I’ll be a rock star

I wrote 2000+ words about Catherine yesterday. I’ll post it tomorrow. You’re probably getting sick of hearing about it by now, so let’s talk about something else today, shall we?

I’ve been listening to Lady Gaga’s (is the second G capitalized?) Born This Way for a couple days now, and I’ve gotta say that I’m not sure how I feel about it. No, actually that’s a lie. In most cases, I’m sure I’d enjoy it much more if the vocal track were muted. It’s not that I have a problem with her voice or anything, but a lot of the vocals are filler that I find extremely annoying.

A lot of it has to do with that fact that it’s so damned repetitive. Seriously, and I say this to all songwriters out there, a chorus is not repeating the title of the song over and over. That doesn’t pass for the second half of the song either. I’m pretty sure the last two minutes of “The Edge of Glory” is just her saying “the edge the edge the edge” over and over until the song cuts out. This is bad writing any way you split it. You don’t see Stephen King describing the same tree over and over for five chapters. Maybe writing a short story/novel and a song are a little different, but the principle is the same: if it’s such obvious filler, you should probably cut it out. There’s nothing wrong with having an instrumental section in your song. I feel it actually adds to a song.

Another thing I need to vent about is the stuttering and nonsense words. I like “Judas” well enough, but the jibber-jabber that permeates the beginning and half the chorus annoys the crap out of me. You did this with “Bad Romance” already, and it hasn’t gotten any less annoying since then. Again, why all this filler? If you can’t write words to put there, just let your music carry itself. It’s good! Like I said, without lyrics I’d think this is a fantastic techno-pop album. All I see here is that either Gaga has no faith in the quality of the actual music, or she just can’t get enough of her own voice. Lazily slapping in all these nonsense vocals and needless repetition makes it seem like children’s music. If it weren’t so full of hookers and “blonde souths,” this would be a great album for the “under 3” demographic.

Speaking of which, Ms. Gaga seems to be writing explicit lyrics simply for shock value. “Government Hooker” is the best example for this. The song is barely about a hooker to begin with, with absolutely nothing in the song to justify the “government” part. Okay, she says “John F. Kennedy” once, but that would make the song “zombie hooker” or at worst, “corpse hooker.” And let’s be honest here, at that point it could just be rebranded to necrophiliac. Because dead people don’t pay for sex. And again, I think the word “hooker” counts for at least 80% of the total lyrics. Yeesh.

All little quibbles aside, I do still enjoy listening to Born This Way if I don’t stop to think about it. “Hair” and “Highway Unicorn” are my favourite tracks so far. Though “You and I” gets the runner-up prize. I can’t stand straight-up country music, but oddly enough I really like when other genres are influenced by country. Also: Brian May plays guitar on it. That makes it instantly awesome.

Oh yeah, and the cover is totally bad-ass. Even a little scary.

Each must know his part

It’s over. I completed Catherine, and I got the “true lover” ending. The last stage was looooong though. Six floors! Crazy! I kind of wonder if the game is shorter if you go for other endings though, because the last two stages were brought on as direct consequences to the decisions I’d made during the course of the game. I kinda wouldn’t mind if it ended at Stage 7 if you’re headed toward the opposite ending (my current goal).

Also, this game makes use of the word “radii.” I think that’s just swell.

Completing the game seems to have unlocked a two-player mode. It’s local mulitplayer too, which is fantastic. Too many Xbox games force you to play multiplayer online, and therefore I cannot enjoy some games with others, like Crackdown, Castlevania: Harmony of Despair. It’s especially egregious in Castlevania HD, in which there really is no reason not to have local multiplayer. But I’ll leave that rant for another day.

In Catherine, on the other hand, I don’t see cooperative multiplayer working really well. Sure, most of the time it should be okay, but even in single-player there were more than a handful of instances where I fell from a height and couldn’t get back up because in creating a path to go up I had managed to destroy or otherwise block the path below me (follow?). So you’d have to not only work your way to the top, but make sure that the path persists for your buddy. That or one person sticks right behind the other, which would be missing the point completely. Or make separate paths. Where’s the teamwork in that though?

