M for Mature – Page 9

Masterpiece conspiracy

Due to a virus attack, I won’t really be able to do anything with my computer for a while. It got GIMP, my emulators, and a few other things before I could thin out it’s numbers. It’s still not gone, but it has been weakened severely. Now would be a great time to have a real MegaMan.EXE.

I have the pictures I referred to yesterday on the web now, but I still need to make thumbnails, and I can’t do that since I had to put the GIMP to sleep. So, to make up for any inconveniences, here’s a really cool pic.

NSFW, so I won’t put it in the Gallery. That’s all, folks.

~Ryan out.

True Crime: Streets of LA

Once again, I’ve been playing a game that would seem a little different from the status quo. Sure I dislike Grand Theft Auto 3 and Vice City, but True Crime is in a whole different ballpark. If you havent played it or actually talked to someone who has played it, you’d probably think that is is indeed a GTA clone, but that’s not even a half-truth, it’s only a 6th-truth. Or so I’ll assume. I was never too good at math.

I must admit that at first I thought that it was “a GTA with good graphics”. and I was right and wrong at the same time. Now the graphics alone are pretty well done. The character and car models are great, though pedestrian skins are limited, and the actual environments look fabulous. But this is also one of the game’s failings. There are graphical glitches everywhere. And most of them are big ones, with people walking into the ground, and with huge gaps between sidewalks and lawns. It’s really a shame, because other than all the huge errors, the graphics are pretty polished and, well, pretty.

As for the music, you know how I feel about rap, and the game is absolutely full of it. I think only about 2 or 3 songs on the entire soundtrack don’t qualify as rap or hip-hop. Though in this game, they fit. Mystifyingly enough, I didn’t turn them off (even though the option does present itself). Somehow it just felt right.

The sound effects and vocals are great. From the explosions to the pitter-patter of pimps jaunting down the street, all is well and aurally satisfying. Actually, I can’t remember if there are footstep noises, but for the sake of making the game seem better we’ll say there are. The quotes are funny and sometimes clichéd, but hey, they work. And the way that different people act to different situations is great. When shooting a bad guy, if a lady is present, she’ll probably scream out “They’re killing everybody!” and run off, while after a frisking, any black guy will say “Didn’t anyone catch that on video?”. My personal favorite comes from picking up a health thingy: “Even my jock itch is cured!”.

Now the story is pretty sold, as far as cop stuff goes. Our hero, Nick Kang, is your typical half-Asian rogue cop whose dad was a cop and died mysteriously on duty. Then all the cliché cop story plot twists, including dirty cops, Russian mafias, conniving hookers and crazy sushi chefs come into play and we get an expected, yet fulfilling story. My only gripe is that in one chapter, there are zombies, ghosts, flaming skulls and dragons. The story was totally plausible and then they go and mess it up. And to top that, you know what they did? They passed it off as a dream sequence. Worst possible story twist EVER. Trust me guys, I don’t know much, but I know that dream sequences are bad news.

One last merit is that there are 3 endings, with a good and bad version of both, effectively creating 6 possible endings. None of them are all too long or interesting, but it gives you something to go for, and I’m not gonna complain. I like multiple endings.

Now we get to the real game. First of all, the basic stuff is generally an extended version of the PSX’s World’s Scariest Police Chases (and I love that game). By extended I mean you can get out of the car, and there is more than one type of street crime that criminals can commit. There are drive-bys, cannibals, pimps, catfights, you name it. Plenty to keep occupied.

The fighting system is pretty cool, and allows you to learn new moves and throws as the game progresses, making beating up enemies that much more fun. The only thing is that besides (final) boss characters, the enemies are way too easy, and you could easily pummel 6 guys at once. The shooting elements are great, as you can pull of bullet-time jumps, and the aiming system itself works really well. One little note, shooting a car in the gas tank will cause it to explode in one shot, and it’s very, very fun to watch. Don’t even try it if you want to be a good cop.

And speaking of good cop, there is a system in the game that lets you decide whether you want to be good or bad. Like Black & White almost. It’s a simple system, and the less people you kill, the better off you are. I don’t know if you get anything for being bad, as I played through the whole game good, but you do need to be good to get to the last few levels.

The replay value of the game is, sadly, pretty weak. If there was a multiplayer mode like in WSPC, it would live forever, but it just isn’t there. The game itself proved to be just a little too easy, with any difficult parts being way too difficult and way too rare. There are quite a few levels to go through, but most of them are short and you’ll probably be waiting for it to load longer than you’ll be playing.

The one most redeeming factor of the game is that your hero and mine, Snoop Dogg, is an unlockable character. The only problem is the grueling process of unlocking him. Around the city are 30 dogg bones, and they’re very small and very hard to find. There is another way, and it’s a simple button code.

For Cubers – R, L, (Dpad) Up, Right, Left, Down, Z, Z, A, Y, X, Y.

Anyone else, you have to look it up yourself. :p

But getting all those bones is totally worth it. I loved playing as Snoop. He’s just so hilarious. All his cussin’ and being a total badass just make that game that much more fun. Oh, and I can’t forget the pimpmobile.

Other than that, the only real unlockables are new cars and a “bonus” FMV of some CIA guy getting his groove on. Any other “unlockables” are really just new moves or upgrades for the stuff you already have, and for the most part aren’t worth the trouble.

I had it for 3 days, beat it 100%, and enjoyed doing it, but I don’t think I’ll be spending any more cash on this one. If there was something I forgot to mention, sorry, but it’s pretty late and I wanted to do this before I completely lost the urge to. After all my raving/bashing, my final score will be a B. Maybe it deserves better, maybe it deserves worse. It’s really all up to you to decide, because this is just my opinion.

