It’s (still) aliiiiive!!

Not much to mention today other than the newest installment of the Work Blog is up. It’s called the December 2004 Edition, but it’s really not. It’s not even the Work Blog anymore, really. At least it’s a little more interesting than the first two entries. And it’s got four pictures.

If that’s not enough, I have a very short movie review for you. Here goes. “The Grudge” blows monkey nuts. The story is totally crap, with very little explanation of why stuff is happening, and lacks any ending at all. It doesn’t even hint at a sequel. The characters are all the dumbingest asses ever conceptualized, as they never, ever learn from their own or anyone else’s mistakes. They take the most obvious bait, and pretty much all end up dead because they’re fucking morons. And what’s worse, they all got scared to death. Only one of them actually got murdered, and that was just to open the “plot”. None of them even tried to defend themselves against the “zombies” (they really lack solid description), and instead just died huddled in puddles of their own bodily excretions. Oh wait, one of them just got sucked into nothingness. See, a zombie was chasing her, and she huddled under her covers. The zombie appeared under them, she got sucked under, and then they both just disappeared without even a hint of a plausible explanation. Urgh. It’s frustrating how terrible this movies is. At times it’s fun to laugh at, but most of the time it just makes your head hurt with its frivolous time-jumps and lack of any explanation of anything. I’d say you’d be a better person not to see it, but everyone should see it just so that the entire population of the world learns what a movie should not be like. I’m very disappointed in you, Sam Raimi. Such a respectable name associated with this filth… “The Grudge” killed at least thirty of my best brain cells.

But on the brighter side, I found and purchased all three TMNT movie DVDs today. I am contented to no end. Hooray for me.

Oh yes, and I was tolerant of the PSP before, but now I hate it because the president of SCE is a fucking egomaniacal douchebag. I’m not trying to tell you what to think, but read on and come to your own conclusions.

Band of the Month – February 2005

Before I get down to business, there are a few other things to report. Namely, the newest Steve article is up. If you don’t know where to find it by now, you’re a lost cause. Next up, working 6 to 2 is great, but causes much sleepiness. Third, Zoidberg rules! And lastly, I can’t actually play the game, but the intro video of Silent Hill 4 inspires a true fear deep in my heart. It’s freaky as hell, and I just wish the nerds at GameFAQs would tell me how to make my computer do pixel shading. I’d ask somewhere else, but then I’d have to sign up, and it’s just not worth the hassle.

But back to what’s truly important, my Band of the Month feature! this month, it’s Jimmy Eat World! You might have heard of their big singles “Sweetness” and “The Middle”. They was pretty everywhere at the time. And those are the ones that really put them on the map, as far as I can tell. I’d never heard of ’em before, and that’s as far as I care to investigate. Apparently, they had like three CDs out before those. It may have been two. I’m not doing any more reasearch than doing a search on Amazon.com. In any case, those songs are pretty much their claim to fame, even though they’re not exactly their best songs.

So this month is gonna be different. I really haven’t listened to much of their stuff, but I have obtained their newest disc, Futures, and I’m pretty much going to be doing the entire review on that CD alone. It’s not like it’s all they have, but I haven’t listened to a single song off any other album (aside from “Sweetness” and “the Middle”), so I’d be making even more grand assumptions than usual. And even I have my limits when it comes to making stuff up.

So this Futures, it must kick quite a bit of ass if I’m going to be basing a whole BotM on it alone. Well, it certainly does. I bought it pretty much blindly, having no idea whether I would like it or not (I never liked “Sweetness” quite as much as everyone else. “The Middle” is pretty good). But it was an excellent buy in the end. Jimmy Eat World is easily one of the best bands of today. Their sound constantly shifts between hard and soft, but is always very powerful. While I generally don’t care too much for emotion in music, it just pours out of these guys. The strong music and vocals work perfectly together (as you might expect) and create some very enjoyable tunes.

The title track, “Futures”, is an excellent starting point, and the following songs “Just Tonight” and “Work” are almost as good. “Kill” is great, as it’s an almost prefect blend of hard and slow rock. “The World You Love” is my favorite song on the disc. It starts peaceful and soft, and kind of inspires a feeling of hope. The kind of song you’d hear during the end montage of a movie. The chorus is a little faster and harder, but doesn’t totally change the pace of the song. If this were the only song I’d heard from the CD, I never would have second-guessed buying it. The next song, “Pain”, is harder, more tense and does a good job of contrasting with “The World You Love”.

“Drugs or Me” is a really slow ballad, and brings about a mood of despair. A good song, but it would be more suited near the end of the album, rather than smack in the middle. “Polaris” is another slower one, but gets a little harder once the chorus comes into play. An great love song, if that’s what you’re in the market for. After the last two songs, the hardcore “Nothingwrong” comes stright out of left field, and features some kick ass guitar work. “Night Drive” is again, a slow song, but this time with the rarely seem theme (since the 80’s or so) of making out in a car. The final and longest song, “23”, is proably also the deepest. It’s another ballad, and kind of gives the message that you can’t hold onto the past forever, and you can’t just expect everything to happen for you. It’s a great song to go out on, for sure.

Like I said, stellar album. You should buy it. I think I urge you to do that every time, but this time I suggest it to everyone, and not just those who like yon specific genre. Maybe even look into their older stuff. It may be top-notch as well. No regrets here, just feelin’ satisfied. Oops, wrong band. Maybe I’ll review Boston next month. In any case, go read Steve’s article if you haven’t and tune in this weekend for my final impressions on Resident Evil 4.

The Funk Master is impressed

Normally, I don’t buy a lot of sports games. Hell, if it weren’t for the Mario sports line, I probably wouldn’t buy any. While I’m here, Mario Power Tennis rocks. But back to my story. I generally don’t buy the sports games not because I don’t like them (I love hockey games), but because they don’t really catch my eye as something original or overly impressive. But that’s all about to change.

