So I finally saw New Moon last night. And I’m using “finally” in the “I finally ran out of ways to avoid it” sense, not the “I’m so excited we finally saw it” sense. It was not nearly as awful as Twilight, but still pretty bad. Robert Pattinson and Kristin Stewart still can’t act, and the Bella character is the stupidest fuckwit I’ve ever seen. But Taylor Lautner was atually quite good! I was surprised, to say the least. Also the fact that the werewolves were all Hulk-out rather than full moon was neat. A little sketchy, but it allows for a lot more werewolf than the full moon mythos allows. Anyway, it’s still basically two hours of whining, so I don’t recommend.
Category: Film
You call this a good time? I just call it a trend
Having spent a little bit more time with Wii Fit Plus, I can safely say that my first-night impressions were pretty spot-on. I’ve played all the new games now, and they range from totally rad to pretty fun. The obstacle course is the clear winner, being an adrenaline-fueled race to the end of a curiously Mario-esque course of platforms and hazards. The sonwball fight and skateboarding are pretty awesome too, and even the hip-shaking math game is a blast (particularly when watching others flail around wildly). Yeah, best $20 I spent last week.
Or, well, maybe not so much. It’s hard to say. The girlfriend and I also went to see “Zombieland” last week, and it was mind-blowingly epic. Everything about the movie was totally lovable, from the slow-motion zombie mania intro credits to the special guest cameo (who I will not spoil if you haven’t seen it yet). It was a barrel of laughs from start to finish, and it didn’t get all serious and depressing at the end like “Shaun of the Dead”. I mean, tensions did reach a height at the climax (durrr), but the laughs didn’t leave to make room for drama. They shared. And I think that’s the lesson that the movie wants to teach us. Sharing is neat.
The thing that kind of threw me off for a bit though, is that I could swear that when I saw the trailer it had Michael Cera. And then I started watching the movie and I was all like “hey, that’s a different dude!” And I’m not saying I’m disappointed or anything, because honestly I think Jesse Eisenberg did a better job than Cera would have. I’m just a bit surprised that I could confuse the two like that. They’re maybe a little similar-looking I guess, but I’m pretty sure my brain is missing and/or replacing bits of information here and there on purpose lately. Oh well.
Basicaly, what I have to say is this: go see “Zombieland”. If you like funny things, you won’t be disappointed. Unless you’re the kind of person who thought “Land of the Lost” was hilarious, in which case I’m going to punch you in the throat.
TE Hits the Road: Fargo ’09
That aside, I’ve decided that this year I’m just going to mash up all the pictures I took instead of trying to do anything more inspired with them. No categories, no long-winded stories, no character commentary. Nope. Just going to put them on the page and make some quick notes where I deem necessary.
Also there are tons of pictures,. Enjoy 😉
And that’s pretty much it. Following in the general spirit of this “article”, I really don’t have much more to wrap up with, so I’ll leave it at that.
~FIN
I am a wild party!
As we have been doing for well over a year now, the girlfriend and I go out to the movies every Tuesday night to take advantage of Cineplex theaters’ “Big Ticket Tuesdays” promotion. It’s a simple matter of getting a free drink and popcorn to go with our movies, but it’s a valued tradition, and I dread the day that it comes to an end. But this week was different! We went to two movies! She’d amassed more than enough points on her Scene card for two free tickets, so we took advantage of the freeness (you don’t get a free popcorn and drink on Tuesday if you use your points on a ticket) on Saturday night and hit the theater for the second time that week.
If you hadn’t figured this out by now, “The Hangover” was absolutely the funniest movie I have seen in recent memory. In fact, I’m willing to label it the best movie I’ve seen so far this year. While the beginning plods just a little bit to get the premise going, it still keeps throwing jokes, slapstick, and one-liners at you to get things going. Once the pace is set, the humour is cranked up as high as it goes, and I pretty much did not stop laughing until long after the movie was over. Whether it was Cooper consistently forgetting there was a tiger in the bathroom or the drive-by tuxedo shop, there was always something hilarious (and usually outrageous) going on, and I just can not praise this movie enough.
