They bought and sold you

It’ll still be a couple days before I try to get back into the swing of things, but I figured that in the meantime, I’d distract you with a little blog rambling. To tell the truth though, I’ve got nothing. Nope, nothing to say. Nothing new anyway. Well, I did find the soundtracks for Baten Kaitos 1 and 2 on eBay about half an hour ago, and it’s taking every ounce of willpower in my body (and then some) to keep from blowing my hosting money on them and having to wait another eight days for new hosting funds to transfer over.

They’ve begun posting weekly videos over at the New Super Mario Bros site. So if you’re interested in that, then you might want to click my little link there.

I’m going to see Silent Hill tonight. As a gigantic fan of the games, I’ll have a very biased blog review tomorrow, assuming nothing gets in my way.

For the Tetris lover in all of us.

I’m a little surprised at how much people seem to hate the PSP. I’m starting to feel bad for the little guy. Did I really just type that?

Lastly, I feel the need to mention that Planet MegaMan is back up after what seems like forever. It’s still slowly recovering piece-by-piece, but it certainly looks spiffy.

Then I’ll start a commotion

I used to think I was pretty good at Super Mario 64. I could get all 120 stars without breaking a sweat and I’ve even beat the big penguin race a couple times. But my dreams have suddenly been shattered. Turns out some dude can get to the end in 21 minutes. Now anyone who knows the game knows that such a feat is impossible, and it’s true, he does glitch it out on at least three occasions. Still, the video left me with my jaw on the floor. His technique is nearly flawless, and there are so many shortcuts that I’d never have thought of. I thought I was pretty good, but it seems that I still have a lot to learn.

From Ryan with love

Woah. Did you know there’s a Super Mario Bros soundboard? This is awesome. Now I can listen to the underwater music indefinitely.

But to get back on track (actually, that was the whole reason I’m posting), I have some news. I recently rented the newest James Bond game, From Russia With Love. Yes, it’s made by Electronic Arts, and yes, it’s third-person. But you know what? It’s not half-bad. I was as surprised as you, my friend. I’m not going to go on about it, but it has turned out to ba a half-decent shooter. The last handful of EA Bond games didn’t even convince me to play more than the first level (Hell, I didn’t even try Everything or Nothing), but while I didn’t finish it, From Russia With Love is definitely more enjoyable than the last few. While shooting takes the forefront, there are also plenty of bonus objectives to accomplish and goodies to find. The game has a pretty good upgrade system, and there are plenty of things to unlock. Didn’t try multiplayer, but it seems a bit half-hearted, as you can only play as villains. From the time I spent with the game, I’d say it’s worth the seven bucks I spent to rent it. Not as worth it as POP:T2T was, but good enough. I’m satisfied, and that’s all I ask.

If you don’t feel like trying it out, go play with sand instead. Eerily enough, it’s just about as fun. Oh, and the Steve articles and Chat Radio have all been moved over.

TE Top 10: Video Games of 2005

It’s that time of year again. The time when we look back and pick out our favourites of everything and anything that happened during the year. Most people do their “top whatever” lists in early December, but I like to hold off until the first week of January so as not to miss anything that might just squeak by. Oh, and my list is one of video games. Just in case.

There are a few rules that certainly have big effects on my list. First and foremost, I don’t include any re-releases, no matter how much of an update they’ve gotten. Also, it is comprised only of games I’ve played. It would be kind of ruin the integrity of the list if I just threw any old game on it. The little problem with this is that I didn’t play a whole lot of games this year. Sure, compared to some people, I may have played a lot, but there wasn’t a whole lot of variety. I probably only rented like five or six games total this year. But oh well. That’s what you get.

That’s pretty much the whole intro. What else is there really to say? I’m gonna be doing enough reflection in the bajillion words below, so I don’t really need any of that here. So yeah. Go.

~ #11 (honourable mention) ~

Trauma Center: Under The Knife

Let me start by explaining the honourable mention. See, I haven’t really played Trauma Center. I have played the demo version, which was in Japanese, but I haven’t played the whole game. And since I haven’t actually played the whole game, I can’t in good faith give it a real spot on the list. But rest assured that if had, it would totally be there. What I did play of Trauma Center was really cool, and somewhat challenging as well. The game has topped my “most wanted” list since long before it came out, but alas, I’ve yet to find it anywhere. The local Electronics Boutiques have both informed me that they won’t be getting any more, and if EB isn’t getting any more, nuts to all the other stores. The only hope I have left is… eBay? Maybe I’m gonna have to investigate the Microplay scene. If anyone ever sees it, there’s a very generous bounty to be claimed… *hint hint*

EDIT: By the time this was posted, I got the game. As expected, it r0x0rz my b0x0rz.

~ #10 ~

Lost in Blue

Lost is Blue is lucky. Lucky that I haven’t gotten my hands on a copy of Trauma Center. It’s also lucky that Metal Gear Solid 3 was just a little too complicated and silly for my tastes. Actually, there are a lot of games I considered for this position, but Lost in Blue is just so neat that I couldn’t deny it.

A sequel to the underappreciated Survival Kids for the Game Boy Colour, Lost in Blue is a sim of a different persuasion. The idea of the game is that you’re stranded on an island with a girl, and you have to survive and find a way off the island. Or just survive. You don’t have to escape if you don’t want to. There are plenty of thins to do on the island, like rummage for food, collect stuff, make that stuff into tools, build furniture, hunt animals, explore, and more. The island provides a ton of stuff to do, and it’s up to you when you want to do it and if you even want to do it at all. the only thing you have to do (if you don’t want to lose) is to keep yourself and the girl alive. Otherwise, it’s all up to you. You’re even provided with the chance to play through as the girl once you complete the game, which offers an entirely different way to play the game.

Such open-ended gameplay usually has one of two effects on people: it either sucks you in completely, or you get bored right away. The only big difference between this and similar games like The Sims or Animal Crossing is that in Lost in Blue you do actually have an objective, so there is something compelling you to move forward. Not to mention that there are like a jillion different endings, based on your actions and relationship with the opposite character. The only real complaint I have to lodge against the game is that animals only appear in one area, and it takes a lot to get up there. Plus, hunting is really hard/requires luck more than anything.

~ #9 ~

Castlevania: Dawn of Sorrow

This is the game I’d been waiting for since the DS was released. Aria of Sorrow is my favourite GBA game, and things could only get better with a sequel, right? Right. While it seems kind of harsh to give Dawn of Sorrow 9th place, it’s not so bad on the grand scale. 9th best of all the games I’ve played this year? Not too bad at all.

Castelvania: Dawn of Sorrow is the continued adventure of Soma Cruz, a regular-type guy who just happened to inherit Dracula’s powers by some cruel twist of fate. In Aria of Sorrow, he had to escape Dracula’s castle and keep from being corrupted by his powers. This time around, he’s in pretty deep, as some crazy cult is out to get him and his powers. The story is of the least importance, however, as the game itself is a testament to what beauty can be created on the DS. The game plays out in two dimensions, but every now and then there’s a 3D background that will just blow you away. The touch screen itself is used rather sparsely, but the fact that there are two screens is the single best improvement in a Castelvania game ever. See, the top screen can be used as a map screen, and that in itself is one capital reason to champion the DS. In any game with a map, especially Castelvania, it’s always a hassle to stop to check the map every few steps/rooms, and Dawn of Sorrow eliminates this issue completely by having the map ready for you at all times.