EA and Nintendo have been getting rather cozy lately, and this collaboration is starting to spice up the GameCube versions of EA’s sports titles. First off is Fight Night Round 2. Not only is SNES classic Super Punch-Out!! included in the game, but if you manage to finish it, you can play as Little Mac in the main game. He looks terribly scary when rendered in 3D, but I love Punch-Out!! so this is a game that I’m definitely buying, if only for that.

Also, the GameCube version of NBA Street V3 is going to include Mario, Luigi and Peach as playable characters. They’re horribly misproportioned when compared to the regular players, but it’s a cool idea nonetheless, and warrants at least a rent. I’m quite excited to hear about what other stuff they’ve got up their sleeves, but I’m pretty sure this collaboration, along with Nintendo’s own licensed baseball game (as long as it’s good), is going to end up helping the GameCube get more into the sports genre, where it’s currently suffering pretty badly.

Oh yes, and there’s a new Steve article up. I’ve had it since Friday, but you know, the lazy.

The Christmas Gift List 2004

It’s taken me over a month to finally get down to business, but finally, I can proudly present to you the second annual Cristmas article. Maybe in the future I’ll have some more Cristmas-themed things to write about, but that’s a little ambitious for me. So yes, it’s taken me quite a while, and I would like to take the time to explain myself. If you don’t want to read the article lengthening banter that is my explaination, just skip right past the next paragraph. If you do want to see what paper-thin excuses I’ve come up with, continue on, my friend.

I had originally wanted to do something different for christmas this year, but as you’ll see, it didn’t fly. I was planning to do complete reviews on each major item that I received, and then wrap up all the smaller ones into a separate article. But that idea never got off the ground, as it required me to do far too much writing in too little a time frame (I’m really bad for productivity. To date, I still haven’t finished the Disney World logs.). So now you get one big one. Then as if technology itself were trying to thrawrt me, I had uploaded about half the pictures you’ll see in this article onto the family PC, where I used to do most of my site work. it promoptly crashed a day or so afterward. The files were on a separate backup drive, and it wasn’t until just recently that I got around to putting it into my PC. So as you can plainly see, the lateness of this article is due to my extreme laziness. Oops.

But I digress, it’s about time I talked about the Christmasy stuff. Oh, did you notice I put images in the title banner? I think it’s a nice touch, though slightly overbearing. I’d also like to voice my opinions on the parts of Christmas which are not gifts, but if you really want to know about that, you can go read the intro to last year’s Christmas article. It’s got all the deets, yo.

As I did last year and will for many years to come, I shall start with the stocking. But why the stocking? Ah, that has got some lore behind it. So gather ’round while I tell ye the tale. Every year on christmas morn, us chill’ens get up anywheres between three to one hours before the folks do. Rules denote that no present is to be unwrapped while not under the watchful eye of the parents, so we must wait in agony for them to wake. But back in nineteen-odd-something, we struck a deal allowing us to dig into the stocking stuffers so that we might have something to do whilst we waited. And to this day, the stocking is always the first priority when dealing with Christmas-related affairs. Other big words, blah blah. Let’s move on.

I can’t say I was overly pleased with this year’s run. while there are a few treasures, I have to express that there wasn’t nearly enough candy. I’m a man who likes his candy. And it was lacking. Less than half the good pictured are practical. i guess it’s just a part of getting older (Hell, I should be glad I’m even getting a stocking), but these useful things just aren’t what I look for in a stocking. I’ll have to make note of it for next year.

Anyway, if you can’t tell from the picture, here’s what’s there. And in fancy list form, no less.

  • Halleluja! A Mastercraft utility knife!
  • Two blue pens. I always liked black better.
  • Orange Tic-Tacs. I hate orange.
  • A small chocolate Santa. Uneventful.
  • Mmm… Chocolate snowballs. Great for snacking.
  • Strawberry Bubblicious Bursts. A burst of flavour, then nothing. Crap.
  • LifeSavers book. Only six rolls? It used to be eight, dammit!
  • A foreign chocolate R. Hooray R!
  • Listerene Pocket Paks. Apparently good for dental hygiene.
  • A box of razor cartidges. My dad had better not use them all this time.
  • Cheap batteries. But, batteries is batteries.
  • Mitchum brand deodorant. God dammit! I like Brut!
  • Gilette shave gel. Again with the hoping dad doesn’t use it all.

Ye Gods! Wrong colour pens. Wrong flavour Tic-Tacs. Wrong brand deodorant. Kinda make me wonder if my paren- err, Santa, knows me at all. But all in all, not a bad bunch of stuff, but like I said before, the candy. But the one thing that really impressed me…

The utility knife. I don’t know if you’ve ever owned one of these bad boys, but they’re one of the most amazing things in the world. Able to slice through any annoying and normally impenetrable plastic packaging with the greatest of ease, the utility knife is not a tool that any well-equipped person should be without. I’d always waned one of these babies, and now the power to best even the most durable of materials is mine. Mine! But honestly, it’s one of the best tools to have around, and one of the most likely to become useful to boot. Sure, a multitool is handy in a pinch, but this baby’s got a blade like a… something real sharp. But you probably have good knowledge of the utility knife, as most normal people would, so I’ll just be moseying on along now.

The most intriguing thing I found in this year’s stocking is this mysterious chocolate R. I can’t remember for sure, but I’m pretty certain that the box was entirely in not-English. It was labelled as “melkchocolade” or something to that effect. I’d check, but the box is long gone by now. Another reason why it would have been beneficial to have done this sooner. Now, I know that foreign chocolate is good stuff, but the only thing I was curious about is where exactly this was found. I guess I’ll have to look around the local confection stores, should I seek the solution to this conundrum. So yeah, shaped like an R.

