Film – Page 14

Remembering the Cottage: Part 1

My fondest memories can more or less be summed up in three categories: “Shopping at Toys ‘R’ Us”, “Holidays/Trips”, and “The Cottage”. The first two categories can still potentially be added to, but sadly, the third is now sealed away as only memories.

I’ve mentioned many a time on this website (most often in the blog) my many visits to my grandparents’ house, which just happened to be a sweet cottage out on the Winnipeg River. The thing is, I never described many events in detail, or took any pictures while I was out there. to nearly everyone, this mysterious cottage could have just as well been a well-constructed myth. To me though, it was very real, and it was the essence of my summers. I spent at least two weeks out there during the summer months for as long as I can remember, and there were quite often other trips out there for such events as Spring Break, Christmas, Thanksgiving, family reunions, long weekends, and many more. It was a great place, and while I may not have appreciated it quite as much in my older years, it was still a place I loved being very much.

Imagine my heartbreak when I first heard that my grandparents were thinking about selling. As if enough bad mojo wasn’t surrounding me in the year 2007, but now my beloved cottage was going to be taken away? Yeah, it sucks balls. The place was actually sold right at the end of August, and on my last weekend out there, I decided I would take a few pictures so I could put them on a webpage laced with wonderful stories of the time I’d spent there. This is that page, and it’s definitely more for my own sake than for anyone else to read, but feel free to sift through it. There are a lot of memories and strong emotions here, so don’t expect even an attempt at humour.

The TV Room

Overview: Ah, the TV room. I probably spent more hours here than anywhere else, but there are a couple catches that help to make that seem less like I was glued to the TV for all the time I was at the cottage. The most obvious one would be that for a couple years I used one of the couches as my bed, so that racks up the hours pretty quickly. If I regret anything in my lifetime, it’s that I didn’t spend nearly enough time out on the balcony that extends from this room. Don’t know why, but it just never seemed like the place I should be hanging out.

Atari: I guess the earliest thing I can remember this room for is that it’s where we had out Atari. Long before I got hooked on video games, my dad left his Atari system out here, only to be dug up many years later so he could show me the kind of games that were around before the NES. I spent many many hours playing Kangaroo, Pitfall, and Pac-Man. Even back when I was only but a wee lad, I could recognize that ET was the worst game ever made. The biggest mystery about the whole thing though, was that we had a manual for Donkey Kong, but there was nary a cartridge to go with it. Oh, how I burned to play Donkey Kong.

Simpsons & Bonding time: My younger cousin would often come in to visit at the same time we did in the summers, and it worked out well because he’s very much like me, so myself and The Youngest One would often spend a lot of time hanging out in here with him and playing whatever handheld game was in at the time. Or just whatever the most recent Pokémon game was. Those two are even more into Pokémon than I am, and I would always get into it when we came out to the cottage, because the young ones just wouldn’t shut up about it, and that would drag me into it. The Tall One and I were also deeply entrenched in the MegaMan Battle Network series, and it was pretty much a summertime tradition to buy the games just before we went out the cottage and simply play the Hell out of them while we were there. Both series of games brought me not only the regular pleasure of playing video games, but also a lot of valuable bonding time with my brothers and cousin. Sure, I can still play with them at home, but it’s just not the same. Also, my grandparents got satellite TV a few years back, and it seemed like that on any given evening that we were there, the Simpsons would always be on at least one channel, so we generally always had that on in the background. Good times, they were. Good times.

Movie night: Back in the day, my grandpa would often borrow a bunch of movies from a neighbour so we had something to watch while we were out there (this was before the satellite, and we were restricted to like three fuzzy channels). This is notable because it’s the first place I ever saw Kindergarten Cop, which remains my favourite Schwarzenegger film, and is near the top of my overall favourites. Many other times, while my grandparents were staying in the city, my family would come out for the weekend and basically binge on junk food and watch movies. Most of them were stinkers like RV and Epic Movie (to name some of the most recent), but it was still cherished time spent with my family and many, many cookies.

Random thoughts: It was a great place to hang out, and of course we often brought more in the way of video games than handhelds, as Atari was fun, but never quite enough. We fought over which console we would bring each time almost as much as we fought over who got to sit in that big reclining chair you can see in the second picture. I played a lot of Donkey Kong 64 out here, and that particular week at the cottage remains one of the most memorable for many reasons. I’ll always carry in my heart the memories of the first time I caught all the legendary birds in Pokémon Blue, as they were all while I was out at the cottage. I spent many subsequent trips out there playing through the game again and again, always reliving my triumphs over Zapdos, Articuno and Moltres with a smile on my face, often in the middle of the night when I should have been long asleep.

