Money’s not an issue

So I got me a new compy, and it’s quite slick. Not a a top-of-the-line model, mind you, but more than good enough to suit my needs. Those needs being running a crap-ass blog and playing Borderlands. Also Portal sometimes, but mostly Borderlands.

The (very temporary) downside to all this is that not everything is quite in place yet and I currently do not have access to my old hard drive. This means it’s gonna be about a week or so until I’m back at peak efficiency. Of course peak efficiency isn’t much more than what I’ve got going now, it basically just means I have my entire music library to listen to whilst I blog, as opposed to the… (let me see here)… three CDs I’ve bothered to rip again.

In any case, here’s a picture of the new beast. Though really, it’s less than half the size of the last machine, so “beast” probably isn’t the right word. Also it’s a jillion times quieter too, so I can leave it on and stuff downloading overnight. Uh, nothing that I’m not supposed to be downloading, of course.

Look at all that space! I actually have a desk now! Also I can move my mouse! Hooray!

But cheering aside, I was going to go to work on moving more old articles over from the Angelfire mess, but then realized I no longer had access to the files! Silly me. Oh well, I’ll be uploading flashy new versions of stuff in less than a week’s time, so stay tuned. Also, that Dove deodorant is totally not mine. I use the manly stuff. For men.

That kind of love

Here’s a shocker: I’ve updated the long-neglected CD archive section of the site. Yeah, thought I’d given up on it, didn’t you? I’ll admit it was (and still is) a monumental task, but I’m feeling like it’s time to git ‘r done!

Ahem.

You can go here to find out more. Gold letters are ones that are recently updated. Yes there is only one currently; it’s been a long, slow process, and I don’t plan to increase speed too much. I do hope to have at least all currently available letter updated and three more done by the end of the year though. Remind me about that in November too please, cause I’m damn sure gonna forget.

So yeah. Mostly I just didn’t want that condom dispenser label to be the first thing people saw anymore. And that kinda failed because this post wasn’t nearly meaty enough. Oh, irony!

Sometimes we might fall

I know that it’s been a while since Metroid Prime 3: Corruption, but it’s a real testament to how poorly the Metroid Prime Trilogy sold that Samus has had to resort to selling condoms to make ends meet. At least Metroid: Other M comes out soon and her regular cash flow will pick up.

Interesting tidbit: While typing the two sentences above, I missed typing nearly half of the o’s. Weird.

I’d stare a lifetime into your eyes

So the other day I went out on my lunch break and bought a bucket of peach rings candy from Wal-Mart. It’s not that I really love peach rings that much or anything, I just needed some candy, and that seemed the most appealing at the time. Also it was like two bucks, so how could I refuse? I ate a few, went back to work, and left them sitting in the car.

Now, this summer’s been pretty crappy, and most of our days have been cold, rainy, windy, or any combination of those three. So of course when I got home and settled into my room and I realized I’d left the peach rings in the car, I wasn’t worried. I’d just take them in tomorrow after work. Of course, I forgot they were there in the morning, and they sat in the backseat all day long. And that was the day the sun came out to shine.

The little bastards melted something fierce, creating a horrible gelatinous peach blob. I was disappointed at first, but quickly discovered that the blob was not only still edible, but it also made a great plaything! The blob was unexpectedly smooth and soft, but it was also sticky as hell, as evidenced by the fact that if I put in my finger, then lifted it out, the whole bucket would lift with it, then slowly stretch back down. See!

Yeah. Sticky. And there’s really not much else to say about that. I showed a close-up picture to people (without telling them what it was) and they were totally grossed out, thinking it was some kind of gore. Then I said it was just candy and they were only slightly less disgusted. I ended up eating most of what was in the bucket, but it hardened back up pretty quickly and it became much harder to tear chunks off. So I’m out a couple peach rings, but I think the entertainment value was still worth the two dollar price. Also an easy blog post!

