I look up to the heavens

I can’t explain why, but suddenly my router decided to go absolutely nuts and cut off the internet. So I’m going to have to work off the family computer until I can get it back to good. Sadly, that computer’s been getting a lot of use out of the rest of my family, so I’ll be lucky just to get on. And of course this happens when I’ve promised to make a post every day this week. Very inconvenient indeed. So if you see a lack of posting any day this week, now you know why. Now onto the review!

The second game on my list is another less-than-complicated title called Seiklus. I’d made by some dude who goes by the name of clysm. I found this one thanks to the “101 free games” article that 1up.com ran some time ago.

Seiklus is a very simple game. You play as a little white guy, and you pretty much jump and climb around the world. There aren’t any real enemies to deal with, and obstacles don’t hurt you or anything, so you don’t really have to worry about anything. The game is really just based around exploring and adventure.

So what purpose does the adventuring serve? Well, there’s a small cutscene at the beginning, in which your little guy gets knocked off his star(?) and separated from his supposed girlfriend. He then lands in a grassy field, and so begins the quest. So I’m assuming that your objective is to return to the star. But there’s a snag. You’ve gotta collect these multi-coloured bubbles to open a door, which I assume leads home. I haven’t been able to find all the bubbles yet, so I’m not entirely sure. There’s a second door as well, but I have no idea what that one’s for. There are also a handful of little “artifacts” scattered all over the place, which seem to have special effects of some sort.

Overall, the game has a very peaceful way about it, just letting you explore where you want when you want. It doesn’t really force you to do anything, and the map is pretty huge, with many different paths to take. The places you wind up are pretty varied, and the few events that take place are kinda neat. Plus, since I haven’t finished it yet, you can tell that it’s not as easy as it is laid-back. Sure, I’ve only logged in about three hours max, but people have flown through Metroid Prime in two hours. There’s some kind of logic in there somewhere, but I can’t be bothered to try to explain it.

The graphics are rather plain, but I doubt the game would be as charming with any more detail. Besides, there are some neat little effects here and there. The music also fits it to a tee, working very well with each area. I think the best way to describe it is “Earthbound meets Relentless.” But then again, I doubt many of you have ever played the awesome game that is Relentless. I’d review it, but I don’t have a computer old enough to run it…

Like Glasses, I totally recommend this one. You’ll need a little more free time to fully enjoy this one, but there’s a handy save feature, so you don’t have to get it all done in one run. Though you likely will if you’ve got the time to spare. This one can really suck you in. Download it here.

My heart sings for you

Hopefully you’re up to speed on what starts today. If not, shame shame double shame on you. You should check out the previous post if you need a rundown. Long story short though, today I kick off a week-long review of “indie” video games. One a day until Friday. Let’s go!

Our first game comes courtesy of Studio Pixel. To be completely honest, I actually found out about this company on Last.FM. Odd, no?

Anyhow, this game is called “Glasses” and is about as complex as a Game & Watch title (on the surface…). As the little man, your job is to catch the falling glasses with your face. The better aligned the glasses are with your giant head, the more points you score. You even get a bonus point if you get a jump catch. It works in three “heats,” so to speak. Each time, the pair of glasses falls a little quicker, and at the end, your points are totaled and you get a comment based on how well you do.

And that’s pretty much the extent of the game. It literally takes about a minute to play. So why do I choose it to review? Maybe because I don’t have to exert any effort to get it done? Nope! I choose it because as simple as it is, I found it damn addictive. Seriously. If you’re anything like me, you’ll play it over and over again until you have a perfect score, and then keep playing it over and over again because it’s rather fun for a game that doesn’t really amount to anything more than a minor distraction. And I do recommend that you keep playing until you get a perfect score (or at least 30 of a possible 33), not only because some of the comments are slightly funny, but also because there’s a little something for those talented enough to do really well… I won’t spoil it, but it is pretty wicked sweet.

High recommendation for this one, not only because it’s a fun little distraction, but also because the music is just as kickass as the gameplay. Possibly even moreso. You can find the English version on this page (God knows there isn’t much to translate) or since it’s so damned small, download it directly from me.

In it to win it with a team of four

Because lately, my fascination with homebrew/independent games has been growing, I’ve decided that this week’s article will be a little different than usual. Here’s how I see it going down: I pick five indie games, and then review one a day on the blog. On Saturday, I’ll compile them all into an article for redundancy’s sake. Sound good? Well that’s my plan so far. If I change my mind before the first post, I’ll tell you, but as it stands, I like my idea. I might even add in a sixth game to the article.

