Category: Video Games

Look at the hottie in the tight jeans

I watched The Bechwarmers the other night. It was surprisingly good. I mean, it’s not something I would buy, but I’ll recommend renting it. Dick and fart jokes, plenty of slapstick, and mucho vomit. Exactly what I look for in a dumb movie. Plus a bunch of good names. I’m not a huge Rob Schneider fan, but he, David Spade and Jon Heder do a commendable job on this one.

Bought me a buttload of CDs over the last couple days. Four, actually, but I defy you to load your butt with more than four CDs. Bad Religion’s The Empire Strikes First is fan-frickin-tastic, and Thrice’s Red Sky EP headbutts women in the ovaries for fun. The other two (Resident Evil Soundtrack, OK Go’s Oh No) are less notable, but I like them enough to have bought them. I also finally found a copy of The Alpahbet of Manliness. Needless to say, it’s the best book I’ve read since… Well, probably ever.

Lastly for today, I will wipe any doubt that I don’t kick major ass from your mind. Behold:

click for king-size

Frankly, “Bark At The Moon” was a bitch, but otherwise, I think I’m getting pretty good. I’m not going anywhere near Expert mode though. Not until I five-star everything on Hard, at least. It literally frightens me.

What’s the matter with you?

Stumbled onto a sizeabe deposit of twenty-spots earlier today. One almost large enough to fund an XBox 360. But there are far more important uses for those twenties, so Dead Rising will have to wait.

In other news, my brother showed me the greatest candies ever; Ice Breakers Sours.

There totally isn’t enough to talk about here to write a whole article, so I’m gonna constrain it to the blog. The thesis here is that these are friggin’ awesome candies. While they go under the guise of mints, I’m going to be referring to these as candies, beacuse quite frankly, they have all the properties of candy, and very few semblances to mints.

Let’s get the obvious bit over with, they taste awesome. Coming in either “berry” or “fruit” varieties, Ice Breakers Sours taste like scoring with your friend’s hot sister. So awesome. They’re called sour, and I’m not a big fan of sour, but they’re not so bad. The whole sour bit lasts about four seconds, and you’re just left with sweet candy taste. The first time I ate one, the sour hit me hard, then faded away into the delicious berry taste that I could only describe as “happiness.”

They’re got a pretty good texture to them, being shaped and smooth like Sweet Tarts. They’re about as hard as Sweet Tarts too, but they crumble very nicely once you bite into them.

Ice Breakers Sours are officially regarded as mints, but they certianly don’t act like mints. Yes, their strong flavour will linger in your mouth for a while, but it doesn’t last long enough to be put to any serious breath-freshening use. They cost a pretty penny, though, which is common for top-tier mints, like these and Altoids. It’s damned hard to resist eating them like candy too. You know, the whole delicious thing playing a part there.

Overall, I stand firmly behind my opinion that Ice Breakers Sours rule. One might even say they’re crumbelievable.

Never turn your back on it

Yep. I know I didn’t post an article last week. And so the streak ends. It was a good run though. Anyhow, I’ve been at the cottage for the last four days, and damn did I get a lot accomplished. Most importantly, I learned to bake pie. This is probably going to end up a bad thing though, because now I can create pie whenever I want, and it’ll likely be my downfall. Secondly, I finished Kingdom Hearts 2 with a 100% completion rate. It was a bitch, but I did it. I’m proud of myself. And the game was pretty awesome too. A little easy due to Forms being totally broken, but fun no less. So now, links!

The Top Ten Unmanliest Superheroes

Your Band Name Sucks: 50 of the Inexcusably Worst

The truthiness about bears

My new favourite video ever (NSFW)

This is a little entertaining. Kinda.

IGN Wii’s Retro Remix takes a look at Earthbound

That was a beaut

Remember when I went nuts over the prospect of Biker Mice From Mars on DS? Trailer! While it certainly looks like it could be good, they really need to inject some, oh, I dunno, action into it. Not a whole lot going on there.

Help name a bridge after Stephen Colbert! We’re still a long way off, so go get voting, you dummy.

Best internet mashup video ever. Even better than all those Zidane headbutt collections. There must be dancing!

I know I’m really late on this one, but if you haven’t seen the PS3 vs. Wii vid yet, hurry up. Hot chicks in boy shorts are always excellent promotional tools.

After just over a week of being under repair (felt like forever though), Tyler’s back!

I finally got my hands on Remastered Tracks Rockman Zero 4: Physis. I heartily approve! Even the drama tracks (which are diaogue explaining the story, and entirely in Japanese) are pretty cool. Sample, anyone? (right-click, save as)

TE is on… Super Smash TV!