Next on the chopping block is the bag of stuff from my grandparent (father’s side). As long as I can remember, they’ve given bags of stuff. Of course, my memory’s about five years at max, so that’s not saying much. Anyhow, this one, as it is an actual gift, contains more substantial stuffings than the stocking. The rectangular object on the top is, as you might have guessed by the silhoutette, is a gift certificate for a round of golf. If only I didn’t have to wait through this horrid winter. the next, and more immediately accessible item is a gift card for Famous Players. I need companions for that one, though. You can’t just go to a movie alone. Or so I hear. And in the top right- Old Spice! My second-preferred deodorant! Hooray for my grandparents!

Among the more obvious items is a tube of toothpaste, good old Crest style. Crest is awesome. Aquafresh wishes it were as good as Crest. And then there’s the Juicy Fruit. When in stick form, it’s good stuff. But the peices are just worthless. The sticks have a good run of flavour. Heck, I’ve been chewing one all night and it’s still got some left. The pieces, though, they go for like 20 seconds and then it’s over. Kinda like your mom. Oh! Burn! …Did that make sense? I think that kind of joke only works against men… Maybe next year. What you don’t see in the picture is a scarf and a cheque for 50 smackers. Booyah. I love money.

Like the utility knife, I’ve wanted one of these for years now, but never goteen around to actually getting one. Until now, that is! If you don’t know what it is, I can’t help you, because I have no idea what it’s called. I can, however, tell you what it does. If you’re stuck with a TV that has only one set of A/V plugs like my own, and have many A/V using things around, this is just what the doctor ordered. You can just plug all your doodads into this box here, and switch them with a press of a button. It helps eliminate that annoying need to switch out the A/V cables all the time, and is really a pain saver if the jacks are on the back of the TV. Before I got his, I was too lazy to switch the plugs all the time, so if I wanted to play a Playstation game after a round of GameCube, I’d probably just consider it too much trouble and find something to do that required less effort. But now I switch in a matter of seconds, with no effort at all! Now I just need a power bar so I don’t have to switch out the power plugs all the time.

Off to the right side, you’ll also note a roll of duct tape just barely in the picture. I got that for Christmas as well, but had forgotten up until I saw it in the picture. And that’s why it doesn’t have it’s own picture. Funny story. My mom was totally stupified when I said I wanted duct tape for Christmas. She thought it was weird to ask for, but got it for me anyway. OK, maybe it wasn’t that funny after all.

Oh, and while I’m on the topic of things that didn’t get their own pictures (mostly just so that I don’t forget to mention them later), I also got a couple other “strange” goods for the big X to the Mas. for one, I got a pie from my youngest brother. It was an apple pie. I was hoping for pumpkin or cherry, but he bought me a freaking pie, so I was totally impressed. Also, my grandma got me some cheesecake. Both of these items were actually on my list (I wasn’t gonna make one orignally, but my mom requested it), and my brother and grandma are cool, so they totally came through for me. It was truly the tastiest Christmas ever.

Hey, lookit that! Certainly something I never would have expected. My mom had been hounding me that I needed a new jacket, and I guess that suede deal I bought wasn’t exactly winter-worthy. I should have seen it coming. Mommy hates when I own a piece of outside clothing for more than three years. Of course, I’m one of those people who get really attached to their stuff, and don’t like to get new things. She did it with my poor boots too. My new ones are totally inferior, as they’re falling apart after about half a year, and the old ones lasted four years with minimal damage. But back to the jacket. As much as I love my old “black Michelin Man” jacket, this one is without a doubt superior in every way. Not only is it warmer, it’s also less of an eyesore, and it’s got like 600 pockets. I like it, and I think this one will be staying for quite a few years to come.

With the appearance of the jacket, it only makes sense to take a look at any other clothing items, right? Best not to strew this stuff too far apart. This Christmas was very good to me clothes-wise. I got very few, and what I did get was exactly what I wanted. Most notably, and visible, is the new pair of pajama pants. I’ve been wearing jeans exclusively for so many years that I’m usually uncomfortable in anything else, but I love pajama pants. It’s like they were forged with the spirit of laziness. You can’t help but be a little lazy while wearing them. Maybe it’s that particular feature that has driven many schools to ban them. That stuff about them being too “unprofessional”? Bull. Authority likes to destroy morale (as far as my experience goes), and boy do pajama pants boost that trait. Oh yes, I actually received two pairs of these holy pants. The other pair is black. On top of that were a couple pairs of boxers. I won’t take a picture of me in my skivvies this year though. Don’t get me wrong, though. I’d love to, but then I’d have to get out of my chair and remove my pants, which is way more effort than I’m willing to put forth.

As I’m working on a PC with no program that can indicate the number of words in a document, I have no idea how far along I am word-wise, but I do think that this would be an appropriate time to go onto the next page of stuff. Going by paragraphs, this is about how far I got last year when I went onto the second page, and this two-pager deal should be tradition. It’s good for making me look like I write a lot more than I actually do. Crap. I’ve run out of ways to extend this paragraph. Oh woe is me! I have no ideas for filler! Oh well, to the next page!

[Pretend there’s a link to a Page 2 here. There really used to be!]

I’ll be honest, I didn’t think this year was going to produce a two-pager. But as it turns out, I might have actually gotten more stuff this year than I did last. I won’t bother to count, but feel free to do so if it bothers you not to know. This is really strange, because I figured Christmas wouldn’t be as great an occasion since now I’m an adult. But it was pretty much the same. Everyone still treats me like a kid, so I’m happy. But as much as things stayed the same, there was a lot of difference from last year.

The first thing, and most prominent for me, was our dog situation. Last year we had good old Mojo. I was forced to watch him a lot, so I got rather attached to the dog. But this year, we’ve got our new dogs. The whole season reminded me of Mojo, and gave me this strange sensation inside. I think it’s what you people call “emotion”. And then there was the fact that this year I only had two video games on my list, as opposed to the lists of years past that had only two items that weren’t video games. It could have something to do with the fact that this year I have a job and money, and I can buy the things I want. Lastly, this was teh first year where I eer had to actually go out to find things and buy them for my family. Previous years saw my parents doing my shopping for me, and it was different for me to have to do it for myself. But that’s enough reflection for now, it’s time we get back to the important matter at hand: showing off my material posessions!

