Drawing some things

You may have heard of the super-popular new iPhone game Draw Something. If not, I guess the best way to describe it would be like a casual edition of Pictionary. It’s a two-player game where you alternate drawing a thing and guesing the other person’s drawing of a thing. That’s really all there is to it, and it’s fantasticaly fun and addictive.

It’s also a very universal game. When I introducted it to her, the woman and I sat in bed playing together for roughly and hour and a half. And she still picks it up as often as I do.

In each round, you’re supplied with three random words to choose from and draw. There are no categories provided, but you’ll get a choice between an easy, medium, or hard word. Easy and normal words are usually stupid things like “worm,” “hockey” or “green.” The hard words can be downright challenging though, especially since they’re usually celebrity or character names.

The one to the right there particularly blew me away. I’ve had a few instances of “Mario” and “Koopa,” but never something as nichey as a relatively unpopular Final Fantasy hero. Oh, and Zidane is (debatably) the main character of Final Fantasy IX, just FYI.  I was really, really excited to try my hand at touch-drawing Zidane, but alas, the name showed up in a game I was playing against a girl who probably doesn’t even know what Final Fantasy is, nevermind the hero of one of the most underappreciated chapters. I could have drawn it, but I prefer to play the game so that people are able to guess what I’ve drawn. It’s more fun to keep up a long win streak.

Now imagine my disappointment when I Googled it and discovered that Zidane is also the name of an infamous soccer player. I suppose I’ll never get the opportunity to draw a chocobo now…

Shepard Fantasy XIII-2

Son of a bitch! Square-Enix is making it really hard for me to not spend my hard-earned Microsoft Points on alternate costumes for Final Fantasy XIII-2. I can safely ignore Noel, but I am finding it very hard to resist the chance to dress up Serah as Commander Shepard. Is it really worth the $3? No. Maybe if the costumes came with some stat boosts, but as it is they’re entirely cosmetic. I have to say though, every new set of DLC outfits is better than the last… The Costume GET! guy must be having a fit.

I did buy the two legacy boss coliseum packs. Omega was a piece of cake, which is totally opposite of its reputation as an FF superboss. Not that I would really know. I think the only Omega I’ve ever fought during the course of my FF career was Omega Weapon in Final Fantasy VIII, and I (through an incredible stroke of luck) owned him in about a minute flat. However long it would have taken to Aura my party, get a lucky Invincible Moon on Rinoa’s first limit break, and then go to town with Lionheart.

Ultros and Typhon were a completely different story however. I fought long and heard, but could not claim victory against the two Final Fantasy VI bosses. It wasn’t until we were already in pretty rough shape that I realized that Typhon was occasionally restoring Ultros to full health. I don’t know why it took so long because I spent the second quarter of the fight focusing on Ultros. I turned my attention back to Typhon, but at that point it was already too late and I was only able to whittle away about one million of his 3,000,000+ HPs before we bit the dust. Lesson learned: equip ribbons. Or something that prevents Daze.

Mmmm, crow!

So, my complaining worked.

I spent a bunch of time putting off my slot machine duties in Final Fantasy XIII-2 last weekend, and then when I finally went back I hit it big in roughly ten minutes. It took a while to get my first triple-9 (250 coins) and Victory Mode, but I almost immediately hit another triple-9 (500 coins) for Super Victory Mode. Only a couple spins later did the microchus line up (see above) for a massive payout of 50,000 coins; far more than the required 7,777.

Turns out slot machines aren’t that bad after all!

Gambling Fantasy XIII-2

If there’s one thing I hate about Final Fantasy XIII-2, it’s the compulsory gambling. Firstly, and easily the worst, is that you have to earn a total of 7,777 casino coins in the slot machines to earn a specific fragment (of which there are 160 in the game). This may not seem like a big deal,  but when your average winnings are generally 5 or 15 coins, it’s a task that’s going to take some time. If you’re really lucky, there are ways that the slots can pay out much larger sums, but it’s all down to stupid luck.

