2016 Xmas Gift Roundup!

Oh my, has yet another year passed already? Well, I guess three years if you’re just going by the last time I wrote one of these things. Remember how it used to be an annual tradition? Did I write this exact same intro paragraph last time? Ehh, I’ve already recycled the idea and the banner, might as well re-use some of the text as well.

I think that, for the most part, I stopped doing these because I began to feel embarrassed about all of the stuff I get for Xmas. I mean, it’s not like it’s all that excessive (especially with my lack of wife), but it’s easy to look at these articles and think to myself “gee, I sure am spoiled, aren’t I?” Maybe next year will be the year I finally act on my desire to volunteer somewhere and help those less fortunate.

But probably not. That would also require leaving the house, and my incredible selfishness is a defining character trait.

Continue reading 2016 Xmas Gift Roundup!

Book Report: The Picture of Dorian Gray

I read a book! I know, it’s been a while!

It was called The Picture of Dorian Gray. It is about a man who gets a portrait painted of himself, and then because he’s super vain, he casts a magic voodoo spell on it that keeps him young forever and makes the portrait version of him age instead. Then he lives out a life of hedonism and debauchery until he goes insane from an overdose of ecstasy, throws the portrait into a volcano, and then his head explodes because the voodoo curse releases all the portrait’s pent-up oldness back onto him.

This is, as I am told, an example of “classic literature,” which I understand is a type of book that publishers keep reprinting and selling forever because it costs a lot more to write new books. It was written by Oscar Wilde, a man well renowned for his work towards creating equality for brown M&Ms and having set the world record for number of lions tamed in one hour (a record which I soon hope to break). Also on his days off he wrote plays and fairy tales.

While the story itself was engaging, the novel contained some unique views on the topics of art, love, and society which I found quite interesting at the time, and have taken to reading up a little more on such philosophies, and pondering on what they mean to me. I will no doubt lose all interest in them within three or so days, and then go back to not having anything substantial to talk to people about. Such is life.

Also, there could have been more robots and sexy ninjas. But what novel couldn’t benefit from having more of those?

The Picture of Dorian Gray excels at many things. For one, it is most certainly a collection of words printed onto paper. It also has an image on the front cover, which is soft, and to my liking. Hard covers are much too solid and pose too much of a risk of falling into my enemies’ hands and being used as a bludgeoning tool against me.

There are no blank pages between the cover and the story, however, there are two pages in a row upon which only the title and name of the author are printed. This seems somewhat redundant, as this information is already on the cover (which directly precedes these pages). This is the only fault that I could find in this novel. It is otherwise immaculate.

In conclusion: that sure was a novel.

Starting small

I mentioned at some point before my world got blasted to heck that I wanted to read more. Indeed, I have not been doing so. Mostly for lack of motivation, but also because my Kobo’s screen has been cracking apart more and more even though I’ve barely touched the damn thing in months. It’s very distracting.

Anyway, I bought a new Story Bundle and figured that I ought to at least start paging through a few books from previous bundles that I’ve purchased and subsequently ignored. My first choice was The Kosher Guide to Imaginary Animals.

kosherguide

While they are not strictly “imaginary” I’ve always been fascinated by cryptids. I own more than a couple paperback bestiaries of unseen animals, and of course I was interested in checking out another. I didn’t really expect that the title was exactly what the book is about: whether certain fantastical species would be okay for Jewish peoples to eat or not.

Yeah. See, I don’t really have “taste” in literature.

Anyway, it was a fairly good read. Very short, and not nearly comprehensive enough, but entertaining. Each beast is given a short (and often goofy) description and then there’s a little banter between the authors on why it’s kosher or not. It’s not hilarious by any stretch, but I chuckled a few times. It’s certainly not meant to be informative, either. There are a couple of monsters I’ve never heard of included in here, but the amount of background for any of them is very slim.

Of course, the point of the book is not to give you a detailed bio and history of each cryptid, but simply to let you know if you can be Jewish and eat them. Even on that note, it’s not entirely fulfilling, as more than a few verdicts are left with a question mark.

Anyhow, it’s not a bad book, and it’s not like it’ll even take you long to get through it if you’re not enjoying it. Pop over to the website and consider picking up a copy. I liked it, but I can’t guarantee that anyone who is not me would.

Oh hey, and it’s given me a blog post to file under “cryptozoology.” So that’s cool.

What even is a moo-vee?

