Category: Comics

RWFF #5 – The Purrrfect Toast

What even is up with this one? The characters are all weird-looking, and it’s a much dirtier joke than I’d usually care to run. Almost like it’s someone else’s doing…

Nope. It was me. I did it. I just kinda went with the flow on the drawings. I don’t know if I want to make Ryan’s hairstyle closer to reality, or to stick with his iconic “Sonic the Hedgehog” spikes. Stephanie… well, I don’t think I ever really settled on a solid look for her. Here, she looks nothing at all like Real Stephanie. But neither does Ryan, so I guess it’s moot.

My resolution for 2015 is to draw at least one comic a month, which really is not a lofty goal to reach. I’d like to go back to drawing one a week, but I really don’t have anywhere near enough ideas for that kind of output. If only I had a writer…

RWFF #4 – Ryan on TV (#1?)

I haven’t drawn very many comics since Coozy For Hire died, but I’m going to have to say that this is by far my favourite. Just the fun, goofy look of it is enough to put a big smile on my face. Also, I find it hilarious when I make my alter-ego look/act like a big doofus, so this is like the crème de la crème.

I would like to do more “Ryan On TV” comics, but I really don’t have any other solid ideas quite yet.

Note that this is the first RWFF that isn’t based on actual events. Though it is based on a one-liner that I like to trot out whenever I’m given the chance. Which is rare, since it’s not often that you get asked what you want to be when you grow up if you’re already a grown-up.

Also I posted this on Facebook ages ago, so it should be old news if you follow me on there.

Ninja Turtles 2014

tmnt2014I saw the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. It’s not a good movie, but I liked it. I walked out of the theater with that excited feeling you get after seeing an action movie, and the rest of the crowd seemed pretty content as well.

More than anything, this movie has made me realize how much I hate nerds. No, this movie is not going to win any awards. It’s not deep. It’s not artsy. But it was never supposed to be. It’s a summer action blockbuster. It’s not supposed to make you think, it’s just supposed to be fun. So shut up, nerds, and just friggin’ Enjoy A Thing.

I may be a little biased, of course, so take that with a grain of salt.

Anyway, while my overall opinion on the movie is “I had a good time,” there were plenty of things that caused my nerdy self to squirm.

First thing: Splinter. I don’t mind the new physical design, but what’s the deal with his voice? I understand that he’s not a Japanese man-turned-rat here, but he just doesn’t sound very Splintery. And doing an Italian accent? Yeesh. Also, what even is going on with his tail? Can it just extend and retract at will? Because that’s what it looked like. And that’s just stupid. I don’t care if he’s a mutant or not. It’s dumb and is probably the thing that bugged me the most.

I also didn’t care for Shredder’s suit. The gauntlets covered in retractable blades are one thing, but the fact that they shoot out and then fly back into the gauntlets? That’s a bit too silly, even for me. But I get it; if I were eight years old, I would be over the moon for a Shredder with gloves that shoot boomerang blades. If fact, it’s probably something I doodled in a schoolbook back when I was that age.

It also feels Shredder almost seemed like he was shoehorned into a movie where he didn’t really belong. He wasn’t really the big bad ninja crime lord that we know and love, he was essentially just the muscle for the real villain of the film. He had absolutely nothing in the way of character development. Yes, his inclusion made for some good (and characteristically brutal) fight scenes, but that could have been accomplished by making the Foot Clan actual ninjas rather than your run-of-the-mill private army. I know you’re modernizing it for the Call of Duty generation, but… is that really necessary? My point is that Shredder would have better served as the main villain of the inevitable sequel.

You know what? Karai should have been the ninja boss of this movie. She was there the whole damn time, but she didn’t really do anything. And it would have worked perfectly, too. Turtles warm up on Shredder’s apprentice in the first movie, and then move onto the main main in the sequel. It practically writes itself.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles suffers the same problem as the live-action Transformers movies: too much reliance on humans when people are there specifically to see the titular non-human characters. I don’t give a rat’s patoot about Megan Fox. Sure, she can pal around with them, but she should not be the main character of the film. On the other hand, that did allow for Will Arnett to have plenty of screen time, and that’s never a bad thing.