Padding a game with required grinding is one thing, but making you play the slots to earn your %100 is nigh unacceptable (*coughPorygoncough*). Both are tedious, but at least with grinding you can keep your nose down and get it done, and most games provide decent grinding spots for those with the drive to seek them out. With a slot machine, you could be at it for days before you get the stroke of luck you need to win. Of course, you could also hit the jackpot on your first spin, but that’s pretty unlikely. Such a quick lucky break is moot here anyway, because the most coins you can possibly win on your first spin is 500. It’s a nice start down a long road, but likely won’t make the journey that much shorter.

The slots do have a couple features that can tilt the odds in your favour. Most notably, they have “moods” that do quite literally give you better odds at a winning spin. This can be easily manipulated by leaving and entering the casino world until the machines are at their best mood. There are also two bonus modes called “Victory Mode” and “Super Victory Mode” that allow you to bet more coins each spin. You have to hit one of the two jackpot spins (triple 9’s or microchus, respectively) to enter either of these modes, so they’re rare enough to unlock in the first place, and odds are much better that they’ll time out before you can hit another jackpot.

Lastly, there is an auto-play feature that can be accessed by just holding down the left bumper, but using it actually decreases your odds of winning. So I’m kind of torn on whether it would be quicker to just manually play until I hit the 7,777 coin threshold, or to wedge LB against something, go do something else, and hope to earn 7,777 before my capital runs out. Either way, it’s a super annoying “feature” of the game, and one I do not look forward to seeing again on potential future playthroughs.

The second time the game forces you to gamble is a completely self-inflicted scenario. In fact, you have to pay for the luxury. I downloaded the Sazh quest because I thought it would be a fun adventure starring Sazh with an airship-flying minigame perhaps, and the DLC description promised me he’d join my party once I completed it. That last bit was accurate, but Sazh’s “adventure” was… less than fun.

The DLC quest plops you right back into the casino world as Sazh, and tells you in uncertain terms that you have to keep gambling until you earn a certain number of macguffins. It never elaborates on the conditions that will reward you with said macguffins, so you pretty much just have to keep gambling until the casino owner tells you you’re done. On the upside, the game does tell you that the slot machines will not earn you macguffins, so you can safely stay away from them and enjoy the better ways to gamble.

There are two table games that come with the Sazh DLC, and the first is Chronobind. It’s a game for four players, and it’s all about throwing down a card and hoping it’s the highest. It’s not an overly complex game, but the computer players are really awesome at cheating at it, so it’s really no fun at all. I must have played for an hour before I gave up. In that time, I only won two rounds, and left the table with less than half of my buy-in coins.

The other game, much to my chagrin, is poker. I don’t hate poker or anything, but after Dead Rising 2 I was pretty much ready to never play it again. As luck would have it, it’s also played by the same rules as the poker mini-game in DR2 (I have no idea what variation it is in real life), so I knew what I was doing. Another fortuitous twist is that the computer opponents I was playing against were very susceptible to bluffing, so I was able to dominate the table pretty easily. After a game and a half, I had earned enough collectible dealies to complete the quest, but I’ll never see those three hours again.

On the upside, Sazh is now in my party, and it looks like he’s going to be a pretty solid Synergist once I get him levelled up, which is something I was looking for. The real prize though, was that with my winnings from the hours of poker, I had so many casino coins that I was able to buy all the unique items from the casino and still have plenty left over. And even though it took a while to amass that much coin, it was still considerably less time than it would have taken to win it all through chocobo racing, which is the best DLC-less way to earn casino coins.

In the end, it was saving me from days of chocobo racing that made the package worth 400 Micosoft points, because I hate Chronobind and will probably never play the poker game again. I certainly would have preferred Sazh to have been a 150MSP Coliseum battle like Lightning, or better yet, free DLC. But we all know that free DLC is a very rare treat indeed, and Square-Enix is probably the last company who’ll be caught giving anything away.

