Star Wars Binge Week 2020: Return of the Jedi

After yesterday’s… diversion… I will in fact be writing a post about Star Wars. Rest assured that just as expected, I still think that The Empire Strikes Back is a fantastic movie, and it remains my favourite of the saga. Return of the Jedi and A New Hope have constantly jockeyed back and forth for the coveted second-place spot, and having now watched them back-to-back… I’d still have a hard time showing a strong preference for one over the other. I actually don’t hate the Ewoks, so they don’t automatically bring Jedi down to third place like they do for so many others.

But enough about that, it’s time to pivot over to something slightly different.

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Star Wars Binge Week 2020: The Empire Strikes Back

This morning I woke up with the expectation that today would be an incredible day. I watched the Pokémon Presents video that was posted and became unreasonably hyped about the announcement of New Pokémon Snap. Afterwards, I went out for a run around the block, and came back in for a short Ring Fit Adventure session. After showering off, I prepared breakfast and sat down with great excitement to watch The Empire Strikes Back, my favourite Star Wars movie.

Then I picked up my phone and everything went sideways.

(A word of warning, the rest of this post is not about Star Wars. Something much more important came up.)

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Star Wars Binge Week 2020: A New Hope

I’ll be honest: I’m way too close to the original Star Wars trilogy of films to be able to properly examine them with a critical eye. I have a huge bias for them because these are three of my favourite movies of all time, and I’ve watched all three of them more times than I can count. Plus, I don’t think that my ” bulleted list of random musings” format really works as well with something I’m so familiar with. It’s really better suited to media that I’m either experiencing for the first time, or for the first time in about a decade (or more).

So rather than that, I’m going to… do something a little more personal.

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Star Wars Binge Week 2020: Revenge of the Sith

When Revenge of the Sith first came out, I remember being awestruck by it. I saw it three times in the theatre and I played all the video games. I was delighted by the conclusion to the Star Wars prequel trilogy. And yet, I question whether that impression will hold up. Revenge of the Sith is the only one of the three that I’ve not fallen asleep to every time I’ve tried to watch the blu-ray (prior to this week of course), and yet I cannot name a single thing that I really like about it outside of the opening shot where we pan over the side of a Star Destroyer to see an epic space battle. We all know that a single impressive shot is not enough to hold up an entire film. So I guess we may as well just go ahead and get started…

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Star Wars Binge Week 2020: Attack of the Clones

Alright, so yesterday I walked away from The Phantom Menace with a sense of mild appreciation for the film. But that one was backed by some pretty strong nostalgia. The next chapter in the Star Wars saga, Attack of the Clones, had considerably less hype surrounding it, and made almost no impression on me, as I couldn’t even remember what it was about. I vaguely recalled a few key scenes, but overall this movie might actually have been my least appreciated Star Wars. Will today’s viewing change that? Let’s get into my list of random thoughts and see!

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Star Wars Binge Week 2020: The Phantom Menace

Afternoon, all. Ol’ Ryan is on vacation this week, and a curious thought struck me just last Wendesday: I have nine days off before work resumes, and there are nine movies in the core Star Wars saga. So why not spend this week binging my way through them all? And of course, it would make sense to record my thoughts throughout this retrospective because… well, I have a blog, and what else am I going to do with it?

So with that said, let’s go ahead and dive into all the random thoughts that I had while watching Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace this morning. (Random thoughts are mostly in chronological order.)

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How Can One Be Bored?

Over the last month and change, people all over the world have been self-isolating and/or forced to stay in their homes to stem the tide of the coronavirus. Along with that came torrents of social media post proclaiming how bored people were now that they were confined to their homes.

To that I say… how?

I genuinely don’t understand. Last week I was on vacation, and like most, I spent almost all of that free time at home. However, I had so much going on to keep me busy that I didn’t even make time to write up any blog posts. There are dozens of other things on my to-do list that remain undone, because even when you aren’t losing a third of your day to work, there just isn’t enough time.

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The 13th, on a Friday!

It wasn’t until just today that it occurred to me, that of the 11 Friday the 13th films, not one of them is set at Christmastime. And while that’s fine, it seems like a missed opportunity. Doing the usual thing, but with a holiday theme, would be a easy sequel gimmick.

So I just picked one randomly to watch tonight, and ended up going with part 9: Jason Goes to Hell. Well, maybe not entirely randomly. I partly chose this one because it’s my least-watched entry in the series. I’m reasonably sure I’ve only seen it the one time. Twice at the very most.

There are lots of things to say about Jason Goes to Hell, but the important one is that it’s probably the most creative sequel of the bunch, narratively (I’d listen to arguments in favour of Part 5, though). This film posits that Jason is not, in fact, an immortal zombie who is back again, but rather a demonic being that can hop between bodies as necessary. They don’t use the body-hopping conceit as effectively as they could have (there’s never even an attempt at hiding Jason’s identity), but at least it gives a slightly less flimsy excuse than usual as to why he’s always back again.