I had pretty much given up on my hopes of collecting the new line of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles toys after the third series came out, and haven’t gotten any since last X-Mas. But then I saw these guys, and I knew that if I was going to have any TMNT toys at all, these would have to be the ones. The Toddler Turtles are possibly the best version of the Turtles I’ve ever seen. While they only show up in the random flashback in the show, that’s more than enough to produce toys for them. Just look how cute! And the little pretend weapons! As a bonus, all four come in the same pack at the price of a normal figure, so you don’t have to shell (Ha! Shell!) out four times the cash to obtain the complete foursome. If you’d like to read up on them a little more, Matt has an in-depth review of the little guys. And many more pictures.

It was inevitable. I tried to avoid it, I did, but people kept buying me DVDs of things, so it had to be done. I aksed for a DVD player. And then I got one. It’s not an expensive model, but it sure gets the job done. Plays the DVDs quite well, and also comes with MP3 support. I guess there’s not much else to say about it other than the black colour matches with my GameCube really well. And it fits on the shelf pretty good too. Ummm… I’m really reaching for stuff to say here, folks. Well, I’ve got nothing else, so it’s time to see what kind of stuff I got to use this with.

Well what do you know, it’s season four of Friends! Still a good three seasons or so before the series apparently jumped the shark, it’s a good season to have. Full of excellent Joey antics (particularly when they go to England) and some great episodes, like the one with the big “who knows who better” game. Ah, that was a classic. But I still can’t think of an episode that beats The One Where Nobody’s Ready from season three. If you need a refresher, go check last year’s article. That should shed a little light on the subject. And once again, I seem to be left without much to say, so it’s onto the next thing.

Hooray! Futurama! When the show first aired, I watched it every once in a while, but never really got into it, but ever since Teletoon’s been running the show, I’ve been watching every chance I get. And now, I have the season two DVD set! On top of that, I’ve bought seasons one and three between then and now, so I’ve got plenty of Futuama to watch whenever I want. It may just be a phase, but as it stands, Futurama is my favorite show on TV, new episodes or not. While I always enjoy the Simpsons (even the new ones, which for some reason, everyone else hates), I think Matt Groening really outdid himself with this series. Not to mention that it stars one of my favorite voice actors, Billy West, in at least three roles. And to top it all off, Dr. Zoidberg is probably my favorite cartoon character ever. He’s so awesome. I’ve actually been watching all the episodes with commentary, and it’s friggin’ hilarious. There are often a few too many people to keep track of, but it’s still really great, and offers a lot of insight into the show. Season four will be mine soon, and then I will have them ALL! Because having them ALL is a very popular theme with me.

Good news, everyone. I’ve got what might be the most original game ever. Well, if Wario Ware had never existed, it certainly would be. Feel the Magic: XY/XX is a pleasure just to own. It’s an incredible game that easily deserves its own review. that’s why I’m doing one, and I won’t write much about it here, other than a few base facts. Base facts like how it uses the Nintendo DS’ touch screen to the fullest extent yet, and even uses the microphone feature on more than two occasions. It’s a deceptively simple, and somewhat short game, but it’s a blast to play, and would have been even better thad they implemented some sort of multiplayer mode. But no game is perfect, right?

It’s funny how deceiving the cover is. It managed to trick my mom into thinking that it’s some kind of horrible sex game. I was even kinda surprised that she picked up on the chromosome thing in the title. I guess it’s common knolwedge to anyone who’s finished up to grade six or so, but I never really though that people knew hat kind of thing. Just seems like a little reference that only smart people would pick up on. So even though my mom was totally against it, I got it for Christmas. I even tried to get her playing it, but she just kind of gave up, saying it was too complicated. Pah. It’s funny how some people are so stubborn and won’t even try new things. Excellent game. This and Wario Ware: Touched! are easily worth buying a DS for.

The Sims 2. Never thought I could really enjoy the Sims again, but then along comes this. It’s just the upgrade that the aging game needed. There were far too many expansions that didn’t really offer anything new. But the sequel packs it on, with many new gameplay features like Wants and Fears, the aging of your sims, and even little side-missions. I also recently learned that you can earn special items when you complete certain tasks, in a nod towards a similar feature in the SimCity games. i really can’t explain how much better this game is that the first. Hell, you can even decorate the neighborhoods if you so choose. Want some trees over by the shopping mall? Just plop ’em down. Not enough rainbows in your sky? Too many rainbows in your sky? Add some more, or tear ’em all down. I did a pretty comprehensive review in my Ten Greatest Games of 2004 article, so you should scooch on over there if you want more detail. For the abriged version, this game rocks. If you didn’t like the original, you probably won’t like this one either, but I think it’s damn good.

Oh yes, and the big-boxed version comes with a “bonus hint book”. I’ll tell you now, that is a freaking exaggeration. Not only does it not need the big box, due to the book really being a booklet no larger than the instruction manual, but the hint book itself is pitifully worthless. All it really does is explain about the different aspirations, which the instruction manual and in-game help stuff do quite well. that’s really all there is to it. No more than a six-page aspiration explaination. Then it’s even got the nerve to advertise the real strategy guide on the back. That damn Prima is trying to sucker you into buying their guide for a game that doesn’t really need one by giving you a tiny taste of what they’re serving up. I should go buy a guide by any other publisher just out of spite.