I suppose I should also mention that I’m going to Canmore again for the next week, so no blogging until Saturday at the earliest. Not that I’ve been keeping up very well over the last couple weeks though… Whatever.

Super Mario Galaxy 2 Loves Bein’ Green

About two and a half years ago, a wonderous little thing called Super Mario Galaxy happened. It was magical, and I hastily labeled it my very favourite Wii game. That title had not fallen, even though I’ve finished the game but once, until now. Super Mario Galaxy 2 is quite possibly the most direct sequel that Nintendo has ever made. It’s the exact same game, just crammed with boatloads of new ideas. All the fat has been trimmed, leaving a very polished, very intense gaming experience behind.

But maybe there’s something you didn’t know about Mario Galaxy 2. It’s got a thing about colours. To this you might say “Oh of course, Ryan. Both Mario Galaxy games have very vibrant and extensive colour palettes. They are indeed quite colourful!” But I’m not talking about the graphics, or the art style. What I’ve noticed, is that many of the outstanding elements in the game are all tied around a single colour, and it’s ain’t Mario Cap Red. Nope, the little bro gets his dues here because this game is all about green.

That’s right. It’s called Super Mario Galaxy, but the recurring theme of green in the game is undeniable and screams Luigi. And there’s no better way to present this theory than with the element of gameplay that Nintendo is pushing more than anything: Yoshi.

Now me and Yoshi have had a very turbulent relationship. In the beginning, things were peachy. He first showed up in Super Mario World, where not only was he just slightly less useful than the cape power-up, but he would also selflessly hurtle himself into the void in hopes of giving Mario a big enough boost to make that jump that was just a little too long. Now that’s friendship! Back then, getting Yoshi was something to be very happy about. There was absolutely no reason not to saddle up the dino. He was great. His starring role in Super Mario World 2: Yoshi’s Island brought us even closer, as that is undoubtedly one of the best platform games ever crafted.

Things took a turn for the worse when Yoshi’s Story came out though. It wasn’t a terrible game, but it suffered from a few odd design choices, like the game being six levels long, even though it contained 24 in total. And the baby Yoshi voice. It could have been a one-time annoyance, but no. Nintendo somehow decided to make the grating Baby Yoshi voice the de facto standard for any time noise might slip out of a Yoshi. Maybe it was to annoy people out of buying their games, maybe it was because they wanted people to hate Yoshi. I don’t know why, but it happened.

Add in the fact here that in the Super Smash Bros. series, Yoshi is nigh unplayable, and you’ve got yourself a real stinker of a character. Super Mario Sunshine seemed poised to make Yoshi a desirable companion, but in the end, it just got worse. As you played through that game, you quickly learned that anytime you saw a Yoshi egg, it was pretty much guaranteed that you were about to be forced through an either extremely annoying or difficult (often both!) challenge. Not to mention that it was an unnecessary hassle to find Yoshi a particular kind of fruit for each challenge, and there would usually be only one on the level and it would be quite far from your goal.

Super Mario Galaxy has turned it all around though. Yoshi is back, and while his voice is still a pain in the ears, he has definitely earned back his place as a worthy sidekick. Not only is Mario once again able to jettison Yoshi to his doom to save himself from a deadly fall, but unlike Sunshine, finding a Yoshi egg inspires hope, because levels with Yoshi in them are fun here. For example, there is a flower that Yoshi can grapple with his tongue and use to swing back and forth like some sort of bionic commando, and just flipping around on these flowers is worth hours of fun! Yoshi’s flutter jump will also save your ass countless times as you work your way through Galaxy 2, and every single time he shows up, you will be grateful.

As an aside, Yoshi has fruit-activated abilities again. Besides the mostly uninteresting Bulb Berry, they seem to be based on Sunshine’s FLUDD backpack. The Dash Pepper, for instance, will make Yoshi run at a high velocity, allowing him to run up walls and, more notably, dash across the surface of water. Sound familiar? And the Blimp Fruit is used to propel the duo into the air, allowing them to reach great hights or hover around for a while. Again, I’m feeling a little deja vu. Whether this was on purpose or a very sly nod to Sunshine, I don’t know, but I think it’s neat either way.

