepping to my left, and smashed the creature’s spine with the hilt of my sword as it toppled past me. The wooden sword certainly wasn’t sharp enough to sever any part of this creature: I’d have to find another way to score a killing blow.

The creature was a shade of a man. It was even clothed like one, though it’s garments were torn and soiled to the point where they could barely be thought of as clothing. It had the same physical shape as an average human, but the devil’s in the details. And these details were more than slight. The thing’s skin was a strange shade of green, maybe even the same as the creeper’s, but it was too hard to say for sure in the dark. It seemed similar to human skin, but at an advanced stage of decay. It almost looked as though it would easily peel off. Its eyes were devoid of life, looking at me and right through me at the same time. I suppose this is what you’d call a “zombie.”

While the beast could make sudden lunges in an attempt to clobber me, it was still quite slow otherwise, and I was easily able to take control of the situation once I’d focused. Basically useless as a cutting tool, I used my sword as a means to keep the zombie’s filthy hands away from me. I gave it a smack to the side of the head. The blow left only a small bruised patch, proving that while the skin looked dead and fragile, it was actually quite hardy. I circled behind it again and kicked it in the lower back, causing it to fall on its face. The thing didn’t even try to break it fall, and smashed to the ground with a thud. Recognizing my opportunity, I leapt up and brought my foot down on the back of the zombie’s neck, which simultaneously created a very satisfying crack and a sickly noise that I can only describe as a “splorch.” Movement ceased, and the zombie slowly faded into the dirt.

The zombie carried with it an awful smell, very similar to that of the rotten meat I’d found the other day. Of course, that’s probably where the meat had come from the first place. The only parts of this problem left to solve were why the possible zombie had been on fire, and where they were coming from.

Stepping out of the dwelling into some slightly fresher air, things got worse again when an arrow flew no less than a few millimeters in front of my face. I quickly hopped back into the doorway and peered around to see my attacker. This time, it was clear right away what was trying to murder me, but I was no less shocked to see that it was a skeleton that had shot an arrow at me. At this point, I was ready to start trying to convince myself that this was all a dream. Almost as if something wanted me to know that I was not dreaming, I felt a blot of pain shoot up from my leg. In my panic, I hadn’t quite completely hidden behind the wall, and my exposed leg was now home to a rather dull arrowhead. The pain was intense, but I was a little relieved that the arrow had only dug into my leg just enough that it wasn’t going to come out without a bit of coaxing. You’ve just gotta try to look on the bright side sometimes.

A skeleton, of all things. Really?

This monster wasn’t playing around. I could hear it advancing on me and I decided to take the initiative, bolting out from my hiding spot, hearing the thwip of the skeleton trying to peg me. I turned and zig-zagged at it. The shot that pierced my leg must have been a lucky one, as the skeleton had more than enough trouble leading his shots to give me an opening. I swung my sword upwards and the pile of bones collapsed in front of me. I took a breath and heard two thuds, one heavier than the other. Must have knocked the jawbone clean off, too.

A couple small bones remained while the rest flaked away in the wind, and I was happy to collect a few stray arrows as well. Too bad its bow and quiver had vanished along with the rest of it.

I limped back to my hut. Though it was only lasted a minute, the extra pressure of the battle with the skeleton had intensified the pain in my shin. It certainly got worse before it got better, but I was glad to be free of the extra bit of wood and stone. I wound a small length of cloth around the wound, and sunk into a corner. Hopefully the worst of the night was over.

More eerie sounds flowed in through my skylight before I my eyelids settled, but they remained distant, and I figured it would be best not to investigate further.

In the morning, I took what seeds I had left down to the edge of the water and tilled a little land to plant them in. My bread supply was almost out, and I didn’t feel like heading out to Home Base every time I needed to stock up.

I spent the majority of the afternoon basking in the sun, staying off of my injured leg as much as I could. The wound was uncomfortably deep but wasn’t very wide, so the bleeding had stopped overnight; moving around on it too much would inevitably open it up again, so I decided it would be my day off. Survival could wait until tomorrow, right? I dreamed of places I might find, islands that offered more than lonely trees and night terrors. I also got to thinking about a way to move faster between islands. Surely I’d be much better off if I constructed a raft or a boat. Swimming between islands with a bum leg was going to be worse than ever.

Having absolutely nothing to do but roll around in the grass makes one restless, and I eventually decided that I’d spend the evening of my day off building a boat. My wood supply had run out though, so it looked like I’d have to head back to Home Base anyway. The swim to Tree Island was as painful as I’d anticipated, and I didn’t envy myself the return trip.