“The Hangover”, in the end, I think would be best described as exactly what people kept telling me “Superbad” would be. I thought “Superbad” was excellent, but I never saw exactly why people found it impossible to stop talking about how great it was. But that’s exactly how I feel about “The Hangover.” I would gladly go see it again and again, like a late-nineties woman would “Titanic.” I can absolutely see myself falling asleep every night watching this movie much like I did with “Bender’s Big Score” for several weeks. Though now that I think about it, I doubt I’d actually be able to sleep while laughing so hard.
Oh dear lord, how I was wrong.
“Drag Me To Hell,” in a word, was terrific. It was classic Sam Raimi, only with about a jillion times more budget to work with. While the story, setting, characters, and pretty much everything else were about as far removed from anything Evil Dead as you can get, I could not help but feel overwhelmed by the spirit of that series throughout the entire movie. It was a joy to watch from beginning to end, and I’d gladly recommend it to anybody who enjoys a hearty laugh with their creepiness.
That said, this movie was not the serious, dreary horror flick that the trailer plays it off as. It’s actually incredibly funny, with a few scary parts in between the plot and humour scenes (Alison Lohman’s face in the final scene will stay with me forever and be in my nightmares for the rest of my life). But the “horror” is just a device to bring in plenty of slapstick and gross-out comedy. And not in the terrible Wayans parody movie way, either. The fight scene between Lohman’s character and the old gypsy woman is a riot and is worth seeing the entire movie for. The part where the gypsy woman loses her false teeth and starts gumming Lohman is quite possibly the funniest and most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen. When the demon is summoned into different characters near the ending is one of the most ridiculous scenes in the movie, but is entertaining and hilarious the whole way through.
The story is a bit flimsy, but you won’t care once the credits start to roll. You’ll walk away and talk about the parts that made you laugh the most, and you will feel entirely satisfied. The trailer and commercials do a terrible job of showcasing this movie. “Drag Me To Hell” is not a serious horror film. It is a lighthearted story of a cursed girl that never ever even thinks about taking itself seriously and even occasionally pokes fun at itself. It’s also about having as many disgusting things end up in the main character’s mouth as humanly possible. I loved it, and I gladly welcome Sam Raimi back into my good books for making it for me.
Death is just a heartbeat away
Last weekend was my girlfriend’s birthday weekend, masterminded by none other than me, and it was quite the awesome weekend. On Friday night, I took her out to Stereo to go dancing. While I still don’t understand (or particularly enjoy) the club scene, she had an absolute blast, so it was well worth it. On Saturday we managed to round up a couple others so we could finally play the Clue game I bought her for Christmas. I’ve never played Clue before, and while it was a lot of fun, it’s way too easy if you’re only playing with three people. We also watched a shitload of movies. That you can pretty much take for granted, because watching movies is the activity we spend the most time on. Right now, I would like to share my opinions on those movies.
The first was her pick from a trip to Blockbuster on Saturday night: Room 6. Personally, I didn’t think much of it. It started well enough, but then degenerated into madness, and not the good kind. Shit just kept happening and nobody ever explained any of it. I watched the cast/crew behind the scenes featurette afterward, and that gave me some answers, but didn’t make me like the movie any more. It was like a boring, confusing version of Jacob’s Ladder. I mean, Jacob’s Ladder left some things ambiguous on purpose, but it at least gave you enough information that you could have fun thinking up and discussing your own theories on what was happening. Room 6 was not as thoughtful. There was a super-creepy little girl though.
We rented three movies at the Blockbuster, and it being her birthday, Steph chose the second one as well. Much more enjoyable than her first pick was Vacancy 2: The First Cut, the prequel to 2007’s Vacancy. It wasn’t a life-changing direct-to-DVD experience, but there were some bright spots, like a man-on-fire. I’ll go easy on pretty much any movie that provides me with a scene where someone is running around on fire. I also give it points because while it’s a prequel, the plot isn’t entirely predictable, and does contain a couple little surprises. For example, I thought it would be the same bad guys and motel as from the first movie. It was not so. The first one was better though. If nothing else, because Frank Whaley’s character was way more entertaining than David Moscow’s.
