If only I had known

So Christmas was pretty good to me. Hasn’t really failed yet. However, the Christmas Haul article as you know it is dead. I don’t know if I’m going to do it differently this year, or just do it on the blog, or just skip it altogether. I haven’t decided yet. Just don’t expect the same article you’ve read the last three Christmaseses. I doubt this development (or lack thereof?) has ruined anyone’s day.

I do want to hock a site today. I recently bought the super-sweet Drist CD Orchids and Ammunition from CD Baby. Complimenting the awesomeness of the CD was the service provided to me by CD Baby. Their site is home to many many small-/no-name bands that would be impossible to find otherwise, and this alone scores a good amount of points. Then there’s the facts that it’s really easy to make a purchase from them, they sell for decent prices, and the site is very personally constructed. And by that I mean they built the site thinking of the consumers, so it feels like they’re catering specifically to yourself. To top all this off, the e-mail they sent to confirm that my purchase was on the way was hilarious and made me very happy. The whole process was really commendable. I’m most definitely looking forward to doing business with CD Baby again, and I heartily suggest that you give them your business too if you’re ever looking to the internet to make your music purchases.

I am a bike thief

Never noticed it before (mostly because I’ve been on the internet very little over the past couple months), but Mike’s got a great story about an English debate we had to suffer through back in high school. It’s a little inaccurate on the Gameboy bit (I’m not the sneakiest slacker, but I have more common sense than to play Gameboy when all eyes are on, or at least around, me), but the Pokémon line absolutely slayed me and makes the overall story just a little better. No blood no foul, as they say. Ah, it’s memories like these that really make me miss high school.

In other news, work has begun to both be more awesome and suck at the same time. The bad part is that there’s this “new” guy (I finger quote ‘new’ because he must have been transferred or worked here before) who’s pretty much nullifying my use to the company. Not only does he know Goddamn everything, he also works twice as fast as me. It sucks because now I feel completely useless, and I wouldn’t be surprised if they gave me the boot after Christmas and claimed I was only hired as seasonal help, because I’m pretty much just dead weight now. Turns out I absolutely hate feeling useless. I never knew that about myself. So what could possibly be countering this bad situation and making me still cherish my job? Well… I don’t feel like blogging down that road again. Use your imagination. I can’t imagine you’ll have too tough a time coming up with an answer.

And because I can’t really procrastinate on this one much longer, here’s the obligatory Band of the Month spiel. BotM is quitte clearly Freezepop. Or maybe it’s not so clear. That font is a bit small to read. Anyway, I don’t much like either synth or pop, but I really do like Freezepop. Freezepop makes me happy with their charming lyrics and solid beats. Like so amny other people, I was first introduced to Freezepop by Guitar Hero. Their contribution to the first game “Get Ready 2 Rokk” is awesome, and their return for GH2 “Less Talk More Rokk” is jsut as good, if not better. The only thing to note is that their Guitar Hero songs are very different from their regular offerings, which have much more of that pop flair to them.

It took some doing, but I finally was able to acquire the album shown above (Fancy Ultra*Fresh), and I do quite enjoy it. Though I have to say, it’s kind of a downhill ride the whole way. It’s not that the songs get bad, but it’s just that all the best stuff is clumped up in the first half. Easily recommendable though, but definitely not for everyone. I know a lot of people who would probably dismiss Freezepop long before even listening to one song, but listening to them always puts a smile on my face and warms my heart just a little.

Don’t you run away and hide

Surely you’ve all seen the hilarious safety pictures from the Japanese Wii Manual, so I won’t link to them. However, I think the fake ones are definitely worth the linkage.

Finally got around to renting and watching Nacho Libre last week. I had never realized it was a Nickelodeon movie, and as such it was pretty kid-friendly. Needless to say, my expectations were beaten severely. It wasn’t that bad, but it could have been a lot better were it not essentailly a family movie. At least Jack Black is a good actor. His performance really hold it together. That and the fact that I find lucha libre to be hilarious in its own right.

I also watched the first Hellraiser movie on Sunday. It was respectably good, and much different than I had imagined it. Not so much a slasher as just a kind of sadistic horror movie, but enjoyable all the same. Now I’ve only got seven left to watch, and damn that’s going to take some time. Apparently they start to suck after the third, though. Oh well. They’re all sitting there staing at me, just begging to be watched, so I guess I’m going to have to do it eventually.