In one stage of the main game, you have an NPC that has to get to the top with you, and it took me many, many tries to finish it. Sometimes it was because -like I said before- I accidentally removed the path below me in continuing my ascent, and the slower AI player got stuck below. Other times it was because the AI is completely retarded and would not climb around to the other side of a block. Its pathfinding isn’t even that bad, it just refuses to shimmy around a block to get to a place where it can ascend. Fortunately the stage was only medium-length and a single floor, but it’s still the main reason why I’m not convinced that cooperative multiplayer is a good idea.

There’s also a competitive mode, which makes a lot more sense. Haven’t tried it yet, but it looks like a race where the players climb parallel towers. It seems like fun, and if you can cross over to your opponent’s tower and mess them up, all the better. I just wonder if it emphasizes speed over puzzles.

Looking back, I could/should probably have waited and complied all my thoughts on Catherine into an article. Maybe I still will. There’s plenty more I can add in there. It just feels like a missed opportunity.

Everybody’s got their dues in life to pay

So Catherine never ends, apparently. I mean, twice now I assumed it was over, but got faked out at the last minute. I would like to say that I’ll be wrapping it up tonight, but it might just be another pretend ending. A pretending?

Not that I’m complaining, mind you. The last few levels have been some of the most fun in the game, hitting that sweet spot between too easy and too hard. I might even say “just right,” to appropriate the adjective of a certain someone.

The story went in a totally unexpected direction though. Given that the game is a sort of spiritual cousin to the Shin Megami Tensei series, I suppose I should have seen the eleventh-hour twist coming. The game also goes the extra mile to call itself a “romantic horror,” and video games have some pretty strict rules about requirements for a game to be considered “horror.” I just thought Catherine would be different. Oh well. It’s still a great game, it just has an unfortunately silly twist.

Also, I’ve been spending little bits of time here and there with MegaMan 9, because I’ve never finished it and that’s not a game I can live with having on my pile of shame. It’s a really tough game, and while I have made progress (was previously stuck on Wily 1, now stuck on Wily 3) I feel like I’m not really learning the game, but coasting through on blind luck. I’ve been experimenting with using special weapons outside of boss fights, and it’s definitely helped my game, so I’m thinking I’ve been doing it wrong up to this point. Normally in MegaMan games I just roll through with the buster and use weapons to polish off bosses quickly. MM9 was a very rude awakening.

Is it so wrong to want a handheld version though? I’mma have to go see what that PSN thing thinks about that…

It’s time to stop running

I’m very proud of myself. I began playing Darksiders last week, and finished it yesterday. I rarely finish games at all these days, nevermind in the span of a week. Being on vacation definitely helped me along, but I’m still pretty amazed. There’s still the little matter of finishing the game on “Apocalyptic” difficulty for those last two cheevos, but we’ll take that at a slower pace.

I’m pretty sure that since the game has been out for basically forever now, everything has already been said about Darksiders. I really don’t have much to add to the collective opinion that it’s a Legend of Zelda game with God of War combat sensibilities. Which is a good thing. I was dreadfully bored with God of War, but the combat system works well in a game with more interesting non-combat. The story takes itself way too seriously and is mostly uninteresting, but is a good enough reason to beat up a bunch of demons (and angels, occasionally) and trek through puzzle dungeons. Fortunately, said story was clearly never the point of the game and most cutscenes are skippable. Yay!

The one thing I did really like is that while most of the combat stuff is lifted wholesale from God of War, quicktime events are nonexistent. Yes, you get a little “B” pop-up to inform you when you can perform a finishing move, but that’s it. No stick twirling or button-matching to be found. Also, starting the game on hard with the super armor (a carry-over bonus from my completed file, I guess?) pretty much breaks the balance of the game. Not that I’m complaining. Having an advantage that lets me breeze through my second playthrough is always fun.

Also, I started Catherine yesterday afternoon, and proceeded to play it for seven hours straight. I don’t think I’ve enjoyed such a long gaming session since Twilight Princess. Not that it was my choice or anything. Catherine really hooked me. It was like a good book, where I just could not put it down, even though I tried. I’m pretty sure I’m on the cusp of finishing the story, but I know that I’ll be hitting this one again right away.