Now it’s just a matter of finding a way to kick Noel out of the party so I can play the remainder of the game with Serah, Lightning and Sazh…

Pocket homage

Let’s take a break from talking about Final Fantasy and instead talk about a game that is a throwback to Final Fantasy… Sort of.

So Dragon Fantasy, at least at first, is really more a throwback to the original Dragon Warrior on NES. In fact, it’s structured almost exactly like Dragon Warrior, the biggest difference being that you cannot see the enemy’s castle from your starting point. It was kind of a big thing in Dragon Warrior, but video games on the whole generally don’t have those brilliant, subtle touches anymore. But that’s besides the point.

The quest begins with you hunting down a person of interest (DW: Princess Gwaelin, DF: woodsman) and bringing them back to the castle. Then you go on a fetch quest to collect legendary armor so that you will be strong enough to face the final boss. Each one has little differences of course, but the basic story progression is very similar.

The games are mechanically almost identical too. You’re a one-hero party that fights one enemy at a time. You level up and buy new equipment to get stronger, and are granted new spells at set levels. The spells are even all pretty much the same as in DW. The only way to have any idea what to do or where to go next is to grill every person in town and wander the world until you find new areas. The only noticeable difference is that bridges don’t denote where the random encounters get harder in Dragon Fantasy.

What sets Dragon Fantasy apart from its forebears is its sense of humour. While Dragon Warrior played it pretty straight and Final Fantasy was (probably) unintentionally goofy, Dragon Fantasy works every angle, from puns to pop-culture references to parody. A lot of the story dialogue is spent on making fun of the hero, Ogden, for being a washed-up old has-been.

 Of course, a retro-styled RPG with a sense of humour is nothing new. Breath of Death VII immediately springs to mind. Dragon Fantasy, as far as humour goes, is probably the best so far. I enjoyed Breath of Death more for its unique mechanics and genre subversions than its sense of humour.

Being that it hews so close to the Dragon Warrior template, Dragon Fantasy requires quite a bit of grinding. The only time where you probably won’t spend time walking back and forth fighting mooks is right at the end. Mostly because you won’t be able to clear the last castle in one (or even two, probably!) run, but also because the enemies there drop huge gobs of experience. Fortunately, like its major inspiration, Dragon Fantasy is pretty forgiving when it comes to death, and just puts you back at the last church you visited with all your XP and treasure intact, and your gold stash cut in half.

There are multiple quests in Dragon Fantasy, with more being added over time (free, not DLC). I’m not sure if you can choose from any right at the beginning, but once you’ve completed the first quest, you’re free to play the rest in any order you like. I’ve only just completed the initial game myself, and I was going to skip ahead to the Minecraft “homage” quest, but after watching the intro cutscene, it seems that the chapters have separate but interwoven stories that are leading into one big finale, so I decided that I’d play them in order. Then I started having flashbacks of Final Fantasy IV: The After Years.

Despite everything I’ve written here, the only thing that really matters when you consider buying Dragon Fantasy is this: do you like the original Dragon Warrior? If you do, this game will make your day. If not, I’d recommend staying far away from it.

Cheating Fantasy XIII-2

I’ve been rocking Final Fantasy XIII-2 for a while now, and I just bought the gigantic, overpriced, collector’s edition strategy guide. Yes, I’m terrible at both playing games and budgeting.

Before I started playing the game myself, I gave my youngest brother crap for playing it with the strategy guide spread open in front of hm, but now I understand why. There are a handful of new systems in the game that require careful planning to optimize, but the game doesn’t really tell you a lot about them. Chocobo racing, for instance, is better documented in-game than it is in Final Fantasy VII, but the game still leaves out the part about how to raise your chocobos to not suck out loud.