You know, if nothing else, I just realized that this is a good way to get people checking back each day, even if only for a week. Oh, and the Rockman ZX soundtrack is worth checking out. Tons of other soundtrack rips there too…

I wish I could, but it’s too late

It’s just a rumor, but the idea that we might get an Earthbound compilation makes me sqee with joy.

Also, Dragon Quest IX might be Wii-exclusive. You can’t tell, but I’m crying tears of happiness.

Sweet-ass Twilight Princess art.

Cactuar might be reason enough to get Mario Hoops 3-on-3.

Article up sometime tonight. Sometime. Don’t know when yet. Whenever I get bored, I guess.

Get up, get off, get loud, get down

Hey all. Sorry about the lack of article so far this week. I’ve got at least 3 topics, but between Steambot Chronicles, job hunting/interviews, and learning to drive (Again. Yeah, I’m pathetic) I’ve been somewhat preoccupied lately. I might have to resort to posting another Comedy Napalm Classic (I think it’s the last one) to keep my weekly streak going. Let’s just all remember that I officially have until 11:59PM on Saturday to get it done. Other than to mention that I survived the heart-attack-on-a-bun, I don’t really have much more reason to be posting.

Oh snap! I forgot Band of the Month! (fix0red)

I can’t surf

They’re making a Castlevania movie. I hope it’s awesome and spawns enough sequels to get up to a Curse of Darkness story…

You know what else pleases me to no end? Mario Hoops 3-on-3. I don’t care at all for basketball, but the fact that Square-Enix is developing it just makes me giggle. Also, it looks rather pretty too.

And last for today, check this out. Neat marketing scheme, no?

I’ll be your bad boy

Been quite busy with MegaMan Battle Network 6 lately (Sooo good!), but I have taken the time out to get next week’s comic done (but you won’t see it until Thursday), as well as next week’s article. I’ll be posting that tomorrow. Today, YouTube videos!

I have little idea what this is, other than frickin’ sweet

For the MMBN fans: GroundCross totally pwns Tenguman

Also: the BN6 “Tribute” PAs (spoilerific…ish)

For the hell of it, the Super Smash Bros Brawl trailer

Classic awesome: music video for Rammstein’s “Links 2-3-4”

Lunar Knights trailer. I must have this game…

TE Top 10 – Funnest Video Game Moments

I don’t know how many times I’ve started an article with this fact, but I play a lot of video games. Perhaps too many, but not nearly as many as some of the real hardcore people. Why do I play video games? Mostly because they’re fun. At least, a good 40% or so are fun. The other 60% are licensed crap and RPGs (not a typo). Most of the good ones are fun in their own special way too, and that’s why it’s good to play a large variety; you never know what’s gonna amuse you next.

I’ve clearly taken it upon myself to make up a list. And not just any list, but a list of the ten absolute most fun things to do in video games. And while my ego does like to believe that my list is absolute, it is in reality only my personal list. You may disagree on some counts (as they’re somewhat sadistic), but I’m sure you’ll agree that most of them are in fact awesome, even if you wouldn’t put them on your own list.

To slim things down a bit and keep a little less bias about than usual, I’ve weeded out any ideas that are too general. Basically, I’m going to ignore entire games and multiplayer modes in general (for the most part) because let’s face it, the list would be Super Smash Bros Melee ten times over if I didn’t. Mind you, I didn’t spend a whole lot of time coming up with the list (only about two hours), but I think I got the essentials down. You should also take note that they’re not in any particular order, because there’s no way I’d ever be able to decide. So with the intro out of the way, let’s hop to it!

Smashing Opponents Into The Electric Fence

Game: Super Mario Strikers

Platform: Nintendo GameCube

Fun Rating: 8/10

Description: While Super Mario Strikers is a ton of fun in general, there’s one thing that really brings it above any other Mario Sports title: the amount of mayhem. While a game of Mario Kart can get pretty heated, it’s nothing compared to Strikers. The explosions, the Bowser, the hitting. You could piss away entire games simply body checking any poor soul that makes the mistake of getting too close and still enjoy the game to pretty damn well near its full potential. The thing that makes this even better is that the pitch is surrounded by an invisible barrier. What’s so great about that? well when you hit an enemy into it, they find out the hard way that it’s coursing with a many million volts. If 10,000v is the maximum real world voltage for an electric fence, then this one is likely around a couple megavolts. Anyhow, I find this extremely fun not only in the fact that I’m frying my opponents good, but also because they always let out a very painful-sounding scream as the electricity courses through their bodies. I told you some of these would be a little sadistic.

