Bottoms (as in butts) up!

The other night I watched a movie called Zombie Ass: Toilet of the Dead. I don’t think another movie has ever had a title that is so descriptive of its quality.

For real, I don’t even want to type out a full-on review for this one it was so bad. Here’s a synopsis: Mutant tapeworms are turning people into zombies. But before you turn, you suffer from really intense gas. For some reason there’s a focus on poop. The main character’s big trauma is that she’s afraid to fart in front of other people, and then at the end of the movie, she is able to fly around and battle the queen tapeworm using her farts as jet propulsion.

It may have been the absolute stupidest thing I’ve ever seen. If only I’d heeded the trailer’s advice not to watch it in the first place!

The funny thing is, after watching it, I couldn’t bring myself to give it a thumbs-down rating on Tubi, because I’m fairly sure that it accomplished exactly what it set out to do. It’s not trying to be a legitimate film. It’s not even trying to be a good horror comedy. I’m convinced that the director (Noboru Iguchi) had the goal of making the stupidest movie of all time.

The other funny thing is that I’ve actually watched a couple of the director’s other movies, The Machine Girl and Robo-Geisha. Now, I watched those well over a decade ago, so my memory is hazy at best, but I don’t recall hating them. I no longer have the DVDs, so they clearly weren’t good enough to keep. And that was the era of my life were I was deeply into the cheesiest movies going, so they may have also been terrible and that was just my taste at the time. But we’ll never know!

On a more positive note, I also watched a movie called Monster Island on Shudder recently. Sadly, it is not based on the David Wellington novel of the same name, because I love that novel and would like nothing more than to see it be made into a (good) movie. It’s really more of a re-imagining of Creature from the Black Lagoon, and I liked it! The problem is, there’s just not that much to it. It felt like it was over just as it was getting started. So I don’t think there’s all that much for me say about it, other than I really liked how it’s a 2024 movie but the creature was a dude in a rubber suit. Felt so comfy. I would for sure recommend this one.

UFO 50: The First Row

A new game… compilation… thingy came out recently. I’m not sure when it launched on Steam, but it got shadow-dropped onto Switch last week. (Some) people were in quite a furor about it -apparently the game is quite good- so I dropped some fraction of a Benjamin and decided to see about it myself.

UFO 50 is a compilation of 50 very retro-styled games. Many are early 80s arcade quality, or not unlike more rudimentary NES games. That’s not to say that they’re all simple score-chasers! Oh my goodness, no! There are some like that, however, the game’s whole framing device is that these were lost games for a lost console that’s been retrieved and refurbished. And so you can play through the history of this console and watch as the games grow in quality and complexity. And that’s what caught my attention: it sounded very much like another Retro Game Challenge, which was a Nintendo DS game with a very similar premise that I remember very fondly. I quite wish I hadn’t sold it.

Anyway! UFO 50 is what I’m playing now, and today I want to tell you a little bit about the first ten games in the collection. Provided you’re looking at them in chronological order. Which is the default. So you should be. Enough preamble!

Continue reading UFO 50: The First Row

Month End Video Game Wrap-Up: July 2025

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Gestalt: Steam & Cinder (PC) – A totally average metroidvania. The gameplay is solid and the world design is good, but the unlockable skills are largely useless and the story is waaaaaay too wordy. Also the ending is poo.

Deltarune (Switch2) – It’s absolutely wild that somehow each chapter manages to be better and more mind-bending than the last. I guess that what happens when there are years of development between them. Hopefully the rest of the chapters are released in my lifetime!

Five Nights at Freddy’s: Secret of the Mimic (PS5) – A complete 180 from the unfinished mess that was Security Breach, I thought this game was genuinely really good. It’s a ton of fun, has plenty of variety, didn’t crash once, and has a plot that you could clearly follow from start to finish. Great success!

Continue reading Month End Video Game Wrap-Up: July 2025

Hi, I’m here

I haven’t written anything this month. I’ve been very distracted.

Much of that distraction has been video games, as you’ll see in a couple days on the MEVGWU. But a other stuff is going on too.

Like, for instance, I saw Fantastic Four: First Steps last weekend. It’s good. Not really fantastic, but it was enjoyable enough that I didn’t fall asleep. I just didn’t really feel very strongly about it in any way. A perfectly average film.

The best part was that it takes place in an alternate universe, and as such it was allowed to have its very own, very excellent-looking, retro-futuristic visual identity. It’s too bad that it’s going to get absorbed into the rest of the increasingly bland MCU.

The worst part is when they send an eight-months-pregnant woman into space. I don’t care if she’s a super hero. There’s just no way. And then they spend the rest of the movie protecting the baby at literally all costs. It’s… I mean, a lot of things happen in this movie just so the plot can move forward, but that was the least believable.

It was fun to see on the big screen, but I don’t think it’s necessary. Also the tickets were just shy of $25, which is way out of control. I’d like to go see more movies in the theatre, but when it costs just as much as it does to buy them? Hard to justify.

Anyway, that’s all for now. Maybe I’ll write more in August. Maybe I won’t!

Month End Video Game Wrap-Up: June 2025

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Ys Memoire: The Oath in Felghana (Switch) – Did I need this remaster? No, not really. But I did need the arranged music CD that came with the special edition. And I had fun (let’s) playing it again, so it worked out in the end.

The Deadseat (PC) – I bought this because the three seconds of footage I saw on the Steam page looked exactly like something I would want. Little did I know that it’s Five Nights at Freddy’s, but in a car. Also, dark as heck and I quite enjoyed it.

It’s Just a Prank (PC) – This game is even darker than the last, but far too grounded and I did not enjoy it. I need a pretty thick level of abstraction to be able to stomach the themes present in this one.

Continue reading Month End Video Game Wrap-Up: June 2025

Nintendo Switch, Too

So I’ve got this thing now. I’ve had it for a week, in fact, and not felt overly compelled to make words about it.

The funny thing about that is, this new machine hasn’t really inspired much excitement in me. Maybe it’s old age, maybe it’s because Mario Kart World isn’t anywhere near as exciting (to me) as The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild was, maybe it’s because Switch 2 is just a bigger, stronger Switch, but my hype levels have been fairly low. I didn’t even take launch day off. Just strolled into the mall after work like it was any other day. (I did drive by the mall the night before to scope out the midnight launch line, but there was no way I was going to stand in that line on a work night.)

Honestly, I think it’s a combination of all the factors mentioned above.

Continue reading Nintendo Switch, Too

Month End Video Game Wrap-Up: May 2025

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Command & Conquer: Red Alert 2 (PC) – Soviet side’s done, so I’m calling it beaten. Looking forward to powering through the Allied campaign, too.

Iron Meat (PC) – A Contra-like with an excellent soundtrack from the same guys who made Prison City. Plenty of unlockables to provide reasons to play it over and over again, too. Which I will likely do.

BloodBark (PC) – An indie horror about chipping down trees that bleed and make you hallucinate. It sounds weird, and it is weird, but I had a great time with it. I look forward to sharing my let’s play when Spooktober comes around.

Continue reading Month End Video Game Wrap-Up: May 2025