The game also tells you that if you infuse one of your monster buddies with monsters of other roles, that monster can learn special skills. The truth is that a monster must be fed other monsters of a single, specific role to learn one special ability. So here I was, feeding legions of commando monsters (developed monsters at that) to my one sentinel, when he can actually only learn Reprieve by being fed a wealth of medics. So that was a huge waste of monsters and monster growth items.

The most important thing I’ve learned from the guide, however, is that the game is structured in a way that there are no Lost Forevers. There are a handful of hidden monsters that can only be recruited once, but that’s nothing to worry about. It’s not that I feel like I’m going to need to 100% the game or anything, but it’s nice to know that I don’t have to worry about never being able to get something cool. The best part is, that this ties into one of the things I like most about the game!

Final Fantasy XIII-2 is built not on one big world, but handfuls of little worlds. Like Kingdom Hearts. In fact, sometimes while playing FFXIII-2 I feel like I’m playing a Kingdom Hearts spinoff of some sort. I blame Noel. Anyway, each world represents a certain place at a certain time. There are different time periods for each location, and you can travel through them freely once you unlock each. The game even remembers where you were standing when you left a location. If you search hard enough, you can find special items that allow you to re-lock each world, and then you can play them again as if it were the first time you traveled there.

Of course, the game isn’t entirely clear about this function, but it’s not overly useful anyway. I can’t imagine any reason to restart a world other than to seek out alternate endings. But hopping between worlds is pretty cool, especially since each has it’s own B plot, and they’re usually more interesting than the main story.

I’ve kind of lost my train of thought at this point, but I think the point I was going to make when I begun typing this is that I’ve become a pitiable wreck who can’t play without the strategy guide splayed open in front of me, for fear of missing an item, even though I’ve been assured by the game and guide that nothing is permanently missable. I wish I could put the book down, because the game was more fun when I didn’t have all the answers in front of me. The completionist in me just can’t bear to cast it aside though. I would love to shut the guide, finish the game on my own, and then start a new game with the guide showing me the optimal paths and team builds. But alas, a grownup finds it hard to finish a 60+ hour game once, never mind twice.

In any case, I loves me some FFXIII-2. That’s kinda fitting, because only three people in the world like FFXIII and I’m two of them. I really don’t understand why I’m blogging about it when there is a ton of game left for me in there… Know what? I’mma go do that now.

Lara Croft < Bears

I plugged away at Tomb Raider for a couple hours this weekend because it’s been sitting on my PSP’s memstick for ages now and I’ve barely touched it. I’m not entirely sure, but I have this gut feeling that I hate Tomb Raider.

It’s not really Tomb Raider that I hate though. The concept is fine. Indeed, I actually quite liked Tomb Raider: Legend (though not enough to complete it), but I cannot fathom how people enjoyed the older games. Moving Lara around is just such a hassle. Even back in 1996 I don’t understand how people found the awful, awful control scheme acceptable. I mean, people knowingly played this game instead of… well, anything else? I imagine that playing Tomb Raider is roughly as painful and annoying as jamming a fork into my thigh repeatedly.

Anyhow, after roughly five hours of gameplay I’ve only just completed the Lost Valley, which goes to show how much trouble I’m having here. There was a bear at one point that mauled me to death nearly a dozen times before I was able to get past him. The little dinosaurs didn’t give me too much trouble, and the T-rex didn’t even hit me, but I stopped counting how many times Lara crumpled to the ground dead because of a misstep or when she decided to walk off a cliff despite the fact that I did indeed press the jump button.

I don’t know if I’m going to be able to stick this one out, guys. I can’t imagine that the game is very long, but it’s just so bad. And not Power Glove bad. I feel like I should pack it in and go back to Final Fantasy XIII-2, which is a game that wants me to win. I like those games.

(This post is terrible because I’m overtired and pissed off at Tomb Raider.)

Skyrim’d

I have one more thing to post about Fallout 3. It should have been done early last week. Alas, Skyrim.