The film kicks off in an unorthodox fashion, with the FBI trapping and exploding Jason into itty-bitty giblets. This is interesting, because it goes against the tried-and-true horror trope of nobody but the protagonist believing that the monster is real. This suggests that Jason’s rampage in the previous film (Jason Takes Manhattan) was severe and public enough that the government was forced to acknowledge it and take action. And I find that fascinating. Because I love overthinking silly horror movie plots.

Then it goes into some voodoo malarkey about how Jason had a secret sister, and that only someone from his bloodline can kill him for real. And now that the audience knows this, Jason does a hard pivot after a decade of random murder and starts homing in on his sister and niece. It’s also noteworthy that Jason has never been quite this smart before, as he uses his new body-snatching ability to strategically get himself close to his prey without drawing too much attention.

The body-swap is also very bad news for whoever is on the recieving end. Getting posessed by a murder-zombie is bad enough, but when he moves into a new person, the previous host regains consciousness for a minute before slowly and painfully melting into a puddle of goop. But it should be no surprise thag having an evil spirit take up temporary residence inside you will take a real toll on your body.

Anyway, Jason Goes to Hell might actually be one of the best Friday the 13th films just by virtue of having an actual plot. It’s not a great plot by any metric, but it gives the characters real motivation. This in turn means that there’s more to this movie than just waiting to see what creative way Jason uses to kill the next hapless teen. This may be the only sequel in the series where the plot doesn’t just get in the way of escalating kill scenes. I was hoping to exclaim that it also has character development, but no, that doesn’t happen. The main guy has a soft arc where he learns to stop being a coward, but that’s really it.

If I have to level one complaint at Jason Goes to Hell, it’s going to be that the final scene straight up doesn’t work anymore, due to the ravages of time. At the end, our heroes walk away into the sunrise as the wind blows dust and debris over Jason’s mask – all that is left of him after he’s pulled down to Hell by a throng of It From The Pit hands (amazing scene BTW). It’s at this point that the canny horror fan will expect Jason’s hand to rise from the earth and reclaim the mask, assuring audiences that another sequel is on the way. But we get a curveball when instead it’s Freddy Krueger’s hand that emerges and pulls the mask into the ground with his signature cackle. No doubt this was a major surprise back in 1989, but now that Freddy vs Jason has happened (and how long it took to happen), there’s no shock value and you’re just left thinking about how it doesn’t make any GD sense from a lore perspective.

There actually was something else that I thought warranted criticizm, but I forgot what it was while writing the previous paragraph, so I it couldn’t have been especially bad. There’s a ridiculous scene near the end where Jason is reborn with a fresh, new… decaying zombie body… but I actually like that scene because of how stupid it is.

At the end of the day, the important thing is that I’ve gained a new appeciation for this film. I may be one of the few, though, as Jason Goes to Hell was not well-received by critics (obvi) or regular filmgoers. They called the plot incoherent and didn’t like the supernatural angle, but I think that as the ninth entry in a series with little in the way of innovation, it was a noble attempt to try to add a little freshness. Maybe they didn’t stick the landing, or a lot of what came before the landing, but I like that someone cared enough to try.

Spooktober 2019 – A.M.I.

I’ll be perfectly honest here: I will 100% judge movies by their Netflix cover image. If that little picture and the title don’t immediately appeal to me in some way, I’ll never watch it (unless someone tells me to). If it doesn’t look good, I can’t even guarantee I’ll read the summary blurb.

So then how in the heck did I end up watching A.M.I.? Mostly because I do read the descriptions for any movies that are obviously about social media or smartphones to laugh/groan at how stupid they are. But then I saw that this one is Canadian, and also it’s only 75 minutes long. This was probably going to be one of those special terrible movies.

Let me tell you, it was special all right. And I’m trying to think of a way to make fun of it for being “special” without being offensive towards mentally or physically disabled peoples, but I cannot. So let’s just move on.

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Spooktober 2019 – IT Chapter Two

To be completely honest, I went to see IT Chapter Two before the calendar rolled over to Spooktober. But you know what? I’mma count it anyway. We need more spookles on this here website. The more the better, I always say.

I was very excited to go see the first chapter of IT back when it released in 2017. I liked the original TV miniseries version, so I was very eager to see what it would look like with an inflated Hollywood budget. And you know what? I ended up quite liking the new one too! The kids were darn good actors, and I was very impressed with the monster effects. When Pennywise’s lips start to peel back and reveal those rows and rows of teeth? I love that visual. And I’m the kind of person who minimizes his use of the word “love” as much as possible.

The thing that I didn’t know going into that film is that it was only part one of two. I mean, knowing the original story, and that they didn’t show any of the characters as adults in the trailers, one could have inferred as much. But I never heard anything pre-release about a plan for a part two. So it was a happy surprise when the title card came up at the very end of the movie and we got the “Chapter One” reveal. Needless to say, I didn’t waste any time booking my tickets for the sequel.

If you have no idea what these movies are about or need a quick refresher, here’s a very basic plot summary: Children are disappearing in the town of Derry, and seven weirdo kids known as The Losers Club decide to investigate and stop it. The culprit is a clown called Pennywise (also referred to as the titular “It”), who can shapeshift to take advantage of his victim’s greatest fears. The first film ends with the Losers defeating Pennywise, and the second picks up 27 years later when It returns to start snarfing children again.

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