Guest Bedrooms

Overview: Only one is pictures, but there were actually two bedrooms upstairs. While I suppose they weren’t technically guest bedrooms, nobody used them but guests, so there you have it. Until the shed outside was turned into a mini-cottage of sorts (more on that later), we would often sleep in these rooms. For a handful of years I slept in the TV Room, as I mentioned before, but these were where we stayed the majority of the time.

Bedtime: The room you see pictured is actually the final phase of that room’s series of redecorations. Initially it had two huge beds lined against the window wall and the wall opposite the shelving. And when I say huge, I mean huge enough to play underneath with plenty of room to spare. I guess they were more high up than anything else, but while they were in there, I was still small enough to think they were gigantic. Until The Youngest One was born, the older two and I would sleep in this room together, a crib or mattress was placed in the empty floor when needed, and I moved onto the second bedroom room when The Youngest One came along and three beds weren’t enough to satisfy the four of us. But until that time, we spent many nights staying up “late” (back when 10:30 was late) and telling stories and jokes in the dark. Being all boys, there was plenty of roughhousing after bedtime too, and I really miss those times.

Bedtime 2: Eventually, when I moved onto the second upstairs bedroom, I was on my own and free to do whatever I pleased instead of sleeping. Obviously, I used that time alone to play GameBoy, listen to music, and read (most memorably the Final Fantasy VIII strategy guide, because that was another completely kickass summer) all through the night. Once the boys started sleeping outside (in the aforementioned shed) I took over the original room for myself again, and at that point it had been rearranged into the room you see in the picture above.

Comics: You can see the shelving in the picture, but hidden behind the pile of assorted sheets and whatnot is a huge collection of comics. They consisted mostly of Archie, Alf, Heathcliff, and Richie Rich. While those aren’t exactly my first choices in comics nowadays, I was pleased as punch to spend countless afternoons leafing through them. And though it took me a couple years to get the job done, I did eventually read through them all. Taking note of my love of comics, my grandpa started saving me the Sunday comics from the Free Press every week, and every time I went out to the cottage he’d always have a stack of funnies for me to peruse. He still saves them for me to this day, and I haven’t put any time aside to read through them for a while now, so I’ve got a rather large pile in my closet just waiting to be read or thrown out.

Horsin’ Around: Back when we were young, and the huge beds were still in the room, my brothers and I spent a lot of time playing in there, often concluding in someone being injured, however slightly. The number one game would be “Lava Monster”, which I know is not exclusive to us, because I’ve seen characters on TV playing it. But in case you have no idea, basically one person would be the Lava Monster and have to stay on the floor, and anyone else would be trying to stay on the beds while the Lava Monster tried to pull them down “into the lava”. The limited playfield may seem like an issue when I describe it, but it was more than enough when we were just lil’ guys. Plus, we’d always get any other visiting children to join in too, so sometimes the Lava Monsters would amount to more than one, depending on rules (either “Tag” or “Last Man Standing”).

Random Thoughts: Now that I think about it, I guess probably the thing I miss most about the cottage (and childhood in general) was playing with the older two of my brothers. While we still hang out and play video games together now and then, we don’t spend nearly as much time together as we did when we went to the cottage. Back when we were kids, we fought a lot (like, seriously, a lot) at home, but as soon as we got to the cottage, we were like best friends. It’s weird to say because I still see them every day, but I kinda miss my brothers. The Youngest One, I still find plenty of time to hang out with though, so at least I’ve got that. For now.

The Kitchen / Dining Room

Overview: Honestly, the living room, dining room, and kitchen are pretty much all the same room. But that’s hardly the point here. Being the glutton that I am, this area of the house holds just as many lovely memories for me as any other room. My grandma is a wonderful cook, and even the simplest dishes meant a lot, just because. I’ll certainly miss the couple weeks each year where I was guaranteed to have three square meals a day.

Breakfast time: Where to start? I suppose breakfast would be the obvious one. I’m not a big breakfast eater. I adore the meal, but very rarely to I have enough motivation or time to partake. The nice thing about the cottage is that breakfast was always a sure thing (with the exception of the later years where I would stay up too late and sleep right through breakfast time). Most of the time it would be a simple cereal/toast/fruit affair, but that was okay. My grandpa would always have the paper completely read by the time I got up, so when I was eating breakfast, he’d have the comics and puzzles pulled out and ready for me. Eating cereal is twice as awesome when you’ve got a crossword laid out for you and someone to chat with. On the best mornings, my grandma would make pancakes. Oh, those were mornings to really treasure. Until later on when grandma didn’t feel like making tons of them, my brothers and I would always compete to see who could scarf down the most. Good times were had by everyone, but our bellies were probably the happiest of all. Lazy mornings are probably my absolute most favourite thing in the world, and at the cottage, they were all that much better.