The saplings on Home Base were out to get me that day, as only one had grown into a rather small tree. It alone would barely provide enough wood for a boat. Recalling how I managed to insta-grow the wheat though, I mashed up the bones I’d won in the wee hours and scattered the bone meal around the sapling. Almost instantaneously, I was looking at a tree of massive proportions, certainly the largest I’d seen on the islands. Feeling that it would be more than enough for the time being, I knocked down the two trees and collected the wood and new saplings that sprung from them. Leaving the planted saplings to grow on their own time, I began the long journey back to Hope.

I planted all my new saplings on a level plane of the island next to my hut. If I didn’t find something better once I was able to travel by boat, at least I’d have a healthy supply of wood waiting at home for me. I laid out among the little trees, exhausted and in great pain from my trip back and forth across the islands. Once the sun began to set, I knew it was time to get back to work. It was only a matter of hours before monster time.


I managed to get the boat finished up by the time night fell. It was a cold night, too, so I made a short trip outside to collect some stone that I formed into a sort of poor-man’s furnace. I figured that while I had no proper fire-starting materials, I could rub a couple sticks together to spark up a source of heat. I failed, and huddled back into my corner for the night.

I could already hear the cries of the beasts outside.

Rocking Bands

Have I spent enough time talking about music lately? According to the posts filed under the “music” category, no, I have not.  I loves me some WordPress magic.

I’ve been playing a lot more Rock Band over the last two months than I’d been since Guitar Hero: Warriors of Rock came out (Don’t worry, I prefer RB to GH overall, but that’s another post entirely) and I’ve recently tried out a few songs that came with that free pack of 20 songs that you could download with a code from RB2. Until now I’ve ignored all of those songs but the one by Shaimus (“Tie You Down” I think?), because I’d never even heard of any of the other bands and I heart Shaimus. But now I’ve played a few thanks to the Mystery Setlists, and I was surprised at how much I liked a couple of them. Other than this nice little surprise, I still hate the Mystery Setlists with a firey passion though.

The first song is “Forever” by In This Moment. Metal with a fairly strong female lead vocal? Sign me up! I listened to one of their albums (The Dream) afterward, and I was moderately impressed. Not Lacuna Coil impressed, but it’s certainly earned its place on my iPhone. It’s also worth mentioning that “Into the Light” is soooo sad.

The other song I really liked is “Ashes to Fire” by Ghost Hounds. And good luck finding anything at all relating to Ghost Hounds. I’m not a pirate for piracy’s sake, but I admit to illegally downloading albums before I buy them, just to make sure. Ghost Hounds, I could not find a torrent for, so I sucked it up and gave iTunes my $10. Best ten bucks I’ve spent this week.

Ghost Hounds are not a band you’d really expect me to like. But the secret is that overall, I enjoy funk/soul almost as much as punk or metal. Ghost Hounds are a little heavy on the guitars, but they’re still funkier than anything else in the RB music store. The best way I can describe them is a mash-up of Jimi Hendix, Colin James and Ray Charles. Perhaps with a smattering of Jonny Lang. Fantastic stuff, them Ghost Hounds.

I’m not sure why, but suddenly I’m overcome with an urge to go watch The Blues Brothers. Go figure.

Mirror, mirror, on the… everything.

I started up Master Quest mode in Ocarina of Time 3D the other day, and it threw me for a much bigger loop than I’d expected. I finished Master Quest on the Wind Waker pre-order bonus disc many years ago, but this is different still. In this version, the entire world is flipped around.

Actually, I can’t recall if the bonus disc Master Quest was flipped or not, but I certainly feel like I’d remember such a thing.

Anyway, I’d heard about the mirrored world before the game’s release, but shrugged it off as an insignificant change. After all, I never had any trouble adjusting to the mirrored courses in Mario Kart. Why would this be any different? Oh, maybe because I haven’t spent as much time with all the Mario Karts combined as I have with OoT. I’ll admit that in my old age I can’t remember where all the heart pieces or gold skulltulas are, but I have the maps and puzzles quite clearly committed to memory. The only game I know better is Super Mario 64, though not by much.

Anyway, playing the mirrored OoT is terribly unsettling. I can only describe the sensation as being like walking into your kitchen and finding that someone has exchanged the contents of every drawer and cupboard. It’s weird. Almost alien. It’s far more disorienting than I imagined, and it’s almost frightening that I constantly find myself getting lost in Kokiri Forest. I can’t imagine how much trouble I’m going to have navigating the Lost Woods and Gerudo Fortress.

Oddly, the Deku Tree’s flipped version didn’t make it any harder. Maybe there were so many other changes that my brain just interpereted it as an entirely new dungeon with some familiar scenery. Hopefully the rest of the dungeons go as smoothly.

