Canned Answers

The response to my Pop-Tarts inquiry was pretty much exactly what I was expecting.

Thank you for contacting us on-line. We appreciate your interest in our company.

We at Kellogg Canada and our related companies, continually conduct market research to develop new and existing products. Based on the market research results in each country, a decision is made on which product will be enjoyed by the majority of our consumers. Your feedback is appreciated and will be considered when planning future product line improvements.

Also due to international regulations, Canadian Customs policies and our inability to guarantee our quality standards during shipping, we do not ship products directly internationally.

I hope you continue to enjoy our Pop Tarts for years to come no matter where they are coming from.

The usual PR run-around with a sprinkle of marketing nonsense. Whatever. I don’t suspect anyone outside of Kellogg’s marketing team will ever know the real reason why we can’t have Cinnamon Roll Pop-Tarts in Canada. It won’t make any difference, really, but I’d like to see the numbers for myself.

I think the solution here is to make up a million sock puppet e-mail accounts and bombard Kellogg Canada until they decide that there is enough demand in Canada to sell Cinnamon Roll Pop-Tarts here. I must have them!

On the other hand, they did answer the question of why I can’t have fancy American Pop-Tarts shipped directly to me. And I didn’t even ask that question!

So thanks, Kellogg Customer Affairs Lady Who Shall Remain Unnamed.

On The Track of Unknown Pop-Tarts

I sent an e-mail to Kellogg Canada today asking why there are so many more flavours of Pop-Tarts in the United States than there are in Canada.

We shall see what comes of this.

(I probably should have just used Twitter, but I’m old-fashioned.)

(Please enjoy the intended irony of me suggesting that e-mail is the old-fashioned way of contacting a giant corporation. I wrote this post specifically for that joke.)

Monthend Video Game Wrap-Up – July 2015

I’m finding that I spend a lot less time playing video games than I did only a few months ago. Maybe I’m growing up finally? Nah. Just keeping busy with other things.

Though somehow the Now Playing list still seems to go on forever. I think the real answer must be that my ADD is progressively getting worse.

~ Game Over ~

Puzzle & Dragons Z (3DS) – I rolled the credits, but really I’m only halfway through the game. It’s one of those situations where beating the “final boss” unlocks another adventure and the other half of the game world. Also the final boss was a total joke compared to the penultimate boss. That was really weird.

Mega Man Sprite Game (PC) – An RPG based on what I assume is a sprite comic. It only took an hour, but it wasn’t as funny as it wants to be. A lot of the music used in it is really good, though. It’s probably worth a look if you’re bored and enjoy absurd humour.

I’ve Got To Run! (3DS) – It was on sale for ten cents, if you can believe it. It’s an endless runner game, so I can’t really beat it, but I unlocked all the modes and characters, so good enough. Some of those extra modes are pretty fun, too, so… good buy.

3D Classics: Kirby’s Adventure (3DS) – It’s Kirby’s Adventure. I play through this at least once every year. One of my favourite games of all time.

~ Now Playing ~

Balloon Fight (NES) – Spent a few nights with Balloon Fight to honour the memory of Iwata. Got new high scores on both modes.

Fallout: New Vegas (PC) – These (modern) Fallout games are so great. I could just wander around the wastes for hours and not get bored. Except that I can’t because there are so many things that can kill me with ease. But someday, I will have a decent gun. And then… then, I will have my revenge.

Earthbound Beginnings (WiiU) – As much as I love Earthbound, I feel totally lukewarm about Beginnings. It’s not a bad game by any stretch, but it’s hard to fully appreciate it after playing the timeless sequel. It’s still pretty interesting from a historical standpoint, though.

Xenoblade Chronicles 3D (3DS) – I sometimes wish the real world had a soundtrack like the one in this game. It’s just so gosh darn pretty!

Drakengard (PS2) – I’ve read the LP. I know what it is and what happens. But I just had to play it for myself. Just one of those things that are so mind-boggling that you need to experience them first-hand, you know?

Pokémon Alpha Sapphire (3DS) – I decided to go back and clean up the post-game stuff. I hate that I have seemingly outgrown Pokémon. Maybe I just spent too many hours with Pokémon Y? Because I got pretty deeply invested in that one.

Clicker Heroes (PC) – I probably shouldn’t count this any more. Even though it gets about as much attention from me as the rest of the list combined.

Bit Boy Arcade (3DS) – I can’t even describe how weird this game is. I imagine that it must be what a bad acid trip is like. Also the gameplay is middling arcadey fare, but it says “arcade” right there in the title. I guess I can’t really complain?

Wheezing along

I am not in good shape.

As much as I have trying to be more active lately, I seem to be making very small strides. That’s nothing to be ashamed of, of course! You can’t just magically become fit overnight. It takes a lot of time and effort. Unfortunately, since I’m lazy, the more effort something takes, the less encouraged I am to do it. Path of least resistance and whatnot.

Point is, I tried rollerblading last night. It… didn’t go especially well. I lasted approximately 20 minutes before I had to pack it in because I felt like I was going to simply collapse. While I remember them hurting the most during previous rollerblading attempts, my feet seemed quite okay with it all. The pain was almost all in the shins and mah buns. Calves and thighs burned just right, though.