Hey so I used the “film” tag for the first time in forever on that previous post. Yes, sir, I sure haven’t written about anything but video games in way too long. Chalk it up partly to me not having much interest in writing much of anything for the last few months. I just haven’t had the motivation to do much lately.

As far as movies go, I’ve watched a grand total of two films since D-Day 2015. One of those was my umpteen-hundredth viewing of The Goonies. Because I can always enjoy The Goonies.

The second movie that I watched, I came across while idly poking around on Netflix. It’s called The Notebook, and it’s the exact opposite of The Notebook that you’re thinking of. You may recall that I read and thoroughly enjoyed the book that this movie is based on, and I was downright thrilled to see that it has been made into a film. I’ve been toying with the idea of re-reading the whole trilogy, and watching the movie version of the first part has only made me want to read it again even more.

notebookposterSee, the thing is that the movie version is… I don’t know, kind of dull? While it’s very true to the book and the acting is really great, it just seemed sort of insubstantial. One of those movies where it felt like nothing was ever happening, even though things were, in fact, happening. It could of course just be that it’s not the kind of movie that I’d normally watch. As a drama, I typically would have stayed far away from it. Especially since it’s about kids dealing with a troubled life during World War II. Maybe I just don’t know how to value movies that aren’t full of one-liners and superheroes.

I don’t know if I can truly even recommend it. If you’re read the book, you’ve gotten the significantly better experience already. If you haven’t read the book, you’ll probably just be puzzled and bored. I mean, if you’re into indie dramas you’ll probably get more out of it than the average person, but it still seems like a tough sell to me. I can’t remember for the life of me if there’s even one character with a proper given name.

Anyhow, I did enjoy it on some level. Maybe just for filling in some little gaps that my imagination left blank while I was reading the book. I like the story and the characters, and I guess it’s nice to actually see them doing their things. Mostly though, I’m kind of hoping that the next two books, The Proof and The Third Lie, get made into movies as well, as that’s when the plot really gets going. Anyway, I probably just ought to go read them all again. I recommend you do so as well. Fantastic books.

Give a hoot

I’m basically defined by my obsession with video games. It’s a little sad, but it’s true. What some people don’t know though, is that I have other hobbies! Hobbies that I have been sorely neglecting as of late, in favour of, well, playing more games.

As of this writing, I have beaten 131 games this year. That’s more than a little excessive.

So next year, in addition to trying to draw more, I’m going to try to read more. Though I’m well aware that “read more” is a goal that I’ve set for myself for at least the last four years or so. It should be easier now that I have the Kobo, with scores of books at my fingertips at any given time. According to the Already Read folder, I’ve read ten books on it so far this year. Though to be fair, three of those were issues of SCROLL magazine, and two were comic books.

I have purchased no fewer than six Story Bundles this year, so I have a veritable mountain of literature to work through. Which is great, but I’ve said it several times before that I don’t read enough to actually know what I like to read. Story Bundles seem like a great solution to that problem, because each one has had at least one book that immediately interests me, so it’s like I’m paying for that one and then getting a whole bunch of other stuff to check out for free.

Maybe I’ll even get around to finishing Frankenstein one of these days, too. I’ve only read about a quarter of the book, but I’ve enjoyed that portion of it so much, it’s a darn shame that the Kobo Store doesn’t offer free versions of classic literature like iBooks does. I just find it too hard to read on my tiny iPhone screen.

Festivus in June

I briefly mentioned once that last year, I participated in Talking Time’s yearly Festivus gift exchange. It’s essentially an internet Secret Santa (here dubbed Ninja Santa), with each forum member who signs up given the mission of sending out a gift to an assigned recipient.

I have very little confidence in my ability to pick out gifts for people, and I was panicking pretty hard to get my gift done and sent before Christmas, but I did it. I spent a little more than I’d hoped to, but my “victim” was happy, and so was I. Then all that was left to do was to wait for my gift to arrive.

I waited, and then I waited some more.

By the time March rolled around, I’d accepted my giftless fate, and figured that I’d just have to be content in knowing that I’d done my part. “More important to give” and all that jazz.

Then last week this showed up.

I was not particularly shocked, as the fella who organized the whole affair had said that he’d be sending out consolation gifts to everyone whose Ninja Santa had flaked. Apparently the flake rate was really high this year, and Nich was paying for these consolation gifts out of his own pocket, so to say that he’s a pretty good dude would be a serious understatement.

