You might have been visiting my other site here and discovered something quite saddening. But, to brighten your spirits, I’ll tell you this: I’ve been working on a couple different articles. And by that, I mean I just need to put the finishing touches on them before I upload them. Whee! Now that that’s out of the way, ZELDA’S COMING IN 14 DAYS!! …yeah, that’s about all I have to say for now. Adios.
Category: Zelda
The Legend of Zelda (cartoon)
As you might be aware, I already did a little overview of the Legend of Zelda cartoon in my first article. But, I was recently given the chance to see all 13 episodes of the series, of which I’ve only watched 7 of so far. I know I was a little bit harsh on it back in the other article, but now I see the error of my ways.
Why was I so harsh? Well, it’s mostly because I hadn’t seen the show for so many years that I had forgotten that it’s f***ing hilarious. Yeah, I was so very amazed at how funny the cartoon actually is. While most of the funny came from laughing at the show, there was still a lot of intended funny. I have to say that this is the first show in a long time that’s made me fall off the seat laughing. Actually, it’s the first anything in a long time that’s made me falling off the seat laughing.
But today I am going to focus on the absolute funniest episode that I’ve seen so far. It’s called “The Missing Link”. Now that name by itself just screams hilarity, don’t you think? Well even if you don’t, I do. Actually, the title is a bit misleading, seeing as Link is never actually “missing” per se, just more not there. Sure he may go “missing” for 2 or 3 seconds, but that’s just for effect. Now that I think of it, most of the titles up to this point are misleading. But that’s besides the point.
“The Missing Link” is definitely my favorite episode so far, mostly because it’s funny, but also because the plot is rather good. You know, for a kids show. If it’s wasn’t an ancient kids cartoon, I might be a little more picky about how good the plot is, but seeing as it’s so damn funny, I’ll let it go this time. Well, enough babbling, on to the show!
“The Missing Link” is the sixth episode in the series, or so I’ve been led to believe. This really has no effect on anything, since there is absolutely no continuity anywhere in the series. Well, maybe a little, but nothing that would make any difference.
Our show starts with Zelda picking flowers in the castle courtyard. Just another day in the seemingly unpopulated world of Hyrule. But then, out of nowhere, the fountain explodes in a pillar of sparkly pink dust and Ganon and his entourage of Stalfos and Moblins appear out of a hole in the ground. Now this is not at all awkward, since unlike the game, everywhere in Hyrule is an entrance to Death Mountain. The blast knocks Zelda over and her flowers to an untimely doom.
Where is our hero? I’ll tell you where he is. He’s up on a bridge-type thing polishing his shield. Now this is the one thing that’s plagued curious gamers since the first Zelda game came around. Where does Link hold all of his stuff? Well the cartoon answers all. Apparently, in Hyrule, everything is “magic” and can conveniently be shrunken down to mini-size and stored in a side pack. And speaking of shrunken, Link’s sword is tiny! I have LEGO swords that are bigger than that thing. But it gets the job done so can’t complain.
Link jumps down from the bridge, and the Moblins start shooting magic arrows at his nice clean shield. What a downer. He asks Zelda if she’s OK, she replies yes, and the Moblins get an idea. They immediately open fire on her so that Link can get in as many shots as he needs. When Link attacks, the sword’s shot makes the right noise, but when the bad guys blink out of existence, they make the sound of collecting a rupee. Strange, no? Zelda takes Link’s shield and runs away to get the Triforce, leaving Link defenseless against the barrage of arrows.
Ganon reveals that he has a new weapon, the Magic Wand! Real new, pig-face. He intends to use it to zap Zelda into his “Evil Jar”. I’ll explain this as clearly as I can. Ganon has this really big jar in his lair. When monsters are “zapped” by anything “magical” that touches them, they go into this jar for recycling. But,
when humans get hit by one of these magic zaps, they just fly ten feet backward. So, Ganon has conjured up a staff that will allow him to put humans in the jar. Simple, right?
Zelda reappears with the Triforce and no shield. She zaps a few Moblins and then Ganon attacks. Zelda is able to reflect the powerzap with Triforce magic. the zap bounces off a few walls with a rubberness that Flubber would be jealous of, and then, since he has no shield Link takes the blast and fades out of existence. Ganon decides to cut his losses and return to Death Mountain. Zelda realizes that she took the shield which makes her responsible for Link’s being zapped. Ordinarily she wouldn’t care, but since it’s a special occasion, she breaks down and cries over Link’s dropped sword.
But what is this? Link’s ghost appears out of nowhere and Zelda ends up doing a faceplant while trying to hug the “ghostified” Link. Apparently all that bouncing around weakened the power zap and only Link’s body was taken to the Evil Jar. Sprite the fairy appears and now we see that Zelda is the only one who can see ghost Link. The dynamic duo decide that they must go find Link’s body. It’s not like there’s anything else to do in Hyrule. I told you, nobody lives there except for Link, Zelda, Sprite and the stupid-ass king. I guess they could all play a game or something, but they would tire of each other eventually.
Now we have a problem. Link can’t pick up his sword.
Link = What am I gonna do?
Zelda = The only thing we can do. Get it back.
