Hey it’s another one! I hope you’re enjoying these silly comics, because I’m doing it for you! Or, no, wait. I’m doing it for me. I’m doing it because I get a small amount of satisfaction from drawing.
Anyway, like all of the RWFF entries so far, this is based on a real-life event. It’s not 100% true to what actually happened, as I only came up with the joke as I was walking away, but whatever. It’s pretty funny. I think it’s funny.
Previously on Dark Souls: I made my way out of the tutorial and was subsequently slaughtered by skeletons.
There were two ways out of Firelink Shrine. The first was through an area that looked like a graveyard. It was inhabited by skeletons that were way out of my league, so I had no choice but to see what was down the other path. Or, up the other path, as it were. This trail was a staircase up to a rather precarious ledge of land with a straight wall of stone on the left and an endless-looking drop on the right.
The staircase route was loaded down with zombies. These fellow undead weren’t nearly as tough as the skellingtons, but they were still perfectly capable of killing me if I let my guard down for even a moment. Heck, they were perfectly capable of killing me even when my guard was up, as I quickly learned when one of the zombies atop a flight of steps started pelting me with firebombs. You Died.
Collecting my souls, I learned to lure the zombies on the cliffside to me one at a time so I could take them out more easily. The ones at the top of the steps were still going to be a hassle, as I’d have to dodge the firebombs as I ran up to engage them. Trouble is, Dark Souls’ controls are a little finnicky and take some getting used to. And that’s how I ended up plummeting into the great unknown. You Died.
Checkpoints in Dark Souls are bonfires. Resting at a bonfire will initially refill your health and Estus Flask (healing kajigger), and allow you to spend your souls on level-ups. It will also respawn any enemies you’ve killed. So I ran back and forth between the bonfire and the zombie cliff many times before I made it up the stairs and across the skywalk/aqueduct spanning the chasm, finally reaching the Undead Burg after a good half hour.
The Undead Burg is just what it sounds like: a city filled with zombies. There are little paths here and there, but it’s a fairly straight shot from the entrance to the boss. By this point I’d gotten fairly adept at dispatching regular zombies, so of course the game would throw in archer zombies and spearman zombies to make sure I didn’t get complacent. The lucky part is that the spear zombies are mostly off the critical path, and the archers leave nice long gaps between shots.
Getting to the bonfire in the Burg wasn’t overly challenging. In fact, I made it that far quite swiftly and without any deaths. It was the stretch between the bonfire and the boss door that caused trouble. Firstly, there’s a bridge that you have to run across while zombies up above pelt you with firebombs. Of course, the first time I tried going across I had no idea they were there. You Died.
The second time around, I made it across the bridge, but was greeted with a room where three zombies were chilling. Up until this point, enemies could be handled one at a time. That wasn’t really the case here. You Died.
Passing that room eventually leads you to a staircase with two spearman zombies at the bottom. The spearmen aren’t technically that much harder than a regular zombie, but they have two advantages: they hit hard, and they’re really good at using their shields. And if you hit the shield, you’re very likely to take a spear to the face, and spears hurt. You Died.
Collecting my souls, I decided to venture out to another rooftop near the bonfire. The many features of this rooftop include a pair of spearmen. And this is where I learned to kick. Somehow. I guess I must have done it by accident at first, but by some stroke of luck I discovered the kick command, and how it will break a blocking enemy’s guard. It makes the spear zombies really easy.
There’s also a staircase on that roof that leads down to a balcony where a merchant lives. The only thing I bought from him was chain mail armor, as Morgan’s defense was seriously lacking and I wasn’t comfortable enough with the most basic game mechanics to start buying and playing with items that had fairly vague descriptions.
Eventually, and after a few more instances of seeing the You Died screen, I made my way up a tower at the end of the Undead Burg. There, I found a Fog Gate, which the one nice thing Dark Souls does: it’s an unmistakable warning that you’re about to encounter a boss. This boss was the Taurus Demon, essentially a really big minotaur.