Even without the pretty graphics and cool features, the gameplay itself is more than noteworthy. Like its predecessor, Dawn of Sorrow uses a system of powerups fueled by the souls of your enemies. Every monster in the game has a soul which you can extract and use to your advantage. Some are simple abilities, like gaining throwing knives or summoning familiars, but others so some really cool stuff like letting you do a super jump or regenerating life. The game is pretty balanced, giving you a challenge while never being overly frustrating. Some bosses might drive you nuts, but a couple level-ups or the right soul combination could remedy the problem easily. There are a few different endings, a lackluster “enemy set” mode that you can challenge your friends to, and a handful of unlockables. Those unlockables include a sound test, a boss rush mode, hard mode, and a special mode that’s almost an entirely different game.

~ #8 ~

The Incredible Hulk: Ultimate Destruction

While I’d love to go on and on about this one, it seems I already have. I’d give you a link straight to it, but I’m feeling far too lazy at the moment to figure out the URL and all that shit you need to go through to make a link. So I’ll just type some stuff about the game instead.

Ultimate Destruction is more or less my dream free-roaming game. Of course, my overall dream game would contain many elements of UD, but it would be entirely different, and most likely 2D. Anyway, why do I love this game so much? For one, it’s all about destroying shit. There’s no stealth, no items, no rules. Just pure, unadulterated smashing. The game is basically split up into three categories (all rolled into one, but you won’t be doing one at the same time as another): free-roaming, missions, and sub-missions. The free-roaming is pretty obvious. You traipse around town as the Hulk, breaking whatever you see fit, jumping erratically, and basically just having a great time. The world is your oyster, and you may smash it as you please. Sadly, most of the buildings in the game are indestructible, but it’s still plenty of fun to destroy what can be destroyed. Heck, even my dad was impressed my this game, and the only interaction he has with any video game besides Pitfall is making fun of them.

The missions are pretty straight-forward as well. You’re usually either out to catch or destroy something, sometimes both. Pretty much any mission that strays from that formula has you high-tailing a piece of technology back to your church base. While these missions may not be geared toward destruction, they’re usually rather tricky, and that can provide much fun and frustration. Sub-missions are usually normal things like “race to here so fast” or “save pedestrians from the burning building”. Some however, are completely off-the-wall and have you batting soldiers falling from a helicopter or playing golf with an oil pump and a huge ball of steel. You’re ranked on the sub-missions, and getting gold on the better part of them is really friggin’ hard.

I think the thing that really ties the game together and takes it from good to great, is the freedom is gives you. You’ve all played on iteration of GTA or another, and I can’t help but feel that all of these games feel stuffy and that the controls don’t really flow. Hulk, however, has a very natural feel to it, and once you get down the controls, it’s a very nice feeling you get when you realize you didn’t even have to thing about that insanely complex string of jumps or beatdowns you just launched. It has the same feeling of freedom that Super Mario 64 had, where you feel almost completely unrestrained, allowed to do whatever you please. That’s precisely the reason why Super Mario 64 is my favourite game of all-time, and that’s why I treasure Hulk: Ultimate Destruction as much as I do.

~ #7 ~

Mario & Luigi: Partners in Time

I made fun of Metal Gear Solid 3 a few paragraphs back for being silly, so why on earth does Mario & Luigi: Partners in Time rank so highly on my list? Simple: Mario & Luigi is based around silliness. The first game, Superstar Saga, set a good rhythm of intuitive gameplay and hilarious dialogue, and Partners in Time is in perfect step with it’s older brother.

The best part of the Mario & Luigi series thus far is the story aspect. And I’m not just talking about plot here. The dialogue is written with more than a pinch of humour, the characters are all extremely lively and often outrageous, and yeah, even the plot is pretty good. While in most RPGs, you’ll spend a lot of time fooling around and making sure you don’t miss anything, in Partners in Time you’ll be heading pretty much straightforward the whole time. Yes, you might go back to play some mini-games over or level a bit (it’s not that necessary), but most of the time you’ll just be moving forward. While it’s somewhat due to the fact that you’ll always want to see what’s going to happen next, I have to admit that the game is pretty linear. There are no sidequests to speak of, which is sad, and no bonuses after you beat the final boss, but chances are that you’ll be having so much fun you won’t miss those things.

The gameplay itself is unique to the series (and in a way, to the entire line of Mario RPGs), in that battles take both real-time and turn-based elements. In this game, you have play not only as Mario and Luigi, but the baby-sized bros as well. This situation has you playing as four characters at once, with each bro assigned to his own face button. Luckily, the only time you have to use all four buttons in tandem in four-bro battles, and this can lead to some hairy situations if you haven’t memorized your buttons. A lot of the time, the pairs will split up and do their own thing, and then you only have to look after two bros at once. Action commands liven up the battles, helping you max out your damage potential and avoid enemy attacks entirely, sometimes ever scoring a counterattack. While the action commands in the Paper Mario games would only serve to ease battles a little bit, in the Mario & Luigi games, if you’re really good, you could probably finish the game without getting hit once.

All in all, the game is as good or slightly better than the first. While the battling can sometimes get overly complex, it’s always fun and keeps you interested and involved, unlike traditional RPGS. If you want some more details, go check out the (very) short review in the 2005 Christmas article.

~ #6 ~

We <3 Katamari

What? What’s not fun about rolling a ball? Balls are like the first things we play with as babies, and even as we grow up, they still play a big roll (punny!) in our lives (at least for those of us who aren’t afraid of sports). So why not make a game that’s key feature is that you get to roll around a ball? Namco took up the challenge, and after the super-niche hit Katamari Damacy took the world by storm, what else could they do but appease the fans and roll out the Katamari for another go?

Katamari Damacy was the main reason I purchased my PS2. Yeah. That’s right, I got it mostly for a single game. A game I hadn’t even played at the time. Call me what you will, but it was money well spent. For hours I rolled around that katamari, and never yearned for more. The game didn’t offer a ton of gameplay outside rolling up as much crap as you could, but it was good enough. Like how people could play Space Invaders or Pac-Man obsessively. But Namco decided that we were worth it, and they put their best minds to the test and released We <3 Katamari sometime in mid-2005. What I got, I never would have expected. The game had been expanded with so many new stages, challenges, features, objects, and playable characters. They even managed to build in a cooperative mode that puts two people at the reins of a single Katamari.

The object of the game is to appeal to the fans of the King of All Cosmos, and roll around your Katamari. No big difference, right? Well this time, it’s not just a challenge to get your Katamari as big as you can within a time limit. No, there are stages that have you collect so many objects, roll a Katamari as fast as you can, keep a fire burning, and even one stage where you have to build a snowman. The wealth of new challenges is very pleasing, and it only gets better. In the first game, you could roll up presents for your character to wear, and cousins to be used in Battle mode. This time, there are a ton more of each, and the various characters can be used in single player as well (though they make no more than an aesthetic difference). Even the “select meadow”, the game’s hub of sorts, is fun to play around in. The only part that drags the game down is that Namco didn’t include any “eternal” stages, so you’re always working on a time limit. While I do miss them, it’s safe to say the game is of no lesser value because they’re gone.