The Good Stuff:
Good cop/Bad cop aspect adds a little variety Shaking down random people is hilarious SNOOP! Did I see Ron Jeremy in there? Plays better than GTA

The Bad Stuff:
A little too short and easy No replay value Dogg bones are a major pain to find The soundtrack is all rap/hip-hop

28 Days Later

Today I’m gonna try something new. It’s what I’m gonna call a “mini-review”. It’s just like a normal article, except it’s a lot shorter and has no pictures. Plus the lack of proper intro and conclusion. This doesn’t count, it’s just explaining how the mini-review works. Maybe sometimes there will be a couple pics, but not for today at least. I think that I’ll start on a high note today, and review my first movie. Sure, I said I’d do a review of Airplane, but that fell through because I can’t find it and I swore off downloading movies and music. So like the title says, I’m gonna take a quick look at the newest zombie horror-type film, 28 Days Later.

Now before I get into it, 28 Days Later is not your standard zombie flick. Sure, the plot might be somewhat similar to a certain movie about a certain Resident Evil, but on the whole, it’s a very original movie, in all respects. At least I think so.

It starts off with some animal rights geeks busting into a monkey testing lab. A lone scientist begs them to get out and leave the monkeys in the cages, but you know those anal animal rights geeks. They don’t listen, and bam! world-threatening situation. See, these monkeys were infected with what the now-dead science guy calls “rage”. It seems that it turns the carrier into a bloodthirsty monster. And now the plot is settled.

The greatest part of the movie is undeniably the way the title is worked in. After the monkey attack, the screen goes black, says “28 days later…” in the corner, and goes to 28 days after the incident. Here we find our hero, cleverly named Jim, naked and alone in a hospital. He awakes to find the place a mess and the city deserted. After stumbling around for a while, Jim runs into his first “infected”, ironically, a priest. He runs, and several infected chase him until they’re blown up by some mysterious masked not-infected.

So they save him and get all “we need to survive” on him. I only remember the chick’s name was Selina (I think), because the other guy gets hacked to bits later on. Then Jim and his new buddy find some other buddies, a fat guy named Frank and his daughter Hannah. They all go on a road trip to find some kind of sanctuary. And then Frank gets mad at a crow, resulting in the dropping of infected blood in his eye. Oh, I forgot to mention that the “rage” travels by blood, and getting even a single drop of it in your bloodstream will have you turn into a murderous animal of your former self within 22 seconds.

I’ll leave you there, because I don’t want to spoil the rest of the movie for you. Already I think I’ve given too much away. Then again, you know from the first time you see him that Frank is gonna die. So I’ll say that I’m in the clear this time. Now to look at the more cinematograpical parts of the movie. It’s fun to make new words.

I’m not sure why, but people seem to be very critical of actors’ acting ability. Personally, I can’t tell exactly what good acting is from bad acting, so it’s really all the same to me. I suppose that you’d say the actors are good in this particular movie. I know that the infected give rather convincing performances. Especially the army guy, who you’ll get to know better when you watch the movie.

Speaking of the infected, they are what really separate this film from other zombie flicks. These guys are not your daddy’s zombies. While they look like the generic zombie (perhaps less decaying) they certainly don’t act like ’em. These guys are fast. They run like Hell until they’ve caught their prey or die trying. They’re essentially people reduced to the lowest form of animal consciousness, and covered in gore. Not to mention their enjoyable pastime of spitting up buckets of blood.

The music is for the most part what you would expect, very moody and frightening. But when things aren’t totally down the crapper for the stars, the music is very upbeat and happy, soothing even. I don’t know how to explain why it works, but it does. And (to my knowledge) it’s all made specifically for the film, no bands of any sort that I could recognize.

As for anything else, the special effects were great. Actually, all effects were great. They actually filmed it in London of wherever, and somehow they did it without any signs of life at all. No lights on, no car, no people, no noise. Nothing. It’s really something you can think about and appreciate. The infected effects were above par, mostly because they didn’t have to do the falling apart like most zombies, and just put lots of fake blood all over them and pop in some red contacts. I should also mention that there is a nice amount of exploding in the flick, and good explosions can salvage almost any movie. I also liked when they did “infected-cam” scenes. I’m not totally sure why, but they were a fun part of the movie.

The DVD extras are always my least favorite part. They’re usually crappy storyboards or music videos. This one came with storyboards, production photos, and a nice surprise, 3 extra endings. My beef is that two of the endings are the same ending, just cut into two. The third one, the “Radical Alternate Ending” is the crème de la crème of special features. It’s a storyboard with voice-overs that shows a completely different end, not just with a minor twist like the previous two. I would have loved if it had been shot and put in, as it seemed like it would be enjoyable to watch. Heck, I liked it a little more than the real ending. I’m not sure if there were any other features, cause I didn’t check, but chances are they weren’t worth checking out anyway.

Overall, I really loved 28 Days Later. It wasn’t scary in the least, but it was a lot of fun. The only part I didn’t like was the brief and obscure wang shots, and the man butt. But those were over right away, and they were quick so they didn’t interfere too much. Sadly, that was the only type of nudity in the movie, but that can be forgiven. There was plenty of blood and gore, which I loved. Nothing better for a horror than tons of gore. There was plenty of cursing, which I’m impartial to, and the “attempted rape” scene was barely that. The story was solid, at least I think so, and it made enough sense to be plausible. This movie definitely gets my seal of approval. A+

The Good Stuff:
Seamless title integration Plenty of gore Plausible story Cool, ass-kicking pseudo-zombies One sweet bonus ending (even if it is in storyboards)

The Bad Stuff:
Hollywood zombies will never be the same… Man ass The other two bonus endings are lackluster