(She pick up and swirls the sword around)
Link = My heroic princess. Kiss me.
Zelda = Oh shut up.
I laugh every time I hear that.
So the two head into Death Mountain, and are attacked by Stalfos. Zelda manages to zap them all, with the help of Ghost Link. But like Sprite, the Stalfos weren’t able to see Ghost Link. Zelda wonders why she is the only one who can see him… They move on and find a balcony over Ganon’s chamber.
The jarred(as in “now stuck in a big jar”) Stalfos tell Ganon about how Link is a ghost and nobody can see him but Zelda. Ganon yelps and turns away in disgust, stating that the only way Zelda could see Ghost Link is if…
ZELDA WAS IN LOVE WITH HIM!!!
Our heroes overhear the conversation and Link gets up on the balcony’s edge and does a little song and dance, being so happy that Zelda loves him. She inevitably denies it, saying she only likes him a little bit. But since Ganon can still hear Link, his outburst alerts the bad guys and Ganon sends a bunch of Moblins after them. they jump down and Link runs to the jar as Zelda tries to fend off the Moblins.
Link swims through the endless pink fog that is the inside of the jar and comes across his body, guarded by a lone Stalfos. Link enters his body and demands that the skeleton gives him a bomb. What could he be thinking? A bomb? Inside the Evil Jar? Link, you’d better not be planning what I think you are.
Meanwhile, Zelda isn’t putting up much of a fight, and the Moblins are really ahead in the fight. Just as they’re about to finish her off, the jar blows up and Link comes surfing through the waves of purple liquid on… nothing. The “water” washes Ganon and his minions away, and Link saves Zelda from the remaining Moblins. But just as they are about to celebrate *wink wink* the Evil Jar starts to explode and they are forced to high-tail it out of there
Will Link finally get his kiss?
Nope. Instead, he falls into a hole.
For what it’s worth, he does get a kiss when he falls and kisses the dirt, but for the sake of comedy Link goes through all this for nothing. I guess it’s just to teach kids at home that when they’re about to be kissed, to look out for plot-holes. Get it? Plot-holes?? Ha ha ha ha ha! I kill me.
Then as the show fades out, Zelda bursts into a laughing fit that sounds suspiciously like the crying fit she had at the beginning of the episode. Luckily, I downloaded this episode, so I didn’t have to put up with Captain Lou and Mr. Wells making complete idiots out of themselves. I think karma is finally repaying me for all the good things I do. Thank you karma.
So that’s it. I really recommend you try to download it from somewhere or scour your local Blockbuster for a tape. I know ours has some Mario Bros. videos, so you might be lucky. Even some other video shops might have them, I’m not sure, I don’t look at the movies, especially the kiddie movies. Like I previously said, the plots of these shows are a bit lacking, but that really doesn’t matter since they’re so damn funny.
I just noticed that this review is really long, especially compared to my other ones. But long is good, right? I probably could have compressed it a bit and cut out some filler, but I like it the way it is, so that’s the way it’s gonna stay. I really don’t have anything to go out on, so I’ll just leave you with this little tidbit: Smile, it makes people wonder what you’re thinking.
The Super Mario Bros. Super Show!
Welcome one and all to the very first article on Mr. Hotshot64 v.2’s PAGE OF DEATH!! Torrential Equilibrium I just thought I’d whip up a test page so anybody out there who is actually visiting the site can see what it’s gonna look like. I’m not gonna really write anything much, just a little bit about a certain show…
Seeing as this marks my very first article, we will all mark the date on our calendars and celebrate it as a national holiday every year from now on. And EVERYONE will celebrate. I don’t care what “religion” you’re a part of, this is the new holiday of holidays. Presents and no school/work for all! I shall call it “Uber-Friday”. Ironically, today is Saturday.
As some of you may notice, it looks a lot like the old X-Entertainment did. Well, mostly because I copied and pasted the HTML and then just changed a whole bunch of stuff around. Call it plagiarism if you wish, but I have to figure it out somehow. Copying someone else’s work just happened to be the quickest way for me to do it.
Actually, this whole intro is pretty much a sneaky way to keep the surprise topic a surprise. I don’t want you guys to know what you’re reading about before you’re done reading the intro. If you did, you would just skip the intro and go straight for the good stuff, like a kid would run right past the vegetable stand in front of the candy factory. But like those vegetables, the intro contains many essential vitamins that you must take, even though the article itself is the much more delicious part. So now that I’ve put in my necessary metaphor, let’s get on to the topic!
Today, I present to you one of the most amazing things ever to hit the small screen, the one show that changed the lives of so very many young children and one old wrestler. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you:
THE SUPER
MARIO BROS.
SUPER SHOW!
Yes, that’s right pizanos! It’s everyone’s favorite Nintendo-based cartoon show! I’m certain that everyone I know remembers and loves the show dearly. Sadly, a limited number of episodes are available to download and the show itself has been off the air for several years. But that won’t stop us from having super-sized fun! So grab a Super Mushroom or two and get ready for some nostalgic reading.