The game is mostly talkies and has plenty of cutscenes, but the story is so engrossing that I don’t mind at all. It’s not packed with silly fluff like Metal Gear Solid games. It’s a great tale about growing up, taking responsibility, and dealing with change. Or, perhaps, none of that if you play to the “bad” side. There’s a sort of morality meter there, which pings up and down as you make choices. The game asks you to choose the answer that applies best to you, rather than the one you think is correct. It’s not always easy to tell which answer will drive the meter which way, and so far I’ve been leaning only a little towards the side of “good.” The really cool thing is that if you’re connected to Live, it’ll show a pie graph of the answers other players chose on their first play. Not a real feature, per se, but a neat little widget no less.

Climbing up the block towers is getting considerably harder with each stage (duh), and apparently I’m not great at this kind of puzzle. I’m playing on Easy mode too, which makes it all the more embarrassing. But the boss levels are super fun! The puzzle difficulty is scaled down a bit, but you’ve always got a giant monster chomping at your heels, which keeps the tension high. I think they’re easily the best the game has to offer, though hopefully I get a bit better at the puzzle stages when I bump up to normal.

Another year is gone so fast

I’ve been to the dentist three times in the last month or so, and I’ve come to the conclusion that they use dental floss made of tiny razor blades there. I’ve gotten into the habit of flossing (almost) every night, and yeah it hurt a bit at first, but now I feel no pain when I floss. My gums don’t even bleed anymore. I’m used to it. But at the dentist’s office? Hurts like a bitch.

In other news, the iPhone’s camera takes way too long to initialize. I was downloading the Virtual Console version of Final Fantasy III yesterday, and the most amazing thing happened. I tried to take a video of it, but by the time my phone’s camera started up it was over.

So normally when you download something from the Wii Shop, Mario will run laps across the screen collecting coins. Sometimes he will be Firey Mario and you can press A to shoot fireballs. Occasionally Luigi will run across instead. But yesterday, Mario and Luigi swam across the screen. In the five years I’ve owned the console, I have never seen this happen, and I’ve sunk way more money than I’d like to admit into Virtual Console and WiiWare downloads. Even my youngest brother hasn’t ever seen this, and he’s probably used the shop as much as -if not more than- me.

So yeah, I wanted at least a picture of it, but the stupid iPhone is stupid and can’t take spontaneous pictures.

This is where we’re meant to be

My goodness, it’s been a while since I posted an image here. That big wall of text is all well and good, but best to make sure there’s some pretty pictures in there the keep the dumber visitors happy. How about one that I made all by myself?

I may not have mentioned it, I really can’t be bothered to remember, but there’s currently a weight loss contest going on in my workspace. It’s been so gracefully dubbed “Fattypalooza” and I’ve been more interested in funny situations that arise from it than actually getting the weight off. Remember the cheesecake I told you about two posts ago? That’s this one here.

Also, referencing Pokémon makes everything better.

It all comes down to you

Remember how a couple weeks ago I was asking for a new website to read? Found one!. Guess I should have thought to look at blogs from other Talking Time patrons, but I guess sometimes the most obvious solution is the last one you’ll think of. Whatever. I have reading for a couple weeks now.

I’ve noticed that there’s one big downside for adults reading other gamers’ blogs: they write about all the stuff they like about games you’ve never played, and that makes you want to play those games. I barely have time to play the games that I choose for myself, nevermind the games other people are telling me are awesome.

Anyway, I think that for me the real selling point here is the artwork as opposed to the blogging. The words are a timesink, and nothing more. But Loki’s done a bunch of cartoony stuff for Talking Time and GameSpite, which is all so great. I’m loving all the other artwork he’s done that’s posted in his blog just as much. Almost makes me want to get back into comicing.

To be honest, I do have an idea and rough scripts for a short short short comic series. Maybe I’ll do that while I’m on vacation next week…

Really, really fat

It’s potluck day at work. I’ve already eaten enough perogies and veggies that I’m surprised my co-workers don’t have to roll me around. I’m trying to lose weight for the wedding, and going back for more would be very counter-productive to that cause.

But there is a cheesecake in the lunch room.

It beckons me. I can hear it calling; its sweet, gooey voice echoing in my mind.

I don’t know how much longer I can resist…

Itchy. Tasty.