I got to pick out a movie too, for the sake of fairness, and I think it’s obvious that my choice was my favourite. I was jumping with glee when I saw that Blockbuster was stocking Dead and Breakfast, a movie that I had seen previews for, but had never found while browsing through movies at local stores. I absolutely had to rent it, and I loved it. Dead and Breakfast parades itself around as a zombie movie, but it isn’t really. The monsters are more posessed corpses than zombies, but that leads to much hilarity, like when the leader “zombie” uses the decapitated head of one of his friends as a puppet and frequently talks to it. There’s also a scene where all the “zombies” start dancing. Obviously, it’s the “Thriller” dance, but to an original song. Anyway, it’s hilarious movie, totally over-the-top in many places (especially gore), and I couldn’t recommend it more. I’m actively on the hunt for this one now.
The last movie is one I picked up when we went shopping on Sunday afternoon. I picked up the two pack of Nightwatch and Daywatch because I’d heard good things about them on more than one occasion. We watched Nightwatch that night, and I wasn’t disappointed. It was a really cool movie, and had a fairly interesting plot. I haven’t explained any other plots, so I won’t start here. I will, however, point out that it was a bit confusing. The plot seemed like bits were missing and maybe they spent too much time with subplots than explaining what was going on in the main story. They did a really great job with the subtitles though, as they kind of blended them into the movie to make them less distracting. Overall Nightwatch was neat and original, but not perfect. I’m hoping that the sequel is even better.
Promise not to stop when I say “when”
Well, it’s now the 24th of December, and I have successfully made one news post every day. Guess maybe I did have it in me after all. I know a couple were a bit crappy, but sometiimes that’s just how she goes.
Today, I was intending to talk about the best DLC for Rock Band, but I’d rather just make a bit of a spiel about how I hate working on computers that aren’t mine. See, I’m making this post from my girlfriend’s laptop, as I will not be home at all today, and I had to make the last post, right? But anyway, I’m finding this very uncomfortable. The whole compressed keyboard thing is a pain to adjust to, and making my typing way slower. Don’t get me wrong; it’s a vey nice laptop, and I wouldn’t mind owning one myself, but I just can’t stand adjusting to a new keyboard.
Much more of an issue is the fact that it’s running Windows Vista. Oh my God I hate Vista. It took me nearly half an hour to figure out how to access my FTP site or whatever through the network connections, and it really shouldn’t be that hard. I don’t think I could even do it again. And why doesn’t the “choose program” under “open with” have a bunch of default programs? I had to dig through the whole Windows directory to find the stupid Notepad. Notepad! And yes, I do all my HTMLing in Notepad. I’m sure it would be a lot easier with a program that would pick out wrong and useles code, but whatever. I’ve been doing it this way for six years, why change now? I hate change.
On a lighter note, we watched A Christmas Tale from that 6-movie set last night. It was actually a lot funnier than it was scary. The plot was about a bunch of kids who found a dangerous criminal who had fallen into a pit. She had robbed a bank, and the kids were trying to get her to give them the money before they’d help her out of the hole. Then there was voodoo and zombies and a slightly ambiguous ending. It was okay, nothing special. I think my favourite part was that there were four boys, and when they were coming up with nicknames to use while talking to the criminal, they named themselves after the A-Team. That was funny.
So yep. That concludes the 24 Days of Materialism. Hoped you enjoyed it as much as I hated finding a way to make a blog post every day for 24 days staight.
I play for keeps
As sort of a follow up to my short “review” of the Uzumaki manga, I decided that I would watch the movie. And watch I did. Last night. And much to my dismay, it really wasn’t very good. So even though it’s Tuesday and I’m supposed to be reviewing a video game, I’mma go ahead and tell you about this flop.
The main issue here is that they had to cram a story that spanned three books into two hours, and I suppose they did an okay job with that, but it could have been so much better. There were a lot of chapters in the books that were simply side-stories that really had no place in the movie. Particularly that of Kirie’s stalker and the girl with the spiraly hair. Hell, they weren’t even complete here. At the end of the movie, they show some stills of people affected by the uzumaki, and one is of the chick with the hair, her curls wrapped around a telephone pole, and her body completely emaciated. If you hadn’t read the manga prior to this, you would have no idea what was going on. Would you have guessed that the ever-growing hair spirals were draining her of her life? Probably not, as it wasn’t even remotely touched on.