To continue with my green theory, we’ll also have a look at one-up mushrooms. They are an iconic Mario item, and they are not at all lacking in Super Mario Galaxy 2. In fact, there may be too many. The first Galaxy easily provided more than enough lives to get by, but Galaxy 2 takes it to the extreme. Not only are the bright green ‘shrooms just laying around everywhere, but there are countless opportunities to earn more.

In nearly every galaxy, there is a teleport pad that will take Mario to a small arena, where if he is able to defeat a handful of enemies quickly, he is rewarded with not one, but three 1-up mushrooms. On Starship Mario there is a die you can hit that will either release a 1-up or a star bit, and later on you can enter a pipe on the ship that allows you to buy five more die that can yield up to five 1-up mushrooms each. That’s a possible twenty-five lives. It’s not likely that you’ll get the yahtzee, but the possibility is there.

Last but not least (probably not even last, I just can’t think of any more examples) just like in the first Galaxy, every time you boot up the game, there is a mailtoad who will give you five free one-ups. Excessive? Yes. In a prolonged play session, it wouldn’t be out of the ordinary to reach the 50-life mark. In my longest session, I far surpassed the 99-life cap. Of course, there are some hidden terms here, the most notable being that every time you turn the game off, your stock of extra lives goes back to a measly four. And also, once you get to the latter parts of the game, you’ll probably need all of those lives. Why? The green stars are a pretty good reason.

And what exactly do I mean by green stars? Firstly, I’ll ask you to stop reading if you haven’t finished the game and don’t want to be spoiled. Now that I’ve warned you, I’ll tell you this: the green stars are both a blessing and a curse. Once you’ve acquired all 120 gold/yellow stars and trounced Bowser, the game will unleash another 120 stars into the galaxies. They are green, and they will give you headaches.

The bad news is that these headaches will likely come from annoyance and monotony. The green stars are not 120 new challenges, but rather they are simply placed into the galaxies you’ve already cleaned out. Just hanging out there. It turns the back half of the game into something that comes eerily close to a collectathon. However! There is a better side to this.

Obviously, you want to play these levels again. Or at least most of them. The game is so big and full of great ideas that it’s still fun to just run around like an idiot in the many galaxies searching for the green stars. And while a few are a bit uninspired, the worst of them being situated right beside a regular star, the majority of them require some serious skills. Or at least serious accuracy. At least half of the green stars that I’ve collected to this point (currently counting a measly 31) have been floating out in the middle of nowhere, meaning that you’re making a big jump, and if you miss, you die.

Until I embarked on the hunt for green stars, I had no idea why Nintendo had created so gosh darn many opportunities to reap massive amounts of extra lives. The answer being that most of those green stars are literally death traps, and they demand that you be perfect. They are brutal, and if you have any trouble getting through the front half of the game, you’d best be prepared to either step it up a notch or just give up while you’re ahead. Did I mention that most of them are just a little bit farther than Mario can jump comfortably? Yeah, that makes the need for precision even more dire. Well, precision or someone who can jump higher and farther.

And that’s when we come back around to the man in green himself: Luigi. Luigi initially appears fairly early in the game, urging Mario to let him help collect some of the many power stars. And from that point, Luigi will appear at the beginning of certain missions, asking you to let him take over for a while. Using Luigi for that particular star will usually unlock a Luigi ghost, who will in turn lead you to a hidden star on your next run through that stage. It’s not the most logical event, but it happens.