Lunch: I never looked quite as forward to lunch as much as I did breakfast, but I still like to revel in the nostalgia of noon-related meals. Most of all, would be when I was between eight and twelve or so, and we would often get the boat out and go fishing with my grandpa in the mornings. We’d always get bored pretty quickly and just resort to fooling around on the boat, but going home was a payoff in more than just getting back on dry land. My grandma would generally have lunch ready by that time, and it was awesome. Coming home to a big plate of sandwiches, veggies, cheese, cookies, and all sorts of etc was just superb after a long morning of fishing. Of course, lunch was great on other days, but those are the ones I remember the most. Looking back on this, I guess maybe it all sounds a bit mundane, but you really had to be there. Being pre-adolescent would help too.

Dinner: This is where grandma’s cooking really comes into play. You’re not going to do anything too fancy for lunch, but dinner is a different story. Grandpa often joked that he ate like a king whenever we were over, and I suppose maybe it’s not too far from the truth. I’m a notoriously picky eater, so I would often pick at some things, but most of the time I ate really well. Hams were especially common, and my family seems to be imbued with the power of making wicked awesome mashed potatoes. Going to the cottage on special occasions was great too, because that meant my grandma would make an extra huge and extra delicious dinner, which was always something to look forward to, even for one with as particular eating habits as me. In fact, I actually wrote about one particularly wonderful Easter dinner on the blog. Turns out it would be the last Easter diner we ever ate there….

Elsewhere…

Overview: While it’s true that being at the cottage was in itself the high point of going to the cottage, there were plenty of other cool places nearby to spend time. Most were great for adventuring while we were little, and some offered more than a simple thrill of an excursion into the unknown. All of them though, played a vital role in making trips to the cottage as memorable as the were.

Town: The cottage was about a five minute drive from the nearest town, Lac du Bonnet. I never cared too much for it while younger, but as I grew, I started to realize that it was more than just a grocery store and a beach. Annual Canada Day parades, while officially boring as Hell, would become an important family tradition, and the fireworks afterward only seem to get better each year. It was also home to the only dollar store where I’d ever seen the infamous Nintendo Surprise. It has since closed down and moved to a much larger building, and the goods within have become only slightly less magical. When Subway moved in, it was all we talked about for ages. The only chain restaurant that had been in the town until then was Chicken Chef, and that’s not the kind of place you just go on a whim. Nope, after Subway moved in, I don’t think there was one trip to the cottage where we didn’t partake.

Town 2: Pinawa is a little farther away, and we visited less often, but always for good reason. Firstly, I would like to mention that if it weren’t for my need to shop compulsively for various electronic media, this is exactly the kind of place I would like to live in. It’s small, but not tiny, and most if not all of the houses are quite nice. I’ve always entertained the thought of living in a small town, and Pinawa has always romanticized that idea. Anyhow, the main attraction here is The Burger Boat & Ice Cream Barge. It’s not the best ice cream place I’ve ever gone, but there’s something special about getting your ice cream from a boat. Always a special occasion, going to The Burger Boat was something to really get excited about. Seriously! On a boat! Turns out they even have their own web page. Neat!

The Boat Launch: A short hike away from the cottage, there’s a boat launch that I’ve never seen anyone use for boats. We’d go swimming or fishing off it, but never any boats. Probably because nearly everyone with a boat in the area has their own boat launch, but that’s besides the point. In any case, over the years, it became more of a point just for me to travel out to just to get some alone/thinking time. There were better spots for such things, but they were all farther away, and I’m lazy. The hike there was worth mentioning too, as there was always a bunch of stuff on the way. Mostly bodies of water to skip rocks in and bales of hay to climb on, but they meant a lot back in the day.

The Rocks: Along Tower Road was, that’s right, a tower. To this day I’m not sure exactly what kind of tower it was. Maybe a broadcasting tower of some sort? No idea, but that’s not what we ventured over there for. All around the mysterious tower were what seemed like endless miles of rocks perfectly fit for climbing. Heading out there at least once per summer, we’d make entire days of climbing around, searching for something, but not quite knowing what that something was. Maybe we were looking for anything at all? To me, it always seemed like the formations had changed, but I guess that’s dumb to say. I know they couldn’t have, but I guess my mental mapping skills weren’t entirely developed by then. We did, on occasion, find a small pile of rocks that signified that someone else had been wandering around there too, and we’d often set up our own little rock piles, with the intent of showing both other people and ourselves that we’d been there already. I haven’t been out there since I was about fifteen, and many times I’ve considered just making a trip out there to visit both Lac du Bonnet and Pinawa, and to spend the rest of the day climbing around on the rocks I so loved as a young’un. Maybe I’ll get around to it one of these summers.