[Editor’s Note: This was riginally written as a guest article. I changed some obvious phrases, but it something doens’t make sense, just keep that in mind]

Now it’s a bit odd, but I decided that I m posting an article here when it was intended to be a guest article for another site. Weird, no? Well that’s the way it’s going to be, and you’re going to have to deal with it. I ran out of time, and it’s the only backup I had left. Sure this contains very little of the brilliance of my regular articles, but it shall be something to read nonetheless. The pictures are as well low-budget, as I don’t want to take the time to take screenshots if I’m not even doing this seriously, so I just stole them from a Google image search.

This review is obviously (as long as you took the time to read the link and the title) about the game Super Smash TV. It’s a game that I really enjoy, and was playing a lot for a while back in October. The game is very simplistic, as it is derived from an arcade game of a similar name. While the arcade version might have a few extra scenes and (slightly) better looking models (I think, I only glanced at one screenshot. In the console version, they look like ugly men.), there probably isn’t a whole lot of difference between the two.

The game is basically you and possibly a friend running around a maze, killing hordes of enemies and picking up a bunch of prizes along the way. It’s set up as some sort of futuristic game show, and I think it’s pretty accurate, as with the current trend of violence-loving and reality TV, a real life Smash TV might not be far off. But that sad, sad fact aside, the game is pretty fun. It’s also pretty hard, and I can’t get too far without cheating. There are tons of enemies, way more than in any Gauntlet game, even. And the bosses have tons of life and really enjoy killing you.

Even though it’s almost always the same thing over and over, I find that the game doesn’t get too boring after playing it a lot. The only real different rooms are the cash rooms and bosses. The only annoying part of the game is at the end of a level, when your points are tallied up. It’s fine if you do badly, but if you get a lot of stuff, it can take a long time to add up all your points. And the worst part is that you can’t skip it, you have to sit for 1 to 3 minutes waiting for the points to count up.

Now like I said, you basically just go around shooting stuff. Enemies constantly flood out of each side of the room, and you just can’t stop them. Fortunately, there are a whole bunch of power-ups to help take the gaggles of goons out. A bunch of weapons are at your disposal, like machine guns, rocket launchers, and spread shots. Then there are other things like the speed-up, invincibility, and a shield. The only thing is that the rooms last a long time, and the power-up don’t last nearly long enough to be of maximum use. But they do appear quite often, so it sort of balances out.

The bosses, on the other hand, are incredibly hard to beat if you’re not cheating. They’re pretty big, have a lot of weapons, and are slightly faster than yourself. Not only that, but they take forever to kill, and most of the time, your forced to use special weapons because normal guns don’t work at all. So not only are they very hard to not get killed by, but they take forever to beat, too. If there is an upside, it’s that the third one (I think) looks just like the announcer guy, and I thought that was pretty funny.

Now that I’m done with the summary, here’s my point tally.

Graphics:
They look fine for the SNES, and I think they’re mostly the same as the arcade version. The only real downside is that the game show babes are beastly. The greatest thing is that there can be about 40 things moving on the screen at the same time with no slowdown whatsoever. Or at least none that I can recall. 8

Sound & music
I can’t really remember there being any music. I guess it was all drowned out by the shooting and the dying. There are a few voice samples for the announcer, and they’re pretty good compared to most voice samples in game of that time. And by that, I mean that you can tell what he’s saying. 6

Controls
This is where the game really shines. You control your guy with the d-pad, and which way he shoots with the face buttons, so you can move and shoot in different directions. If you’re playing the ROM and have a dual-analog gamepad, try setting movement to one stick and shooting to the other. I couldn’t get it to work, but I imagine it would work very nicely. 10

Fun
It’s good fun, and is just as good with two players. It can really get competitive if you’re both obsessed with getting all the loot, so it really adds to the fun of the game. It loses a few points because the bosses take way too long to kill and the game is just too damn hard to get very far. 8

Overall
I enjoy the game, but not in extended periods of time. I might beat a few rooms one day, save state, play a few rooms the next day, and so on. The lack of notable/memorable music is a real downer for me, but that just means I can turn off the sound and pop in one of my CDs without feeling cheated out of awesome music. It’s games like this that are the foundation of what an arcade should be. We need less of those damned shooting and fighting games and more of the old-school adventureish games like this or that Ninja Turtles arcade game. Overall, I’ll give it a 7.