I was surprised last year at how not-so-bad Big Shiny Tunes 8 turned out to be. But I saw commercials for 9, and said to myself “it’s time to stop getting them”. With bands like Billy Talent, Evanescence, Nickelback (whom I don’t mind, I just can’t stand the new stuff, which it was bound to be), and a bunch of bands I’ve ne’er heard of, I was ready for this one to be craptacular. But really, it’s not so bad. It actually turned out quite well. Billy Talent, the only band on the CD I cannot cope with, is number one, so I just have to skip the first song every time and I’m good! Other than that, it contains the only Evanescence song I don’t mind, and I can tolerate Franz Ferdinand and Nickelback long enough to get to the good stuff. And speaking of which, you’ve got The Killers’ “Somebody Told Me”, a kickass Blink 182 song by the title “Feeling This” and astonishingly enough, Hoobastank is on the CD, but not with “The Reason” (which I’ve grown to dislike due to massive overplaying), but “Same Direction” which just plain rocks. Also worth mentioning are Jet and Yellowcard. Overall, it’s a pretty good CD. Much more than I expected. Now we’ll just see if 10 is any good, though I’m kind of hoping that it’ll be the last. These Big Shiny CDs are starting to clutter up my collection.

Our last item for this year is this neat RC Mario Kart thingy. I’ve seen it online a couple of times, but have resisted buying it because of a rather hefty price tag. It’s a cool thing, and a great addition to my collection of Mario stuff, but I don’t think I’ll ever actually use it. For one, it needs like a bajillion batteries, including at least one 9-Volt. I just don’t have that kind of battery budget. Well, I suppose I could make the effort to buy a few, but still, it’s more of a display thing. A quick glance shows that it can only move straight forwards and back up to the right. Not exactly racing material if you ask me. My little micro-charger thing could probably win a race against this big boy, even though it would need a minute of charging every half-lap. You really can’t make an RC toy without the ability to turn. It just doesn’t work. But, you know, whatever. Better I get if at Christmas for free than give in to temptation and buy it from Lik-Sang for like 50 bucks. And if you think I wouldn’t eventually crack, you really don’t know me at all.

And that, my friends, concludes my 2004 Cristmas article. It may have come late, but I sure think it turned out better than I was assuming it would. You may feel a bit cheated that I gave you a single review instead of a handful, but.. well, yeah, you got screwed. Unless you hate my writing, in which case this is the best case scenario. Except for if I had followed my orignialest plan and just not done one at all. But nay is the case and now it is done. i wish I could think up some more stuff to say, for a conclusion of a single paragraph is barely a conclusion at all.

Ah, yes, that’s it. I’m quite surprised at how much stuff I got, considering that at 18 I’m pretty sure my gift allowance was to be cut in half at least. But it turns out that Santa is particularly nice to some adults. Heh heh. Yeah, my parents are great. I’m not sure what I’m gonna do that fateful year when they finally decide it’s time I grow out of getting a shitload of gifts. I guess by that time I won’t care quite as much as I do now. Or perhaps they’ll just wean me off slowly by giving me slightly less each year. It’s gonna be sad the first year this special isn’t a two-pager. I think that’s gonna be when I quit doing it. If the site lasts that long. But we’ve made it through two years of rambling filler, and I’ll bet I can make it to five, at least. I just hope somewhere along the way I can grow out of this Angelfire dirt. In any case, I hope you enjoyed. See you next article. Or blog post. Whatever.

I did it. Now I’m tired. Leave me alone.

After just slightly over a month of pissing around, I’ve finally finished the 2004 Christmas haul article. It’s probably rife with spelling errors, as I’ve been working on it since 10 last night. But now it’s done and I can finally go to bed. After I say one last thing.

I was reading over some of my old articles today, and found myself laughing quite heartily at some of them. I always thought my writing was just crap that people said was good to avoid hurting my feelings. Maybe that’s the truth, but I’m actually enjoying them, so I’ve got a little more reason to keep doing this. So anyway, enjoy the Christmas thing. I’m gonna do another one next time I get a day off. But I won’t know when that is until Thursday, so whatever. I’m sleepy.

I’m sure there’s something else i’m supposed to say now, but I’m too damn tired. It’s going to have to wait until tomorrow.

Ow! My freaking ears!

I just spent the last 47 minutes listening to The Killers’ CD, Hot Fuss, and I can’t say that I’m overly impressed. While their big hit “Somebody Told Me” is a kickass song, I just can’t say the same for the rest of the disc. I assume that they’re an acquired taste, and if I listened to it a few more times I might get to like it, but I have other music that I know I like so I don’t think The Killers will be making it into my library anytime soon. Thank God I listened to the CD before buying it. Ths is a prime lesson in why you should never buy a CD until you’ve heard at least half the songs. I’mma go listen to Tesla now.

So… What else have I done lately? Oh, I downloaded the Rockman X8 PC demo today. you can find it here if you feel like giving it a spin. Just scroll down and hit the big red button. I was impressed by it, mostly because it’s so much better than X7 (which even I’ll admit was pretty sad). The only thing that disappointed me is that I doesn’t have any gamepad support. Or I’m just a dumbass and couldn’t figure out how to enable it (EDIT 9:10PM: Yep, I’m a dumbass. Found the option…). It’s got one helluva Capcom logo animation. I recommend downloading it just for that.

Shit, Sky Captain comes out tomorrow! I’m totally hyped. I love that movie so much. I guess that’s it for today. I’ll do some article work tomorrow. Maybe even get one done. Who knows.

Noteworthy

A short while back I got fed up with having like 7 BitTornado windows open at once, and finally got around to installing this program called Azureus. Good stuff. Hold on, I’m going somewhere with this. so I’m looking for “test subjects” down at the old torrent dump, and I come across a peculiar anime movie called “Sonic Adventure 2”. I’m like “Hey, that’s a game, not a movie!” And I downloaded it because I like and own the game. Impressions are as follows.