The whole chase/mountainside scene that formed the middle of the film was completely unnecessary and out of character for the franchise. It just felt really weird. It took me a while, but I’ve realized that Ninja Turtles is actually just a classic James Bond flick in disguise. I could go into detail about how I came to that conclusion, but that’s another post. It’d probably be longer than this one, even.

So what’s good about it? The Turtles are great, it’s just that they don’t get enough focus or characterization because it’s gotta be all Megan Fox all the time in this one. And I don’t care what anyone says, I like the new designs (they’re just a little too tall). I love that Donatello wears glasses, and I never thought that I’d like Raph as a massive bruiser as much as I do. The fight scenes pleased me to no end, aside from Splinter’s extendable tail and Shredder’s overblown hardware. It was funny; a very good percentage of the jokes made me laugh out loud. Karai was in it. She didn’t really do anything, but she’s established at least. Maybe she’ll have a bigger actual role in the sequel.

At the end of the day, though, I enjoyed it. Like I said at the top, it’s not a good movie, but it’s fun enough if you just take it on its own terms. If you’re looking for actual good TMNT media, check out the Nickelodeon cartoon or the current comic series. The former is excellent and the latter is outstanding. Seriously, go get you some of that. I love that comic.

Festivus in June

I briefly mentioned once that last year, I participated in Talking Time’s yearly Festivus gift exchange. It’s essentially an internet Secret Santa (here dubbed Ninja Santa), with each forum member who signs up given the mission of sending out a gift to an assigned recipient.

I have very little confidence in my ability to pick out gifts for people, and I was panicking pretty hard to get my gift done and sent before Christmas, but I did it. I spent a little more than I’d hoped to, but my “victim” was happy, and so was I. Then all that was left to do was to wait for my gift to arrive.

I waited, and then I waited some more.

By the time March rolled around, I’d accepted my giftless fate, and figured that I’d just have to be content in knowing that I’d done my part. “More important to give” and all that jazz.

Then last week this showed up.

I was not particularly shocked, as the fella who organized the whole affair had said that he’d be sending out consolation gifts to everyone whose Ninja Santa had flaked. Apparently the flake rate was really high this year, and Nich was paying for these consolation gifts out of his own pocket, so to say that he’s a pretty good dude would be a serious understatement.

Let’s take a look at what’s inside, shall we?

A big book of ghost stories! Mammoth, even, if the cover is to be believed. I’m so very happy to have received this book, as I’ve been crazy about ghost stories since I was a wee lad. In my adult life, I’ve not read a single one, so this fills a long-neglected niche.

It’s worth mentioning that I am also legitimately terrified of ghosts, regardless of whether they’re real or not, so this book will probably contribute to more than a few sleepless nights. I can’t wait!

Also a collection of old horror comics! This is exactly the kind of thing that I would spend my own dollars on if I had some to spare, so I’m also really happy with this.

For whatever reason, I have a deep appreciation for Golden Age comics. I don’t have a clue where it comes from, but I look at this book and I think that it’s exactly the kind of thing that I want to be reading.

I’m not very familiar with EC Comics on the whole, but I’ve had a life-long fascination with Tales From the Crypt, so a publication of a similar theme should be right up my alley, yes? Only time will tell for sure, but I can’t imagine any reality in which I end up disappointed after reading through this volume.

So that’s my Festivus haul. I’d say that it goes above and beyond being a simple “consolation gift.” I know that if I had to shell out to supply gifts to all the folks who didn’t get, I’d probably have just sent out the same generic tchotchkes to everyone, rather than hand-picking personalized gifts. So it’s a good thing that I don’t ever plan to run Festivus.

RWFF#3 – Shoe Talk

Shoe_Talk

Hey it’s another one! I hope you’re enjoying these silly comics, because I’m doing it for you! Or, no, wait. I’m doing it for me. I’m doing it because I get a small amount of satisfaction from drawing.

Anyway, like all of the RWFF entries so far, this is based on a real-life event. It’s not 100% true to what actually happened, as I only came up with the joke as I was walking away, but whatever. It’s pretty funny. I think it’s funny.

100% completion

I bought the final issue of Nintendo Power this week, and began flipping through it an hour ago. You know how they say that when you die, your whole life flashes before your eyes? Well, I had a feeling that I can only describe like that: going through the pages, looking at the features on the history of Nintendo Power, scanning the included poster that features the cover of every issue, it was like looking back through a summary of my entire life. It was beautiful and chilling at the same time.