I find it kind of sad

So yeah. Ummm… Between working, drawing comics, and playing Wii, I’ve really got so much…

You know what, I just didn’t care enough to make any posts over the last two weeks. Sue me. But now, holy crap, I just saw the Gears commercial. And holy camoly is it awesome. I can’t imagine I’d enjoy the game too much, but this commercial totally sells me on it. Totally. I’m going out and buying a 360 tomorrow*.

I guess I’ll give some basic impressions on the Wii while I’m here. System, controller, whatnot: awesome. Channels: Where are they? Seriously. I wants my damned forecast and I wants it now. I’ve been spending a lot of time on the Mii channel, as expected. Zelda is freaking sweet. Everyone says it’s ugly, but I don’t see it. I guess I just wasn’t expecting much on the graphics front. Rayman Raving Rabbids is great and hilarious. I just can’t get enough of those bunnies. Multiplayer is fantastic too, for the most part. Taking turns is kinda weak, but whatever. Trauma Center: Second Opinion is like the best launch title ever, even if it is an upgraded port. It’s so much of a relief to be able to actually progress in the game. It’s a bit disheartening to have to play on easy, but hey, it’s an incredibly hard game. More later.

*Not really.

I can’t sleep at night

Happy Playstation 3 day, everyone. I still think it’s a big waste of money, but if you wanted one, I hope you get it. To each his own, I guess.

Only two more days until Wii, and I can finally sleep again. Assuming I get one. With all this talk of limited shipments and sold-out preorders, my fears are plateauing right about now. It’s like some sort of horrible, twisted Christmas, where if you can’t run fast enough, Santa won’t visit your house. Or a better metaphor than that. I’ve gotten very little sleep over the last week, so my writing ability is even worse than usual. I’d ask them to put one aside for me at work, but I overheard they’ve sold out of pre-orders, and I don’t want to look like a dumbass for missing the reservation boat. Well, that’s my punishment for not getting off my ass and pre-ordering it six months ago like a younger, more fanatical me would have. I guess I just have to rely on the city’s population to be as anti-Nintendo as I imagine them to be. I know a healthy portion of my friends have jumped on the Wii bandwagon, but I’ll assume hope sacrifice virgin maidens pray that everyone who’s going to be camping is camping for a PS3 as I type.

On a lighter note, I’m already almost done typing up the inevitable “10 Best Games of 2006” article. It won’t be posted until January, but I’ll tell you now that it’s going to disappoint your ass. Also, there’s quite a bombshell announcment tucked in there which will probably lower your opinion of me even more than the list of games I chose will. Froth with anticipation!

EDIT (5:22AM): I just noticed that Planet GameCube has gone through their much-talked-about change and is now the swanky NintendoWorldReport. A little disorienting at first, but overall I like it.

Push push

I got an e-mail today informing me that CausticTruths.com has added me to their links. Their many thousands of links. I’m slightly confused by it all, considering it’s the website for a metal magazine, but hey, I guess it’s kind of neat.

On a slightly more exciting note, I only have to suffer thorugh four more days of a Wii-less existence. To celebrate, a link to IGN’s superb Wii Launch Guide. While its not all up yet, there’s still more than enough info for those of you who need it before making a decision. Or maybe you’re just really excitied about the Wii and want to read more about it.

Super Princess Peach – A review

If you look at my past video game reviews, you’re well aware that I’m a man who likes to play only the manliest of manly video games. So obviously I wasn’t gonna go out and buy any of that Super Princess Peach nonsense, no matter how many positive reviews I read, and no matter how much pressure Nintendo put on me to buy it. It’s just not my style.

(Un?)forutunatley, once while I was out with a bunch of friends, I mentioned that while I would never buy the game myself, if it did manage to find its way into my posession I would play it. So a couple of those friends took it upon themselves to go and buy me the game for my birthday as a gag gift. Now, I’m something of a penny-pincher when it comes to spending money on others, so a $40 gag gift seems like a lot to me, even if split between two people. So now that I do own the game, I had to play it. After all, I’m a man of my word if nothing else.

