Yep, it’s that time again. Time to read my knee-jerk reactions to all the games that appear in Nintendo’s newest hype commercial. Let’s-a go!
Fire Emblem Engage – I like the trailer, and it looks amazing, but I just don’t really care about Fire Emblem that much. However, there’s only room for Square-Enix TRPGs in my life.
It Takes Two – Released on every other platform last year, it was a big hit, but I just can’t be bothered. It’s a co-op game, after all, and I have no co with whom to op.
Fatal Frame: Mask of the Lunar Eclipse: One day, I’ll get into the Fatal Frame series. I’ve always been very interested, but never made the time. Probably won’t happen in 2022, though. Fun Fact: My ex-wife who wasn’t really into video games had played more Fatal Frames than I have.
Xenoblade Chronicles 3 DLC – A new Hero character, challenge battle mode, and… swimsuits… of course. Dammit, Japan. *smh*
SpongeBob Squarepants: The Cosmic Shake – Sorry, don’t care.
Fitness Boxing: Fist of the North Star – It’s a Fitness Boxing game with an anime skin and more gamey features. I’ll definitely buy this, to continue my typical exercise routine of “many punches”. I don’t know the first thing about Fist of the North Star, but I’m happy to learn!
Oddballers – Party game. Not for me.
Tunic – On the surface, it looks like a cute little Zelda ripoff, but I’ve read that it’s actually got the difficulty level of Dark Souls and company, so I’ve already decided to skip it.
Front Mission remakes – Remember when I said that there’s only room in my life for Square-Enix TRPGs? This is exactly what I was talking about. Though I’ve never played a Front Mission, I’m definitely interested enough to give one of these a try.
Story of Seasons: A Wonderful Life – The time of my life for farming simulators is over. Plus I already put more than enough hours into this one when it originally released on GameCube.
Splatoon 3 – I haven’t bought Splatoon 3 yet (and I don’t know for sure that I will), so I’m not too interested in this Splatfest announcement. Or the free updates or whatever. I kinda zoned out here.
Octopath Traveler II – Shoot! I really need to finish the first one! It’s really good, and this sequel looks like it’ll be just as great, if not better! My only hope is that the characters’ stories connect a little bit more this time around.
Fae Farm – Tim I said no farming sims!
Theatrhythm Final Bar Line – Oh heck yes! Square-Enix is really winning this Direct… Theatrhythm is easily one of my favourite rhythm games. And they’re definitely getting my money for all that DLC music…
Mario + Rabbids: Sparks of Hope – Another one where I really need to finish the first game. This sequel looks amazing, and adding Bowser as a playable character is pretty much all you need to do to get me on board. Which I write as if I weren’t totally on board already. (And I guess this is the exception to my Square-Enix only TRPG rule.)
Rune Factory 3 Special – NO. FARMING. SIMS.
Nintendo 64 Online – Nothing overly exciting in this bunch. Oh, except for GOLDENEYE.
Various Daylife – This seems neat, and it’s out today!? Will have to conduct more research.
Factorio – If you close your eyes and just listen to the trailer, it sounds like Subnautica except not under water – which is very much appealing to me! But then you look at the gameplay footage and it’s like… *sad fart*
Ib – You know, I just don’t feel these RPG Maker horror games. And rest assured, I’ve tried!
Mario Strikers: Battle League – Free content update announcement for a game I haven’t bought.
Atelier Ryza 3: Alchemist of the End & the Secret Key – I’ve never been too interested in the Atelier series until Ryza, but I also haven’t played either of the first two games. Maybe someday, but probably not!
Mario Kart 8 Deluxe – More DLC for a game I haven’t purchased.
Nintendo Switch Sports – Ooh! They’re adding golf! Perhaps I will request this as an Xmas gift.
Pikmin Bloom – The Pikmin version of Pokémon Go that released last year and nobody’s playing, so I guess Nintendo felt it was important to remind people that it exists?
Pikmin 4 – It’s about damn time! Well, next year will be about damn time, I suppose.
Just Dance 2023 – No.
Harvestella – Another farming sim!?!? But this one looks good!?!?
Bayonetta 3 – This looks so cool, but I just can’t handle these crazy-difficult action games. Bayonetta is definitely a “watch a let’s play” kind of franchise for me.
Master Detective Archives: Raincode – Looks sick, but I have a feeling that I’ll never end up playing it. Though I have been looking for another good detective game ever since I finished The Sinking City…
Resident Evil Village – It’s nice that Switch players will finally be able to play this via the cloud, but I’ve made my peace with my Playstations being where I get my RE fix.
Sifu – It’s got an interesting spin on the outdated “lives” mechanic, but I don’t think that’s quite enough for me to really care since the rest is kind of blah.
Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII: Reunion – I cannot wait to play this! It always seemed ridiculous that Square-Enix never put it on the PSP’s digital games store. Why I never simply bought the UMD, I cannot tell you.
Radiant Silvergun – Don’t need a new shmup, thank you. I still haven’t played that copy of Ikaruga that I bought like four years ago.
Endless Dungeon – The title alone tells me that I need not bother. I have no patience for roguelikes.
Tales of Symphonia Remastered – Ooh! My favourite game of 2004 returns! But do I really need to play it again? Yes, probably. Mostly to find out if I’ll still like it as much as 18-year-old Ryan did.
Sizzle reel – There wasn’t much for me in here, aside from some kind of SaGa remake, which vaguely interests me since I’ve played exactly 2 SaGa games and have several more on various wishlists.
Kirby’s Return to Dream Land Deluxe – This is a great Kirby game!! I don’t think that the “deluxe” features are really enough to get me to buy it again, though. My Wii is sitting right there, after all.
The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom – Release date of May 2023, some interesting snippets of new footage, and a subtitle that I’m not crazy about. Maybe it’ll grow on me?
As always, you can watch the full presentation here: