I think that the worst feeling in the world, is that feeling when you get in the shower and turn on the tap, only to realize that you forgot to turn off the showerhead the previous day.
That split-second of dread, and realizing what’s about to happen is probably even worse than the impending blast of ice-cold water that arrives soon afterward. It’s just enough time to look up and say “aw, fudge” dramatically, but not quite enough time to leap out of the way.
I’d like to take a moment here to expand on just how into Five Night’s at Freddy’s I am. I only own the first two games, as I cannot actually bear to play them (though I did buy two versions of FNAF1), and I have read the novel. This much is the obvious stuff.
On the crazier side, I have watched all of the Game Theory videos about the plot and lore of the franchise, and I typically don’t really enjoy MatPat’s work. On top of all that, I actually sat through a nearly-two-hours stream of him and a bunch of other YouTube nuts discussing their theories and whatnot. I have embedded to recording of said stream below, so that you may get a first-hand glimpse at the madness into which I have descended.
Five Nights at Freddy’s. If you’ve been on the internet at all over the last year (and then some), you at least have half an idea what this is. I mean, you should. It’s been a straight-up phenomenon. You’d have to have a pretty empty Twitter feed to not even have heard of the franchise. Seriously. Get with it already.
Ugh. Fine. If I have to spell it out for you, Five Nights at Freddy’s is a video game. It’s about animatronic animals that wander around a pizza parlour (think Showbiz Pizza) at night and brutally murder you if you don’t close the doors at the right time. Also those doors require power to stay closed for some reason. I don’t know why, and this isn’t an in-depth analysis of pizza parlour technology, so we’re not going there. The game made a huge splash on YouTube and took over the internet. Three sequels, each changing up the gameplay to some degree, were released within a year’s time. Warner Bros announced that a FNAF movie is in the works, and there’s even an official novel. I have read said novel, and despite it seeming like a terrible idea, I quite enjoyed it.
If I may be excused for a moment, I feel like I ought to mention before we go any farther that I am a huge FNAF fan. I can’t play the games because I can’t handle the tension, but I love the world-building, the lore, and the characters.
Alright then. Moving on.
Do you like listicles? Because apparently I do. I promise that I won’t do as many of these stupid things this year. Cross my heart.
Okay so remember a couple years ago when I did lists of the top albums and artists that I’d listened to the year before? Well I’m doing it again. Only just with albums this time because it’s so redundant to do both. It works like so:
I pull up my Last.fm page and check the top albums for the last 365 days. Keep in mind that this is only considering tracks that were actually scrobbled. So anything I listened to via the Scrobbler app on my phone or Winamp on my PC. CDs obviously don’t count (not that use those too often), and neither do tracks that were played with Media Player Classic, because I don’t have the Last.fm plugin for that, if there even is one.
So no, the list isn’t entirely accurate, but it’s the best metric that we have. Enjoy.
Another year, another pile of Steam games that I will never play. thanks, Humble Bundle!
Tengami (Wii U) – I guess it’s what the kids call a “walking simulator” because that’s most of the game. Also you sometimes solve puzzles. They’re mostly pretty easy, but still satisfying. What really makes it special is the beautiful pop-up book aesthetic and pretty music. It only lasts for about an hour, but it’s a nice hour.
Goosebumps (PC) – I wouldn’t have bought this if it hadn’t been in a bundle for $2. And the Ryan in that timeline lived a lesser life, because Goosebumps is quite an enjoyable little point-and-click adventure. Some minor annoyances, like a “puzzle” that literally just makes you wait and lawn gnome jumpscares, but otherwise a perfect example of how to do this kind of game correctly.
Zelda: Tri Force Heroes (3DS) – Soloed most of the game on my lunch hours because I don’t make time for 3DS at home. It’s actually not horrible to play alone, and it’s almost encouraged by the awful players I usually meet online. I’ve beaten the game, but I’m going to go back and do all the extra challenges to get the true ending… eventually.
Minecraft: Story Mode – The Order of the Stone (WiiU) – Boy, that’s a mouthful. Anyway, it’s Telltale’s adventure series based in Minecraft. The last time I played a Telltale game was Sam & Max Season 1, and this is markedly different than that. Story Mode is a lot less interactive; it’s more like a film where you make a choice once in a while. But it’s still entertaining, so who am I to complain?
FNAF World (PC) – I was so happy that finally a FNAF game was made that I would actually be able to play. Even if it is an overly cutesy RPG with a hyperactive battle system. There’s a little more to it going on under the hood, being a FNaF game and all, and I’m eager to start reading all the crazy internet theories about the game’s mysteries. Except there may not be because the game was pulled from Steam for being half-baked. Oops! I still played it and made my way to the “bad” ending. Probably will play it again.
Pokémon Picross (3DS) – If you pay for it, it’s the best picross game. If you try to get by on the Free-to-Play model… you’re gonna have a bad time. Anyway, it has certainly slaked my thirst for themed picross, which is really all that I needed. I’m slowly working though the Alt-World mode, in which every puzzle is presented in the Mega Picross format.
Xenoblade Chronicles X (WiiU) – Still plugging away at this giant beast. It’s such a wonderful world, I don’t really want it to end. Then again, I suppose it won’t, because it’s like 500 hours worth of content. I’ve done up to Chapter 11 in the main story.
Fallout 4 (PC) – Trying to build and furnish a house in this game is kind of a nightmare. But, you know, it’s Fallout, so at least the rest of the game is good. Having no level cap is great. I love not having to worry that I put my points in the wrong skills.
FAST Racing NEO (WiiU) – They really aren’t kidding. This gam is fast with a capital everything. It’s one of those wonderful and rare arcade racers that I actually enjoy, even though I’m not really very good. Even the novice championship is giving me troubles. I’ve gotten gold trophies on the first two circuits, bronze on the third, and didn’t even place on the fourth.
Dragon Warrior Monsters (GBC) – I was assessing the Game Boys I own (not that many, really) and plugged this in to see if my Game Boy Color was working. It was, and now I’m stuck falling down this rabbit hole again. Only up to Rank F in the arena so far.
The Deadly Tower of Monsters (PC) – Framed as the DVD of a old mid-twentieth century sci-fi movie, with director’s commentary and cheesy special effects to match. I’m fairly certain that it was made specifically for me. I’m about halfway up the tower, but I have no idea what that means in terms of actual game progression.
Mario & Luigi: Paper Jam (3DS) – I was toying with the idea of not buying this, at least not right away. Who did I think I was kidding? At least it’s been really good so far. Fusing the M&L and Paper Mario worlds was a great idea, and cutting out most of the forced tutorials was the best idea. At current, I’m in the desert area.
Shovel Knight (WiiU) – Got the Shovel Knight amiibo this month, which changes the way you play the game a fair bit. Also it allows for two-player mode, so that’s pretty ballin’. Any excuse to play more Shovel Knight is a good one.