What else do I need to say to get you to play this game? Do I need to tell you that it’ll fellate you as you play? Because I’m ready to tell you whatever you need to hear. If there’s one game you need to play on this list, it’s We <3 Katamari. The quirky graphics, abundant humour, and stellar yet simple gameplay are more than a match for you, so I want you to give this one a shot. I can’t guarantee you’ll love it like I do, but the odds of having fun are stacked heavily in your favour.

~ #5 ~

MegaMan Zero 4

I’m probably going to include the newest MegaMan Zero game somewhere on every future list like this, as long as they keep up the excellent trend. While MegaMan games usually peak in goodness around the second or third game, the Zero series gets better every time. And in leaps and bounds to boot.

MegaMan Zero had the core gamplay down. It was full of action, and was one of the few games of its day that could give you a real headache. Zero 2 didn’t add many features, but lengthened the game and pumped up the difficulty to near-impossible. Zero 3, which earned a spot on last year’s list, toned down the difficulty to a “gifted-human” level, added a handful of new features and tweaked some old ones to make them more user-friendly. The latest game, aptly titled MegaMan Zero 4, is again tweaking and adding whatever it can. Most notably, the tedium of earning and arranging Cyber-Elves is gone. You now have a single elf which you can level up and customize to give you whatever boost you might need. This game’s new weapon, the Z-Knuckle, lets you rip enemies apart and take their weapons for yourself. Some are offensive, some are devensive. Some have ammo limits, some you can blast away with forever. Some are guns, some fit in more with the club family. All in all, the Z-Knuckle provides you with a huge assortment of options and makes for a great addition to Zero’s personal weapons cache.

The upgrade chip system from the previous game returns, although this time you have to make the chips, not find them. You make these chips by picking of parts from defeated enemies and mashing them together. The only flaw here is that the game provides very few chip recipes, so you’ll have to figure out most of them by trial and error or a trip to GameFAQs. Another new feature is the weather changing system. Each stage can be affected by two types of weather, one is a little rougher and gives the boss an advantage, and the other will likely make your jaunt through the stage a lot easier. Obviously, you’ll need to play with the harder weather to get a good rank, but it also serves as the only way to procure the boss’ EX Skills, which is a lot easier than keeping up an A or S rank. Zero 4 also has its own share of unlockable mini-games, and the requirements for most of them are not nearly as obscenely difficult as those in Zero 3.

Overall, it’s a very satisfying game. There hasn’t been such a well-balanced MegaMan game since MegaMan X, and that one didn’t even have all the cool features that Zero 4 boasts. The downside is that… Hmmm… SPOILERS! (Sort of.) Highlight the text to read! The downside is that the ending really wraps everything up. And I mean really wraps everything up. Most of the events that play out near the end and during the final scenes point towards this being the last of the series, and that’s not cool. Though Capcom has pulled many stuns like this in the past (especially with MegaMan), so I doubt things are as grave as they want you to think.

~ #4 ~

The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap

Honestly, I’m gonna come out and say it: This is the best Zelda game since A Link to the Past. It’s not that I didn’t like the games in between, but Ocarina of Time is way overhyped, and Majora’s Mask and The Wind Waker were still missing something. Link’s Awakening was my favourite Zelda game before this (though I think LttP is a better game on the whole. Professional and personal preference are two very different things), I never really got to play the Oracle games, and Four Swords is really in a category of its own. And even if you don’t agree that it’s the best Zelda game, it’s got no competition when you’re asking about the best GBA game ever.

Some people are complaining about the declining number of dungeons in Zelda games. But really, that number was never set in stone. The first game has nine, Link’s Adventure has six, LttP has at least 12, and Link’s Awakening has eight. There are about 11 in OoT, five or six in MM, and the Wind Waker is kind of ambiguous, because some things seem like dungeons, but half the population says no and half says yes. The Minish Cap tops in with five official dungeons, but that’s not really a big deal. The game in itself is huge, with a fully fleshed-out Hyrule to explore, as well as the many little bits that make up the Minish World. There are tons and tons of caves, grottoes, attics, and temples to explore, as well as a smaller world in the sky. The game itself is full of life, overflowing with personality and Zelda charm. Hyrule town is easily the liveliest and most colourful Zelda town ever, and there are characters spread out to even the furthest reaches of the land.

The graphics are a huge part of the game, as they’re unbelievably rich and detailed. Everywhere you go, you’ll be treated to beautiful scenery and extensively animated characters and enemies. The soundtrack is also worthy of note, being of uber-high quality and composed of new tunes and classic themes alike. I swear, this is the first Zelda game since the first to properly utilize the Legend of Zelda theme. The big cave in the graveyard also has a magnificent theme, though to tell the truth, I can’t remember what theme it is. Voices are strewn about pretty liberally, but never manage to get annoying. The difficulty of the game is maybe a bit lacking (it’s no Zelda 2), but it’s certainly not an easy quest to complete.

I’d love to ramble on some more about the Minish Cap, but I already did it once. Go back and check the January 2005 archive page. It’s got an even more long-winded spiel than I’ve put out here, so the inquisitive should definitely check that out. No bones about it, if you have a GBA/DS and you don’t own this game, you’re seriously depriving yourself.

~ #3 ~

Mario Kart DS

Mario Kart has always been the kart racing game that all the other kart racing games want to be. It’s easy to see why, too. Mario Kart has always had the two essential ingredients for a great game: fun and simplicity. Racing sims are way too hard for those of us who are no so hardcore, and we need something to satiate our needs for speed. Mario Kart does just the trick, as just about anyone can pick it up and get halfway good within a matter of minutes.

While the game itself is excellent, there is only one reason that Mario Kart DS got as high a ranking as it did: the Nintendo Wi-Fi Connection. You may think me a bit pompous when I say that Mario Kart DS is an extremely important game. For a company that went a good five years or so saying that online play is unimportant, Nintendo sure did build some massive hype over the launch of the Nintendo WFC. Not only were people buying into it, but that fact that Mario Kart, a universally loved game, would be the first Nintendo game to enter the good graces of online play. Of course, this went over huge, and the whole world is abuzz with Mario Kart fever. While there are a few limits on what you can do online, it’s still an excellent diversion from trying to find people to play with locally.

But the online play isn’t the only saving grace of Mario Kart DS. No, the single player experience is full of greatness, jam-packed with more features that your tiny little brain could imagine. Most notably is the fact that there are twice as many courses as Mario Kart usually presents. Sure, half of them are taken from the past games in the series (four each), but that still adds up to an amazing amount of racing. There are also missions this time around, some of them strange, some of them mind-bendingly difficult. To top that off, you’ve got actual bosses. That’s right. Diddy Kong Racing tried and failed, but Mario Kart DS has successfully mixed bosses into the kart racing world. Battle mode, while not available online, has been extended to include eight players rather than the normal four. This may not seem like a huge change, but the games are way more frantic when you’ve got eight people launching shells and bananas at once.

For the hard sell, look at it this way: I’m not a fan at all of racing games, but Mario Kart has always been so accessible that even a guy like me can really get into it. I’d say that Mario Kart DS is the DS game to own, but It’d be pretty redundant, as anyone in their right mind who owns a Nintendo DS has this game. Especially now that it comes bundled with the hot red DS.