Traditional Super Mario Games

Game: Super Mario Bros/Super Mario Bros 3/Super Mario World/New Super Mario Bros

Platform: NES/ARC/GBC/GBA/SNES/DS

Fun Rating: 9/10

Description: I really didn’t want to include entire games (nevermind a whole series) in this, and rather just elements of games, but it’s too damned hard not to give a mention to Mario platformers. They’ve always been the cream of the crop as far as video games go, and you can always play them over and over. Mario’s the most recognizable video game character ever, and with good reason. People all over the world were enchanted by Super Mario Bros and many still hail it as one of the best games ever, and when it isn’t mentioned, it’s usually replaced by SMB3 or Super Mario World. Not only were the games fun because of their simple and addictive gameplay, but also because they could frustrate the Hell out of even the greatest players. Not catching on? Maybe the words “Outrageous” and “Tubular” will get those synapses firing. Lastly, I won’t spoil it, but New Super Mario Bros has like the greatest final boss fight ever. At least for a side-scroller.

Being A Zombie

Game: Stubbs the Zombie: Rebel Without A Pulse

Platform: PC/XBox

Fun Rating: 7/10

Description: I knew right away when I heard about Stubbs the Zombie that I had to have it. Even though the game turned out very differently than I’d imagined while reading about it, it still pleased me to no end when I finally got down to playing it. I don’t think there’s been a video game that’s let you be a zombie before (aside from a couple power-ups or bonus-games), and my dream came true with Stubbs. Its a pretty linear game, and doesn’t afford you a lot of options (early on, anyway), but it’s incredibly fun. Stubbs can do all sorts of awesome things like eat brains and create a horde of zombies. You can even rip off people’s arms and use them to beat other bystanders to death. Nearly 100 times more fun than a boring ol’ baseball bat. Posessing humans is pretty nifty too, and I don’t think I’ll ever get bored of using Stubbs’ “unholy flatulence” move. The only thing that really brings the experience down is that the game occasionally forces you to play as a [posessed] human, and the death of that host means having to start the area over. All in all though, playing for the zombie team is about as good as it gets.

Rolling People Into A Katamari

Game: Katamari Damacy/We Love Katamari/Me & My Katamari

Platform: Playstation 2/PSP

Fun Rating: 8/10

Description: I don’t know how many times I have to reiterate this: the Katamari Damacy series is the best thing to happen since opposable thumbs. The music is insane, the graphics are hilarious, and well, the gameplay was good enough to make me buy a PS2 (and maybe even a PSP, should it get a little cheaper). You’d never think that rolling things up into a ball would be as much fun as this, but I’ll be damned if it isn’t. And while rolling up onigiris and shoes is all well and good, the really fun part (at least for me) is when you get to roll up the wandering residents of the Earth. Many games have memorable moments, but none are quite the same as the first time your katamari is large enough to roll up a child. Oh, those little guys can run. It’s a truly amazing experience, and if you hadn’t been sold on the Katamari idea up to that point, once you start hearing the screams of terror from your freshly rolled high-school basketball team, you’ll definitely realize just why this series has the following it does.

Holding Up Soldiers

Game: Metal Gear Solid: the Twin Snakes/Metal Gear Solid 2/Metal Gear Solid 3

Platform: Nintendo GameCube/Playstation 2/XBox

Fun Rating: 6/10

Description: It may not be the most exhiliarating thing on the list, but there is definitely something to be said for the hold-up tactic found in all the Metal Gear Solid games since MGS2:Sons of Liberty (though the mini-game-esque “Hold Up Mode” was only in Substance). Playing with the guards and soldiers is a huge plus for the series, especially since getting through the main games doesn’t take too long (cutscenes aside), and possibly the most entertaining thing you can do to them is the hold-up. A vital tactic for procuring dog tags in The Twin Snakes and Sons of Liberty, the hold-up is exectuted by simply sneaking up behind your target and readying your gun. Walking in front of them and using first-person mode will scare them into dropping a dog tag (or other goods), and from there, they’re yours to play with. You can proceed to shoot out their radios, injure various limbs, or just shoot them in the ass to make them jump. some are even would-be heroes and try to pull their guns on you after you hold them up. Pumping a bullet into them will put ’em back in line.

Drenching Isle Delfino Residents

Game: Super Mario Sunshine

Platform: Nintendo GameCube

Fun Rating: 5/10

Description: If the FLUDD is good for anything, it’s annoying the crap out of all the NPCs in Super Mario Sunshine. A past-time that I don’t tire of quickly, soaking anyone nearby doesn’t rank too highly on my list, but it’s still a good wad of fun. Nokis try to take that fun away by simply retreating ito their shells, but the vast majority of Piantas will get all flustered and make a huge fuss about it. If only they’d actually take action after so long (I’m thinking they could exact revenge like the cuccos in Zelda games)… And then there’s Toadsworth. While the basic Toads just screech a little and act like they’re going to melt, the mustachioed mushroom lets out the most hilarious “YAAHBLAHBLAHBLAH!!” you’ll ever hear. That yelp alone is worth the place on this list. There are a lot of fun things to do in Super Mario Sunshine, but squirting Toadsworth makes me giggle like a schoolgirl every time.