On the flip side, it’s kind of nice to have a new challenge. Remixed dungeons are all well and good, but now the entire world has an air of freshness to it. Yeah, it’s just backwards, but I can’t just cruise around Hyrule on autopilot anymore. I actually have to put a bit of thought into which way I’m headed. Twice now, I’ve walked out of Castle Town and wondered where Kakariko Village went. And I’m sure it’ll happen several more times before I’m finished with the game.

In other Zelda news, the three extra stages in Four Swords: Anniversary Edition are so awesome. Grezzo needs to remake even more old Nintendo games. Or just re-release Four Swords Adventures with similar extras. As much as I like handheld Four Swords, the big screen version is just so much prettier. And has a little more variety.

Oh, I’m getting all excited about Zelda now. If there’s a surprise last-minute delay on Skyward Sword I might pop. Or play Wind Waker again. Know what? I should probably just do that anyway. It’s a crime that I’ve finished Twilight Princess more times than Wind Waker. Ramble, ramble, ramble…

Let’s Play Minecraft – Day Two

I awoke to the sun’s rays shining through the holes in my hastily built doors. It was already fairly high in the sky. The light was warm and comforting, a nice change from the chilly night air that I had an unusually easy time sleeping with. Maybe it was the lack of energy that kept me out for the duration of the night. Maybe it was just the hopelessness of my situation.

I rose from my corner of the floor and kicked open one of the doors so that I could bathe my entire body in the warm light. It was a new day, but my predicament stayed the same. The Daisy Chain didn’t seem to have grown any food sources overnight, but one of my saplings did bloom into a full tree. I was a bit taken aback by the fact that it had actually worked. Just a few hours ago it was small enough to cram in my pocket, and now it had grown into a tree at least three times the size of myself. Why the other trees hadn’t grown as well was equally as puzzling.

I knocked down the tree and replanted a new sapling in its place. At the very least, I’d have a consistent supply of wood for building tools and other objects. Maybe if I ended up stuck here long enough, I thought, I could upgrade my dirt cave into a wooden shack. Ah, how luxurious that would seem in this land of nothing!

Grabbing anything I felt might be useful, I started over to Gemini, but noticed that there was a figure flailing around on the larger island. More notably, it was aflame! The creature expired and the flames were extinguished before I was able to swim over, which left me more than a little put out. At the very least, I would have liked to capture a little of that fire to heat my den. Then I started to wonder what exactly the being was. And where it had come from. Why was it on fire? How did that even happen?

Questions kept charging into my head. If the being were aquatic and had come ashore from below the waves, why didn’t it jump back in when it lit on fire? Even if it were a land creature, why wouldn’t it have jumped in to extinguish the flame? The islands of the Daisy Chain were creating far more questions than I felt like finding the answers to. Something about the complete randomness of everything around here was very unsettling.

When I made it to shore, I noticed that there was an arrow laying in the grass where the creature vanished. Nothing else remained, which was even more unsettling. The grass around the area wasn’t so much as singed. What was going on here?

I grabbed the arrow and made haste. I was starting to feel like maybe I was in some sort of dream world, or a marionette dancing in the fantasy world of someone else. My hunger pangs were more than enough to convince me that I was real and that I would have to find something to eat, lest the curtains close on the strange puppet show that now was my life.

When I reached the easternmost point of Gemini, I noticed something that I had failed to the prior day. The ocean was disturbingly calm, and more or less silent. If one tried really hard, it was possible to hear the water making tiny splashes on the rocks. But here, my ears picked up on what sounded like running water. Looking around, I saw that there was a small area of water flowing towards the land, but where on Earth was it going? I walked up closer to the rushing water, and to my surprise, it was flowing into a hole! It was barely wide enough for me to fit inside, but the depths of the cave were draped in darkness so I dared not venture into that pit. All I could see inside was a small landing covered in sand, and the stream of water which continued down into the void.

I knew better than to be interested in exploring such a place. I decided that if I could find nothing else on the distant, unnamed isle that I spied the day before, I would make a point of venturing into the mysterious hole. It wasn’t the best Plan B, but at least it was something.

Tree Island looked mostly the same as it did when I discovered it, besides the fact that the tree it was named for no longer existed on it. The peculiar thing here is that I found a few bones and a feather lying in pile towards the north shore. The remains of yet another mystery creature? What exactly was going on here? Why does it seem that any other living things (flora notwithstanding) appear only during the night and are killed at daybreak? Is this even what’s happening? I collected the remains and looked out to the faraway island.

Losing myself in my thoughts, I almost didn’t notice the violent hissing that was approaching me from behind. Luckily, my assailant had trouble containing its excitement at finding prey and continued to hiss loudly, giving me more than enough warning to spin around and face it.