Let’s take a look at what’s inside, shall we?

A big book of ghost stories! Mammoth, even, if the cover is to be believed. I’m so very happy to have received this book, as I’ve been crazy about ghost stories since I was a wee lad. In my adult life, I’ve not read a single one, so this fills a long-neglected niche.

It’s worth mentioning that I am also legitimately terrified of ghosts, regardless of whether they’re real or not, so this book will probably contribute to more than a few sleepless nights. I can’t wait!

Also a collection of old horror comics! This is exactly the kind of thing that I would spend my own dollars on if I had some to spare, so I’m also really happy with this.

For whatever reason, I have a deep appreciation for Golden Age comics. I don’t have a clue where it comes from, but I look at this book and I think that it’s exactly the kind of thing that I want to be reading.

I’m not very familiar with EC Comics on the whole, but I’ve had a life-long fascination with Tales From the Crypt, so a publication of a similar theme should be right up my alley, yes? Only time will tell for sure, but I can’t imagine any reality in which I end up disappointed after reading through this volume.

So that’s my Festivus haul. I’d say that it goes above and beyond being a simple “consolation gift.” I know that if I had to shell out to supply gifts to all the folks who didn’t get, I’d probably have just sent out the same generic tchotchkes to everyone, rather than hand-picking personalized gifts. So it’s a good thing that I don’t ever plan to run Festivus.

Filler time: Articles for grown-ups

It’s no secret to anyone who knows me: I’m a child living an adult’s life. I appreciate a lot of things that people my age aren’t supposed to, if advertising and demographics have anything to say about it. Marketing is all a big load of crap, anyway.

I guess the point is that I don’t have any ideas in my head at the moment, and I don’t have the gumption to type up the weekly Dark Souls entry. Wait, no, that’s what I wasn’t supposed to say. I’m supposed to make it seem like I’m doing something inspired.

Anyway, I type about a lot of goofy things that are emblematic of childhood. Cartoons, Nintendo games, candy. If you scroll up from the bottom of the article list, you’ll see that it takes a long time to get to anything very grown-uppy. Or at least, that’s my interpretation of it. So that’s why today, I’m going to link you to a small selection of old articles that stand out as somewhat more mature among the sea of childish crap that I’ve written.

28 Days Later (2003) – The first movie I ever reviewed, and it’s a scaaary one. Probably because it’s one of the first (if not the actual first) movies with fast zombies. So it turns a kind of slow, tense staple into something much more fierce and immediately frightening. Please note that I have not watched this movie since then.

Catherine (2011) – Undoubtedly a truly mature game, as it deals with many very grown-up themes. Also there are boobies and monsters, but the heart of the game is literally about growing up, accepting responsibility, and figuring out what you want to do with your life.

Chicken Wings (2005) – Chicken wings are undoubtedly a fun finger food, which is pretty child-like, However, wings are most prominent where? Bars, that’s where. Kids don’t go to bars. They’re also one of the staple foods of sports-watching, or so I’ve been told, and sports-watching is a pretty grown-up kind of thing.

Mate1.com Hates You (2006) – To date, still the most popular thing I’ve ever published, if fan e-mails are anything to go by. Mate1.com, if you’re not already aware, is an online dating website. Those are most definitely not for children. It’s not really for anybody, as far as this article is concerned.

Remembering the Cottage (2007) – Yeah, it’s an article entirely about childhood memories, but that in and of itself makes it kinda grown-up, right? I mean, kids don’t reminisce. You have to be old and at least a little world-weary before you really understand nostalgia. Some might say that I’m not old enough to say something like that, but I respectfully have no comment.

True Crime: Streets of LA (2003) – The first video game that I wrote about that earned an M rating from the ESRB. I guess that’s all I really have to say about that. I haven’t written about a lot of games that feature non-laser guns.

To Read an E

I got this thing the other day. But I suppose that isn’t the beginning of the story…

koboarc7

I’ve been buying Humble Bundles here and there, and since I’m very interested in the promos, I’ve agreed to let them send me emails about new Bundles and other related stuff. It was a couple months ago that I got an ad for Story Bundle, which is a similar idea, but they sell bunched of e-books instead of video games.

Anyway, the Story Bundle advertised was the third bundle of video game-related books. I wasn’t too interested, even though it included the entire run of Ray Barnholt’s Scroll magazine, which I really wanted, but would rather have the actual magaznies than epubs of. However, one word caught my eye and convinced me to drop the twelve bucks or whatever: Earthbound.

Yep, they sold me with a book about Earthbound. How was I supposed to resist that? You can present me with basically any piece about Earthbound and I’d gleefully read it. I just love the way that everybody seems to have a different story to tell about it. Anyway, I read that book right away on my phone, since I didn’t really have a choice in the matter. It was a painful experience, trying to read a novel on such a tiny screen. It was then that I decided it was finally time to pick up an eReader.

I kind of forgot about that mission for a while though.

Last weekend, the wife and I were killing some time in Chapters before a movie, and I noted that there was a big kiosk covered in eReaders. We talked about it and looked at them for a while, and decided to think about it and make our decision after looking around the rest of the store. I hung out in the comics section while she browsed, and when we reconvened, we selected the Kobo Arc 7HD.

This, I should note, is not really an eReader. It’s a straight-up tablet that’s very transparently masquerading as an eReader. See, I originally wanted to go cheap, but then we decided we wanted a colour screen, and from there it wasn’t a much more expensive leap to this bad girl. She was on sale too, so if there was ever a time to make a spontaneous technology purchase, that was it.

I never really wanted a tablet, but I couldn’t be happier with my purchase. I’m still not very familiar with the Android OS, but I’m getting there, and it’s been fun to learn how to use a new device. I’ve discovered that I really love reading on it, which I didn’t think I would. I love the feel and smell of a book, but the tablet is just so comfortable and light. I really had no idea how little I would miss flipping pages.

It’s also become my second favourite way to browse the internet. It loses out to the Wii U gamepad because I prefer browsing with a stylus to a finger, but it’s certainly more convenient, since the startup time is quite literally two seconds.

The only thing I dislike about this tablet is that it doesn’t have an SD card slot. Not that that’s really a huge issue, because I’ve been living with an iPhone for four and a half years now, but I may have shopped around a little more if I’d even thought about that beforehand. Also, I bought the thing to read books, not for games or music or movies. Sure, it can do those things, but I don’t see myself using it for them often, if at all.

Not a bad idea, the train

I’m not much of a reader. I used to be, back in the day. I used to read books by the… well, maybe not dozens exactly, but I used to read a whole lot more than I do now. I think I read a grand total of three novels last year?

It really is a damn shame too, because I love to read. I really do. Books are so much more interesting and deeper than movies and TV. Aside from me being completely obsessed with video games, I think the only thing that keeps me from reading more is the fact that it takes a really long time to read a book. I have a tough time sitting through a two-hour movie, so you can understand how my attention would easily wane while trying to work my way through a book. I’m a slow reader, too, and that certainly doesn’t help.

While perusing the internet last year, I happened to come across a piece of Mother 3 trivia that interested me: The twins in that game are named after a set of twins in a trio of novels. Intrigued, I did a search and upon reading the Amazon summary, I knew that these were books that I had to read.

bookoflies

The Notebook, The Proof, and The Third Lie. Collectively, they are apparently known as The Book of Lies, but the book that I bought gave the trilogy no such title. I bought it for my wife as a Christmas gift, since it sounded like something that she’d enjoy as well, and also because she actually does read a lot of books. But secretly (not actually secretly, as I told her outright), I had bought it for myself and waited patiently as she worked through it so that I could have my turn.

The day came, and I began reading. I was not hooked right away, but I think that by about 20 pages in I was finding it almost impossible to put down. I chipped away at it over a couple weeks. Somewhere in the middle of The Proof I set it down for a month or so, choosing to focus on handheld video games as my settling down activity before going to sleep. But then I picked it back up and burned through the rest in three consecutive nights. When I closed it and put it down on my nights stand, I wondered how long one should wait before re-reading a book. The only book I’ve read twice in the last decade was Monster Island.

And this is where I wish that I was smarter. I wish that I knew how to talk about books. I wish I knew how to intelligently express how I feel about the trilogy I just finished reading.

As it is, all I can leave you with is the sentiment that I absolutely loved these books. They were beautiful, and horrifying, and depressing, and inspiring, and heartrending. They were brilliant. It’s not often that I offer book recommendations, but go to Amazon right now and put your order in.

The only other book that I can recall being quite so gaga over is The Forever War, and I only wrote one sentence about that one. You know what I think it is about these books that proves that they’re so great? They make me want to read more.