So that’s about it. I do feel a little low for posting this on my site, it’s not exactly up to my general standards. But what can I say, it took me about an hour to write, including the time it took me to figure out what I’d write about, get the pictures, and write the thing. So I guess the last little note I should tack on here is that if you’ve got a friends nearby and a couple of PC gamepads, go download this ROM now, or buy one of the many classic arcade compilations that have this game on it. It’s a game worth trying out, and as I’ve said for many a game before this, it’s great for killing time.

Love said no

I had an inkling when I heard about XBox Live Arcade that the chances that I would one day own an XBox 360 had risen astronomically. Now, thanks to Jeremy Parish, it’s nigh inevitable.

Servbots! I could ignore the MegaMan X suit, but I cannot hope to resist the Servbots. If you’d played MegaMan Legends, you’d know exactly why. Read the post on ToastyFrog for more info.

My iPod got royally messed the other day. Read the tale here. Hopefully it’ll be corrected one way or another pretty soon… I miss the little guy.

I recenty read through the Ugly Hill archive. Good stuff.

If you love platformers and theses, I recommend reading this study on platform games. I spent my Friday night reading all 31 pages of it, and I don’t entirely regret it. Then again, I’m a huge nerd.

Apparently there was recently a Masturbate-athon held in London. I’m still trying to figure out why I wasn’t the guest of honour.

I’m not going to argue with this list of the Top Ten Manliest Superheroes, mostly because they included Grifter (a personal favourite), but I really think that despite Bruce Banner being kind of a pussy, the Hulk should have been on it somewhere.

Time will tell if all turns out OK

A little over a year ago, I purchased a game for my Nintendo DS called Meteos. It was a pretty simple-looking puzzle game that was getting very respectable press. Since I adore puzzle games, I was going to get it even before I heard how good it was. So I bought it. And by God, was I impressed.

I started playing Meteos again about a week ago, and it’s easily just as addictive and fun as it was a year ago. Of all the DS games I own, I think I’ll be coming back to this one the most over time. There’s nothing not to love about Meteos. It’s frantic, it’s engaging, and there’s a good level of strategy associated with it. You can pick up, learn, and have fun with Meteos just as easily as you can Tetris, but just like Tetris, you’ll have to pick up on a few tricks and techniques before you can earn mind-boggling scores. A year later, my skills haven’t slipped at all, and I’ve even finally been able to reach the elusive “The Ascent” ending.

One coolest things about Meteos is the music. It’s not like other games in that there’s just BGM playing while you do your thing. No. You essentially create the music as you go, with each successful Meteo match-up inciting a little tune, and different tunes being playe for bigger matches, higher combos, etc. I know the Wind Waker was a little bit like that in the way that attacking enemies would produce short melodies, but no other games that I’ve played really even attempt such a neat feature. The other thing I really love is that once you get into Meteos, Meteos gets into you. I know that on days that I’ve spent playing the game, that when I close my eyes at night, I see Meteos falling and then my mind just starts to play its own game. And not by choice either. It just happens, and I love it.

So why do I bring it up? Because I don’t think I’ve ever talked about Meteos before. That, and I really wish they would re-release it with WiFi capabilities. Just like nearly every muliplayer game, it’s so much more fun to play against other people. I’ve been trying to get my brother to buy it ever since I got it, but no such luck. Sure, there’s a single-card option, but we don’t play often enough for him to get good by that alone. I think my only real chance of getting some really good multiplayer Meteos going on is later this year, when Buena Vista Games releases Meteos: Disney Edition (which will hopefully include a WiFi option). I mean, I’m sure everyone that bought Meteos would adore WiFi play, and since they won’t be re-releasing the original, that’s probably the best we can hope for. The only downside to Wifi Meteos would be that my productivity would go from six to zero.

Just let me sleep

I found a great review of FFVII: Advent Children. Yeah it’s a little out-of-date, but a good read no less. Find it here.

In video game news, I’ve been enjoying two of my favourite games from the last generation, Super Mario 64 and MegaMan Legends. What this has to do with any thing, I can’t really tell you. What I do know is that I’m a little surprised at how much better those two games can hold my attention than most from the current generation. I even spent 6 straight hours playing Castlevania: Symphony of the Night some weekends ago, and I can rarely play a single game for two hours straight these days. I bought MGS3:Subsistence a few months ago, and I’m still not even halfway through it. Even the oh-so-lovable Katamari Damacy can only keep me occupied for about an hour at a time. Are games really getting less interesting? It can’t be me, because I can still sit down for hours with the classics and most handheld games. Who knows? Maybe it’s just a phase. I can very much see myself not leaving the house (my room?) for long periods of time once that Wii thing makes its way into my living space. End ramblings.