The main story was even cut in half and slightly butchered in the process. Everything was going fine in the beginning; Shuichi’s father obsessed with the uzumaki, the spiral smoke from the crematorium chimney, his mother going insane. It was all good until the end when (and I’ll spoil the movie here because the book is way better) Shuichi was caught by the spiral and turned into a monster. Manga Shuichi would never have given into the spiral, much much less attack Kirie. Or does that give away too much? Well, in any case, I undersand that they had to take a few liberties to turn it into a movie, but it just hurts so much. The quote on the cover calls Uzumaki “deliriously unsettling”, which is true, but the creepiness is about the only thing left intact from the source material.
Which brings me to what I did like about the film version. for one, like I said, it was still really creepy. I’m almost afraid to turn around in fear that some kind of horrible spirally fate is waiting just behind me. A good part of the gore and shocking visuals remain off-camera (or come on for only a split-second), but the screams and the sounds of bones cracking and bodies contorting in ways they were never meant to are more then enough to get the message of terror across. Also, for the very brief few seconds that we get to see the giant man-snails, they look really cool. Besides the fact that they’re irrelevant to the main plot, I kinda wish they’d gotten more screen time. Oh well.
In conclusion, I really haven’t changed my mind between now and four paragraphs ago. It’s not a great movie, and I’m pretty sure that anyone who has not read through at least the first book will be utterly confused by what exactly is going on. It’s frightening and will most likely give you the jibblies, but I think that in the end, the common man would come away from it more confused than scared. Not a big recommendation on this one unless you’re absolutely crazy about the manga and must have everything asociated with it. In which case, I might warn you against obsessions like that… unless you want to end up coiled in a laundry machine.
Let’s have a good time
Last time I was down in Grand Forks, I didn’t really have a shopping list, but rather I was just picking up anything that piqued my interest and was of reasonable enough price. I went home with a lot of new movies. One of the more interesting purchases the the 3-disc set you see below this paragraph, 6 Films to Keep You Awake.
I looked it over, somewhat intrigued by the descriptions of the movies contained within, and showed it to the woman. Her eyes got wide and agreed with me that it looked worthy of purchase. We got back to our hotel, and while it wasn’t supplied with any DVD playing devices, I had enough foresight while packing to bring mine along with me. Only I forgot the remote! So while we couldn’t navigate the menus to watch Arrested Development, each movie on this set was on a different side of each disc, so we were able to pop whichever we saw fit in and mash the play button for success! Lesson: never forget the remote.
The first film we watched was A Real Friend. To our surprise, the film was in Spanish with English subtitles, but it was of little consequence, as there was no way to decipher exactly what had gone on in the movie no matter what language it was in. There was a little girl who was friends with Leatherface and a guy who she called a vampire. A couple people died, Leatherface and the vampire fought, and then the conclusion showed the girl’s happy family (with the vampire as her father) watching a TV that was playing the intro to this movie. It was confusing and didn’t really explain anything. I didn’t like it, and it put a bad taste in my mouth.
To Let was much more enjoyable. We watched this one the next night, and it was actually really good! Also it was Spanish too. I figured it was safe to assume at this point that all six would be. So anyway, the plot was about this young couple who were looking for an apartment. They drove out to this creepy place in a bad part of town, and once inside, they discovered that the landlady had been stalking them. They try to escape, but the deranged landlady beats the husband with a bucket, and the wife escapes to another part of the apartment building and finds another woman tied up in a bathroom. Since I like this movie, I won’t spoil it, but there’s a man-beast, much bloodshed, and a truly frightening old lady. It’s great.
Last night, we finally picked the set up again and watched the Baby’s Room. It wasn’t as good as To Let, but I did enjoy it. Yet again another new family moving into a new house, only this one is haunted! Sort of. The husband starts seeing a man in the baby monitor, but can never find this apparent burglar. Eventually, he almost slices his wife’s face off, thinking she was the burglar, and she takes the baby and moves out, leaving him to deal with the creepy phenomenon by his lonesome. It goes into some spooky parallel dimension shit, and the conclusion is exactly what you’ll guess it to be, but I was entertained, and that’s all I really ask, so it gets a pass.