Like millions before me, I have been sucked up entirely into the world of Skyrim and cannot break free of its unusually strong grip. It’s a miracle that my job and relationship aren’t suffering because of it. Just sleep. But that’s okay, I’d much rather play Skyrim than sleep. It’s amazing how the hours just slip away as you’re out slaying dragons and exploring the mountains.

That said, the whole “exploration is its own reward” thing I had going on with Fallout is definitely there in Skyrim, probably even more. There are like twice as many locations to find in Skyrim as there are in the Capital Wasteland, and it seems like a lot more of them are significant. For instance, there was one cabin with a bandit inside. Boring, right? No! In the cellar, I could hear wind coming from somewhere, and as luck would have it, I found a note that mentioned some hidden goods behind a bookcase. After a little searching, I found a button that moved the bookcase, and there was way more down there than a couple bottles of wine. There was a huge, snaking cavern full of bandits. At the end of that was a short ruins area that was full of booby-traps and led to a gigantic treasure trove, full of gold, gems, and rare ores.

Then one other time, I was exploring this cave full of Falmer (cave-people), and then I got to the bottom and a giant robot attacked me! Totally did not expect that!

The one sucky thing I’ve found is that characters who will join you really don’t mind dying permanently. Like this one guy, Faendal, who joined me almost right at the beginning of the game. He was cool, and was a pretty slick shot with a bow. He got the shit kicked out of him a few times, but never gave up. So when I found him laying on the ground after a battle with some particularly tough bandits and discovered that he wasn’t going to get up, I was sad. I also got a stray dog and some random dude killed by giants. Not my fault, really. They just didn’t understand that you don’t fuck with giants.

I suppose I wasn’t too fond of the character creator either. I wanted to play a lady wood elf. Am I so wrong? Well, Bethesda seems to think so, because I had to work very hard to make one that didn’t look manly or scary. I played with the face configurator for at least an hour before I finally managed to work out something I found acceptable. I didn’t need her to be the most beautiful character anyone’s ever seen or anything; I would have settled for cute. (Originally I wanted to make her resemble Stephanie, but there was no way in Hell that that was going to happen.)

In non-Skyrim news (enjoy this, it may be the last for a while), I downloaded the Final Fantasy XIII-2 demo last week. Being one of the three people who liked FFXIII, I’m very excited for it. The fact that it plays more like a regular JRPG (exploring, towns, sidequests, etc) but retains the bulk of XIII’s battle system makes me very happy indeed. I just wish Lightning were the main character again. Serah just seems so… cliche. I cannot relate to her at all. But the new Crystarium seems really cool! It’s kind of sad that I have this pre-ordered, but probably won’t play it for months. Stupid Skyrim, being so awesome and addictive. Skyrim Skyrim Skyrim.

Another year is gone so fast

I’ve been to the dentist three times in the last month or so, and I’ve come to the conclusion that they use dental floss made of tiny razor blades there. I’ve gotten into the habit of flossing (almost) every night, and yeah it hurt a bit at first, but now I feel no pain when I floss. My gums don’t even bleed anymore. I’m used to it. But at the dentist’s office? Hurts like a bitch.

In other news, the iPhone’s camera takes way too long to initialize. I was downloading the Virtual Console version of Final Fantasy III yesterday, and the most amazing thing happened. I tried to take a video of it, but by the time my phone’s camera started up it was over.

So normally when you download something from the Wii Shop, Mario will run laps across the screen collecting coins. Sometimes he will be Firey Mario and you can press A to shoot fireballs. Occasionally Luigi will run across instead. But yesterday, Mario and Luigi swam across the screen. In the five years I’ve owned the console, I have never seen this happen, and I’ve sunk way more money than I’d like to admit into Virtual Console and WiiWare downloads. Even my youngest brother hasn’t ever seen this, and he’s probably used the shop as much as -if not more than- me.

So yeah, I wanted at least a picture of it, but the stupid iPhone is stupid and can’t take spontaneous pictures.