~ #2 ~

Killer7

Killer7, how much do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

I made a conscious decision when Killer7 was released that I wouldn’t buy it. To this day, I’ve kept that vow, but not a day goes by that I don’t regret it. I would trade all the half-baked Mario spin-offs and impulse buys in my GC library for this single game. Ever since I returned it to Blockbuster video, I wish I’d bought Killer7. I’m probably the last guy on Earth to know anything about love, but I’m pretty sure that when you think about something every day, there’s something pretty significant there.

Killer7 is easily one of the most off-the-wall games ever created. The story is deeper than the Grand Canyon, and intricate enough to confuse even the rocketingest of scientists. Many little bits of the plot are omitted, and the information they do give you is all out of order, so just understanding the story is challenge enough. Then they add a thick layer of highly stylized graphics on top and flesh it all out with some excellent audio, and you’ve definitely got the whole package. Oh, and did I mention that the gameplay rocks too? Yeah, it does. While the game places you on a rail, and only lets you travel backwards and forwards (and change direction at junctions of course), there is still a huge sense of exploration, as the stages are impressively large and contain a great many paths to travel. The core gameplay is shooting, and the fact that your enemies are naturally invisible just makes it that much more exhilarating. A quick scan will bring them into the visible realm, however, and then it’s just a quick draw competition to see if you can cap their weak points before they get to close and make your head a splode.

Killer7 Really has everything a great game needs. It presents fantastic production values, has a story solid enough to compare to Donny Darko, and is just a blast to play. Not to mention that it’s pretty tough, and gets insane on Hard mode. There are a couple unlockable modes too, if the regular game isn’t enough to quench your thirst for excellent gameplay. But there’s no way you’ll walk away from this one disappointed. If you do, you’re lame. And I really need to go pick this one up.

~ #1 ~

Resident Evil 4

Obvious? Yes. Deserving? Totally. If you didn’t see this one coming a mile away, you need to get your eyes checked. Resident Evil 4 brings so many upgrades to the series that it’s almost an entirely different game. You know what? Scratch that. It is an entirely different game.

The original Resident Evil might have been harder than adamantium, but it was a breath of fresh air for those of use who needed something a little different. Nearly every sequel improved on the formula, with the only exceptions being the Gun Survivor spin-offs (which sucked) and the online games (which I can’t judge, cause I haven’t played either). While other sequels and remakes made small improvements here and there, RE4 takes the idea and completely re-moulds it. Tying in only loosely with older games through a couple characters and some mention of previous events, RE4 literally takes you out of the Resident Evil world. No longer are you fighting for survival against zombies in Raccoon city. Now, you’re thrown into a rural European village, where the locals have been consumed by parasites and are out for blood. The static camera is gone, and now you can aim in more directions than straight, up and down. The inventory system is totally reinvented, letting you carry as many items as you can squeeze into your attache case, rather than having to try to get by with 6-8 item slots. Typewriters are still your saving tool, but item boxes are gone, and you’re no longer forced to find seven billion different keys. Bullets are more plentiful than ever now that enemies drop items, but you’ll still manage to run out now and then.

The game all comes together under what might be the best graphics ever and some seriously spooky tunes, and some top-tier voice work. There are plenty of things to keep you occupied should you become tired of the main game, and of course, there’s a hard mode that will have you ripping your hair out. The game was originally released exclusively for the GameCube, but due to it’s immense success (this game most definitely sold more than a few GameCubes), it’s recently been ported to the PS2. One might expect that on a technologically inferior console, Capcom would have had to make some concessions in the graphics department, but as far as I’ve heard it’s as pretty as ever and doesn’t even suffer from slowdown (like the PS2 Killer7 apparently does). Add on a handful of significant extras, and you’re set to impress.


There’s one thing that I have to get through before I finish. Sadly, the list became out-of-date even before I finished it. See, I had it written out to about number seven, and let it fall to the wayside for a couple weeks before I finished up. In that time, I was able to find and obtain Trauma Center, and I played a couple games that I definitely would have put on the list had it not already been decided, namely Prince of Persia: the Two Thrones and Tony Hawk’s American Wasteland. But alas, the list was intended for games I played in 2005, and those two didn’t come to my attention until 2006. Oh well. Also, it’s really hard to remember all the games I played over the course of the year, so I’m sure there’s at least one deserving title I forgot.

And speaking of deserving titles, some that come immediately to mind include: Jump Superstars (DS), Metal Gear Solid 3 (PS2), Meteos (DS), Kirby Canvas Curse (DS), and shadow of the Colossus (PS2). While many skeptics thought it would die off quickly and made fun of its “small” launch lineup, the DS has had an absolutely mind-blowing year, pumping out all sorts of great games. And with my acquisition of my own PS2, I’ve certainly been exposed to many more games that I would have if I’d stuck it out with only my Nintendos by my side. The more the merrier, you know?

I feel kind of bad that there wasn’t a little more variety on the list, but that’s kind of what you get for playing mostly the same kinds of games, I guess. you’re thinking it, but you should know that I didn’t rate the games on fanboyism alone. No. If that had been the case, there would have been a lot more Ninja Turtles 3: Mutant Nightmare on it. I picked my games based on either how much time I spent with them, and how much I want to play them when I’m doing something else. Heck, on that latter note alone, Killer7 should have taken first, but I’ve gotta be fair. Seriously. I think about Killer7 and how much I love it all the time. I really should have bought it… In any case, I’ll be keeping a list of games that I play in 2006 so that I’ll have an easier time coming up with the ten best when December rolls around.

Spread the Wi-Fi

Picked up my Nintendo Wi-Fi USB adapter yesterday. Been playing Mario Kart too much. I probably should have waited until after exams, but what are you gonna do? Anyhow, it turns out that I’m not the worst player in the world, as I had previously assumed, because I’ve won a bunch more races than I’ve lost. The thing that strikes me the most is the fact that I’ve waited this long to finally get into this online play business. It’s not the greatest thing ever, but it does have some kind of mysterious appeal to it that I can’t possibly hope to explain. Now if only they would implement it in more games I actually want to play. Or more games overall. Whatever. Mario Kart rocks, and I’ll be adding my friend codes to the sidebar as they come along. You know, just in case.

Today, I would like to send a plug out to the always hilariously odd White Ninja Comics. The comics aren’t very run-of-the-mill, but they always manage to have some sort of hilarious gag or punchline thrown in. Sometimes it’s horribly violent, sometimes it’s incredibly stupid. But like I said, always funny. I decided to plug White Ninja because I found today’s comic to be absolutely priceless. And also because my White Ninja t-shirt commands me to.

Three thousand

It’s coming up soon. Not much else to say about it, but I am going to put up a new banner to celebrate. Some of you may have already even seen it…

On a video game related topic, I was standing pretty strong for… four days. Today I couldn’t restrain myself, and bought Dance Dance Revolution: Mario Mix. But it’s not as bad as all that. I’ve wanted a DDR game for the longest time, and this was the perfect excuse. Now I just need to sucker someone in my family to buy another dance pad thing. While the game is all you can expect from DDR (assuming you have prior knowledge of the Dance Dance Revolution series), the songs are quite an odd bunch. It’s mostly remixed Mario music, as you would assume, and all the other songs are remixed classical songs. No popular music to be seen. Not that I’m complaining. The one thing that does bug me is that the “story mode” is the most ridiculous thing ever, but it’s not a big issue. There are actually quite a few mini-games too, but most of them are boring and not worthy of mention. There really isn’t much more to say, so that’s all for now.