We haven’t watched the other three movies yet, but plan to watch A Christmas Tale sometime over the weekend. Maybe I’ll tell you how it turns out. Judging from the other three, they could be awesome or terrible. I really don’t expect any to top To Let, but here’s hoping! Based on that movie alone, I highy recommend picking up this set. It’s only like $20, and for six movies (albeit of varying quality) that’s not too bad at all.
Whimmy wham wham wozzle!
Have you watched any of the Futurama movies yet? You really should have, they’re all very high quality. And, you know, it’s Futurama.
So today I want to go on about the second one, The Beast With a Billion Backs. To be honest, I think Bender’s Big Score has been the best one so far, but I’ve already gone over it and I’d prefer to keep the content of this little project fresh. So this movie, while not quite as great as the first, is still a great watch.
The plot, as described by the title and cover, is that a giant tentacled creature from far-off space has crawled its way to Earth through a tear in time and space, which was created at the end of the last movie by Bender’s time-travelling antics. At first, everyone is afraid of the creature, and who could blame them? But then slowly, people are taken over by the monster’s tentacles and start to love it. And then stuff happens and I don’t want to spoil the rest.
To tell the truth, I’ve mostly forgotten what happens. This thing came out like months ago. I watched it when I got it, and then haven’t since. Oh well. David Cross does the voice of the creature, so yeah. He’s pretty hilarious. And so is the rest of the movie. And Kif dies. Sort of. I don’t know. I don’t have any writing left in me. I suppose barely using my blog over the past how many months has kind of dulled my writing bone. Not that it was ever overly sharp, but it’s certainly not as good as it used to be.
In conclusion! I like this movie. Go buy it and Bender’s Big Score right now if you don’t already own them. Bender’s Game was good too, but I didn’t like it nearly as much. Oddly, and non sequitiurly, I kind of want to play Mass Effect right now.
Empty yo pockets!
Eff this. These 24 days of bullshit is bullshit.
At least that’s what I feel like saying. When I comitted myself to this project, I kind forgot that some days I don’t even see my home, nevermind my computer, so yeah. But I shall forge on! Today, reviewing a movie of my choosing. And my choice is a great new-ish monster movie titled “The Host”.
When talking to people, I often described “The Host” as a small-scale “Cloverfield”. Thinking about it now, I don’t think I could really be more wrong. The only thing the two movies have in common is the moster element and the fact that the basic plot is one person looking for a loved one. Other than that, not really the same at all. Even a little.
The plot to this movie, as it were, revolves around a man and his daughter. Also his other immediate family (siblings and father), but they’re just support characters. They’re living a pretty standard (if a little poor) life when one day a monster emerges from the nearby river and starts eating the shit out of people. It spies Main Character’s Daughter, and goes after her. Main Character witnesses his daughter devoured whole and vows to go after the creature. The twist is that the moster does not actually eat the girl, but rather brings her back to its hidey-hole for later snacking. And the story more or less just has the guy hunting the beast, and the girl fighting to stay alive.
The thing to note here is that this movie is originally Korean (I’m pretty sure). From this fact, we can extrapolate that the voices we hear speaking are not the actual voices of the characters. On this note, I would like to mention that the dubbing is very, very bad. Hilarious bad at times. The kind of bad that sort of makes the movie more enjoyable. Once scene that has all the family mouning the loss of Main Character’s Daughter in particular is so ridiculous that I could not keep my composure and broke out laughing. Only after the fact did I truly pity how bad it really was.
Sketchy dubbing aside, I agree with the media blurbs on the cover, and think that “The Host” is a wicked awesome monster movie. Or at least as wicked awesome as a modern monster flick can be. The creature itself is way way cooler than the “Cloverfield” beast by all stretches of the imagination (the lack of massive hype helped), even though it’s many times smaller. It’s fast, ferocious, and pretty much all-out cool. It’s kind of like a big, pissed-off fish with a taste for blood. And it shows up on screen a lot! Unlike the Mr. I-Want-To-Remain-Mysterious “Cloverfield” monster. Sadly, there aren’t a lot of quality screencaps of the thing, but here’s a decent one.