Is it sad that I can trace my life through a series of 285 magazines? I haven’t even read them all, but you could pick almost any point in my life and I could tell you what I was reading about in Nintendo Power at that time, within roughly two months. I haven’t been a subscriber for a few years now, but I always made a point to pick up an issue every few months for the sake of tradition, if nothing else. the worst part of it all is that a couple years ago I actually offloaded my entire NP collection, and now that the nostalgia bug is biting, it’s killing me that I don’t have them to go back to and reminisce with. I’d kill for a complete set, but to be perfectly honest, I don’t think it would be the same if it wasn’t my collection. Sure, pretty much every issue I had before volume 92 (Yes, I know that specifically. It’s the Shadows of the Empire issue. I got the Dash Rendar cover.) was in tatters, but I guess that’s part of what made them so special to me, weird as it may be. All the articles would be the same, but it just wouldn’t be the same. You know what I mean?

And now that I’m thinking about it, I actually have Amazon open in another tab, seeing how much people are charging for their old issues. As long as you’re not looking for mint copies, the average asking price seems to be around $3, which would cost me roughly… $855. Before Shipping. Yeah, I need to get away from Amazon. Now. Not to mention the time it would take to order each one individually… Also issue #1 doesn’t go for any less than $200. Drat. I certainly don’t have that kind of cash.

Anyway, reading this magazine has simultaneously made me sad and filled me with warm fuzzies. I kind of hate nostalgia because it affects me so strongly. I’m going to be mopey about the loss of Nintendo Power for weeks now. The worst part is that recent Nintendo Power hasn’t really been the Nintendo Power that I grew up with. It’s a completely different magazine than it was even midway through its run, but I still loved it dearly. Checking the mail every single day when a new month rolled around. Absorbing each and every word printed between the covers -twice- the day it finally arrived. Reading that three-part Secret of Mana feature over and over and over again. Poring over the maps and strategies so that I knew games inside and out before even playing them. There are a handful of games to this day that I’ve never played but vividly remember because I soaked in so much information about them via the pages of Nintendo Power. It was a huge part of my childhood life, but I suppose all good things have to come to an end eventually.

I’m just glad that they did up one final Nester comic for the last issue. It’s the best sendoff the magazine could have hoped for.

Ryan’s Webcomics For Funtimes

So this is… comic number one; I call it Polygamize Me. Thought it was fairly clever.

I don’t know for sure if I’m going to be doing more comics or what. It’s just that I’m on vacation this week and I’ve got a surplus of time to do fun things that I like. Drawing comics is on that list, it’s just not very high on the list, so it usually gets ignored for other things which I find to be more fun. If I do keep it up for whatever reason, there won’t be a regular schedule. They’ll just appear whenever my muse compels. It’s more exciting that way.

I’m filing the project under the name Ryan’s Webcomics For Funtimes (just like the post title), because the Coozy For Hire name died along with the website. I mean, the site is there and hijacked by penis ads (yes, still!), but none of the CFH content exists on that little slice of internet. RWFF is sill mostly the same thing as CFH in spirit, the only difference being that it’s a solo project. That isn’t a strict rule though; I’m just as open to collaboration as any hip-hop artist.

I don’t know what else to say about this yet. More on why this happened tomorrow.

Mass Review Time – Honeymoon Edition

Internet, I have a problem. I’m addicted to Fargo.

Maybe it’s not so bad as addiction, but the summer trip south to Fargo has become a tradition that I can surely not break free of. I need it. I need it so bad that I managed to convince my now-wife that it’s where we should spend our honeymoon. So maybe it is bordering on addiction. I’m not a psychiatrist, I don’t know these things. Surely there’s a better way I could have started this article.

As usual, the trip was mostly to get away, relax, and just be together for a few days. And from what I’m told, that’s mostly what a honeymoon is about too. So to that end the voyage was perfectly successful. Of course we also spent a buttload of money. Like, way more money than we were even allowed to spend while down there. By some random stroke of luck, the amount you’re allowed to spend when crossing the border increased on the day we came home, so we didn’t have to pay duty on what we spent over the previous limit. It’s the first time crossing the border was a truly pleasant experience.