What I saw was a massive spider. While it was a squat little monster, if it stood vertically, it would easily match the size of an average man. The black and brown hairs on its torso and legs stood out like millions of little spines, probably in excitation of locating a meal. The spider lunged at me, but I socked it right in the center of its collection of beady little eyes. They were surprisingly small for a beast if its size, but they were a chilling shade of blood red. I ran toward the beast, planting another fist deep into its head. The blow sent the beast flying back, over the edge of the island. It didn’t take long for the massive arachnid to climb back up (the highest edge was only about three meters above sea level, at best), but I prepared my rickety wooden pickaxe for combat.

I let the spider lunge at me again, dodging its attack at the last moment, and countered with a swing of my pick. Despite the frailty of the tool, the spider’s skull was pierced and it collapsed on the ground, letting out one final hiss before the corpse up and simply popped like the squid from the day before. These creatures didn’t exactly pop, per se; there was no sound, and no spray of beast bittles. But their physical bodies just ceased being. In the spider’s place were a few strands of what I assumed was webbing, thick enough to use as a string, and not nearly as sticky as this kind of thing is supposed to be. I grabbed the strings, and contemplated the fact that in my quest for anything useful, I’d become quite the packrat.

After sitting a while to catch my breath and clam down a little, I figured that it was time to start the swim to the northern island. My stomach was rumbling louder and louder. I wasn’t sure how much more I’d be able to push my body before I collapsed from malnutrition.

Halfway across the waters between islands, I could see that the new land was easily bigger than all of the Daisy Chain would be if they were picked up and stack on top of each other. This is where I would find some sort of salvation.

When I made it to shore, I decided to call the island Hope, because it’s the only thing that had brought me any real hope at all up to this point. I was summarily disappointed when I found that despite its size, Hope was jsut as barren as the Daisy Chain. Hope was essentially a big right angle. The southern part was close to the water and was characterized by a small beach, a handful of flowers, and plenty of tall, unkempt grass. As I moved along the island, it slowly rose farther out of the water. The eastern side featured more of the bright yellow flowers that seemed to bloom wherever they liked, and another single tree. I summarily knocked down the tree and gathered the usual spoils.

Looking out to the north, I saw a tiny speck of land off in the distance. This was considerably father than Hope had been from Home Base even, and I doubted that I’d be able to make it there without aid. The rest of the horizon was simply blue leading into more blue, with the exception of the Daisy Chain, which now looked so small and pathetic in the distance. Hope was a lie, a fruitless gamble, and I wasn’t sure that I had enough stamina to swim back to Home Base, nevermind survive another day in the middle of this wretched ocean.

I did make it back home, and I shambled into my den, falling to the ground under the weight of my considerably weakened body. Life was over. There was no hope left for me. I let my mind empty and passed out.

I opened my eyes and saw only a dim orange left in the sky. Maybe, I thought, once night fell I would be treated to a quick death at the hands of one of those mystery creatures out for a snack. But I wasn’t entirely ready to give up. I went outside and started plucking at the tall grass. If livestock can survive on grass, why couldn’t I? Oh, right: dysentery. I began furiously tearing at the grass with the last of my remaining energy, cursing whatever force put me in this forsaken place. I wanted to live, dammit! I dropped to my knees, wishing to the sky that something would come to save me in my last hours. Looking back down, I noticed that small seeds had scattered around, most likely produced by my destruction of the grass.

Logic would denote that seeds that come from grass should produce more grass. But this place is different. I took a chance, the only chance I had to save my life, and put together a hoe from a few lengths of wood. I tilled a bit of the ground on the southern edge of the island, and planted the seeds there. Deciding that calcium would make for great fertilizer, I mashed up the bones I was carrying around and spread the shards about my tiny farmland. I cannot fathom how it happened, but stalks of wheat grew right before my eyes.

I quickly gathered up the wheat and took it into my den. Through a process that I will refer to as “magic,” I transformed the wheat into delicious, edible bread. It wasn’t actually delicious, but given the fact that it was all I’d eaten in the last two days, I was incredibly satisfied. It also wasn’t actually magic that made the wheat become bread, but we all know how that happens, so I won’t bother to detail the process.

So that was that. On an eleventh-hour gamble, I somehow managed to harness the totally illogical nature of this place to create sustenance for myself and survive another day. At this point, I could easily call Home Base my new home, and just stay here for the rest of my days, but where’s the fun in that?

I laid in the corner of my cave, contented and full. It had been a rough day, but I was beginning to understand how things worked here. Maybe tomorrow I would be able to make some progress towards leaving. But for now, it was time to rest.