Other than the few scripted appearances, once you’ve defeated Bowser in World 6 for the first time, you can freely switch between bros on Starship Mario, allowing you to take control of the L-Man whenever you desire. He still inexplicably lacks friction, but he does jump higher, making jump-based challenges easier, and many green stars a lot less deadly. Of course, this is kind of a step down for Weegie, who got an entire game mode to himself in the first Galaxy, but I suppose it’s nice for people who don’t want to play with him, as now he isn’t a mandatory step in reaching the very end.

It’s a little sad that Luigi has been demoted from second quest material to a common beggar, especially since someone on staff saw it fit to make so much of the game revolve around his trademark colour of green. But what can we do except take it as it is and simply make that choice to play as Luigi. His place in the galaxy may not be as glamorous as it was in years past, but at least we can still see from this recurring theme that he is loved, even though it’s a total pain in the ass to try to control him on the ground. Like seriously, do his shoes secrete oil or something?

It’s been no bed of roses

Because there were a total of four – count them, four – blog posts between January and March, I updated the news archive with a “1st Quarter 2010” page instead of one for each month. It’s quite sad. I used to love this blog… Oh well. Check this out! Crazy adventure time!

I never used to get sick, but since about November or something I’ve barely been able to go two weeks without contracting a cold or worse, and as a result, I’ve been drinking a lot of tea. Supposed to soothe the aches and throat and whatnot. It works okay at best, but I’ve actually grown quite fond of the stuff, and because my parents have a unexpectedly large collection of different teas, I’ve been able to be pretty adventurous with it too.

Now, brewing tea is pretty easy, and the process of selecting which flavour I’ll be drinking each night is left mostly up to sticking my hand in the baggie they are contained in and picking one at random. I’ve had all sorts of fun stuff, from exotic-sounding things like “Jasmine and Herbs” and “Moroccan Mint” to more mainstream selections like raspberry and english breakfast. When the situation calls for it, I’ll usually even add a glop of honey, as it’s supposed to help with the soothing of sore throats. Today though, I’ll be adding something a little more unusual.

Oh yes, that’s right. I’m gonna put Kool-Aid in my tea.

If you’re not familiar with Kool-Aid singles, they’re little packets that you pour into a glass or water bottle, instantly creating a single serving of Kool-Aid, removing the need for both sugar and a pitcher. This one is strawberry-Kiwi flavoured. They work really well, providing a possibly even stronger taste than traditional Kool-Aid, and given the fact that the orange tea has a pretty strong flavour itself, I’m a little apprehensive about how these are going to taste when they mix. I predict badly.

Once I poured the Kool-Aid packet in, the tea instantly turned a swampy brown, but when it all settled, it turned a much more appealing orange. I took this as a good sign. It smelled exactly like the Kool-Aid would if it had been on its own, another good sign. After letting the tea cool down a bit (because I’m a big pussy and can’t take the heat), I took my first sip, and was very surprisd. Initially it tasted just like strawberry-kiwi Kool-Aid, but after a while the orange taste broke through, creating an awesome evolving taste.

There’s really not much else to say. Both flavours stood out on their own somehow, and didn’t make an awful monstery taste like I’d predicted. I’m very satisfied with these results, and am anxious to try it out with other flavours of tea. Hopefully this is a universal trait of tea, and it’s not just this particular brand of teas that can withstand melding flavous with the Kool-Aid.

I can’t sleep at night

Let me offer one bit of advice to you: never attept to roll a massive amount of coins by yourself, or in one sitting. It is the most tedious work ever. And it makes your hands smell like pennies and taste like awful.

Yeah, I only got thirty rolls in before I couldn’t take it anymore. And that’s still just a small fraction of the amount of pennies I inherited when young Zachary cleaned out his room. At the very least I was also able to sort out all the nickels and dimes from the pennies, which is satisfying enough for tonight. I still have a big margarine tub worth of pennies to roll, and I’m thinking when I get back to them I’m definitely gonna have to enlist some help.