More!: Yeah. There’s still more here. Hell, I could go on nearly forever with stories of my youth in any of these categories. It just so happens that the ones that take place outside sound infinitely less boring to everyone else. There were a lot of other places we’d head out to see what we could see, often against our wills. The Pinawa Dam was close enough that we didn’t mind going, but there still wasn’t much of interest. Point Du Bois was much farther away, and while it held a bunch of great memories for my grandparents and dad, there’s like nothing there that’s even remotely interesting to anyone who never lived/spent summers there. There were all sorts of other landmarks that my grandparents liked to take us to, like a big ol’ suspension bridge, and yet another dam. All were pretty boring and mosquito-filled, but in the end, I appreciate them taking us, because as lackluster as they are, they still count as good memories.

Woof. Considering that I haven’t tapped even half the pictures I took, this article could very well go on forever. We certainly don’t want that, now do we? No. So, keeping everyone’s best interest in mind, I’ll stop here for the moment and call it Part One. How many more will there be? Who knows! It’ll likely only be a two-parter, but if I’m as verbose with ther rest of the pictures as I’ve been with the ones I’ve posted so far, we’ll likely be seeing a Part Three as well. But that’ll be the absolute limit. Even if I tried, there’s no way I could justify doing this in a four-part series. I guess you can’t really put a limit on your memories, but the honest truth is that most of the events that I found significant and still dream happily about would be viewed as horribly mundane by pretty much anyone else. So keep an eye out for number two. Given how long it took me to finish this one, we should be seeing it by the second half of 2011.

Children of the by-products

I’m a huge fan of horror movies. I think most are aware of this fact. The thing is, I missed a lot because my search for classics rarely ever took me any farther back than the late 70’s. As of late though, I’ve been really into the really old stuff, as I mentioned quite recently. Since any moives, nevermind horror, that are that old are hard to come across, I have a tendency to pick up anything I find that looks like it may have come before Jason and Freddy arrived on the scene.

And that beings us to the It’s Alive trilogy. conveniently sold in a three-pack. It was only $12 at Wal-Mart too, so how could I say no? Matt had actually mentioned on his blog that he’d bought the first movie that day, and I thought it was more than coincidence for me to see the entire trilogy sitting there for what amounts to little more than pocket change.

The thing about movies though, is that I buy them by the armfuls, and then never feel like commiting the twoish hours to sit down and watch them. I did watch all three It’s alive movies though, it took about a month, but by gum I did it! Didn’t even sleep thorugh any! The great part is that they’re actually pretty good!

The basic plot of the first movie is that a guy and his wife give birth to this freak baby, who immediately slaughters everyone in the delivery room, and then escapes and goes on a bloody rampage. You wouldn’t know it, but it ends up being social commentary and haing a moral message of sorts. The second and thrid movies take the overall story and themes and expand on them, causing a little less bloodshed each time, but remaining interesting and (to some degree) meaningful.

The nice thing about these movies is that they very rarely give you good glimpses of the creatures. I mean, the first one was made in 1974, and puppetry wasn’t quite up to standards at the time, but I like that way of doing things. It gives you a chance to imagine on your own what the little buggers look like, and in that respect, I’m a little disappointed that with each sequel, the creatures get more and more screentime.

When all’s said and done, I quite enjoiyed the It’s Alive trilogy. Some would likely debate that they go down in quality as they progress, but I think they keep up appearances long enough to make it through all three movies. Had there been a fourth movie, that probably would have been pushing it, but three is the charm here. For the price, this trilogy set is absolutely recommended, if only for the groan-inducing interior decorating in the fisrt and second movies. Oh, the early seventies, how tacky you were!

Special effects are overrated

I’ve been pretty hooked on two channels lately: Turner Classic Movies and American Movie Classics. It got to the point of realizing I had a problem when I stayed up all night last Halloween watching a Boris Karloff marathon, even though I had to work the next morning. But so what? Old movies kick ass, and watching those two channels as much as I have recently has made me realize just how much everything that comes out of Hollywood these days kinda sucks. I miss low-budget special effects. I miss completely retarded stories that somehow contain a brilliant social commentary. I miss camp. Oh sweet Jesus, do I miss camp.

For years I’ve known the story of War of the Worlds, as well as the infamous radio version debacle. It’s one of my favourite science fiction stories of all time. As I walked out of the newer version of the flick, pretty much all I heard was people complaining about the ending. What the fuck guys? It’s an incredibly popular story, how the Hell did you miss it? In any case, I really liked it, Tom Cruise and all.

I’d never seen the original film version of War of the Worlds until recently, when I caught it on AMC one lazy Sunday afternoon. I was lucky enough to flip by right a the beginning, and intrigued by the fact that it was the original, I decided it was something that I must watch. Not a week later I was out trying to find the film on DVD (needless to say, I loved it), and came across the beauty you see to the left.

Double/triple feature DVDs seem to be all the rage right now, as I see more and more of them every time I browse the movie sections at Wal-Mart and Best Buy. Most of the time, they don’t seem like anything I care to invest in, but the odd time I come across pure gold, like the War of the Worlds/When Worlds Collide pack, and the It’s Alive trilogy (more on that another day). I’d never even heard of When Worlds Collide when I saw this, but given that I was going to buy War of the Worlds anyway, and the double pack was the same price as the solo WotW, it was kind of a brainless move.

I’m going to assume that everyone knows the general plot to War of the Worlds, so I’ll skip that part. If you don’t have any idea what it’s about, you might want to catch up on your genre-defining stories, you uncultured swine. Anyway, I like it way more than the new one. Yeah, it may lack fancy-pants special effect, but the crap effects are hilarious and take me back to a day I wasn’t around to actually experience. The characters, though many more in number, are better if anything, and the entire movie has an undeniable charm that makes it totally lovable. The next logical step for me would be to, you know, read the book.

When Worlds Collide is a very similar beast, though mostly because old sci-fi movies all have a lot in common. Like the gigantic plot holes, for example! The premise for this movie is that a foreign planet is on route to pass close by to the Earth, with its sun following right behind, which is on a direct crash-course with Earth. So what to do? Build a rocket ship to carry a handful of people onto the new planet as it passes by so that the human race isn’t totally wiped out when Earth is crushed by the oncoming star. This was totally sound in 1951, but knowing all we do about space and stuff these days, the timeframe of the movie really fudges up a lot of stuff. The most notable oversight being that the Earth would be burnt to a crisp long before the star smashes into it, which the movie completely fails to consider.

But it’s okay! When Worlds Collide is otherwise a decent movie! The pacing is a little fast, because the plot runs over the course of about a year. In that respect, you miss some of the necessary gradual progression of things like relationships between the characters, but this fault can be overlooked, because otherwise the movie would be like five hours long. The characters are generally pretty likable, some in a “love to hate” way, and the plot is a pretty fun sci-fi take on early space exploration. Granted, I slept through about 15 minutes in the middle, but I’m happy to have watched this movie. It’s the kind of thing you put on every once in a while to remind you that global disaster movies used to be good.

Do I recommend this DVD set? Hells yeah! These are two timeless stories that everyone should be able to enjoy. They’re fun and touching, and I can’t imagine why you wouldn’t enjoy them. I know I enjoy a lot of crappy movies, but I firmly believe that War of the Worlds and When Worlds Collide are two great films. That said, I’m old.

Feel the glow of commerce

Since the theme around here this year seems to be really heavy on materialism, I think I’ve got a good idea! Well, maybe an okay idea. I’ve already got two days covered, so I’ve decided that until the 24th, I’m going to post and review one item I’ve recently bought per day. Kind of like a poor man’s version of a certain other site’s annual holiday countdowns. expect mostly movies and CDs, but possibly some surprises. Who knows? I haven’t really thought it through yet.

Today’s entry is going to play off yesterday’s lengthy post, in that it’s also Fullmetal Alchemist related. This time, it’s the movie! Yes, that’s right. After watching the series, I tried downloading this like three times, but always managed to get alternate language versions (French, German, and Japanese). I really wish people would tag their torrents better. So I gave up, and when I was out getting the season one box sets, I decided to pick the movie up to. For completion’s sake, you see.

I’ll note at this point that I got the standard edition. There was a two-disc special edition as well, but it was significantly more moneys, and the extra bonus features really didn’t sell me on spending nearly double what I intended to. Plus, I’d never seen the thing, and I couldn’t justify dropping that much on something I might end up not liking. I’m an impulse buyer at heart, but I only pick up stuff I’m gambling on when it’s cheap.

Long story short, I think I made the right move. This is not to say that the Fullmetal Alchemist movie is a bad movie. In fact, it was a rather inspired movie, keeping with the general feel of the show, yet introducing some other, possibly even deeper concepts. Since it plays directly off the ending of the series, I won’t go into detail about the plot to prevent spoilers (even though by this point anyone who cares has seen every episode).

Much like the series, the FMA movie is mostly about plot and character development. A couple new people are in there and don’t get quite as much screen time as you’d expect for a major character, but they still manage to give you more than enough details to identify with these characters and understand exactly who they are and why they’re motivated to do what they do. The downside is that for anyone who isn’t a fan of the show, most of the recurring characters and mechanics are only briefly introduced (Wrath in particular), and you’ll have no idea who they are or how they manage to do the things they do. Of course, I doubt many people who didn’t follow the seires will be watching the movie, but still.

In keeping with the focus on the characters, action sequences are kept short and aren’t overly common, which again coincides with the show’s formula. The movie actually opens with an undeniably fun action scene, which makes for a really good hook, but from there on in, it’s about an hour until the next. I’m not griping about this or anything, just stating the facts. Fanservice is minimal too, and kept to fit with the plot. They don’t hamfistedly cram any fan-favourite characters in just to please, excpt for when Scar sort of shows up at the end, but even that’s a perfectly reasonable appearance.

In the end, I can’t say that the Fullmetal Alchemist movie really lived up to the the series. It was a good way to end the story, but didn’t completely satisfy. For all the good things that it brings to the table, the middle is uncharacteristically slow and somewhat dull. That’s about all I ahve to gripe about though. The extras that come with the standard edition DVD are more than enough, including a huge 18-page booklet filled with notes on the movie’s development, character and theme information, and artwork. Also included are a 40-minute “making of” documentary, trailers and art galleries. I don’t remember what extras were on the special edition, but they weren’t enough for me to justify spending almost double. In all, I recommend the standard edition to the fan, special edition being reserved more for the fanboy and those with money to blow. Outsiders will just be confused as all hell, so unless you intend to watch the entire series first, FMA newbs should just stay away.

Murder? Check.

I went out after work today to find some stuff. Stuff to buy. The main object of my quest was Dethklok’s album, The Dethalbum. I did not find it. This is bad. My parents got me the soundtracks for the first two (original) Star Wars movies for Christmas like ten years ago, but never got me the Jedi soundtrack. Today, after years of searching, I found it. This is good. I finally got around to watching Resident Evil: Apocalypse last night. It was a little silly at some points, but overall I liked it, and decided I wanted to purchase the first RE movie. I could not find it though. This is bad. However, I was marginally surprised that Corner Gas Season 4 had snuck into stores without me noticing. This is good.

Um, I guess the moral of this story is that I really want The Dethalbum. I have it downloaded (two copies, actually), but it’s a CD I kind of need to own. Have you heard the album version of “Thunderhorse”? It’s like a billion times more metal than the watered-down version that’s on Guitar Hero 2. But I’ll warn you though, not just anybody should listen to it, because I’m pretty sure that it’s so brutal that it will literally kill anyone who’s not awesome enough. Oh, what the Hell? Fuck copyrights, here, download it. And now that I’ve done you that favour, do me one and go buy The Dethalbum. Maybe if I can convince people to buy it, nobody will sue me for putting that song there.

Oh, and if you’ve never heard of Dethklok… yeah…

I can get back on

It’s been June for a few days now, and with another week of vacation looming on the horizon, I guess there’s no better time to get the Band of the Month post done with is the present. This month? RUSH!

Yeah, that’s right. It’s mother fucking RUSH!!! I don’t know… I kind of get excited when talking about Rush, or listening to Rush, or thinking about Rush… Odd obsession aside, I obviously love the band. For a while back in the day I really couldn’t get why everyone seemed to like them so much, and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I still don’t quite understand it, but Rush is up near the top of the list of my favourite bands.

What better time to do a Band of the Month on Rush than June? The answer: May. Seven days ago May to be particular, when they released their most recent album: Snakes And Arrows. I only picked it up yesterday (what in God’s name took so long?), and to tell the truth, I was really looking for Harlequin’s new disc, Waking The Jester, but had no luck there. Snakes and Arrows was technically my consolation prize… Damn. It’s odd though, because I’ve heard their new single “Far Cry” on the radio tons of times, and each time I said to myself that I should go pick up the CD, but it never really happened until yesterday. Odd.

Anyhow, Rush has a pretty nice place in mainstream entertainment too. Not only is “Spirit of Radio” the Trailer Park Boys Movie theme (not to mention that the Big Dirty Band was founded by Alex Lifeson and features Geddy Lee), but there was a whole episode revolving around them in season four; it remains one of my favourite episodes. The wicked instrumental piece “YYZ” is one of the most fun songs to play in Guitar Hero 2, and Fry’s “Rush mixtape” is one of my choice Futurama moments (right behind every scene with Zoidberg in it, and the entire “Roswell That Ends Well” Episode).

Official site

Rush on Last.fm

Wikipedia: Rush

Wikipedia: the Big Dirty Band

Baby I’m on fire

You’ve probably all seen that ridiculous Shrek-endorsed peanut butter M&Ms commercial. You know the one. Yeah. That dumb one where nothing really happens. The thing they fail to mention is that Shrek slapped his face on far more candy than M&Ms. Like this Snickers bar with “Green Shrek Filling”.

Yes, I’m completely incompetent with a camera, but you should be well aware of that by now.

Despite its intense blurriness, the Snickers is, predictably, the exact same as a regular Snickers bar. Only difference is that some of the delicious insides are coloured green. And I actually had to preen away most of the rest of the bar to get as much green in that pic as I did, because there’s very little of it in there. I’m not going to complain though. I bought it mostly because I love Snickers, and only a little because I wanted to eat a Snickers with green on the inside.