Wasting Those Other Links

Game: Zelda: Four Swords Adventures/Zelda: A Link to the Past & Four Swords

Platform: Nintendo Gamecube/GBA

Fun Rating: 10/10

Description: Four Swords isn’t exaclty Zelda as you know it. It’s pretty close, but it’s got something no other has: multiplayer. While it’s multiplayer that encourages teamwork, it also makes sure to allow for plenty of friendly fire. Adventuring through stage after stage can get a little tiring, and every now and then, you just have to let loose and start murdeing any other Links that get close. Whether you’re doing it to steal Force Gems because you’re a backstabbing traitor (me), because you feel the need to start a war between the Links (also me), or just because throwing your friend off a cliff seemed like a fun idea (me again), killing each other can be far more fun than playing through the game proper. Four Swords Adventures even includes a battle mode tailored specifically to meet your teamkilling needs. Of course, there aren’t actually teams in that mode, but you know what I mean. The weapons and items in the games provide you with endless ways to burn, slash, stab, trample, explode, pierce, and throw your friends. There’s even an item in battle mode that unleashes a cucco who will rip out an opponent’s heart. Joy!

Playing Anakin (Or Any Sith, Really)

Game: Star Wars Epidoe III: Revenge of the Sith

Platform: Playstation 2/XBox/GBA/DS

Fun Rating: 8/10

Description: I know there are tons of Star Wars games out there where you can play a Dark Side character, but for the sake of brevity, I’m going to focus on Revenge of the Sith for this article. Yes, plenty of games let you be bad guys and perform actions not sanctioned by basic human morals, but Star Wars games really hand evil to you on a platter. I get much more satisfaction from watching an alien squirm as I crush his throat than I do from pumping bullets into people. The RotS games let you choose from Obi-Wan and Anakin, and Anakin is clearly the choice if you’re playing for the fun of it. Obi-Wan tends to be easier to play, but his is a more defensive game, while Anakin’s game focuses almost entirely on offense. Watching legions of battle droids crumble beneath the might of my Dark Side Force powers is a sight that couldn’t ever get old. The console version is even better, intensifying everything with fancy effects and superior lightsaber duels. I can see why so many Jedis fall to the Dark Side… It’s just so awesome.

Running Down Pedestrians

Game: The Simpsons: Road Rage/The Simpsons: Hit & Run

Platform: Nintendo GameCube/Playstation 2/Xbox/GBA/PC

Fun Rating: 7/10

Description: Yes, you can run over pedestrians in most driving games (and shame shame double shame to those in which you can’t). I know this. I know this well. But in most games they just go splat and then you get out and take their money. In the Simpsons games, the pedestrian-smashing is a little more humorous. You see, rather than pulling a Frogger, the pedestrians in the Simpsons games will bounce into the air when they get smacked by a car, giving players the impression that they’re all made entirely of rubber. Don’t ask me why I like this way of hitting people so much more, but I do. In fact, I was originally going to use GTA3 as a headliner for this entry, but decided against it when I remebered how much more fun it is when Homer runs somebody down than when some run-of-the-mill mobster does it. The funny noise it makes helps too.

Bomberman Multiplayer!

Game: Bomberman Generation

Platform: Nintendo GameCube

Fun Rating: 10/10

Description: Yeah, okay. So multiplayer in nearly any Bomberman game is stellar (except that XBox 360 abortion they call Bomberman: Act Zero). This is a well-known fact to nearly everyone. But I come here today intent on stressing how much I love the multiplayer mode in Bomberman Generation. Sure, you could just play the regular old blast-the-other-guys mode (which is A-OK, don’t get me wrong), but I’m totally enamored with the ultra-frantic Dodge Battle. You don’t get any bombs, and neither do your opponents. Sounds weak, but there’s a catch: bombs fall from the sky! The basic idea is to avoid them and be the last one standing, and playing that way is cool, but there’s even more. Each Bomberman starts equipped with both kick and punch abilities, so you can still put your back into getting your enemies killed, even if it’s not the traditional way. There are some more special modes, but they don’t kick nearly as much ass. You can read about ’em all in my Bomberman Generation FAQ… somewhere. It’s on this site and GameFAQs, but I don’t feel like linking to either one at the moment.