The first fight with the Taurus Demon went about as well as you can imagine. I started walking across the empty rampart, wondering what was going to happen. Then arrows started raining down from the battlement behind me. I started to run away, and then the Taurus Demon fell from the sky and crushed me. Between the arrows and his huge axe, I panicked and got pounded to a pulp. You Died.
The biggest problem now was that my bubble of lost souls was stranded inside the boss arena, so the only way I could reclaim it would be to get there and then defeat the boss. If I died anywhere else, all those souls would be lost forever, so I was pretty set on finding a way to defeat the Taurus Demon.
I worked my way back up the tower, and to the boss’ room. I immediately turned around and climbed the ladder up to the battlement where the archer zombies were waiting for me, and took them out before triggering the boss’ entrance. Not having to worry about those arrows was a great boon in the fight, but in the end I learned an important lesson: he can break your guard and stagger you very quickly if you spend too much time defending. And that, in most cases, will be fatal. You Died.
I tried it again, remembering to lower my shield when I wasn’t actually trying to block an attack, so that my stamina would replenish faster. That helped, but it wasn’t enough. You Died.
And again. You Died.
You Died.
You Died.
It was around this point that I declared the Taurus Demon too hard for me, and put Dark Souls down for what could have just as easily been forever.
Tune in next week for Part 3: Big Bullies.
I hope you like Dark Souls, because I sure do. Also I’ve already written out enough weekly “journal entries” to get us through the month, so you’re going to be reading about it at least for the rest of the year. It’s funny, because I didn’t really like it at first, but now I’m totally enthralled with it and it’s pretty much on my mind all the time. Kind of like what happened with Shadow of the Colossus, only Dark Souls is not a game I can just casually clear in a weekend.
So that’s happening. I’ve also had an article ready to post for like a full month now, but I keep neglecting to do a banner for it so it continues wallow in Draft status.
Also I’ll be doing a Top X Video Games 2013 type of feature soon (probably in January), because I know those are what people come here for.
That’s all. Just a status update today. I have nothing else to say.
Dark Souls, maybe you’ve heard of it? People seem to be absolutely nuts about this game, but I opted not to buy into it when it first swept the gaming world. I did buy it once it hit $20 though, because it’s just so beloved that I felt like I needed to know what was up.
And, well, I wasn’t so crazy about it. It was at least a few weeks after purchase before I put the disc in my 360 for the first time, and that first play session was the only Dark Souls play session for me until months later. What can I say? It just wasn’t really what I was expecting to play.
My first brush with Dark Souls was probably much like most people’s first brush with Dark Souls. I watched the opening cutscene, which left me more confused than anything, and then I made my character. Or maybe it was the other way around? Whatever, doesn’t matter. I rolled a lady thief named Morgan, and then I was told that she was actually a zombie of sorts. Huzzah.
I bumbled my way through the tutorial stage, which is some sort of purgatory for zombies. It’s probably the first time in a video game where the tutorial level posed a significant level of difficulty. I don’t remember how many times I died there, but the important thing to take away from this is that I died in the tutorial. And that’s the kind of game Dark Souls is.
After somehow managing to best the Asylum Demon, who looks to me like a gritty version of a monster out of Dragon Quest, I made it up into the actual game world, and marked a new checkpoint at the Firelink Shrine.
I was led to understand that Dark Souls is an open-world sort of game, and there were two immediate ways to go from the Firelink Shrine. I figured that heading in the graveyard-looking direction seemed more like the intended way forward, and after a very short bit of travel, I ran into a couple of skeletons. Two minutes out of the tutorial and I had my first You Died screen of the real game.
Dying in Dark Souls strips you of all your souls (which function as experience points and currency) and Humanity, which has a few different uses that I’ll get into later. Handily, these are all left in the spot you died in a glowy orb that you can grab to regain everything. If you die again before you collect it though, it’s gone forever and all those points are lost.