To that end, I should note that this is by no means a complete list of things I bought in the States. I’ve obviously excluded anything The Wife bought, because this website is about me me me me me and God forbid I give anyone else more than a passing mention. I also spend a bit on a few little house things and some clothes that I don’t feel are nearly interesting enough to write about. On that note, let’s take a look at exactly what I judge to be “interesting.”

Continue reading Mass Review Time – Honeymoon Edition

Teenage Martian Ninja Turtles

I don’t know if anyone but me keeps up with this kind of stuff, but there’s a new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie in production. It’s actually just called “Ninja Turtles,” which is kind of a strange departure from the norm, but I suppose it helps to streamline a title that’s a bit of a mouthful, as well as define it from other works that use the whole title.

The big news about this one though, is that it’s being produced by Michael Bay, and he’s changing the lore so that the turtles are aliens instead of mutants. The fan community is in an uproar, with hateful letters to Bay flying left and right. You might think that being the TMNT fanboy that I am, I would be pushing my way to the front of this spiteful bandwagon. In fact, I am not. At first I wasn’t ready to believe it, but after spending a good hour or so reading what we know about this film so far, I’m not too worried about the change.

I will admit that I do worry about how Bay is going to handle the Turtles otherwise. He’s not exactly a man who understands the concept of “subtlety” and that’s kind of the whole point of ninjas. Overall though, I trust him to keep mostly in line with where the franchise should be. I really loved the reboots of Friday the 13th and A Nightmare on Elm Street, even if they did take themselves a little too seriously. TMNT is a fairly light-hearted franchise, so I’m really just hoping that it’s not all grimacing and dull colour palettes. Even the grim black-and-white comic book Turtles lighten up and start cracking wise after the first couple issues.

Anyway, the alien turtles thing. It’s a little ridiculous, but I can’t imagine that it would change the story that much. It’s been confirmed that the Turtles will be the same characters we all know and love, so does their origin really matter? I’ll admit that I had reservations about it at first, but sitting down and really assessing the situation cooled off my terror gauge pretty quickly. Especially given the fact that Eastman and Laird have both been privy to a lot of behind-the-scenes stuff that the general public doesn’t have access to yet, and they’re both pretty optimistic about the project. Their direct involvement seems to be limited, but as long as they’re showing upturned thumbs, I believe that everything will turn out alright.

The other thing you really have to consider is that there are plenty of other franchises that have been rebooted or otherwise completely rebuilt that have worked out for the best. In my case, I am thinking explicitly about the Silent Hill series. Silent Hill: Shattered Memories, if you want to get really specific. Aside from names, Harry’s line of progression through the town, and the general atmosphere of unease, there really isn’t all that much in common between it and the original Silent Hill. And that was okay! Though Shattered Memories changes nearly everything about the game it is inspired by, I have room enough in my heart for both, because they are both quality products. Yes, someone went in and changed a story that I am very familiar with and treasure as a part of my personal development, but they did a really good job of it! Who’s to say that Michael Bay can’t do the same by altering a mostly irrelevant part of the Turtles lore?

“But… they’re from space!” you may scream like a moron on fire. Yes, they are. Did you know that in the original TMNT lore, the mutagen that made the Turtles into what they are was from space? Kinda makes the transition seem a little less like a major shift than just cutting out the middle man. Yeah, yeah, I know there was none of that in your 80’s cartoon or 90’s movies, but that’s the straight dope. And consider those too; this isn’t the first time a production studio has taken creative liberties with the Turtles’ lore. Hell, the 80’s cartoon took all sorts of wacky departures from Turtles canon, so I think it’ll be okay here. Even worse is that most people (fools) believe that cartoon to be the Turtles canon because it was the most mainstream iteration of the TMNT.

So I guess what I’m saying here is not to make any snap judgements. Yes, the Turtles are going to be from space. It’s not a huge departure from the original lore, so stop saying that the upcoming movie is “sodomizing your childhood.” You’re being nitpicky dumbasses. We don’t really know anything about this movie yet, and odds are that it will be pretty good. As long as it doesn’t take and inspiration from The Next Mutation, I don’t think there’s anything to worry about. If it does turn out to be awful, I really doubt it will be because the Turtles came from space. There are much more important places for you to direct your hate: maybe send some towards that retarded-looking Battleship movie for existing. And for casting Rihanna. God, I hate Rihanna.