Rock so hard I sink ships

I was going to spend the short amount of time I have before work this morning playing Pokémon, but there’s a fire in my lungs, and it just needs to be getting out. So, today, you’re going to witness one of the very few actual bloglike posts here on the TE blog. And by that, I mean it’s going to be nothing but complaining about people complaining!

We’ve all seen Spider-Man 3 by now, and half the people liked it, half of them hated it. Why so much hate? Apparently the fact that once the alien symbiote bonds with Peter Parker, he goes “emo”. And this completely ruins the movie for some people. Now, I was a little perturbed myself by Peter’s makeover scenes, but for a completely different reason. You see, the fact of the matter is, you’re all complete douchebags. Peter Parker never turns emo. Not once. He doesn’t even come close. “But he moves his hair a little emo-ish!” you scream in defense of your moronic ideal. That’s waht makes you even more of a douche. And my near-constant typos are what make me a douche.

If you think the fact that Pete pulls down some of his hair over his forehead makes him emo, you clearly have no concept of what the word means. You’re just throwing it out there because you heard someone else use it and you need to be the loudest in the sea of idiots who accuse everything of being the latest big buzzword. That sea of idiots is commonly called “the internet”.

But seriously, emo haircuts are so different that it hurts me on the inside to know that people have misconstrued Parker’s hairstyle as such. For one, emo hair is always dyed some colour. Be it jet black, jet black with red highlights, or jet black with blonde highlights, it is always dyed some colour. Peter’s hair in the movie? It’s not even an overly dark shade of brown! Fuck, you guys are stupid! Probably the worst part of this trainwreck chain of opinions is that you’re calling him emo based solely on his hair. Peter exhibits not one other trait of someone who lives the emo lifesyle at all in the movie.

Generally speaking, emo kids will haul themselves up in their room all the time so that they can do stupid emo things, like cut themselves, blog about their feelings, and write crappy poetry. Did Peter Parker do one of these things in to the movie? No! Amazing! You might say that Pete spent a lot of time in his room, but remember that it was solely to listen to that cop radio so he could find and destroy Sandman. That’s not emo, kids. That’s determination. And maybe a bit of unhealthy obsession.

We’ll also take a look at the fact that if anything, Peter has a more active social life after the symbiote bonds with him. He prowls the town, dancing quite happily (as you’ll notice, emos will always be depressed), and even though it’s a dumb scene, it totally conflicts with calling him emo. Emo kids dress like shit, and Pete’s fashion sense actually got better as he got eviler. Hell, he even pops his collar, which is totally the “in” thing to do, and you may note that no emo kid in the world would ever, under any circumstance, dress in any fashion that would be considered “in”. Especially the popped collar.

I got sidetracked by the fashion thing, but let’s get back to the social scene. If an emo’s girlfriend broke up with him, he would proabbly sit in his room, slicing his wrists to ribbons and writing shitty poetry with his blood. What did Peter Parker do? He went out and picked up a hotter girl (though nearly any girl is hotter than Kirsten Dunst), and proceeded to take her to the jazz club where his ex was working, and made a huge scene just to piss her off. Emo? Not in any way. That was just a really big dick move.

I really would like to go on some more, but for the sake of I can barely keep my ideas straight, I’ll cut out here. I’m not trying to say Spider-Man 3 is a perfect movie or anything, because it’s far from it. God knows that there are many, many problems with the film, but Peter Parker being emo is not one of them. What I am trying to say is that you should really know what you’re talking about before you go criticizing something. Peter was many things in the movie; a crybaby, a prick, and kind of a douche, but he most certainly was NOT emo.

Oh, and Spider-Man 3 is still my favourite of the trilogy based solely on Bruce Campbell’s fantastically hilarious cameo. The rest I could take or leave.

Knock knock knock, before you enter

I was supposed to be heading out to the cottage this morning, but since my brother had to work until 4, the trip has been postponed for a couple hours. That means time for blogging!

Another upside to the extra time is that I was finally able to convince myself to sit down and watch Pan’s Labyrinth. I am now ashamed that it took me so many days to do so. Pan’s Labyrinth is not at all the kind of movie I normally watch, as it has a good plot, good actors, and no zombies. It’s also entirely in Spanish. But little things aside, I totally agree with everyone who gave it stars of approval. It’s a fantastic movie, with so very very much imagination and tenison and emotion and all those other good things. It’s a little on the predictable side, but then again, 97% of all movies are completely predictable. It seems that the only thing people care to do after seeing a movie is to point out its flaws, so I’m not even going to try to think of anything I didn’t like about the movie. My friends do more than enough bitching and whining about every movie under the sun to make up for my lack thereof, so don’t worry, it all balances out in the end.