Yoshi Touch & Go

The closest thing to a true to sequel to Super Mario World 2: Yoshi’s Island is still rather far from what the gamers of the world were expecting. While Yoshi Touch & Go still keeps the fundamental ideas of Yoshi’s Island, like the Yoshis trying desperately to get Baby Mario back to the stork while Kamek and his toadies constantly try to kidnap the kid, the gameplay has taken a huge turn in a different direction. True, you meander along as Yoshi and huck eggs at stuff, but that’s just the half of it. And maybe even less.

Yoshi’s first game on the DS is the next in the string of games that utilize only the handheld’s touch screen (Feel the Magic XY/XX, WarioWare: Touched!, Pokémon Dash) and microphone for input. And the way the game is designed, it’s all you’ll really need. But I guess that was kind of obvious. Even if you could use buttons for the game, you’d probably just ignore them. I’ll tell you now, that unless you’re old-school , you’ll probably think this game is stupid and give up on it right away. It’s a very different spin on platforming, so it’s certainly not going to appeal to everyone.

As soon as you boot up the game, you’ll notice that something is amiss. No intro scene, and just a selection of modes to play, including Score Attack, Endless, and Vs. modes. What? No story mode? You’ll be surprised to find out (I know I was) that the game isn’t structured like a game of these days. No, you have to start from the beginning each time, and your only goal is to get high scores. There are no levels, no bosses, no story, no end. It’s just the kind of game you pick up and go at for a while. Keep in mind that this helps replay value immensely, as you’re always going to be going back to best your high scores, like in most puzzle games. So if regular gaming conventions are thrown out the window, how does the game work? Let me explain.

The game is cut up into two parts. Firstly, you have Baby Mario falling from the sky. He’s got some balloons to give him some slack, so it’s not like he’s gonna go splat or anything. So anywho, you’re using the touch screen to make a cloudy path to guide the baby through the sky and out of the way of enemies, collecting as many coins as you can. You can draw circles around enemies to encase them in bubbles and turn them into coins to throw at Baby Mario. You can bubble normal coins too, but that’s kind of a waste of time unless you can circle a bunch at once to make a combo. You’ve really gotta be on your game to do well in this part of the game, because there’s a lot going on, and unless you forgo bubbling enemies, it can be tricky to guide Mario exactly where you want him to go. and it’s important to score big in this part, because your score at the end will determine which colour Yoshi you get when you reach the ground. Different coloured Yoshis move faster and can carry more eggs, so it helps to get a good score here.

The next part of the game is where Yoshi comes into the picture. You’re now on the ground, and Yoshi is plodding along on his way to the stork. It’s your job to help him get there. Everything is basically the same as in the sky, as you can draw clouds and make bubbles around stuff. But here you can also make Yoshi jump and flutter by poking him, and have him throw eggs by tapping elsewhere on the screen. Oh, and I should have mentioned earlier that you can blow into the microphone to have a gust of wind blow away all your clouds, should you ever need to remove them. This part of the game requires even more concentration than before, as Yoshi can only take one hit as opposed to Baby Mario’s three, and you’ve got enemies on both screens and pits to avoid. That, and you’ll have to take care to keep a supply of eggs stocked at all times, because a lot of enemies are impervious to bubblification here. This area also changes depending on which game mode you’re playing.

Score Attack is the most basic mode, and also the easiest. It’s basically what I described above, but your game will end after you’ve walked 1000 meters with Yoshi. Your goal here is simply to pick up as many coins and take out as many enemies as possible. Make it our with the top score, and you’ll unlock Time Attack. Endless mode however, changes it up a bit. The falling part is the same, but the Yoshi stage will go on until you’re taken down. Rather than the end, when you reach 1000 meters, you’ll get to switch off to the next-ranked Yoshi, and then again for each 1000 meters you last. Besting the top score in this mode will net you challenge mode. Oh, and getting 100 points in Endless will make a Power Star drop, turning Baby Mario into Super Baby Mario for a while, who will run right through anything and toss an infinite amount of stars (as opposed to Yoshi’s eggs).

I haven’t really played much of the other two modes, so I’m not sure exactly how they go down, but I hear Time Attack has you racing to save Baby Luigi, and Challenge mode is a desperate attempt to stay two steps ahead of Kamek. Word on the street is that beating the top scores in all four modes will unlock some kind of bonus mini-game. The trial is certainly not an easy one, as it took me a while to simply unlock Time Attack and Challenge, and I doubt those two will be any easier.

From a graphical standpoint, the game has few rivals. The graphics are very similar to those of Yoshi’s Island, with the picture book style and pastel backgrounds. Animation is smooth and abundant. The music is excellent, particularly through headphones, and mostly remixes tunes from games of Yoshi’s past. Sounds are what you’d expect, with the standard “baby” Yoshi noises originating from Yoshi’s Story, and plus ten points for the removal of Baby Mario’s horribly annoying cries. Controls are, well, up to you. If you can’t figure out how to drag the stylus along the touch screen, you should probably be developing some motor skills rather than playing Nintendo.

Let’s see… Other things… Ooh, one cool thing is that you can pick avatars for your high scores, so that in case more than one person plays on the same game card, you know who got what score. I haven’t tried multiplayer, but it’s supposed to be a 1000 meter dash between two players. And there’s a built in Picto-chat detector too, but I think that it might sap the batteries a little faster when it’s enabled. Neat idea though.

Personally, I find the game to be a refreshing change from the usual level-hopping action of standard platformers, but as I said earlier, not everyone’s gonna like this. People who held Yoshi’s Island in high regard and are not open to change will most likely detest this game. Hell, people who don’t like different things in general probably won’t like it. But than again, those people probably won’t be playing the DS anyway. The ones who will like it however, are probably the old-schoolers. Those who grew up in the age of arcades and high scores. And of course, people like me who will enjoy pretty much anything you present them with. I’d give this game an unwavering A+. While it’s not really what most gamers look for these days, there isn’t anything wrong with it. It’s fun, it lasts, it plays well, and the superficial stuff is all good.

The Good Stuff:
  • Great sound and brilliant graphics
  • Unlockable modes
  • Plenty of replay value
  • Stylus/mic control is perfect
  • The Bad Stuff:
  • Not the Yoshi’s Island sequel I expected
  • Can be frustratingly hard
  • Multiplayer is less than fantastic
  • April whine

    I started writing an article today, but got bored and quit. Sorry to tease you and stuff. It’ll be done tomorrow. Won’t say what it’s about, but I’ll tell you this: it’s a sequel. Exciting.

    In other news, I had a kickass weekend. We went out to the cottage and I pretty much played Timesplitters: Future Perfect and Mario Party 6 the entire time. I also got to play with my grandpa’s air rifle. We even taped a flashlight onto the end so we could use it at night. Ah fun. But the beautiful tapestry that was the weekend did have one small stain on it. You see, my parents decided that It’d be a good idea to rent Garfield: the Movie.