Knowing this, I headed back toward the skeleton area, figuring that it would be best to recollect the small amount of souls I had on my person at the time. I also thought I’d try my hand at fighting the skeletons again; maybe I wasn’t playing carefully enough before. I had just been running forward without much of a care, after all. I was able to retrieve my lost souls, but the second fight with the skeletons did not go any better than the first. You Died.
Maybe it was time to take a look at what the other path had to offer.
Tune in next week for Part 2: Road to the Undead Parish
The good news is that winter is here and I no longer have to feel bad about spending all my time inside playing video games. The bad news is that… well, there isn’t any bad news at the moment. It’s December that’s got all that holiday business to it; November is fairly smooth sailing as far as having free time goes.
That said, real life tried its best to get in the way, but November was still a fairly productive month for gaming. This month, I continued my recent trend of finding games that I could finish in an afternoon, and I think I’ll be keeping that up for a while. It’s fun to dive into epic games that take the better part of a year to finish, but sometimes the thing that really hits the spot is a game that I can start and finish in one sitting.
I don’t have any new categories for this feature this month, so that’s good. I figured that my tendency to obsessively categorize things would have me introducing a new one each month. But that doesn’t seem to be the case… yet.
Adventure Time: Explore The Dungeon Because I DON’T KNOW! (Wii U) – It was a small pain in the butt to actually secure a copy, but it was worth it. Between the abundance of Adventure Time charm and having another game that The Wife will play with me, I’m pretty happy with this game. It’s also a lot of fun too, being a dungeon crawler that hearkens back to old-school fare like Gauntlet. Games like this aren’t really made any more, which is too bad because I quite enjoy them. We’re currently 50 floors down.
I posted this on Facebook… earlier this month? I forget when, but if you didn’t see it there, I’m putting it here too as filler.
I wonder if calling it filler is really fair though. I did put a reasonable amount of work into it, but it’s not something I worked on for TE specifically.
The Christmas season is approaching much faster than I’m ready for it to, and I am starting to feel a little overwhelmed as a result.
Normally, I’d just go out and buy whatever I think would make good gifts for the people on my list, but this year the crushing costs of living as independent adults is making it very hard to do Christmas shopping my way. It’s really too bad too, because Christmas is the one time of year that I’m not a selfish prick, and I used to truly enjoy going all out on gifts. Especially for Wifey, though I have been squirreling away money to make sure that I can get her lots of nice things..
On the flip side, budget-conscious shopping means I’ll probably have to spend more time shopping (bargain hunting an whatnot), which makes me incredibly happy. See, while those few years I spent working at Toys R Us during the season rent my love of holiday shopping asunder, it’s finally grown back and man oh man, am I excited to soak up the festive…ness.
I haven’t ever really written about Christmas at length, but that’s because I just enjoy absorbing the season more than I do trying to put words to the feelings it evokes. Christmas shopping is one of my favourite parts of it. Despite the time I spent working in retail, I love the atmosphere of the malls when November rolls around.
Everything about it is just so wonderful to me. I love seeing all the kiosks pop up or change over to something more thematically appropriate. I love walking into stores that are suddenly overflowing with merchandise. I love the decorations, from the wintry banners to the red bow to the huge Santa Claus photo stage. Hell, I even have a bit of a soft spot for the silly music, now that I don’t have to listen to it for eight hours a day.
But my favourite part of all are the lights. There’s just something about all those extraneous strings of lights that suddenly spring forth from mall ceilings that make me feel comfortable and happy. Especially when they’re paired with a glass ceiling, as looking at all the lights with the backdrop of the night sky is just my favourite. I don’t even have words to properly describe how it makes me feel or why I like it, but it’s something I just couldn’t do without.