Funny thing is, while I hadn’t strapped on the blades in years previous, last September I managed to rollerblade all the way to my parents’ house one time. I mean, I thought I was literally going to die of heart failure, but I did it. That’s just over an hour walking, so I’d say it must have taken somewhere between 30 and 40 minutes to blade that far. I refuse to believe that I was in better shape in September than I am now. There’s simply no way.

So how did I manage that back then, but I was unable to get even a full half hour last night? Probably that I just lacked motivation to keep going. In September, rollerblading was the only way to get there on that particular day. And while I could already tell it was a terrible idea ten minutes out, turning back would just result in me feeling dead at home, instead of having a fun video game evening with my brother. Last night, I was just doing it for the exercise, and that is rarely motivation enough for me to keep going if I’m getting worn out or just not having any fun with it.

I know that exercise and being in better shape should be its own reward, but unfortunately, that’s not the case for me. Every time I really feel motivated to get my exercise on, it’s because I’ve got a girl on my mind. I don’t know if that says something about misplaced priorities or some other horrible mental failing of mine, but that’s how it is. The worst part is, I’m not really interested in any women who would only be interested in me if I had a more appealing physical figure. So it’s all moot! My life is one big ouroboros of hypocrisy!

I had typed a couple more paragraphs here going to greater detail about my fractured psyche, but that’s no fun, so I erased them. We can talk about that another time. Let’s just stick to my main point for now:

Rollerblading! It’s hard when you’re fat!

weezingblade

#ThankYouIwata

Yesterday, the news broke that Nintendo’s Global President, Satoru Iwata, had passed away.

thankyouiwata

Now I’m heartbroken all over again. When you think of the CEO of a giant global company, you don’t think of someone like Mr. Iwata. His warmth and sense of humour made Nintendo Directs such a joy to watch, and his contributions to Nintendo as a programmer are legendary.

I couldn’t possibly hope to properly articulate how I feel and why, so here’s a really great write up. One of many that have been posted today. I’m sure that many more still will be written over the next few days.

Edit: Aw, heck. Here’s another one by a fellow Talking Time member.

iwataballoons

Rest in peace, Iwata-san.

Baker’s blunder

I made some cookies last week. They did not go quite as planned.

Now, I have baked cookies before. Recently, even! And they came out well enough. No real issues, aside from me learning that whole wheat flour makes for somewhat less desirable cookies.

This time, though, turned into a bit of a fiasco. And I don’t even know how. I followed the recipe exactly, just as I always do (I don’t know enough about baking to try to mess with a recipe), yet somehow, the batter ended up way too creamy. It was basically liquid. What was my solution? To dump in a bunch more flour.

Lesson learned: maybe only dump in a bit more flour. The liquid batter quickly became a nearly-solid clump that was sticky as all hell, clinging to even my greased hands like there was no tomorrow. Things were looking bad. There was no way I’d be able to actually pull it apart into regular cookie lumps. So I tossed the whole thing on a pan, smooshed it down a bit, and shoved it into the oven.

The “pizza cookie” that came out was still a bit of a mess. It wasn’t baked through properly so I had to quarter it and put it back in for a while longer. Fortunately, the second time I brought it out, it was looking more like a cookie should. Only giant. And in quarters. Not great, but all in all, it could have probably turned out much worse.

I tried a bit and it was actually quite tasty, as well! A little more floury than it should have been (natch), but still quite edible and cookie-tasting. Things turned around quite nicely!

So I chopped the sucker into bits to make it easier to share. Because I’d made this cookie to take to work, you see. That’s not something anyone in the entire world would expect me to do. I’m not a baker, and I’m certainly not generous, so it was obviously an out-of-character gesture.

….Or was it?

Quest for the Abs

I made that “Fitness” category last month, so I guess I should probably make use of it, eh?

I don’t type “eh?” all that often. It looks weird.

But that’s besides the point. Working out! I’m doing it! Sort of.

See, I’ve always lived a pretty unhealthy lifestyle. Not making a point to exercise, eating more junk food than anything, just generally not caring about my body. This had never really been a huge issue before. In school, I was young and my metabolism was naturally high enough to keep me from becoming a fat pile of gross. Then high school ended and I took on a string of moderately physical jobs. Toys R Us especially was great for me because I was on my feet for eight hours a day, pushing, pulling, lifting, and building. I could basically eat whatever I wanted and still remain In pretty good shape. I used to wear super-tight t-shirts because I was proud of my physical form.

Then I moved to a desk job. Started spending all my free time with a girl. Got married. Got complacent. Didn’t change my habits to compensate. And I got fat. Not really fat-fat, but chubby enough that most of my wardrobe needed to be replaced and I did not feel good about myself. My thighs ballooned up to massive size, my gut and man-boobs became prominent, and love handles appeared, as if out of nowhere. It was terrible. For too many years, I’ve had an exceptionally poor body image.

So now that I’m a free agent again and I’ve got all the time in the world to fritter away, I’ve been trying to dedicate more time to getting myself in shape. Not to the point where I look like some sort of Hercu-man, but to the point where I feel comfortable with my body again. I want to be able to look in the mirror and be happy with what I see. I want to be able to wear my got-danged Goonies t-shirt again.