    What’s even worse than the fact that they based a movie on a comic strip that is always the same boring crap over and over is that they went and pretty much messed it up as bad as they could have. I’m not a fan of Garfield by any measure, but I hate when a moive tears apart its source material, be it a comic, a game, a TV show or whatever. Firstly, they made Jon a character you don’t hate. They actually moulded him into the kind of person I would love to be. The worst part is that while in the comic, he utterly repulses women, in the movie, he doesn’t seem to have any trouble at all getting lucky. Then there’s the fact that Garfield is animated, while no other animal is. Odie, at the very least, should have gotten the CG treatment. Oh, and the actors really could have used some sort of reference object for when they had to interact with Garfield, as it looks really bad most of the time, particularly when someone’s supposed to be holding him. And to add the finishing blow, the movie was just plain bad. It was even more predictable than most crappy movies, and wasn’t entertaining at all. I would have rather watched Open Water again. Oh. Wait. I did. I told them not to rent it, but nobody listens to Ryan.

    Final score: A for “At least Jennifer Love Hewitt is hot”. (but really I’d give it an F–)

    The Funk Master is impressed

    Normally, I don’t buy a lot of sports games. Hell, if it weren’t for the Mario sports line, I probably wouldn’t buy any. While I’m here, Mario Power Tennis rocks. But back to my story. I generally don’t buy the sports games not because I don’t like them (I love hockey games), but because they don’t really catch my eye as something original or overly impressive. But that’s all about to change.

    EA and Nintendo have been getting rather cozy lately, and this collaboration is starting to spice up the GameCube versions of EA’s sports titles. First off is Fight Night Round 2. Not only is SNES classic Super Punch-Out!! included in the game, but if you manage to finish it, you can play as Little Mac in the main game. He looks terribly scary when rendered in 3D, but I love Punch-Out!! so this is a game that I’m definitely buying, if only for that.

    Also, the GameCube version of NBA Street V3 is going to include Mario, Luigi and Peach as playable characters. They’re horribly misproportioned when compared to the regular players, but it’s a cool idea nonetheless, and warrants at least a rent. I’m quite excited to hear about what other stuff they’ve got up their sleeves, but I’m pretty sure this collaboration, along with Nintendo’s own licensed baseball game (as long as it’s good), is going to end up helping the GameCube get more into the sports genre, where it’s currently suffering pretty badly.

    Oh yes, and there’s a new Steve article up. I’ve had it since Friday, but you know, the lazy.

    The Christmas Gift List 2004

    It’s taken me over a month to finally get down to business, but finally, I can proudly present to you the second annual Cristmas article. Maybe in the future I’ll have some more Cristmas-themed things to write about, but that’s a little ambitious for me. So yes, it’s taken me quite a while, and I would like to take the time to explain myself. If you don’t want to read the article lengthening banter that is my explaination, just skip right past the next paragraph. If you do want to see what paper-thin excuses I’ve come up with, continue on, my friend.

    I had originally wanted to do something different for christmas this year, but as you’ll see, it didn’t fly. I was planning to do complete reviews on each major item that I received, and then wrap up all the smaller ones into a separate article. But that idea never got off the ground, as it required me to do far too much writing in too little a time frame (I’m really bad for productivity. To date, I still haven’t finished the Disney World logs.). So now you get one big one. Then as if technology itself were trying to thrawrt me, I had uploaded about half the pictures you’ll see in this article onto the family PC, where I used to do most of my site work. it promoptly crashed a day or so afterward. The files were on a separate backup drive, and it wasn’t until just recently that I got around to putting it into my PC. So as you can plainly see, the lateness of this article is due to my extreme laziness. Oops.

    But I digress, it’s about time I talked about the Christmasy stuff. Oh, did you notice I put images in the title banner? I think it’s a nice touch, though slightly overbearing. I’d also like to voice my opinions on the parts of Christmas which are not gifts, but if you really want to know about that, you can go read the intro to last year’s Christmas article. It’s got all the deets, yo.

    As I did last year and will for many years to come, I shall start with the stocking. But why the stocking? Ah, that has got some lore behind it. So gather ’round while I tell ye the tale. Every year on christmas morn, us chill’ens get up anywheres between three to one hours before the folks do. Rules denote that no present is to be unwrapped while not under the watchful eye of the parents, so we must wait in agony for them to wake. But back in nineteen-odd-something, we struck a deal allowing us to dig into the stocking stuffers so that we might have something to do whilst we waited. And to this day, the stocking is always the first priority when dealing with Christmas-related affairs. Other big words, blah blah. Let’s move on.

    I can’t say I was overly pleased with this year’s run. while there are a few treasures, I have to express that there wasn’t nearly enough candy. I’m a man who likes his candy. And it was lacking. Less than half the good pictured are practical. i guess it’s just a part of getting older (Hell, I should be glad I’m even getting a stocking), but these useful things just aren’t what I look for in a stocking. I’ll have to make note of it for next year.

    Anyway, if you can’t tell from the picture, here’s what’s there. And in fancy list form, no less.

    • Halleluja! A Mastercraft utility knife!
    • Two blue pens. I always liked black better.
    • Orange Tic-Tacs. I hate orange.
    • A small chocolate Santa. Uneventful.
    • Mmm… Chocolate snowballs. Great for snacking.
    • Strawberry Bubblicious Bursts. A burst of flavour, then nothing. Crap.
    • LifeSavers book. Only six rolls? It used to be eight, dammit!
    • A foreign chocolate R. Hooray R!
    • Listerene Pocket Paks. Apparently good for dental hygiene.
    • A box of razor cartidges. My dad had better not use them all this time.
    • Cheap batteries. But, batteries is batteries.
    • Mitchum brand deodorant. God dammit! I like Brut!
    • Gilette shave gel. Again with the hoping dad doesn’t use it all.

    Ye Gods! Wrong colour pens. Wrong flavour Tic-Tacs. Wrong brand deodorant. Kinda make me wonder if my paren- err, Santa, knows me at all. But all in all, not a bad bunch of stuff, but like I said before, the candy. But the one thing that really impressed me…

    The utility knife. I don’t know if you’ve ever owned one of these bad boys, but they’re one of the most amazing things in the world. Able to slice through any annoying and normally impenetrable plastic packaging with the greatest of ease, the utility knife is not a tool that any well-equipped person should be without. I’d always waned one of these babies, and now the power to best even the most durable of materials is mine. Mine! But honestly, it’s one of the best tools to have around, and one of the most likely to become useful to boot. Sure, a multitool is handy in a pinch, but this baby’s got a blade like a… something real sharp. But you probably have good knowledge of the utility knife, as most normal people would, so I’ll just be moseying on along now.

    The most intriguing thing I found in this year’s stocking is this mysterious chocolate R. I can’t remember for sure, but I’m pretty certain that the box was entirely in not-English. It was labelled as “melkchocolade” or something to that effect. I’d check, but the box is long gone by now. Another reason why it would have been beneficial to have done this sooner. Now, I know that foreign chocolate is good stuff, but the only thing I was curious about is where exactly this was found. I guess I’ll have to look around the local confection stores, should I seek the solution to this conundrum. So yeah, shaped like an R.

    Next on the chopping block is the bag of stuff from my grandparent (father’s side). As long as I can remember, they’ve given bags of stuff. Of course, my memory’s about five years at max, so that’s not saying much. Anyhow, this one, as it is an actual gift, contains more substantial stuffings than the stocking. The rectangular object on the top is, as you might have guessed by the silhoutette, is a gift certificate for a round of golf. If only I didn’t have to wait through this horrid winter. the next, and more immediately accessible item is a gift card for Famous Players. I need companions for that one, though. You can’t just go to a movie alone. Or so I hear. And in the top right- Old Spice! My second-preferred deodorant! Hooray for my grandparents!

