So I’m sitting at work yesterday, and I hear some of the women complaining about how the guys are always leaving the toilet seat up in the staff bathroom. This got me to thinking why exactly they have such a problem with the seat being up. After a good 13 or so minutes of hard thinking and a little research, I discovered that it’s just another very subtle way of them trying to turn us men into their slaves. Very subtle, but you can’t just take total mind control in big steps. It has to be slowly woven in. Trust me, I deal with mind control issues all the time. I know these things.
Now, what exactly is their beef with having the seat up? Is it because they’re stupid and don’t look before they sit down, and then fall in? While this is a hilarious possibility, it is incorrect. In fact, you’d think that they should appreciate having the seat up, as reassurance that it wasn’t down while we were going, and there isn’t going to be any piss on it. I mean, it’s like a free ticket to a clean seat. But no. They want us to put the seat down when we’re done because they’re just too lazy to do it themselves. Come on, it takes less than a second and no effort whatsoever, yet they still get mad at us for it. What, I ask you, is the big freaking deal? Anyway, they discovered that if they just yell at us every time they have to put the seat down, it’ll eventually become reflex for us to do it and we’ll be following their orders without them even having to tell us what to do. Horrid females and their mind games. And then once they’ve this matter under wraps, they’ll move up to bigger and less trivial things.
So, what I propose is that we do stuff that might really have some effect. First of all, we men must never again put the toilet seat down when we’re done. This will show the women that we’re not responding to their mind games, and will set back their plans of total mind control. Nextly, we should think about just never lifting the seat at all, be it far more troublesome to them to have to clean the seat rather than to put it down. Then when they tell us to put it up when they go, we could propose they have a choice: either it goes up and stays up, or stays down and gets sprinkled. As much as they like to think they can, we have to let them know they cannot have it all. Sometimes they will have to take something at the loss of something else, much like we do every day.
Women have way too much power these days, and we have to take some back. In any case of a man vs a woman, the woman will win, because they would call sexism otherwise. This is not equality. This is bullshit. And our counter-revolution starts with the toilet seats. the next time a woman tells you to put the toilet seat down, just say “Do it yourself, you lazy ho” and walk away. Leave her there to yell or cry or whatever they would do in this situation. Also, be sure to spread the word to any men you meet. This website is not well enough known for it to have a true impact, so I’ll depend on word-of-mouth. We cannot be turned into slaves to any higher degree than we already are! As it is, many men will do anything for a woman simply because they hold the key to, as some might put it, “nookie”. Such a fundamental weakness is all they truly have. If men did not crave this so badly, we would have a much better fighting chance against those power-hungry harpies. If nothing else, neglect to put the seat down just to piss ’em off. And now we turn to RyanMan with the weather.
It’s gonna be a decent week, as far as I can tell. We have forecasts of a looming Steve article coming in form the North. Then there is some heavy posting going on far East. How fast it’ll be here, I can’t quite say. Other than that, things are pretty clam on all fronts. Direct link for dumbasses. Back to you, Funk Master.
That’s actually the end of our coverage for today, be sure to tune in to the late night news tomorrow to catch our great coverage of the biggest news this side of the web. You stay classy, internet. I’m Funk Master R. Valentine.