My exercise routine has been scattershot at best, however. Routine, in fact, is a terrible word to describe it, because there is no rhyme or reason to what kind of exercising or when I do it.

It started with Wii Fit U. I still log on once in a while when I’m looking for a more structured workout, but it’s not the most effective solution to my woes. A great place to start, mind you! But eventually you have to grow out of it and move onto some more intense, self-directed workouts. My favourite activities are the hip-hop dance and the 15-minute rhythm boxing. They’re both aerobic exercises that don’t push too hard, but get you pumped and work up a bit of a sweat. Of course, I like to mix some yoga and strength training in there as well, but my Wii Fit sessions definitely focus on aerobics.

The elliptical machine that resides in my home (for now) is also getting a decent amount of use lately. A couple times a week really doesn’t seem like “enough,” but it’s a heck of a lot more than never. It was tough to get into, and I still haven’t made it a regular habit, but I’m trying to force myself to do 30min+ at least twice a week. The problem is that the elliptical is more of an annoying way to watch TV than anything else, and if I’m not really feeling it, I can’t be bothered to keep going for more than ten minutes or so. When I do get in a full session though, I end up sweating buckets, and I can only assume that means I done good.

I’ve also been working on getting better at jumping rope, which I do nearly every day. Not for very long, mind you. I can currently make it to about 120 before tiring, but I’m getting better at the exercise, that number is up from about 40 when I started, and my coordination still needs work. I have a difficult time jumping and keeping the rope spinning, as odd as that may sound.

There have been some rinky-dink little 2.5lb dumbbells living in my house for a long time, and while they’re good for adding a little resistance to shadowboxing, they’re worthless for lifting. So I jumped up to 15s. I was a little concerned that I was putting the cart before the horse there, but they seem to have been a perfect starting point. Eventually I intend to pick up a barbell, too, though that may still be a ways off (I just don’t feel like incurring that expense quite yet).

And that’s more or less what I’m working with over the last couple months. I throw push-ups and planks in there for good measure, and I go for a lot of long walks. I don’t really feel like I’ve made much progress (at least visually), but the proof is in the pudding: I used to have to squeeze my gut to reach the third notch on my belt, and now I use the fourth notch very comfortably. If I’m wearing tighter pants, I sometimes even reach the fifth. Many of my work shirts are definitely too big on me, so much so that I’ve been buying new ones that are down a number of sizes. And I just feel better overall. Like I stated before, I don’t really think that I look any better (to my own hyper-critical eye), but I certainly feel less like a worthless lump.

So, we’ll see how well I keep up and where it takes me. Hopefully I can maintain a certain level of physical fitness form this point on. I really just want to be able to wear skinny jeans and fitted t-shirts.

Got that, Future Ryan? I swear, if you let me get fat again, I’m going to find a way to reach into the future and sock you right in the kisser.

Wherein I drew some Mega Mans

Quelle surprise!

In all honesty, I really don’t draw Robot Masters all that often any more. Only sometimes. And these are the only ones that have passed the “willing to share” quality threshold. Which is apparently pretty relaxed because they have a lot of room for improvement.

Especially Flash Man. Geez. I really should have taken a photo of myself in that pose before trying to draw it. I just… Ugh.

Also I have no idea how to draw a hand holding a Metal Blade. So that’s an issue.

A post about nothing

Gee, I sure did post a lot in June. Haven’t posted that many things in a month since… October of last year, if that dropdown box is to be believed.

The best part is, that they were (almost) all actual posts. All but one had something at least semi-worthwhile to say or show.

Not like this one. This one was a waste of time.

A waste of your time. I had nothing better to do.

Monthend Video Game Wrap-Up – June 2015

This is getting a little bit out of hand here. I’m going to stop listing the games that I play every month without fail. Because you can pretty much assume that in any given month, I’ve spent a good chunk of my time playing the following:

Monster Hunter 4, Super Smash Bros for Wii U/3DS, and Pokémon Shuffle.

I love them all dearly, but there’s no point to reiterating that I’m playing them every month unless there’s some sort of reason to mention it.

Oh, I guess I don’t really love Pokémon Shuffle. That’s more of an addiction than anything.

~ Game Over ~

Shipwreck (PC) – A cute little top-down adventure that’s very reminiscent of Link’s Awakening. It’s not as deep, and it doesn’t have as much heart, but it’s still pretty good. Oh hey I even wrote a thing about it.

Psyscrolr (WiiU) – I decided to give it another shot. After the horrifying ordeal that was stage 3, I was ready to give up on it forever. Imagine my surprise when I learned that the game was over! For now… That was apparently only “Chapter 1” but I doubt if I’ll go back for more. As this game is trash.

A Dark Room (PC) – Starts as a pretty basic idle game. Then it aggravates you by occasionally setting you back (taking supplies, destroying buildings, etc). Then it grows an RPG mode. Then it becomes a vertical bullet hell thing. If you can bother to work through the annoyances, it’s actually really cool.

Continue reading Monthend Video Game Wrap-Up – June 2015