It was indeed an anime movie based on the Sonic Adventure 2 game. I was shocked, because I was sure I would have heard of such a thing. Anyhow, it’s surely a movie of the Sonic X anime, which is very, very loosely based on the first Sonic Adventure game. Only, the anime introduces many new characters and of course, takes away a lot of element from the games. So if you’re still following me, the movie’s story is that of the game, but changes just enough to make it fit in with the anime’s plot. And as I can only assume (because I stopped following the Sonic X anime and pretty much anything I was watching when I started working), the movie introduces several plot points and characters, which will carry over into the anime with no explaination, leaving all of us who live outside of Japan to wonder what’s going on. Only I’m on the inside now, because I’ve seen the movie.

With that moderately confusing paragraph behind us, let’s discuss some other stuff about this particular movie, shall we? The thing that I first noticed is that opposite to all toon-to-movies I’ve seen in my time, the animation in Sonic Adventure 2 is inferior to that of Sonic X. In fact the overall quality was somewhat lower than I would expect, leading me to beleive that no-one involved with Sonic X had anything to do with this movie. Of course, I’m not going to research this at all, so if you can tell me different, go right ahead. My E-Mail address is at the bottom of the sidebar. Also noted was that they managed to keep all the main ideas of the game’s story mostly intact. While a bunch of anime-exclusive character story was added and intertwined with the base story, they also did a pretty good job of explaining the main plot, whereas the game left you kinda confused at several points. Of course, it was somewhat connected with the Sonic X story, so if you hadn’t been watching that, you might be left in the dark on several occasions. Lastly, the subtitles were pretty poor. they were there and all, but the translators were clearly not that proficient in English, as the Engrish is piled on throughout.

Other interesting news bits for this update include: Mike has re-arranged his website. Again. It once again has content on it, much to my delight. The last couple incarnations did not, so it makes for a nice change. Steve also writes for this website, and it features a message board much like my own. I would urge you to post at either, but you’re really better off at the Mists of Avalon Online forum. More people, and they actually post every once in a while.

The full version of the Rockman.EXE Stream anime opening theme, Be Somewhere, has been released. Find it from here. While we’re talking of anime themes, you can download the opening and ending themes of the Viewtiful Joe anime at this website. You’ll have to sign up if you want them, but they’re not great, so unless you’re a huge VJ fan like m’self…

And as much as I hate relying on Gorillamask for things to post about (I try to find stuff myself, but I don’t have hundreds of people e-mailing me things they find interesting every day), here’s a nerd test. Take it, see how much of a nerd you are. Apparently, i’m barely a nerd at all. I was slightly surprised, but I guess I’m just more anti-social than nerdy.

Tiny-huge Hyrule

Firstly, I want you to read this review. It pretty much gets my point across. When you’re done with that, then you can move onto the rest of my stuff. It kinda fits together. You’ll see.

So, RE4 is Zelda good. Yep. But how good is Zelda? Duh. That’s a no-brainer. But for the sake of completeness and having proof, it’s time I reviewed the newest entry into the Legend of Zelda series. That’s right, it’s about time I shared my thoughts about The Legend of Zelda: the Minish Cap.

To start, the game is flawless. That means it has not even a single flaw. Some minor annoyances, but nothing big enough to be considered a flaw. Many people will disagree with what I’m saying, what with so many people focused so much on how many dungeons a game has, or how many hours it takes to finish. These people are dumb. These people are asses. these people are dumbasses. I’ll not lie, the Minish Cap has “only” six dungeons. This is not far off from the last two games; Majora’s Mask and the Wind Waker. The one thing that most people do not realize is that while the main quest may be “short”, there are more bonus kajiggers to find and questdoodles to complete than you could shake any type of long object at, be it a stick, a hockey stick, or a cardboard tube. But that is not my point, my point is that while the main adventure is (again with the quotation marks) “short”, the game is a simply amazing video game experience.

The Minish Cap is without a doubt one of the best GameBoy Advance games out there. You’ll be seeing this one on more than a few “Best games of 2005” lists. The most defining point is the fact that it’s an entirely new adventure. While we’ve seen a couple of new Zelda games in the last few years (the Wind Waker, Four Swords Adventures), Nintendo has been doing a lot of porting. Most of it was promotional material, but that’s not important. Only a new Super Mario Bros game would impress and shock us more. Aside from the story, there is plenty of new stuff in the Minish Cap. For one, Link isn’t really any hero of destiny in this one, he just kind of gets voted into it when he turns out to be the only able person in the room at the time. Heck, the game would star the King of Hyrule or his attendant if it weren’t for a convenient plot point. It’s not a huge point of interest, but it’s a neat little change. Aside from that, not one of the bosses have been seen in a previous game. Wait… One of the bosses was seen in a previous game (and the final boss, but he was… different… in that one, so it doesn’t count). The dungeons are excellently designed, with some puzzles that can leave you scratching your head for quite some time. There are no less than three new tools for Link to acquire, and plenty of other great new additions.

But of course, the game also has it’s share of classic influence. Most notable, it uses the great GB Zelda control scheme of equipping one weapon to the A button and another to the B button. Sadly, a couple of the cool hidden weapon combos from Link’s Awakening are missing, namely the bomb arrows. A lot of the sub-characters come from the range of past Zelda games. Sadly, the old man from the first game is still missing. Plenty of Link’s Awakening’s enemies make their fantastic returns, such as Bob-ombs and those face-plated guys. You know, the ones where you had to remove the armor with the hookshot. Plus, I’m pretty sure that a lot of the sound effects come straight from Link’s Awakening. That’s my favorite Zelda game of all time, for those who didn’t know. A lot of Wind Waker influence is presented in terms of visuals, and the Palace of Winds level will make many people think back to Four Sowrds Adventures, had they played the game. Oh yes, and it also just happens to be a prequel to the established Four Swords storyline. Possibly the best part is that the Ocarina has gone back to it’s original use as transportation and transporation alone. I hated having musical instruments as key items.

