Book Report: The Picture of Dorian Gray

I read a book! I know, it’s been a while!

It was called The Picture of Dorian Gray. It is about a man who gets a portrait painted of himself, and then because he’s super vain, he casts a magic voodoo spell on it that keeps him young forever and makes the portrait version of him age instead. Then he lives out a life of hedonism and debauchery until he goes insane from an overdose of ecstasy, throws the portrait into a volcano, and then his head explodes because the voodoo curse releases all the portrait’s pent-up oldness back onto him.

This is, as I am told, an example of “classic literature,” which I understand is a type of book that publishers keep reprinting and selling forever because it costs a lot more to write new books. It was written by Oscar Wilde, a man well renowned for his work towards creating equality for brown M&Ms and having set the world record for number of lions tamed in one hour (a record which I soon hope to break). Also on his days off he wrote plays and fairy tales.

While the story itself was engaging, the novel contained some unique views on the topics of art, love, and society which I found quite interesting at the time, and have taken to reading up a little more on such philosophies, and pondering on what they mean to me. I will no doubt lose all interest in them within three or so days, and then go back to not having anything substantial to talk to people about. Such is life.

Also, there could have been more robots and sexy ninjas. But what novel couldn’t benefit from having more of those?

The Picture of Dorian Gray excels at many things. For one, it is most certainly a collection of words printed onto paper. It also has an image on the front cover, which is soft, and to my liking. Hard covers are much too solid and pose too much of a risk of falling into my enemies’ hands and being used as a bludgeoning tool against me.

There are no blank pages between the cover and the story, however, there are two pages in a row upon which only the title and name of the author are printed. This seems somewhat redundant, as this information is already on the cover (which directly precedes these pages). This is the only fault that I could find in this novel. It is otherwise immaculate.

In conclusion: that sure was a novel.

Label graffiti

Sometimes I do irresponsible things.

My time working at Toys R Us was full of them, some more innocuous than others.

For example, at one point during my last few days as an employee there, I took a packet of large labels and wrote on them, one letter per label “BENDER LIVES LARGE AND KICKS BUTT”.

I took those labels, and stuck them on the inside of the freight elevator shaft, just above the door. Since people aren’t supposed to ride the freight elevator, in theory nobody should have ever seen it. But I thought it would be a fun surprise for any irresponsible young lads who might do so anyways.

It’s really too bad I didn’t have an iPhone yet at that point. I would have loved to have photographic evidence of my giant waste of time and also labels.

Anyway, that’s my story. I hope you enjoyed it.

Super Mario Maker is Wonderful

Seriously. It is probably the Best Video Game.

I have made well over a dozen stages (and I think that most of them are good!), and have ideas upon ideas for more to come. Also, Talking Time is absolutely flush with other people who make great stages, so I don’t necessarily have to dig through the piles of crap stages to find the gold.

I want to write about it at length, so that’s all for today. Here’s a trailer.

Monthend Video Game Wrap-Up – August 2015

August. What is there to say about August?

Absolutely nothing.

~ Game Over ~

Mega Man 6 (NES) – Typically one of the less-appreciated Megamns. I really like it! The Rush adapters are a lot of fun, and almost make up for the lameish robot master weapons. Also it’s maybe a little on the easy side, making it a breeze to burn through in an afternoon.

Life is Strange: Episode 4 – Dark Room (PC) – I was greatly disappointed by one of the bigger story beats, but enjoyed everything else about this episode. Many times I thought something horrible was going to happen, but it never did. Because they were saving it all for the end. Yikes.

Submerged (PC) – Lovely game about boating around a city that’s half underwater and climbing up buildings. It’s like Shadow of the Colossus, but with a boat instead of a horse, and a total lack of violence.  Only takes around five or six hours to complete, too.

Mega Man 4 (NES) – What? Ryan’s playing Mega Mans? WHAT A SURPRISE. …you know how I feel about Mega Man 4.

Mega Man (NES) – Ugh… this one is pretty bad. Have I mentioned that before? No unplayable, but frustrating and kind of a joke compared to the rest of the NES games.

Mega Man 2 (NES) – And then this one is so good. Not the best, but pretty darn close.

Mega Man 3 (NES) – This one is the best. I’ve even played it so many times now that I only have a little bit of trouble with the Doc Robot stages. Hooray!

~ Now Playing ~

Five Nights at Freddy’s (iOS) – I bought the mobile version because I thought it would be easier to handle if I could play it while in my parents’ living room with people around. Nope! The tension is still unbearable. Also it crashes like nobody’s business. So I’m stuck on Night 2 forever.

Bravely Default (3DS) – Playing over a year after everyone else got bored of it has a certain benefit: a lot of the streetpass/friend list bonuses are totally broken since my allies are all done the game, many of them having maxed out job levels and whatnot. And I’m really enjoying it! I’m already getting hyped for the sequel, though I’m only on chapter 3 of this game.

Picross e6 (3DS) – Mo’ Picross, mo’ problems. Or, not. Because Picross makes me happy.

Fallout: New Vegas (PC) – Don’t know what it is, but as much as I enjoy this game, I find it very difficult to invest time in it. Also, a maxed out Sneak stat isn’t nearly as effective as I’d like it to be.

Earthbound Beginnings (NES) – Honestly, it’s starting to feel a little tedious. If Lloyd and Ana had joined the party at a respectable level, maybe things could have been different… Whatever. I’m nearing the end. Just got to keep pressing forward. Sloooooowly.

Dark Souls (360) – Yeah I went back to this for a bit. Made some progress. Probably going to keep not writing about it though.

Papo & Yo (PC) – A puzzle platformer of sorts. Wherein the boy you play as has a robot for a backpack and a monster for a buddy. Also said monster sometimes goes on horrible, violent rampages after eating frogs. Only an hour in, it’s been enjoyable.

Chrono Trigger (DS) – Logged a couple hours in here. Chipping away at my goal of unlocking all of the endings, one baby step at a time. I currently have four of thirteen.

Secret of Mana (SNES) – Started a new run because my brother had never played it past Spikey. I don’t blame him. That’s a tough (and very cheap) boss. Might take forever to finish, because we usually play Monster Hunter or Smash Bros instead.

Zelda: Four Swords Adventures (GC) – Started a new run because my buddy had never played it. Might also take forever to finish. Because we have like seventeen million games on the go right now. (We are terrible at finishing games.)

Yep, we’re doing this

And somehow there was an outpouring of contentedness that I uploaded a new Pop-Tarts review for the first time in nearly a year. I am simultaneously delighted and baffled that people enjoy this video series as much as they do. I most definitely appreciate every kind word that comes my way, and I’m happy that people are enjoying these, but… I don’t know. I think they’re pretty dumb videos.

Enjoy!

Smash Love

The above video is about the competitive side of Super Smash Bros. I don’t really care for said scene myself, as I am a much more casual Smasher (I play with items on sometimes. Gasp!), but I thought that this video was fascinating.

It’s certainly worth a watch regardless of who you are. It’s very accessible, and does a very good job of explaining why people are so passionate about the game, and draws excellent parallels to traditional sports that can help people who don’t give a flying fig about video games understand.

I love Smash, and I absolutely appreciate how complex and malleable it is, but I still mostly just like it because it lets me beat up Bowser as Shulk. Or because I can play as Lucina outside of a tactical strategy game. You know, stuff like that. I’ll never understand why people cling so desperately to Melee, but that doesn’t especially interest me.