So that’s it for now. I’m sure that there are some great moments that I’ve forgotten, but I’m content with my list. Surely games of the future will bring even more memorable moments, and I’m looking forward to all of them. I can’t really think of anything else that needs to be said to conclude this, so off I go!

RAW 01 – The Death of Aeris

I’ve been thinking up starting a running series of article where I rip on something that most people really like. Or something like that. Anyway, let’s just jump right into the first issue of “Ryan Against the World.”

Video games offer a lot. Mostly, they’re entertainement mediums, and for ages that was based solely in the actual gameplay. Nowadays however, there’s a greater emphasis on story and character development and music and all that stuff that goes along with it. One thing that video games have been really getting into since the Nintendo64/Playstation generation was emotional weight. With more complex stories and characters comes all sorts of crazy crap that can really make you feel while you’re playing the game (or sitting through the cutscenes, in most cases). there are games out there that will have you laughing heartily, bring you halfway to tears, or stir you into a vicious rage (and not just because the game is difficult).

Now, I’m all for this, see? I don’t really need any more reason to play video gmaes than to have fun, but it all comes as a nice bonus. But some people live for this kind of stuff, and as such, it’s a pretty popular topic in forums and polls on gaming websites. So where am I going with all of this? I don’t really know, but I needed an intro of some sort. Anyway, when it all comes down to it, I’ve noticed that there is one almost unanimous opinion for the more emotional moment in video game history: the death of Aeris in Final Fantasy 7.

I’ll put it bluntly. What the fuck? The world thinks that that was the most emotional moment in video games? They thought it was sad? People cried? I’ll accept that the world is comprised of dumb FF7 fanboys, but come on. How could you have possibly been sad when Aeris died? Yeah, it was a little shocking (and illogical) that she got bumped off not even halfway through the game, but it was not in the slightest a sad moment. In fact, I was hollering for joy when they neglected to realize that a Phoenix Down would fix it all. Basically, what I’m trying to say is that Aeris sucks.

Yes, now I’ve incurred the wrath of every gamer that Sqeenix has on their super-leash, but I don’t rightly give a damn. Aeris is like the worst character ever. For one: she’s a bum. Let’s face it, the bitch lived in a broken, abondoned church. Alone, it’s not really a proper strike against her, because some people just can’t help it, but I’m actually going somewhere with this. She clearly has no grasp on the concept of money. Selling flowers for one lousy Gil? No wonder she’s a goddamned hobo. She’d have to sell a whole damn boquet just to afford half a potion. Besides that, who in Midgar would want flowers? And shitty one-gil flowers to boot? Nobody appreciates cheap flowers. Nobody.

Secondly, she’s worthless in battle. Unless of course, you get her higher-level limit breaks, which you only get by using her extensively. And even then, they’re not enough to warrant keeping her in the party. This wouldn’t be so bad if you could just lump her off to the side like Cait Sith and Yuffie, but was there not a segement of the game where they forced her into your party? Not to mention that if you decided to go all the way and do the whole rigamarole of getting her final limit break and purchased her new weapons and shit throughout the adventure, you’d be out a whole lotta time and cash. Of course, all of this is just icing on the top of the fact that she’s a horribly annoying character. Cloud has zero taste in women.

There are tons of sadder moments in video games than when Aeris dies. Some of those include:

  • The death of Lisa in Silent Hill (actually, the entire story is kinda sad)
  • The death of Stella in Tales of Legendia (only because it means Senel will be hooking up with Shirley, whom I also harbor distaste for)
  • When you realize there’s only about 20 minutes of actual gameplay in any given Metal Gear Solid game.
  • Purchasing an Xbox/360 (after you realize what you’ve done)
  • When the local Chuck E Cheese’s closes, and it was the only place within miles that still had the Captain America and the Avengers arcade game.

That seems to be the most of what I have to say, and I have no more silly things to add to that list, so that’s it for today. Remember kids: Winners don’t do drugs. Captain America and the Avengers was like the best game ever.

She likes to sleep, I like to stay up all night

If you don’t appreciate this photo gallery (probably NSFW), get off my website now.

In other news, that kind of thing was long overdue here. Also, it turns out HAL’s cutting Mr. Game & Watch from Super Smash Bros Brawl. ‘Tis a sad day indeed. A couple others are getting axed too (Young Link, Ice Climbers), but I don’t care nearly as much. Besides, Young Link is being “replaced” by Wind Waker Link, and Ridley is now on board too (as well as Young Bowser, but that’s no more than a “meh”), so it kind of evens out. In the the end though, it doesn’t matter which characters are there, because the game is going to rock all over the place regardless.