So what’s this all about the game being small and such? Well, the first thing you’ll notice is that the map is deceptively tiny. This will throw you off, as the world map is a decent size, though notably smaller than those of past Zelda games. But, while it doesn’t have an entire alternate map, there is plenty of exploration opportuninty, with winding paths everywhere and many spots accessibl only to a tiny Link. The square mileage may be less, but its more crammed with stuff than you might assume. And yes, the dungeon count is six. Four main dungeons, one “red herring” dungeon, and the final castle. They’re certainly large places, and each has it’s own unique ways of tripping you up, be it inconspicuous bombable walls or mine cart mazes.

Is it hard? In a word: maybe. It’s like the every Zelda and Metroid game. If you look for all the optional/hidden power-ups, it’s gonna be a bit easier. If you try to make it through without picking up any heart containers, you’re probably gonna have a hard freaking time. Me, as good as I may be, I get hit a lot. I’m prone to tkaing damage. that’s why I take longer to get accustomed to games where life refills are few and far between. But that’s not to say that the enemies win only to my incompetence. Plenty of them, like the Tektites and Ropes, move rather sporadically and are at times difficult to dodge. Such is the way of a game presented in two dimensions. the bosses start off pretty easy, but soon escalate to the point where you might actually get frustrated. The real key to winning in this game is to know which item to use on what. Almost every enemy has a weakness to one of Link’s various tools, and you just have to figure that out. Some people would never even think to use the shield to reflect boulders back at an enemy, or to stun a particularly nimble foe with the boomerang.

Possibly the thing I like most about the Minish Cap is the level on which you interact with all the characters you meet along the way. Almost every single peson in the game plays some sort of role. For the most part, they just hold kinstones, a new sub-quest dealie where you collect halves of stone coins, and then must find the peson with the other half. Fusing the kinstones will usually yield something of value, be it a secret path or a treasure chest stuffeed with rupees. Sometimes it even gives life to extremely durable golden enemies. There are 100 fusions in total, and a lot of them are randomly generated. Also, the people are really animated. The one I first noticed was a girl at the cafe, who when talked to spun around on her stool and gave her hair a mighty flip. I immediately crapped my pants and was floored. I’ve never seen such a minor character animated so intricately and smoothly. Oh yes, and the town is easily the greatest Zelda town ever. It feels so alive. It’s huge, contains tons of people to speak with, is extremely complex and packed with secrets, and changes ever so slightly over the course of the game. A Link to the Past intoduced the cucco. With Ocarina of Time came dogs. And now there are even cats and cucco chicks prowling the streets. All of which you can talk to while tiny. Except the room full of chicks. They just all come after you in a horrid flurry of down and talons.

The music is another portion of the game which is beyond exceptional. It borrows some music, but is also ripe with many of its own original tracks. Me, I was offended by the complete lack of the Zelda theme in Ocarina of Time. Majora’s Mask remedied the situation a little, and then the Wind Waker (while it’s original stuff is way above par) went back and almost completely forgot it. I love the piece, and the Minish Cap has no such lack of it. Most sections of the world map have either it or a variation playing (the Cloud Tops area mix is ineffably good), and there is no way that a GBA speaker could do the beautiful tunes in this game justice. Even the DS speakers don’t do the job perfectly. This is one of those games where you need headphones to get the true value out of the music. Oh yes, and there’s an excellent, excellent Castle remix for the last level. Ever since listening the “Trifore Majeure” song featured on OC Remix, that’s been one of my favortie Zelda tunes. Sadly, no palace music from Zelda 2. I really like that one too. But it’s top notch stuff people.

Like I said at the beginning, I adore the game, and if you like Zelda at all, you will too. It’s possibly the best GBA title to date (by production values anyway), and is a good sign that the Nintnedo and Capcom make excellent partners. Woo Capcom. It would be out of place, but I wouldn’t mind seeing maybe a MegaMan reference, or at least a Street Fighter reference in the next one. but, I’ve been working on this review for over an hour now, so it’s way past time to wrap it up. Minish Cap = excellent. You buy now. If you not buy, and you own GBA, you fool. Damned fool. Fool who clearly can’t appreciate the best things in life. If I were a guest in Rollercoaster Tycoon, I’d say it’s of excellent value. The only thing that scares me is that my youngest brother bought it as well, and is doing almost as well as I am, and I haven’t helped him at all. He’s getting too good. At this pace, it’ll be only a year or two before he’s better than me, and I don’t know if I’mma be able to deal with that.

Oh yeah, and on a side note, there’s a new Steve artice/rant thing. Like most of them, I agree, but with exceptions. no direclt link for youse guys this time. I’m too damned lazy to figure out the URL.

Band of the month – January 2005

Ah, it’s time for the monthly review of a band of my choice. Sure, the review is a little late this month, but I’ve had the band picked since sometime in the first week. I’m getting better. A couple more and I’ll have this done between the first and fourth every month. Assuming I can continue to find bands that I like until I give up maintaining this site. But that shouldn’t be too much of a problem. I like a lot of music. Oh yes, and I hope you’re enjoying this paragraph. Pure filler! Hahahaha! It’s just a clever ruse to make you believe this post is longer than it actually is! Well, I guess it’s onto the real stuff now then. Oh, and excuse any bad spelling, I’m typing in the dark and have no access to a spellchecker.

So here’s what I propose to you this month: I review a band, you read it and pretend you enjoyed it. Simple, no? If you hadn’t clicked the album cover on the sidebar, this month’s band is Story of the Year. I originally caught wind of them when they were the main attraction for the Nintendo Fusion Tour back in September/October. While I ne’er got to attend the show, I looked up a couple songs from each of the bands, and aside from Lostprophets and My Chemical Romance (whom I already liked), SotY was clearly the best of the featured bands. So I listened to a couple songs and then I bought the CD. Totally a worthwile buy. While most of the NFT promotional stuff called them emo, I’d say they’re a regular punk rock band. The sound is rocking, not whiny. The lyrics are close to emo, but whatever. It don’t really matter what genre they’re classified as, they’re a good band either way.