    Among the more obvious items is a tube of toothpaste, good old Crest style. Crest is awesome. Aquafresh wishes it were as good as Crest. And then there’s the Juicy Fruit. When in stick form, it’s good stuff. But the peices are just worthless. The sticks have a good run of flavour. Heck, I’ve been chewing one all night and it’s still got some left. The pieces, though, they go for like 20 seconds and then it’s over. Kinda like your mom. Oh! Burn! …Did that make sense? I think that kind of joke only works against men… Maybe next year. What you don’t see in the picture is a scarf and a cheque for 50 smackers. Booyah. I love money.

    Like the utility knife, I’ve wanted one of these for years now, but never goteen around to actually getting one. Until now, that is! If you don’t know what it is, I can’t help you, because I have no idea what it’s called. I can, however, tell you what it does. If you’re stuck with a TV that has only one set of A/V plugs like my own, and have many A/V using things around, this is just what the doctor ordered. You can just plug all your doodads into this box here, and switch them with a press of a button. It helps eliminate that annoying need to switch out the A/V cables all the time, and is really a pain saver if the jacks are on the back of the TV. Before I got his, I was too lazy to switch the plugs all the time, so if I wanted to play a Playstation game after a round of GameCube, I’d probably just consider it too much trouble and find something to do that required less effort. But now I switch in a matter of seconds, with no effort at all! Now I just need a power bar so I don’t have to switch out the power plugs all the time.

    Off to the right side, you’ll also note a roll of duct tape just barely in the picture. I got that for Christmas as well, but had forgotten up until I saw it in the picture. And that’s why it doesn’t have it’s own picture. Funny story. My mom was totally stupified when I said I wanted duct tape for Christmas. She thought it was weird to ask for, but got it for me anyway. OK, maybe it wasn’t that funny after all.

    Oh, and while I’m on the topic of things that didn’t get their own pictures (mostly just so that I don’t forget to mention them later), I also got a couple other “strange” goods for the big X to the Mas. for one, I got a pie from my youngest brother. It was an apple pie. I was hoping for pumpkin or cherry, but he bought me a freaking pie, so I was totally impressed. Also, my grandma got me some cheesecake. Both of these items were actually on my list (I wasn’t gonna make one orignally, but my mom requested it), and my brother and grandma are cool, so they totally came through for me. It was truly the tastiest Christmas ever.

    Hey, lookit that! Certainly something I never would have expected. My mom had been hounding me that I needed a new jacket, and I guess that suede deal I bought wasn’t exactly winter-worthy. I should have seen it coming. Mommy hates when I own a piece of outside clothing for more than three years. Of course, I’m one of those people who get really attached to their stuff, and don’t like to get new things. She did it with my poor boots too. My new ones are totally inferior, as they’re falling apart after about half a year, and the old ones lasted four years with minimal damage. But back to the jacket. As much as I love my old “black Michelin Man” jacket, this one is without a doubt superior in every way. Not only is it warmer, it’s also less of an eyesore, and it’s got like 600 pockets. I like it, and I think this one will be staying for quite a few years to come.

    With the appearance of the jacket, it only makes sense to take a look at any other clothing items, right? Best not to strew this stuff too far apart. This Christmas was very good to me clothes-wise. I got very few, and what I did get was exactly what I wanted. Most notably, and visible, is the new pair of pajama pants. I’ve been wearing jeans exclusively for so many years that I’m usually uncomfortable in anything else, but I love pajama pants. It’s like they were forged with the spirit of laziness. You can’t help but be a little lazy while wearing them. Maybe it’s that particular feature that has driven many schools to ban them. That stuff about them being too “unprofessional”? Bull. Authority likes to destroy morale (as far as my experience goes), and boy do pajama pants boost that trait. Oh yes, I actually received two pairs of these holy pants. The other pair is black. On top of that were a couple pairs of boxers. I won’t take a picture of me in my skivvies this year though. Don’t get me wrong, though. I’d love to, but then I’d have to get out of my chair and remove my pants, which is way more effort than I’m willing to put forth.

    As I’m working on a PC with no program that can indicate the number of words in a document, I have no idea how far along I am word-wise, but I do think that this would be an appropriate time to go onto the next page of stuff. Going by paragraphs, this is about how far I got last year when I went onto the second page, and this two-pager deal should be tradition. It’s good for making me look like I write a lot more than I actually do. Crap. I’ve run out of ways to extend this paragraph. Oh woe is me! I have no ideas for filler! Oh well, to the next page!

    [Pretend there’s a link to a Page 2 here. There really used to be!]

    I’ll be honest, I didn’t think this year was going to produce a two-pager. But as it turns out, I might have actually gotten more stuff this year than I did last. I won’t bother to count, but feel free to do so if it bothers you not to know. This is really strange, because I figured Christmas wouldn’t be as great an occasion since now I’m an adult. But it was pretty much the same. Everyone still treats me like a kid, so I’m happy. But as much as things stayed the same, there was a lot of difference from last year.

    The first thing, and most prominent for me, was our dog situation. Last year we had good old Mojo. I was forced to watch him a lot, so I got rather attached to the dog. But this year, we’ve got our new dogs. The whole season reminded me of Mojo, and gave me this strange sensation inside. I think it’s what you people call “emotion”. And then there was the fact that this year I only had two video games on my list, as opposed to the lists of years past that had only two items that weren’t video games. It could have something to do with the fact that this year I have a job and money, and I can buy the things I want. Lastly, this was teh first year where I eer had to actually go out to find things and buy them for my family. Previous years saw my parents doing my shopping for me, and it was different for me to have to do it for myself. But that’s enough reflection for now, it’s time we get back to the important matter at hand: showing off my material posessions!

    I had pretty much given up on my hopes of collecting the new line of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles toys after the third series came out, and haven’t gotten any since last X-Mas. But then I saw these guys, and I knew that if I was going to have any TMNT toys at all, these would have to be the ones. The Toddler Turtles are possibly the best version of the Turtles I’ve ever seen. While they only show up in the random flashback in the show, that’s more than enough to produce toys for them. Just look how cute! And the little pretend weapons! As a bonus, all four come in the same pack at the price of a normal figure, so you don’t have to shell (Ha! Shell!) out four times the cash to obtain the complete foursome. If you’d like to read up on them a little more, Matt has an in-depth review of the little guys. And many more pictures.

    It was inevitable. I tried to avoid it, I did, but people kept buying me DVDs of things, so it had to be done. I aksed for a DVD player. And then I got one. It’s not an expensive model, but it sure gets the job done. Plays the DVDs quite well, and also comes with MP3 support. I guess there’s not much else to say about it other than the black colour matches with my GameCube really well. And it fits on the shelf pretty good too. Ummm… I’m really reaching for stuff to say here, folks. Well, I’ve got nothing else, so it’s time to see what kind of stuff I got to use this with.