Also! I guess it’s probably been around for a couple weeks now, but on Thursday I discovered that McDonald’s is pormoting a new Shrek-themed milkshake. It’s notable because it’s the Shamrock Shake! Well, sort of.

I guess to call the… whatever they call it… a Shamrock Shake would be inaccurate. But it does taste startlingly close to the minty goodness of the retired (in most places, but especially in Canada) St. Patty’s Day shake. The only difference is that in addition to the delicate mint flavouring, there’s also a tinge of chocolate in there as well, making it that much more special. In any case, it’s probably the closest I’m ever going to get to the delicious Shamrock Shake in my lifetime, and it’s likely not going to last long either, so I’m treasuring the motherfuckers like they’re gold. Sweet, minty, gold. Damn. I should probably be buying one right now. Maybe when I’m done with this post…

I think the last thing I have to mention today is that last Friday was declared “National Pick On Ryan Day” at Toys ‘R’ Us. Which is stupid, because if it’s only recognized by a select few girls/women at a single store, how can it possibly be “National”? But yeah, in all seriousness, it was pretty much the same as every other day, in that they like to pick on me all the time anyway. I guess I didn’t mind the extra attention though. Any day when girls talk to me on purpose is a good day.

Workin’ on a mystery

I don’t know if you’ve been paying attention or anything, but the TMNT games were released a few days ago. While eight different platforms were graced with the newest Turtles game and I own seven of them (all eight soon enough), I only picked up the Wii and DS versions. To secure my title as a true TMNT fanboy, I probably should have gotten all of them, but I don’t hate money that much. Anyway, short reviews…

The Wii version, which is probably identical to the PS2, PSP, 360, GC, and PC verions of the game, is pretty kickass. Ubisoft stole the rights to the game from Konami, and that alone fills me with hope (though to their credit, I did enjoy all the Konami produced Turtles games). Thankfully, Ubisoft took what they knew best and applied it directly to the TMNT video game. The game plays like a faster brother of the recent Prince of Persia games, which means it’s essentially sweet acrobatics interspersed with some fighting here and there. The game mostly takes place on rooftops and in alleyways and sewers, as the Turtles aren’t exactly the most welcome creatures in New York. Jumping around the city and running up and along walls feels great, and as a PoP vet, I caught on really quickly and kicked ass right from the start. Fighting is pretty simple and doesn’t occur overly often, which is okay, because just jamming around town is more than enough fun on its own. What I really like about the game are the levels where you can hotswap between all four brothers. Each turtle has his own acrobatic move, and swapping turtles on the fly to get past stuff feels awesome and has the potential to impress viewers. Team moves are also really neat, while kind of limited. Also, the game is a bit easy, because you just can’t die. The only real challenge is getting good ranks at the end of each level, which can be rough.

The DS version is the same, but completely different. It’s again all about jumping around wherever in the city, but rather than the regular one button jump and control pad to move around, you’ve got set jump points. See, you get a little free movement on wide rooftops or bridge beams or whatever, but most of the time, the jumps are semi-automatic. Your top three face buttons each make you jump in different directions, (Y is left, X is straight, A is right), and your job is to see where the next target markers are and hit the right button at the right time. It’s not a really difficult game, but learning to time jumps together and speed through levels without missing a step is entertaining enough in itself. There’s some fighting in this one too, but I won’t mince words: it’s crap. Luckily it doesn’t happen very often. Boss fights are terrible too, as you can just pin the boss against a wall and wail on it, and you’ve essentially won. While I do enjoy both games (particularly the Wii version), I think it’s safe to assume that they’re going to get bashed by critics. Some bullshit about “not being enough of a game” or some kind of crap like that. And you know, maybe they’re right, but this is essentially what I’m looking for in a game. The DS game is a completely original concept, and the Wii version is quite swanky with just enough challenge so that I have to try, but won’t get frustrated with it (ahem Sonic).

In the end though, neither game even compares to HOW AWESOME THE MOVIE WAS! HOLY CRAP! Yeah caps whatever. I’m just really excited. TMNT was everything I was hoping for and more. The human characters look a little wierd, as apparently in CG land, for every fat guy there are 700 anorexic people, but that’s a minor complaint. The one real complaint I have was that Karai and her foot ninja were not nearly central enough to the story. But that’s apparently not going to be a problem in the sequel, which they did not just leave a door open for, but rather explicitly hinted at. With new VAs for every character, Karai actually had a real asian accent, as opposed to the shitty fake one they gave her in the cartoon. Also awesome was that Patrck Stewart was in it. And Splinter’s trophy case at the end, that was a totally sweet nod to fans of the show. I could really go on forever, but you know, I think saying that it’s fickin’ awesome is enough. I was ready to go see it again right after I left the theater, but decided that I’d rather not, since I had run out of gift cards, and I just wasn’t ready to spend fourteen actual dollars.