They’re a new group, so they’ve only got the one CD, Page Avenue. It’s an excellent album, and easily recommendable to anyone who can enjoy a fine mix of fast rock and slightly slower rock. While there is a bit of screaming, it’s never annoying or off-putting (EX: Billy Talent) and is usually placed in key points of songs. I’m not really complaining, because I love drums, but the only real downside to the CD is that the guitars are kinda downplayed by the vocals and drums. Really, you might not even notice guitars on some songs unless you listen for them specifically.

The disc starts strong with a very hardcore “And the Hero Will Drown”. As I stated in the paragraph prior, a lot of drum influence in this one. Then come their two biggest and similarly titled hits, “Until the Day I Die” and “Anthem of Our Dying Day”. The second is slightly slower, but I feel is it the better of the two. After that is one of my two favorite songs on the CD; “In the Shadows”. Funny, because it’s probably the screamingest song on the album, and I’m not a fan of screamy music. I dunno exaclty what it is about the song that I like so much, but I think the pacing is good and again, the drumming is superb. My second favorite song is closer to the end, and is also the slowest on the disc; “Sidewalks”. It’s a nice acoustic-esque piece that is… touching, for the lack of a better word. I unno. I like slower rock songs. So sue me. Ooh, and it’s got violins in it. I like violins. The last song, “Falling Down” is quite good, and features guest vocals by Ray Cappo. I don’t know who he is, but he’s pretty good at that singing thing. Overall, it’s an A+ CD. At the very least, you owe it to yourself to download the thing, if you just can’t commit yourself to spending $20 on it. Easily worth it though.

The CD also features some cool CD-ROM bonuses, including two music videos and one kind of band overview video called “Fellowship of the Wang”. If that hasn’t convinced you to check it out, you’re a lost cause. The video is quite funny, with some great lines and band antics. The music videos are, well, music videos. I’ve never really liked music vids to begin with, and these are just run-of-the-mill punk videos, to tell the truth. Nothing special. And to top it all off, there is some slightly disturbing band tomfoolery as a “secret track” on the end of the CD. It’s funny, but not exactly, shall we say, sane.

And so another edition of Band of the Month comes to a close. I’m not sure what else to type, and it’s starting to feel awkward, so I’ll just close it here. Seeya next post, suckers.

ADDENDUM: While playing Resident Evil 4 the other day, my friend and I were talking about, well, exactly what the newest VG Cats comic is about, even stating that Scott would produce something exactly like what he did. Psychic powers? I think yes.

Put the seat down? Never again!

So I’m sitting at work yesterday, and I hear some of the women complaining about how the guys are always leaving the toilet seat up in the staff bathroom. This got me to thinking why exactly they have such a problem with the seat being up. After a good 13 or so minutes of hard thinking and a little research, I discovered that it’s just another very subtle way of them trying to turn us men into their slaves. Very subtle, but you can’t just take total mind control in big steps. It has to be slowly woven in. Trust me, I deal with mind control issues all the time. I know these things.

Now, what exactly is their beef with having the seat up? Is it because they’re stupid and don’t look before they sit down, and then fall in? While this is a hilarious possibility, it is incorrect. In fact, you’d think that they should appreciate having the seat up, as reassurance that it wasn’t down while we were going, and there isn’t going to be any piss on it. I mean, it’s like a free ticket to a clean seat. But no. They want us to put the seat down when we’re done because they’re just too lazy to do it themselves. Come on, it takes less than a second and no effort whatsoever, yet they still get mad at us for it. What, I ask you, is the big freaking deal? Anyway, they discovered that if they just yell at us every time they have to put the seat down, it’ll eventually become reflex for us to do it and we’ll be following their orders without them even having to tell us what to do. Horrid females and their mind games. And then once they’ve this matter under wraps, they’ll move up to bigger and less trivial things.

So, what I propose is that we do stuff that might really have some effect. First of all, we men must never again put the toilet seat down when we’re done. This will show the women that we’re not responding to their mind games, and will set back their plans of total mind control. Nextly, we should think about just never lifting the seat at all, be it far more troublesome to them to have to clean the seat rather than to put it down. Then when they tell us to put it up when they go, we could propose they have a choice: either it goes up and stays up, or stays down and gets sprinkled. As much as they like to think they can, we have to let them know they cannot have it all. Sometimes they will have to take something at the loss of something else, much like we do every day.

Women have way too much power these days, and we have to take some back. In any case of a man vs a woman, the woman will win, because they would call sexism otherwise. This is not equality. This is bullshit. And our counter-revolution starts with the toilet seats. the next time a woman tells you to put the toilet seat down, just say “Do it yourself, you lazy ho” and walk away. Leave her there to yell or cry or whatever they would do in this situation. Also, be sure to spread the word to any men you meet. This website is not well enough known for it to have a true impact, so I’ll depend on word-of-mouth. We cannot be turned into slaves to any higher degree than we already are! As it is, many men will do anything for a woman simply because they hold the key to, as some might put it, “nookie”. Such a fundamental weakness is all they truly have. If men did not crave this so badly, we would have a much better fighting chance against those power-hungry harpies. If nothing else, neglect to put the seat down just to piss ’em off. And now we turn to RyanMan with the weather.

It’s gonna be a decent week, as far as I can tell. We have forecasts of a looming Steve article coming in form the North. Then there is some heavy posting going on far East. How fast it’ll be here, I can’t quite say. Other than that, things are pretty clam on all fronts. Direct link for dumbasses. Back to you, Funk Master.

That’s actually the end of our coverage for today, be sure to tune in to the late night news tomorrow to catch our great coverage of the biggest news this side of the web. You stay classy, internet. I’m Funk Master R. Valentine.