It sure doesn’t help that it feels like I’m bringing work home with me. I don’t do a ton of coin rolling at work, but it’s still giving me those chills. Blah. And the fifteen dollars I’ve made for myself probably won’t feel quite worth it. But it’s still free money I guess.

Also… I don’t know. I forgot what I really meant to write about tonight. Well, whatever it was couldn’t have been that important. Um, maybe Song Summoner? If you’re out of the loop, Apple has only recently allowed us to use iTunes cards on the app store, and being without a credit card, I’m a little late to the dance on this one. It’s cool though! A simple turn-based strategy game that’s influenced by your music library? I love the concept anyway. The fact that the only way to power up your troops is to listen to the songs you created them with is a little annoying though. I don’t want to be restricted to only a handful of songs! Give me at least a little bonus for listening to a greater variety of tunes!

So yeah, that’s me reaching for a blog post. I sure am boring these days. Next time we talk about… tea! Wait, tea? What?

Love me like you’re gonna die

So things are getting better around here. I think I’ve finally got Torrential Equilibrium back to where it was pre-crash. Not that I’d been adding much lately, but the archive of old stuff is still all there for you to browse. I’ll take this opportunity to point out some of my personal favourite articles for you, in case you’re newish and need somewhere to start. Me, I just like going back to some of the better ones and appreciating how much love I used to put into this site. Maybe they’re not the most eloquent or best written articles, but they all hold a special place in my heart for one reason or another.

Nintendo Surprise – Unbeknownst to us at the time, this would start a long-running chain of surprise bag articles. Also, it’s summertime and I’m getting all nostalgic about that particular summer, like I always do.

Animal Crossing – It’s not really new games journalism, per se, but it is an article about a game that isn’t a true review. More of a short story written with the help of a video game. Oh fuck, I wrote a fanfic and didn’t even realize it.

World’s biggest McDonald’s – Maybe this is outdated now, but it was the biggest in 2004. And it had both an F-Zero arcade machine and a Bill Cosby standee. I hope it hasn’t changed a bit.

Dick Turtle surprise bag – Dick turtle is kind of a celebrity here at TE. I know I scour every dollar store I see in hopes of one day meeting him again. The day I do will be commemorated with a parade and fireworks. And cheerleaders.

Mickey’s Ultimate Challenge – I honestly believe this is one of the best articles on the site. It’s not often that I’m proud of my work, but I think this one is really great.

Makin’ pancakes with Shadowman – Another one I really love. There are lots of food-related articles on the site, and this is the standout one for me. Mostly because it was something I could just have fun and be creative with, as opposed to the others which were mostly reviews with lots of fluff.

Chat Radio – Of all my featurettes, Chat Radio is my favourite. It’s too bad that it can sometimes be boring and hard to understand. It’s the format’s fault. I really hope to do another one soon. That or get with the times and make a podcast.

So actually, looking back through the archives, there’s a lot of stuff in there that I really like. Almost wish I had more drive to create more crazy stuff like this. It’s just a shame I don’t do anything out of the ordinary anymore. I can only justify so many game reviews in a row. Anyway, back to my point, consider this “Ryan’s favourite articles Part 1” because I’m definitely gonna have to point out more, but all in one blog post seems excessive. Maybe next week or something. Oh! And now I have an even better idea! But I’ll keep it a secret for now…

I like your beard

You may have noticed that everything was blown up here for most of May. You may not have. I’m suspecting most are in the second category. Anyway, yeah. Host exploded in the most awful way, and only now are the pieces being picked up. I’ll slowly be restoring the blog and articles portion, but Coozy For Hire, well it doesn’t look like it’ll be quite as easy to pick up where we left off over there. For now, all we’ve got here on TE is this index page and the 404. I’m lazy, what can I say? But things should be back to normal around next week. And by that, I mean all the old content will be back and I won’t be posting anything new for weeks at a time.

I must say though, that it was nice to have a real excuse for not paying any attention to my website. Like a little vacation from feeling bad about not working on my little pet project.