It all started way back in 1989 (or so I’ve been told), when the first episode aired. Nintendo lovers all around the… North America were eagerly anticipating the new show starring Super Mario and his buddies. Actually, I don’t know if anyone was anticipating it. Maybe it just came along and got popular. Like The Legend of Zelda cartoon that was also featured on the Super Show, but I’ll get to that later.In any case, kids were expecting to have a half hour of animated Mario goodness…
Boy did they get stiffed.
There was only about 12 minutes of animated footage on the Super Show. The rest was live action Mario and Luigi bumbling around what I’m presuming was their home/office. Mario was played by the famous wrestler Captain Lou Albano. Luigi was played by some guy that nobody knows. Yes, that’s right, Danny Wells donned the green overalls for the first ten minutes of the Super Show. They also got to voice the animated versions of their characters. Who would have guessed? I would have thought the execs at DIC would have hired some other guys. Oh well, win some, lose some.The one “upside”, if you will, of the live action segments was that there was always a guest star who happened to be rather popular during that era. None spring to mind, but I’m sure they used to be household names.
The bros also had some kind of weird Ninja Turtles-esque pizza fetish. Their phone was covered in pizza, and there were pieces of the stuff strewn all about the place, along with the probably empty boxes. This just goes to show that not all Italians who live in Brooklyn fly the straight and narrow. No, these guys were rebels. They made their place messy, and they liked it that way. Danny Tanner would have several heart attacks. Actually, I think Bob Saget might have been a guest star once. Damned if I can remember.
Well, to say the least, the cartoon was excellent. It came out after Super Mario Bros. 2 for the NES, and it featured all the bosses that everyone loved, including German-tongued Mouser, three-headed snake Triclyde, and of course the infamous King Koopa (who has more recently been named Bowser.) It seemed really authentic, if you only consider the characters. All the good guys and bad guys from SMB2 were there, but the plots and scenery were unlike anything ever seen in the video game. Not to say that any of the plots were better than SMB2’s. They were all pretty bad.The last episode I can remember seeing was entitled “Mario Meets Koop-Zilla” in which Mario and the gang (Luigi, Toad, and Princess Toadstool(Peach)) traveled to some far away town to get the Super Sushi, which would make Mario giant, and hopefully enable him to squish King Koopa out of existence once and for all.
Unfortunately, Koopa got there first, and stole the Super Sushi, thereby making him “Koop-zilla” and enabling him to stomp the city to rubble. Luckily, some scientist whips up another batch of this Super Sushi and Mario gains a beer belly, pot belly, jelly belly, love handles, and lots of fat. Really, most of the growth was in the stomach area. It was gross and hilarious at the same time. Like farting. Although that is more of a perspective thing.
So eventually the good guys triumph, and all is well again as once again normal sized King Koopa escapes into the night. Back at the scientist’s lab, the gang celebrates the victory and Mario gobbles up a plate of Shrinking (Something), and becomes Mini-Mario. hilarity ensues. The end.See, nothing special story wise, but the one-liners were always great. Of course, nobody who was actually watching the show back then had the mental capacity to absorb any of this. They just liked the bright colors and the recognizable characters. Nowadays we can see how uninspired the plots were. It’s not like today’s cartoon plots are any better though.
The last thing I should mention about the Super Show is the extra special Friday episodes. This was the day everyone waited for. This was the day that made the week worth living through. This was the day where The Legend of Zelda would air instead of Super Mario Bros.
It’s really a shame that Zelda only got 13 episodes before it was cancelled. Everyone I know prefers it over Mario’s offering. Maybe that’s because they don’t remember it very well. The Link of today and Link on the show are two very different people. Today’s Link is a serious adventurer and Hero of Time, with blond hair. The Link on the show was a joker who just wanted a piece of Zelda’s sweet, sweet can. Plus he had brown hair. Needless to say, I prefer old Link. I’m just not a fan of blond hair. This show wouldn’t have been a comedy if it weren’t for good old Link. He truly did save the day.The stories on The Legend of Zelda weren’t much better than what Mario had, and with the exception of Link’s snappy dialogue, they weren’t half as funny. Of course, there was a lot more action and magic in Zelda. And as everyone knows, action + magic = cool. So do we have a winning formula on our hands? Apparently not. 13 episodes more or less means failure. But, there is that slim chance that failures can be good though. Just look at Undergrads, Mission Hill, and Clone High. All dropped after a single season, yet they’re all great shows.
All I have to say is that Zelda could have gone somewhere. I don’t see why it didn’t. It had the potential, it had the franchise, it had the theme song. But it seems the general public has failed us again and just didn’t want to give it the ratings necessary to keep it going. Oh well.
All in all, The Super Mario Bros Super Show was a pretty decent show. Some may argue that the live action was good, but I would rather have more cartoony fun. A few of you may criticize me for saying a couple bad words about the Legend of Zelda, and all I have to say to you is “Excuuuuuuuuse me, princess.” They weren’t the best cartoons on TV, but they were damn good while they lasted. So if you can, build some kind of show developing company some day and revive these shows. It will benefit all of mankind and make many, many fans very happy people.
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Hey, I’m even going to give you a little bonus for visiting my site and reading this. Download away!
Do The Mario and enjoy! *offer expired*