So as I mentioned above, I had read a handful of good reviews of Super Princess Peach, so I wasn’t terribly afraid of what would await me in the game. I was a little disgusted by the fact that it’s a game clearly built and marketed for 12-year-old girls, and therefore drenched in pink and cuddlines. But then again, it wouldn’t be the first game I’ve played that suffers from that particular affliction.

Alright, all that intro-esque crap aside, let’s take a look at what this game’s all about. In true handheld Mario fashion, you start by picking a warp pipe as your save file, and are greeted by a (rather leenghty) intro scene. It gives a few details of the game’s setting, Vibe Island, and how Bowser has set up a vacation home there. He manages to unearth a treasure called the Vibe Scepter, which allows the holder to toy with people’s emotions. With it, he has Mario, Luigi, and a boatload of Toads captured. Meanwhile, Princess Peach is enjoying a leisurely stoll with Toadsworth, and when they return to see the mess left behind, Peach immdediately sets out to save Mario, the Toads, and that green guy.

Before Peach gets on her way, Toadsworth presents her with a parasol he picked up from a dirty peddler. And surprise, surprise, the parasol can talk. And his name is Perry. Wow. they could have put at least a little thought into his name, rather than just playing the super-obvious pun. to top it all off, Perry is apparently extremely knowledgeable about Vibe Island, which kind of helps to explain the conveniently placed hint blocks (just like the ones in Yoshi’s Island, but without the charming doodles).

The game is laid out like pretty much every Nintendo platformer out there. Which is to say, it starts with the nice, quiet plains area, which serves as a training ground for the basic game mechanics. Then as you progress you see all the cliché game areas, including the forest, the haunted house, the volcano, and the seaside. I’m not really complaining about that, because that’s exactly what I expect from this kind of game, but it would be nice to see at least one somewhat original area.

Gameplay is pretty simple. You run about, jumping over platforms and smacking around enemies with Perry. There are also plenty things to collect along the way, obviously. What separates Super Princess Peach from the rest is her Emotion Powers. They’re probably not really called that, but I don’t care enough to check, and that’s probably close enough. What they do, is you’ve got five emotions, all with their own abilities and whatnot. Firstly, you’ve got your normal state. You could say it doesn’t count as an emotion, but I’ll do my best to ignore you and your annoying voice. The other four are used by tapping one of the four hearts on the touch screen.

The red heart initates Rage, which makes Peach stomp about like a three-year-old having a temper tantrum, and encases her in a ball of fire. Obviously, it’s good for burning things up and killing the more durable enemies. It also helps with pressing switches and other things that need a good stomp. The yellow heart will send Peach into Joy-town, making her swirl around in a nigh-impenetrable tornado. Enemies will be blown away, and it can also spin things like windmills. Flying is also possible while Peach is Happy, so it pretty much goes wihtout saying that Joy is the most useful emotion. The green heart will make Peach Calm, which restores the life gauge at an alarmingly slow rate. I guess it’s fair enough though, since giving you a recovery ability at all is a little cheap. The last heart, the blue one, makes Peach Sad. While Sad, she’ll run around at double speed, which helps cross falling platforms. She also acts like a huge water fountain, her tears able to spin waterwheels and grow sprouts into huge beanstalks.

All of the emotions in the previous paragraph are fueled by the Vibe Gauge. Using Joy to fly will sap it the quickest, while Clam will drain it pretty fast as well. The easiest way to replenish this gauge is to pick up the various blue crystals which are pretty much all over the place. The other way is a little more… sadistic. Peach can pick up enemies with Perry and toss them around much like Wario could in his side-scrollers, but there’s more to this than just tossing bodies around. If you need a quick Vibe gauge refill, you can have Perry swallow any held enemies whole! I still find it entertaining to watch goombas get muched up one by one.

So Peach is clearly on some sort emotional rollercoaster here. Would it be inappropriate to make some kind of period joke? Distasteful perhaps, but when have I ever cared for taste before? So… Frankly I’m quite frightened that Peach’s period lasts the duration of the game. Having to deal with that kind of thing three or so days a month is bad enough, but I’m going to go ahead and assume that this littel adventure takes many, many days. Possibly even a fortnight. Makes you wonder why Mario keeps saving her. Or why Boswer keeps kidnapping her. Oh! Wait! Since you’re the one changing her mood, does that mean you’re playing as her period? What is Nintendo trying to get at here?