Earthbound

Do you like Earthbound? If you answered no, it’s because you haven’t played it.

It seems that the big thing about Earthbound is that everybody loves it for different reasons, and more often than not, they’re all little personal things. I’ve read a host of Earthbound-related stuff this week, and I recommend checking out at least Talking Tyrant Loki‘s take on it. It’s the shortest of the three links I’m posting here, and probably the easiest to swallow. Another one from a website I’ve never read before called Critical Distance gives you a sort of play-by-play of a handful of other people’s EB-related musings. The last, an absolutely mammoth review by Tim Rogers really digs into the game. It’s a long read, and it’s incredibly deep. If you don’t want to experience Earthbound after reading this, nothing will sway you.

Me, I think the thing that draws me most to Earthbound is the music. Ever since the first time I played it, the Onett theme has stuck with me. I whistle it pretty consistently, and usually when I go for a walk on a quiet day (sans iPod) I find the Twoson theme playing in my head.

More than anything, the little scene you get when waking up in a hotel and the accompanying melody are permanently ingrained on my soul. Most people miss it because you wake up and leave the room to get back to the quest, but there’s a piece of music that plays after the “good morning” melody that I’m sure is exclusive to the room after waking. Once you leave the room, it switches back to regular ol’ hotel music. I think. It’s been almost a year since I played the game, so the details are a little fuzzy.

The point is, that that one tiny moment -those ten second between when the screen fades after talking to the hotel clerk and leaving your room- makes me feel an overwhelming sense of serenity. In other RPGs, waking up after a hotel stay produces a chime and then it’s back to business. Earthbound perfectly captures that one feeling that we all get occasionally in the morning, when you wake up and everything feels absolutely perfect for a few fleeting seconds.

The little melody. The music that comes afterwards. The chirping of the birds in the background. This minor instance that is a throwaway moment in any other game has had a deeper and more lasting impact on me than any other element of any game that I can think of. You may read this, having never played the game, and think I’m nuts. Maybe you have played it, but didn’t get the same sensation. But this affected me. I can’t even describe how it works in my head. Anytime I stay at a hotel in real life, this scene invariably invades my mind.

There’s a scene in the game where you stay in a haunted hotel, and the whole process is similar, but twisted. That was when I truly realized that things were really amiss, despite the fact that the town was overrun with zombies and smelly trash can ghosts. It was emotionally distressing, to say the least.

All that, and I haven’t even gotten around to the Sound Stone Melody (called “Smiles and Tears,” apparently). This is the first song that I can remember which evoked a strong emotional response in me, and remains one of two songs and the only instrumental piece that has ever brought tears to my eyes on the merits of the music alone, the other being Queen’s “Save Me.” But while the latter brought about its response through a genuine expression of despair and loneliness, the Sound Stone Melody has a more ineffable quality to it. I don’t know how it manages to grip my consciousness so tightly, but it does. It’s one of my favourite pieces of music, and it really is beautiful.

The main quest of Earthbound is to assemble the pieces of this melody. Yes, it’s to help defeat an evil alien, but that’s besides the point. You travel the world, to these sacred places that really aren’t so extraordinary on their own. At each one, you acquire the next few bars of the tune. Once you’ve assembled them all and listen to the entire piece, you cannot help but be overcome by a wave of nostalgia, remembering all of these places, and everything you experienced on the way there. Maybe it was just a silly quest in a silly video game, but now it’s a part of you too, and that melody will bring all those feelings and memories back every time you listen to it. I used to sit on the Sound Stone screen and listen to the melody -even when incomplete- over and over, because it brought with it the absolute strangest feeling I’d ever experienced. It was like the greatest happiness and the deepest sorrow wrapped into one short, simple melody.

So yeah, Earthbound is pretty deep. I recommend playing immersing yourself in it as soon as possible. And don’t just get to the end. Walk around. Explore the world. Let it and all of its little details wash into you. Though given that everyone who writes about Earthbound in this way played it in their developmental years and is now waxing nostalgic about it, I’m not sure if an adult could properly appreciate the game. All I can say for sure is that I played plenty of video games in my youth, and none of them evoke that same warm feeling in my chest that Earthbound does.