I’m not the kind of person who enjoys the mall normally. I like to go every once in a while to walk around a bit, and I’ll hit it up occasionally for shopping, but it’s not a place I choose to linger just for the sake of being there. When a mall is all gussied up to draw in holiday shoppers though, you can bet that I’d be happy just to walk around and enjoy the atmosphere. And it’s weird, because I’m not too crazy about going out to any other kind of holiday display. It’s all about the malls for some reason.
Well, I think that was enough disjointed rambling for one day. Tune in next time for maybe something I’m able to express a little more clearly. Or maybe not. Who knows!
The new Legend of Zelda game, A Link Between Worlds, came out on Friday. The craziest thing is, I wasn’t really all that excited about it. Normally Zelda games are the things I go the most crazy for, but there was no hype inside me this time around. I simply worked all day as usual, went home and had a nap wile waiting for my wife to get home from work, and then proceeded to the store to pick it up.
I didn’t even start playing in earnest until Sunday.
No, nothing is wrong with me. I’m not gravely ill. It was just a weird coincidence, because now that I have spent some time in the game world, I am finding it incredibly hard to put down. This is because A Link Between Worlds is quite possibly the best Zelda game.
If you weren’t already aware, A Link Between Worlds is a direct sequel to 1991’s A Link To The Past, which is considered by most of my peers to be the very best Zelda game. While it is a sequel, it’s also a first for the series, as it uses the same overworld map that you know and love from LttP. Well, a very similar world map anyway. It’s not a 1:1 reproduction, but that’s quite alright.
Worlds also steals its story pacing from its older brother: you go through a short introduction, then three dungeons to earn your Master Sword, then Hyrule Castle to the alternate world, in which there are seven dungeons and then a final showdown. It’s cut-and-pasted wholesale, but I’d say it’s a good enough structure that it’s worth repeating.
You may have noticed that I said “alternate world” up there instead of Dark World. That’s because in LBW, you don’t visit the Dark World again; you visit Lorule instead. That may be giving it too much credit though, because Lorule is totally the Dark World, just with a different map and a castle instead of a pyramid. The scenery is the same, the enemies are the same, and the dungeons are all even in the same places. Well, the dungeon locations are the same anyway. Somehow Turtle Rock is now in the lake where the Ice Palace used to be.
Speaking of Turtle Rock, all the dungeon interiors are completely different, too. Because you wouldn’t want to climb the old Tower of Hera when you could play around in the completely awesome new Tower of Hera, right? Right. Re-using a world map creates continuity, but re-using dungeons would just be lazy. And, like I said, the new Tower of Hera was a really great dungeon.
All the dungeons are great, in fact! I think it helps that all of the ones I’ve played have been fairly compact, and that it’s more about solving the dungeon as a whole than solving each room for the next key. But there are still locked doors and keys. I’m not really smart enough to explain exactly what it is that makes me enjoy these dungeons so much, but I can tell you that they are very fulfilling the solve, and I really appreciate that they aren’t huge and more complicated than they need to be.
And this kind of ties in with LBW’s main gimmick: having access to most of Link’s inventory after completing the first dungeon. Of course, you aren’t just given all the stuff: you have to pay to rent each item. But they come fairly cheap and I had more than enough cash to rent out everything as soon as Ravio opened his item shop. Later on, you’re able to purchase them permanently for a much higher cost, but owning an item allows you to upgrade it and means you won’t have to pay to rent it again if you die.
What the item rental shop does for the game is allow you to take it at your own pace. Like I said, I rented everything out at once and then immediately went off to explore as much of the overworld as I could, because normally that’s something you have to do incrementally as you get new items. Of course, not everything opens up to you right away; the game still hands out a few power-ups at predetermined points, like the flippers, power gloves and pegasus boots. An important note is that at no point in the game are you given or tasked to find a shield: you have to go out and buy one all by yourself.