Ugh. I kind of wish I could take that back. I mean, thanks to the miracle of technology that is the backspace key, in theory I could. But it’s not going to be happening. Why? I unno.

Moving on, the graphics in yonder game are pretty good. They’re kind of on the line between the wackiness of the Mario & Luigi style and the cute, vibrant Yoshi’s Island style. Sadly, there aren’t any fancy-pants 3D effects, but it’s okay. The colourful worlds and baby’s-bottom smooth animations are more than enough to suffice. One nice little touch is that depending on your DS’ internal clock, the title screen can be at day or night. It’s not much, but I like little things like that. I was going to make another really unsavory joke here, but it’s too much for even me to write. Just the word period, outside of its grammatical context, is enough to give me the willies.

Sound is a mixed bag. While it’s passable and up to par with whatever it’s supposed to be measured against, it’s just not memorable at all. not once after playing the game did I catch myself humming a tune. It might have been because I mostly played the game early in the morning, and my brin isn’t on enough to register music that early, but there’s no way around it. The music is forgettable. Sound effects are Nintendo standard. There’s nothing overly offensive, but no really great menu selection sounds either. And menu seletion sounds are what make or break a game. On the upside of it all, Peach has far fewer voice samples than Mario and Link do, so that’s one less annoyance to worry about. Or at least I didn’t notice them, because her voice is so high pitched that only dogs can hear it. My dgs weren’t barking at the game either, so I think we’re okay.

I really don’t know what else to say. Suffice to say, I’ve gotten really bored with reviewing games. I think I’m evn repeating my greivances about repeating myself now. And that’s pretty damn bad. Well, I can at least guarantee this is going to be the only article or anyhitng I ever write with period jokes.

I find it sad that I’m no longer ever trying to hide the filler junk within paragraphs of semi-pertinent stuff.

It hit me around the time that I got to world 3 that playing Super Princess Peach was a very déja vu experience. And while it ook a while to figure it out, I did come to a conclusion: Super Princess Peach is the girl version of Wario Land. Seriously. the only difference is that Wario Land is one of the greatest serieses to ever grace the handheld realm of gamienessness. Yeah whatever. The point is, it’s got all the same elements: long and well-designed levels, temporary powers, lots of secrets and alternate routes, and not-overly-difficult gameplay. While they are similar in nature, SPP still can’t quite match up the the greatness of Wario Land. I mean, Wario Land 2 is (in my opinion at least) the second best original/colour GameBoy game ever released (next to Pokémn Blue), so that’s quite a bit to live up to.

I forget if I’ve mentioned it already, but Super Princess Peach is really really easy. To quote Planet GameCube‘s Jonathan Metts, “La Femme Peach and her poison-tipped umbrella take on Bowser’s army of whistling forest animals. It’s not much of a fight.” I mean, it’s not like I finished the game without dying or anything, but you don’t have any lives, and when you do die, you just get put back at the entrance to the screen you were on. The game even allows you to buy upgrades for your heart meter, and I finished it without buying any, so yeah. The only time you really need to worry about dying is at bosses, because then you have to start the fight all over. It’s still no problem though.

In addition to hearts, you can also buy Vibe Gauge extensions, mini-games, music tracks, and all sorts of other crap. In the end though, you only get a small assortment of goodies at the shop. The rest are all scattered throughout the various stages. You even have to go through each level again once you’ve finished the game, because they’ve all been relpenished with more junk. Top that off with extra stages in each world during the second playthrough, and you’ve got a pretty long game. Easy, but long. So I guess it balances itself out somewhat. Finishing every stage and collecting every item will yield a rather useless prize, an unlimited Vibe Gauge. Wow. Totally not worth it if you’re doing it for the prize rather than the satisfaction of 100% completion.

In the end, I suppose Super Princess Peach is a decent game. It’s relatively fun, and it’s certainly got the Mario platformer charm. It’s just not something you’re going to be playing over and over again. Hell, I just barely made it through the second time. I guess the best thing that could possibly come out of it is that Peach might get a better moveset in Super Smash Bros Brawl. Other than that, my impressions of Super Princess Peach are pretty meh. B+, because I’m a generous guy.