    Well what do you know, it’s season four of Friends! Still a good three seasons or so before the series apparently jumped the shark, it’s a good season to have. Full of excellent Joey antics (particularly when they go to England) and some great episodes, like the one with the big “who knows who better” game. Ah, that was a classic. But I still can’t think of an episode that beats The One Where Nobody’s Ready from season three. If you need a refresher, go check last year’s article. That should shed a little light on the subject. And once again, I seem to be left without much to say, so it’s onto the next thing.

    Hooray! Futurama! When the show first aired, I watched it every once in a while, but never really got into it, but ever since Teletoon’s been running the show, I’ve been watching every chance I get. And now, I have the season two DVD set! On top of that, I’ve bought seasons one and three between then and now, so I’ve got plenty of Futuama to watch whenever I want. It may just be a phase, but as it stands, Futurama is my favorite show on TV, new episodes or not. While I always enjoy the Simpsons (even the new ones, which for some reason, everyone else hates), I think Matt Groening really outdid himself with this series. Not to mention that it stars one of my favorite voice actors, Billy West, in at least three roles. And to top it all off, Dr. Zoidberg is probably my favorite cartoon character ever. He’s so awesome. I’ve actually been watching all the episodes with commentary, and it’s friggin’ hilarious. There are often a few too many people to keep track of, but it’s still really great, and offers a lot of insight into the show. Season four will be mine soon, and then I will have them ALL! Because having them ALL is a very popular theme with me.

    Good news, everyone. I’ve got what might be the most original game ever. Well, if Wario Ware had never existed, it certainly would be. Feel the Magic: XY/XX is a pleasure just to own. It’s an incredible game that easily deserves its own review. that’s why I’m doing one, and I won’t write much about it here, other than a few base facts. Base facts like how it uses the Nintendo DS’ touch screen to the fullest extent yet, and even uses the microphone feature on more than two occasions. It’s a deceptively simple, and somewhat short game, but it’s a blast to play, and would have been even better thad they implemented some sort of multiplayer mode. But no game is perfect, right?

    It’s funny how deceiving the cover is. It managed to trick my mom into thinking that it’s some kind of horrible sex game. I was even kinda surprised that she picked up on the chromosome thing in the title. I guess it’s common knolwedge to anyone who’s finished up to grade six or so, but I never really though that people knew hat kind of thing. Just seems like a little reference that only smart people would pick up on. So even though my mom was totally against it, I got it for Christmas. I even tried to get her playing it, but she just kind of gave up, saying it was too complicated. Pah. It’s funny how some people are so stubborn and won’t even try new things. Excellent game. This and Wario Ware: Touched! are easily worth buying a DS for.

    The Sims 2. Never thought I could really enjoy the Sims again, but then along comes this. It’s just the upgrade that the aging game needed. There were far too many expansions that didn’t really offer anything new. But the sequel packs it on, with many new gameplay features like Wants and Fears, the aging of your sims, and even little side-missions. I also recently learned that you can earn special items when you complete certain tasks, in a nod towards a similar feature in the SimCity games. i really can’t explain how much better this game is that the first. Hell, you can even decorate the neighborhoods if you so choose. Want some trees over by the shopping mall? Just plop ’em down. Not enough rainbows in your sky? Too many rainbows in your sky? Add some more, or tear ’em all down. I did a pretty comprehensive review in my Ten Greatest Games of 2004 article, so you should scooch on over there if you want more detail. For the abriged version, this game rocks. If you didn’t like the original, you probably won’t like this one either, but I think it’s damn good.

    Oh yes, and the big-boxed version comes with a “bonus hint book”. I’ll tell you now, that is a freaking exaggeration. Not only does it not need the big box, due to the book really being a booklet no larger than the instruction manual, but the hint book itself is pitifully worthless. All it really does is explain about the different aspirations, which the instruction manual and in-game help stuff do quite well. that’s really all there is to it. No more than a six-page aspiration explaination. Then it’s even got the nerve to advertise the real strategy guide on the back. That damn Prima is trying to sucker you into buying their guide for a game that doesn’t really need one by giving you a tiny taste of what they’re serving up. I should go buy a guide by any other publisher just out of spite.

    I was surprised last year at how not-so-bad Big Shiny Tunes 8 turned out to be. But I saw commercials for 9, and said to myself “it’s time to stop getting them”. With bands like Billy Talent, Evanescence, Nickelback (whom I don’t mind, I just can’t stand the new stuff, which it was bound to be), and a bunch of bands I’ve ne’er heard of, I was ready for this one to be craptacular. But really, it’s not so bad. It actually turned out quite well. Billy Talent, the only band on the CD I cannot cope with, is number one, so I just have to skip the first song every time and I’m good! Other than that, it contains the only Evanescence song I don’t mind, and I can tolerate Franz Ferdinand and Nickelback long enough to get to the good stuff. And speaking of which, you’ve got The Killers’ “Somebody Told Me”, a kickass Blink 182 song by the title “Feeling This” and astonishingly enough, Hoobastank is on the CD, but not with “The Reason” (which I’ve grown to dislike due to massive overplaying), but “Same Direction” which just plain rocks. Also worth mentioning are Jet and Yellowcard. Overall, it’s a pretty good CD. Much more than I expected. Now we’ll just see if 10 is any good, though I’m kind of hoping that it’ll be the last. These Big Shiny CDs are starting to clutter up my collection.

    Our last item for this year is this neat RC Mario Kart thingy. I’ve seen it online a couple of times, but have resisted buying it because of a rather hefty price tag. It’s a cool thing, and a great addition to my collection of Mario stuff, but I don’t think I’ll ever actually use it. For one, it needs like a bajillion batteries, including at least one 9-Volt. I just don’t have that kind of battery budget. Well, I suppose I could make the effort to buy a few, but still, it’s more of a display thing. A quick glance shows that it can only move straight forwards and back up to the right. Not exactly racing material if you ask me. My little micro-charger thing could probably win a race against this big boy, even though it would need a minute of charging every half-lap. You really can’t make an RC toy without the ability to turn. It just doesn’t work. But, you know, whatever. Better I get if at Christmas for free than give in to temptation and buy it from Lik-Sang for like 50 bucks. And if you think I wouldn’t eventually crack, you really don’t know me at all.

    And that, my friends, concludes my 2004 Cristmas article. It may have come late, but I sure think it turned out better than I was assuming it would. You may feel a bit cheated that I gave you a single review instead of a handful, but.. well, yeah, you got screwed. Unless you hate my writing, in which case this is the best case scenario. Except for if I had followed my orignialest plan and just not done one at all. But nay is the case and now it is done. i wish I could think up some more stuff to say, for a conclusion of a single paragraph is barely a conclusion at all.

    Ah, yes, that’s it. I’m quite surprised at how much stuff I got, considering that at 18 I’m pretty sure my gift allowance was to be cut in half at least. But it turns out that Santa is particularly nice to some adults. Heh heh. Yeah, my parents are great. I’m not sure what I’m gonna do that fateful year when they finally decide it’s time I grow out of getting a shitload of gifts. I guess by that time I won’t care quite as much as I do now. Or perhaps they’ll just wean me off slowly by giving me slightly less each year. It’s gonna be sad the first year this special isn’t a two-pager. I think that’s gonna be when I quit doing it. If the site lasts that long. But we’ve made it through two years of rambling filler, and I’ll bet I can make it to five, at least. I just hope somewhere along the way I can grow out of this Angelfire dirt. In any case, I hope you enjoyed. See you next article. Or blog post. Whatever.