What makes the item rental system stand out to most people is that it lets you play through the Lorule dungeons in any order you choose. Dungeons are still built around a single item, but you no longer have to get halfway through to earn that item. Now the big dungeon treasure is a permanent power-up, like a new tunic or an upgraded shield, which is helpful but not necessary to complete the game. Since you don’t have to muck around finding the dungeon item first, you could conceivably head straight for the boss if you know the way, meaning LBW will likely be a big hit with the speedrunning crowd.
The freedom of being able to explore the world right away is a wonderful change for the Zelda series, and stirs things up just enough to make it feel fresh again. The dungeons are great fun, and there isn’t even a hit of the traditional handholding that had soured many gamers on the Zelda series. I’m still only about halfway through, but I am looking forward to that second half like nobody’s business. A Link Between Worlds is the renaissance that the series needed, and I can only hope that the next game is as fresh and fun as this one.
I took this picture at some point last year, and I don’t think I ever got around to actually putting it into a blog post. Time doesn’t really dull the pain of knowing that I live in a world where not only do Fruit Ninja plush toys exists, but said toys cost twelve bucks (after taxes).
Twelve bucks. For a plush fruit. That (presumably) splits in half.
It’s not quite stupid enough that I need to call for another divine flood or muse about why suicide booths don’t exist yet, but man, Fruit Ninja toys. I guess that good ideas really were an exhaustible resource.
I went out and bought a Wii Fit Meter the other day. I know, you’re thinking that’s pretty nuts. Just hear me out: There’s a Wii Fit U demo on the eShop, which is the full game, but it’s only good for 30 days. After that, I’d have to pony up $50 for the full version of the game. BUT! Buying the silly little trinket on its own for $20 and syncing it up with said demo actually unlocks the game for unlimited use. And we all know that I was going to buy Wii Fit U at some point anyway, so I actually saved $30 by buying the Fit Meter. Score!
Also I bought it with a gift card so I didn’t actually spend any money.
Not that I know anyone who owns a Wii U (heathens), but this deal is only good until January 31st, so if you’re at all interested, now would be the time to take the plunge. Of course it’s not a great deal if you don’t also already own a Balance Board, but them’s the breaks.
Anyway, the Fit Meter is basically a repurposed and repainted Pokéwalker. Actually, I think it’s exactly a repurposed and repainted Pokéwalker. The two gadgets are identical, as both are just glorified pedometers. The Fit Meter has some extra features tucked into though, those being an altimeter and a thermometer. It’s also apparently smart enough to know when you’re driving, so as not to count false steps.
You cannot, however, use it to catch Pokémon. Which is a missed opportunity, but I’ll let it slide..
The pedometer and thermometer seem to be pretty on the level, as those have maintained pretty accurate numbers as far as I can tell. The clock is a few minutes ahead and I can’t change it, which bothers me but I guess I’ll just have to live with it. It’s the altimeter that I question.
The altimeter is there to measure your change in elevation as you move around, which will affect how many burned calories it’s calculating. Thing is, the altimeter is set right now at -135m, even though the city’s general elevation is roughly 235m, but that one can be written off as a poor initial calibration.
What really troubles me is that the altitude graph showed a steady decrease on my ride to work this morning, and continued to decrease even while I was at work, despite the fact that I climbed three stories to get to my desk. Looking back even farther, the altitude graph is showing that the Fit Meter thought it was descending overnight, while it was sitting still on my nightstand.
So either the thing is buggy or my entire city is rather quickly sinking into the Earth. I don’t hear any panic in the streets outside, so I’m inclined to believe it’s not the latter.
On the other hand, having even a piece of Wii Fit tagging along in my pocket all day seems like it’s going to be a pretty good incentive to keep using the actual software. At least I’m hoping that’s the case, as I do want to drop a belt size or two, but can’t be bothered to keep myself motivated enough to actually keep exercising. Also that whole “eating right” business, but that’s a totally different beast that I’m going to tackle once I’ve got this regular exercise thing down.
